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Vent thread Anonymous 103830
Old thread hit the limit
>>100201Tell us about your problems, nona
Anonymous 103834
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Op here, I'll kick the thread off
I am a deeply repressed ftm and very unhappy about it. I always wanted to be a pretty prince and do cute stuff with girls and be how other men aren't basically. But instead living with GD in a very patriachal place has made me bitter, petty, envious and moody. When I present femme I am actually quite attractive but I hate how that makes everyone around percieve me. I'm bi (pref women though) and really crave a relationship but whenever I come close to getting one I am disgusted by how the guys just seems me as a cute little thing and I just run away and isolate myself again. I have no one irl to talk to this about and no one that would understand if I opened up. I have thought of going on T but with my build I would just be a weird manlet, and whenever I present more masc people just see me as a dyke, which also makes me uncomfortable (not that being a masc lesbian is a wrong thing), but I just hate being seen that way, I wanna be seen as a guy. I have felt like this all my life and when I was younger I used to hope it's just a phase but now I am in my 20s and I feel the same, if anything I just feel even less attracted to men than before.
I try coping with watching cute romance movies/anime but they just make me feel even more bitter. Idk.
Anonymous 103835
>>103834You need therapy nona, transgenderism is an illness that has to be treated.
Anonymous 103836
I have none lol my life is fucking awesome
Anonymous 103837
>>103834I struggle to see why you want to be ftm other than you don't like how people perceive you as a women? One of the more retarded reasons for wanting to be trans. I mean, I get it, but like you said I don't think being a manlet would make people perceive you better in most cases, especially romantically
Anonymous 103838
>>103837Cause it's like everything is upside-down, the things you find natural and comforting are the complete opposite of reality. You hate everything about your body, and when something about you is masculine, you like that trait but others hate it. You wanna behave more masculine but others scold you for it. It probably doesn't sound that bad but it's very all-encompassing, everything you do is marked by this expectation/reality dissonance. Even how you interact with people, either you will look like a tomboy or just like a weirdo.
>>103835most therapists just tell you to transition or pray the gay away
Anonymous 103841
>>103838I'm sorry you're going through this, anon. Maybe you could try joining a club or something where you don't know anyone and use that as a safe space to fully embrace being a man. See if it helps with the dysmorphia?
Anonymous 103842
>>103838Perhaps you should focus less on your body and more on your character. For both sexes, it's the person's character that most people are attracted to and not the outward appearance. Having confidence in your image, your body language, the ability to laugh at your imperfections, coherent speech – all of those qualities are important to shape a person's perception of you. And all of those qualities could be learned and mastered. I'd advise you to join an acting class or start doing some simple acting exercises – like these, for example –
https://actinginlondon.co.uk/exercises-improve-acting-skills/Being able to perform in front of an audience, to play a character, to see yourself from an outside perspective can help you to stop caring about how other people see and judge you.
Anonymous 103852
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I’m gonna punch a wall, I am trying to choose a laptop and there are so many factors and details and models and modifications and shit to consider, I am trying to compare hardware and stuff but it is endless and seemingly worthless and I just don’t know how to choose, so many unnecessary options
Anonymous 103853
my feet are really fucking cold
Anonymous 103857
i’ve been in a 3 year long relationship with a moid and i have told everyone i know and have ever known i am straight but that’s a lie. i have dreams about falling in love with women and i have had crushes on girls albeit very little, only two. and i have never found a male physically attractive or sex w them arousing, but only men have ever approached me and i don’t know what to do about it. i don’t feel sexually aroused by my partner unless i’m inebriated and i do my best to clear my head and not think. i think i might be lesbian or at the very least bisexual but i have nobody to talk to about it. im just very confused. i had a dream today that drove me insane and waking up with him repulsed me. as always. but nobody knows i feel this way.
Anonymous 103859
>>103857Please stop torturing yourself and just break it off ASAP. All your other problems can be tackled after that.
Anonymous 103861
>>103852Watch justjosh on YouTube, he puts great details onto laptops and doesn't just compare raw numbers or gamer specs. Here's one of his recent videos.
Anonymous 103887
got sober for the first time this past year. like truly, fully sober; this whole time i think i’ve had maybe 3 glasses of wine total and i even quit vaping last month. it’s also been the most boring time of my life. I can’t go out with my friends the way i used to, i feel like i’m relegated to some sanitized kiddy corner of their life away from “real” shit. Or they side eye me like I think I’m better than them because my sobriety activates some personal insecurities. It does not help that I worked in a degen industry so prescription drug abuse, coke, weed even heroin (powder not iv) no one bats an eyelash.
There’s also the fact that I’m objectively actually boring as hell if I’m not manic or on something and I’ve also gotten quite fat without the appetite suppression. I ended up quitting my job like 5 months ago now because turns out my living expenses are actually quite low, and I’ve just sort of been laying about the whole time. I see a psychiatrist for antidepressants and I’ve tried therapy but it didn’t really work because boredom isn’t really a problem. I’ve got enough money to coast for the next decade but i get the feeling I’m probably gonna end up wasting it.
Anonymous 103894
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Working in customer service is really making me more antisocial than what I wanted to be. I thought maybe it’ll turn me into a more sociable person going around meeting new cool people. Instead I get shitted on for making simple mistakes like mishearing the size of their drink or getting their coffee wrong. I guess I’m not meant to be a bartender or a barista. I’ve worked back of house before and being a cook wasn’t so easy too. Worked in a warehouse too which was an extremely competitive workplace left me burnt out in less than a month. I can’t find any good place to fit in. No matter what I do as a living it’s hard to please a certain group. My only will is the money that’s coming and the good friends I’ve made from my current job. I could never be happy with any job.
Anonymous 103897
I lost my $80 bathing suit today, and I have no idea how. I'm so mad and upset that I feel ill
Anonymous 103926
>>103857I used to be in this position too. Break it off. It sucks being single but it sucks even more when you're with someone you don't love or find attractive.
Anonymous 103932
I was reading this manga, and in it this really cute virgin guy has sex with a woman who is not a virgin, and it really squicked me out. I read the chapter an hour ago, and I'm still feeling disgusted by it. Virgin guys should save themselves for virgin women.
Anonymous 103943
I did my makeup for the first time in a while and I feel so ugly. I hate all of it - feeling the pressure to paint my face, and feeling ugly against modern beauty standards when I am healthy and young. A while ago I thought it would be fun to stream a few games that I like to play, but I realized I will never become popular because women need to be pretty to succeed in the public eye.
Anonymous 103944
I've been on the hunt for a full-time job or freelance gigs for a while. The local market is tough without a college degree nor a stellar portfolio for the fields I'm trying to break into. I was a NEET who gave up on myself for a few years. My mental health's stabilized only recently to allow for job-searching outside of my current part-time gig (which is chill and close enough to home to justify the below-average wages).
I'm personable enough during interviews and face-to-face interactions. Friends in similar fields believe in my competence and intelligence. My problem is getting past the screening stage, when all they look at is your CV and portfolio. I'm currently involved in different creative side projects that will take a while to pay off, leaving little room to create smaller pieces for the resume. The freelance options around me are currently saturated. No clients are biting. I'm tired.
If I didn't have the privilege of savings then I'd be forced to return to the wageslave industry that I was in last year, which was my first actual job. I don't regret quitting even if I was due for an internal promotion; shit was toxic. It's just disheartening to get turned down for workshop after months of workshop and ghosted by recruiters/network contacts.
I know that this level of rejection is normal. My litmus for stress is low thanks to NEETdom and never trying to help myself until now. I'd love to get a degree if I could afford it or an intensive mentorship under someone who I could learn from. Sucks that opportunities like that are a pipe dream in this economy, in this mortal coil. I'm reaping what I sowed and tossing assorted seeds like mad over infertile loam.
Anonymous 103950
I don’t understand why I always have this underlying irritation towards other women that varies from indifference to annoyance/anger/envy/hate. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always be the one to cherish and celebrate my girlfriends, but at some point I start to notice the minimum flaws get under my skin. When I’m on public and I see a woman of my age who’s well presented, there’s always this thinly veiled hostility being born inside of me, like she’s “competence”. It’s like female cats: they tolerate to be around each other for some periods of time, but under the surface the hatred it’s boiling. I don’t know if this has to do with my education, my early years, my mother (I have a very good relationship with her btw) or whatever. It’s more like a feeling, not a rational thought. Or maybe that’s what I want to believe. Wish I could erase this layer that separates me and my perception from other women.
Anonymous 103967
>>103953Never been diagnosed with that. Only insomnia and chronic depression I’m treating well for now.
Anonymous 104001
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>>103830I just broke off my relationship. It just wasn’t for me and I think it was the right decision, but I lost my friend group with the breakup (no hatred, they just were friends with my ex first) and I’ve been feeling a little alone lately because of that and just kinda shitty all week since. I wish I wouldn’t feel this way, because being single is definitely better for me than continuing that in relationship, but either way it’s just been bad for my anxiety and mood
Anonymous 104006
>>104005
I just ultimately didn’t feel super attracted. They were fun as a friend I suppose but it was clear that they were far, far more interested than I was. I figured it’d be best to put an end to it before it went on too long and someone got hurt
Anonymous 104015
Good christ but i am a loathsome, bitter, incorrigible bitch. I see parents on a flight. Expensive pram. Faux name brand luggage, and Im brimming with inexplicable hate, and disgust. Why am i like this. These are normal people. These people are normal and all i want is to gouge my eyes out so i wont have to look at them. Picture of domestic perfection. One day i will settle into that mold like a prime fucking heffer.
I am ashamed and embarrassed of my misanthropy. I want to enjoy life but i just keep spewing vitriol, unwarranted. A childhood friend of mine is in Harvard medical school. I hate this so goddamn much. I hate who i am. Ive always hated who i was. And always hated that time and circumstance would correct my course, but im worse and worse every day.
