Miners, do you ever get approached by guys on the street when you're out and about?
How do you generally react?
FYI I've never been approached so I don't know what I would do.
Oddly…twice. I don't go many places and have acne so I have no idea why it happened at all, unless my face and body are better than my dysmorphia tells me. Which is possible, I've been called cute.
The first one, he was using obvious PUA techniques while approaching multiple women. At university of all places. The negging and going through women like an assembly line didn't sit well with me so I rejected him.
A second time it wasn't directly romantic and I'm still unsure of his intentions (we're friends now…I think). He just walked up to me in the food court, sat down, and started talking nervously (I mentioned this on /feels/ when it happened, if anyone recognizes it). He's very cute but now just sends me cryptic one word messages sometimes and is very talkative at other times, he's hard to read. I'd say yes if he escalated tbh, I'm just tired of being the one having to do that.
Anyway, I generally just am friendly unless they make it obvious that they're being romantic. There's no need to be a jerk right away, and there's also no need to pussy out when you're disinterested.
I was going to say no but you reminded me of something awful. I've been talked to by homeless men, drop dead drunk men, and once, a pair of middle aged men who thought it was funny that I was pretending to be an adult (I was literally 21 but they were so sure I was younger). All of this actually happened on the same night.. I went downtown because I desperately wanted to see the city. A weird thing that flairs up in whimsical bitches like me. What I learned from it was that the only men who want me are either literally homeless or so drunk they can't see.
That's life I guess.
Oh, so you saw the first guy approach several other girls before he approached you?
>Anyway, I generally just am friendly unless they make it obvious that they're being romantic. There's no need to be a jerk right away
Sorry, I'm confused… Being a jerk means acting as if he's interested in you romantically?
if his intentions are non-romantic => act polite to him
if his intentions are romantic (annoying from strangers youre not interested in) => be a jerk
I assume thats what she meant anyway
Panic internally while being nice. It's always been ugly guys or ones who approached me in weird ways so I just panic a little and become very honest. They ask for my number and I give it to them to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Afterwards I never reply to their texts or calls.
I don't mean to say I dislike it. It's a huge ego boost, but I'm still shy so I panic. At least now I have a bf so I can just tell them that to end it.
you have no obligation to be nice to people. and talking to strangers in public places is inherently impolite tbh
you literally have no obligation to be nice, theres no debate. and there are places it is acceptable to talk to strangers. go there
you do because the S O C I E T Y (we live in) which youre part of requires you dont to function. it doesnt require you be nice to strangers. also you'll go to prison
Oh, so you model your behavior based on either laws or societal expectations, not on your own morals?
I see now.
obligations are based on relationships to other people. and my own morals are to be rude to everyone all the time. its pretty epic
No, if he's
a jerk I find it fine to bring out my inner jerk.
I don't find cold approaching alone jerk behaviour though. I've done it myself, I'm sympathetic. But if they refuse to take no for an answer or start negging harshly then it's fair game.
That said I was never a jerk to either guy. I told the first one "have a nice day" after rejecting him despite him seeming on the edge of flipping ("well I just wanted to sleep with you anyway").
And yeah I saw him talking to a couple girls first. It was kind of sad.
Drunk or homeless men are more vocal
than a typical person seeing an attractive stranger.
I cannot concive any smooth way to pull this of, talking to strangers out of nowhere while not being cringe/intimidating is not realistic. Why do they think it can work?
I'm super shy so any type of confrontation with romántic intentions directly translate to a "NO BACK OF" even if they are cute
I've been asked by male strangers about my ethnicity since I'm mixed but each time I never gave them real answers and just left them standing there.
According to Americans, "what are you?" questions towards women fall under being approached but since none of the men who looked to be in their 50s, by the way, followed up with any questions, I think they really were just curious about my foreign-looking appearance.
It's worse if they're cute because all my spaghetti spills out and they realize I'm actually retarded.
I’ve never been approached by a guy on the street unless he was a homeless guy or from some non-profit org asking for money.
This is actually a frustrating thing. I'm going to say this at risk of sounding like total bitch or im humble bragging, but I hate when I meet an interesting guy and having to bring up that I have a boyfriend. Like, I don't want them to feel like their being creepy or pushy at all. But I also want to not accidently give the wrong impression to anyone. Its like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, yknow?
