/feels/ - relationship feels

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I'd like to hear your thoughts on my situation, anons. Sorry if it's stupid, long and ranty.

So, a couple years ago I broke up with my ex. We stayed together for years and we were almost engaged at the time, and I really loved him, but he was very immature, and would rather play videogames all day than go look for a job. So our relationship couldn't progress. My family also disliked the idea of a me being with him, and that made things were difficult to bear back then.
I recently started talking to him again and we are thinking about getting back together. I know he's made a lot of progress as a person and has mentally and emotionally "grown up" quite a bit, so I'm happy to give us a new chance. The thing is that he told me that when he was single, he paid for 4 prostitutes and started partying heavily. He blamed that on being lonely, and on the influence his old friends had on him. I genuinely wouldn't have cared if he said he got sexually involved with 4 people when he was single, but when I think he paid for sex… That bothers me so fucking much, I don't even fully understand why, but probably because I was raised in a really religious household (I'm not religious at all anymore and I'm pretty open minded to most things, but I think our upbringing dictates many of our thoughts).

It just changed the idea I had of him. He seems to be back to "normal", and he says that he made a mistake when he did that. He hasn't paid for sex in 1 year, or almost that.
I think it's important to mention that we both were virgins during our relationship, so maybe that has some kind of importance to how I feel. He made it sound like he had become this sexual beast while we were apart, but when he said he had just paid for sex (never got romantically/sexually involved with anyone else), I just felt grossed out, not amazed or positively surprised by the way he acted.

During the time we were single I had a few crushes, went on a couple dates and got sexually involved with another girl, who was my first and only sexual partner. I was in love and had a lot of fun.
So I think I can say I enjoyed my time as a single lady. But my ex mocked me when I said I lost my virginity to a girl saying that "it doesn't count because she doesn't have a dick".

How do I stop feeling bad about him paying for sex when we weren't together? I feel so irrational because I know it wouldn't bother me as much as if he had chatted some girl up at a bar, or had went on normal dates that ended up in sex, but the prostitutes thing really disgusts me as makes me feel like he's low. A friend told me that her ex would pay for sex sometimes too, and that is relatively normal, but I still feel disgusted.

I also hate how he makes it sound like I'm inferior because he's sooo experienced and that everyone thinks he's hot shit, when he is the one who had to pay to get laid. He keeps saying "you're still a virgin" even though I don't feel like I am.
Yes, I lost my virginity to a girl, I haven't had PIV sex yet, but am I a virgin just because of that? I don't really think so, but is that what other people think? Or is he being an idiot?

I feel like these two problems are the only things stopping me from giving us a new chance to start things over, and I really love him. I'd like to fix them before starting our relationship again though. Yes, he sounds like a tool, and he can be one sometimes, but besides these two problems, I'm so happy with him.

Am I the problem here with my prudish attitude? Is he just being an idiot? Both of us?

Are my feelings even valid, or am I irrational? Sigh.

I'm so annoyed by this… I'm twenty fucking four and I feel like a big baby.

Thanks in advance in case I take a few days to read any replies.

Anonymous 06/12/17 (Mon) 01:04:49 AM314

>>313
I knew I'd write a long post, but fuck lol. Sorry.

Anonymous 06/12/17 (Mon) 01:11:09 AM315

>>294
This reminded me of my own situation, at least to some extent. How are you feeling now, anon?

Anonymous 06/12/17 (Mon) 06:26:25 AM321

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he's super intelligent, crazy, and sweet. The dumb "he's my best friend" cliche is true for me, I've never had a connection with someone like I do with him. He loves my no makeup face and my crooked teeth, he makes me feel beautiful. Of course we've had our ups and downs like all couples and we're in an ldr which is challenging, but I really feel safe and happy with him even during the times we're apart. I want us to be a cute old couple living in the mountains someday.

Anonymous 06/12/17 (Mon) 06:20:27 PM330

>>313
Anon, he may seem more mature now, but he probably isn't (the prostitutes and partying are signs of that). Find someone else and move on.

Anonymous 06/14/17 (Wed) 01:19:03 AM355

1418392106732.jpg

i've been with my high school sweetheart for 6 years, and we just graduated the same program at the same uni. he's funny, intelligent, tough/manly, family-oriented, handsome and good at sex. even though we fight like any other couple, leaving him has never once crossed my mind, even at our worst moments. our dreams and goals are the same, we want the same things out of life, and he supports me in whatever i want to do.

my only insecurity about our long-term relationship is how i lost my virginity to him, and how down the road i may regret never trying sex with other ppl. he's had a few sex partners prior to me but i know he's thought the same thing.

when it comes up, we usually joke about becoming swingers when we're old and bored of sex. maybe we'll really go through with it idk? should we give non-monogamy an honest try in the future, or will it ruin everything?

Anonymous 06/14/17 (Wed) 09:52:52 AM361

>>330
Thanks, anon. I've noticed that is still true, he's still immature, unfortunately. Idk what to do or how to leave him at this point. We're super close and he means a lot to me, but I guess I need to put myself first.

Anonymous 06/22/17 (Thu) 03:21:01 AM454

Have you ever realized you weren't really compatible with your bf/gf?
I'm going through something right now and I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 2 years but I have this sick feeling that we shouldn't be together. We hardly have anything in common and being in a ldr makes this much more difficult. I've mentioned this to him before and he's told me that it's okay, that our love can get us through this, but I have this sick feeling that we just aren't right for each other. We've tried getting into each other's hobbies and interests but it's clear that both of us don't like what the other likes.
I really want to make this work but I don't know what to do.

Anonymous 06/22/17 (Thu) 04:56:32 AM457

>>454
God that must be a horrible feeling.
If I was to be completely honest with you, I think compatibility is very important to a relationship. For instance, I couldn't be with someone who loved sport or cars, not because I think those things are bad but because I wouldn't be able to relate and honestly I find the topics extremely boring. I also couldn't be with someone who disliked reading or art, I wouldn't blame them for their preferences but if we went to an art gallery on a date and they were sighing and checking their watch it would grate on my soul.

I have a close friend who hooked up with a guy and got pregnant, they have a beautiful son and a lovely house but they rarely see each other now because although they really care for each other, once the initial excitement about their relationship cooled down they realized they really didn't enjoy each other's passions. He likes cars, she likes artisan cooking, nothing bores each of them more than the other's interests. They go to work, get home, he goes to the garage, she goes to her mother's and makes souffles. They love their son but I really think it's the only thing that's keeping them together.

It may not be as extreme as that for you but think of it this way- if you lived together and had a week of no work/school whatever, would you be comfortable in each other's company? Would you be able to do things together? Would you be friends with someone like him if you weren't in a relationship?

I know it's said that opposites attract but I think that's more true of personality traits (excitable/witty and urbane, jittery/grounded, muddle-headed/sensible)

Anonymous 06/22/17 (Thu) 03:15:21 PM467

>living in a dorm while studying abroad since a couple month
>consequently in an LDR with bf, but I'll go home in less than two months
>cute single guy moves in downstairs
>one of my friends who lives here too is crushing on him hardcore
>I'm getting a feeling so complicated and enjoying his company a little too much, almost like a crush
I feel like an asshole on so many levels. I don't really hate myself for having those feelings and I think it'll be fine, I'm not so weak as to cheat on the love of my life for some guy. But I'm pretty sure what's made me feel like this is the sense of competition and the fact the other girl is pretty ugly and awkward and when we're hanging out together it makes me feel "powerful" to see him not paying attention to her while we're often laughing and our eyes meet a lot. Yeah this is bad.
I should just focus on studying and hobbies and shit instead of all of this. We're going on a trip this weekend though and the two of them are going to be there, I can already feel myself being insufferable.

Anonymous 06/22/17 (Thu) 04:24:59 PM468

>>355
You literally just described my relationship. 6 years, high school sweetheart, virginity and everything.

We also want the same goals out of life and we've never seriously considered breaking up. We did try the "open relationship" thing for about two years. It was a disaster and there was jealousy on both sides. We are both open to trying swinging in the future but for now we feel safer in our monogamy. I think we're too young (emotionally) to cope with having multiple partners while maintaining a relationship. So commitment is the better option for the time being.

Anonymous 06/23/17 (Fri) 01:06:56 AM471

>>468

thank you for sharing, you've confirmed my suspicion that the relationship has to be rock-solid before messing around with non-monogamy. maybe we'll wait another 6 years lol

Anonymous 06/26/17 (Mon) 11:41:16 AM525

>>313
>I also hate how he makes it sound like I'm inferior because he's sooo experienced and that everyone thinks he's hot shit, when he is the one who had to pay to get laid. He keeps saying "you're still a virgin" even though I don't feel like I am.

Anon I know this was two weeks ago but holy shit he sounds like a dick. This attitude is just completely disregarding the experiences you've had which is not okay, and it sounds like part of why he wants to be with you is so that he'll have the sexual upper hand in some way which is pathetic.

This makes me really mad and you're totally justified in doubting his character because of the things he's done and said. I know it's easy for me to say this because I've never seen you happy with him but ditch this guy because neither of you will be able to change his shitty attitude in the long term.

Anonymous 06/26/17 (Mon) 03:02:40 PM529

>>525
I agree with this anon. Putting the sex with prostitutes upsetting you aside for a sec it sounds like he has some sexual insecurities (hence why he got pressured by his old friends, and why he's so desperate to put you down and be the sexually experienced one and claim a 'virgin' gf). A lot of people feel insecure about that when they are young but you have to get over it at some point so it sounds like HE is the big baby and not you. It's not cool to put down your SO because of your own insecurities.

Sex with prostitutes thing…I can see that being upsetting but if he truly moved on from that and regretted it and it was a long time ago, then I think you should get over it because ultimately he was only hurting himself with that not anyone else (you'd be a much better judge of his sincerity than me though). The whole being a dick about your past relationship and asserting his sexual 'authority' thing though? Way more pressing issue in my book.

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 04:00:06 AM548

>>525
>>529
Thanks, anons. your input means a lot to me because I'm still struggling with these issues. Things have gotten a little better since the day I posted. I do believe he was honest about regretting the way he acted when we were apart, even though he doesn't owe me anything because we weren't together.
We both cried a lot, talked a lot, and discussed things, so overall I feel better. But the same thoughts come back to haunt me every single day, especially the one about the way he made me feel concerning my own sexual experiences being invalid or "not counting". I really don't know if I can stay in a relationship with him in the long run. I love him so so much, but it's like this whole issue is bigger than me somehow, and I should be completely over this by now, but I'm not, even though I'm trying hard. I wish I could just ditch him and stop thinking about him and everything, but I feel like this is going to take at least a few weeks to happen because of how much I want us to work… But I can't make myself suffer like this, so I need to make a decision. TYSM.

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 03:27:19 PM552

>>548
>I should be completely over this by now, but I'm not, even though I'm trying hard
Nah girl, your feelings are valid. He may have shown remorse about the hookers, but you never mentioned him apologizing for being a dick to you.

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 06:47:59 PM557

How to deal with sexually incompatibility?

My boyfriend has a sexual fetish for something involving other people. I indulged it for awhile, but I wasn't really into it. I was never really vocally into it, but more passive. It was mostly via text that I talked about it with him.

He calls women whores if they sleep with too many men. I've started to believe that, too. He says mean things about my body and how I look. Am I crazy for not wanting to be sexual with other people if sleeping with other people makes me whore, and if my boyfriend thinks I'm ugly?

He does not like when I fake during sex. I was making porn-sounding noises (moaning, I guess) awhile back, and he found it "annoying." So, I stopped that. Now, he wants me to talk in a fake-sounding voice again.

He said this, last night:
>honestly, it's like you're not even alive
>I try talking to you from different angles, different fantasies, whatever, and all I get out of you is the occasional grunt or "uh huh"
>you've checked out. you're fucking gone.
>you're dead inside.

Last night, he was jerking himself off and talking about what he wanted to do. He wasn't touching me at all. We were in bed next to each other. So, he's in an aroused state, and I'm not. It's confusing. How am I supposed to feel sexy or talk dirty if I'm just there?

I hate it. I hate talking during sex. I have to rack my brain on what to say. He just gets up and leaves during if it isn't going his way.

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 06:57:28 PM559

>>557

This doesn't just sound like a sexual incompatibility. Your boyfriend sounds like a douche. Of course you don't feel comfortable having sex with him because anything you do (or don't do) is wrong. Why are you still with someone who tears you down like that?

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 07:09:48 PM561

>>557
What the fuck is wrong with your boyfriend? Seriously.
Even if you were passive as hell (it doesn't sound like you are though), this is never, ever the way to bring it up or to confront any relationship issues at all. He's the one who's checked out, either that or he's a massive asshole, or both. He's trying to guilt trip you into being his sex doll. What about what you want? Does he ever ask you how he can help you get more into it?

Anonymous 06/27/17 (Tue) 08:33:06 PM564

>>557

You need…

… a different bf.

Anonymous 06/28/17 (Wed) 11:55:22 AM569

>>552
He did, but I'm not sure if that part was genuine. I complained so much about how wrong he was that my romantic/sexual relationship with didn't count that I think he apologized just because I was hurting. We talked a lot about this after the first time I posted. For example, I told him I'm bi and he said "you're not bi, it can't be, that's just a phase, anon". I know who I am, but he keeps insisting that I don't. I do love him, but he's acted like a dick lately, that's true.

Anonymous 06/28/17 (Wed) 06:10:37 PM570

1498540800186.png

>>557 again. I'm using this thread as a blog. I think I should go therapy or couple's counseling.

Last night, my boyfriend and I were discussing eyeliner because he commented on some girl's makeup, saying he hated it. I wear similar eyeliner to her's, but less of it – it was a heavy winged eyeliner. I asked, "Is this why you hate my makeup? Because my eyeliner?" He called my eyeliner "gaudy." Please note that I've always worn this eyeliner, almost every single day, since we've started dating and years before then. Literally since high school. It's just a small wing.

So I sent him two photos of classic movie stars, to imply that it's not always gaudy, and that it can be very subdued and pretty. What did he take from it?

"heh
[name], you're not audrey hepburn"

I didn't say that nor did I mean imply that. I was trying to say that it can be very classic and feminine. Kys.

>>561
I honestly can't remember. He has said he'd be willing to try anything sexual I want to do. But I think my problem is I don't have any outlandish fantasies, which is what I think he meant by that. I just sort of want to have normal, loving sex for awhile. I like to focus more on feelings/sensations during sex. I only had my first orgasm a few years ago, so maybe this is when stuff changed? I like when it's sensual or loving.

Anonymous 06/28/17 (Wed) 07:23:50 PM571

>>570
>I think I should go therapy or couple's counseling.
I mean it's your life, so do as you like, but it doesn't sound like it's worth it. Did he ever like you or did he always act this disdainful towards you? It doesn't matter how good the good times are, a lot of the stuff you mentioned is a big ol' red flag. Abusive relationships are also good sometimes, that's how the victim gets reeled in.

Anonymous 06/28/17 (Wed) 08:46:00 PM572

>>570

Anon, I am worried for you. This is the exact same shit my cousin's husband did to her when they started dating. He beat her on a daily basis. Now they're married and have a child together. She refuses to leave him because she thinks this is what she deserves and because it's too late.

It's not too late to leave. You are worthy of respect and love. Please look up signs of emotional and verbal abuse. Your boyfriend is an abuser and you deserve so much better. If your best friend told you the same things you were telling us, what advice would you give to her?

Anonymous 06/29/17 (Thu) 12:15:45 AM573

>Try to help a friend get with a girl, give him advice etc
>Catch feelings
I have a boyfriend ffs.

Anonymous 06/29/17 (Thu) 01:06:12 AM575

>>570
>I think I should go therapy or couple's counseling.
Your bf sounds like a salty asshole that doesnt deserve your time to go to therapy. I think you should break up with him. He treats you like crap!

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 12:57:35 AM585

>>573 update
>We spent the night holding hands, kissing and talking about how lonely we were
FUCK FUCK

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 01:10:17 AM586

>>585
Hope you broke up with your bf first.

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 01:12:37 AM587

>>586
No because I'm a drunk piece of shit.
It won't happen again. Not sure how I'm going to deal with it but probably will take it to the grave.

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 03:01:05 AM588

>>587
It really sounds like you should consider breaking up with your boyfriend, whether or not you decide to have a relationship with this guy.

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 03:03:38 AM589

>>573
>>585
>>587
wew, I hope you're not >>467

Anonymous 06/30/17 (Fri) 05:05:46 AM591

>>588
I'm considering it.

>>589
No.

Anonymous 07/08/17 (Sat) 12:45:36 AM785

>>591
Sage because no1curr but we did break up. it's for the best but I still wonder if I'll be able to have a relationship without fucking everything up at some point.

Anonymous 07/09/17 (Sun) 07:19:32 PM837

this is the yuri w…

I started thinking of my first girlfriend today and I can’t help but laugh at how silly we were. We started dating when we were 12 and were in a relationship for at least a year. I don’t think we actually were in love, we were just both big fans of yuri and thought ”hey, what if we were yuri together?” and so we overnight went from best friends to girlfriends.

We met up twice irl and it was the most awkward thing ever. As this was before Skype became big, we had actually never talked to each other so when we met it was such a shock how different we were. She was hyperactive (almost adhd level) and confident while I was incredibly shy and introverted. We were horribly incompatible but despite this, we decided to meet up a second time and it was just as painful as the first time, if not more. We walked around in silence for hours at an amusement park, only being able to ride two carousels because she easily got motion sickness.

It was such an awkward relationship but I'm glad I got to experience it, as it taught young me that I had to communicate with my partners. When I started dating my second girlfriend, Skype was a thing and we would have calls as often as we could.

I’d love to hear other peoples stories about their embarrassing past relationships.

Anonymous 07/09/17 (Sun) 07:23:40 PM838

>>570
>"heh
>[name], you're not audrey hepburn"
That cracked me up. He's an awful person but if you've been with him for this long it's pretty clear that you're into it and enjoy being bullied/feeling bad. So, enjoy.

Anonymous 07/09/17 (Sun) 08:28:33 PM842

>>837
It wasn't really a relationship, but in 7th grade this one dude I was crushing on gave me a note saying he liked me too and if we could go out. I agreed, but after that I was so shy about it that I flat out stopped talking to him and avoided him as much as possible. Poor guy even made the effort to eat lunch with me and my friends every day, and I just pretended he wasn't there lol. Like his friends would come up to me and tell me about how much he likes me and shit, but in hindsight we never really had a proper conversation since we only had one class together (band) and spent most of that time blowing into woodwinds.

Anonymous 07/09/17 (Sun) 10:34:40 PM844

>>838
Fuck you.

Anonymous 07/09/17 (Sun) 10:35:55 PM845

>>844
Well fuck you too bitch.

Anonymous 07/10/17 (Mon) 03:35:42 AM847

>>845
You're a cunt. Whoever you are, I hope you die alone.

Anonymous 07/10/17 (Mon) 04:12:46 AM850

>>570
>kys
you know its time to break up when u say "kill yourself" to your boyfriend in a blogpost.

hes a dick

Anonymous 07/16/17 (Sun) 03:20:38 PM930

dYHB7oT.jpg

I'm impulsive and overreact to minor disagreements by escalating them and piling more complaints on top. My boyfriend luckily brought it up and I want to keep myself in check more, but how? I know I can't be the only one, please help ;_; I got it from my mother and I don't ever want to become like her.

Anonymous 07/16/17 (Sun) 04:10:44 PM931

>>930 all learned behaviours can be unlearned.

Look into "acceptance commitment therapy". Although it's mostly used for MH stuff I think it should be in everyone's lives. It definitely gives you more control over yourself the more you practice exercises around the ideology.

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 06:49:06 AM1011

I'm essentially in an abusive relationship, am socially isolated, and still live with my parents. I could technically leave, but I'd be all alone and besides, I'm obsessed with the guy. I don't know what to do. I hate myself for staying, but i know I'd commit suicide if I left. I could blogpost for quite a time about this guy…

Anyway, has anyone here ever gotten out of an abusive relationship in which you were still obsessed with the other person? How did you go about leaving? How did you survive afterwards?

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 08:24:11 AM1012

>>1011
That sounds a bit familiar.
I always thought he'd change and be like it was in the beginning. That he just needs to realise what he is doing. But it just got worse and worse.
I thought that breaking up with him would be the worst thing for a long time because I still loved him so much.

But it wasn't. Breaking up with him was a lot easier than I thought it would be. It didn't hurt as much as the realtionship itself and I felt free. My parents supported me by doing things with me right after breaking up. Over the time I also found new friends. I think finding and focusing on a hobby you love is very important because it stops you from thinking about him all the time.

I don't really know your situation but please be strong and leave the guy. It might hurt at first but in a few months you'll look back and wonder why you would have stayed with such a terrible person.
Maybe you could also get professional help.

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 09:55:44 AM1013

Excuse me if I sound naive. I have never had male friends before and I need some guidance or just someone to be confused/laugh at this with me. I don't know.

I met a guy online about a month ago. He's a local, we connected on FB and such, and we have friends and acquaintances in common, so I know he's legit. We're becoming fast friends and I love him to bits. We get along well. He's quite attractive. Of course, I have a crush on him.

Anyway, he claims to be 100% not interested in women. Everyone he knows says he's extraordinarily gay, no question about it. He's in his early 30's (I'm younger), always dated men, and had several serious relationships with them. Seems stone cold gay at this point. So, I've been trying to kill any budding romantic feelings on my end and just be a good friend.

To my surprise, he has been spending almost every waking moment talking to me this week. We message eachother constantly. He's always trying to charm me or make me happy, and he's a huge flirt to top it off. It's escalating rapidly. He's cut off plans with his actual friends at least once just to talk to me. Now he wants to meet me.
I've seen his interactions with his female friends and family online, and he's usually catty as fuck, so I don't know why he's so nice to me.

Why is he investing so much effort into this? None of my female friends or past boyfriends have been this intense. I know I should just ask him straight up, but am I wrong to think this guy isn't actually as gay as he says he is? Is he getting off on fucking with my head or something? Honestly, I've even considered that he might murder me. I'm that confused.

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 11:34:26 AM1014

>>1013
Honestly sounds like a case of a straight person not knowing how to handle a friendship with a gay person. Don't question their orientation. That will fuck you guys up for nothing.

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 02:35:52 PM1015

>>1011
I wish I could help you but I'm essentially stuck in the same place except I don't live with my parents.

Anonymous 07/21/17 (Fri) 06:57:23 PM1016

>>1014
I see. And yes, It's a lot more intimate than any friendship I've ever had, so I've got no clue what the boundaries should be. I'll try not to fuck it up on my end.

Anonymous 07/24/17 (Mon) 04:26:18 PM1048

I just got out of a relationship that was longer than 2+ years and now I'm in love with this girl who I've known for longer than 10+ years. Problem is that whenever I ask her out on a date, she just kind of laughs it off and says sure, sure but I'm actually super serious. I just want to kiss her without her being drunk and I don't know if she's actually into me or just being a friend.. Most likely she isn't interested but is there wrong with holding out a little bit longer to see if she'll give me a shot? We flirt and everything but I don't see anything sticking or maybe I'm just stupid and don't know how to tell the signs anymore.

Anonymous 07/25/17 (Tue) 03:50:47 PM1061

>>1048
Stop dancing around it, sit her down and talk to her. Explain you're being serious and ask her what her feelings are towards you. There isn't time for holding out and bullshitting yourself

Anonymous 07/25/17 (Tue) 09:04:26 PM1065

>>1061

Thanks Anon, I'll give it my best shot.

Anonymous 07/30/17 (Sun) 09:46:44 PM1258

When I was young I had a male childhood who I had this innocent crush on. We were friends up until 4th grade when I moved away and we never spoke after that. It’s been 10 years since I moved and ever so often I have dreams about him where we meet and end up falling in love.

Has anyone else experienced this or am I just some weirdo? I’ve been in multiple relationships so I don’t think I have these dreams out of loneliness and wishing to date someone.

Anonymous 07/30/17 (Sun) 10:47:35 PM1261

>>1065

Update??

Anonymous 08/01/17 (Tue) 07:32:45 AM1282

I just went through my first break-up ever. It feels weird. I don't regret my decision of breaking up but I just feel weird.

Anonymous 08/01/17 (Tue) 10:16:58 PM1290

What's the healthy thing to do when you're contemplating breaking up with someone, especially if you want to wait and see how certain things in the relationship goes before pulling the trigger on it?

Like, when I hear people talking about getting broken up with they always say something like "The worst part was that she hadn't been in love with me for months before she finally broke up with me", but like, isn't it the responsible thing to do not to break up immediately the second you feel your heart waver, especially if it's already a long term relationship? And if you're not going to immediately break up with someone, it seems fucked up to bring up that you're "thinking about it" or something if you're still not really sure about it, because then if you decide to stay it's just fucking with their emotions needlessly, isn't it? And even if you say "I'm going to break up with you if these particular things don't change", then aren't you just using breaking up as a threat to manipulate them into doing what you want?

I still feel like if my SO was thinking about breaking up with me, I'd prefer they didn't talk to me about it until they'd made up their mind, unless they actually needed to get my input on it to make their decision. Am I thinking about this all wrong?

Anonymous 08/02/17 (Wed) 07:03:45 PM1304

I love my bf but he's so ignorant sometimes. I'm not talking about things like opinions or anything like that. I mean things like basic biology and everyday grammar and other obvious things we learn when we're in school. It's like he doesn't know anything and that can be maddening.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 03:51:34 AM1311

I found an ED article on the girl I'm dating and found out things that would've been a dealbreaker if I'd known them. What do?