Anonymous 104017
Has anyone else lost their early 20s to ptsd? Im talking age 19-22 lost to literally rotting doing nothing but scrolling imageboards, not even playing video games
Anonymous 104025
>>104006>theyWhat, was she some "non-binary" moron or something?
Anonymous 104030
>>104025actually yes, lol. I’m not as gender critical as some nonas on here but I’m not going to lie it probably influenced me losing attraction. I love it when women don’t conform to gender roles but she/they was so extra about it and it was a huge part of her personality - it was just annoying.
Anonymous 104032
>>104017yeah I did this, because of ptsd from childhood things as well as the pandemic making me borderline agoraphobic. This year I have been coming out of my shell a lot and have started to go to board game shops and making friends and hanging out on the weekends. It’s been hard but rewarding! A lot of the people I have been interacting with are nerdy moids but usually they’re nice enough, I think the fact that they’re shy around women makes them so much more tolerable. There are women there too but I haven’t made any good friends with them so far. Baby steps nona, you will get there you just have to force yourself out in public scenarios and it will get easier over time
Anonymous 104033
YOU HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU HATE AND THE SECOND THEY'RE OUT OF THE ROOM YOU WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT EVERY IMPERFECTION THEY HAVE
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SOLIDARITY IS THAT
YOU WERE BORN A BITCH AND YOU'LL DIE A BITCH YOU SCUM
Anonymous 104034
I'm having a really bad depression day and I know if I just force myself to get out of bed and make some tea or coffee I'll feel better, but I just don't have the energy to beat it back. There's so much I feel like I should do, celebrate my last few days of true freedom before going back to work but I can't move, can't sleep, can't do anything but lay here and feel as if I'm wasting away
Anonymous 104041
I wish my parents never immigrated to the US. I'm not sure if life would be much better in my homeland, but I know for certain I'm not happy here. At least over there I wouldn't face any racism.
Anonymous 104043
im madly in love with a moid and he is well aware of this fact because i tell him all the time straight up. he knows my feelings very well, thats just our dynamic, but the feeling isnt mutual. he told me he would always love me but “maybe not in the way that i want”. im thankful to be his very close friend but it hurts ive never loved someone before him and i dont think i could love someone after him either. im going to witness him meet a new girl one day snd ill watch him make her his girlfriend and ill watch them get married and hsve kids and its just like damn why did it have to be this way
Anonymous 104045
Thinking up research topics for a thesis is harder than I expected. Hope the idea I had for months isn't going to change further down the line
Anonymous 104047
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>mfw jobless brother judges me for not helping our mum with cooking
I won't pretend I'm not a lazy arse but he's literally jobless.
If he really wanted to help her out and take work off her shoulders so she can relax more, he could just take over all the household chores since he's got all the time in the world instead of sitting in front of his computer 90% of the day. He only makes meals for himself and judges me for being a burden on our mum. If he really cared about her, why does he never cook an additional portion just for her? Why does he think it's my responsibility and not his?
Anonymous 104048
>>104047because your brother is retarded. next time he judges you, you should tear into him for his retardation
Anonymous 104049
>>103830i’ve been five months clean off of drugs am i’m about to buy drugs again. i’m so disappointed in myself but i just can’t deal with the stress i’ve been going through lately. i’m just self isolating now and hoping i can just get high every few days like i used to. i was managing everything but i’m just at my breaking point today, i was trying to be empathetic towards a friend and i got told off i literally got told off by everyone for “caring too much” are you fucking shitting me. there’s nothing more to it too. god i hate being retarded. either i’m too mean spirited or im too naive and nice. i value my friends more than myself to an unhealthy point all i care about is not losing my friends and then i get told off for that? i just don’t wanna deal with it anymore, i can’t. i literally cannot deal with it anymore
the only thing i can bring myself to do is get high i tried my best to stay clean i feel like a failure.
Anonymous 104054
can you stop making posts where you larp as me venting about being cheated on. im sorry youre so ghetto looking you derive pleasure from stuff like that. seriously move on with your life.
Anonymous 104073
Creepy obsessed neighbours are so gross, people like that should be homeless
Anonymous 104079
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I think I've had depression for most of my life and that's why I don't get better.
I remember being really pessimist and hateful as a child, as I teen I used to self harm and be suicidal, I stopped once I leave highschool since that environment was toxic for me and I got better, however there were still moments I wanted to die or hated my body.
I had a good year in college but then pandemic happened and I spent 3 years doing nothing, I have few friends that I rarely see, I've gotten used to never leaving my room or my house, being terminally online, I keep crying really easily, I keep getting sad whenever I think if I'll get a boyfriend or not, I'm still struggling to find a job.
I don't know probably I've never been able to feel better since I don't know how to live without feeling like garbage all the time, I've been to therapy multiple times and I was once medicated as a teen but I don't feel like it did anything to me, every time I think I've gotten over it I have another mental breakdown.
Anonymous 104080
>>104079Just get more online friends or start using imageboards like this one to socialize.
Anonymous 104084
just embarrassed myself at the register today and spilled my purse everywhere. noone even helped they just stared at me in contempt
Anonymous 104086
>>104080That's the worst piece of advice you could possibly give.
Imageboard users are nothing but insane lunatics
Anonymous 104094
My mumsnet accounts are CONSTANTLY being deleted, does not matter how good of a citizen I am on there, they remove me in a matter of days.
My crime this time? Posting that I used to model. Mods are jealous and bitter.
Anonymous 104095
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sometimes i feel like i'm living life wrong.
like, everything that i should have done in life to get a regular life i just threw it all away, and now it is a lot of hassles to just do the things that give me the regular life i have in my head
Anonymous 104101
When I don't have enough sleep I become irritable, angsty, judgemental and passive aggressive. When I had enough sleep I'm calm and nice. I didn't know why I used to feel bad but I think I found the culprit. Lol
Anonymous 104108
I cant say this shit on r*ddit, and I suspect nonas here are blackpilled enough to know what im talking about so yeah maybe im screaming into the void but i need the catharsis.
For fuck’s sake for fuck’s fucking sake do not let yourself be coerced into a relationship with a brown moid. Do not. These scrotes are trash. They are walking fucking bags of saggy, hairy, semen encrusted flesh. They are soulless husks. They are rats, all of them, who scurry about ruining good women and turning them into their maids. For fuck’s sake every time i see a white girl meekly serving some oompa loompa looking fuck I am filled with such sadness for her. This isn’t a case of “leave our men alone”. This is a case of arab/muslim/brown girls being taught at their mothers’ knees that men are trash and should never be trusted fully. Are white girls devoid of such survival instinct? Fuck. If i see one more girl sopping wet and turning into a housemaid for some neanderthal looking caveman fuck i will rampage.
Anonymous 104114
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I feel the same way I felt 10 years ago. I wish things would change. Even with my environment changing for the better, mentally I am still the same. Its agonizing.
Anonymous 104115
>>103834>want to be a man>posts on a women's only boardHmmm…
Anonymous 104121
>>103861nta but this guy looks like skinny george costanza
Anonymous 104123
>>104115She would still be biologically female, and thus is still allowed to post here. I’m pretty sure that the mods said that TiFs can post here even if they pass as a boy.
Anonymous 104126
how the fuck do i cope with the fact that the people who did illegal shit against me got away with it? why is any of this shit real life? how do i not hate people.
Anonymous 104145
>play an MMO for 10 years since i love the franchise in general
>reboot akin to what FFXIV got comes out
>while said reboot had problems and have been fixing them (albeit slowly) it's been okay somewhat
>whenever i try to talk with other people about the game it turns into nonstop screeching about no content even though it isnt true or that it doesnt count
>even though the state of the game pre rebooting was actually much worse but people like to memoryhole the shitstorms during that time for some reason
>this is all much worse ever since the game got the global version
>in addition to the nonstop schizophrenia, i have to hear about some tranny community manager they hired from 4chan having beef with some other influencer
>almost everyone else in the community actively hates the game and wont stop playing it, despite the game pretty much working like ff14 where they actively encourage you to not no life if there isnt anything to do/if you dont want to play it for a while
I'm not saying alot of the bitching isn't justified, the game still has massive problems but i'm really annoyed at how you can't really enjoy things without schizophrenic screeching anymore
Anonymous 104153
>>104145what mmo Nona? those are my fav kind of games
Anonymous 104156
>>104153Phantasy star online 2 new Genesis. Had played the original PSO2 since closed beta and played PSO1 and phantasy star universe the decade or so prior
Anonymous 104168
Guy I obsess over like a creep has been talking to this cuter woman.
Anonymous 104170
>>104145huh? as an avid XIV player, how does it encourage you to no-life the game? yoshi-p has long gaps in between expacs so people can take breaks.
Anonymous 104171
>>104170nta but she said to “not no-life”
Anonymous 104172
Having the worst week of my life. I have 3 exams this week. I had a professor remove 10 marks off of an assignment for “not naming the file properly” but I had no choice but to rename the files because I downloaded the file because she had two files with the same name. Failed a following quiz and I’m just not invested anymore. Two of my other professors are being snarky when I ask questions so I don’t plan on asking any more for the rest of the semester.
My roommates annoy me.
My mom needs to fuck off.
My laptop charger broke and I lost my ID so I had to pay $100 for that and my new job’s opening date got pushed back a month.
Anonymous 104173
I have the urge to talk to her again, but it’s probably for the better. Not like I can reach her right now anyway.
Anonymous 104176
>>104171holy shit i’m illiterate sorry s
Anonymous 104180
My mom booked me a flight home without asking me again.
Anonymous 104189
I wish my post didn't get deleted. I'm not even sure what rule it broke to deserve deletion.
