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Ex Pickme Thread Anonymous 94575

Ironically, I only started to feel comfortable when I started unapologetically being myself. In addition to this I only ever started to form friends and proper romantic relationships when I showed who I really was.

I hate admitting this but I used to be a pickme (kinda). I wasn't a severe case but I'm still glad I found radfem groups who would show me the error of my ways. I always knew that I was covering for something. A lot of my younger years I had crippling self esteem and pretty bad mental health issues. I just wanted to be liked. Part of me thought that if I could get people to like me then I wouldn't feel so bad about myself.

My pickme behaviour included:

>raising the pitch of my voice

>trying to be an uwu gyaru girl
>not being a feminist (I honestly didn't respect myself)
>getting crushes on any guy who even spoke to me
>"I'm better than her because I like (topic)" mindset
>"hot girls with the same interests as me only do it for attention" thinking
>constantly indicating that I am a huge nerd with my clothing choices on purpose
>demonising sexual expression

And I'm so glad I grew out of all of it. Every single part of it came from me being bitter due to fears of not being good enough without "making an effort". I'm not even as physically ugly as I thought I was.

Anonymous 94576

Samefag but just to clarify about the radfem thing:

I lacked any self esteem. I thought a huge indicator of me being bolloxed was that moids never took an interest in me like they did with the girls around me. Spent a lot of time trying to get a thumbs up from a moid just to prove to myself that I wasn't a failure as a girl.

I stumbled upon radfem groups in my mid to late teens and they pointed out that one of the reasons they didn't take an interest in me was because I would shy away from sex. I wasn't completely shunned by moids, they would just stop interacting with me after I expressed that I wasn't comfortable having sex with people that I wasn't in a relationship with.

It clicked with me very quickly that moids didn't value me because even at my most desperate I wouldn't lower myself to appeasing them with stuff that was outside of my comfort zone. Learning that a lot of moids only place value on women they can fuck really straightened me out and set me on a path to living without seeking that thumbs up I wanted for validation.

Basically radfem people took the time to teach me that moids can not tell me how worthy I am because they lack the humanity it takes to be worthy themselves.

Anonymous 94582


what do you mean by demonizing sexual expression?

Anonymous 94595


>raising the pitch of my voice

Okay, but I (and a lot of other women) do this in customer facing industries. It’s not necessarily a Pick Me thing so much as (at least in the US) people find higher pitched women’s voices more customer service friendly. I’ve (and I’ve seen other women) joke that it is my “customer service voice”. Is it annoying? Absolutely. But Pick Me? No.

>getting crushes on any guy who even spoke to me

This is mostly low self esteem, babe. Lots of women do this because they lack self esteem for a variety of issues due to trauma, abuse, conditioning, or just being attractive that only douchebags have the balls to hit on them (yes it happens) so they think that they can (or only deserve) shitty guys or whoever shows interest because everyone else is intimidated.

Everything else, yeah is pick me.
But don’t be bitter about being a pick me or other women being (or not realizing) their being a pick me.
It’s hard to help women realize their potential (even if they don’t want it) when you’re bitter. And remember you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. And finally, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Anonymous 94600

I was super weird about my sexuality at the time. I used to dress super modest and get disgusted at the thought people would view me sexually. Obviously, everyone has sexual stuff inside them, but I repressed mine because I thought it was bad coming from me

A lot of women raise the pitch of their voice as an attractiveness thing. Think of people who put on a fake high voice to come off as cute, it was like that (so any egirl or wannabe irl anime girl).

I'd like to add that I'm not bitter about it anymore. Mostly just cringing at how I used to act due to my self esteem at the time. I'm not bitter about pickme girls that I see these days, I kinda half empathize and half cringe. Like Sh0eonhead for example. Shes a huge pickme and it's just ahhhh it's so cringe, we get it, your self esteem makes you not like women and pander to moids, please improve like the rest of us

Anonymous 94606

Ah I see. Makes sense.