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 04:38:29 AM1313

>>1311
How long have you been together? Are you liking her enough to overlook them now?

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 01:34:32 PM1318

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I love my boyfriend to bits and we've been together for years but like some anons in this thread, I have a sinking feeling that our relationship can't/won't progress. He's a hardcore NEET and despite me trying my best to encourage him to finish school, get his license, and work, he just shuts down and gets pissed off at me. Which is understandable since I don't want to be a nag or like his mother either. Also lately it feels like we've been picking fights with each other for no reason and it really hurts. I love him so much but I can't stand this, feeling like the one person I care about the most is just with me out of habit. I want to talk it out with him before I do anything rash like break up, but I don't want to issue an ultimatum either.

>>1290
I feel the exact same way as you, IMO. Why do relationships have to be so complicated? Why can't romance just be like how it is in my visual novels

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 02:43:27 PM1319

>>1318
Has he always been a NEET? If so, why did you start dating him knowing he was one? To change him? He sounds like an introvert, and very comfortable with his way of living. My advice is that you either need to adapt to his way of living or just break up with him.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 02:47:14 PM1321

>>1261

We had a long talk and we are going to give it a serious try this time. I'm a no bullshit kind of person so I didn't give her any room to wiggle out of it and it actually worked out in my favor? She seemed to enjoy that part of me a lot. Thanks for the extra push!!

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 02:55:16 PM1322

>>1319
being a NEET is really rarely comfortable, anon. Not having to hold down a standard job in order to survive? That can be very comfortable. But I feel like most people in that situation who aren't suffering from depression will often throw themselves so deeply into a passion or hobby of theirs that it becomes their profession. For example, maybe if they're passionate about singing they'll take voice lessons and become a singer or something. Maybe they're still living mainly off their trust fund or whatever, but they still probably wouldn't consider themselves a NEET because they're doing all the work they need or want to be doing.

NEETs on the other hand tend to have a preoccupation with the fact that they're not employed. Often it's a bar of entry for them into other spaces. Maybe they can't afford to do certain things because they're unemployed, or they have a strained relationship with their friend or family due to their unemployment. Normally I feel like if the NEET were capable of working (physically and emotionally) they absolutely would.

So unless the person is an atypical NEET who still goes out and does things, has close friendships, has something they spend their time improving themselves on, etc, I think the anon is right to worry.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 03:19:06 PM1324

>>1319
We started dating in high school before we 'had' to have jobs. I have told him multiple times that I'm okay with him being NEET and he can be my househusband and I'll just get a good job, but he seems to really hate the idea of that and says it makes him feel emasculated. Which I understand, but he doesn't seem to want to actually work either, he's in limbo it feels like.

>>1322
Basically he's as you described. He seems to enjoy all the free time he has from being NEET and doesn't want to give it up, but he also hates the social stigma and not having any money.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 04:57:28 PM1334

>>1313
I don't know.
We've been dating officially for a year and I guess social media profiles other than FB never came up because we met IRL. I found her old nickname by chance and googled it I know I shouldn't have and if I had known then what I know now then no, I definitely wouldn't have started dating her, but it's sorta unfair to use her past against her now if we're happy? I don't know, I need advice.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 05:25:00 PM1336

>>1334
1. do you think that stuff was relevant at the time that you started dating, or was it already old news? If it was something you feel she was actively hiding, you should break up immediately, but if it was far enough in her past that it's reasonable that she might have just already distanced herself from it that's a different story.

2. Is it something that you can unsee? If you don't think you'll be able to look at her the same way ever again, even if it seems unfair breaking up still seems like the mature thing to do.

Otherwise, if it's something that, knowing her as you do now, you can forgive and look past, and it's not something she was intentionally keeping from you at the start of the relationship, I don't think it should really be a problem. I'd tell her that you found it either way, though. It's always good to have that stuff out in the open, and who knows? You may gain some insight into what she was going through at the time that might give it some context and make it feel more human.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:10:55 PM1344

>>1336
1. Records of her actions stopped around 6 months before we met.
2. She scammed other girlfriends for money and goods and cheated on everyone she's been with to get maximum gains and muh troubled heart being torn between my two soulmates. A lot of fuckery.

I don't know how to bring it up because she made me promise not to google her. Multiple times.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:13:07 PM1345

>>1344
Wasn't there a HIMYM episode like this?

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:18:37 PM1346

>>1318
I dated someone with no goals and no motivation for SIX YEARS. He dropped out of college, worked a dead-end job, among other things. I broke up with him, and soon after, he got his life together. He seems to be doing much better (after going through a short bout of depression). It's your life, and if it's bringing you down and you feel like you're on different levels or paths, do what you need to do.

>>1344
>I don't know how to bring it up because she made me promise not to google her. Multiple times.
I mean, this sort of sounds like she was worried about something or hiding something and is redflag-y in itself.

Has she given you any indication that she's cheated on you or is taking advantage of you right now? Six months before you met isn't a terribly long time to change, but you've already been together for a year and I feel like you'd be able to see signs of bad behavior by now.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:19:39 PM1347

>>1345
Which one? I never watched it but now I want to.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:21:15 PM1348

>>1346
Sorry for double post. (saged)
Maybe she's just embarrassed about her past, we've all been shitty at some point. She never asked me for anything, but she has a well-paying job now, so she wouldn't need to, either. She's been very open with me and I assumed her reluctance to be googled was so I wouldn't find any hyper-personal vent blogs on Tumblr or something.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 08:52:26 PM1349

>>1344
on the one hand making you promise not to google her, with all this in mind, does seem pretty suspicious. On the other hand, a certain level of privacy is healthy and even necessary, so it does feel like kind of a grey area.

For a while when I first started dating my boyfriend I made him promise not to read my tumblr blog because I was getting out of a string of abusive relationships and felt like a private space away from my SO to vent and evaluate things was one of the key things I was missing. So, I wasn't using my privacy to hide anything, I was just using it so I could grow independent of him.

If I were you, (and I'm a very honest person), I'd definitely feel the need to tell her that I went back on my promise and googled her. I would apologize about doing it, and put it all out on the table. But, that's probably going to be a pretty hard conversation to have, so I can understand feeling hesitant to do it.

Anonymous 08/03/17 (Thu) 09:56:33 PM1350

>>1347
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2072524/ but on second review she didn't want to be googled because she was basically a genius saint or something

Anonymous 08/05/17 (Sat) 04:41:05 PM1388

I think I'm in the r/deadbedrooms version of an LDR. I've been mostly ignoring how stagnant our relationship has been for the past half year by busying myself with work and classes and hoping thing would magically change one day. Right now I'm ignoring it by healing from surgery.

I have more time (no work or classes for a few weeks) how do I reignite the "spark" into an LDR? We have the opportunity for him to come visit me next month, but he's been indecisive about this (money and time isn't the issue, I think it's a comfort zone thing for him), and I want to light the fire under his ass to make a decision without being too naggy about it.

I really enjoyed playing Portal 2 coop with him when we first started talking, any recs for similar coop/multiplayer puzzle games? Anything more engaging than movies/shows?

Anonymous 08/06/17 (Sun) 03:32:05 AM1401

>>1321
Anon I've been checking back almost every day no joke. I'm so glad it's working out!!! Good luck to you <333

Anonymous 08/08/17 (Tue) 07:25:19 AM1430

>>259
From how you describe it - that sounds really unhealthy. Consider the fact that relationships are a two-way street, it takes both parties to make the relationship work. That means each of you are expected to make sacrifices and are going to make sacrifices. The thing is - he's telling you that if you don't like something that's simply your problem to deal with, not his. He doesn't consider you to be worth the effort. Love is about giving and he's essentially telling you to take it or leave it because he's number one on the priority list for both you and him. If he's not willing to do something small like help you where he can - he's not going to do the big things for you, and in the end you'll burn out because this "relationship" will become a chore that falls solely on you. My advice is talk to him. Gently. Reasonably. Make him understand that you don't feel appreciated. Love means giving. And he hasn't shown love for you. If he doesn't listen and see that he needs to be more considerate, I'm certain this will run into wall later on.

Anonymous 08/08/17 (Tue) 08:03:54 AM1431

>>1011
Sounds like you need to seek professional help about it. You might be an addict. Behavioral addictions are a thing, indicative of underlying issues like anxiety.

Anonymous 08/09/17 (Wed) 04:40:04 AM1442

>>1388

I don't know if this counts as a puzzle game (it seems more like survival), but my SO and I love playing Don't Starve Together. It requires team effort and tons of communication (breaking up tasks between the two of you, coordinating during winter, etc.).

Anonymous 08/09/17 (Wed) 02:01:46 PM1448

>>1388
I've been in an in-person relationship that had some similar issues. Honestly multiple. If you've already made some efforts that he hasn't engaged in, then there's not really a way to get out of it unless you have an uncomfortable conversation, and it's probably better to do it in person.

I'd just be direct about it. Tell him you need to know by x date if he is coming next month so you can plan accordingly and that it's important to you. If that feels like nagging that may be indicative of other problems. If he ends up deciding to not come then you'll just have to talk about it online but you need to talk about it. Even if you find something temporary to get him interested again, it's better to have a talk so you both understand what the other person wants in the long run and can work together to avoid the situation in the future. Otherwise you're always scrambling on your own to try to keep things fresh but it's not one single person's responsibility to do that, or you may always be stressed by your relationship while he thinks things are fine so you're suffering alone. Is there an end to the LD in sight and how far apart are you two?

For co-op games, my partner and I have been LOVING Overcooked. So good. We three starred all the available content in like a weekend. The only con is that it is so short. I've been recommended Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris and Trine 2 as good co-op puzzle games but we haven't gotten to them ourselves yet.

Anonymous 08/09/17 (Wed) 02:14:58 PM1449

>>1448
Double posting here, but I wanted to add that I've noticed a reoccurring theme of girls here being worried about being naggy and I just wanted to say that you should feel comfortable asking your partner to take on basic responsibilities in the relationship and that in itself is not naggy. If they make you feel bad or naggy when you're politely asking them to do basic stuff, that's on them not you. There is a right way and a wrong way to bring stuff up, but if you feel like you can't bring stuff up at all in your relationship that is a major issue.

I know it's probably rooted in societal views on women who aren't completely submissive and meek, but 'yall deserve better and we can move on from that together <3

Anonymous 08/10/17 (Thu) 03:21:54 AM1460

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Got a crush that clearly doesn't reciprocate. I really want to get over my feelings because I'm getting overwhelmed by jealousy and anxiety. Does anyone have any advice with this? I've never had a crush that wasn't returned - I already have low self-esteem so suddenly not being given the attention I'm used to is killing me. I can't think clearly.

Anonymous 08/10/17 (Thu) 09:18:21 AM1462

>>1460
I've been there anon. I'm not sure what to recommend, but it DOES get better. You'll find the right person, and his lack of interest could very well be due to inner conflict (closet gay, scared of rejection, strange trauma etc).

Even if he's "just not that into you", then just remember that if most men have reciprocated your feelings then it's not because you are ugly or something. Hope you feel better soon anon!

Anonymous 08/11/17 (Fri) 05:16:26 AM1480

>>1388
Battleblock Theater! it's really fun to play together.

Anonymous 08/11/17 (Fri) 11:54:17 AM1488

>>1460
Have you already admitted that you like them and been rejected? Honestly, rejection helps me get over that fast. Yeah it may feel super embarrassing and really hurt for a few days, but it's different from thinking that someone probably doesn't like you back but still holding out a bit of hope because neither of you have really laid your feelings out on the table yet. The latter feelings take a lot longer to get rid of in my experience. It could be different for you but it's something to consider.

Anonymous 08/12/17 (Sat) 01:07:24 AM1506

>>1488
Thanks for the advice. I believe I screwed it up because when I asked them out they asked why. I panicked and gave a pathetic answer that honestly annoyed them, like they found it confusing and exhausting. And they already had no interest in relationships. So I messed up my chance. But if I couldnt get my feelings out honestly - I shouldn't ask them to give me a chance anyway.

Anonymous 08/12/17 (Sat) 07:02:19 AM1514

Just started a long distance relationship after only going out with the guy for around two weeks. We'll see each other in around four months, I'm pretty anxious but I really want us to work out and be together in the end.

Anyone here has had successful LDRs? If everything works out we'll be able to live in the same area in roughly a year so I really want to hold up until then.

Anonymous 08/16/17 (Wed) 05:52:12 PM1602

>>1514
>Anyone here has had successful LDRs? If everything works out we'll be able to live in the same area in roughly a year so I really want to hold up until then.

If you ask me that in 6 mo I'll be able to answer. Wish me gl.

Anonymous 08/20/17 (Sun) 09:50:48 AM1642

So, yeah. I was in a relationship with absolutely amazing guy for three years. He is fun, kind, exciting, smart and hot. The perfect package.
Unfortunately, he is also uncommittable long-term. He suffers from serious case of wanderlust, last year he went to travel for 6 months before coming back to me (because he wanted to be with me and loved me etc, whatever); but this time round he's realised that he would just keep leaving and it's not fair to me to just keep continually waiting for him. So he left the country, and we broke up. We stayed in touch first until I said that I think I should stop talking to him for a while if I want to move on, because this way I just keep hoping he'll change his mind and come back.
I know he loves me, which just makes the whole situation that more shit. I was his first serious girlfriend, I had relationships before but this one was the best. Not only am I crazy about him, I think he's genuinely a lovely person and there are so many things I admire about him. I really thought that that was it. That he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And now it's over and I have no idea how to get over him. I went through breakups before, but it seemed to me that they were more rational, final, the only solution because the relationships were broken/not working anymore. This relationship was seriously great.
I know they say that time heals all wounds but it hurts so fucking bad. I'm trying to concentrate on myself, do things, have hobbies (which is difficult with my work/studies, and I'm worried I'll be asked to leave my course due to not being productive enough), but my mind keeps going back to him.
So. How do you get over someone you thought was perfect for you? How do you stop waiting? Does time really make it better? I can't even imagine ever meeting a guy who would be half as lovely and great for me as he was. I want to get angry at him but I can't even do that, because I see his logic and where he's coming from, even if I don't necessarily agree with all the implications.

Anonymous 08/20/17 (Sun) 02:30:27 PM1643

I'm a very succesful person in a way, top grades, top achievements, really good looking(done a bit of modeling), networked, cultured and well traveled and in a very competitive field doing great etc… But, I have a VERY hardcore past. Mental illness, ties to organised shady stuff and substances among the tip of the iceberg.
I'm seeing a great guy right now, continents away from my past, and things are going great, but a little fast. He's a super succesful guy and ahead in life, some would say I could do better(looks wise, he's like a 5-6/10 while I've been rated as a 8.5-9/10 my whole life), but I digress. He's a wholesome and a calm guy, I just feel comfortable like never before. Obviously I have to let him know about my past at some point. I've had to disappear and resurface a few times in my life, to avoid future and possible complications. I'm not on any list as far as I have dug.

This is where it all plays out, in his eyes I'm this gorgeus caring very smart woman super into him and he won the lottery. He kind of thinks already that I'm waifu material. (I'm a bit paranoid and due to my past keep tabs on everything. I don't use anything I keep on tabs about against anyone. That would beat the point.)

I will have to tell him before things get serious about the technically severe mental illness before things get serious. Question is,
>When and how??
As for the rest I have no idea how or when when it comes to our relationship. Telling anything is a high risk liability and no one other than me knows the extent of the stupid shit I've been involved in. So,
>should I even tell and then, do I go with a discretionary basis? Or is that a bit insulting??

Anonymous 08/20/17 (Sun) 05:32:50 PM1646

>>1643
How much you say is up to you, but it's not a good foundation for a relationship to hide that kind of secret. When things are about to get serious, sit him down and have a 'relationship talk'. You could also ask him to decide whether he wants to know about your past or not. What kind of organised shady stuff? Something you could still get into legal trouble for?

Anonymous 08/20/17 (Sun) 06:20:02 PM1647

>>1602
Good luck friend, I hope we'll both make it!

Anonymous 08/22/17 (Tue) 12:33:50 PM1669

>>1646
I'll start it off with the mental illnesses. I believe for most parts, the statute of limitations has passed. So, ideally I'd wait around a bit longer to be sure. Even then, a good idea, I'll ask does he really want to know.

Thanks Anon, I have a bit more perspective now.

Anonymous 08/28/17 (Mon) 08:50:57 PM1753

I get scared that a relationship ruins my chances at improving myself because of how comfy they can get longterm. As a result I find it hard to get close to people.

Do any of you have a balance?

Anonymous 08/28/17 (Mon) 09:02:19 PM1758

>>1753
What do you mean by "how comfy they can get"?

Anonymous 08/28/17 (Mon) 09:03:43 PM1759

>>1758 like when you sit in scruffy clothes eating junk food for one thousand years

Anonymous 08/30/17 (Wed) 09:14:40 AM1771

>>1011
Sounds like me earlier this year. It got to the point that when he ended it with me I was too emotionally drained to care. I hope things work out for you anon, if I had any advice to give you it's that please realise there are better people out there for you and you don't deserve abuse even if it comes from someone you may be infatuated with.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 12:53:44 AM1778

artworks-000125924…

I really like this guy that's recently been introduced into my friend group. I think he may like me back, but here's a nice and long list of all my worries and issues

1. Getting together might fuck with our friend group
2. Breaking up WILL fuck with our friend group
3. I'm pretty sure this other guy (will refer to as Guy) in my friend group likes me and has liked me for a very long time
4. Crush and Guy are childhood friends, a further kick in the nuts for Guy.
5. Crush and Guy are also roommates.
6. I worry that most my male friends are beta orbiters and don't truly like me as a friend, will ditch me immediately
7. I'm romantically, emotionally, and sexually retarded like holy shit (19, never before had a desire for an actual relationship)
8. don't even know if I'm attracted to males, or anybody, since I've had 0 sex drive almost my entire life. tried sex with a guy and with a mtf, did not enjoy and cried a lot each time
9. I really really like him tho what the fuck is wrong with me

guess the obvious answer is to let this crush blow over but damn if I won't be a little disappointed.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 01:56:02 AM1779

Would you consider it okay if your SO got another girl's number, made it appear as if he was single, and texted her? And kept it from you for a week?

>not going to give context to what happened to me, just want to hear opinions

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 02:32:17 AM1780

>>1779
That's really shady. I'd either confront him about it or wait and secretly keep an eye on him and see if he does anything else.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 03:20:22 AM1781

>>1780
Tbh the way the poster made it seem was that she was the girl the dude was texting, but maybe that's just me

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 03:21:06 AM1782

>>1781
No, it was my boyfriend.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 03:21:20 AM1783

>>1779
getting a number, texting her, and not telling you right away, sure.
but what do you mean made it appear he was single? did it just not come up that he has a gf or did he actually imply he was single and hide stuff?

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 03:24:38 AM1784

>>1783
In the texts, he said "friendzoning me already?" and said something sexual to her.

It was a girl at a coffeeshop we go to together often, sometimes multiple times a week. She's seen me with him there before, paying for his meals, going dutch, him paying for me. She either must have thought we broke up, doesn't care, or he said something about me that he isn't telling me.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 08:53:45 AM1785

>>1784
I'm sorry, anon, but that sounds really bad. I'd say you should confront him and see how he behaves.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 11:26:38 AM1786

tenor.gif

>>1784
Dump him. Dump him ASAP.
This man has no respect for you or your relationship, he has violated your trust and I can promise you that he is going to cheat on you. Don't give him anymore of your precious time.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 04:17:08 PM1788

>>1785
>>1786
He says he's sorry but also it's partly my fault because I made such a big deal out of him talking about her that he felt like he might as well do it.

He had been talking about her a lot (saying she's cute, going there just to see her, talking about specific things about her looks and her sexually) and I got jealous. It had been a big fight over the course of a week, and I had been out of town, then he went and got her number. Apparently it's my fault he got her number because he might as well be guilty for something since I'm already upset??

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 06:04:34 PM1790

>>1788
>he says he's sorry
>but also it's partly my fault because I made such a big deal out of him talking about her that he felt like he might as well do it
Nope, nope, nope, NOPE
That disloyal little faggot bitch is trying to gaslight you.
There is never an excuse for dishonesty or disloyalty in a mutual relationship. If you have a problem or feel you're developing feelings for another person, you either talk about it, reconcile, reach an agreement, or you break up. He's not sorry that he went behind your back, he's only sorry that he got caught. Next time your back is turned he will do it again, only then he'll know better how not to get caught.

Please don't waste another second of your time with this loser because he doesn't respect you at all. If he likes this other girl so much, let him have her.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 07:07:07 PM1791

>>1788 WOW how did he even turn that back onto you, the little cunt. Dump his ass and find someone that appreciates you.

Anonymous 08/31/17 (Thu) 07:16:32 PM1792

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>>1788
aaaaaAAAAAAH
I usually find myself being kind of a devil's advocate in relationship advice because I've had a lot of grey areas with mine and a lot of girls are very quick to say Just dump him but
JUST DUMP HIM
Like others have said he's already trying to gaslight you for just this. Its only going to get worse and this is bad enough on his own. The fact that you typed out his words as if they're reasonable shows that you might be very vulnerable and submissive in your relationships, no offense, but if you're eager to please and shy from confrontation in romantic settings, and he's gaslighting you and feeling absolutely zero guilt or ownership of what he's doing, that is like the recipe for diaster.

Get the fuck outta there!!!

Anonymous 09/06/17 (Wed) 07:14:56 AM1846

>>1778
All I can say is, don't shit where you eat unless you're willing to scrape the shit off with your bare hands and still eat there. Don't go there.

Anonymous 09/06/17 (Wed) 07:45:33 PM1848

R1mEdxt.jpg

my boyfriend and my best friend are in love.

Anonymous 09/06/17 (Wed) 08:43:23 PM1853

>>1848 time to take some downtime to fall in love with yourself then anon <3 thinking of you

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 03:44:16 PM1858

1499838398772.png

How do you deal with your partner's parents?

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 03:53:43 PM1859

>>1858
Act like them and do as they do. And laugh at all their jokes.

When in Rome (or their house).

Then slowly announce your own opinions on things.

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 04:20:26 PM1861

21191142_102081548…

I ended up checking the soc media of my ex who was emotionally abusive to me yesterday to find out he has a new girlfriend.
I don't know how to feel. I have a new partner who is 10x more supportive and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
But i felt so strange seeing him with this new girl, posting stupid pictures of their shoes together and shit on insta.

I know i shouldn't let stupid stuff like this get to me because he's the most narcissistic, shallow waste of space I've ever had the misfortune to meet. But seeing him do stuff like that that he never did with me just boils my blood a bit because I worshiped the ground he walked on.

I guess I'm just angry over what he did to me still and the fact he seems to treat this chick 10x better than what he treated me. It fucking stings, man.
Anyone relate?

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 05:27:06 PM1862

>>1861
I relate to this, sister. Try blocking him, that will help you against the urge of checking him up again. :c

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 08:08:48 PM1863

IMG_20170417_23522…

>>1861
I understand the feeling, girl. It just sucks ass to see an ex treat their new partner better, even if you aren't into him anymore. I guess it just generates a deep feeling of resentment at not having been enough for him when you tried your best, and that conjures up all sorts of other angry feelings.
Meh, at least you could be glad that it at least seems like he's not hurting someone else.

Anonymous 09/07/17 (Thu) 09:40:54 PM1864

>>1861

I relate to this so much, it's so awful. Although I didn't have a boyfriend at the time (obviously), when my abusive ex broke up with me he was all like "o i never will love again, i need to heal, it will take me such a long time", and bam - new girlfriend two weeks later. And he came to me and said "Oh, I know I was shitty with you, but I need to thank you for all you've thought me, I am gonna be a better boyfriend for her now", like.. UGH. I blocked him and it helped a ton, do it, anon.

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 07:51:10 AM1900

Ive been married a few years now and we are both younger (in our 20s). I love my husband so much and wouldnt want anyone else. However recently he's been completely miserable and its been straining our relationship.

He works a job he hates but is a bit obligated to stay because of family (not me, his parents). He also feels stuck because he isnt trained in anything else and switching careers is difficult. He doesnt have anything in particular he'd rather do. At work he can become rather anxious because he sometimes has to deal with heights and he is ridiculously scared of heights. A severe phobia honestly, it affects his life negatively to the point where sometimes he just wont go to work.

I'm trying my best here to find ways to help him but he is extremely stubborn and hates every idea I have. Any advice on um… dealing with a depressed partner who is reluctant to work towards resolving their issues?

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 08:37:40 AM1901

>>1900
Switching careers is difficult but in your 20s you're just starting out in life! He has sooo much time to learn new skills if he wants.
Why do his parents want him to stay in his job so badly?

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 11:14:56 AM1902

1493879543151.png

>>1901
They dont know he wants to switch yet. But its a bit of an unsaid obligation that they would want him to have this job. Its something they've always wanted him to do, both his parents have this job, and so did his grandfather. So its 3 generations of this. Getting into this career is extremely difficult and so since he's already in… it feels like them giving him the application was wasteful (if that makes sense)

Its an extremely coveted and well paying job but its really shitty labor at the beginning until you move up the ranks. He isnt even doing the hard labor jobs any more but he's still scared at the /chance/ he could get a job where he would have to climb up high.

He's being so stubborn and not communicating well at all. I want to support him with whatever he wants to do and help him with his health but he just is… refusing everything right now its extremely frustrating.

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 04:25:54 PM1903

My boyfriend of many years just broke up with me. I'd love to say more but he knows I post here. I'm just so confused and heartbroken. I planned out my entire life with this guy and he doesn't want to make it work like I do…

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 04:46:17 PM1904

>>1903
I'm so sorry Anon. I'm sending you a hug.