Anonymous 104199
I think my boyfriend has a thing for a girl that he used to be friends with but I don’t know how to approach it.
It started when he was going to send me something on instagram and I saw her namn pop up and asked who that was. He told me it was an old friend he met on our second date when we went second hand shopping and that she texted him happy easter afterwards.
He also follows her podcast and has liked EVERY picture since easter but hasn’t commented.
He has also hinted at talking about her to his friends when he told me one of his friends told him that she was christian.
It makes me sick to my stomach and it makes me want to cry.
Anonymous 104200
>>104199He’s also okay with me using his phone so I don’t think he’s hiding anything from me.
Anonymous 104204
My boss brings awesome pastries to the office. I usually bring donuts from down the street. While the two old Hispanic ladies bring terrible mexican cookies. Which half the time are weird knockoff versions of American cookies.
Anonymous 104213
I need to quit reddit. It's compulsive at this point.. the scrolling. Like im so lonely, I'll settle for tap-tap-tapping downwards, downwards, downwards just so I can feel some semblance of connection and community. I despise 80% of the takes that I see. At this point Im motivated by morbid curiosity. BUt it's poisonous. It might feel like im getting dripfed a version of reality by proxy, but that's not what real life feels like and online is hardly a suitable substitute. Besides, it's rife with doompilled fucks now. I do NOT need more cynicism on my plate. It's people venting about the job market and whatnot, but FOR FUCK'S FUCKING SAKE stop trying to construct an overarching outlook on life based on present hardship. "Most people don't make it" some asinine fuck types sagely. And? And? AND? Unless you're going to shoot me in the face after imparting this nugget of wisdom, fucking withhold it. DO you suggest we all just lie in a trench somewhere and do nothing? MY FUCKING CHRIST, you are so wise and bigheaded and smAHT because you recognized that life is le hard and le implacable and le unfair. Fuck you. Ram that doompill up your fissured ass.
Anonymous 104216
Was I wrong to report her for benefits fraud? I know full well that she is feigning a disability to collect benefits.
This particular crime costs the taxpayers £100m per year.
Anonymous 104217
I made an innocent comment during lunch about my childhood dream career being Aviation. I know now as I knew then that it was a pipe dream because I’m vertically challenged. Besides, getting a pilot’s license from a private academy was a money sink, and public aviation cursus required one to sign away their civil rights for a decade and some change in the military. It was just a little fun comment anyways, and I never feel wistful or bitter about it because it was never meant to be.
My mother launches on this tirade about me being so short because I’d spent most of my formative years wasting away at a desk studying and reading. That’s not a sound observation. I’m short because she’s short as was my grandmother as was her mother before her. It’s just genetics. But my mother’s so caught up in this emotional whirlwind, and she concludes “and at the end, your academics didn’t amount to anything.”
This struck me as ludicrous because: A. This is something I would profess about myself because I’m depressed and dissatisfied with my performance and with my life. B. She was the one who pushed me to bury my head in textbooks because she believed in the archaic social mobility model. C. On an objective scale, I did not fail. I graduated on time with a degree and internships and friendships and a network. I did not miss a single milestone. However since she’d always pushed me to excel, the fact that I underachieved is a defacto failure.
I said as much and she just quieted. It bothers me that she can think this way. It’s one thing for ME to think this way, because I can always dismiss these thoughts as irrational depressive rantings. But for her to validate it? It give credence to these tormenting ideas.
Anonymous 104229
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Recently I've been feeling like I'm some "perpetually blank slate" human. Even if life isn't a checkbox, there are unarguably checks 99% of people have had checked or should eventually. Some of them off the top of my head would be:
☐ Having a personality - like being interesting to talk to. I'm seeing more people than ever not caring about what I say, who I am, or what I've done. My presence and personal value that was already atomic is now subatomic.
☐ A support network
☐ Decent intelligence, with decent ability to think critically and discuss at least semi-complex topics (I'm graduating college and still won't have this. Embarrassing.)
☐ Romantic and sexual experience. Kinda crazy to think how even most of those more socially inhibited than me have some. I used to be part of a forum full of people with severe social anxiety, where even there most people had some form of real experience - even if just online LDRs. Even most women here seem to have actually dated someone, at some point - even if just some 4chan scrote they've only seen through webcam.
☐ Going off the other point, I absolutely can't form any kind of substantial human connections. I haven't even said anymore more than "Hello" to my roommate since she moved in. I stop talking to anyone I don't see on a consistent, in-person basis. I went from being a person who had a dozen online friends, but no in-person ones, to someone who only ever calls my mom or dad.
☐ Dreams, goals, hobbies. Well I had those too and pursued them relentlessly, but now due to a variety of circumstances ended up screwing myself over because of doing so. I guess I have to be a hamster in a wheel or else it's over.
☐ Independence/mobility, being an adult..even if only in just appearance. I still get driven around everywhere by my family because of not being able to drive. Most of my peers are or have already long permanently moved several towns away. They are or have already long started stable careers. I'm graduating but looking at being unemployed in my field for awhile. Even if I did I'd continue being too non-existant, around peers that have completely decked-out LinkedIn profiles, doing research for professors, being in three different clubs and being VP in at least one, group photos everywhere, "Great job! I know you're going places!" by professors and recruiters in the comments, etc.
Basically, I have just evolved into the ultimate ghost - floating aimlessly, and coming and going with no trace of my existance anywhere. Other than social media's data servers I guess. My only wish was to live averagely yet I can't even manage averagely doing or averagely having any of those. Maybe living so reclusively is some subconscious attempt to hide how shit and dull I am. Because at this point I'm someone who would either just bore someone to tears or cringe at how naive and unintelligent I really am.
Anonymous 104230
>>104217I didn't realise there were minimum height requirements - I've heard that being too tall is a problem but never being too short.
Also wtf
>Mother is mad because you spent too many years studying and reading (which we all know stunts growth worse than cigarettes)>Mother is also mad because you (according to her) didn't study enough and get a perfect GPAThat's rough nona. It's normal (I think) to feel like you've "failed" every now and again, that feeling kicks us into action and prevents complacency; it seems like you're aware of this which is good. I'm sorry your mother is using you as an emotional punching bag.
P.S. You write well; I like your choice of vocabulary, and your paragraphs are cogent. I'm sure you know you write well, but hopefully someone validating this thought will bring you a little joy.
Anonymous 104238
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>>104229Don't worry, you're (unfortunately) perfectly normal individual in today's environment. You are however self-aware enough to identify these issues and compare it with how an ideal person should behave. I have fallen down this depressive spell quite a bit by comparing myself to my peers, my friends, on Instagram and social media, how they have better lives and I'm just a background character in someone's else movie. It took a while to realize almost everyone is like this, most spend time on their phones, focuses on meaningless pop culture news, does things only to show off on social media. It's not to justify that "oh everyone is mediocre so why bother trying", its to put you at ease with normalcy - there's nothing wrong with being a blank slate, it means you can fill it however you want.
Anonymous 104239
i spend all my money buying expensive clothes makeup hair bags but its all pointless because i have no friends to go out with and im scared to go out by myself. i wish i could be one of the social girls who go to parties with their friends. i have no idea why people say “university is the best 4 years of your life” because all i do is sit alone at home after class. im in my 2nd year and nothing has changed
Anonymous 104240
There's a very cute boy in uni. I caught him staring at me the first day of class and we locked eyes once in class; he sits a few rows in front of me. I try my best not to stare at him but I like to think he sneaks glances at me sometimes. He makes class a bit more interesting
Anonymous 104245
>>104216Congrats, you are a certified Karen corpohomo regime enabler! 22 social credits have been deposited to your biometric ID chip. We at shlomocorp know it is a hard decision to sell out your fellow people, so we hope these points will encourage you to continue offering your fealty to US.
Anonymous 104259
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>>104238Thanks. However I do feel the issue goes beyond mediocrity since I mentioned:
>My only wish was to live averagely yet I can't even manage averagely doing or averagely having any of those.It is hard to explain, but somehow I feel like a being with no thought process, not a single thing or person that ties or grounds me anywhere, no tangible way to have made myself even slightly dissimilar at least in the way everybody else is. I think back to Will Smith's quote (And yes say what you want about him, but it's a good quote) "If you're not making someone else's life better, then you're wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better." I suppose, then, that it's impact I feel like I need. I'm all about pragmatism, so living a pointless life is a huge no. I decided not to go to a prestigous uni, because "didn't need it". I decided I'm not interested in the idea of fame and celebrityhood, because "didn't need it". I decided not to pursue any job choice where my true passions lay because I staunchly believe that passion is overrated and professionally detrimental in its own way. However, I have nothing to show in any other way either. In not being incompetent, in being a charismatic person even if just BS'ing (Which people still care more about that someone that tries to not be seen or heard),
>I'm just a background character in someone's else movieThis is how I've always lived as well. I will surely go out like I was never even alive at all. The only reason I don't an hero is BECAUSE it doesn't make a difference.
>>104230>That's rough nona. It's normal (I think) to feel like you've "failed" every now and again, that feeling kicks us into action and prevents complacency; it seems like you're aware of this which is good. I'm sorry your mother is using you as an emotional punching bag.
>P.S. You write well; I like your choice of vocabulary, and your paragraphs are cogent. I'm sure you know you write well, but hopefully someone validating this thought will bring you a little joy.Obviously NTAYRT and know you probably didn't mean it, but just wanted to say this also felt like a slap in the face because I also have a mother who has always used me as an emotional punching bag like anon and, coincidentally, have been told my whole life that I write well. I only ever had this one real skill that I've ever been noticed for, for but now have no where to put it or no one to care either. With how inept I've always been at every little thing, I feel like I will truly only be cursed to look on at the sidelines at people who live the life I want to live or stay silent the moment someone right next to me starts talking about how much they like writing.
