/feels/ - Advice & Venting

The internet convinced teenage me that I was trans back when tumblr was rampant. Luckily I didn’t do anything permanent but I did socially transition which handicapped my social development a lot because there weren’t really much people like that irl during that time and other people thought I was a freak.
Overall I aged out of it around the time it became mainstream and I knew irl people doing it because I just realised how retarded the concept was of saying you’re something you’re not because it’s the easiest way to become comfortable with being different vs just accepting who you are.
I still get ftms I meet nowadays convincing me to transition but overall if they are older than 21 they tend to understand my pov. Being a tomboy is rad and punk and I’m not gonna resort to surgeries and meds for the rest of my life because it’s the easiest way to explain myself nowadays.

I was a tomboy as a kid and kind of backslid after trauma. I initially just dressed to be gender neutral, but then I developed curves and had to go aggressively masculine with short hair, baggy jeans and huge hoodies to hide any femininity. I went non-binary they/them, which people responded so positively to that I was encouraged to experiment with going trans. It's so cringey to think about, but I was a couple of weeks into slowly shifting toward he/him when I got a crush on a very cute guy who instantly assumed I was just punk/tomboy and liked me anyway. All that momentum towards transition just vanished and I was left feeling stupid for thinking I was confused about my gender.

>>103665
I don't know what happened to just being a gender bender I don't know when it all became paying for expensive surgeries and being a pharma experiment the rest of your life.

I am extremely glad I am an older millennial from Germany, who missed out on this. Back in my teenage years it was simply not a thing. But I really struggled a lot during puberty and how I was turned from an innocent asexual kid into a sexual being, who couldn’t hang out with my male friends in the same way anymore, because they stopped seeing me as a person, but a sexual object. If you told me, you wouldn’t have to go through this, I would have gladly stopped my puberty, wore a binder at least. In the end I was able to make peace with my femininity, it’s something every girl has to go through and for some it’s harder than others, but we are forced through this by our body and for many the mental acceptance comes later than the physical changes. That’s why the trans ideology is so harmful. Because for girls it’s legit an easy quick short-term solution. By taking testosterone you are actually mentally more stable and less prone to random cry attacks, less depression and so on. But you are destroying your own body and can never become the woman you were supposed to, if you do this. Allowing this to happen to young girls in their most vulnerable, stressful times of their life is criminal. Sorry for my rambling.

No one pressured me but I did almost troon out when I was a teenager out of my own volition probably because of internalized misogyny and I was uncomfortable with the idea of sexuality and facing puberty. I did not want to become what society deemed as a "woman" I wanted to continue to be a child sexually speaking, girl or boy, pre-puberty. I would start to dress more masculine and even had short hair for a while, luckily my sister discouraged me from trooning out and my mother was visibly disturbed when I started to dress more masc.

>>103668
>I initially just dressed to be gender neutral, but then I developed curves and had to go aggressively masculine with short hair, baggy jeans and huge hoodies to hide any femininity

Same, I was really scared of having a curvy body and breasts. I remember I would try to hide my chest and even dreamed of getting a reduction but now I dress normally because as a woman you will be sexualized regardless whether you are a TIF or not, feminine or not, by men as long as you have XX chromosomes. Your gender expression doesn't change the way men can sexualize you at all.

>>103676
I wonder for how many mothers it was tolerance until their own daughter wanted to cut bodyparts off

In the pre-2015 days of Tumblr when online transgenderism and the neo-pronouns began to rise in popularity, a lot of spergy lonely girls on tumblr, began to identify as trans men or non binary individuals, all so they could feel a part of a group or community, typically because they lacked one IRL (hell thats why they were posting on tumblr like it was their job). This is what I observed from being a user for so long. Some felt the pressure there, if you felt isolated from your fandom communities due to the massive LGBT overlap.

In my own life, due to my mother wanting a son, having a slew of internalized misogyny, and attempting to raise me like a son (emotionless and androgynous), I fell into the transgender community and identified and presented as male for 5 years, attending monthly LGBT groups.

At age 19 I realized I wanted to try to dress more femininely and express my womanhood, something that was shamed and suppressed from me due to my family.