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 05:22:08 PM1906

>>1904
seriously appreciated, kind anon <3

Anonymous 09/10/17 (Sun) 11:16:21 PM1910

mio.gif

I've had a crush on the same guy for almost a year now. My feelings for him have gone up and down, and I lost feelings for him for awhile but they recently came back after we hung out somewhat recently. It's pretty hard for me to get crushes so when I do… I guess they're kinda special. Whenever I would hang with him he was always super nice to me and I've always thought he was kinda cute by never REALLY liked him. I think I started liking him when I saw him for the first time in awhile and he said he missed me, lol. He's got a great personality, sense of style, similar interests, and he's kinda smart too. I'd want something to happen with him at least once before we lose contact with eachother. But I know nothing will probably happen due to him having a girlfriend right now, and how he had another girlfriend before her for like a couple of months. I guess all I can do is hope…tfwnobf

Anonymous 09/11/17 (Mon) 06:14:34 PM1916

1496905616092.gif

I've been with this guy for a while. It's an LDR, and I love him a lot, but we have a bad past and stuff that has happened between us that is hard to get over. I love him very much but the negative things that have happened are difficult to stop thinking about.

For some reason, lately, I've been missing my ex a lot. I know that my ex and I weren't meant to be and it would be a nightmare if we got back together but I can't stop thinking about him and dreaming about him. He was so cute, good to me when he wasn't being a total shithead, and he actually lived here. I miss doing fun things with him. Getting food, going places. Now, I have no one to do any of that with. I hate to say it, but I regret not letting him take my virginity because now I'm the only one who's still a virgin. It seems like everyone else, including my boyfriend, has had sex except me.

Anonymous 09/13/17 (Wed) 05:25:59 PM1957

please just let me…

I wish my ex would let me go. I actually am conflicted about staying friends with him, but I just don't think it's really worth it anymore. Especially now that he's living another ex-gf that's already proven to be way too controlling and needy, but he really has no choice since he's been kicked out by his mom.

He's confessed that he actually hates living with her and other red-flaggy stuff that.. I knew would happen. I knew that this would happen and I knew he was making a mistake moving in with her, but what can I do? I'm struggling myself as it is, and I just wish he could let me go. I confessed that I didn't even want to date him due to his age (he was eighteen and I'm already in my twenties) and I would've been fine being his friend, but now I sometimes wish we never met.

I'm an awful person.

Anonymous 09/13/17 (Wed) 05:47:47 PM1960

fSSh7df.jpg

I feel horrible and I need your advice
I have a girlfriend and we're together for five years now. I still love her very much!
We are both huge nerds and we've always been nerding over things together.
Sadly, I've been falling out with fandoms lately, working more and more on my own projects. She's still 100% into fandom things. On top of that she is very involved in some actors and their lives and I'm just… I don't get it anymore. It's like she's in a place I can't reach anymore.

Life has been very hard on us lately, forcing both of us to quit our jobs so we are spending all our time together. And almost everything she talks about is these actors. Or fandom related content. I am trying so hard to keep up with her, to listen to her like she would want me to - even to encourage her, but it's getting so hard. I am so easily unnerved lately. I honestly don't get it anymore. I am trying for her sake but when I am confronted with the question what an actor I do not care about might be doing currently multiple times a day… it's just getting hard.

I do not want to hurt her feelings but I am also starting to worry about her. Her thoughts seem to revolve around these actors 24/7 and I wonder whether she is losing perspective in her life. I want to support her and I want her to be happy. I want us both to be happy and I would love to hear her talk more about herself than about these actors or that fandom.

Am I just being selfish? Should I learn to listen more and better? Or can you understand my worry?

Anonymous 09/13/17 (Wed) 10:53:00 PM1975

>>1960
That sucks Anon. You both being NEETS at the moment might contribute to the irritation you feel. Like you're already so much around each other, any annoyance feels twice as bad because you're already feeling a little caged in? It's normal for partners to have different hobbies and areas of interest I guess, but I'd feel weird too because I associate heavy fandom involvement with escapism. Are you worried about that being the case and that's why you're so irritable? Is she still trying to get a new job and have a life outside of fandom?

Anonymous 09/17/17 (Sun) 09:55:50 AM2040

>>1916
I know you posted this six days ago but holy fuck, are you me? Except for the fact I don't really miss my ex, we're pretty much exactly the same. I've had sex before but apparently most idiots don't think it counts as real sex because it wasn't with a guy, so i feel like a virgin because of people's bullshit, not really because of myself. That is weird and makes me feel even more self conscious and worried than I usually am, and I wish my boyfriend was here now not only because i love him a lot but because i really want to "lose" my virginity or the rest of it, whatever.
Hugs. I'm around if you're still feeling the same way and want to say anything, I'm all ears.

Anonymous 09/17/17 (Sun) 09:57:02 AM2041

>>2040
Oh yeah, I'm also struggling with my ldr bf because even though we love each other a lot, we've been in each other's lives forever and lots of shit have happened too. Sending good vibes your way, sis.

Anonymous 09/28/17 (Thu) 02:02:08 PM2240

10614139_155735404…

>be bisexual from childhood
>forcibly outed and bullied at school
>date dudes out of fear
>try dating girls at the end of high school
>get raped by some fucking crack addict psycho bitch
>try to kill myself
>date dudes out of fear
>try to date a girl, cry and have panic attacks every time we fuck
>date dudes out of fear
>meet a great girl and a seemingly great dude at the same time, latch onto the dude because my feelings for the girl were scary
>dude breaks my heart, become suicidal again and fuck things up hugely with the girl
>end up in a LTR with a supportive dude who loves me and encourages me to go to therapy
>go to therapy
>therapy has taught me that I'm probably a fucking lesbian, thus making me incompatible with the one person who has ever truly supported me
>
>
>try to an hero
>still want to die now
>tf do I do

Anonymous 09/28/17 (Thu) 02:05:42 PM2241

retard.gif

>>2235
lmao no. You don't get validation and asspats for doing the bare fucking minimum: treating your girlfriend with respect.

>mfw I didn't abuse my gf today. wow yes I am so good plz give me a gold star

Anonymous 09/28/17 (Thu) 02:09:30 PM2242

>>2241
DON'T.RESPOND.TO.MEN

Anonymous 09/29/17 (Fri) 01:40:57 AM2314

>>2240
Sounds shockingly similar to my situation. In love with boy who has been my rock. Adore being around him. Live with him and enjoy life. Not attracted to him at all/we never have sex.

Anonymous 09/29/17 (Fri) 12:10:04 PM2317

>>2240
You'd be surprised to know lots of lesbians go through the same. It's sad. I'm sorry to hear you're going to that and I hope you can accept your true sexuality. If the person who's with you right now really loves you, he will want you to be mentally healthy and happy, even though you're not with him in a romantic way anymore.

I'm "bisexual" but if I wasn't with my great bf, who I really really love, I doubt I'd ever go back to men again. He's really an exception.

Anonymous 09/30/17 (Sat) 12:18:06 AM2333

I adore this girl but I feel too immature for her. she flirts back, but I'm scared of her losing interest when she realizes how she has her shit together and I don't. we're also close in age, but she's just so much further than me in life

Anonymous 09/30/17 (Sat) 12:50:00 AM2334

>>2333
How do you find girls like this to begin with

Anonymous 09/30/17 (Sat) 11:31:37 AM2343

fjaefeafeg.jpg

I finally decided to end my 5 year "best" friendship last night after 3 years of him (Yes, I'm female and had a male best friend) being completely toxic. We spoke everyday online since the day we met. Unfortunately, overtime I realized almost every conversation revolved around him. Despite talking for years, he's never even wished me a "Happy Birthday".

I've tried ending it in the past 3 years a couple times, but always felt bad and went back. I was his first and only friend, and he complained that everyone else always abandoned him. This time, after he called me basically called me a loser and yelled at me for offering him advice, I spoke with him about my feelings. I said I felt we grew apart etc. and asked him if he remembered the ONE time he genuinely apologized to me about his behavior. He said he didn't remember, so I mentioned it was the time I had a cancer scare and needed surgery to remove a tumor. I thought this would jog his memory.

He asked "You had a tumor?" He was serious. We spoke everyday so it just shows during those 2 weeks he literally never paid attention or cared. I mentioned that it hurt my feelings when a couple years prior I mentioned I was suicidal and he ignored me. His response? "Move on, it's been years".

Ironically, my cat was just diagnosed with a (luckily benign) tumor, and I told him this and he just replied "Your life is worse. You win!"

I thought to the future, if we continued as friends and my mom dies. I could suddenly just imagine the conversation: "It's okay. At least you liked your mom. I wish my parents would die already so I could get their house. Actually you are lucky, a lot of people would like to be in your position". From his other reactions to things is my life, this is the most honest reaction I can imagine.

I don't want or need someone like this in my life. This is the first time I've ever felt the need to end a friendship, much less a "best" friendship. Despite considering ending the friendship multiple times in the past, this is the first time I truly feel ready to move on. Suddenly, I feel free and "alive" for the first time in years. I'm excited to start a new chapter in my life without this toxic friendship. I actually still wish all the best for him, genuinely, but it's going to be great not always surrounded by negativity and being put down. I hope he finds the help me needs, and I will begin counseling to ensure I don't return to this toxic friendship.

Just wanted somewhere to share this oddly good news :)

>>img related seems appropriate

Anonymous 09/30/17 (Sat) 12:13:33 PM2344

I've been dating my gf for a little over 2 years now, she just graduated and we've started living together. I work most of the time and she has a small part-time job but she's been sad a lot lately about how she doesn't really have any drive in life
I feel like the only reason I have any drive is because I have active hobbies that have a sense of progression [cooking, making music, video games, basketball, etc] On the other hand, her hobbies are all passive like reading and listening to music. I've tried [with great care and support] to introduce her to some of my hobbies and try to find some of her own but she hasn't taken a liking to anything else. Even in the bedroom she's very passive and sub-y
I just want her to enjoy life as much as I do

tl;dr how do I make my girlfriend's life fulfilling? ):

Anonymous 09/30/17 (Sat) 04:50:06 PM2351

I'm tired of feeling like I need to ask for attention from the people I date. Is it really that hard to talk to the person you're in a relationship too everyday? I get being busy, but I always reach out.

Maybe it'd be different if I dated a woman.

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 12:02:01 PM2379

17629867_425679184…

>>2343

Holy, anon. Good riddance.

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 03:12:31 PM2384

>>2379
Yeah, the worst part is I told all my family what an awesome guy he is. They never even met him, but they love him from all the great things I've said sooo…not looking forward to sharing the news on what happened. >:(

Even though i'm now officially friendless (aside from acquaintances, since I spent most my free time talking…well, mainly listening…to him), it's sadly more peaceful like this.

We used to have sooo much fun together, so even though I'm happy it's over for my own sanity, it still sucks knowing that things can never return to the past. Since we met, his morals have gotten worse and worse over the past 1.5 years. He became an online scammer, and started trying to meet up with underaged girls saying he would wait until their 16th birthday to have sex with them (We are in our late 20's). He travels to (poor) foreign countries to sleep with women he meets online and started saying shit like he wished his parents would die (they've paid for 3 college degrees for him and haven't done anything terrible to him) so he could get their house. I don't know if there is anything I could have done to discourage things from turning out this way…When did it change from us going to the arcade to…this???

>>Is it fucked up that I only realized today how much he's destroyed my self-esteem?

I went out with some girls last night and realized how much I changed in the past few years. Try not to smile with my teeth because he said I don't look cool, if I start laughing and joking around immediately stop because he said I looked like an idiot and talk too much. I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror at my bleached blonde hair he complained is "too dark and orange" after I highlighted it because he said it was ugly brown. I looked at my teeth that my family spent $20,000 to fix and how nice they are because I whiten them and use a retainer every night. I'm not great looking, so it's one of my nicer features but he acted embarrassed if I smiled showing teeth in public.

Honestly, fuck him. I'm starting to feel the sadness kick in today, but I bet I'll be replaced within the month. I can't wait to binge on anime with the time I'd otherwise have spent listening to his incessant complaining, and learn to stop acting like a frigid fuck because my supposed best friend would make nasty comments if I acted friendly and sociable with people.

>>RIP SHITTY "FRIEND"

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 03:24:39 PM2385

>>2384

fuck anon, that's so rough. the parts where you said stuff about how you've changed because he told you that certain parts of you didn't fit his liking - that hit me hard, since recently I ended an abusive friendship like that myself.

you start questioning things about yourself, and whether you're actually as self aware as you thought. it's a terrifying experience, and I'm glad you've gotten rid of that person. Good riddance.

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 03:59:54 PM2387

arthur-this-isnt-w…

My bf makes really dumb/impulsive financial decisions and I've considered breaking up with him for it. He's a very nice, caring guy but it's hard for me to see a long-term future with someone who isn't good with money. For example, we've been talking a lot about moving in together but we can't do so until he gets a car. He only has 4k in savings but he's gotten it in his head that he wants to finance a brand new car. I've pointed out to him that buying a new car is one of the worst financial investments you can make, and how the value of a new car depreciates by 20% just after one year. It really makes no sense unless you're a wealthier person who wants to treat themselves. However he still won't listen, he wants to have a ~nice~ car that he knows the history of. He even admitted to me that it's a bit of an ego thing for him, but when I brought it up later he started to backtrack.

He's done other things like buying a $1000 VR system and buying plane tickets across the country just so he could "surprise" his parents with a weekend visit. I could understand this if there was an illness or family crisis, but nothing of the kind was happening. He was going to visit them in one month anyways so I don't know why he couldn't have waited. And tbh, the fact that I'm 2 years younger than him and have substantially larger savings doesn't help with my feelings of annoyance.

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 06:01:08 PM2390

>>2387
Actually it's not the worst decision at all, and in some cases can be extremely beneficial to his credit rating, which can help with better financing on a living space.
For example, last month I bought a 2017 Honda civic hatchback with 0% apr for new graduates and no down payment
$300/mo not counting insurance. If I continue paying that off my credit rating will be p hecking great by the end of it, plus I get a phenomenal car

>$1000 VR system
>plane tickets across the country
alright yeah he's got no sense
Does he get apprehensive when he sees that you're more responsible with money than he is?

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 06:24:09 PM2391

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I'm falling hard for a friend of mine. We started hanging out one-on-one over the summer and initially, there was a little bit of a spark that went further than friendship, but I didn't trust it because I had just gotten out of another LTR and thought I just had rebound zeal. Also, he's so different from anyone I've ever been with that I kept telling myself there was no way I was actually into him. My feelings just grow stronger the more we hang out together. I haven't felt this cozy and safe in years. I don't know how he's doing it, but there are parts of me that I feel like have been laying dormant since I was a little girl that are slowly coming to the surface again. He's so adorable, smart and sweet it kills me. I feel like we balance each other out perfectly. I've known him for a few years, but it was just through mutual friends and we hardly spoke to each other. He's so quiet it's kind of easy to overlook him, tbh.

As far as I can tell, the feeling is mutual. There were definite signs he was into me before I was ready to deal with that, and I think he backed off a bit when I didn't reciprocate to his advances as strongly. But I've been a little bit more friendly/flirtacious over the past few weeks, so now we seem to be heading in the direction of becoming more than friends :)

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 07:30:54 PM2395

>>130
he's into you

Anonymous 10/01/17 (Sun) 07:31:38 PM2396

>>2390
He didn't know how much I have in savings until I told him a few months ago, and yeah he's said it made him feel insecure about his own (lack of) finances. To his credit, he agrees that he can be too frivolous with money and that he'll try to save more. I guess I just want to see a more serious effort.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 01:40:13 AM2443

My friend is really confusing me. I was convinced they were crushing on me and over time I got feelings for them too. I'm entirely sure my feelings are mostly lust though. They kept tickling me and offering me massages??? And it made me feel very intense.

But now they keep making comments that just seem off and weird and borderline insulting my appearance. In like weird guy "banter" kind of way.

I'm fucking confused pls halp. I'm blinded by the feels I've caught.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 01:49:21 AM2444

>>2443
Is he trying to neg you? It's a thing that some men do in order to make you want to prove yourself to him.

Like "Anon, you've been getting squishy" or "wow this girl's [something you're insecure about] is really hot" to put you into a position where you want to defend yourself and fight for his approval.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 01:56:20 AM2445

>>2443
Boys when they get very close to you they say a lot of banter. Boys insult each other a lot and it seems fun to them. But to girls it cuts deep.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 02:01:11 AM2446

>>2444 Hmmmm maybe! But like >>2445 days I assumed it may be usual male friend horrible banter (they take it too far with girls I think, we do take things a lot more personally than guys) but it's just weird he's suddenly started doing it after acting like an actual prince for the last few months. Before then we'd just be super mischievous and our banter was mostly pulling light hearted pranks on each other.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 02:06:59 AM2447

>>2443
Men are terrible with feelings, cant openly show them, because other guys think it's a sign of weakness, so these off comments are his way of being playful without showing his soft side.

Anonymous 10/03/17 (Tue) 06:24:42 PM2453

>>2443
It might be "negging" it might be banter, or it might be playful teasing. Best thing you can do is be as straight forward as you can because they're always gonna be twice as confused about you as you are about them. If you make your feelings obvious or act a bit flirty and he doesn't play into it then there's probably nothing there after all.

Anonymous 10/04/17 (Wed) 06:21:08 PM2479

being in this thread makes me realized my fiance isn't really a "man" like many of the people are describing their boyfriends. he's just emotionally so different than any of the men described itt. it makes me feel very lucky.

Anonymous 10/05/17 (Thu) 03:38:59 PM2510

>>2443
>>2444
>>2445
>>2447
>>2453
>>2479

I'm
>>2343
and
>>2384
anon again.

My "best" friend and I haven't spoken since the fight except one time when he sent me an email and said he was sorry and that I'm his best friend.

I'm curious what constitutes banter/joking around. My "best" friend and I used to tease each other ("You're stupid", "You can't afford to get any bigger") but somewhere along the line things seemed to switch just like >>2443 where the comments crossed a line for me. They no longer seemed playful or in jest.

Often like "wow this girl's [something you're insecure about] is really hot".

>>Sage for you can totally ignore this, I'm just curious

Anonymous 11/12/17 (Sun) 09:29:57 PM3257

43997951_p0_master…

I love my boyfriend, but I am actually worried about that. We are both recently graduated engineers and live together. He is a native to our country and I am a gross eastern European immigrant.
While he and my other male friends got their jobs much faster I am still looking and its kind of been getting me down. I started working at a warehouse doing their stock management for decent money but it is still not as much as what my boyfriend makes.
Recently he has started making fun of me and my job saying that its just 'polack work' and that 'this is where I belong'. He usually does it in front of our friends which causes me to be mocked by everyone as I am the biggest failure out of all of them.
The thing is that I had helped him with the with his work in uni tremendously. We worked on project together and even through I got a much higher grade than he did he does not seem to understand that what he is doing is hurting my feelings.
When I tried to talk to him about it he accused me of 'not supporting' him and that I was jealous and selfish.
I am not sure how to fix this.

Anonymous 11/12/17 (Sun) 10:17:24 PM3263

Faceless.png

>>3257

>When I tried to talk to him about it he accused me of 'not supporting' him and that I was jealous and selfish.

WHY IS NO ONE ON HERE DATING A NORMAL PERSON!?

sage for being no help

Anonymous 11/12/17 (Sun) 11:44:54 PM3266

yotsubato-4110961.…

So, I'm a 20 year old girl and I have an amazing, very close-knit friend group. My ex-boyfriend used to be in the friend group too but isn't anymore.
I have had an extremely intense crush on one of these friends for quite a while. He is 33 years old, lives fairly far away and doesn't really act flirty towards me at all.
I fear he may not like me or will think I'm too young, but I also really want to let him know how I feel because these feelings are tearing me apart. I am constantly thinking about him and fantasizing about marriage with this guy. Every time I look at his face I have trouble containing myself.

The thing is, I don't want the friendship to end. If he's not interested in me I'd be completely fine just continuing being friends without awkwardness, but I'm not sure he'll feel the same way and I don't want to lose him and per extension the friend group (we usually hang out at his place).
What should I do?

Anonymous 11/13/17 (Mon) 02:21:42 PM3273

>>3257
Love yourself and break up with that retard. You didn't choose to be born in EE any more than he chose to be born into a middle class Western Euro family. If anything you've had to work harder just to emigrate and find work in a foreign country, possibly learn another language.

t. proud slavpoor

Anonymous 11/13/17 (Mon) 04:18:47 PM3274

My bf has been pissing me off lately. He's got weird clothing kinks, and we picked out and bought stuff for me to wear but he always is so lazy with sex! I'm getting annoyed cause I would have much rather used that money for stuff I'd want to wear normally instead of sex clothes. How the heck do I get him to use this stuff?

Anonymous 11/13/17 (Mon) 07:30:22 PM3275

>>3257
What's wrong with being Eastern European?

Anonymous 11/14/17 (Tue) 06:28:16 PM3290

Whenever I reach out to my boyfriend for comfort he pushes me away and gets annoyed with me if I don't feel better in his very first lazy try to calm me down. I'm sick of this,I know I'm hard to deal with but he says he's really trying and nothing changes.

Anonymous 11/14/17 (Tue) 06:43:11 PM3291

>>3290
Anon, when someone says that they are trying, but things still stay the same - it means that they are not really trying.

Anonymous 11/14/17 (Tue) 06:50:19 PM3292

>>3291
He acts fine for a week then proceeds to treat me like shit and when I confront him about it he says ''BUT I'VE BEEN GOOD FOR A WEEK I'M TRYING TO CHANGE BUT CHANGE TAKES TIME!111!!'' i'm so tired i don't even know what to do anymore

Anonymous 11/14/17 (Tue) 06:55:01 PM3293

>>3290
>>3292
You have two (kinda three) options for the most part: 1. Teach him how you want to be treated by telling him what to do or suggesting resources for him to learn emotional labor. 2. Figure out what's going wrong in his life that is making it hard for him to be there for you. 3. Talk about breaking up if he isn't genuinely changing.

In my experience I've either been bad at communicating what I wanted (major depressive episode where I don't even know what I need/want), or we've both been too stressed and lash out at each other.

I hope you can work through this, anon. It sucks that guys mostly suck at emotional labor and need to be taught stuff most girls have grown up doing.

Anonymous 11/15/17 (Wed) 03:44:30 AM3299

>>3275
Well, of course there isn't anything with eastern Euro, but in a lot of western Euros/Scandis/NAs seem to have a bad perception due to the ex-communism and because they have the stereotype of being car thieves, drug dealers etc.. unfortunate really..

Anonymous 11/15/17 (Wed) 10:23:08 AM3301

I have only ever been with guys that either treated me like trash and only wanted me for the sex or guys that treated me like a goddess that could do nothing wrong. Both are fairly abusive in their own right.

A few months ago, I met a couple of guys whom I thought were both pretty cute. I kept in contact with them, and met up with one of them this weekend.
He knew that I'm attracted to him, and we just went out for some drinks saturday evening and talked about ourselves for hours. I don't think I have ever met someone that I have so many interests in common with.
I accidentally got drunk and told him about my childhood trauma which I've been told is a big no-no so soon, but he was still up for meeting with me again the next day to play video games and hang out. Our friendship is a long-distance one, so I'm visiting him again early next year and he is planning on doing the same which is more effort than anyone else has ever put in.
Nothing happened this weekend at all, but he expressed happiness at finally getting to know me properly since our first meeting was very awkward, and my affection for him just grew 10x after this meeting. It was all just physical attraction before, but I absolutely adore his personality now too.
I have never hung out with a guy who didn't try to get intimate with me on our "first" date. I don't even know if this weekend can be considered a date cause I don't think I've ever gone on one before.

Either way, I'm so happy. He is really precious, and even if I'm completely wrong about how things are going, I'm just so excited to have met him and just be friends with him and I cannot wait to hang out with him more. Even if this goes nowhere, I feel like he's already a really healthy influence for me, and I'm just so thankful for that.

Anonymous 11/16/17 (Thu) 12:23:47 AM3314

>>3257
Put that Western pig down. Strike him where it hurts. Remind him he's nothing but a loser scoring way less than a poor immigrant child. He's jealous of your success in the university and wants to heal his ego by putting you down.
>he does not seem to understand
Ooh trust me, he does.
He reflected his own feelings when he accursed you of being the jealous one instead of listening to you and fixing the problem. Beware, chances of him admitting to this are low.
Put him back in his place.

t. another proud Slav

Anonymous 11/16/17 (Thu) 03:03:58 AM3321

ESSPURDO.png

>>3257
>saying that its just 'polack work' and that 'this is where I belong'.

What the fuck? I would have beat his ass with a broom there and then. If my boyfriend made jokes about my slavic genes in such an insulting way, he would have a broom up his ass. He thought you would be a pretty slav wifey "who knows her place", we all know the stereotype people have of slavic women. He got confronted by the reality and is intimidated by it. Jealous and selfish for not wanting to be insulted? I wrote you a haiku about this.

If he insults you
a broom in his ass it is
fuck that dude for real

t.fellow slavette

Anonymous 11/16/17 (Thu) 04:20:22 AM3326

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I've got a crush on a guy who's in my class and there's a sizable chance that he, at the very least, thinks I'm cute. And he seems to stare at me quite a bit.
But tbh, I don't think I'll be making a move.. I'm so skittish about getting rejected which really wouldn't help with my already fragile self-esteem. I'd also have to deal with the awkwardness that comes along with rejection.. Additionally, there could be a good chance that he's looking in my direction blankly and I'm mistaking that, and his friendliness, as a sign that he likes me.