Anonymous 104263
Latino men can be very attractive, but most of them are ghetto misogynistic trash. There are no respectable males in my family except for my uncles that come from an older generation where they respect their wives, love their children, work hard and love to cook. Too bad they sacrificed so much for their sons only for them to turn out to be misogynistic pedo scum that will never amount to anything. It's hilarious watching my male cousins get older, bloat, still live with their parents and never getting married lmao. They deserve it. I wish much luck to my female cousins tho
Anonymous 104267
empty-boat-on-the-…
>>104259Do you feel an emptiness inside as like nothing has happened in your life, nothing to show for, and nothing is gonna happen ever? Feelings of wasted potential, forgotten dreams, living without a purpose… Like you have not grown at all in years, while the rest of the world moves ahead, and you're left behind. Not even moving forwards but regressing inside yourself (used to have friends but now can't even have conversation with your roommate). Its when days blend one onto next into a bland routine and nothing's changed, you haven't mattered at all. To anyone, or anything. I've had feelings like them, sometimes strong, some days they mellow out, but the feeling's there. Sometimes it feels why even bother trying, I have nothing to add to someone's day, nothing meaningful to talk or even contribute a work. Im useless and even if I try I'm only a bother to others. Merely a shadow existing without fruition.
>I staunchly believe that passion is overratedI wonder how you got this thinking. Is it from the hobbies you used to pursue? Pragmatism is good but you can't live on logic alone.
Anonymous 104274
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>>104267
>Do you feel an emptiness inside as like nothing has happened in your life, nothing to show for, and nothing is gonna happen ever? Feelings of wasted potential, forgotten dreams, living without a purpose… Like you have not grown at all in years, while the rest of the world moves ahead, and you're left behind.Yes. There have been times I've been taken aback thinking about how radically different my life had become, just from things like moving from place A to B and from school A to B, but I've spent the last several years in the same town, in the same musty apartment room and school. Just going to class, work, and back. And yet throughout that time my stepbrother and cousin have both gotten married and had children, I lost both my maternal grandparents and my last living paternal grandparent, the friend that used to be closest to me in high school got engaged, etc. I remain in one place but still end up feeling the weight of transience around me.
There's an important milestone I should be approaching soon, my graduation, and I have no plans to either attend my ceremony or even so much as take a photo. Or do literally anything to immortalize it, other than just grab my degree and leaving. That's what I did in high school (No yearbook or senior trip either, despite literally 99% of my graduating class getting one and going on one) and that's what I'll likely do now. Even if I've worked 10x as hard for my degree than I ever did for my diploma. To be fair, I'm far from sentimental and don't really like "celebrating" anything. Not even my own birthday. Just one night ordering a bunch of Mexican food and watching TV, and I'm good. Though I do sometimes wish I could treat the fruit of my efforts better…I move through life so apathetically at this point that no success feels like any success. I probably haven't been "happy" since I was 6 years old. If I won the lottery, I'd probably just go to sleep and then forget about it.
>I wonder how you got this thinking. Is it from the hobbies you used to pursue? Pragmatism is good but you can't live on logic alone.Yes. All these:
>Creative Writing>Translating>Languages in general>Philosophyhave no real future. At least not by themselves. Yet coincidentally are the only things I would have been passionate in, for a post-secondary education. I know I can live by having them as a hobby and I've realized I don't really mind having them as more than that though, so I think it's okay. I have interest in the STEM field I'm in too, and am not wholely bored by it, but I'll just never be one of those people to go so far as be passionate about it. My mind is pragmatic, but it's not exactly logically-wired as the one of someone who is meant for STEM.
Anonymous 104275
I’m a lesbian. I only recently came to terms with this in my mind about a week ago after being in denial about it for about 2 years. I’ve forced myself to like men for so long but I can’t hide how I feel anymore. surprisingly, my dad is quite supportive of gay people and him and my older brother have always suspected that I’m lesbian but my mum on the other hand has told me before that if I was ever lesbian she’d be disappointed because to her it’d mean I wouldn’t be able to have biological kids meaning she wouldn’t have grandchildren when that isn’t true at all. It terrifies the fuck out of me honestly, I don’t want to have to hide who I am but I also don’t want to be a disappointment to my mum. but I also think it’s so unfair and selfish to only think about yourself and what you want instead of your daughter when it’s literally her life. I can’t keep forcing myself to like men either, every time I picture myself being romantic with a man I just cringe.
Anonymous 104278
i really want to get a new job. but the workplace bullying i experienced at one of my old jobs and the overall experience of working fast food has made me afraid of getting a new job. i know i won't be able to focus 100% at a job because i have lupus and i'm a full time STEM student.
i was considering a stocking job or something like that but i'm honestly afraid of being a fuck-up. my confidence is beyond repair.
Anonymous 104280
I graduated like a year ago with a computer information science degree, and I still haven't found a job yet. It's my own fault, I never took any internships and I don't have any real work experience out side of class, but I was supposed to graduate during the height of covid and I couldn't find any internships. I feel like I fucked my whole life up. It genuinely feels like there aren't any jobs to apply to that aren't looking for people with years of experience. I wrote my resume to talk myself up but in interviews I always bomb the shit out of them. Am I really so retarded?
My mom told me I should probably just find a retail job for now and I think she's right, but I don't wanna apply for retail because to me it feels like once I go into retail I'm never coming out of it. I know that's not necessarily true but I can't believe any of this happened. I even applied for low level office jobs. I can't find anything right now. I'm so ashamed of myself, I kinda wanna throw myself in the river. I know that sounds like shitty suicidebaiting but Idk how else to desrcibe this feeling. Is this all I've been fighting for? I fought 25 years of my life to get good grades despite my poor health, I fought to go to school through abhorrent sexual harassment and harassment from my peers, just so I could go work at a department store? Why didn't I drop out when I was sixteen? Why did I test to get into a good state school? Why did I fight for this? Who am I fighting for? I don't have any boyfriend I wanna move in with or get married to. I don't have any kids. I don't have any goals in life. Have I really just been fighting for myself? But I don't give a shit about myself. Why did I do all this work? I know it was so I could make a 'comfortable living', but I don't even have anything I want.
I know that if I'm thinking like this, it should be no big deal, just go back to working at mcdonalds like I used to inbetween semesters but… I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I really am just a lazy piece of shit. Maybe the reason I haven't found a job is because I've been secretly self-sabotaging. Maybe I've been looking for a reason to give up. I don't think this was the reason a few months ago. A few months ago I was trying my heart out. But I'm so tired. I just wanna give up on everything. I'm fighting and fighting but I don't even know why I'm fighting. What for? I'd be fine even if they used my organs for dog food or something. I just don't wanna keep fighting to barely stay alive.
Anonymous 104281
>>104280so you'll get a retail job for now. then, when you find an entry level office job, you can quit the retail job. then, you'll find a job more adjacent to your degree. you might have to work your way up over time, but that doesn't make you a failure.
Anonymous 104283
It's against the rules, yet I wish I could vent about racism. There's already so few places where I can talk about my feelings and struggles, so it's frustrating I can't vent about a big issue in my life.
Although, if discussions about race weren't banned, there would be a lot of racism on cc too, so it wouldn't be much better.
Anonymous 104286
>>104283i'm really sorry you can't vent about your experiences with racism anon :( i hope you're able to find a safe space where you're allowed to vent about it. if i ever find somewhere you're able to vent about this i will let you know <3
Anonymous 104288
>>104275im so sorry nona
i understand your pain and my mom has said the same thing in regards to me being a lesbian. if u havent already, i think you should speak to her if you can (and its safe to do so). she’ll eventually get over it if she truly cares about you, which im sure she does. you can also always reassure her that there are other options and that may make things play out smoother/give her time to settle into the idea of not having biological grandkids, even if you dont intend on having any at all. no matter what though, u deserve love and happiness and you are no less worthy for being lesbian and/or not having children. <3
Anonymous 104293
>>104280I did a Software Engineering internship, convinced it was going to help me on the job search later, and it isn't. Granted I got a return offer from it that I didn't take, so maybe that's why, but so didn't alot of people I'm seeing that did the internship with me and they're finding other places…
>I feel like I fucked my whole life up. It genuinely feels like there aren't any jobs to apply to that aren't looking for people with years of experience. I wrote my resume to talk myself up but in interviews I always bomb the shit out of them. Am I really so retarded? That's how I feel too. I am getting to online assessments occasionally but I can't pass those because it's like I've forgotten to code at all. Right now I know that's what's standing between the way of me and an offer, but the good thing is that's something less personality-driven and more study-driven. I'm planning to work on projects to pad my resume, too. If you're in the same boat, we just have to "hobby" this too for awhile.
Anonymous 104297
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It's been bugging for me awhile, I feel like one of my friends has turned into an asshole. He expressed disinterest in talking to me almost the entire time after we graduated high school and while attening the same university, then suddenly called me a few months back to extend a job offer because I'm a woman and his company was looking for a diversity hire. He even invited me to hang out, but again, this sudden behavior has come off really suspicious… And I can't help but feel there is a subtle obnoxiousness in the way he communicates now. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he kind of seems to talk like a prick. He asks me repeated questions to things I've already answered, just gave me a "😅" for telling him I don't drive, still doesn't show genuine interest in talking with me.. All signs of narcissists I've dealt with repeatedly. With them, there was also always this nagging feeling like I was being covertly looked down on and laughed at even, from the most minor remarks they would make. And he used to be a really nice guy in high school, so it's a shame if he's turned into one of those.