I wish it was easy for guys and girls to be literal friends. It happens, I've had it happen. Its just tricky and lots of times someone feels friendzoned.
Again I am not some ego maniac I am actually insanely anxious and uncomfortable all the time.
And OP yes I've been approached by random men. When I was at an arcade some guy started flirting with me and clearly wanted to smash. But I turned him down.
>>41794>and there are places it is acceptable to talk to strangers.
What are they? And please don't say "bars". Because in my country bar-going culture is different from the bar-going culture in the US (or at least I suspect so, since I've never been to a bar).
Oh, thanks for clarifying, it makes sense now.
>I don't find cold approaching alone jerk behaviour though. I've done it myself, I'm sympathetic
Could you please tell us more about that?
It's nothing interesting, I've just asked 3 guys at uni out to coffee. I also have simply made the first move in befriending 2 classmates who I was attracted to, if that counts.
I have yet to succeed in getting a bf, but the 3 all said yes so I must not be horribly ugly. Just odd. So I need to find an odd bf.
How come you didn't bf any of your 3 coffee dates?
You didn't like them in the end?
Aslo what did you like about them that made you ask them out?
I get what you mean. While waiting for my bf outside of class at uni, a really nice guy approached me with a super dumb question but he was very sweet and we both were huge autists so we got along really well in those 5 minutes we talked. But them my bf came out and I had to leave. I really wanted to be his friend, but I couldn't just give him my number or something.
What was the question he asked you?
Oh haha, no. They didn't end up liking me.
Which is valid since they were pretty normie. One rejected me straight up, another just didn't give me any way to contact him again, and the other wasn't looking for a ltr.
I'll be honest. The thing that drew me to them was that they fit my fetish for very short men.
>>41832>manlet fetish anon stil hab no bf
"Do you think I should get a haircut". It made me laugh, he was a sweetie. I hope things turned out well for him.
Ha-ha, it can be a really funny line for a guy who's already bald or has a super short haircut!
I've only ever been approached a time a two and they nothing like my type. I just say 'oh thank you but I have a bf' cause I'm scared saying 'no' will lead to them just pestering me.
if an attractive guy spoke to me like that idk what I'd do, I'd try to play it cool but I cannot guarantee I'd manage that
I've been catcalled exactly once in Portland, closest to a cold approach I can remember. I felt sort of complemented but I would have shit my pants if he approached me directly.
If its catcalling, keep walking. Dont answer, dont react. Ive seen a few women already cussing them out or giving them middle fingers and i wish i could be like that
If cold approached, be friendly and if it turns out to be romantic, let down gently. I never give my real name or address. If the situation allows for it/is dire enough i say im underage. if they ask, give the wrong number. If i get creepy vibes i take the long way home or go somewhere else, like family's house.
>>41855>If its catcalling, keep walking. Dont answer, dont react
What if he is actually cute?
Because ugly men deserve it. They need to learn their place, fucking trash.
did you make this post >>41791?
do you genuinely not understand? do you genuinely think its "cruel" to reject someone? do you think you owe every man who tries to interact with you who fulfils the basics of politeness? I do not understand you at all…
I'm a sperg so I automatically say something around the lines of "no thank you, bye" whenever basically any stranger approaches me in public, regardless of gender or intent. It works most of the time.
For context, I live in a city and any idiot who will just randomly come up to you on the street probably isn't some qt potential bf. It's usually a scammer or a Jehovahs Witness.
>tfw you stare at a cute guy hoping that he will approach you but he awkwardly looks away
Then he wouldn't need to catcall random women, would he. Catcalling is gross.
>>41881>Catcalling is gross.
Nah, it's mostly about how the guy who does it looks.
Indeed you are correct most attractive men don't resort to such behaviour.
But in the case they do, it wouldn't be defined in such way.
you sound like incels complaining about how chads get to treat women like shit and get away with it because of their looks…
Think what you want. I'm just saying how it is.
The problem isn't the action in itself, but who does it.
I'll be honest, if my personal 10/10 catcalled me my attraction for him would fade.