Anonymous 11/16/17 (Thu) 05:06:28 PM3330

>>3321 the haiku part wrote me the fuck off

Anonymous 11/29/17 (Wed) 10:51:04 PM3524

DM9JyybVAAA6Upe.jp…

How can I stop being a clingy gf?

Anonymous 11/29/17 (Wed) 10:58:37 PM3526

>>3524
I'm guilty of the same but things that have helped me are pretending he doesn't exist for a few hours, so I can focus on whatever I'm doing. I try to check my phone to send a text or something and then remind myself that NO, it can wait. Enjoy your hobbies, and try to save time to do things that you love doing, whatever it may be. Your bf will appreciate it if you don't give him much room to breathe or enjoy himself on his own.
-had to repost this

Anonymous 11/29/17 (Wed) 11:06:39 PM3527

>>3326
I'd say it never hurts to take a first step, maybe try to bring up a conversation about something you enjoy and see if they reciprocate! If that doesn't work uh.. good luck? I'm only good for step by step advice.

Anonymous 11/30/17 (Thu) 04:45:19 AM3535

>>3326
I completely agree with >>3527 and really it never hurts to try. If you never really know if anything might happen you don't take that chance.

It's okay to feel that way about rejection. I don't know if this helps, but think of one interaction as something positive for yourself and how you might deal with future interactions whether it is the same guy or not. Also if you do get rejected, there will be some feeling of awkwardness and just give yourself space. Reflect on that rejection and give yourself some credit for trying and the interactions you initiated or felt really positive about.

Not sure if this will help, but it's how I tend to look at things when I'm interested in a guy.

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 04:01:38 AM3601

Okay people - when do you tell others/random strangers/acquaintances/potential friends who might or might not want to hook up with you that you are in a relationship? I don't want to be the "I have a boyfriend" chick, but I also don't want others to think I might be available when I'm not. I'm also naturally quite friendly/sweet and jokey-flirty, which some people might take the wrong way (but I'm never actively or aggressively flirty if that makes sense). I decided that if someone tries to kiss me is probably a good point to bring that up… But what about conversation-wise? Is it unfair not bringing up your SO in conversation with your acquaintances?

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 04:04:45 AM3602

>>3601
this is me as fuck, any advice is also appreciated

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 04:59:11 AM3603

>>3601
>>3602
I'm socially awkward at best, so don't consider this stellar advice, but I usually just drop "Yeah, my boyfriend thought that [joke on tv, headline, viral video, etc] was funny too! He laughed so hard!" if I get the idea the person is getting a little too interested, but my boyfriend is also friend challenged like me so if I notice someone really seems like a funny nice person I'll mention that we're both currently friend-shopping. (That itself has mixed results btw)

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 06:45:56 AM3604

>>3601
I don't bring it up unless someone asks me out. Try not to be presumptuous and just assume unless explicitly told otherwise that nobody is attracted to you

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 08:43:56 AM3605

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>>3527
>>3535
Hi all, I'm >>3326 and I un-pussied out and asked him on a date about a week ago and it turned out he liked me as well! Now we're seeing each other and I'm glad I asked him out since he's such a sweet and caring guy. I haven't felt so comfortable with a guy before like this as most guys I've dated in the past year were terrible people. I really lucked out here.

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 09:42:08 AM3606

>>3603
Yeah I used to do that sometimes, but it's still kinda dropping obvious hints (so it is kind of of a variation on "I have a boyfriend"). And it often changes the dynamic of the conversation, too. But it is probably the safest bet.

>>3604
Not that I don't appreciate your advice, but why? Often you just can tell that someone is interested in you, non-verbal communication is a thing. And I don't want to lead people on, but I also don't want to be annoying.

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 01:18:54 PM3607

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>>3605
Anon, I am proud of you! Hopefully everything goes well with him unlike the awful people you have been dating

Anonymous 12/03/17 (Sun) 02:57:17 PM3613

>>3605
Awesome! Good luck, anon!

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 12:51:08 AM3630

>>3604
I feel like this is the advice a lot of people are given, but it's not helpful. A lot of guys will purposely keep on pursuing a girl without saying shit, then when they do bring up how they want to be with the girl or whatever and she's like no because I have a boyfriend, they get upset because she "led him on". I don't think it's presumptuous all the time to assume that shit it looks like this person likes me.

For example, I've been told before that a guy "really, really likes me" but one can't say for SURE that it means they like me as a person or in the romantic way; yet, given our interactions, I'd assume the latter.

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 03:48:36 AM3632

>>3606
>often you can just tell
I'm not a fan of non-verbal "signals", so on principle I take the things that people say at face value. If there is any misinterpretation, it's then completely their fault

>>3630
I don't see a problem with the situation that you mentioned at all. Is the issue that the guy got upset? I don't see how that's a problem that you have to deal with. You shouldn't care so much about making people upset

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 04:47:32 AM3633

>>3605
Fantastic for you! I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't be able to follow my own advice given the chance, even though I'm such a hopeless romantic ehe. Wish ya the best anon!

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 05:14:09 AM3634

Why is it I only find a guy I like online and he lives half way across the world. Like the fuck he is so attentive and listens super well. He remembers every little thing I say about myself and is interested in the mundane things I talk about.
We both told each other we have an interest towards each other, but that's it. We flirt a lot and its hard to see where this will go. Basically the ball is in his court at the moment. But no need to rush things either.

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 07:29:51 AM3635

>>3632
>>I'm not a fan of non-verbal "signals", so on principle I take the things that people say at face value. If there is any misinterpretation, it's then completely their fault
People say plenty of things that mean something else and aren't at face value. Sometimes, it is painfully obvious to the average human and I would say it isn't their fault if you misinterpret it. It is your fault for being so clueless and being unable to understand social cues. Most humans say more than at face value, so that's an incredibly ineffective way of trying to understand people, unless you are prone to constantly misreading people.

>>I don't see a problem with the situation that you mentioned at all. Is the issue that the guy got upset? I don't see how that's a problem that you have to deal with. You shouldn't care so much about making people upset
I don't care about making people upset, I care about having to deal with upset people. People can do crazy things when they're upset, and even if they don't do anything super crazy and just are rude and yell, it still sucks to know you lost a potential friend if you enjoyed the company of the person.

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 09:11:20 AM3636

I'm not sure where to ask this but I really need help. I've been married for over three years and everything is good. But I've noticed my husband being depressed. It's recently gotten much worse and I'm starting to get really concerned. But he's extremely stubborn about a lot of things and he doesn't want help or to do anything to help it. Not only is he depressed but he's angry and irritable all the time.

I know that truly the only person that can help him is himself. But I'm becoming more and more worried he's going to lash out or do something to himself.

What the heck can I do to convince him fam. Should I nag him? Should I do something drastic and threaten to leave him until he can swallow his ego and get help?

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 03:07:10 PM3638

>>3636
Drastic doesn't seem the way to go, it's dangerous and may push him in the wrong direction. It's probably better to try your best to warm up to him and tell him about your worry and that you want him to improve, make it clear that you're concerned for them and willing to help, I bet that'll at least make them feel a bit happier as a start.

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 03:30:54 PM3639

>>3607
>>3613
>>3633
You guys are super super sweet. Thank you~ It seems to be going super so far, yay!

Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon) 03:36:11 PM3640

>>3639
Well it makes me happy that my words have made someone more positive, keep on keeping on anon! I hope someday I end up with someone I can be so comfortable with too!

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:01:27 PM3678

>>244
It's been six months now. Thank you for all your answers again.

I'm not sure why it happened now but it seems like he did notice how unhappy it made me and how much it was effecting in our relationship. He did improve a lot. I'm much happier now.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:19:38 PM3679

>>3636
For the love of god please don't nag. It's almost guaranteed to push him away.

Generally speaking I agree with the advice in >>3638 and it might also help if you open up about times you've felt depressed in the past. If he feels like you're trying to connect he's probably more likely to open up.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:23:20 PM3680

Not sure if this is the right thread but recently i've been having a lot of trouble. My fiance told me he'd went through a disturbing and traumatic experience as a child and it's been haunting me. It's something that's left permanent mental and physical scarring(that i didn't notice until now) and it's just really really disturbing to me. How it happened, why it happened, everything.

I've almost considered breaking up with him because it makes me ill to think about and disgusted nothing can be done. It keeps me up sometimes and pops into my head during the day. I can't even imagine experiencing something like that and having to keep going. I just don't know what to do, I feel like it's ruining my relationship. I've tried counseling and it didn't really make the bad thoughts go away. I've confronted him directly and he said it used to bother him a long time ago but now he is fine because it is what it is. I just really hate it and I hate these feelings and it makes me unhappy and angry. I don't want to keep bringing it up because I feel like it probably hurts him to think about again. I just don't know what to do…

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:32:32 PM3681

>>3680
Has it changed the way that you see him? If so, how?

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:35:03 PM3682

>>3681
Kind of? I see him as stronger, but I also see him as a victim which is heartbreaking. I know he's not helpless or something and he managed to move on but still.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 06:36:08 PM3683

>>3682
sage, but my therapist told me i have extremely strong empathy, which is like a double edged sword.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 07:37:28 PM3689

>>3682
I can't help but feel that if you break up with him, you're likely to take whatever the underlying problem is (sounds like a mix of disgust, guilt and helplessness) into your next relationship.

He was a victim, but it seems like he isn't anymore.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 08:15:51 PM3692

>>3689
You're right. I try to keep a positive outlook, he's not going to get hurt again, he's safe now and even though it's permanent it's over. I just need to try to move on and try to escape these thoughts.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 08:49:30 PM3693

>>3692
Have you shared the hardest thoughts with your therapist? I'm not sure you can escape things like that, I think it's more a case of seizing them, taking ownership of them and not letting them own you and then compartmentalising them.

But I'm not therapist so don't take my word for it.

Anonymous 12/05/17 (Tue) 09:39:16 PM3695

>>3693
I have, one of the tactics she gave me was to try to think about something else, and think as positively as possible whenever they came up.

Anonymous 12/22/17 (Fri) 10:15:16 PM4030

f8334d07-b317-4e6a…

Please feel free to comment on my situation, I'd appreciate it.

I'm so conflicted. My fiance has lost his job a few months ago and his life has gone downhill since then. He's very depressed and sad. I've been trying to be there for him whenever he needs and I know he does appreciate it, as well as his family… But he's getting so rude… He also doesn't want to do anything fun anymore, not even playing games together. He just stays in his bedroom all day watching TV and browsing his Facebook feed laughing at videos, even sex is rare. I don't know how to talk about it, but I feel like he's unintentionally pushing me away from him, maybe…? It really hurts. Everything I do is "bad", nothing I do is good enough. I love him to bits but I feel so unappreciated and uncared for even though I believe he loves me.

But at the same time how can I ask for more when he's struggling with depression? Wouldn't it be unfair?
A couple months ago he said he'd kill himself if he didn't have me in his life and that really hurt and worried me.
I'm getting to a point where I hope he changes or breaks up with me. If he broke up with me I'd feel horrible, I have been with him for over 6 years so it would affect me badly. Like I don't even know how I'd deal with that, I'd lose my mind..

However I can't see myself ever breaking up with him, even if I'm unhappy, unless for cheating. I love him very much but I've been so sad and I've felt so unloved. It's almost like I'm alone in this relationship and when he shows up it's to reaffirm that nothing I do is good enough after 30 min or so of talking, for the most ridiculous reasons. I was so happy with him, I feel so empty and sad. He says he loves me a lot and he's sweet every now and then but most of the time he just acts like I've explained. If my relationship wasn't so long and didn't mean so much to me, him, and both of our families, I'd probably break up, but under these circumstances I feel like I can't, I'll regret it right away.

This is a mess…

Anonymous 12/23/17 (Sat) 02:30:23 AM4039

>>4030
First of all

>he said he'd kill himself if he didn't have me in his life
>and when he shows up it's to reaffirm that nothing I do is good enough

Your boyfriend is (at least) lowkey abusive. Even if you want to consider it a symptom of his depression, it's not excusable. The relationship can't be healthy unless this is addressed. From your post it doesn't really sound like something he'd be willing to work on, but who knows.

Unless he agrees to commit himself to getting professional help the relationship is not going to turn around.

I was recently in a somewhat similar (although much less extreme) situation and we broke up recently. I cried for a week straight and felt like I'd made the worst mistake of my life but I talked through it with a bunch of friends a lot and I'm already feeling a lot better about the decision.

If you don't have friends to talk this through with it's even more proof that your boyfriend is abusive.

If you're worried about his depression, breakups tend to put people in an introspective and self improvement focused mood, which can be the catalyst some people need to actually better their situations.

Anonymous 12/23/17 (Sat) 06:53:49 PM4048

>>4039
Thank you, anon. Yes I do think that was very abusive of him but I see it was a symptom of depression, he has changed dramatically. He's seeing a psychologist but so far no improvements. Thank you for your kind reply.

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 05:50:20 AM4053

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Has anyone here ever dealt with being in love with someone yet not being physically attracted to them? I'm dealing with this right now and struggling to feel physically attracted to my partner despite being in love. Does this even make sense? I enjoy sex but it's due to love and my own drive. How did it work for you?

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 07:15:55 AM4056

>>4053
I tried to be honest about it with him. This hurt his pride and created a divide between us that ultimately led to our breaking up.

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 07:55:38 AM4057

>>4053
I think when we're young hearing this hurts more because we're supposed to be in our "primes" and being told we're not as attractive hurts our egos a bit.
This makes way more sense and is much more comforting when you get older. Because, yes, eventually everyone will not look as good as they used to and they won't be able to help it.

My bf is being kind to my face and tells me I look good when I get dressed up, but ever since some weight gain I can tell he's not as attracted to me as he used to be. He insists he still loves me all the same and it wouldn't matter what I look like, but it hurts a little to know that things subtly changed for superficial reasons. Once I get in a better headspace I can work on it, but it gets me down.

IMO anon there's no nice way to say something like that. If his person is enough for you to stay despite his looks, then don't say anything. But if looks ever come between you, be honest because it will turn into resentment sooner than later.

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 09:27:19 AM4059

>>4057

>My bf is being kind to my face and tells me I look good when I get dressed up, but ever since some weight gain I can tell he's not as attracted to me as he used to be.

Out of curiosity what are you both going to do in 5, 10, 15 years when you both gain even more weight as the vast majority of people do as they age and you don't have the time or energy to "work on it"? The fact that he's already acting different and won't even admit it over what is probably a small amount of weight gain when you're both young is a huge red flag.

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 12:43:10 PM4060

>>4057
>>4056
>>If his person is enough for you to stay despite his looks, then don't say anything.
His person is more than enough, I will do that.
Thank you, anons!

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 05:04:51 PM4065

>>4059
>small amount of weight gain
I wish, but it's not and it came after a really bad bout of depression/apathy due to not adjusting well to my sedentary job that drives me insane. Even I hate how I look right now so I don't blame others.

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 05:55:39 PM4068

>>4053
Idk how this exactly works, but I'm not in love or physically attracted and I've been doing fine (lesbian in a relationship with a man). It does cause him some sorrow, but he knows I love him for who he is and he is alright with it since he loves me a lot and because I have put work into fulfilling his desires for a het relationship. I'm happy, though, because I have someone that I know cares about me, even though it's not an ideal "relationship" in that I'd romantically love my partner.

inb4 that's fucked up, please shush, I'm aware of how it sounds, he's my only friend and I am not good at sustaining other friendships for various reasons

Anonymous 12/24/17 (Sun) 11:47:26 PM4070

>>4030
If he has the money or if his parents do, you need to tell him to seek help. Like straightaway, either get some therapy or get some anti-depressants, because he is spiraling, and it is not going to get better if he's not trying to actively improve the situation. i know how lethargic depression makes someone which is why you are probably going to have to encourage him to do it. i wouldn't set an ultimatum like 'do this or i'm leaving you' just yet, but if you gently encourage him to seek help for a few weeks and he doesn't, you need to tell him how this is affecting your mental state and how concerned you are for sake of y'alls relationship. if this doesn't give him incentive to change…you need to leave. if it's been a few months and he's not even job-seeking at this point, it's only going to get worse and he is going to drag you down with him if you stay.

Anonymous 12/25/17 (Mon) 07:10:59 AM4071

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That feel when your long distance, open relationship bf spends hundreds on happy ending massages when he knows you're struggling for money. And when you offer to give him a happy ending massage for free, he says "It's not the same." He then proceeds to buy his sister $200 worth of Christmas presents and gifts you a shitty $10 Steam game.

I want to die. Is this all I'm worth? I know I'm ugly but, damn.

Anonymous 12/25/17 (Mon) 01:28:27 PM4074

>>4071
Fuck that guy anon, honestly. Happy Christmas, sending you a bunch of hugs.

Anonymous 12/25/17 (Mon) 01:31:17 PM4075

>>4068
I don't blame you, anon. I can understand exactly what and why you're doing it. But what if you meet a girl and fall in love? Will he support you to pursue her?

Anonymous 12/26/17 (Tue) 02:43:50 AM4082

>>4071

Red flags all over. Dump him.

Anonymous 12/26/17 (Tue) 04:35:38 AM4084

i’m in love with both of my best friends and i’m dating one and they used to date burn they’ll never date again and idk what to do in this situation like i’m just always gonna have a sad part of my heart this way you know? I like to dream of a world where it all works out

Anonymous 12/26/17 (Tue) 02:57:48 PM4089

>>4084
Do not mean any disrespect, but how old are you, anon?

Anonymous 12/27/17 (Wed) 07:47:20 PM4106

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Has anyone here ever had a "househusband"? I love my boyfriend, but he can't work due to emotional and mental problems. I wonder how it feels like to be with a partner that can't hold a regular job. Do you feel sad sometimes? Or tired of being the breadwinner? I'm absolutely sure I can deal with being the provider once I get my shit together. I'm just wondering if anyone here has ever been in this situation before. Any replies would be appreciated and thanks in advance.

Anonymous 12/27/17 (Wed) 08:58:21 PM4108

>>4106
My bf is awtistic, high function, but he relies on me for A LOT. I had to teach him to cook an egg for instance, and it's hard sometimes, but it feels rewarding, like hell yea, I can take care of ME and him. I used to feel a little bitter, but then sometimes I see him struggle and realize that he doesn't just get to do everything he wants. I know it's not the same as you, but think of it that way, your bfs emotional/mental problems aren't allowing him to slack off and be a fuck, they're preventing him from doing a lot of things.

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 01:36:53 AM4116

Something that people keep pointing out that I've been thinking about and talking about with my bf:

When you're in a relationship, does how you relate to your friends change? For example, the stereotype of the person that you hang out with when they are single, then when they are taken they disappear with their SO.

A mutual friend of my bf's pointed out that hanging out with us is different because we're "normal" and not "coupley." Similarly, today my bf pointed out that he noticed he is explicitly being a third wheel to one of his close friends and said friend's gf.

How much does your relationship define your personal identity? Do you think you change a lot based on a relationship status? (Either related or unrelated to how you wanted to change yourself for the relationship for because of it)

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 01:08:39 PM4123

>>4116
That has never happened to me and I've had several relationships (lol long term, ok? I'm a bit old), but one of my close friends is a chameleon in terms of boyfriends. She forgets all her friends when she's in a relationship, and basically disappears completely, switching her interests to match every boyfriend's. I don't even know if she does coupley things with her boyfriend, since she disappears 99% of the time but I suppose that's the type of person he was referring to.

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 02:45:22 PM4125

>>4108
Thank you for your reply, the fact you helped him with that was pretty sweet. I hope I can feel the same way once I move in with him for good. Wishing you a long happy relationship.

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 06:05:01 PM4134

My bf met this 'friend' of his today and they watched a romantic movie together before she leaves for a vacation. I don't know what I should think about this.

When they are together it's visible that she wants more from him then friendship. I can tell by the way she talks and looks at him. She also touches him a lot (tapping his shoulder, touching his hands, sitting close next to him all the time. Casual things like that.)

There were other minor things that were suspicious. How do I get more information about the situation? His phone can only be unlocked with his fingerprint so I can't check it.

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 08:23:26 PM4136

>>4134
I take it your relationship is not open enough to where you feel comfortable talking to him about it?

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 11:11:41 PM4140

My SO has this thing where they copy all of my interests in music/movies/videogames because they think it will make us closer or whatever. when i first met my SO, they had recently gotten out of their last relationship. My SO was a completely different person, looking back, my SO was just copying everything their ex liked. Now she's doing it too me.

Again, i don't think they do it to hurt me or to annoy me, i think that's just something they do. When i first met my SO one of my friends warned me "anon… i was friends with that person but they started copying me it was obnoxious". It wasn't her ex who told me this, it was just a mutual friend. I brushed it off because i thought it was an exaggeration. But that friend was right.

My SO isn't a teenager either. We are both grown and i have no idea why do they STILL do it. if i like something, its always a competition where my SO instantly starts liking it too and acting like they like it more. My SO also loves drawing fanart, so say i start listening to X band or watch Y movie. I tell my SO and they instantly suddenly love x band and make fanart and get followed by a shit ton of fans of the band and i just see my SO getting praised when they have only being liking X band for a week.

they even go as far as to do things like, i'll post something on social media and SO will a few days post pretty much the same thing but paraphrased. sometimes not even that.

i know everyone has met/has been friends with someone like this lol. but its really bizarre to be in a serious relationship who still does this on the regular. its like my SO never grew out of their high school phase where you looked for your identity in other people. i feel like an idiot because i can call it out because i'll be so mean lmao

>how dare you try to get closer to me by liking things i like?!

but like again its annoying cause they do it about everything. i legit can't name a single thing that my SO likes that isn't something they picked out because of me. we meet three years ago. all the other interest she had when we first met were taken from their ex or their bff, and i know that now because she dropped all of those interests once she stopped talking to them. SO is basically a taller version of me now tbh. three years in, its kinda obnoxious now.

Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu) 11:16:22 PM4141

GettyImages-139364…

>>4140

*because i can't call it out

also when we first met we looked like polar opposites. now, because she also draws style inspiration from me, we have been mistaken for sisters. dont like !!! its like that stereotype of gay people looking a little too much like their partner sigh. someone said that to me as a joke bbut i know it probably wasnt tbh

Anonymous 12/29/17 (Fri) 02:16:34 AM4144

>>4140
Lord, I wish more people would get into my interests in the way I am. My SO is, but it doesn't bother me because they aren't into my interests in the way I am. It seems so central to your SO as a human being to copy people, it makes me wonder why you were attracted to them in the first place (like what traits did they have that appealed to you). Isn't there a way where you could talk to them about it in a way that isn't vicious or mean? Perhaps you are overestimating your influence to their tastes. For example, my SO liked this one band that although I hadn't pursued it before I met my SO, I already liked that kind of music, so it felt very organic for me to like that band because I probably would have started listening to it anyway.

Anonymous 12/29/17 (Fri) 03:12:16 AM4146

>>4140
maybe try and get them to take the lead and introduce you to things? like have them teach you how to do something? idk what tho.

Anonymous 12/29/17 (Fri) 01:34:24 PM4162

>>4140
Chameleon SOs are the worst. They can change themselves to suit anything, and I find that scary and shady as hell.

Anonymous 12/29/17 (Fri) 01:40:09 PM4164

>>4140
Your SO seems very immature but hey, even Angelina Jolie was like that

Anonymous 12/29/17 (Fri) 07:09:15 PM4168

>>4136
When I asked him about her a month ago he told me she was just a friend.
I also don't want to ask him about cheating directly as it could come across as an accusation.

Anonymous 12/30/17 (Sat) 09:23:50 PM4187

SetoMarry.600.1157…

This is going to be a long post, but I'm happy beyond words and I want to share my little love story

>be me
>have internet friend (let's call him senpai) since 12-13 y/o (20 atm), talk from time to time, but never lose contact
>we each live in one end of the country
>slowly develop crush for senpai over the years
>i don't believe in long-distance relationships so i thought of him as a platonic unattainable crush
>tell him one day, approximately 3 years ago
>"hey, you know, if we lived closer i think i'd fall for you and i'd love to date you"
>"same"
>unexpected
>crush develops even further
>but we both say we could never date bc distance and so
>i went through a few relationships in this time, but always got him in the back of my mind
>even tried to get him and my SO into a poly relationship, but failed
>we finally met in person this year (october)
>oh my god
>i was literally on the verge of tears
>the butterflies
>the… feels
>realize i might like him more than i initially thought
>but me is in a relationship!
>but relationship starts falling apart
>second meeting with senpai at the beginning of december
>realize i REALLY like him and i'm done with current boyfriend
>break up with current boyfriend
>starting a long distance relationship with senpai
>yay!

I'm going to visit him this January and I couldn't be happier. I'm head over heels. I've been dreaming of this for SO LONG and it's finally becoming real.

Sorry for the blogpost!

Anonymous 12/30/17 (Sat) 10:31:55 PM4188

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>>4187
You two are precious. Best of luck <3

Anonymous 12/30/17 (Sat) 10:37:21 PM4189

>>4188
Th-thank you, Anon!!

