/b/ - Random

My instant response is that I'm worth something. I want to be worth something. That causes me to make a lot of illogical decisions: do a useful major that has a heavy workload, stay in a relationship that is stuck in an abuse cycle, makes me avoid other people because I think they'll make me feel more worthless…

I'll probably answer later more specifically. Good question!

>>6049
> stay in a relationship that is stuck in an abuse cycle
anon, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't think you're worthless, you must have your reasons for why you would stay in a situation like that that make sense to you. I do wish you safety but I understand situations like that can be hard to leave. Don't know what else to say but I'm praying for you.

Most of the time I guess I would respond "I don't know".
I've felt really down lately, but in general I never know why I do things or go for them (like finishing my major, getting a job, etc). Maybe because those things were expected from me. I don't really think I have anything that drives me, or something to live for.
Sigh. I guess I just realized how sad I feel tonight.

>>6049
I stayed in an abusive relationship for 2 years or a bit longer than that, I don't really remember. I thought I was doing it for love, but I think my self esteem was just really bad back then. >>6062 said it all, anon. Wishing you the best.

Security, probably… like, physical, financial, emotional. Seems kind of counter intuitive and boring because of how limiting it can be but I feel much better for it. This isn't a conscious thing, I just naturally prioritize it over other things you've listed.

For me, if I'm honest about it, I think it's just basic survival that drives my actions. Like, I work a job I despise so that I can eat and keep a roof over my head. Unfortunately that skews my values. I end up not doing the things I actually want to do because I'm severely limited. I focus on being 'smart'/responsible instead of focusing on enjoyment. I can't say that I truly believe this is a good thing, but it's how I need to be in order to get by for a while. Maybe my whole life.

As for what I actually value, in the simplest terms I just want to do GOOD. I want to leave a positive impression on anything I do or anyone I meet, even in the tiniest of ways. I always try to work as hard as I can with whatever task I'm doing, even if it's just insignificant brainless work. When I interact with others, even though I'm extremely uncomfortable due to anxiety, I always try to listen to what they actually say or try to figure out what they want to ideally get out of our interaction and give it to them (within reason.) It sounds cheesy but I work in an artistic field…and knowing the impact certain types of art had on me growing up and even now, I know that art is invaluable, even though a lot of people try to belittle it because it isn't tech or science. I think it's just as important and it can help people in a more abstract way. Even if you can't see the impact, you can feel it. I know that from experience and I want to be one of the people who gives that experience to others.

But I say all this and I'm still a pretty lost person. I have no idea how to make my career meaningful or how to best make use of my time here. I just kind of float through life and try to do my best, but I want to get to a point where I'm not just 'doing my best', I'm actually doing good things.

I just wanna feel safe. Comfortable. Loved.

I want to be able to run through forests freely. I want someone by my side that truly understands me when I say that the stars glitter almost too much and overwhelm me with joy. I want to hold someone at night and be held by day. I want to be left in peace by people I dislike spending my time with. I don't want to lie and never be lied to.

>>6047
Responsibility. Nowadays I'm so depressed I don't have the energy to do anything that I'm not forced to do. Help.

tbh laziness is unfortunately my primary motivation

It's recently changed to trying to make myself a lil bit happier, at least enough to try to enjoy life to some extent even though living isn't always easy. Wish I could say it's love or my career but I don't feel that special.

Wish i could say something inspiring and i don't want to sound depressive
But right now the number one thing (and the only thing actually) for me and the thing that drives me is my love for my s/o.
Everything else kind of lost it for me.

Money though, i might need some so i can help/do stuff for them, but it's not really something i want.
Right now if i ever do anything at all it's just out of my love for them.

>>10953
That's sweet of you, and at least you have something or someone to live for even if that's a tad unhealthy

Tbh i'm mostly a pleasure seeker, not in some skewed way but i do what feels good for me on a reasonable level. I mix that up with some ol' good adult responsibility so that my life is a good one in which i can have my cake and eat it too. See, i despise hard work yet i work hard for the things i really want, most people can say i'm pretty determined when i want to be.

Kinda OT but has anyone here ever had dreams of saving the world? Like becoming the president of the USA and ending misery and stuff? Or just aiding people to the best of your abilities?

Living in a third-world country is honestly depressing sometimes because the government is shit and the people are under educated, ignorant masses that are easily manipulated and the big guys fuck everyone over their own benefit. In the future i want to do something to improve my country so i guess that's something sitting at the back of my mind enough that it might as well drive my actions, too.

>>6047
Broadly speaking, what drives me is the want for stability and a decent future.

But to be honest I mostly want to be liked, to be “cool”. A bad habit of mine is slightly shifting myself to fit people who I want to impress. I’ve come a long way from being friendless and insecure, but I think my past mindset is still in my subconscious.

>>11001
>See, i despise hard work yet i work hard for the things i really want, most people can say i'm pretty determined when i want to be.
Same here, if I didn't want to be a homeowner so badly some day I would never work a day in my life. Working is suffering.

I want to feel accomplished. I want achievements to look back on and develop skills that I can be proud of. By extension I want the admiration of people around me.

I'm a mom, so it goes without saying that my children are my #1 focus and priority. Specifically, in every decision I make, I consider how it impacts their short time to enjoy being a child, and how it could impact their behaviour/beliefs as an adult. I think this is because my parents largely failed to do this for me.

I take this so seriously that it impacts every single aspect of my life, and seems kind of like I'm not living for myself anymore but rather for them and them only. Every move I make, I ask myself if I am being an example of what kind of person I want them to be. I'd like to contribute the kind of people that this world needs more of. This is great because it also motivates me to be my best.

It's exhausting and extremely rewarding, but I can understand why a lot of people are against having kids, because it's not always easy.

I want people to remember me hundreds of years from now. not gonna happen though, most likely I will die forgotten and anonymous in the sands of time. I want to be remembered as a great person in whatever it is that I set my mind to,I'm very ambitious and want to be the best. I'd be willing to sacrifice literally anything else to make this happen.

>>13976
At best they can know your name and what you did.

Remebering you would make no sense.

Love. Someday I will win. There is no challenge I cannot beat. I will fight the whole world.

>>13976
Personally, I want my name to vanish into the wind when I die. Not sure if I want a headstone.

>>6047
Compassion for others, and development of my own skills.

I love finding cool people i like and enjoying the world with them :^)