Now at age 25, I have had a plethora of online friends who are not familiar with my past, who made "egg" jokes at me, tried to convince me I would stop being depressed and struggling with other mental illnesses if I just transitioned. It's absolutely disgusting. I already lived the life you decided to one day adopt in your 20s. I felt so separated from my identity and womanhood my entire life, and just because I struggle with that due to my mother's own internalized misogyny does not make me transgender. It's increasingly frustrasting.

I identified as an enby as a youth in 2014-15. Bound my chest, cut my hair and all that. Considered hormones and researched it but never went the whole way.
I did pass as an androgynous blob just because I was fat and ugly with a deep voice.
The inspiration was definitely seeing anime boys as a way to be attractive since I didn't like the idea of adhering to feminine standards of beauty. I wanted to be a bishounen since that's what girls liked and it's what I liked. I then yoyo-ed to very feminine and have settled for some flavor of stylish tomboy, but very much a woman. It's what I was all along but being a woman is scary to a gnc teen girl.

People in gay spaces do they/them me automatically, but no pressure to transition. I just give "I don't care about pronouns, but I'm a woman" as my pronouns answer.

>>103655
I have "clockable" features (thanks hormone issues) and am best described as GNC. I wish I was smaller and more feminine by default, but I'm an adult now and recognize it was simply never meant to be in this body, so I empathize with trans women who will never pass (and honestly I seethe just as much as they do when I see a "passoid" who looks more female than me). I lean into androgyny because it's the only way to cultivate attractiveness on this unfeminine female body.

Despite all this I've never felt "male" and that's mostly because I've never felt the urge to do something pathetic or terrible for a chance at sex, which I consider the distilled essence of man. Because of how I look I could easily they/them for clout but I've always considered it like the LGBTQ+ equivalent of a participation award.

i have trauma, mild 'tism and i was a tomboy growing up.

I also had a really shitty relationship with my mother and almost all of the women in our family were exactly like her in some aspect, and having autism made me really struggle to connect with non-neurotypical girls so i grew up thinking i was some kind of fucking freak and that i was "supposed to be born a boy."

Thankfully i grew up in the 2000s to early 2010s and the tranny bullshit wasn't really that much of a thing. I never really said anything about how i felt to anyone because i was really hung up about making myself seem like more of an outsider or a weirdo.
I sort of ignored it throughout my teenage years because i had other issues to deal with, but from 2019 to the start of this year i was non-binary and it really made me feel so much fucking worse. I felt like i was lured into it with false promises that it'd get rid of my problems surrounding accepting that i'm a woman and spent years in a state of confusion and just making myself stand out in the worst way possible.

the reason i hate the tranny and genderspecial shit is because it's basically a cult, i know it's such an overused comparison but i can't call it anything else. Everyone who identifies as transgender/non-binary or whatever has mental health issues and all this does is promote the idea that you should just hyperfixate on gender, hate yourself, mutilate your body and become a big pharma guinea pig instead of actually addressing your problems first and foremost.

it promotes an almost narcissistic level of self-fixation to the point that it doesn't really leave any fucking room for positive personal development. Every TIF/TIM/genderspecial i've ever met is either miserable, has no social awareness, combative, lazy, a bonafide sexual predator or are just outright unpleasant.

it'd just be helpful to tell TIFs in a similar situation to myself that just because you don't feel like you fit in as a girl doesn't mean you need to go and skinwalk an anime boy that you want to fuck or steven universe or whoever the fuck else and make your life needlessly miserable. Go to therapy or do something that helps you understand the impacts of trauma and autism and how it affects you instead of trooning out. You can be a fucking woman and have trauma, autism or whatever. You just need to work on navigating it.

For me, the worst that happened was that I roleplayed as a anime guy when I was 13.
I felt more comfortable to roleplay as guy then when I roleplayed as a girl, but I found that was because of the extremely high standards I was giving myself.
Even when I was feminine, I was mocked for being fat and having male hobbies like gaming and some guys at school would call me a man to mock me (the same guys that then would try to sexual assault me lol)
Now I am confident and comfortable in my femininity.