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 03:44:00 AM4190

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i'd like some help, particularly from people who have stuggled with ED about something i saw today because i don't know if i should worry or not or what i should do

i lost tons of weight this year, think it bothered my SO. she follows most of my habits so she's been trying to lose weight too. but she keeps complaining that she's not satisfied with her results. i think she has unrealistic goals, and think it might be because i told her my weight (keep in mind i'm a hispanic midget, short = weight little) a few months back & she looked super uncomfortable when she heard it. i think maybe she feels like she should weight something similar, bc she treats most things like a competition or like she needs to be the same as me. but i weight around 100 pounds bc i'm 5'0, she's something like 5'5 or 5'7. i'm scared that hearing how much i weight messed with her head and with how much she should weight bc always feels the need to follow everything i do.

she's been complaining about her weight. its gotten worst bc of the holidays, she regained a couple of pounds. i told her it was fine, that she looked great and that she should enjoy the holidays! that we ALL indulge this time of the year!

IRL SO said she was fine hearing that. but today in social media she posted that she felt really bad about her weight still. then she posted that she induced herself vomit to feel better (she said it was the first time too). i'm scared because i don't want her to get sick and i don't know. should i confront her about it NOW? what do i even say i'm scared i felt so bad i had no idea she was this hard on herself. she wasn't like this before is2g, i'm regretting losing weight/telling her how happy it made me feel/telling her my weight. idk if i should do an intervention or what, she's not underweight. but i don't want her to do it again that's so scary, its going to make her sick

sidenote - also, a few months ago i made some emo whiny post about feeling bad about myself and throwing up breakfast. wasnt about losing weight, it was about an anxiety attack. never induced vomit on myself but i don't think it came off that way… idk i feel super paranoid that's its all my fault,im tinfoil as shit that she thinks i lost all the weight throwing up and that she's pressuring herself to do it and its all my fault for posting stupid shit and telling her my weight. reaching? right?? am i ? is my gf developing an ED or is she having a bad day and i'm insanely paranoid?

tldr; lost weight. SO then wanted to lose weight too. SO is taller than me and simply can't weight what i weight. we look similar in fat distribution and we are both healthy the way we are. i don't think she gets that. SO posted today saying she induced herself vomit bc she hated that she gained weight. i don't want her to make a habit out of vomiting her food. i don't know how serious this is but i'm scared and i don't know what i shouldsay

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 04:01:16 AM4191

>>4190
I'm bulimic and I think you should say something now that she just started purging. Avoid sounding judgmental, but say that you're there for her and that you love her. Honestly I don't know what exact words you should say but I do think you should talk to her instead of watching it for afar. If she opens up and say there's a real problem going on, tell her you will be by her side. Show support and try to get her professional help if things get worse.

My boyfriend is pretty skinny compared to me and I totally understand how she feels, it's not rational at all… I'm insane in the head and when I was doing worse I even selfishly asked him to gain a bit of weight so I wouldn't keep focusing on how skinny he is and that I'm a hambeast. He's kind to me and listens to my rants when I tell him I feel like binge eating, or purging. He's so supportive, non judgemental and he's not an enabler. That's how you should probably be too in case she opens up.
I am sorry I can't be more helpful, but I wish you two well.

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 06:33:25 AM4195

>>4191

Thank you sm for your response. Next time we see each other again i'll try to talk about it. As calm as i can! See, she's also been getting into big fights with her mother about the weight loss. Her mother said hurtful things, called her an anorexic and shamed her. It hurt her a lot (this was on november). me, idiot thinking i was being supportive, told SO that her mother was crazy and that she shouldn't decide what she does to her body. SO said "yeah, i'm not going to stop losing weight." … you see how i fucked up there too. she wasn't underweight i thought she was okay

Now when i see her i'm basically going to tell her the opposite :( i fear that she's going to think we're all against her or something.

were your parents the first people to notice your ED too? did they help you? did you took them seriously or got angry at them like my SO?

She also never wants to talk about how she's doing, always tells me its not important. Maybe these weight issues have to do with it? Like is this all part of the pattern? i honest to god thought her mother was being a cunt & there was nothing to worry about (they have a messy relationship). i thought that if she heard about my weight loss she'd be inspired to get healthy like me, not depressed. i don't want her to hurt herself.

>>4190

btw i posted that two hours ago and now she's all these posts calling herself fat (a word she told me she HATES) and reading that purging is the first step just makes me get impatient to see her but its fucking NYE ahhh

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 08:32:25 AM4198

Just confirmed that the guy I like has a gf. And she's cute. Darn! Time to officially be over him and attempt to go into the new year happy….woohoo

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 09:09:09 AM4199

>>4195
I think you should try and tell her you -both- could try and eat more healthy to feel better.
Try not to say stuff like "fat" or "thin" or anything related to any of the extremes or to weight numbers.

You should tell her that purging can be damaging and might mess up her body, and that if she wants to feel more comfy with her weight that's fine, but eating regular meals at regular times should be the best way to do it.

I might not be qualified to give advice about that and you know her best so it's just what i think would be the best way to approach that.

Anonymous 12/31/17 (Sun) 03:49:38 PM4203

>>4198 grats for being the toppest gal and not pursuing anyway. Plenty of fish in the sea anon <3

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 04:01:25 AM4211

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>>4082
After some failed relationships, I can't help but feel like 99% of men are like this :\ I also don't know how to dump someone and don't want to hurt anybody.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 04:22:42 AM4212

>>4211
99% might be a bit of an exaggeration, and even if 99% are, you should respect yourself enough and be patient until you find one of the 1%.

It's hard to believe that you're seriously willingly staying in that kind of relationship.

Other failed relationships don't mean you should let yourself get hurt so much and let someone who is supposed to be there for you go that far.

Open relationship… him getting massages… and you're worried about hurting -him- ?
please… think about yourself for a moment.

I'm sorry if i'm harsh but none of that sounds right at all.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 11:10:46 AM4216

I feel like the man I am totally and completely in live with's feelings for me are starting to die. Happy 2018, everyone!

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 01:51:02 PM4217

Im an 18 yo virgin guy who wants to find a gf on such imageboards
T. Not ugly i swear(YOU CANT SIT WITH US)

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 06:29:58 PM4225

>>4217
Do you have contact info like a throwaway email or something non-discord?

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 06:39:45 PM4226

>>4225
Anon, for your own sake: don't.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 06:53:33 PM4227

>>4217
>>4225
I've been stalking you halfway across the internet for the past five days and was just wondering how to get your contact info.

If you don't have a throwaway email yet, I use this for most purposes:
https://protonmail.com/

Hoping to hear a response from you.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 07:42:41 PM4228

>>4225
>>4227

Can we not fucking do this?

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 08:58:05 PM4230

>>4228
>tfw gonna dox him after getting more info from the desperate loser

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 09:00:40 PM4231

How do you move on from a breakup?

It was my first relationship. We knew each other for more than 10 years and were together for 6.5 (yup, I posted in the vent thread earlier). I never cared in my life so much for a person and that happy feeling never went away during all these years. We started dating in our teens and I know people change and grow apart, but in our case it was that I was too introverted - I'm just not that happy bubbly person both of us wanted me to be. Idk if it's my personality or my depression/anxiety. His parents also gave him a lot of shit because I was often quiet and they always talked about me behind my back, despite calling me "family". (we ended things on friendly terms)

I have no idea how to act towards him now. Obviously I still love him and care a lot but I don't want to say anything wrong. How do I distract myself from all this? I basically lost the only family I had and I most likely won't see him/them again.

I'm absolutely lost and it was all out of the blue. I wish I had friends to talk to about this but here I am…

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 09:19:57 PM4232

>>4231
I'm the same way "too introverted". I mean, sorry for being different and not as entertaining? Also dumped for similar reasons. Personally I just ignored him, my relationship wasn't as long as yours but not seeing them around helps I think.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 09:28:28 PM4233

>>4231
Well, it depends on lots of things. Are you two going to stay friends who see each other regularly? You need space to truly move on.

Anonymous 01/01/18 (Mon) 09:36:03 PM4234

>>4231
It's going to be hard especially after such a long time.

If you're done for good and no chance of getting back together, just..
Let yourself feel it and go through it. Cry when you have to. Eat some icecream (you don't have to but that helps).

Distract yourself with anything you can come up with or anything you like to do.
TV, Games, friends. Anything you can.

Even if you decided to stay friends and ended it in friendly terms, just stay away from him as much as possible for the near future. (this is the most important part in my opinion even if it's the hardest).
If you ever HAVE to talk to him, do it as little and as short as possible.

It's really not going to seem like it now but you will and should (not anytime soon, but later on) find someone who is more accepting of you and/or more like you.

I'm sorry if any of what i said sounds a bit weird.

You just have to let yourself feel the pain, recover, and slowly move on.
It's really tough, especially after that long. I'm sorry.

Anonymous 01/02/18 (Tue) 12:24:01 PM4263

>>4232
>>4234
Thank you

Anonymous 01/02/18 (Tue) 09:28:12 PM4291

I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with my partner and he just broke up with me. Jokes on me for being a stupid idiot who rushes into things and gave him my heart on a plate

Anonymous 01/02/18 (Tue) 10:58:02 PM4293

>>4291
Are you me from the future?

I've been with this guy for almost 2 months. I'm madly in love with him and he says that he's in love with me also/wants to marry me one day, but I'm so insecure in our relationship tbh. He's like my 10/10. It's just hard for me to believe that someone like him can be attracted to me on such a level. To top it off, I haven't been acting my usual self lately, rather like a scared teenaged girl because I know he could up and leave me for someone else easily. I have no reason to distrust him, but I care about him so much that I'm truly afraid.

Anonymous 01/03/18 (Wed) 09:23:37 AM4301

>>4293
Don't be the one to put more effort in the relationship. They just get entitled.

Anonymous 01/03/18 (Wed) 10:47:37 PM4314

I feel like I should create a new POSITIVITY thread (unless it exists, didn't check), but at the same time this is relationship containment one, so yeah.
I really need relationship positivity! After years of loneliness and a heartbreaking friendship with a fuckboi who wanted me to basically be his gf but without the status and exclusivity, I have found a wonderful bf who loves me very much. We live together and I'm so happy. I have serious abandonment issued and an anxious mind that makes me fear things happening.
I work on keeping reality in check, however I would very much like to read stories and watch movies about True Love (TM) and happy couples. Internet is full of sad stories that make me horrified of what can be.

Please recommend me media (manga, movies, books, songs, whatever) about soulmates and couples who made it, especially based on true life.

Also feel free to mention blogs/vlogs/whatever on what to make your relationship work, how to keep the spark going etc. Or your own happy relationship stories.

Sorry if I sound demanding, I am so used to my life being shit and I need to cover myself in the happiness bubble. I want to force my mind to realize that good things can stay.

Anonymous 01/03/18 (Wed) 11:48:02 PM4315

>>4301
Can you provide an example?

Anonymous 01/03/18 (Wed) 11:55:33 PM4316

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>>4314
I really like the idea but I'm out of examples too! I want fluffy stories about online ldr that come true (am I asking for the impossible? I know those are so rare)

For animu romance I suggest Paradise Kiss, it's my favorite ever. The live action is shit, focus on the anime and manga. It's sad but so gorgeous.
if any anons want to discuss Arashi and Miwako's rapey relationship I'd be so in. That never felt right to me even after her and his explanations, etc. And I'm pretty tough in this particular matter.

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 01:29:23 AM4319

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>>4316
I read and watched it and remains one of my favorites of all time even though I barely watch anime at all. The atmosphere nailed it. Arashi anad Miwako had their gross moments, but so did George and Yukari and basically George with everyone. nvr4get when she was working on something and George was like sex pls and then later on he put her down for prioritizing sex over her work.

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 09:52:11 AM4330

>>3634
Interesting to read this a month later since we have in that time period entered a long distance relationship and are even making plans to meet this year.

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 11:55:39 AM4332

>>4314
My favourite romances are Nodame Cantabile, and Oishii Kankei. Ao Haru Ride I thought was a bit annoying but the art is so sweet.

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 12:08:25 PM4333

>>4319
Omg I completely forgot that about George. I think those are the things that make parakiss so wonderful, it really feels like life in many aspects. And interesting enough, I'm not really into anime either, anon. Parakiss is one of the few I've watched and loved.

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 07:02:33 PM4355

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Now that the novelty and lovey-dovey-ness of my new relationship have worn off, I feel like I've picked my guard back up. I had a grieving moment where I came to terms with the fact that he could hurt me badly if he wanted to, so for me, there's this jaded tinge to our every interaction. He's done nothing to me to make me think he'd leave me, but it never hurts to be prepared, right?

Anonymous 01/04/18 (Thu) 09:51:10 PM4358

>>4355
Literally me, anon.

I wish there was a way to deal with this feeling. You sound a lot like me and you look for reasons to justify your position. Often times this fear will come to reality precisely because our emotional issues become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anonymous 01/05/18 (Fri) 12:24:06 AM4359

>>4355
completely me. feel like i can't trust him either, what good is that lol

Anonymous 01/05/18 (Fri) 01:40:53 AM4360

>>4316
Thanks for reminding me about Parakiss anon! I was obsessed with it in high school but I appreciate it a lot more now that I'm older.

Anonymous 01/05/18 (Fri) 11:30:46 AM4366

>>4359
I think we may have abandonment issues.

Anonymous 01/05/18 (Fri) 01:17:23 PM4367

>>4360
You're welcome, anon! I just decided to read it again after a long time as well. It's a masterpiece tbh.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:00:02 PM4806

My boyfriend is an "alpha" asshole who thinks he's never wrong (especially when he IS wrong,) contradicting, controlling, and hypocritical. I'm planning to waste a year or more to scar him for life so he'll never want to be in another relationship. He "loves" me so much that he's talked about marrying me multiple times. I'm on his phone bill and bank account. We'll be moving in together this year. My plan is this: make sure our relationship is perfect and I'm as compliant as can be, wait till he proposes, say no, leave him. I'm receptive to more ideas. I just want to make sure he'll never have the opportunity to hurt another woman again.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:13:09 PM4807

>>4806
I'm all for scarring him if you think he's that bad, but are you sure you want to spend an entire year with him? That will just slow down your own life and make you lose time.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:14:27 PM4809

>>4806
Yikes.. you'll be wasting a year of you time too though.
I don't know if it will make him avoid hurting anyone else, it might make him do the opposite.

Not sure i have any better ideas since you probably did try arguing or letting him know what he's doing wrong?
Not sure how to deal with 'alpha' type of guys because i avoid them at all costs.

I guess you have to be persistent and stubborn and let him know when he's being hypocritical and controlling.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:22:55 PM4810

>>4807
I'm willing to waste the time for a good cause. Not like I'm doing anything else anyway.

>>4809
Pointing that out really triggers him, anon.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:27:24 PM4812

>>4806
lol please do me a favor and leave the guy already if he doesn't ever change if you DO confront him. I was in an abusive relationship with someone just as you described and the longer I stayed, the worse it was. one day I just left him because I couldn't take it anymore and now he is batshit crazier. he stalks me occasionally and is still harassing me (i've had to get the police involved). no matter when you break up with him, his ego will get deflated either way.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:30:22 PM4813

>>4812
holy shit that was me a few years ago, I second every word you said. I'm glad you're free now, anon. Some egomaniacs are insane, stalkerish and even dangerous like my ex.

D U M P H I M !

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:30:45 PM4814

>>4806
>I just want to make sure he'll never have the opportunity to hurt another woman again.

just murder him.

jk.

in all honesty, I know guys like this and if you want to traumatize him for good, fucking ruin his life. write a letter. target all of his insecurities, tell him exactly why he deserves what you're planning to do to him. give it to him when you're prepared to leave. drain his bank account. break his toys. key 'lying bitch' into his car.

also consider accepting the proposal in order to leave him at the last minute after forcing him to sink a shitton of money into the wedding preparations. personally i would spice it up with some kind of infidelity accusation, either from him or from you depending on the desired result. he doesn't actually have to cheat, all you need is to send yourself some text messages from a site like opentextingonline or w/e that anonymously allege that a sexual encounter took place between him and someone else.
or you could get a rape kit the morning after you two have intercourse.
honestly if you play this well enough, he'll become the kind of man whose mantra is 'all women are gold-digging bitches and whores' and he will die paranoid, bitter and alone.
worst case scenario, he ramps up his 'alpha' act, starts seeking ~females~ out solely for one-night-stands and just goes on being a pain in the ass to all women everywhere.

also when you move in you should devote a good amount of effort into ruining his appearance, like baking insanely calorie-heavy cookies for him all the time or suggesting/applauding poor choices in haircut or wardrobe. Maybe put some drain cleaner in his shampoo or something, idk.

just one question– if you hate this guy enough to ruin his life, a) how do you stand dating him and b) why did you start dating him in the first place? was there ever even like a whiff of attraction or was sweet revenge the plan all along?

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:34:48 PM4815

>>4814
oh, you could also just marry him and then split in a few years for the alimony, just saying. the deeper the trust that he has in you, the more painful and traumatizing it will be when you obliterate it.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:34:50 PM4816

>>4810
Even if it triggers him (or especially since it does) do it as much as you can. It will get you to open some distance between you and help you break it up, and also might eventually put some doubt about his behavior in his head.

Unless you feel he might get violent (in which case you should really start distancing yourself slowly and work on breaking up) you should keep trying to.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:39:45 PM4818

>>4814
I think you're taking it a bit far lol.
I don't think it's worth the effort.
If someone treats you so bad you feel like you have to turn to these sort of actions, it's best to just cut them instantly out of your life and use your energy on yourself instead.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:45:12 PM4819

>>4816
anon, this is a nice approach to take, but i really don't think that it will work.
especially if op has been supportive of his 'alpha male' act up until now, turning critical all of a sudden is just going to make him lash out at her.
even if it's constructive criticism, the type of guy who describes himself as 'alpha' usually has the kind of ego that will not entertain any hint of disapproval from his girlfriend, who he'll expect to essentially be his sidekick + arm candy instead of an actual person.
the guys who think of themselves as 'alpha' always believe that they're such high quality human beings that they could get another girl in a heartbeat if the one they're currently with starts acting up. this would just result in a mutual breakup.
which would probably be better for the both of them, but also doesn't exactly seem to be on OP's itinerary.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:52:00 PM4820

>>4814
this sounds like a nice desire and all, but you know, morally wrong. listen to >>4818

also let me just mention my abusive ex told me all that dumb lovey dovey shit OP said but was actually still planning on breaking up with me lul, he actually told my mother and kept it a secret. so to OP, maybe he's already planning before you.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:53:59 PM4821

>>4818
i mean, it is a lot of effort, but op sounds like she's already put in quite a bit of time to get him to the point that he's fantasizing about marrying her.
it's not necessarily about how he treats her, either, it's about the way that he perceives women in general. thus the
>I just want to make sure he'll never have the opportunity to hurt another woman again.

so essentially the end goal is to leave him so emotionally fucked-up that he won't trust his own judgement enough to let any woman into his life, and crush his self-esteem enough to the point he won't feel comfortable pursuing women, either.

although if he has, for example, ASPD–if he's a sociopath, or a narcissist like >>4817 encountered, it may just backfire and end up with him offloading all the blame for the break-up onto other people or circumstances. which is why i think writing a searing letter is a good idea, because op can make a clear-cut case that his personality and his flaws were the reason behind her leaving him.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:58:43 PM4822

>>4821
do you /really/ think her bf is fantasizing about marrying her? I feel like it's all a stupid fucking ploy if he's an ass. I was also >4817 but I deleted it since talking about it still makes me feel odd.

op's bf sounds like a narcissist but who knows

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 10:58:55 PM4823

>>4821
Sociopaths and Narcissists usually just blame others even if you point out you left them because of their flaws… that's why i say it's not worth the risk.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 11:05:43 PM4824

>>4820
if morality was a factor in the situation, op wouldn't be leading him on in the first place.
nobody really changes from external pressure. you have to have an internalized desire to be a better person in order to actually carry through with it. if he thinks the way he lives his life is fine and dandy, he'll go on living it, writing off the opinions of other people as 'stupid', until something catastrophic forces him to alter his perspective.

>>4822
it depends on op, really. if she's cute, even a narc will settle down with a 'trophy wife' because they see the advantage that a partner gives to their social standing. or they may just like the idea of having a domestic servant to take care of their household and possessions. or, if she has a good job/family, they may just want to use her for her assets or social connections. even sociopaths can get married and carry on with 'normal' lives for years without arousing suspicion.

>>4823
i feel that. if op does cut and run, she should have a concrete getaway plan and a place to go where he absolutely cannot find her.
the last guy i dated who i suspected of being on the ASPD spectrum tried to choke me out in a parking lot because i fell asleep after a long day at work when i was supposed to be showing up at his house for 'netflix and chill'. don't underestimate them. it doesn't take a lot of provocation for them to snap; one of the 'tells' of aspd is poor impulse control iirc.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 11:11:54 PM4826

>>4824
so you're basically saying OP's plan is to essentially make him change his perspective because it will be catastrophic…

and by the way I didn't mean that OP wasn't quality for marriage, I'm saying he could be trying to mess with OP if he's an egomaniac/sociopath/narcissist.. trying to get OP to trust him. but yeah, OP probably knows this could be a potential ploy or not even a ploy

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 11:28:46 PM4827

>>4825
eh, it depends. if he's a normal person, having your trust shattered and your long-term relationship ended would be considered catastrophic, or at least pretty darn traumatizing. if he's a legit nutcase, it most likely won't have a strong affect other than making him more paranoid about starting a new relationship, & giving him a reason to behave more more bitterly towards the opposite sex in general.
personally i think that being a self-described 'alpha' is a pretty good indicator that someone is a legit nutcase, but i am willing to admit that my perspective is clouded by a strong bias in this situation.

Anonymous 01/10/18 (Wed) 11:29:22 PM4828

>>4827
effect*
sorry, i had a bit to drink after work today.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 11:10:56 AM4864

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I don't know what, but I've just for some reason have this high kinda smug feeling right now that I could totally break the heart of the guy I'm seeing.
Its like I almost want to break his heart. I mean of course I adore him and am in love with him. Hes really good to me as well, sometimes I feel like too good.
I guess its the power and control aspect, that I could break someones heart like how my heart was broken in the past.
It feels self-destructive in nature, maybe I'm just lashing out.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 11:36:48 AM4865

>>4864 don't let your issues hurt people please. The damage is irreversible.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 11:56:33 AM4866

>>4865
Oh no, I wasn't planning of it. Was mostly a passing thought anyway.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 06:32:59 PM4873

Would it be weird to ask my ex to ask him to give back the necklace he gifted me for one of our anniversaries? I'm leaning towards yes, but I can't find the same in any store :/

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 07:18:48 PM4877

>>4873
It depends on your relationship with him. If you're still friends you can do that, but it's not classy.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 08:46:24 PM4885

>>4864
Trying to lose weight and I'm gonna crush and stand up people on Tinder.

Anonymous 01/11/18 (Thu) 09:48:01 PM4886

>>4877
Guess you're right.
I realized since posting this that the reason why I liked it so much is because it was a gift from him, perhaps it's time to move on completely.

Anonymous 01/13/18 (Sat) 02:28:17 AM4918

The bf and I generally agree about gender issues and recognize inequality and whatnot, but sometimes I feel like he approaches all issues in ways that only benefit him (of course that makes sense and people tend to prioritize their interests, but in the context of a relationship idk I feel like there should be more compromise?).

Examples: We pretty much split everything 50/50 financially even though he makes more money than I do. When I point this out, he's quick to be defensive about spending fairness. On the other hand, looking towards the future, there is a high chance that I will end up making more money working less hours than he does (going into different field trying to make finance $$$ while he's doing academia). I recently asked him about how we're going to balance work and household stuff, and he just said that it's not fair to only rate things economically in response to me saying that I feel it's not fair for me to do both majority of house stuff and make more money (possibly on less hours, probably working as much or more tbh).

I mean I get that he's been here for me when I had no job and no foreseeable future, but maybe I'm just expecting too much in terms of seeing him grow to be more domestically competent (I pretty much have to rearrange the dishwasher load every time…. and I don't feel like his mother but sometimes I wish he was more proactive about chores). Like how to modern women deal with wanting to have it all???? How will we try to raise a child together?? (He wants to have a family but I don't see this happening really….) Do some men have a weird short intense time when they get their shit together?

Sorry this is a bit all over the place, I wonder if anyone else has any similar or related frustrations re: being in a relationship in a feminist-aware society.

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 03:53:40 PM5155

1436858379077.jpg

>dating a guy who's dated/had sex with other guys in the past
>he isn't bisexual, but was just confused/exploring his sexuality as a teenager
>i'm friends with his ex-boyfriend
>everything's cool, his ex was a bit jealous at first but got over it
>had sex last night
>couldn't help but start thinking about the fact that my bf's dick had been inside my friend's asshole
>imagining them having anal sex while bf is penetrating me
>mfw

I know he's washed his dick at least a thousand times between now and when he last fucked my friend, and I feel like an idiot but I don't think I can sleep with him again. At least, not until I can repress these thoughts.

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 03:59:03 PM5156

>>5155
You don't need to repress how you feel. If you're not cool with someone's sexual past you don't have to sleep with them, you don't need to be accepting of it, it's not the same as mistreating someone over their sexuality, it's choosing what's best for yourself and what youre comfy with.

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 04:16:39 PM5157

>>5156
I suppose. It's a shame because he's perfect for me in every other way, and I'd hate to lose him or hurt his feelings.

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 04:28:11 PM5158

basic-692x1024.gif

I've come to terms with the fact my boyfriend will never change and I really wish he would. I've been unhappy in this relationship because he never improves, gets a job, and likes to start drama for no reason, and humiliate me pretending it's just a joke bro.