Anonymous 94609

Ugh yeah, me too. I blame the mix of being awkward and growing up around majority male nerd spaces even if my friends were decent.
>pride in modesty and being low-maintenance
>tried hard to be very masculine (deepened my already deep voice, mannerisms, dress sense, muscles short hair)
>sexual repression but also a degenerate? Desexualize myself but be disgustingly open about niche fetishes
>virginity pride……but later shame, now it's neutral
>play up QuIrKiNeSs
>Antifeminist moment
And I swear the masculinization was explicitly pick-me in my mind although it read as "into women" (true, I prefer them) to literally everyone else. I'm more attractive to men now but realized I don't even really want them lmao life is a joke.

Back then I wanted male attention but also hated it if I got it. A confusing time for sure, also based on low self-esteem as you mentioned.

Glad to have developed out of it now. A man just last year commented on me being ~weird~ and it made me cringe into the 5th dimension so I can safely say this phase is over.

Anonymous 94610

>muh fax and logic
Were you politically vocal?

Anonymous 94611

Bold of you to assume OP or anyone else is straight here. Do you not lurk? A lot of us here are lesbians or just fucking hate men. Hell, some of us are "political lesbians".

I hope your child isnt a daughter. I hate knowing female children have to be raised by the likes of you.

Anonymous 94615

I did have a pickme phase, I feel that it's almost inevitable for young girls. I'm glad I had the sense to tone it down, I trusted anyone who cared to notice it without me announcing it and calling attention to not being like the common slut - an imaginary creature I later realised was formed by the eternal moid for moid entertainment purposes.

Essentially, I'd been taught by the media and the internet that girls were boring and dumb and had girly interests I couldn't relate to. I felt disappointed and left out so I coped by picturing how cool it was to be different, to be better than them. I looked at girls through the eyes of a moid.
>that girl is bad at math, typical brainless bimbo
>she wants a job with lots of social interaction, good for nothing nurturer
>fixing her lipstick in public, she's fake and obsessed with looks
>I can see her cleavage, she's an attention whore whose life revolves around moids
And when I saw moids doing retarded shit it was always an individual who couldn't possibly represent the whole even if every moid agreed with him and stated that the individual was right to be retarded.

I really enjoyed debating in my teens and that habit manifested on the internet so I would challenge and quarrel with both incels and bimbos and it was those interactions that caused me to grow out of pickmeism. The girls I'd painted as bimbos weren't doing anything unreasonable or wrong. You could never blame the individual, you had to aim for some fictional strawman of a woman.

As for the moids, they were the ones purposely shitting on people for ego reasons. I recognised myself in them concerning my attempts to appear better than the common slut and I hated myself for it, I was disrespecting people and acting like an asshole to get recognition and respect from assholes I didn't respect myself. I saw other girls do the same thing and knew there was no way to get through to them, if they were like me they'd get up in arms at any suggestion of being average, it would be an insult to them.

I can't overstate how happy and relieved I am that a name was put to pickmeism and there is now proper discourse around it.

Anonymous 94617

No. I was a shy teen.
Fwiw I still like facts, but when I found myself in spaces online where the average person is arguing that "rape not bad" because the only harm it causes is "dumb and emotional" that's just too far. Feelings empathy do matter because we must consider one another to function socially. It isn't dumb femoid shit it's reality.
His opinions won't change anon. It's fun to fight them but not worth it.

Anonymous 94619

When I was 12-16 I had pickme behaviors but only because my female friends rejected me for being gross and weird. I'm a lesbian so while they were all talking about boybands and makeup I was on Newgrounds watching terrible homemade cartoons by Irish schizos and Pewdiepie on Youtube. I wanted to talk about cringy and stupid shit without hearing "anon that's so gross stop :(" so I just wrote off all women as stupid. I remember this one girl snapchatting me telling me that me being loud and goofy made the moids she was friends with uncomfortable, and that kinda pissed me off because she was one of the few people who were "okay" with my dykery.
In my 20s away from all this high school retardation tho, I think that pickme shit should be viewed the same way as an emo phase. It's just how some people react to being forced to go to school for 8 hours a day with people they can't stand. Of course there's adult pickmes, but I've never met one.

Anonymous 94620

>I was on Newgrounds watching terrible homemade cartoons by Irish schizos and Pewdiepie on Youtube.

we could be twins. This wasn't part of my pickme arc, but it was something I just sort of enjoyed but suppressed because I actually didn't want people to know

Anonymous 94621

Pewdiepie was unironically funny back in 2012-2014 besides the overabundance of "XD RAEP" jokes he made. He looks like a shell of the man he used to be now. At least Oneys still funny despite the fact that he makes one cartoon every five years.

