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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Help me get over this boy Anonymous 100533

Nonas, I had this crush on this guy who was in one of my classes. He's a couple of years younger than me. He seemed really sweet and endearingly aloof. Really my type! I even thought we were spiritually/energetically linked since I would always run into him whenever I thought of him and I always somehow knew where he would be. I didn't stalk him, I could just predict it. We never had an actual conversation which sucked because he seemed so friendly and talkative to those who sat near him. To be fair, I did sit in another part of the class. I once smiled at him and he smiled back.

I would only stare at him in class but I've been told my stares would probably come off more like glares.

Unfortunately, I never once made the effort to talk to him but I don't think he cared for me either, lmfao?

I finally "shot my shot" and sent him a LinkedIn request (he doesn't have social media, which is strange for his age) after the end of the semester because after a series of rejections, I didn't want that to be another one too. He ignored it? I took my request right tf back after 4~ ish hours because I can only handle so much rejection. I felt so pussy after the whole ordeal. There was initial regret in not talking to him but I guess there isn't really anything to regret now.

I also feel a bit silly feeling so dejected by the actions of an 18 yr old boy lmaoooooo

Anonymous 100537

>>100536
He is actually active and recently created his LinkedIn. His number of connections went up the day after I sent the follow request so I'm sure he probably saw it or at least got an email notification.

Talking to him irl is no longer an option since he goes to another university (same city). I don't even know what to bring up if I were to run into him again.

He likes anime, as do I. I hang out at the public library and read manga. I hope to run into him though I have no proof of him ever attending this library though (I've been going to the library since before him). I also work downtown and might run into him there.

Anonymous 100557

>I took my request right tf back after 4~ ish hours
He probably didn't see it. Also do not ask him out, always let him come to you. Guys will treat you for granted and it will change the entire dynamic. Instead greet him next time you see him and give him a compliment. Like that he looks really handsome with the jacket he is wearing or something. You can hack the brain of a moid by giving him an unexpected compliment. Most guys rarely get any compliments and will think about the few ones given to them for years.

Anonymous 100601

>>100557
That won't work,the problem is that OP is the boys senior (I'm guessing OP is in collage) and freshmen won't just walk up to senior girls and ask them out

Anonymous 100611

>>100601
Yeah I’m in college. The guy was in his senior year of high school but taking college classes when we were in class together. He’s now graduated and is going to a different school than me but the same city.
> OP is the boys senior
I’m 20 so only 2 years older, I’m just dramatic
>freshmen won't just walk up to senior girls and ask them out
He’s now a freshman in college and I’m only 2 years older

Anonymous 100612

>>100611
He is literally just starting his degree and you could be halfway done yours, the whole college thing is new to him right now. By all means pursue him, but just don't expect him to make the first move because societal reinforcement doesn't prime freshmen boys to ask out older girls, you'll have to do a little bit of legwork up front.

Anonymous 100616

>>100612
Seeing how I wouldn't be able to physically speak to him, I'll resend the follow request.

Anonymous 100617

>>100616
i think sending a linkedin request is a little bit goofy… i wouldn't do it nona. it makes you look not very fun to be around (not saying that you are, it's just the first impression that you would give by doing that).
as the others have said, simply walk up to him, smile, and try to strike up a conversation. maybe involve the other people around him too, as in show yourself to be engaging and friendly with the group. that will leave him wondering.
since they're freshmen,you can use it to your advantage. say that if they have questions they can ask them to you. that can be a good strategy to push him to ask for your number.
then next time, give him a compliment, very casually. as another nona has mentioned this will make him think about you a lot.
maybe invite a group of people you see fit involving him to grab something together to eat, and use that time to try and get closer to him.
hopefully he will eventually ask you out, or for your number etc.
DONT DO IT FIRST.

Anonymous 100619

>>100617
> simply walk up to him, smile, and try to strike up a conversation
We no longer attend the same school so i wouldn’t be able to see him in person anymore. :(
Thank you for the the ideas, though!

Anonymous 100661

Since I took back the LinkedIn request, i’ll have to wait 2 more weeks to resend it :(
In that time, maybe I’ll learn how to win the IDGAF war.