I assume he does that to make himself feel better in comparison to me despite the fact I'm not doing that well either. All in all, he just seems unhappy too, but not with our relationship. He's unhappy with what his life has become (financial, professional, etc). A few weeks ago he actually said I'm the only thing who makes him happy nowadays. But I feel so miserable with him. If I leave, I'll feel guilty and who knows I could end up regretting it since we have been together for many years. But staying has been hard too. He doesn't cheat on me, or disrespects me besides the "it's justa joke bro" thing, but it's just not a good behavior. I tried talking to him, he just won't change. I still love him, but I'm unhappy with him.

Part of me wishes he'd break up with me. Even though I'd feel heartbroken at least this would end…

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 05:48:09 PM5160

>>5155
try talking to him about it, it might help you to release the negative thoughts and not bother you.

Anonymous 01/22/18 (Mon) 06:28:53 PM5162

>>5158
If talking to him about it doesn't help, even though i think you should again and try to make sure he understands you're seriously hurt when he does that thing, you should try to give him a bit of his own medicine once.

When he does the drama and then says it's just a joke, try to insult him (or whatever else he does to you) back a bit and when he fights back or responds to it, tell him you're joking in the same way he does.
Maybe he'll get it then.

It might be a bit childish of me to suggest that, but you're already feeling bad so i don't see how it would make too much more harm, and sometimes stuff like that works a little.

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 05:44:51 PM5199

>>15
>>date guy for almost half a year
>>think I'm falling in love with him
Nani? How do you date for almost half a year based on mild interest? Maybe try not dating anyone that you don't really click with till it's forced by familiarity?
I really don't understand how this works. You either really like someone right off the bat and try to date them because of that, or you become friends and get to know and apreciate each other and that turns into love which in turn leads you to persuing a relationship, right? Are you so thirsty for a relationship you take anyone and try to make it work or am I being retarded and close minded?

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 08:27:00 PM5203

Screenshot_20.png

I hate how ugly my bf is. I can't stand how fat he is and the fact his receding hairline has taken a 24 year old man and made him look well into his mid-30s. I struggle to want to stay in this relationship. Not only do I not feel as close to him as I did in previous relationships, this lack of physical attraction towards him makes me feel bad since I feel so shallow for wanting him to not be something that's genetic like hair loss, or that takes time like weight loss. Sometimes I feel like I was mislead, he never showed his face when we met online as often as I did. I showed full body pictures but he never did. Partly my fault, but I never felt the need to push it before. In person it was a shock but I thought maybe it was because I had just met him. But I know now there was never a physical attraction, and the fact it was based online gave him an advantage. I want to make things work. But I don't know if I'd be attracted to a man who doesn't look his age.

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 08:46:34 PM5204

>>5199
Some people date before becoming official. You can also really like someone but not be full on in love with them (yet)…you sound naive anon. Also "dating" also encompasses going on dates with a person, doesn't always mean full on bf/gf type deal.

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 08:54:08 PM5205

>>5204
>you sound naive anon
I guess I am. I am 20 years old and I have no relationship experience whatsoever. It just all seems like a trap to me now. If it isn't "true love" the trouble of a relationship does not seem worth it and a fairytaile like romance you will never find irl. At the samme time being forever alone makes you miserable as well. Is there any option that doesn't make you unhappy?

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 09:18:17 PM5208

>>5205
I don't think most people go into dating someone at the "it's true love" level. Usually it's like "I (really) like you and want to try going out with you" or something. I think somehow finding out you both love each other and then go into a relationship is a bit cinematic (though this does happen, I just don't think it's much of the norm).

At it's surface, most of dating is just hanging out with someone you like enough to kiss/sex them, which is entirely possible if you don't actually love the other person.

Anonymous 01/23/18 (Tue) 11:24:15 PM5210

>>5208
>most of dating is just hanging out with someone you like enough to kiss/sex them
>which is entirely possible if you don't actually love the other person
Is it? I just seems so scary to me. Maybe I have trust issues but I don't even want anyone to touch me unless I know them very well and like them. Casual sex also seems opposed to what sex means to me, a physical expression of love for one another. I am not alone in this, I had a conversation with my dad not so long ago about my lack of relationship experience at this age and he said that sex was something he couldn't do with a stranger or someone he wasn't commited too either.
Is it really nice to do be so intimate with strangers or people you are potentionally gonna part ways with soon?

Anonymous 01/24/18 (Wed) 02:07:45 AM5213

>>5203
Are you much younger than he is? I was in a relationship with an age gap between me and him and it really skewed how I viewed him

Anonymous 01/24/18 (Wed) 02:22:48 AM5214

>>5210
Um, not being "in love" with a person doesn't instantly mean you're actual strangers. Idk why you're bringing up casual sex. Dating isn't either being totally in love or just fucking strangers. There's shit in between that lol. Get a grip.

Anonymous 01/24/18 (Wed) 02:53:03 AM5216

>>5210
Like >>5214 said, you are conflating a lot of things. Maybe you are less trustful or open to pursuing a relationship with someone without the assurance of "love" or "deep care," but that is not how everyone approaches the broad field of "dating." Of course you aren't alone in thinking that sex is a personally intimate activity, but it's oversimplistic to think that people who do have casual sex just fuck strangers (and also there are stranger sex encounters, but that is a whole other thing that isn't really the realm of sex).

Dating can range from looking at every possible person as a potential mate to being romantic friends.
As for casual sex in relation to dating, some people don't place as much importance on relationship intimacy as a reason to have it. It's a different thread to have about whether or not the incidence of casual sex is positive/negative though.

Also don't confuse love with strong infatuation, because even if you like someone a lot, it's not the only thing needed for a successful relationship.

Anonymous 01/24/18 (Wed) 02:53:32 AM5217

>>5216
>isn't really the realm of *dating

Anonymous 01/24/18 (Wed) 11:59:31 AM5225

>>5210
Too many fuckboys, the future is bleak.

Anonymous 01/27/18 (Sat) 10:38:22 AM5269

>>5210
Don't let anyone tell you you're doing anything wrong or strange. Men worth keeping will be willing to wait, and if you let yourself be pressured, not only will you regret it, but you'll probably be taken advantage of too. A lot of men are scum, but some are really nice, like your father. You'll be a lot happier if you find someone who is compatible with you.

Anonymous 01/27/18 (Sat) 10:45:39 AM5270

>>5269
QFT

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 04:04:30 PM5320

I just broke up with my bf. I love him a lot, but we just weren't a very good fit for each other. Maybe it's just wrong place/wrong time. idk.

I'm heartbroken.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 06:23:45 PM5321

DOdKzgGX0AAKPdP.jp…

My boyfriend had a lot of exes, and sexual exprience in general. he expects me to wax down there. he said most girls do it. but I really, really don't want to. not only do I not have the money for it, I know it's both extremely painful and humiliating.
so I told him I don't want to do it. but it feels like I'm disappointing him, and I'll never be as good as his exes.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 06:29:04 PM5322

>>5321
fuck that noise, i can tell you right now that most girls do NOT wax. like you said it's painful, especially down there holy shit. if he asked you to shave, i'd understand, but urging you to put yourself in pain for his body hair preferences is ridiculous.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 06:53:19 PM5325

>>5321
Don't. That's petty of him and he's being ridiculous. Also I've been sexual with several girls and most do NOT wax. I've only tried it a couple times myself.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 08:44:51 PM5326

>>5322
>>5325
Thank you so much. you made me feel much better about the situation. I hope he'd be ok with it too

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 09:21:36 PM5327

>>5321
>>5326
Sounds more like he watched too much porn and pressured his other exes to do it, which fits into his idea of "most girls." If he's disappointed that too bad because sex isn't only about fitting other people into a limited form for arousal. You deserve to feel comfortable too anon.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 10:42:23 PM5330

>>5320
He's now messaging me sad emojis and I'm second guessing myself.

Help.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 11:02:26 PM5332

>>5330
Try and ignore him. If you two didn't work out it must have been for a reason. Don't let him confuse you so easily.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 11:11:35 PM5333

>>5330
Girl block him.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 11:13:02 PM5334

>>5330
And make sure you don't meet him irl to "discuss". That's code for getting you back in using tears and a manipulative voice.

Anonymous 01/28/18 (Sun) 11:35:28 PM5335

28194_twemoji_1f62…

>>5330

Anonymous 01/29/18 (Mon) 04:00:12 PM5346

>>5333
Anon I hope you didn't let sad emojis trick you. If you're sure you're not a good fit for each other it'll be impossible to have a happy long term relationship. Please update us and good luck

Anonymous 01/29/18 (Mon) 06:39:31 PM5350

pQvqRwY.jpg

>>5346
Thank you. The thing is, I'm not 100% sure we're not a good fit, but I just know I'm not in a really great place mentally to have a healthy relationship with him atm. I broke down and sent a couple sad emojis back, but he hasn't messaged me since then, and I feel a bit stronger to keep my distance for now.

Just kinda sucks that the only thing wrong in the relationship was me.

Anonymous 01/29/18 (Mon) 10:03:57 PM5351

IMG_4977.JPG

>>1
I'm just so confused at my current situation I'm in love with this girl and we confessed we had feelings for each other but that was a while ago, we talk, hang out and get really close only for her to ghost me ,she does anything to avoid me, and starts talking to guys (ones she told me she had feelings for before too) and when she gets bored with them goes back to me
I feel like my emotions are being played with and it hurts
She was a good friend and I would support her no matter what she went through and I've helped her out as well
I want to never talk to her again but every time she messages me I answer right away
It's the worst feeling ever we've been friends for four years, this started happening the past year and yet I still love her
I think I'm too kind to people when don't deserve it because I'm afraid of breaking someone's heart or making them sad

Anonymous 01/29/18 (Mon) 10:58:30 PM5352

>>5351
She's using you and enjoying the attention and care she gets from you. That's why she keeps coming back when things don't work (or when she's bored) with the guys she's chasing.
You are too kind, she's probably using that.
You're better off without her even if you have feelings for her. Don't let her toy with you.

Anonymous 01/30/18 (Tue) 12:07:18 AM5353

>>5352
I really needed to hear this thank you, I agree she's using me and I'm going to shut her out of my life and try being happy elsewhere

Anonymous 02/01/18 (Thu) 01:08:35 PM5378

funny-gifs-loyal-f…

>long term relationship
>partner is very depressed
>meds and therapy have little to no effect
>partner is jobless, doesn't do much
>Facebook memes, videogames and food are now the only things that interest them
>been in this situation for almost a year
>partner often shows little to no respect for my feelings
>try to be understanding
>partner gets ass blasted when Im rude whenever I feel like I had enough
>feel like I'm changing due to partners depression
>often angry
>stressed
>don't like who I'm becoming
>feel unhappy and think about breaking up constantly
>unsure because LTR and partners depression is probably affecting them
>don't want to feel like a monster for leaving partner
>feel like partner loves me but is getting comfortable in this terrible situation because
>"nothing works out for me, I'm trash, anon"
>still love partner but feel like nothing will ever get better
>internal dialogue goes on and on
>"will things ever get better?"
>"I'm losing years of my life…
>…but I don't know how to leave…
>…and I feel like I'd probably feel terrible if I did"
>trapped.jpg

Help

Anonymous 02/01/18 (Thu) 07:09:52 PM5383

>>5378
I'd hate to say you should leave them, especially if you two still love each other, but if it's that bad for you and they don't consider how you feel you might need to.

Depression is really tough to deal with and if you two still have feelings for each other you could try and see how you can get them to at least consider your feelings too.
Remind them you love them and care for them and try to get them to listen first. Instead of trying it in a rude way, even if it's a bit tough, try to calmly tell how it's effecting you and mention it's because you care. Usually being rude/mad doesn't help and just makes them feel guilty but i guess it would depend.
If you want them to listen i think trying to be soft helps best.

Did he try a few different meds? Ask them if they're willing to try anything else (if it's a possibility) or get to somehow talk about the options and if they're willing to try and help themselves and help you help them too.
If they won't listen, won't consider your feelings and won't try to do anything to improve i doubt there's much you can do.
I'm a hopeless romantic though and i hate to say just leave if you two still love each other but if they really love you they would show it or try things even in this situation i think.

I'm sorry if i was a little rude, but i hope things get better for you.

Anonymous 02/02/18 (Fri) 02:15:47 AM5389

>>5383
You were not rude at all and I appreciate everything you said.

Yeah, it's complicated because I still feel like there's love in our relationship and that's the main reason why I don't want to break up. But it has been really hard. We had an argument last night over something important and I started crying and told them good night. Earlier today I said I was sorry and we both apologized.
I asked them if they wanted to see something and they said no. When I asked are you sure, I got a snarky reply and a "well, I'm an idiot, you always know better. Right?"
It's been really frustrating and to be frank I'm at a loss.

No, I doubt my S.O. would want to try other antidepressant. It's their first one and they insist antidepressants won't work for them. I think depression has made my S.O. really hard to accept no, other views, opinions, etc.

I've tried talking things out many times and I think I've done well before, but as time passed he's just getting worse and more cynical. I have no idea how I'd tell my family or how my S.O.'s family would react because we have been together for years… And I have no idea how I'd restart my life without them because of how much they mean to me. I feel like breaking up is the right thing to do but I have no idea how to do that and I'm not sure if I would regret it but I think so, they're a huge part of my life.
Thank you for the best wishes, anon.

Anonymous 02/03/18 (Sat) 06:39:19 AM5407

nun-gun-suicide-sh…

>imagine our wedding
>still never said "hi" to him

Anonymous 02/05/18 (Mon) 01:26:15 AM5432

pumpum.gif

>>5351
Hey, how have things been since then?

First of all onee-chan you deserve way better. I'm very much like you and I understand what kind of people I attract. People who use you for a quick boost in validation DO exist and they DO prey on people like you. It's unfortunately how it is.
Sympathetic and empathetic people draw in these people because they're easy to take advantage of.

>talking to guys (ones she told me she had feelings for before too)
This is a grade A dick move and extremely manipulative.
I know you love her, and I've been in the same spots too. It fucking hurts, but she doesn't love you. You need to understand that and move on as best you can.

>I think I'm too kind to people when don't deserve it because I'm afraid of breaking someone's heart or making them sad
There comes a point where you HAVE to. Keeping people around who only use you and hurt you will both prevent YOU from being happy and making someone else happy. You're cutting yourself off from being with others/a girl who you can genuinely make happy.

If you need a friend reach out to me and i'll give you my discord.

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 03:43:12 AM5498

IMG_4687.GIF

>>5432
She actually texted me yesterday she apologized for being distant and I told her it was alright but I haven't texted her back since that
Thank you for advice I'm going to try to keep it all in mind!
I would love a friend ! I've never used discord but I'm downloading it right now so if you leave your username I'll add you when I can!
Again thank you so much for advice it's really helping! <3

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 04:45:29 AM5500

>>5498
Okay! Personally I'd say that she needs to sort out her needs/wants/self and that you can't save her or make those decisions for her, and waiting around will just hurt you.

This is a throw-away email btw if you wanna send me your username#0000 so my user isn't public!
[email protected]

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 08:07:28 AM5501

1468411348988.png

My girlfriend of five years left me this week. We'd been having some issues due to her mental health for a while but I was trying so hard and I really thought we could make it work. The way it ended just makes me feel so sick, I caught her on tinder last week and she's just been so cold since then. We were going to do relationship counselling but then I found out she was planning to breakup with me when she got back from a family trip, so I called her and got it over with.

I was planning to propose in June. Things were just starting to look up in our life. We finally had a nice apartment, I got a well paying job, she was starting uni soon. I don't know why now she's decided we're not worth it. It's probably for the best, maybe she shouldn't be in a relationship at all with how she is with her depression, but it still hurts so bad. Feels like my happy ending has just been snatched from me, and I've been crying almost constantly, I even had to take a day off work.

We started dating while I was in high school and I'm 22 now. I don't know how to be single. I don't know what I want that isn't her. Everything sucks.

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 11:33:39 AM5505

>>5501
Anon I wish I could give you a big hug right now ;-;
I don't give the best relationship advice so I'm really sorry
But is there anything you could do to at least get your mind off of things? That's what really helped me during my breakups
I would go to work, talk to other people (in a non romantic setting I just talked to everyone!) started working out, I ended trying lots of new things
Something like that is going to take a long time to get over I'm sure
But you'll find someone new ! Or maybe new friends!
The way it your relationship ended really hurts and I'm really sorry to hear it didn't work out! But those feelings will pass and you will move on to better days!

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 11:54:41 AM5506

yep.png

Never thought it would happen to me but I developed a crush on a youtuber.

He doesn't have a huge following and creates somewhat niche art videos, so given that I'm also an artfag I may actually have a chance at talking with him. Making it even more plausible, I've been considering making my own casual art channel for the past few months and this would be the final push to do it. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to approach him seeing as he lives on the other side of the world, but he seems sweet and down to Earth (at least more so than most youtubers). Plus it would fall right into my plans of having a cute art husband while I go about my accounting career in the future.

Should I? Am I just living too far inside my head?

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 07:16:59 PM5515

>>5506
I say go for doing the art channel since it's something you've wanted to do for sometime, but don't make it because you think you'll get close to this youtuber.
Having a fantasy about getting in contact with any person for the purpose of pursuing a relationship won't end well if that is a major reason for participating in the same hobby.
I say do the thing, maybe try to develop a friendship with no expectations, see what (if anything) happens?

Anonymous 02/08/18 (Thu) 09:42:40 PM5518

>>5505
I'm trying to stay focused on work, then when I get home I just go on voice chat with online friends and just talk about whatever. It's hard though, every little thing just pulls me back to it. Right now the grief feels totally inescapable. My therapist said I should use the opportunity to find who I am outside of a couple, so I guess I'm trying to do that. I don't even really remember how to make myself happy without her.

Relationships aren't something I want to think about right now, though. The thought of being with anybody else just makes me want to cry. I really thought I'd found my life partner. I'm trying to think about how to make new friends, at least. I've never been great at that. I just hope it stops hurting so bad soon.

Anonymous 02/11/18 (Sun) 11:01:32 PM5559

Help me, I just started dating a guy who'd fooled around online with gay things, and even though it never led to anything in reality, it makes me very insecure. He claims he was just confused and that he feels no desire to ever do anything with a guy IRL, but I don't know if I can believe him. Otherwise he's pretty much perfect, kind, handsome, and treats me much better than any other guy has; I just have severe self-esteem issues and I feel that I might sort of be able to compete with a woman, but if he ever decided he's into guys after all, I would be entirely powerless. Please help me deal with this anons, I love him but I'm so insecure it's killing me inside

Anonymous 02/11/18 (Sun) 11:22:53 PM5560

>>5559
My honest opinion is that you really should not be in a relationship with anybody before you overcome these self esteem issues. IME most people with self esteem issues feel better if the potential is that he turns out gay, over falling for a different woman, so I feel like there are some control issue aspects to your problem that won't ever get any better unless you take the time to fix it. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to prepare yourself for competition (male or female) early on, so I don't think it'll last at all.

But I'm of the opinion that people work on themselves before entering a relationship. YMMV.

Anonymous 02/12/18 (Mon) 12:34:54 AM5561

>>5518
The pain won't go away soon it will take a long time but it will go away I promise, (on the plus side life goes by pretty quickly) like your therapist said you need to find out who you are outside of a relationship and I Wish you luck with that!

Anonymous 02/12/18 (Mon) 01:53:56 AM5563

>>5559
If your partners sexual past makes you feel uncomfortable, you're not obligated to accept it, anon. I know you want to, and if you love him it is worth a shot, but not being cool with it is okay and human. Honestly I'm pretty much in the same situation in a way, and I've been for almost a year, but still unsuccessful.. I feel like I've started resenting my partner despite loving him very much and I'm sure I wouldn't even have thought of giving this a try and accepting the things my partner did if he didn't mean so much to me. anyway no idea how to overcome this because I've tried everything. hope youre luckier than me.

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 06:26:45 AM5583

sample_edfba7de654…

>in LDR, both me and bf are bi
>boyfriend is going to hang out with his friend and have him sleep over at his house on valentine's day
>feel uncomfortable with the latter part for obvious reasons
>ask him not to
>he insists it's nothing, that his friend is straight and that he'd "let me sleep over at a friend's house" (I'm not even sure about this, he didn't even want me meeting up with a friend I met online at a music festival, aka a public place, that we were coincidentally both going to)
>don't feel any better about it
>tell him if he cares about my feelings at all, he won't have his friend sleep over at his house on fucking valentine's day
>he finally agrees not to, begrudgingly
>start to cry and feel bad for being this way, then get angry at him for either somehow not seeing any issue whatsoever with this, or thinking it somehow wouldn't bother me in the least
>sad/mad combo
I've never felt anything negative on, or about, this holiday before. Ironic that the only time it causes me negative feelings is when I'm actually in a relationship.

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 07:18:04 AM5584

>>5583
This may not be the best thing to say right now but consider this as a heads up if anything. Young men who are bi most of the time go gay when they're older. People will say "that's biphobia wahh wahh", but that is just plain reality. Before anyone says I'm saying bi men don't exist, I mean the majority starts identifying as gay eventually. Bisexuality isn't as dominant in men as in women.

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 05:00:07 PM5587

>>5583
Not to be as unsympathetic as >>5584, but it sounds more like you two have insecurity and trust issues to work on. Or at least a clear conversation about boundaries and limits of comfort regarding hanging out with other people.

I get that Valentine's day has the air of a holiday and you're supposed to spend that time with a loved one, but it's also just a regular day for people who don't care about it.
Would you have reconsidered your feelings if he thought the occasion was inappropriate and rescheduled the sleep over with his friend?
Or is it that you don't trust him with any person in that kind of situation because he is bi?
Were you clear about what part of the arrangement made you uncomfortable?

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 07:27:02 PM5590

>>5583
sorry anon if this sound harsh but if your not going to trust him then why are you with him?, i also believe that sleeping with a friend can be completely platoninc and i have broken up with previous partners because of this(along with other things), if you dont think you partner loves you enough to be faithful to you and then you are in a relationship that in the long run will only end up being stressful, comunicate being completely honest with each other as >>5587 said, because this kind of issues then to grow bigger

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 10:47:32 PM5593

3c2be141cd64990c18…

So, i will take a deep breath and treat this thing that i am writing like my best friend. I early apologise my poor english and mistakes on text.
I'm a girl, i have 18 years old, i'm doing a language curse at uni, and I am living with my boyfriend in a different state of my home state where i lived with my parents. I'm OK with my course, but my life really sucks. I was sexually abused when I was a child, and i think it messed up with my head. I always thinking that i'm worthless, crazy, stupid and have no talent. I'm sure i think like that because i suffered bulying in high school and other things. But i'm trying to be more positive, trying to be a better person and trying to love myself.
The problem is: I'm not happy with my boyfriend. We started dating from internet when i was like 14, then que broke up, and get together again. We only see each other in this time one time a month. After i finished my high school, I went on a trip with my mom, he doesen't like that idea AT ALL and almost break up with me, he alwas as been a jealus and controlling over me and my life. Always think i chated him and hings like that. He doesen't like that I have friends even tought tey are few (I have no friends that are men), but they are Black and some are feminists.
Well, we are living together right now, i've tried to break up with him las year bute he got ABSOLUTELY CRAZY OVER ME, saying that was wrong, punching the walls. He reads my conversations with my friends, wants to know my passwords and don't let me get a facebook or a discord even trouth HE HAS HIMSELF. He claims that he only have facebook to sell his stupid yugioh cards.
He is on chans and all that stuff, and you know that in these places woman are disrespected. In the begnning of our relanshionship he was more kind, cute and respectful to me.
I'm depressed, he always says that wnats to know when i'm feeling down but if I tell to him he just give me a weak hug and go back playing league of legends. I'm so tired of it, i wnat someone who really cares for and i feel he is dating me just beacause my mom pay our rent and for convenience.
He tells me that he never would e with me if he doesen't like me. I don't fucking know men, i feel sometimes that he loves me but another time i just feel that he telling me that just for saying. I'm gooing crasy. I feel like i'm dying inside and i will never be happy in this situation. I'm afraid of telling him things i don't like, i'm afraid to dissapoint him but at the same time i wish this all work out and we could be happy.
I'm afraid to break u´p, i'm afraid of everything. I just want to cry and go back in my moms house.
This month he just spend the money we don't have in a fucking PS3 that he fucked up trying to crack the thing. I'm so upset. I feel that he is not resposible and at the same time he made me feel like HE IS THE ONE who have reason and are right in everething. He is into nazi shit too even torutgh he is HALF BLACK.
i'm going crazy. I just want to runaway. I want him to break up with me.
Sorry for such long and awful text.

Anonymous 02/14/18 (Wed) 11:25:52 PM5594

>>5593
My heart breaks for you anon. You don't have to apologize for your English here. It is good enough that I understand.

Do NOT ever apologize for how you are feeling. Your boyfriend IS abusive. He IS NOT a good person. He does NOT care for you. I am so sorry to be really blunt like this, but just off of your post, I can see it. Clear as morning.

Think to yourself. Everything your boyfriend wants, is it something you want? If your relationship with your mom is good, why is he mad you went on a trip with her? If he isn't happy with your connections to other people that are not him, is that a boyfriend you want to have?

A lot of men pretend who they are in the beginning. There is nothing wrong with breaking up and crying. He doesn't want you to be happy. Don't be pulled in by his lies.

What makes you happy? What do you like? If you're not ready to leave this abusive man, talk to us. Let us help you gain the confidence.

I'm also sorry for the useless text, but every story like this just breaks my heart.

