/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>102990
I used to think I was better than my friends who hadn't dated until they were like 30, but having done so I realize I could've saved myself a lot of time and heartache and my health had I just focused on my work and ignored moids. All those friends ended up marrying their first loves who turned out to be like doctors and shit who had their lives together in their late 20s-30s. They all have happy and wealthy families now while I post on here and nurse terminal trust issues that'll never go away.

Leave the poor girl alone so she won't be hurt by your shitty fake ass.

>>102990
What are people your age "meant to do" if you don't mind my asking? I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that.

You sound like a horrible person to be around kek

if there are any redeeming qualities about her at all, look past the bullshit you're judging her on, stay friends with her and help her level up. without going into detail I went through something similar and very easily could've been dumped by a friend but she pushed me to apply for a job I probably never would have applied for if it wasn't for her and it definitely made me grow exponentially. I know you're not responsible for helping others out but at the same time, surely there's a reason you two used to be such good friends. unless she is someone who just refuses to change or take certain risks, I think it's worth at least just orbiting while making subtle suggestions.

Stay in her life.

>>102992
This.

>>102990

It's just an obnoxious way for OP to say that her normie standards for what should make someone an adult, like what age you have experience with men, should apply to everyone.

OP, you sound like you're the one who still has growing up to do. The way you thought was the way I thought in middle school towards my friend, not after. We were both bottom of the totem pole in popularity, but I thought he should have been even more bottom of it than me, thinking "I'm too normal for a weirdo like him". But I learned to appreciate his kindness and empathy, because it was the highest in anyone I've met. You found a little success somewhere and think you're better than others now. Why don't you learn to appreciate your friend's good qualities more? Your current mindset is going to drag you down the path of becoming an insufferable narc that is the one who others are viscerally repulsed by, even if you have alot of money, a boyfriend, are physically attractive, etc. You're not going to be much better than your friend by becoming a bully.

You sound like a stuck up cunt. Probably a bait thread.
Anyway, why don't you try help her get off her feet? Do some fun stuff with her, introduce her to new friends? You can actually change (not all this shallow stuff you listed out) and become a better person, if only you would try. Make yourself, and the world, a more pleasant place. Or stay in place and rot, like you are bent to do.

>>102990
You are an awful friend.

op here.

i dont think im going to cut her off. 1, because she’s my oldest friend. i dont want to “help her out” though mostly because she didnt ask. if she does then id be more than happy to. 2, i am aware that i may in fact be a stuck up bitch judging someone for superficial things. this is something that i might grow out of so i dont want to make any permanent decisions based on a temporary phase im in.

>>102994
i cant say what youre MEANT to do from ages 17-23, but the issue was that she hadnt changed at all. same appearance, interests, lack of ambition, etc. i compare her to my other female friends and compared to them she just feels… stunted in every way. i cant imagine introducing her to any of my friends because she would seem extremely out of place in terms of appearance as well as personality. she just isnt very charming. she doesnt diversify her self with new experiences so there isnt much talk about either. when we met up we just talked about politics the entire time.

i think the biggest different between her and my current friends is the emotional needs they fulfill. in middle school i just wanted my friends to like the same things i like. me and her used to be into the same stuff growing up (mostly anime and internet culture stuff) and thats why we got along so well. as i grow older though my interests have changed and i need my friends to fulfill a more emotional need. can i talk to them about boy problems and will they be able to empathize? can i share my ambitions with them and will they share theirs so that we can lift each other up? are they fun to be around? are they interesting? the answer to all of these questions when it comes to her is no. she hasnt had any relationship experience so she cant empathize with me on that, she has no real ambitions, and she isnt fun to be around, and she doesnt diversify herself in any way so she isnt really interesting either.

people in this thread have asked me to look past that and look at her good qualities and i cant really think of any. she isnt particularly kind or empathetic. from our last meeting she referred to people with BPD as “crazy” and she judged me for not knowing about some border dispute thats happening between india and china. she’s politically aware about things but that’s really it.

again i dont want to cut her off because people change all the time. i want to lend people the same grace of spirit that i would want them to lend me. atm though this is just genuinely how i feel about her.

I've had a friend that I've known since middle school. I think we became especially close around college (even though we were in separate schools and countries, even) because we had similar interests and views on a lot of things. We used to call and chat at least once a month, but the last few years I went through a pretty tough time mentally. She also struggles with mental health stuff, so I'm sure she had her own things going on. But while I was struggling, I couldn't help but feel resentful. I don't feel like she was really there for me the same way I would be there for her to listen to her complain when she had her issues. We talked about it a few times.

She acknowledged that she tends to give advice when it isn't asked for and that she shuts down sometimes when something is really emotionally overwhelming (due to trauma, so a valid reason), so she'd make an effort to be a better listener. She also told me that it felt like I was using her as an emotional blowup doll and that it was getting to be too much for her. I want to try to be better at setting emotional boundaries so I don't do that to her anymore, but hearing that still hurt. And I think because of that I started noticing a lot of things in our conversations I didn't like, such as how she cuts me off a lot while I'm talking and doesn't tend to ask a lot of questions when I'm discussing something so it feels like I have to lead the conversation a lot. I'm not going to cut her out of my life (I'm actually going to send her a birthday gift soon), but I pulled back on reaching out to catch up so we could have some space. It's telling that ever since I've pulled back, she hasn't reached out to ask to catch up either. I'm pretty sure the last few times we talked were times that I initiated.

>>103024
samefag because this sounds like we had a falling out. I also just think we outgrew each other in the sense that we handle our emotions very differently now. When we both are going through something difficult, it feels like the kind of support she's looking for isn't something I can give and viceversa. It's a big shift from when we used to vent to each other about everything, so that's the outgrowing part.

>>103022
if she's happy the way she is and you don't want to introduce her to your friends, then either you can find something you both enjoy doing together/connect emotionally/intellectually, or you'll drift naturally anyways. some people's phases are other people's nature. what i do know is that it won't work out if you look down on her, don't want to be around her, and don't enjoy spending time with her, it'll just drain you and/or she will figure it out. congrats on making it into the normielife nona.

>>103022
>from our last meeting she referred to people with BPD as “crazy”
She is right, are you a bpdfag? Kek that would explain a lot, you really sound like one.

>>103064
i dont have bpd, i just think its dodgy to harp on how people with certain mental illnesses are “crazy” when its clearly just a cope to feel superior to someone else. also i personally think calling people with bpd crazy is insensitive at best.

>>103064
Bpd is the modern hysteria. It's misdiagnosed a shit ton and used by therapists and people without empathy to avoid dealing with everything from complex PTSD to chronic pain. Because women are crazy evil bitches that obviously make shit up all the time, right?

When I graduated secondary school me and my friend group just kinda drifted apart over the years. Initially we still met up every weekend to drink but over the years we met up less and less until contact just kinda sizzled out all together when one of them went abroad long term and another moved a couple of hours away. I guess I realized that once we didn't have school grouping us together, we didn't actually have much reason to spend time together, we had no shared interests or even shared educational paths and lifestyles, it slowly become more difficult to have engaging conversations.