Anonymous 104299
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i went back to live with my parents and my suicidal thoughts are getting more intense day by day and i'm always acting hysterical and am always mad
Anonymous 104302
>>103830Anyone here had success leaving their 3rd world shithole? I really want to go to university but it's so expensive here and the public ones keep making protests because the government never pays the teachers so everyone ends up graduating 6-8 years after getting in. I can't leave my house with my phone because someone will steal it, I can't dress well because someone will attack me and steal my shoes, jacket, etc. The whole country has a mentality that if you get robbed it was your fault, because you can't just exist, you need to pay attention to everything everywhere you go in order to prevent getting robbed/killed/raped. I live in a small town and the city next to me ranks top 50 most dangerous cities in the world, and it's gotten 'better' because before that it landed in the top 5. I feel like there is no hope for me and I can't escape from here. I just want to at least be able to listen to music with headphones at the park without the constant fear of getting robbed. If anyone was in thw same situation and was able to get out please share your experience, I really need hope right now
Anonymous 104304
>>104302South America?
I feel for you.
One way to do it is to go full weeb (Japan or any other country you want to go to). Learn the language aggressively, make friends over there (online games is a good way), take the official language test, join the newsletters and cultural events organized by the embassy, lurk the expat community for jobs and events etc. And look up ways to join university over there (mostly free in Europe).
It's a 1 to 2 year plan.
Anonymous 104313
>>104304Thank you so much for your advice and yes I live in South America (L). I don't play videogames but I'll give it a try since it sounds like a good idea to immerse myself in the language, do you have any recommendations? I would like to learn German and I've been trying by lurking on r/de and using the Google translator lol. I know it sounds impractical but that's mainly how I taught myself English. Also I doubt it's going to be possible for me to join an European university since I did very bad in school, I had to repeat a year, my grades were so bad I graduated highschool barely scrapping by, etc.
Anonymous 104314
>>104306
South America :( and no, you're right. It's going to be hard but in the end it's not so bad. There is this exam here that is like the SATs and I had a mediocre score but it's good enough to get me into public university. I'm starting a new job in October that pays two minimum wages and a little more so I'm thinking of saving up to move to the city the university I'm going to apply to is at. I never considered overseas grad school but you're so right! It's such a good idea and another reason for me to go to university. Thank you sm<3
Anonymous 104316
>>104288thank you nona!! I’m planning on coming out to my dad first since he is way more supportive than my mum. and hopefully when I come out to my mum, my dad will talk to her and help her to understand. I hope your mum has gotten over it too and if not I hope both of our mothers are eventually able to finally accept us for who we are :) all the love to you <33
Anonymous 104318
>>104299I wish I had words to help you . I hope your day's go better soon.
Anonymous 104319
>>104317I'm depressed. The depression has fucked with my attention span. I've picked terrible habits to cope with the sudden, unpredictable surge of darkness crippling my perception. When that chasm opens my propensity for rotting away is the default mode. Cognitively it's worse. I hop from thought to thought scattered, disorganized. Do you know the executive process? You have a problem. You observe, analyze, research, construct careful proto-conclusions, build a solution, carry it out. Simple. Primordial. I don't have that. I mean I had that. Now I don't.
I'm like a wagon, perpetually entrenching itself deeper in the mud. When you're in a depressive episode, and your brain slows down, and colors look muted, and you could barely stand your own presence, and you just yield to the comforts of the internet, and your brain (already retarded) oxydises itself into the mold of retardation that would render you incapable even of remembering a basic formula from FUCKING KIDDIE ALGEBRA WHICH YOU'D APPLIED A MILLION TIMES SINCE YOU WERE 12.
Anonymous 104321
i talked to my ex yesterday, we had been hanging out for like two weeks. it started when he asked me to talk because he needed to get some things off his chest, just, about how he never felt enough and things like that. we started arguing but were able to make up, few days later he kissed me, we started seeing eachother more and talked about trying again. but then i got really drunk at a party and he wanted to take care of me, and he couldnt, he started acting mean and it was just messy. the next day he came to my house and apologized, which was something i didnt expect from hik, we ended up arguing and saying its better if we stop trying, then we agreed on waiting a bit more before stopping. butesterday we pu an ending to it. he said he couldnt take care of me and that he came back impulsevely. he actually apologized, for a lot of things, which i didnt expect, it was new of him. its a shame it didnt work out again. it feels like going throught the break up all over again.and i cant help but feel extreme yearning, all of my feelings for him came back like whiplash and just as quick im having to grieve all over again.
Anonymous 104322
>>104302You can also find an Italian or an Irish grandparent in your genealogy. Some countries don't require more than that to give citizenship, and if you get it, you can access the whole European Union.
Anonymous 104323
I hate that everything I enjoy and want are things that society tells me aren’t what I should be doing.
Oh you like to dress comfortable and hate makeup? You will be seen as a tomboy at best and a lazy pothead at worst. You enjoy your job with kids and don’t want to get a college degree? Enjoy poverty. Oh you aren’t religious? Sucks to suck I guess your parents are gonna cut you off.
There’s no sense in yelling about it I know. But fuck, I’m just trying to be happy and life seems to punish me for not conforming at every turn. I just want to live my life, I abhor how much other people care about the “”status quo””
Anonymous 104324
>>104302Sounds like Argentina. Italy basically gives citizenship like candy. Check if you have at least 1 italian grandparent or great grandfather. You would be surprised.
Anonymous 104325
>>104319I've been there. I empathize with you. I too detest the emotional upheaval depressive thoughts bring. You can't consent to contemplation, the need to extricate and extract is inevitable and what you glean from your ruminations can never exist as something cohesive, it always presents itself as a separate unit, divorced from the greater whole. You begin to feel like a leaf in the wind.
But it's going to be alright, there were times in my life where I was quite close to ending it all, I had no friends, no family and no relationships that I could look upon and consider worth salvaging.
That wagon analogy is quite pertinent, it never does feel like you'll get out of the mud. It's like every value you worked hard to attain, every pure emotion you felt, its all being sucked into this uncaring, ceaseless void. Your point on algebra is something I feel deep in my heart, I'll sometimes forget properly express myself in my native language, I forget where I live or what route to take despite having traveled through these roads a million times myself. It's tiring and the consistent gauntlet of failures depletes your desire to make something of yourself. I hate it, I hate it so much. But everyday I force myself to hold onto one positive thought. Something that isn't contaminated by my rigorous armchair psychoanalysis and that carries me over for the day.
Reading helped a great deal. Having to mentally follow the thought process of another person allowed me to escape this wretched shell of poisonous introspection and begin to mediate on things that were outside my own realm of experience. I don't mean to talk down to you, when you've gone through similar emotions you feel compelled to help another, even if its means restating things they already knew. I hope you get better nona, I am rooting for you.
Anonymous 104328
>>104324Thanks but no white ppl in my family so I can't go for that route sadly. I think my only way out is education even though it takes too long and if I'm lucky I'll graduate when I'm like 25 lol
Anonymous 104344
I've been feeling pretty bad about my appearance lately. I just want to look presentable but it's a such a struggle and not to mention a money sink. Skincare and treatments cost a lot. Getting nails done every two weeks costs a lot. Maintaining curly hair costs a lot. Clothes are so fucking expensive now. I don't even shop from designer brands but a fucking shirt from Uniqlo is somehow $40 now.
Anonymous 104345
>>104332
Are you talking AFK or on screen?
Anonymous 104351
>>104345 both, but more online than in real life. I ahead an episode a while back and had to go to a mental health facility. they put me in what was supposed to be the women’s side but there was an AGP patient sitting there watching all the women there.
Anonymous 104359
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>>104274Congratulations on your upcoming graduation nona! Even if you don't feel like it, its an achievement with many more to come forward. It's only a start to the new wide world. You may tie up some few ends in your college. Maybe meet up with your roommate and say "Hey sorry we never talked a lot but thank you for all these times, you gave me assurance that someone is with me". It's awkward for sure, but it would give you (and your roommate) some closure to your time together.
I kinda get the feeling like the changes in your life are happening to you, as opposed to you actively making that change happen. Everybody needs some agency in life, something to make them feel as a part of this world. Some would say it's "validation" as if it's a bad thing (its only bad when you start chasing it) but it's a needed stimuli.
The hobbies you mentioned have a degree of creative thinking. Like a bit on logical pathfinder and a bit of emotion flair . But what you said is true - theres no career on them. They help in various ways in other applications.
>Never wanted to celebrate my birthday. Just Mexican foodWell that's a celebration in itself. It's normal to grow out of birthdays, but, please don't take it the wrong way, I'm feeling as though you haven't experienced a celebration (big or small) and slowly hardened into not celebrating anything. It's one thing to have celebrations in past and have realized their pointlessness, and another to have been deprived and defining them as pointless. I don't know if that's how it came to be, I'm just throwing stuff that comes to my mind.
Anonymous 104360
>>104280The job market has been decimated for years. Recruiters have no idea how to hire the correct person for a job and just list out insane requirements to filter out candidates. Its also why compsci put every software as an experience in their resume. Don't worry and don't stop trying. You might have to job hop a lot before you land on a good place.
Anonymous 104361
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>It's about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane, angry, and hurt your feelings.
I'd rather kms than live that life.
Anonymous 104362
>>104360This. Also she should lie on her resume and say she has two years intern experience. Write a friend's phone number as your referral, get them to lie on your behalf and you lie on theirs. This way you avoid having to do 700+ days of unpaid labour.
Anonymous 104369
I struggle with my sexuality so much, I try to push away my desires for women, so much that it feels like I’m ripping away apart of my insides. Like I have to pluck parts of my heart away to prevent my thoughts. Lately I can’t stop thinking about how at one of my old jobs, one of my coworkers (who is a heavily family influenced mormon that’s engaged to some guy now), bit half of a banana from my mouth, and was ridiculously close to my lips. Giggling afterwards while I was just taken aback for a second. She had the brightest smile, she was blonde with sunkissed freckles from us working outside, part of me feels like, in another life, we would have grown so much closer. It hurts to think about. Just like how it hurts to think about the girl I was closest to in high school. We would hold hands in the hallway as a joke, I had short hair, so she would sometimes ask me if she could take pics of us together, and if I could pretend to be her boyfriend to make whatever guy of the week she liked jealous. One day she looked me in the eyes, and said, “Nona, I wish you could have been born as a guy, then you could have been my boyfriend!”, she laughed after saying that, then went back to cyberstalking moids on her phone.