Anonymous 02/15/18 (Thu) 12:30:15 PM5604

4E604A4C-AC56-4DAA…

>>5593
You’re the brazilian anon and fellow Kaneoya lover from another thread, aren’t you? Don’t worry, we can understand you perfectly.
I’m brazilian too, so I’ll answer in portuguese(soz for the other posters if that’s disrupting the rest of the thread for that reason)
Cara, eu me identifiquei tanto com esse seu post. Já passei por tudo isso. Você precisa sair dessa, anon. :( E eu acredito que você vai conseguir. Nada disso é culpa sua. Você disse que tem vontade de que as coisas entre vocês deem certo, mas você precisa matar essa pontinha de vontade o mais rápido possível. Esse relacionamento não tem conserto e você não pode consertar o seu namorado(e nem deveria). Nesse momento eu sei que romper com ele parece ser a mais assustadora das opções, mas eu juro, é melhor do que ficar e deixar o controle dele sobre você crescer ainda mais. É melhor que perder uma fase tão boa da sua vida presa e miserável. Ele não te ama, ele sequer sabe o que amor significa. Garanto que ele nem te conhece genuinamente. Sim, vocês se conhecem faz anos, provavelmente conversaram bastante, mas você acha que ele realmente te ouve? Que ele realmente tenta te entender? Esses tipos de moleque enxergam a pessoa que eles deveriam amar como um objeto idealizado e adimensional. É nada mais nada menos que um fetiche de namoradinha(ou “anjinho”, ou “pitelzinho”, “pitanguinha”, você sabe como eles falam). Ele só espera que você siga um papel, e isso é fodido. Caras de chan são os piores. Eu decidi que nunca mais namoraria ou seria amiga(eles sempre tentam fazer a amizade virar namoro) de nenhum deles a não ser que o cara em questão expresse que não tem mais o tipo de mentalidade que esses lugares mantêm. Juro que eles são clones um dos outros, abusivos, possessivos, vitimistas, potencialmente violentos, por aí vai. Eles costumam justificar o próprio comportamento dizendo que as coisas deram errado nas vidas deles, e essa é a desculpa mais esfarrapada que eu já ouvi. Sua vida, por exemplo, foi extremamente difícil. A minha também. Mas você não sai por aí machucando quem te ama e como você mesma disse, até está tentando ver as coisas de uma maneira positiva e aprendendo a se amar. Esses caras nem tentam. Não estou dizendo que o problema é que eles são homens, são a masculinidade tóxica e misoginia, características que lugares como chans, Ilha da Macacada e outros grupos de “zoeira” incentivam e perpetuam.
Você já tentou se desvencilhar dele e não deu certo, mas não deixe isso fazer com que você ache que não vai funcionar dessa vez. Tudo precisa ser pensado meticulosamente antes, você vai precisar do apoio dos seus amigos, família e autoridades, hell, até vizinhos. Um lugar pra ficar, apoio emocional, estratégias de fuga, pessoas pra verificar se você está bem e muito mais. Tem alguma Delegacia de Polícia da Mulher por perto de você pra que você possa pedir orientações profissionais? Talvez seja prudente verificar a possibilidade de precisares de uma ordem de afastamento.
Você não está sozinha nessa, ok? Não vai ser fácil mas vai dar certo, e um dia você vai olhar pra essa fase aliviada por estar longe do perigo. Eu consegui. Se afastar dessa toxicidade é um passo essencial pra conquistar a felicidade e paz que você tanto merece. Desejo tudo de bom pra você, anon, por favor mantenha-nos informada.

Sei que ele tenta controlar suas coisas, mas se precisar de mais uma pessoa pra conversar e te ouvir, cria uma conta secreta de e-mail e manda uma mensagem pra mim([email protected]), as portas estarão sempre abertas.

Anonymous 02/15/18 (Thu) 01:17:07 PM5606

blue_box_by_kaneoy…

>>5604
Ai querida anon <3 Obrigada pelas palavras tão fofas e acalentadoras. Estou com vontade de te mandar um e-mail mesmo. Ontem eu tive um espécie de crise, chorei que queria a minha e tudo mais. Ele disse, como todas as vezes, que vai mudar. Eu o amo muito, e quero que as coisas funcionem, mas sinto que tô num barco afundando, sabe? Dei mas uma chance, mas durante minha crise, em vez de me abraçar, ele me segurou forte, como um soldado sabe? E ficou falando que não sou como outras mulheres, e que sou diferente e blá blá blá. E eu ficava apenas dizendo que queria um abraço. Só me acalmei de verdade quando ele parou de falar merda e me abraçou. Falei tudo que estava sentindo. Disse que sentia saudades do nosso começo, e que ele tinha que mudar, se abrir mais pra mim etc… Ele disse que se sentia culpado por eu estar fazendo minha faculdade por culpa dele, por ele não conseguir emprego e por minha mãe ter que pagar nosso aluguel. Eu acreditei. Eu espero que ele mude, pois se isso não acontecer eu sei que vou quebrar novamente. Ele disse que me ama, que não é nada sem mim e essas coisas. Acho que sou muito ingênua. Eu acreditei.

Anonymous 02/15/18 (Thu) 03:03:18 PM5608

>>5606

Outra anon aqui.

Desculpa se vou soar meio rude e direta demais, mas…

Eu sinceramente não acho que ele vai mudar. "Você é diferente, não é como outras mulheres" : RED FLAG. Sério, sai dessa. Primeiro, qual o problema de ser como outras mulheres? Absolutamente nenhum. Quem fala isso é porque odeia mulheres, então o cara é misógino. Não vai te tratar bem. Desculpe.
Você está sendo duramente gaslit. Caso não saiba a definição, deixo aqui o vídeo. (a mulher tem a língua presa e fica meio irritante, mas você pode ver só com as legendas, é bem explicativo)

Sério, você é nova, você tem a mesma idade que eu tinha quando eu estava em um relacionamento abusivo de bosta. Sai dessa. De verdade, do fundo do meu coração.

Dói pra caralho? Sim. Eu levei um tempo pra superar, provavelmente teria levado mais tempo ainda se não fosse uma amiga minha dizer que ele já tava em um relacionamento novo uma semana depois (fiquei sabendo isso acho que com dois meses de término), sendo que ele jurou que não ia entrar em outro relacionamento tão cedo depois que a gente terminou rararara

Volta pra casa da sua mãe.

E termine você com ele, ele não vai terminar com você porque esses caras preferem trair a terminar com alguém (experiência própria de novo), eles só querem ter o máximo de buceta disponível.

Ah, outra coisa. Quando você for terminar, faça isso em um local público. Leve um amigo, um parente, qualquer pessoa pra ficar de olho caso as coisas fiquem feias. É assustador, mas acontece demais pra arriscar. Em um local público tipo um café ou uma praça também tem menos chances das coisas ficarem violentas.

Por favor, faça isso o quanto antes, e stay safe, anon.

Eu tenho 7 anos a mais e já passei por essas bostas, infelizmente.

Anonymous 02/15/18 (Thu) 07:06:46 PM5611

bebendo Itaipava.j…

>>5608
>Primeiro, qual o problema de ser como outras mulheres?
Exatamente.

Eu estou vendo como as coisas estão indo. Vou pensar com cuidado.
Ele é o típico anão do 55/27. Sabe como é. Depois da briga de ontem parece que ele melhorou, mas não coloco muita fé.
Daqui uma semana vou de férias pra casa da minha mãe e verei como as coisas andam.
Obrigado pelas palavras <3
De onde surgiu tantas brasileiras aqui? Estou surpresa.

Anonymous 02/16/18 (Fri) 03:13:22 AM5614

>>5606
>eu espero que ele mude
Caramba, anon, essa é uma situação muito complicada, mas, realmente, você deve pular fora. Concordo com a outra que é quase impossível esse cara mudar. E também concordo que o fato de que ele ser channer apesar de eu ser um diminui e muito a chance de ele vir a ser uma pessoa decente. Principalmente se ele visita chans brasileiros. Deve ser muito difícil tomar uma decisão dessas, mas as outras anons só falaram verdades. Te desejo forças.

Anonymous 02/16/18 (Fri) 06:55:19 AM5616

>>1
>be me
>have a big crush on a girl from my school
>she's really popular, despite being openly gay and kind of a butch
>I'm the complete opposite so we don't talk much
>she invites me to a party for some reason
>I have no self-control so of course I get shitfaced
>can barely stand on my feet at the end of the night
>crush walks me home since I live nearby
>she lets me lean on her
>we talk for a bit
>think "this is a good time to confess my feelings"
>stop myself right before saying it
>she's visibly confused but brushes it off
>"oh I guess this is me haha goODNIGHT"
>sprint at full speed into the safety of my home
>puke on the floor
>go to sleep
That was almost two months ago and we haven't really talked since then.
I don't think I have the courage to tell her again. Did I miss my only chance?
CC pls let me post.

Anonymous 02/18/18 (Sun) 09:54:44 AM5631

sadfeels.gif

I'm 26.
Been with my bf for 7 months.
We haven't said I love you to each other.
He never says much to me in terms of verbal affection… not even little kissy face or heart emojis. I get jack shit from him that way.
But he always does things for me - practical things. I KNOW he cares about me. But not saying I love you or even getting an "I miss you" from him was beginning to eat at me.

So today I said it in a not ideal way, after learning my best friend (same age as myself) got her boyfriend (2 years older than mine) to say "I love you" to her after four months when she expressed she felt the same way I did - frustrated with no verbal affirmations.

So I told him I loved him.
My bf responded exactly how I knew he would. Saying words don't mean much and actions mean more. That lots of men tell their wives they love them even after they were just cheating on their wives.

But I want words, too… I need verbal affirmations.
So he didn't say it back.
And he probably never will - or at least not any time soon.
And now I'm left here wondering what to do. Can I live with never getting any verbal (and very little physical) affection? Or do I cut my losses and find a man that will tell me he loves me one day.

Also now I feel stupid. Cool.

Anonymous 02/18/18 (Sun) 11:33:17 AM5632

>>5631
Communicate with him softly that these are things you need. If he can't provide them for you, then you'll probably always feel this way, and another partner may be something for you. This sounds like it's something that hurts you a lot so you NEED to communicate that it's important.
If he cares then he should understand that it's all you need.

Anonymous 02/18/18 (Sun) 08:07:13 PM5637

>>5631
I'm always on the other end - I don't care a lot about words or romantic gestures. But I've gotten so used to people requiring it as some kind of bullshit "proof" that I now will give that mechanically. Like the anon above me was saying, he should give that to you even if it's worthless to him for your sake.

Anonymous 02/19/18 (Mon) 06:27:10 AM5641

>>5631
Try looking into 5 love languages with him, like you would be more words of affirmation while he might be acts of service.
Just talking to him and showing that this is how you feel like you cared for. That this matters to you.

Anonymous 02/19/18 (Mon) 10:44:05 PM5647

I have a crush on a coworker but because we have different shifts and we're in different departments I can barely see him these days. If I see him I try to greet him and we talk a little but that's not much. It's so frustrating because before he got moved to another department and I was given another shift, we worked together for some weeks and I was too intimidated to make small talk. I'm a huge loser so I have no idea what to do in this situation, besides trying to forget about him.

I'm the type of person who doesn't really talk unless I'm talked to usually and I feel he's kind of the same so I force myself to see him and talk to him whenever it's possible (which means almost never), and when I do that he seems like he's happy to see me. But I'm worried I bother him more than anything else. It's super embarrassing.

Anonymous 02/20/18 (Tue) 11:47:47 AM5651

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I don't care if my actions sound creepy, I just want to vent about it. I recently developed a sort of crush on a guy working at my local walmart. Given that fact, I probably should've known what was to come but I was hopeful that he was just a nice, unambitious guy. Or he was saving up money/improving himself/whatever.

Sadly, I was easily able to locate him on social media and it turns out he's a loser stoner with few other interests who follows a bunch of instagram thots.

I swear, I have such basic standards and yet I'm still constantly disappointed. It seems men with good personalities are all unattractive to me and men that are my type are all either awful or someone I'd have to compete with. I'm not even into conventionally attractive men, what is this nonsense?

Anonymous 02/21/18 (Wed) 05:16:09 AM5659

>>5651
You're making me start to think that it's a good idea to stalk my crushes on social media in order to get over them.

Anonymous 02/21/18 (Wed) 10:46:03 AM5663

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>>5659

I couldn't recommend it more. Despite the despair I felt yesterday, it's saved me from wasting my time twice so far. And if they do turn out to be okay people, you'll just probably find cute pictures of them to save or learn about their interests/personality beforehand to lessen the approach anxiety. You know, in case you actually want to date them. It's win-win.

Anonymous 02/21/18 (Wed) 07:39:52 PM5668

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When am I supposed to confess to a guy? I've met someone online (not in a romantic context), we started to talk privately after we discovered that we have the same interests. We mainly just exchange e-mails and talk through skype. I've known him for about four months, is this the right time? Or should I wait some more?

Anonymous 02/22/18 (Thu) 03:30:46 AM5673

thH5VV2TW4.jpg

do you miners feel that some people are worth pursuing and others not? Or when you have a crush with someone you give it all even when feeling like maybe you arent that compatible in the long run?

I have a crush on my bestfriend, we sometimes nap thogether and i have felt his heart beat so fast it gets loud lmao or we drunkly get really close and comfy…

but i have never felt like he takes the initiative and he seems to put low effort in relationships while im a high maintenance, do you miners think is it worth to try? or maybe this is just a infautation phase that i should just let it flow

Anonymous 02/22/18 (Thu) 03:38:44 AM5674

>>5673
Sure. Not everyone is ready to be a relationship during all single (or even taken) times of their lives.

If you already see things that would make your friend not a suitable bf (not quite red flags, but incompatibilities), it's better to not try for it. You said yourself that he lacks initiative.

Some things to consider:
Would you consider dating him if he outright asked you without any flirting/insinuating on your part?
Also, are you fine with how your friendship is now?
If you were to try dating, would you see him differently and not be able to be friends again? (Do you think he would feel that way?)
Is your relationship to him as a friend more valuable than the potential for more?

Anonymous 03/11/18 (Sun) 02:26:19 AM5949

fgo2.png

My boyfriend, once every few weeks, feels really tired and sad. He is lazy and somewhat of a procrastinator, and, as a result, schoolwork, stress, and sleep deprivation overwhelm him. He tells me he wants to die, as he feels that the effort he's putting into living isn't worth it. He also feels as if he could amount to so much more, but his personality gets in the way. I try to put a positive spin on things and tell him stuff like "The school year is almost over", "You'll enjoy your new work more", "You're young and you have plenty of time", etc., but I feel as if my words don't help in the least. I can't do anything physically to comfort him like hug him or something since it's a long-distance relationship, and I have no idea how to be more helpful to him. He seems like he feels a little better after I'm done talking to him during these times, but somehow, I think he's only putting up an act. I'm very scared of losing him, whether it be through his suicide or through a break-up. I want to be there for him and support him through the good times and bad, but most of the time I feel as if I'm of no help to him at all.

Anonymous 03/11/18 (Sun) 03:41:03 AM5950

>>5949
Sounds like a loser who'll go nowhere

Anonymous 03/11/18 (Sun) 12:47:24 PM5954

>>5949
It's one of those cases where you can't help someone, they have to help themselve. Guess you can try to keep talking to him, but other than that…he has to sort his problems out himself.

Anonymous 03/12/18 (Mon) 01:34:29 AM5969

got back together with my one and only bf after a month long breakup (lol)
i want to be with him forever
i don't want to be with anybody else
i really hope we don't run into our old problems again
he seems like he's really changed…
want to have a happy family with him and have a happy cat and be happy happy happy for all of eternity
pls don't pop my perfect fantasy bubble

Anonymous 03/12/18 (Mon) 01:44:30 AM5970

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>>5969
get outta there anon

Anonymous 03/13/18 (Tue) 10:46:48 AM5993

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This will mostly just be a a rant about the bad things in the past, a positive rant on how well things are going, how bad things were or still are going in other areas. About me and him, but mostly him I guess. Sorry for it being long, just want to vent a bit.

In a few weeks i'll be with my bf for 6 years now. So far it has been a great time. He was basically my first in almost everything. I've been in a complete gutter before I met him. Extremely suicidal, tons of self harm and everything else, family hated me, had no goals, no plans and I feel very lucky to have found him in my life. He was someone that really knew how to properly approach all those problems. Never yell, always just be there if I did something bad, first hug me, treat me if I hurt myself, calm me down and only then, if I felt like it, listen to why it happened and cry with me.

He helped me get over most of it and it has been almost 2 years since the last time I had any negative thoughts that relate to self harm. And before that it only happened once every 6-10 months, rather than the idiotic once a week thing during the time before him. The best thing about the relationship is that at first I felt like he was making all the decisions for me as I was incapable of doing anything. Not forcing me, but just removing the "useless" parts, such as making sure I look after myself, looking after my food, physical activities, meetings, studying etc. Later he really helped me learn how to make decisions for myself, something I was never able to do.

The only thing i'm sad about our relationship is that I feel I ruined a lot of things for him, even if he didn't say it.
We started living very early on. I had horrible problems with studies, was being kicked out of my dorm because of money and would have had to go to a city far away to my "family". So he got us a small apsrtment and we started living together 6 months into our relationship. I was hard to handle and to be with me he slowly lost all of is friends, his studies were crippled, his own depression and problems skyrocketed, his physical health took a hit. At first I didn't realize just how socially anxious he was at the time and throwing himself to do things that I couldn't with me, but had to.The only "bad" thing he did was keep it all in for 3 years, never saying he felt bad because he was afraid of burdening me. It feels bad because it made me feel like he didn't trust me at the time, but it also feels bad because I remember the few times he tried to open up at first and I was a horrible person and took every single problem he had personally and turned it about me. His physical condition started flaring up, I took it as my fault, started hurting myself to punish myself. Wasn't pretty. I can understand why he ended up not wanting to share and just dealt with both his and my problems silently, but we both could of handled it better as we both agree now that it was both of our faults to varying degrees. Oh well.

I'm just happy that now he fully opens up and tells me how he feels, but also upset that he's in a bad spot. The good side is that he's actively seeking help, always amazing to see him actively looking for a way to improve and if he fails, actively trying to find another angle to fix himself. It's always inspiring to watch him do that. How he goes over why he failed, his weaknesses that would be embarrassing for me to accept if it was me, but he just says it with a straight face as if it's simple for him to accept bad parts about himself. To fail over and over, but still see him try. He also has problems with his health and it's hard on him, so it gives me such a nice feeling to be the one that's looking after someone, even if I wish he didn't have to suffer, but you know what I mean hopefully. Makes me feel good to see myself strong to be able to offer some help and not shutdown like in the past.

So many things happened over the years with him. Found out fully what I want to do in life, finally began to accept my body, began to accept my past and forgive myself for it, started living healthier, seeing people in a different light, being able to control my own life, my own decisions, actually talk with people and function alone if needed, stand up for myself and my own ideals. Hell, we even had a polyamory experience that just happened naturally with a girl we both liked and we were both gitty and happy about, even if it didn't work out, but that's another story. Even then the choices we took during it made me even happier to have him. It might sound weird without the details, but it really made me realize that he wont leave me.

It might sound like i'm idealizing him, but like every couple we did have our fights and disagreements. It's funny, but at the start our fight were because I agreed with everything even if I didn't like it. He tried to hammer into my head to always say if I don't like something even if he does, to never just do it because it's him while gritting my teeth. Ofcourse after I grew my horns we would get into a fight or two every 4 months or so, but happy that we never went to sleep angry or fighting and always resolved it or understood our point of views and just accepted that we are be different.

Anyways, it felt good writing it all down and reading through it. Missed a lot of things, but the post would start reaching book levels.

Anonymous 03/28/18 (Wed) 06:12:33 AM6201

441b4c443b841296f1…

In such a tender mood because of how much I love my boyfriend tonight. It feels so much more fulfilling than anything else.
I feel like he is too good for me and just so considerate as well.
I dunno what I did to deserve this

Anonymous 03/28/18 (Wed) 06:04:18 PM6206

>>5993
It is always good to post how you feel and what is heavy on your mind. I hope that you feel better now and that your future will be awesome. Every crisis can be solved. You can help him and he can help you. Together you can overcome any burden.

>>6201
I am sure he feels the same for you. Sometimes good things happen in life without any apparent explanation. Be thankful for what you have, cherish your times together and keep in mind that you should not just take for granted what you have. Good things can happen from nowhere but it is up to you to make sure they don't go away again.

Anonymous 03/31/18 (Sat) 04:26:33 PM6238

Just found out that the boy I had a serious crush on in HS has a qt goth gf now. (Not because I was creeping, well sort of. I thought she was the gf of an ex-friend-who-I-parted-with-on-ok-terms when stalking his instagram and was happy for him.) I understand why he never dated me (I was pretty uggo and creepy back then) and tbf I wouldn't date him now, it just served to make me feel insecure. It may be my nonsensical low self esteem speaking, but it's there nonetheless.

I mean, even if I left the house (not for work) and attended social conventions, could I ever be good enough for someone? I can't view myself objectively. I like myself, but I can't see what others see and especially not what men see.

Anonymous 04/01/18 (Sun) 03:43:01 PM6253

giphy.gif

I really need some advice or some objective perspective for this.

Bf broke up with me at the start of the year but we got together after two weeks and we're still together now. However we already told our parents that we broke up, but not about being back together since we need some space from them.

The thing is… I feel extremely embarrassed to face his parents again. They didn't saw or hear us breaking up, I never made a scene or caused them problems. Sure, they didn't adore me, but we had an okay relationship and I don't think they'd object about us getting back together. So why do I feel like this? Why am I so damn anxious about it? And the thought that he (bf) has to tell his other relatives that we broke up is also killing me on the inside. I just don't get it, is this normal or what?

Anonymous 04/01/18 (Sun) 09:54:08 PM6257

>>6238
i kinda know what you mean, i want to date pretty badly but i'm way too scared to because i really, really hate almost all my physical attributes, my personality, where i am in life, all that, and i would never ask someone out and let them know that i think that they could possibly be interested in someone like me.

which is all insanity because i've had people like me in the past but i shrug it off/reject them and pretend it didn't happen because i'm THAT insecure

Anonymous 04/02/18 (Mon) 02:29:59 PM6271

>>6257
After further examination, I realized it's a combination of what you said and my weird competitiveness. I question how this girl could get something I desperately wanted and then search for what's wrong with me, even if I was currently comfortable with myself. Then I minimize what achievements I have made.

And hell yes at the weird delusional denial of romantic overtures. There have been at least two men in the past year (one who was super cute, too…) who I think may have been flirting with me, but there's always a nagging in my head that it's a prank/they're just being nice.

Anonymous 04/04/18 (Wed) 04:56:13 PM6303

My boyfriend is great; he goes out of his way to show he cares, he's super smart, cute (a bit chubby), nice dick, and I can wear heels without towering over him (which is rare when you're 5'10).

But I've been feeling a little weird lately. We haven't been having nearly as much sex which is partially because we both work and we're tired at the end of the day. He also goes through these phases where he gets super passionate about some specific thing (writing, music, a book, et al.) And right now its playing some dungeons and dragons game with people on discord. I know he needs to have time to himself but it really irritates me that we only have a few hours together every night and he wants to spend one of those nights pretending to be an elf.

Also his stamina has gone to shit. Early on in the relationship he could go for hours and now he barely last five minutes. I've never had trouble getting off with him and now it's a struggle all of a sudden.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this. He keeps saying we'll get engaged soon and that he's getting the money for a ring as soon as his grandfather's house is sold but he's been saying that for months.

Anonymous 04/05/18 (Thu) 04:06:35 AM6315

>>5203
would you feel attracted to him if he lost weight and wore some realistic hair attachment/wig/hairpiece? or if he shaved his head fully instead of leaving the receding hairline?

anyways you should probably break up with him if you can never be attracted to him under any circumstance

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 01:42:44 AM6340

1522876390362.jpeg

I'm in love with my boyfriend and I have an inkling that he might love me too. However, it's not time to say it right now which is okay with me. We've had a rocky time for a bit and I think he'd get weirded out by me saying it after turbulence.

I'm very much in a happy mood, yet also panicking a little inside. Love is scary, y'all.

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 01:50:20 AM6341

>>6303
Try to just remember him that you are special.
He probably just got too much used having you around.

Guys usually don't rush with weddings so give him just time to to get ready but make him understand that you cant wait forever.

>>6253
You are overthinking it too much.
Important is you are back together.
I am sure his family will be happy that you are back together and tbh they probably also had many such moments in there life so its not that strange for anyone to imagine a couple breaking up and coming back again.

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 01:59:34 AM6343

>>5203
> receding hairline
Gross…

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 02:10:21 AM6344

>>6340
I think if you're having a rough time, it's actually the perfect time to say "i love you".
That way you remind him (or both of you if he says it back) that you'll be there for each other even if you're having an issue.

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 02:13:57 AM6346

>>6344
No I wouldn't do it, he will think that she is weak and that he can easy manipulate her.
If you want to remind him that you care about him do some small things to him that he doesn't expect, but never just run back that easy to him after a fight.
Guys tend to notice much more easy weakness in people.

Take your time with him and enjoy the relationship, often times small things can say I love you much better then to actually say it with your mouth.

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 03:33:27 AM6350

I currently have this huge crush on this boy from my class, but I don't know how to make a move. I get really nervous when close to people and can't really function. I am also afraid of trying something because when I was youger I was kinda chubbier and ugly and I suffered a lot of bullying because of it. I also had a terrible experience once when I guy I liked made fun of me, even though he also liked me because I couldn't really express my emotions properly. I fear that my anxiety will cause me to die alone

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 04:23:54 AM6351

>>6350
it helps if you tell us your age….

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 06:08:41 AM6353

>>6340
i don't get this, there are people who are not in love with their bfs?