Anonymous 94626

What's the difference between being a pick-me and NLOG?

Anonymous 94627

NLOGs think that having interests is inherently not female and pickmes agree with literally everything men say just because a man is saying it.

Anonymous 94645

>>raising the pitch of my voice
someone please tell me how to stop doing this. it happens whenever i'm around a guy.

Anonymous 94658

OP here. I stopped by manually reminding myself not to do it. After a while it became normal to use my real voice. My voice is not unfeminine but some people do seem surprised that it's not pitched higher, they're used to my pitched up voice

Anonymous 94704

Actively lower your voice around them to assert your dominance

Anonymous 94857

I used to be a huge pickme. Not just romantically, just around everyone. I think it was because anytime I showed interest in something, my parents would tell me how stupid it was. I literally had no interests as a child because of this. My mother is also a huge narcissist who must always have everything her way so I developed into the freeze/fawn type. By copying others or doing what I think they wanted me to be, I was fawning as I was so used to having people turn on me without warning. I was also just desperate for attention and acknowledgement that I existed so wouldn't be the one to break anything off out of fear of being alone.

Radfem groups, FDS, NC with parents/fake friends all helped me.

Probably the biggest turning point though was realizing that people don't respect people without boundaries. It goes against what you might think intuitively, that the kindest, most accepting, easy going person will be the most liked. Instead, people need boundaries and push back or they will just walk all over you then snap at you for given the smallest amount of push back.

You also have to accept that some people are so incredibly narrow minded that they will sneer at anything outside of their own preferences. These people surround themselves with pickmes. It doesn't matter how accepting you are of them, how much you pretend to like the same things are them, or how much you turn a blind eye to their bad behavior, they won't do the same to you. If you say anything outside of what they consider acceptable, you will be bullied, badmouthed, and frozen out just like everyone else. You need to have strong sense of your likes and dislikes and accept that not everyone will think the same and not everyone will respect your opinions.

There's also people who use you to take out their own frustrations, like a human emotional punching bag. If you're a pick me who doesn't give them any push back then they will just keep doing it again and again. They will mock every little thing you do but if you give the smallest push back they will freeze you out until they try to pick you up again later for round 2. With these people you need to train your self to catch bad behavior and stop shrugging it off because they will just get worse.

Overall, the biggest tool you have as an anti-pickme is just getting up and leaving. Don't sit there and take it. Leave and ghost them. Whether they understand or not is not your problem.

Anonymous 94983

I had such a bad pick-me phase anons. Not a conservative pick-me but a liberal male feminist pick-me phase
>only hung out with men, abandoning my first girl friends in uni
>forced myself to watch porn to unlean my genital preference and convince myself I was attracted to men
>got into a bdsm relationship because I thought sex-work was so inspiring, ended up with a crippling drug addiction and worsened my depression leading to getting hospitalized
>defended trans-women like it was the last day on earth
>constantly made fun of women
>thought women genuinely didn't need feminism anymore
>was about to troon out because men kept on telling me i acted so much like a man i was a man stuck in a womans body
>during my trans phase i kept on making fun of fakebois for being fake trans and I was better because I was a disgusting male stereotype
>justified pedophilia
>though sexworkers and bimboism was just woman's true purpose, being modest and staying at home was equality
I regret it so much, I was so miserable, I hated myself so much. Now that I'm an extreme radfem looking back on this made me realize how shitty I was. Never be a pick me. Men do not care if you side with them or not, they all think of women in the same way.

Anonymous 94985

Glad you made it out sister

Anonymous 94988

This is exactly what to do. Lower your voice and take a 'male' stance; it almost reminds you to lower your voice. Men have a different way of carrying themselves, so emulate it… or just be conscious of your voice at all times.
Congrats, anon. But… you justified pedophilia?

Anonymous 95043

i was surrounded with lib men who kept on telling me that the prime age for women to have children was teenage years. It was my second year of uni and I was 19 so I didn't know any better. The pick-me shackles were on tight.

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