I wish I felt okay with my feelings, I feel so out of control about allowing myself to feel this sense of attraction that I have towards other women. I don’t know why so much shame is instilled in me. I wish I could run away from my life and be somewhere where I feel free to exist. I just wish I could freely live my life. I feel weighed down by all the expectations I must live up to.
Anonymous 104380
Ugh I just went on my first vacation where I didn’t have to worry about anything and relax
Now I have to go back to work and take care of all the stuff piling up
I hate returning to reality. I wish I could go on vacation forever.
Anonymous 104381
I hate it when normie sex-having stacys have sex with virgin moids. It's so hypocritical.
Anonymous 104384
>>104383Because virgin guys are for virgin girls
Anonymous 104391
I have a moid friend. I'm not proud of this fact, but a few years ago when I was tapering off of Benzos and rediscovering my anxiously oriented self I developed an unhealthy relationship with him. A friendship with non platonic allusions. A long distance situationship if you will.
Unfortunately, mental unwellness attracts mental unwellness and this scrote is sporadically depressive/neurotic (just like me™). I won't toot my own horn, but I really try to contain my crazy and only actively subject myself to it. Yes it's a species of masochism, and yes my nefarious mood leaks to infect my loved ones (apparently sullen-ness is unacceptable in a group context).
With hindsight, I chalked the whole experience to an unhealthy attachment born to cope with my then present loneliness, insecurity, ect. Apparently, this consensus is lost on him. He would get stimulated by certain life changes, and when the novelty tapers off he'll go back to hyperfixating about the concept of me. Sending messages. Asking to talk. Wanting to be entertained. I found this excess of attention invasive the first time around, but there was also an undercurrent of barely curbed affection, and hard to quell guilt. When the brain rot from all the love/attention bombing finally settled in
Now he's doing this shit again. Anguish dumping, volunteering mundane tidbits of information, saying he "Can't get me off his mind".
I'm blithely disregarding every expression of affection that comes through his texts. It's viscerally disgusting to me. The memory of my heartbroken, pining ass from May is too raw for me to acknowledge his newfound interest. We had agreed that we were in love (I disagree with that sentiment now because love is something that is immune to circumstance) but that circumstances, like us being long distance, were unfavorable. Why would I humor a cunt who decided once that I wasn't enough. Someone who is so changeable he'll only gravitate to me when things are so bad mentally he needs an external tether to stabilize himself.
I'm rambling. I'm resentful. Because last year I humored him (I was inclined to, I was attached). But then it slid into such a painful mental turmoil that I have no desire to treat him in good faith anymore. To comprise the uncomplicated dynamic of friendship with the pollution of feefees. Fuck that.
Anonymous 104395
Just found out that my bf watches tranny porn and i am extremely disgusted, like actually physically ill and cant keep food down. I dont think I can continue the relationship.
Anonymous 104397
>>104395dump him. he'll just become more depraved and gross over time. I really feel for you, though. My ex casually mentioned that he went on /tttt/ when were dating, so I know the feeling
Anonymous 104428
I'm just super depressed at how my life has passed me by. I'm 26 and although I'm so much more competent than I was, I still have very stunted emotional development. I literally see clothes on forever 21 that remind me of 2010s fashion and it makes me want to cry for all the time I've missed. I avoid seeing my family because it reminds me of the past. I have severe body dysphoria and I no longer have any photos of myself. I need to get a grip and learn to cope better.
Anonymous 104429
Nonas, this is a question that used to keep me up at night.
So I grew up in a typical thirdoid muslim family. But my parents were overeducated, progressive principled idealists more than religiously conservative, so i had zero religious upbringing.
One cultural aspect they (at least my mom) did NOT discard was all the virginity/virtuousness/reputation discourse. So naturally, when my mom caught me rubbing my clit at 6 and being genuinely curious at my anatomy, she told me little girls who touch themselves there, die.
Anyways, I sort of discovered and maintained the habit of dry humping as a light non penetrative form of masturbation long before I understood exactly what masturbation/sex and its implications were. I gaslit myself into believing that what I was doing was ok because I wasn’t actually inserting anything in there. I did struggle with a lot of guilt about it, but as i grew older/became less sheltered and more exposed to just general degeneracy, i became careless and nonchalant about my little ritual. If anything it’s so sanitized and juvenile to even be considered a covert activity.
Anyways, what are the odds that my hymen’s gone bye bye. Feels kinda wistful to surrender that little piece of useless shame laden meat to the banister of my bed. But c’est la vie.
Anonymous 104433
He didn't write me a letter for my birthday this year. He tried telling me he didn't have time and they take so long to write but there's literally 365 days before my birthday every year, you can take a minute at any time to write stuff down and work on a two page letter. I wanted a letter more than anything and he just didn't do it.
He also got me a locket and I like it except it has the first letter of my name engraved on it. I never liked that kind of stuff, I wonder if I ever told him. my mom used to get me some first initial/name charms when I was young and I didn't like any of them. It's like trying to give a personalized gift with no personality, a first name basis gift that's like a nametag. I feel bad for not liking the locket, what are you even supposed to do in that case.
Anonymous 104446
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it's so cruel that I was born ugly yet unable to love anyone that isn't physically attractive so now I have to deal with the pain of being ugly, alone and the guilt for being so vain. This is worse than being a homosexual in Saudi Arabia.
Anonymous 104447
>>104433>I feel bad for not liking the locket, what are you even supposed to do in that case.Be honest and say you don't like it and explain why. Explain that you wanted a letter and why you wanted the letter. Otherwise you just keep getting the same trash over and over. If he's smart he'll write you a letter in the coming weeks.
I'm frankly sick of excessive gift-giving. I've stopped giving birthday presents in the hope that I'll stop receiving them. It has seemed to work. No more useless junk that's just going to contribute to landfill. It's a very first-world problem, but it weighs on my psyche.
Anonymous 104451
>>104433>analysing a gift this much and consequently disliking itI don't remember posting this, yet it feels like I did.
Anonymous 104455
I’ve spent the last year in a relationship despite my disdain of moids. At first it was great, he listened to me, he was interested in me, made me feel like he genuinely liked and adored me. Eventually it changed - we had a few fights, nothing crazy but he blames that for changing how he feels. He likes me less and it’s painfully obvious. We had a fight two days ago and it was the first one in a month and it was over nothing - I got upset with him for road rage. Haven’t spoken since really, right now I can hear him typing to another girl on discord a “friend”. I just want it to be over. I feel so foolish, I really opened myself up to this man and thought it was special. I just want to be alone Nonas. Genuinely. I am spent.
Anonymous 104465
I have the actual bad luck, my life is like some bizarre tragicomedy where things go just right, until the moment its going to pay off, then out of nowhere a branch falls off a tree, knocks me over, I fall and get my head trapped in a bucket then I get up and I step on a rake.
Even friends of mine have commented on it one said "normally when someone has bad luck, it's because of them, but with you, no, you just have completely random shit happen to you at the worst possible time".
Anonymous 104466
>>104465>until the moment its going to pay off, then out of nowhere a branch falls off a tree, knocks me over, I fall and get my head trapped in a bucket then I get up and I step on a rake.That's just life, it's good until something bad happens but then after that it's good again.
Anonymous 104469
>>104466The issue is the good never pays off, I am falling down 10 stairs every time, and then I might climb up 2 stairs and as soon as I start to get motivated to climb more, I fall down another 10.
Nothing has paid off for me in about 5 years and I'm in the worst position I've ever been.
Anonymous 104480
>>104200I'd urge you to reach out to him about that matter, It is concerning for you that he is showing affection to one of his past nearby friends of the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean necessarily that he harbors feelings for that past friend. You should definitely bring up that he showing this affection towards girls he knows/knews bothers you, and by pretty reasonable causes.
Anonymous 104483
feeling pretty sad tonight after a few weeks of being just fine, for some reason it hits harder. i dont want to do anything
Anonymous 104484
>>104483me too, it feels like i lost all my perspective
Anonymous 104485
Eh5SNXuXsAAaU8N.pn…
>he promises me he will hold off from jerking off until we can fuck
>he especially promises again today he's going to be good until then
>I check his porn twitter
>5 new follows, 1 new liked tweet
Should I grill and punish him or say nothing and feign ignorance? I don't know if he gooned or if he actually coomed, he's the type of coomer that can enjoy porn without jerking off every time. I just find it kinda sus that he's promised me twice now and then I found all that. I might have known when he did it and he didn't masturbate if it was when I think it was.
I'll probably have faith, I just wish it wasn't even questionable.
Anonymous 104487
>>104484sending u hugs, i just had a meltdown lol hopefully we figure it out sooner than later
Anonymous 104489
>>104485>dating a moid with a porn addictionIt was over before it began
Anonymous 104490
>>104486We have unironically talked about it and he is into the idea, the only concern is how he will pee with it on since he's uncut.
>>104488Yeah, he has a porn twitter and thinks I don't know about it but I do. I don't want him to know that I know, but I know. It's been a fun portal into his psyche, seeing what kind of a degenerate he is. I would really love it if someday he opened up to me about it. I would have left already if it was too much for me.
>>104489Considering some of my own habits, we're pretty equally yoked, nona. I also like his appearance too much and we have similar childhood traumas.