Anonymous 100673

>>100661
I think I saw him today? I didn't approach him (if it was him!). I just kept to myself. I just want to be approached instead of doing the approaching :/
This will never go anywhere :(

Anonymous 100676

>>100533
aloof men are never worth fucking around with. you think you'll crack their shell and they'll love you forever and reward you with rare intimacy they don't dole out to other people, but instead their avoidant tendencies will make them search for flaws in you no matter what you do and then they'll contrive some inane reason to dump you no matter how long you spent with them.

prosocial men are the only ones worth dating (and yes they'll date nonas too).

Anonymous 100685

>>100676
I disagree. There is no proof that he avoidant. Aloof means he’s sometimes unaware, is a bit gullible and something says things that make me laugh. As a female human, I’d like to experience love :)

Anonymous 100688

>>100533
>using linkedin as social media
Kek!

Anonymous 100695

>>100688
Please don’t laugh at me, nona. This whole situation is highly embarrassing for me. I actually update it and use it normally lol. I just wanted to throw it out there to see if he would reciprocate. I have 500+ connections on there. What’s one more?

Anonymous 100696

>>100695

its over for you. LinkedIn connections are only there because people want to get jobs (source: finance student)

if you want to make more friends join the discord of a university in your city n go to meets or smthing and lie about being a student.

Anonymous 100699

>>100696
rip
yeah, i figured
time to move on

Anonymous 100732

>>100723
I thought nona meant “parasocial” as in online and “not real”.

Anonymous 100734

>>100723
>>100732
no you retards prosocial means they're sociable/not antisocial and friendly holy fuck
>>100685
Okay be careful. He shouldn't be so unaware that he doesn't ask you out and you do the asking out - that's a trap for chasing avoidants. Just being clumsy or something is fine though

Anonymous 100800

>>100734
>He shouldn't be so unaware that he doesn't ask you out and you do the asking out - that's a trap for chasing avoidants
I think I’m a fearful/disorganized avoidant myself. I think that’s why I was chasing him so hard. There was another guy who liked me. He backed off and all of a sudden I was interested in him.

Anonymous 100988

>>100800
I'm textbook anxious/preoccupied (the least cool one) and I found what really worked for me was actively dating a bunch of people at once. It made it basically impossible to develop limerence and hyper focus on one person. Not sure if it'd work in your case, but that's what worked for me.

Also even if you can't manage to date a bunch of people simultaneously, just go through the motions of watching if someone pursues you and immediately disengaging if they don't, even if it feels unnatural. I'm in a relationship with a securely attached person for the first time (only ever dated dismissive avoidants before) and I think this is why.

Anonymous 103390

Jesus fucking christ dawg, just ask him out.
The gender role of females must wait for the male to approach is dumb and's clearly holding you back.

If the relationship doesn't work because he doesn't like being approached, then it wasn't ever going to be worth it.

Anonymous 103392

>>103390
>Jesus fucking christ dawg, just ask him out.
I haven't seen in a minute so it's not a possibility for me.
>The gender role of females must wait for the male to approach is dumb and's clearly holding you back.
It doesn't make sense for me to approach someone who might have 0 interest in me.
>If the relationship doesn't work because he doesn't like being approached, then it wasn't ever going to be worth it.
I don't know how he feels about being approached so I can't say. He was nice to me and I think he was planned on walking up to me to talk to me but I became nervous and walked away. By the end, I think he thinks I have a dislike for him but it's the opposite. I was just too scared/insecure to have a close interaction with him.

Anonymous 103499

>>103392
>It doesn't make sense for me to approach someone who might have 0 interest in me.
Literally the opposite, it makes more sense to approach to confirm.
We don't live in a cartoon where someone can be seen with hearts popping out of their eyes, or massive red blush, or whatever – while, sure, there's pieces of information here and there to work off of – you should still just approach.
If it doesn't work, the next boy you get hot headed over you can approach them easier since you're already experienced with rejection.

>I haven't seen in a minute so it's not a possibility for me.
If you've seen them with friends, and you seen the friends at some point, ask them to rely the message to him.
You could even go further and ask for advice to how to approach him, or ask them his phone number.

>By the end, I think he thinks I have a dislike for him but it's the opposite. I was just too scared/insecure to have a close interaction with him.
People react different most of the time than what you think they're thinking.
Easily he could've thought instead: "Oh, that was odd", or "Huh, well she seemed nice, I guess."


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