And if a conventionally attractive Chad type did it I'd be even more upset.
This. The act itself makes someone off-putting. It's not uncommon for shitty behaviour (catcalling in this case) to make an attractive appearance less attractive.
Even if my personal 10/10, e.g. a hot tanned Japanese guy, catcalled me, I'd find it disappointing, then disgusting.
Nope, the action itself is disgusting. It shows he has no respect for himself and the woman he's cat-calling at, and also shows he's probably promiscuous and gross. He could be the hottest guy in the world and it would still be a deal breaker.
>>41912> he's probably promiscuous
Which makes him even more attractive.
Maybe it's just me but I don't consider "catcalling" and "being approached" to be the same thing? To me catcalling is basically throwing a compliment at a passerby, usually on their appearance. Approaching someone is actually going up to a stranger and trying to start a conversation.
Yes, my thoughts exactly. I didn't mean catcalling when I was creating this thread.
In my country catcalling doesn't even exist. Okay, maybe only in the absolute lowest 1% social strata.
Has any guy ever taken you on a coffee date?
no. a lesbian bought me pizza last week tho
i've only ever really been approached by weirdos and never really someone my age. two weeks ago a middle aged man followed me to work and asked me if he could take me to wherever i was going.
it makes me kind of sad that no one my age has ever approached me because it reinforces my self opinion that i'm ugly and unattractive. one time when i was working a part time job this guy smiled at me and called me a couple hours after he left to ask me for my number. but i just feel like i can't trust any man that tries to "get to know me" because maybe i look easily gullible and manipulatable. i don't know. i just wish i were pretty. sorry to write a journal entry.
Right, obvious bait, mate. >>41865
I'm not that anon. That said, I don't understand why you have to rudely turn someone down if they aren't scum in the slightest. If the guy says 'hi, you're very pretty, would you like to go out sometime', he's not a terrible person and doesn't deserved to be treated like he's human garbage. Miners in here are saying you should just crush them. It's wrong. Say 'Oh, thank you, but I can't' or 'No thank you, but you're very sweet'. You don't owe them a date, but why be mean? THAT is what I do not understand. Unless the man is literally about to rip your face off or appears to be on a raping spree, why not treat him like an actual person who has feelings?
If I asked a man out, I would not want him to be cruel to me just because he didn't find me attractive or was taken.
no, i'd give it out assuming they seemed decent. it's just that no decent guy has ever really approached me. plus it wouldn't stop me from being apprehensive about their motives.
Giving out numbers to strangers is foolish anyway. What does decent even mean?
Even if a handsome guy (pic-related) approached me in a polite way, I wouldn't be willing to share my number with him.
I only really go out when I’m drinking and end up ghosting whoever I’m talking to because of afraid of rejection.
decent to me is anyone that's not a drug addict, homeless, fat, or extremely older than me. i wish i could be like you but i think i'm too desperate for the potential idea of getting along with a guy well
So you're scared of a thing beingbdone to you, but you still do that thing to other people?
I see a difference between talking up someone for like an hour and never speaking to them again versus going on a date or being intimate and the person deciding they don’t like me, but yeah basically
Ghost them before they can ghost you
And here's how we can tell you definitely have no friends except lonely e-buddies.
do you want to be aproached on the street
what does a man have to go on there?
probably just your looks
believe it or not but the men that are worth being with have other standards than just looks, so they probably won't aproach strangers just because of that, except maybe if you have made eye conteact and are basically flirting already
here's how we can tell you're not an actual woman. being approached romantically in the street is not in any way a pleasurable experience. it's either straight up offensive at worst with the intention of being so (catcalling) or rude and annoying at best. people going about their business don't need to be bothered by anyone's shallow impulses. if you really feel like approaching strangers is the only way to find a romantic partner then go to a bar, a club, a party or install a dating app. there are places where it's socially appropriate to do that, if you can't tell then you may be an autist.
More like you're a sad and grumpy femcel/lesbian. I personally don't have a stick up my ass so I don't mind if guys approach me. If they're attractive I feel pretty happy about it.