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 09:33:23 AM6356

5b1.gif

>>6343
>tfw female and balding at 23

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 10:20:50 AM6357

>>6353
I can see it when a relationship is old and all since feelings change and guys show they are dicks. But when the relationship is still fresh? Yeah that's weird.

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 10:22:10 AM6358

>>6353
I can see it when a relationship is old and all since feelings change and guys show they are dicks. But when the relationship is still fresh? Yeah that's weird.

yen 04/07/18 (Sat) 10:54:57 AM6359

oom.png

i'm in love w/ ths guy, he like, skates and he's edgy, aaah whenever i feel sad i think of him and he makes me sososo happy, my heart gets warm he's kinda my way to cope w/ my depression. I love him so much!I stood next to him once, and i was below his shoulder, like he's really tall, i love everything about him i feel so fuzzy jkdfkgjk

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 12:03:55 PM6360

>>6356
Similar here. I haven't found an exact solution but found some possible causes/options that hopefully reveal solutions.

Main one would be talk to your doctor, if you're like me and you doctor won't listen or doesn't care or you don't have a doctor currently you'll have to do research yourself.

Research-wise, try looking into Poly-cystic ovary syndrome, hypothyroid problems, and low iron.

Some other long-shot options it might be for me that might be similar for you are chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia brought on by having chicken pox at 25, and handling my mother's anti-estrogen/breast-uterine cancer medications and not washing my hands as a kid.

I guess I'm assuming you don't know the cause for your hair thinning, so maybe you don't need all this. If so, sorry about that, please disregard. Otherwise, hope you figure something out!

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 01:44:06 PM6361

>>6353
It's just that we almost broke up due to some problems, and we've been dating for only 4 ish months.. Can you see why it would be a bit weird?

Anonymous 04/07/18 (Sat) 07:56:25 PM6366

>>6361
Yes in that case it's understandable. I think you should tell him when you feel less weird about it. Being clear and upfront is the best way to avoid misunderstandings and knowing where you stand. People take things for granted too often, you never know.

Anonymous 04/09/18 (Mon) 06:22:15 PM6385

I need you miners to be brutally honest with me.
So this guy approached me and I politely rejected him, but we continued hanging out and became really close friends. We shared a lot of things with each other and he told me about his problems and how he wanted to kill himself. He is doing better and I'm very happy for him, but recently he credited me for his recovery and told me he didn't know how he'd be alive if it wasn't for me being there at the time. I want the best for him but this made me feel iffy. Am I being horrible and leading him on? We are both aware that we won't be together for many reasons. Should I keep my distance?

Anonymous 04/11/18 (Wed) 09:10:39 PM6403

>>6385
If you've both made it clear then it should be fine, he may just be extremely grateful but it is a red flag. Try introduce him to more people.
Now, being HONEST I've had this in the past and getting close to them esp at risk ones ALWAYS ends up in an expectation of the friendship evolving. Be honest with yourself and if you're getting a gut feeling this will happen TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. don't let him anchor you either.
Best of luck!

Anonymous 04/13/18 (Fri) 07:44:36 AM6412

I had a date but all I could think about was my ex, I doubt it'll ever work out with my ex and I just won't allow myself to move on because I don't want to get hurt by a new person and I'm already used to being hurt by my ex

Anonymous 04/13/18 (Fri) 02:12:54 PM6415

>>6412
Don't punch yourself for still thinking about your ex. It took me many years to get over him and even now (many many years after we broke up, and with a long time partner) I still dream of him every other month or so. And still think of him sometimes. If you really loved him (even though he hurt you) then the love cant just disappear, right? Just give yourself time. Eventually you'll be ready for a new "someone".

Anonymous 04/14/18 (Sat) 03:05:14 AM6421

>>6415
Thank you Anon, your reply made me rethink my choices at the moment and I'm sure I'm rushing into dating way too fast.. the way I was taught the only way to get over someone is to be with someone else, fast. But it feels very wrong even though the company is nice

Anonymous 04/15/18 (Sun) 05:47:58 PM6436

ppfppf.png

There are a good chunk of men where I live that I find attractive (even if my type is pretty specific, I'm just somehow lucky to see at least one cutie every time I go out) but I can't figure out a way to approach anyone.

How do you girls meet/approach people? As it is I just wait for them to be at my workplace and try to make small talk and hope for the best. I know I can't approach strangers outside of work (I may come across as creepy) and I'm not very social, I only have one friend. I'm also uncomfortable with a club scenario and online dating, they both seem to be full of skeeves.

What's a good strategy? Will I have more chances when I start uni in the fall?

Anonymous 04/15/18 (Sun) 07:54:12 PM6437

>>6436
>good strategy
What kind of a strategy do you need?
>observe male human
>figure out if male human is around your age, and is within your league (for example going for a gym rat if you're a slob is always a risk)
>approach male human if he is to your liking
>put on your best fake smile
>Hey, I'm sorry to ask out of the blue, but I was wondering if you'd give me your number
>await judgement

Even if you get rejected it's not the end of the world

Anonymous 04/15/18 (Sun) 08:58:46 PM6438

>>6437
NTA but wow that's it? Guess now I know why I'm still single despite taking good care of myself

Anonymous 04/15/18 (Sun) 09:10:04 PM6439

>>6438
I wouldn't know because I'm actually a virgin (._. )
But /adv/ on 4chan is having a thread on it right now and asides from guys who are probably baiting and another guy talking about fishing or some shit, most seem to agree it works. But you can probably also ask there

I mean even if you totally spill your spaghetti I think most guys will still appreciate the notion. I don't see why they wouldn't, unless you start downright stalking them if you get refused.

Anonymous 04/16/18 (Mon) 12:45:21 AM6440

>>6436
>Will I have more chances when I start uni in the fall?
Yes.
When I was in school I was super shy, didn't like to go out and only had female friends (didn't help that I was in an all-girls school). But then when I started going to an uni…..sooooo many guys were trying to woo me and shit.

Anonymous 04/16/18 (Mon) 03:25:22 AM6444

>>6439
Oooh thanks for the tip, anon. I may visit them later. I'm not too sure if I have the balls to do that tho.

Anonymous 04/16/18 (Mon) 11:13:13 PM6448

>>6440
Humblebrag

Anonymous 04/16/18 (Mon) 11:42:23 PM6449

>>6448
Can we not?

Anonymous 04/17/18 (Tue) 12:55:15 AM6450

>>6440
This anon is right in one sense, but I feel like all college men aren't boyfriend material. Then again, I'm not the best judge of that because I'm not attracted to men, but that, I mean, they tend to react loudly if you don't want to be date them. I'd only consider being with a person if I felt they could handle rejection gracefully. Idk. It also depends whether you're in STEM or not. If you are, you will get swarmed and for me, I hate it, but I guess it could be a plus for a straight/bi girl. It just seems like it'd be a pain to find a guy that is worthwhile.

Anonymous 04/17/18 (Tue) 03:49:23 AM6451

I've had a crush on this guy for a while, but he doesn't want to date anyone right now and two mentally ill people probably wouldn't make a great couple. Anyway, we were sitting in my car, and my family has been having issues and I just flat out broke down in front of him. He held me and did his best to comfort me (he's a clingy guy and is physical with his friends so him holding me wasn't unusual), and I just wanted him to keep holding me forever. But eventually he had to go home, and although I feel good after venting to him, I know that experience probably ruined any chance I had with him. Oh well.

Anonymous 04/17/18 (Tue) 11:22:04 AM6452

>>6436 here.

>>6437
Yeah, browsing around male dominated places online it does seem men wouldn't mind being approached by a woman even if they aren't attracted to her. I always try to find context/a jumping off point for a conversation but since I never get one I may as well be straightforward, huh?

Maybe I really should just drop a guy my number like the girls in those movies I watched growing up haha.

>>6440
>>6450
I always figured a good chunk of men in college/university were just looking to get laid and nothing more, especially if they're social enough to approach many women. I plan to date to marry, as it were, and figured approaching shy guys who don't hit on anyone/aren't in frats/don't party would guarantee a greater chance of scoring an emotionally intelligent one.

I'm taking business when I do go, but probably would be more interested in meeting men in school clubs since I imagine most male business students to be money hungry manwhores. I just want a cute artsy future trophy househusband to grow old with…

Anyway, lesbian (or asexual?) anon is right, it seems like a pain to find a worthwhile guy, even if someone isn't socially inept like me. But thank you all for your advice!

Anonymous 04/17/18 (Tue) 06:36:11 PM6455

>>6452
>most male business students to be money hungry manwhores
Nah most of them are normies. Business school is something a lot of people who don't know what they want to do choose just because the career prospects are decent and it's widely applicable. The money hungry manwhores are wannabe investment bankers and consultants, so just avoid them and you're gucci.

Anonymous 04/18/18 (Wed) 05:35:55 AM6458

>>6436
The two women I've been in a relationship with have approached me actually. The first was my teacher and used a subject of the classes to start a conversation in facebook (we already knew each other, of course, but weren't close), we hit it off and started dating. The second is the sister of a friend of mine and asked him my number and for him to tell me she had a crush on me, then I messaged her first. I'm focused on study right now so we aren't dating, just seeing each other every now and then. That was just to give you some ideas, good luck anon.

Anonymous 04/18/18 (Wed) 06:37:12 PM6460

saddies.gif

Warning: Long vent post

Ugh. I’ve been thinking a lot about my love life recently….and that I basically ruined my first relationship which happened earlier this year, I am 18 btw. I was friends with this guy for a couple months or whatever, he ended up getting feelings for me. At first I was sure I didn’t want to be in a relationship right then, because my depression was really bad due to me having to be homeschooled this year. Obviously, I was really lonely since I was by myself 24/7, so I was glad to have made online friends with people, him included. He told me that he couldn’t just see me as a friend anymore and that he would have to stop talking to me if I couldn’t be his girlfriend. (I know this seems like a red flag but I had prior relationships so I was very naive). I stood my ground for a bit, but eventually I could tell he still wanted more, after a couple weeks I decided to give it a shot.

Meanwhile, all this happening I am extremely behind in my classes, forcing me to feel like complete shit and seek out comfort/reassurance. (I know it’s my own fault but I did get my shit together so pls no bulli). He was there for me and even offered to help me, but would get frustrated that I wanted to do it on my own, he also got annoyed when I wasn’t affectionate with him, I’m….not really the affectionate type and I kinda have trust issues when it comes to guys. I did mention this to him before we even started dating, so I wouldn’t feel as guilty if he knew what I was going to be like. He would make comments about me having an eating disorder, which didn’t help with my already low self-esteem. I have really bad phone anxiety, so when he would call on discord I would just type in chat instead of speaking, I did speak every once in a while though.

Shit hit the fan when I decided to move for a couple months to a different relative, so I could focus on my schooling. I told him beforehand that I was going to be busy, things got really tense after we had an argument about it, I couldn’t handle it so I ended up shutting him out. I just did my school work and sometimes talked in the group chat, but barely talked to him, since leaving him unanswered would make him upset, so my logic was that I couldn’t leave him on read if I just didn’t talk to him when I can’t have a full conversation. I got really close to being caught up and one day he blew up at me, calling me cruel and comparing me to his friends girlfriends, etc. It was heartbreaking, and I just wanted to be done with it all, it was too much to handle. We discussed it and we both had different sides to our stories, but I did apologize for just shutting him out and not talking to him about it.

We agreed on a break and eventually he broke up with me when it was “too long” for him to wait. I felt really sad at first, and still do sometimes like today but for the most part I am relieved. We we’re only dating 3 months but there were some good times, but I sometimes worry he thinks I’m a terrible person. He recently re-join my group chat after a couple months and….I kinda wish he wasn’t in there, but I can’t kick him out since he’s friends with my friends. And I watched some of my favorite animes with him, but now when I watch them I think of him and it makes me sad. I wish I could go back and never have said yes. I can’t tell who was worse in the relationship, but at least I don’t have to worry about it as much as when we were together. THIS IS REALLY LONG I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT…

Anonymous 04/19/18 (Thu) 03:14:37 AM6465

feels bad to know i'll never have someone attractive interested in me.

Anonymous 04/19/18 (Thu) 07:22:22 AM6467

1505955211210.jpg

tfw crush on girls but it never works out or they're straight or married or something so never been in a ralationship.

Anonymous 04/19/18 (Thu) 08:11:45 PM6473

We got back together after the brekup, only for him to start acting weird 3 months after. We set up some "rules" and discussed what we could change about ourselves etc that could help the relationship, it worked fine for a while, but now he's actually stopped texting me. (LTR LDR)

I tried to make him talk several times but that doesn't work that well over messages or phone. I just hate it so much. Things started to look better for us and then he starts closing off again. I asked him a few times what's wrong and he keeps telling me he's tired and doesn't want to use his phone, sure, okay, but not even saying hi? that's cruel. I just wish he'd had the guts to end it instead of just…ignoring? Ghosting? me. It makes me angry that he doesn't want to say what's really going on and that he's fucking with me like that. I'm a bit on the sensitive side and the whole thing stressed me out so bad that I barely ate, drank or slept during the last week.

I'm getting used to him being away, and he'll probably break it up soon or we'll just stop talking completely. The reason why I don't want to break up with him is because I think he might be doing all of this on purpose to get dumped and I don't want to play along.

I'm just tired and sad.

Anonymous 04/20/18 (Fri) 03:21:29 AM6480

>>6473
Yes he is trying to dump you, or just doesn't care much about you anymore. I know this is most likely the case because my ltr ldr ended like this too, and I have friends who have been through the same. I know you don't want to, but maybe you should mentally prepare yourself and give him the boot if you don't want him to just drop you completely someday. good luck.

Anonymous 04/20/18 (Fri) 04:27:03 AM6482

>>6467
brb moving to russia

Anonymous 04/20/18 (Fri) 04:42:18 AM6484

>>6467
>US
>D

either fake ones or huge because phat
>inb4 britfag or small tiddies
You know it's true.

Anonymous 04/20/18 (Fri) 05:07:52 AM6486

>>6484
D cup isn't all that large.

When will people learn this.

Anonymous 04/20/18 (Fri) 05:15:28 AM6488

>>6486
it depends on height and body structure, but it is considered large for most women. if it wasn't about fat and implants Canada would probably have gotten a D too.

Anonymous 04/30/18 (Mon) 12:22:14 PM6658

4353bac91f4365db39…

Im absolutely in love with a guy who doesn't love me back.

And i just cant snap out of it, i will always do my best to make him as happy as possible even if it as a friend.
He's probably one of the few things that makes me keep on living and i love him so unconditionally.
I would do anything if it meant that he got to experience alot of happiness.

Its so painful sometimes but seeing him smile makes it all worth it.

It just doesnt make sense to get over him because even if i did i dont think i could ever be truly loved by someone for quite plenty reasons.
Im Just too messy mentally with close to zero chance of getting better. (ED and Moderate-to-Severe Treatment Resistant Depression, its a miracle that im barely functional and usually dont let the mask crack)

Anonymous 05/16/18 (Wed) 04:20:07 AM6897

This week marks six years of my relationship.

It's weird to think that we met each other when we were young (but not so young, it was in college), and are moving towards growing old together for reals.

Anonymous 05/16/18 (Wed) 05:39:32 AM6899

>>6897
Super cute, congrats!

Anonymous 05/17/18 (Thu) 12:50:34 PM6904

>>6467
BEEG RASHAN TEETEES

Anonymous 05/19/18 (Sat) 06:53:45 PM6936

nmtbhm.png

Hey, I posted here a month ago about wanting advice on how to approach men and I'm probably going to hit on one in the next two weeks or so. He works in the food court of the local mall and I'm planning to just be forward and ask for his name and number. I sat outside the shop last weekend and we made eye contact and smiled at each other several times, which I'm taking as a sign that he doesn't feel immediate disgust over my appearance.

Wish me luck.

Anonymous 05/19/18 (Sat) 07:41:52 PM6937

>>6936
Good luck, anon-chan! Don't forget to come back!

Anonymous 05/19/18 (Sat) 08:10:37 PM6939

>>6936
I'm cheering for you anon, but wanted to point this out: if he's working in food service, it's his job to be friendly so it would only work as long as you aren't also ordering food because that makes it really awkward.
Your plan works though, don't make the excuse of "I'm getting food" to talk to him, just do it.

Anonymous 05/19/18 (Sat) 08:22:52 PM6940

>>6939
I know, I work in fast food myself. But he works in the kitchen (which is visible in the front) so I'm hoping to ask to talk to him during a lull and just be very direct about the whole thing.

If it doesn't work it doesn't work, it's still a big step for me regardless. And thank you and >>6937 for the good wishes!

Anonymous 05/19/18 (Sat) 09:08:16 PM6942

>>6940
good luck and tell us how it went

Anonymous 05/21/18 (Mon) 10:09:58 PM6958

1512313126612.png

>it's a "spend the whole night crying because your only friend who also happens to be your beloved crush of 6+ years and view you as a 'best bro'/sister starts going on about women he finds attractive" episode once again
I want off this ride. It's either 1) cut him off, miss everything about him for the next decade, and be left to rot alone with your own thoughts and not a soul to talk about them with or 2) keep my friend but also the regular depressive spells that'll inevitably double in frequency and intensity the next time I end up supporting his endeavors to win over some beautiful girl (only for her to reject him anyway). I can't win.

Anonymous 05/22/18 (Tue) 04:07:12 AM6964

>>6958
is he really not into you?

Anonymous 05/22/18 (Tue) 06:49:06 AM6970

>>6958
Cut him off. But before you do, explain your feelings to him, you've got nothing to lose and maybe… He might have feelings for you himself?
If not, cut your losses. Be good to yourself anon, you deserve to be happy.
(Plus noone said you can't be friends again once you get over him)

Anonymous 05/22/18 (Tue) 09:50:54 AM6971

>>6958
Have you told him how you feel about him? You'd be surprised how many people are oblivious to other people's feelings. For all you know, he might feel the same way about you, but he doesn't even attempt to initiate anything due to fear of getting rejected by a friend, and he seems to be know a lot about getting rejected. Getting rejected by someone even closer would probably feel even worse, maybe he just doesn't want to risk feeling those feels.

Anonymous 05/22/18 (Tue) 08:57:14 PM6974

>>6964
>>6970
>>6971
This has always been my favorite wishful thinking fantasy, but there's nothing to suggest it's anything more. He's made it clear he wants a cute gf and I am far from that, which is often the butt of his jokes since he talks to me as he would to his guy friends and doesn't realize it affects me at all. Honestly I'm just an unattractive boyish sperg who's never had anyone interested in them. If I find myself approaching an absolute snapping point I'll confess before cutting things off because he deserves an honest explanation, but I won't hold my breath for this to accomplish much apart from making shit awkward if we happen to see each other again afterwards.
Thank you for the replies though; regardless of how things turn out it makes me feel a bit better to read them.

Anonymous 05/23/18 (Wed) 10:10:40 AM6983

>>6974
He could be making those jokes in hopes that you will respond
>how about me?
And then you could have that conversation you both seem to be scared of bringing up in fears of rejection.

Anonymous 05/23/18 (Wed) 04:06:19 PM6985

>>6983
I've actually mustered up the courage to do this once when he was bemoaning his lack of a wife, he just ignored it and changed the subject to dungeons&dragons, don't do this to me anon I don't want to get my hopes up.

Anonymous 05/23/18 (Wed) 06:39:36 PM6986

>>6985
Holy shit how retarded can people be? Does he expect to get Angelina Jolie or what?

>>6974
I think you should confess your honest feelings for him and tell him it crushes your heart when he talks like that about other women. You might damage your friendship with him but I think in the long term it will be less painful to you. Imagine him letting you on the hook for years, then finally finding a girl and then even inviting you to their wedding. Out of politeness you would go but scream internally and wish it was you.

I hope you manage to fulfill your wish with him and in case it does not go well, well bad luck. Just remember that scars heal with time. You will still miss him but it will become bearable over time.
Good luck anon

Anonymous 05/23/18 (Wed) 09:46:07 PM6987

>>6985
Don't get upset by this but how exactly are you unattractive?

Some guys pretend the are Leo Dicaprio and think if you're not Kate Hudson you may as well kys. These guys are overcompensating hard and should be dismissed.

But I do believe there is merit in the argument that if you want to attract a partner you should present yourself in an attractive way. Like it or not there are certain things that are de facto attractive like glossy hair and clear skin and white teeth and nice smelling bodies, etc. Some guys find girls who are a little chubby to be cute so weight is a subjective thing.

There are so many tools available to women to improve themselves so depending on what your defects are maybe you should put some effort into your look.

Anonymous 05/24/18 (Thu) 01:46:17 AM6988

My bf and I have only been together for 2.5 months, and our initial connection was very strong so we said we love each other early on. In the past few weeks though, it's like he just doesn't care about seeing me. He's naturally more introverted/distant and is fine spending only 1-1.5 days together at the end of the week, and I learned to deal with being turned down for wanting to sleep over on a weekday etc. The lack of communication in between has saddened me since he's not a big texter (now it's just a brief one once a night, for reasons below) and isn't the type to send affectionate texts, but I figured it'll sort itself out once school ends.

Now, it's finals week. He started studying more last week and said he wouldn't want to hang out for 2 weeks until tests are over – fair enough. I came by on Saturday to get a sweater I left behind and asked if he'd invite me in hang around each other for 10min (not even talk, just be in the same room b/c I miss him); he turned me down repeatedly and it was a borderline argument where he called me "manipulative" for saying it upset me that he not only had zero urge to be around me for a minimal amount of time in between this break, but also since truthfully our quality time means A LOT to me since I'm honestly very lonely/sad and it's not like literally 10min would make or break anything for him. He said he's stressed and not thinking about me now, only school, but it came off as cold-hearted..

Obviously his tests are coming to an end and I asked if we could meet on Friday night/Saturday and offered to bring him chocolate, and he avoided the first part and said not to worry about making anything for him… So I'm getting a bad feeling, but either way he's seemingly not enthusiastic about hanging out again. Then he's going on a 2.5 week vacation at the beginning of June, so not much time left to see each other before then..

I don't get it. He's not a very sexual person so I doubt he's using me for sex, and he turned down quite a few girls before me (I'm his first gf) so I don't get why he'd date me if he doesn't actually like me. It hurts a lot to feel rejected and it's the only reason I've gotten outwardly upset at him (sans his lateness problem).

Anonymous 05/24/18 (Thu) 06:05:28 AM6989

>>6988
I think you should give him full space until tests are over. You also don't sound too well of a match tbh, but just do your best to wait until his duties are done

Anonymous 05/24/18 (Thu) 06:41:15 AM6990

>>6989
>>6989
Yeah, that’s what I intend on doing, I’m just worried it’ll continue after school ends too. It sucks because things started off great, but they haven’t felt the same for like a month now. We’ll see what happens, I guess. ;_;

Anonymous 05/24/18 (Thu) 06:56:33 AM6992

>>6990
Best of luck. Hang in there nee-chan

Anonymous 05/24/18 (Thu) 08:37:15 AM6994

I’ve recently grew a strong yearning for marriage or a domestic relationship. I’d look at engagement rings and get emotional about the fact that I don’t live with my boyfriend. Unfortunately it won’t be for a while, too.
I would rant about why we’re experiencing some commitment issues but it’s just so complex and unrelatable, i feel

Anonymous 05/25/18 (Fri) 07:26:51 PM7028

>>6992
Update: his tests are over and I said I'm really feeling down lately and am in desperate need of company even if it's just half an hour together, but he said he wants even more time to himself "for his mental health," so we should see each other sometime next week and talk about it then instead. I asked how it's fair that I gave him space and felt lonely for weeks (which wasn't ideal for me) while he won't even do something trivial that'd mean a lot to me when I need him, and he avoided answering it.

I should break up with him because I guess he ultimately is more selfish than I even realized, so now I feel like shit because things were amazing at first and I really fell hard.

Anonymous 05/25/18 (Fri) 08:55:24 PM7029

>>7028
>get girl handed on silver plate
>complain about muh freedumbs
I cannot understand this. He is living the dream of thousands of introvert guys and then just throws it in the gutter. He is either a complete retard or a complete mess or he really is not into you.

I really hope that he gets his shit together and your story ends in a happy way for both of you. Have you ever told him what exactly you dislike about this behaviours? That he ignores your feelings and needs and that it is egoistic of him to demand something from you and not repay the favor?

Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding kind of thing and you can clear it out with a little talk. Make clear to him what you expect in this relationship. Good luck

Anonymous 05/25/18 (Fri) 08:57:45 PM7031

>>7029
Just noticed he might use the "muh depression" card. In case he does it, remind him that millions of people are in the same situation and offer your help for him to get back on his feet.

Anonymous 05/26/18 (Sat) 12:40:30 AM7035

>>7029
>>7031
I already posted about this in another thread earlier, but ultimately, I got broken up with first. (I did state my issues very clearly and asked "Why are we in a relationship if I can see that you don't care?" and we ended up talking on the phone since obviously we're not seeing each other again super soon, where he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.)

He said his anxiety has gotten worse and he wants too much alone time and doesn't want to be relied on for support when he feels like he hasn't sorted himself out yet. We're planning to stay casual friends for now and I guess we'll see if things ever mend themselves in the future, but yeah, it hurts. Our relationship really was great on both ends for the first 2 months and this was the first time I truly wanted to go above and beyond for someone, but apparently the past 3 weeks made him stop loving me. I'm going to give him space since he soon won't be in the country until towards the end of June anyway, and maybe he'll regret it or get his meds adjusted or whatever, I don't know. I feel lame for it but I've been crying for hours lol