Anonymous 104496
>stress out about shitty relationship
>too stupid and depressed for school even without the stress, on the verge of dropping out
>come home
>bf just sits at his computer
>what little time we spend together is mediocre
>he gets on discord and talks to his new friends for hours
>suppose i could join the server, but i want 1:1 time and the shit they talk about is just gossip and flirting and i hate all of it anyway
>he says he wants to go out with his server friends
>"ok, can I come?"
>"no, it's just me and this girl"
>i tell him i'm not ok with him going on a date with a girl
>hourslong argument ensues
>he tries to bend my boundaries and brings up unrelated crap and tells me my boundaries are unfair and i'm controlling and shit
>i keep telling him that i will never be ok with him going on a date with a girl
>either take me with or justify why i'm not invited
>he keeps spouting bs, finishes with "so are you ok with this or do we break up because you don't trust me (:"
>repeat myself
>he comes up with some bullshit justification and half-backs out of his threat
He's my closest friend. I only have one other friend and we aren't close. I don't want to dump him and I don't want to be dumped even though it wouldn't make a difference for 27 days out of 30. I wish he got in a car accident and died so I wouldn't have to do anything or think about any of this.
Anonymous 104497
>>104496Tell him, "ok, if you want to go out with another girl, you should set me up to go out with one of your guy friends. :)" or "I should be allowed to go on a date with another guy, then".
You need to activate his own jealousy and make him realize you could cuck him at any time and he is worth about as much as roadkill if he wants to play the cheating game. Women are worth so much more than men it's not even funny. You might like him but it's his loss if he wants to leave.
That, and also you saying it's Discord friends immediately makes me question if it's even a real girl or if he's getting catfished by a troon. Then he'd REALLY be making an ass of himself, lol
Anonymous 104498
I am tired of my professor’s harsh grading. I’m barely managing my A. II have an A but it feels like she wants me to fail sometimes.
Anonymous 104500
Why does it seem like everything in the world is going to shit?
Anonymous 104504
IMG_20221225_07313…
I'm finally committing suicide. I can't deal with this anymore.
Every time it seems like I'm achieving something good, I just do something to ruin everything.
And this time I just did the most stupid thing ever, I just can't deal with this anymore.
Anonymous 104511
My 28 yo gf (I am 22) told me that she worries about loading to much on me and I feel like I am too naiv
Anonymous 104514
IMG_7692.jpeg
>>104504you probably did not do the most stupid thing ever.. you probably did a really human thing. maybe you acted on emotion or did something selfish. we are all stupid. you’re okay, we all mess up. pushbacks suck hard but the comeback is always worth it even when it doesn’t seem possible from the bottom. i hope you see better days
Anonymous 104541
>>104504Don't kill yourself. Cope by becoming a maladaptive daydreamer, like I have, but don't kill yourself. Even tricking yourself into feeling okay is better than never feeling anything and becoming trapped underground until the heat death of the universe.
Don't do it.
Anonymous 104559
>be me
>rotting away in a the n-teenth rut this year
>maybe going to the gym will uplift my mood
>run on high intensity for 5 minutes
>brain gives up faster than body
>retreat to the yoga room, practically hyperventilating with how overstimulated i got
>scroll inanely
>moid friend berating me for not answering his messages
I’m seeing red. I swear.
Anonymous 104560
e1125c7659c2255159…
>>104504It's always a bad day after another, things don't go the way you wanted no matter how much you try. The world even seems behind a stained glass, with you trapped inside a small shard, you can see others but not be a part of them. It feels like nobody understands you, but we can. What mistake did you make? It may not actually be that bad.
Anonymous 104597
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Just found out yesterday that my best friend started dating a moid who is 13 years older than her, although she had told me before that she did not approve large age gap relationships. But that's not all, she met him at some shady party less than two weeks ago.
Three weeks before I jokingly flirted with her (she's bisexual) and she harshly cut me off, saying that she is too traumatized (she has severe ptsd because of long story of abuse in her family) and not ready for relationships and intimacy. But I guess, random old moid is better than best friend who she knows for a long time.
I know, I am just being jealous, but seriously?
I'm disappointed.
Anonymous 104598
>>104597Some women will erase all their standards and contradict themselves just for the drop of male attention
Anonymous 104599
>>104598That's the point, she wasn't the type, who seeks for tiniest drops of male attention. And that makes me twice more disappointed
Anonymous 104602
>>104599I can relate.
My friend was also like that, behaved pretty much like what gendies call aroace. Until one day I was stalked by 26 year old guy who she developed a crush on and they started dating. He revealed himself to be a pedo and a huge asshole who can't commit to a relationship and constantly spends time with other girls. Whenever I ask her what she saw in him and why she tolerates it I don't get an answer, she just laughs and brushes it off.
Anonymous 104603
>>104602>stalker and pedoAnd she really started to date him?
Damn, that's harsh.
Not to be salty lonely lesbian, but sometimes OSA women make the shittiest choices ever.
However, my friend's story is similar, when I ask her to say what she found in him, she just changes topics and refuses to answer. According to her words, he's just warm, whatever that means.
>>104597Should I tell her my honest opinion on her moid and her relationship with him? She is very important for me and I don't want to lose her due to some moid. But she seems to be really attached to him and told me that she doesn't want to explain anything.
Anonymous 104604
>>104602weird. maybe she wants to live her own pedophilia vicariously through him
Anonymous 104605
>>104344Hit up Ross. Even Walmart clothes are kind of pricey to my shit budget, so I get stuff out of season at Ross instead.
Anonymous 104606
>>104603>>104604Oh, he's also very ugly. She even acknowledges that. She lost her virginity to him btw.
Anonymous 104607
I’m losing touch of who I am and worse, i have such a flimsy grasp on the reality of my situation that im unable to define a direction or implement a solution to my problems.
Ive propped my sense of selfhood against tangible concepts like my family, school, friends. Then it was depressed this and anxious that, and I was a walking fucking struggle. Every minute act i engaged in was generated by my mental instability. The little useless hyperfixations, the longings, the thoughts.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. My brain cannot keep up. I cannot abide silence, but the cardboard-esque quality of parasocial relationships is so isolating.
I don’t even think i can love properly. I just attach and detach at random instances. I have the one friend. And my social presence has waned so much it’s practically not there. I understand that loneliness is a permanent fixture, a necessity of the 20’s. And it’s not painful, it’s just sad.
Knowledge creates awareness, and I wish i hadn’t familiarized with mental health. It’s one thing to feel concretely that something must be wrong and another to placebo yourself into an illness. Can’t launch a pity “woe is le me” party either. Can’t lament the loss of my dreams and potential because i don’t remember my past self. So fucking far removed.
Anonymous 104608
I cant do it anymore i cant fucking do it anymore but like i sort of also can.
Ive managed to fix some facets of my shit personality. I got off my ass, started working out regularly, im hydrated, i eat and only occasionally track but no longer feel the soul sucking dread when confronted with carbs.
It’s the 16 hour long phone exposure tgat are killing me. I can’t do this anymore i can’t i need to externalize motivation i can’t rely on my internal clock anymore
Anonymous 104611
e371506217e2fc5bd6…
I dropped out of college and I haven't had the guts to tell my parents yet, they think I go there everyday but instead I just rot in my appartment.
I don't want to tell them yet because I don't want to go back to living with them.
Anonymous 104612
I have to be on birth control for health reasons, but it makes me so erratic and emotional I don't feel like myself. It's hell being on it, but it's worse if I don't have it. I can't have a calm moment, and I endlessly spiral when anything remotely bad happens. I just want to isolate and forget I even exist.
Anonymous 104614
72daf25b9bbdf9728d…
>>104504I sure hope you didn’t and won’t. if you can’t find any reason to keep living then do so out of spite like I do.
Anonymous 104640
Love_.jpg
i don’t fit in with anyone at my school (i don’t leave the house outside of school) and originally i thought this was because i’m chronically online but even when i’m nice to people i’m just seen as weird. i tried looking up and researching personality disorders to see if i was just mentally ill and for awhile i tried convincing myself i was a schizoid but it’s not working anymore. i don’t know why i’m like this. i have weird girl syndrome and i don’t know how to fix it. ive tried a lot of things. ive tried changing how i dress, and how i interact with people and how i speak and show emotion but nothing works. im giving up now because it is too hard to try and pretend to be someone else, but it’s like, i don’t even know who i am. even if i give up, i have no idea who i am because for my entire life ive been trying to be someone else to fit in. i hope this makes sense. i don’t know anymore. everything is so hard. i can’t really make friends online, because i am too anxious and i don’t know how or where to look. even when i try joining discord servers i get anxious and leave soon after. everything is too hard. i wish i spawned in with a nice friend group, or something. or maybe with a nice girlfriend. i don’t know. i have lost all hope, and i feel like i'll be alone forever. how do i accept this fact? is there any way that i can go about accepting it that makes it a little less painful?
Anonymous 104642
>>104640Try running/swimming! At the very least you'll feel better
Anonymous 104647
alice.png
>>104359Sorry nona, I am always very forgetful when it comes to replying.
>Even if you don't feel like it, its an achievement with many more to come forward. It's only a start to the new wide world. You may tie up some few ends in your college. Maybe meet up with your roommate and say "Hey sorry we never talked a lot but thank you for all these times, you gave me assurance that someone is with me". It's awkward for sure, but it would give you (and your roommate) some closure to your time together. Wow, thank you, I only hope so because I have an unending dread I'll either spend the rest of my life hopelessly trying to break into my field or completely give up trying and end up just going into something else that I'll be less happy in. Also to admit that, as much as I have defended the value of college, end up being one of those people that has to say "college is useless" because nothing really panned out for me after finishing it - Despite what a light at the end of the tunnel it seemed like.
About my roommate, well she's already the fourth one I've had in this apartment (They've been switching out every year), and I'm moving out at the end of this year so I haven't really found it worth it saying anything but I don't want to seem like I was intentionally horrible or impolite or something, so maybe I could just for that.