As if femcels wouldn't be the ones getting excited about random dudes throwing themselves at them when they're in a hurry shopping for groceries. you do you boo
Have only been catcalled once, was a bit of a confidence boost actually. It was kind of fun, I could see it being annoying if you're busy but a casual walk is always relaxing.
I really doubt it was catcalling. Someone telling you you're pretty is quite different from a stranger yelling "I'd choke on your pubes" from the other side of the road. Catcalling is not done with the intetion of flattering you or striking up conversation, it's a way to make people uncomfortable.
If somebody told me he'd like to choke on my pubes I would just laugh out loud. People can be so sensitive sometimes.
I get that the example was supposed to be an exaggeration but wouldn't you find it offensive/scary?
What's your definition of catcall? I always went with anything extremely loud and flirty/sexual. Having a dude yell "You're fucking sexy!" Would count as far as I'm concerned.>>42722
Depends really. In and of itself it just makes me giggle. IRL I don't really feel unsafe unless they're physically close enough to like touch me maybe. I understand where your sense of fear or offense would come from but you're very likely to live in a moderately safe culture if you're posting here. While men can be terrifying there's a lot of culturally weight on negative consequences should they actually breach your bodily rights as opposed to just, yell at you.
Not tolerating blatant disrespect is not being "sensitive". It's having common sense.
If I picture someone from my country saying it, it would be funny. Somebody saying something as exaggerated as that would definitely be doing it to catcall you in a humorous way and get a reaction by being funny. I would think they're gross, but I would still laugh.
Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Some guys can't take a hint if you're too nice to them.
A few weeks ago, a weird dude was shouting, "Miss! Miss!"at me while I was walking to work. I ignored him and he yelled that I looked like a man. Damn right I do, and a sexy, androgynous one at that.
About ten years ago another dude was snapping pictures of all the women who walked by him. Walking past him was a bit creepy.
Another time an old man kept telling me to get in his car when I was waiting at the bus stop. My city is known for its serial killers; I bet he was one of them. Glad to have avoided being in pieces in his freezer.
Now that I'm older, I don't have a baby face anymore and I've perfected my resting bitch face, but I definitely had a few run-ins with creeps in the past.
>>43098>My city is known for its serial killers
Now that's an unusual tourism pitch, which city is that ?
>>42701>do you want to be aproached on the street>what does a man have to go on there?>probably just your looks
Uhm, well, yeah. And if you like his looks too you can go on a date and evaluate each other's personalities.
I though it works like that.
>>43151>she can't instantly identify a person's personality, values and thoughts with a single glance
Don't complain about love problems, anon.
I was making a joke about judging people based on their looks. Must have failed.
I thought it was funny anon :)
I thought it was unfunny. >:(
London, Ontario. There are tons of unsolved murder cases here, including the Forest City Killer (not to mentions frequent stabbings). We're also the fentanyl capital of Canada. Yay for us.
Oh God, that picture makes me so uncomfortable.
>>41784> going downtown to the city
Were you alone?
It shouldn't be that way but it's exactly what you should expect from the big shity
>>44058>My 2 favourite characters
Yes, though it always wasn't that way, kek.
It started happening practically every single time I go out since I dyed my hair red, in contrast the mousy brown I used to have.
I have crazy long (like 24 inch extensions with 330g) brightly colored hair, and I live in Rural small town, so I think I /stand out/ in comparison to the usual Midwestern 'murican.
It's a conflict of wanting to look nice with dat Ariel hair, but also wanting people to leave you the fuck alone. I'm a passive, conflict avoidant person, and I have difficulty telling people outright to "fuck off," I beat around the bush, and think I can signals with body language, so I don't have to ~hurt anyone's feelings~.
A lot of the people that approach me make weird comments about my outfits reminding them of anime, or that I look like a "15 year old," and then following that with flirty comments, which is super weird.
Is getting hit on/ hitting on someone ever acceptable in the gym? It's never happened to me but I've heard some stories from my friends. One guy's approach was actually kinda unique so she ended up going on a date with him. He was weird on the date so it went no where apparently.
Hello fellow London miner. We haven't been a murder capital since the late 80s. Here's a crime map you might find interesting.https://www.londonpolice.ca/en/services/Crime-Map.aspx
great thread, good replies, decent feel. keep it going.