>>103682
I never even told her, never told anyone but my sister about my fantasy of trooning out. It was because she started noticing me dressing like a boy that she started to give me pep talks saying how I'm a girl and how devastated she would be if I wanted to be something else. She just knew instinctively. I think for some teenagers it would just make their beliefs stronger and make them want to rebel more but for others maybe they will start to feel upset for their loved ones and stop the trooning process.

When I hit puberty at the age of 10, I displayed behaviours that would now be considered signs of being trans, but it was the late 2000s so I didn't make the connection and neither did anyone else around me. I started to viciously hate sexually mature females and femaleness, openly talk about wanting to change my name to be gender neutral, dread the thought of having breasts, dread the thought of starting my period, dissociated from my body, blocked out the reality that I had breasts and my period would come soon, switched to gender neutral body covering clothes, openly and explicitly protested at being called "she" and "girl". But I didn't really identify with males either, I hated them too. I had no idea what I wanted. I liked beardless, skinny, long-haired, androgynous male characters and created an alter-ego OC but didn't really connect with anyone on social media about it.

Then the next year I started starving myself and switched to a sort of forced, caricatured femininity, like I was playing out a misogynistic autist's resentful, bitter caricature of what it was to be a preteen girl. I can tell that since puberty I had a subconscious desire to be "like a man" rather than "like a woman" in the way I think and socialize, but I never thought of it in those terms. These desires usually coexisted with a desire to present in a feminine, but desexualized way. I never had the thought that I'm not a female, I just hated it and then made peace fairly quickly. I am lucky I could.

By the time I was a teenager & trans stuff started to enter public discourse it was like I forgot about all this. When my HS best friend came out as non-binary I was disappointed and resisted the name/pronoun change. When all the conversations about trans started happening, I never really made the connection to myself or thought of it as something I might pursue. When I started making all sorts of friends who were trans identified or later came out as trans, none of them really commented on my own status. I never got close to TiFs because, in the back of my mind, I knew I hated what they were doing and I hated the thought of having to pretend we were different "genders". I got on the best with autistic TiMs who were relatively self-assured and didn't impose horniness on me. When I was about 20 I experimented a bit with wearing thrifted men's clothes and I bought a cheap binder to see if it would look good, but never wore it again after the first try.

Hardly anyone has commented on it or connected any dots.

Ever since I was a child, I was insecure about "looking boyish". I remember during school dances I had to take the role of a "boy" because there weren't many boys in my class. And it was always me and one other girl, the teacher didn't care enough to swap us with the other girls. I was also bullied for being overweight by all the guys in my class and I thought nobody sees me as a girl anyway, so I might as well be a guy.

I've discovered tumblr in 2012, before the whole trans thing. But after 2015 I was part of a few LGBT circles or how should I call it. I didn't really buy that much into it. I just wanted an excuse to live as a man.

I had a weird childhood, on one side everyone made me think I was too ugly and gross to be considered a woman, but I was also sexualized by strangers, because of my body. Someone even took upskirt photos of me when I was maybe 10 or 11.

I'm basically a hikikomori now, I work from home and I'm terrified of going to public, unless I'm going to places I'm familiar with.

>>103655
Only when i was older and the trans thing even caught on. I absolutely have the personality of a man sometimes because it just suits me… but im just as much feminine at times. I believe in taking on the full spectrum of human qualities, especially where assertiveness, confidence, impishness are involved, otherwise I just think you're missing out, losing out, living a diminished life. I don't really dress masculine. But I've always had this boyish cavalier personality and wildness. When I was a child and in my teens it was the same, I subconsciously strove for both qualities.

I would never transition into a man and i would mock anyone who insisted i should. I really dont care what other people do unless they brigade on reddit and limit peoples' freedom of speech. If they kept at insisting and bringing up the trans thing i would turn the bullshit back on them and just start harassing them back. I would probably bite their head off if they annoyed me enough. I'm really good at using my "masculine" qualities to flip the script being fed to me and make people shut up if they won't stop forcefeeding me things im not receptive to. Even my presence tends to shut people up. I mean i really cultivated the whole masculine voice thing, I'm ngl. I really don't want to be dominating though I just want to enjoy my life in peace.