/feels/ - Advice & Venting

You're going to keep repeating the same patterns until you heal the root cause. It really does tend to feel like an endless cycle. All hope is not lost. You can have self awareness without feeling and processing events and emotions, until you can fully feel and process whatever things are deep down inside triggering your behaviors you will just keep struggling. If your bf is understanding and supportive he can be beneficial, if he feels like you are a burden it will just make things worse for you. Good luck.

>>100461
You can change. You don’t have a bad person disorder, you are hurt from trauma. You have to learn to treat yourself with kindness and you can become the person you want to be. Everyone can make progress. You will have to work on yourself though. Therapy is also recommended

i have self destructive bpd. its hell. i would give anything to be free from this disease

bpd is the new histeria

you probably have something trauma related like cptsd or are on the spectrum

>>100461
>financially abuse me
help she expected me to buy her subway it's financial abuse!!!

I was raised around narcissists and i’m pretty sure i developed it. It used to be worse and i fit most of the symptoms and behaviors but i don’t as much currently. Which is something i’m happy about. Still fucked up a good chunk of my life

>>100461
There is a difference between a broken person and a bad person (feelings of guilt are proof)
Example someone like venusangelic who went throu a lot of shit would have probably been a bad person regardless.
Some people are just soulless.

I think I have "quiet" BPD if it's even a real thing. Not interested in psychologists and psychiatrists so I'll never get diagnosed but it's the closest "explanation" for a lot of my bullshit I can find I guess

>>101145
I feel the same way but also have no interest in being mindraped by pill pushers. I just want love and friendship and community and compassion and to be a completely different person, but not like everyone else because everyone else sucks.

Change is possible, but for me it took almost losing the love of my life to change, and even then I think I still have quiet form of it. I still feel the anxieties and stuff, but now I just self soothe instead of acting on my feelings.

Before I was badly BPD, I felt bad and guilty over my behaviour but I couldn't stop. That was until I tried to pull it all off on my current BF and almost lost him. That pushed me to do all the self-reflection I needed to improve my behavior. You should really look into what is causing your BPD tendencies. For me anxious attachment and BPD went hand in hand. Once I was able to get over my anxious attachment my BPD improved massively.

Lets say a BPD person blocked or unfriended you on social media. Is it still possible to get together with them, if they have cooled down from their anger? With normal people it's usually possible to make it up, but does the same go for BPDoids?

>>101432
- I had a four year friendship with someone with BPD (key word had) and yea - it is possible they'll calm down and you can try and mend the bridge but it might be months until then. And there's no guarantee that the stability will last either.

I went through a cycle of intense friends, fall out, make up, intense friendship, fall out etc etc.

>>101423
how do you know you're anxiously attached/bpd and your bf isn't just an asshole? I used to be like you until my AvPD bf dumped me. Then I got a new normie bf and I've never felt anxious or clingy or jealous or paranoid about abandonment or anything

>>101432
I used to have a friend and they seemed like they had BPD.They were never diagnosed or anything but I'd be surprised if they didn't have it. They kept turning on everyone out of the blue and I knew I would be next one day so I was prepared for it when it came around. Hold on tightly, let go lightly I say. You can only do so much for someone. I'm not putting myself through that again. They were really condescending toward me in the last few months before they were done with me. Then they said some really nasty things to try and hurt me as much as possible. They were always such a drain, so high maintenance and very demanding. You got to ask yourself if that friendship is worth it if you are going to try and befriend them again. You have to think of yourself first sometimes or you'll only let people make a fool out of you. They at least taught me that, i'm glad I knew them but I don't want to know them again

My ldr bf just said he'd move to be with me "if we work out" and now I want to break up with him because he's considering us not working out already.

>>103296
how long have you been together?

>>103297
5 months :( i don't know why he's deliberately trying to make me feel insecure about the relationship. i hate him.

>>103298
5 months isn't little for today's standards, but i think it's not enough time to move in together.
does he make you feel insecure about yourself and/or your relationship in other ways? is negging something he has done before?

>>103300
>does he make you feel insecure about yourself and/or your relationship in other ways? is negging something he has done before?
no, but he said he'd be worried about me making friends if i moved to his country (he's probably right though)

>>103301
5 months is a relatively short time even for couples in the same country nona, for the ones in different parts of the world it's way too little to move in together, changing countries isn't a decision to be taken lightly. it makes sense for him to want to wait more.
does he mean it as in he's worried about you not making friends by moving to his country?

>>103302
Before this he said a lot of stuff that made it seem like he was more committed than he really is, I guess, and the sudden change in attitude threw me for a loop.
He meant it'd be hard for me to make friends there.

>>103303
that you'd struggle to make friends is a strong possibility, but he should have a friend circle and help you through it, no? how's their english over there?
also, if you dont have good friendships where you are atm i doubt it's a concern. if someone needs to have a problem with it it's you, not him.
he might be making excuses because he doesn't want to move in together yet, and not being honest is scummy of him.
but honestly nona, 5 months really is too little, especially for a ldr. it doesn't mean he isn't committed to you, he is just being cautious because this is a big decision that one or both of you might regret a lot if rushed into it. in fact, i suggest you be wary of men that pressure for rishing through the states of a relationship much more than one that doesn't.
the other extreme of the spectrum is ofc just as bad, so if you start to feel like he isn't planning to seriously commit, it's right for you to dip. personally, i don't think waiting more to move in ks proof of that. but do look out.

>>103304
he isn't making excuses for why i shouldn't go there. he wants me to move to his country but due to reasons on my end it'd be easier for him to come to mine first. he wants me to move there with him after a few years. or so he says. now i'm not sure.
like what does he think won't work out? am i not good enough for him???

>>103305
when someone says they are worried about the consequences of you doing something, it usually means they are trying to make you reconsider it.
anyways you know him better than me so you'd know what his plans are regarding being with you. what i can tell you is that his concerns are perfectly normal and they don't mean he doesn't value you or the relationship. i'd wait more and observe his behavior from now on before reaching conclusions about his commitment nona.

I had psychologist tell me I might have bpd and that I should see a psychiatrist, but I researched intensively about the disorder and I just don't think I have it. I fit some of the diagnostic criteria but not in the way associated with bpd.