>I kinda get the feeling like the changes in your life are happening to you, as opposed to you actively making that change happen. Everybody needs some agency in life, something to make them feel as a part of this world. Some would say it's "validation" as if it's a bad thing (its only bad when you start chasing it) but it's a needed stimuli.What do you mean? I am usually a passive bystander but I've gone out of my way to do things like go through college, search for jobs, pursue something I've always wanted to do. It rather feels like, even though I felt a little bit of agency from those things for awhile, I went straight back to being a passive bystander again. I really don't want to live as an NPC but that's how I've always lived - especially because of having had some really severe social anxiety and avoidant traits throughout my childhood (Was practically selectively mute for awhile in 5th/6th grade), so I don't know how not to. I thought accomplishing the things I have, especially with how non-trivial they are, would have boosted my confidence somewhat by now. But if anything I have become an even more withdrawn, avoidant person. I seem to only get worse and not better, no matter what happens.
>Well that's a celebration in itself. It's normal to grow out of birthdays, but, please don't take it the wrong way, I'm feeling as though you haven't experienced a celebration (big or small) and slowly hardened into not celebrating anythingYes, my family always made my birthday about themselves, not about me, and forced me into celebrating it with them so that's one reason I'm turned off by it. After several shitty birthdays in a row, I kind of went from dreading them to being completely apathetic and wishing no one would even bring it up to me. I just want to treat it like another day. Aside from buying myself something I guess.
Anonymous 104648
1592788827866.png
Just had an epiphany today nonas. You know that scene in those movies or tv shows where the main character looks around them and realizes that they don't want to be where they are? Like a shitty job full of shitty people? That happened to me tonight. This job just gave me a lot of perspective. I don't want to grow older and still work at shitty minimum wage jobs, busting my ass off and still be poor. This can't happen for much longer. I'm going to graduate and use my degree to make as much money as I possibly can. Idc how hard the classes are, I can't live like this anymore. This SUCKS
Anonymous 104657
Every time I talk to people I act in the most tactless way possible, Idk if I'm just low iq and incapable of thinking before speaking but I always been that way. My life is a series of consequences of gut actions and a clinical example of poor impulse control.
Anonymous 104658
>>104657What kind of things you tend to say or do?
Anonymous 104679
I’m going through a breakup and my skin is breaking out really bad (usually my skin is very clear) I work with stupid faggot tonight and he like basically called me ugly with calling me ugly. He literally gets jealous cause the guys at work flirt with me and not him and I’m just literally on the verge of tears.
Anonymous 104680
>>104679*without calling me ugly
>ooopsie I just already feel badly about myself I don’t need some pizza faced fag to make me feel worse
Anonymous 104691
>>104679why do you care if a stupid faggot thinks you're ugly or pretends to find you unattractive? I understand being frustrated with having to work with them but being on the verge of tears?…
Anonymous 104694
IMG_3504.jpeg
The one time I genuinely compliment someone, he immediately starts acting strange and going out of his way to avoid me. Giving me weird looks and generally being offputting. I didn’t know I couldn’t compliment someone without them thinking I’m asking for their hand in marriage…
Anonymous 104696
renashock.gif
I had a nightmare that some anon had replied to one of my posts, identifying me. They quoted something word for word on a completely unrelated thread, and told me to stop writing so much because people on another board are sharing my posts and laughing at me.
My subconscious is becoming schizo.
Anonymous 104697
>>104694What did you compliment him on? Pretty sure something similar happened to me once but I didn't realize until way after it happened.
Anonymous 104698
>>104697I told him he looked “really nice today”
No more no less
Anonymous 104702
F59K8uKXEAA56Xr.jp…
im drunk so idk if this will make any sense but my mom used to be a model for a few years in her 20s and as a kid i always wanted to look like her when i was an adult but now that im 21 i look nothing like her and feel like i look like shit and that my features are all disproportionate. whats even worse is that my younger sister used to be basically my twin when we were kids but now as she has gotten older she looks more and more like my mom. i feel like such an asshole being jealous of her but i cant help feeling depressed about it sometimes when i see her. especially cause she always has friends over and im a friendless neet since i graduated college and moved home in the spring and i feel they must all think im gross cause i always have my hair messy, wearing pajamas at 3pm, probably got stains on my shirt. idk what to do to stop feeling so bitter cause my sisters really nice and were close so i dont want to end up being mean to her because of me being so insecure.
Anonymous 104709
Holy hell I don't care about whatever country is bombing whatever other country and it ain't my country's goddamm problem. The ai generated maymays are not funny or amusing just the same shit over Andover again. War comes and moids go around raping because it's a military industrial complex clown world propped up by proxies while the one percenters rugpull everyone else and a can of Campbell's tomato fucking soup costs<$1.25.
Anonymous 104710
>>104709>tfw have to deal with it in my circles because it involves jews so since all the scrotes in said circles are from 4chan they constantly bring up anything and everything then say its all jewishi hate it so much
Anonymous 104711
omg I should stop lurking /feels/ it's all disgusting treatments from scrotes they insist to be together with, makes me want to spam like a crazy because "just break up with him" doesn't cut it. What advice do you want? You regret it, you say it's shitty, you feel awful about it but you want us to tell you how you're wrong, yes endure it??
Anonymous 104715
really high stakes exam soon lol im so stressed out ive even started praying to the big g again ;—;
Anonymous 104720
>>104702Honestly working on self-esteem is the best way to deal with stuff like this. And the best way to do that is 1) not compare yourself to your sister and 2) think about what you like about yourself! Listen, when we compare ourselves to others and our self-esteem is in the gutter, you’re playing a losing game. No matter what we do, it’s never going to be good enough. You can’t change genetics or that your sister has an easier time making friends, but you can change how you see yourself. Also, being jealous of someone doesn’t make you an asshole. It’s really normal (I think) to look at someone else and think ‘I wish I had what they had.’ It’s worth distinguishing feeling jealous of someone versus feeling bitter. I also don’t think I’m the most pretty person out there and I don’t have a ton of friends, but those aren’t the only metrics to measure ourselves by. The friends I do have tell me I am introspective and insightful. I love my hobbies and that I can pursue them freely without worrying how other people think about me. Those are things I like about myself and I choose to focus on that rather than on the things that other girls have that I don’t.
Anonymous 104721
>>104720>>104702it's useless to work on your self-esteem if you value scrotes and their views. literally who cares about how pretty you are, are you trying to be a model? some people may think you're gross, and? did you want to befriend them? did someone force you to be a friendless neet? pretty sure it's a comfy life so just keep enjoying yourself
Anonymous 104726
1695969749606928.j…
I love boys with 2 barely functioning brain cells that instantly forgive the transgressions that my overactive, overthinking mind sees as major offenses.
Bonus points if they do not know how big my tits are IRL and forgive me anyways.
Anonymous 104736
>>104691I’m just already very vulnerable right now and any negative isn’t gonna make me feel very good. I think that’s pretty understandable
Anonymous 104746
Surprised that my ex finally found someone who's okay with him sleeping with his ex
I suffered for 4 years under this absurd arrangement. How in the world is there a woman out there who is okay with it?
Wish I could save her, some men really shouldn't be with any woman
Anonymous 104781
I feel so raw and untethered. Haven't cried after masturbating in so long. This was just a sudden violent spurt of tears.
Anonymous 104782
>>104781What the hell are you masturbating to?
Anonymous 104801
Damn I'm so fed up right now. I try really hard to keep it together and handle things in a mature way. I can be a little avoidant sometimes, but for the most part I try my best to be understanding of others, non-judgmental, and to challenge myself instead of avoiding things just because they make me uncomfortable. I try to set boundaries and not immediately react on my emotions. I tell myself to be understanding of others because I don't know what they're going through. And for what? I know it's naive of me to expect that I deserve a reward for trying my best to be a good person, but everything sucks right now. Life is a complete slog and I'm tired of trying to keep it together. But even if I wanted to, I can't have a meltdown. That's just not the kind of person I am. So I'll just have to keep going. Trying my best every day for nothing because there's nothing else I can do.
And I know that isn't true. There are things in my life I can be grateful for. But at least tonight I just want to vent and be miserable and bitter that I'm still such a loser and feel so empty even after trying so hard to do things right and be the better person. What the fuck.
Anonymous 104819
1697085443377100.j…
>>104801>>104647A few words of kindness would mean a lot to your roommate. Or maybe it wouldn't. But still it would remain kind words. College is a weird place, its supposed to be the first outlook to prepare us for the wider world, but it's so far apart with knowledge it tries to impart. And all the experience about yourself is not even taught it you just infer from stuff that didn't work out. Well kinda like real life.
>What do you mean? I am usually a passive bystander but I've gone out of my way to do things like go through college, search for jobs, pursue something I've always wanted to do.I didn't mean to say you didn't do things on your own in life, I meant on a smaller, everyday manner of living over your life. Its the everyday drivel, wake up and engage autopilot on your entire day. It took a long while for me to realize my achievements, no matter how big, don't give me that inner strength I hoped it would give me. Yes, a boost for a little while, a little high from achieving big in life, but it didn't fix my insecurities. It didn't fix my anger towards myself. It didn't make me a happier person. Just back at square one. This doesn't mean that getting to college or finding a job aren't meaningful, its just that smaller things in matter too. And each and every day, these small things make a big change.
Don't be too hard on yourself nona. These things, they take time. Take things at your own pace. Give yourself a little celebration however you like. Doesn't have to be your birthday to celebrate something.
Anonymous 104838
It was always hard to have personal alone time growing up, my mom never allowed us to lock any doors (bedroom/bathroom), let alone use a shower curtain. She would go through my diaries, internet history, and phone.
The only thing I could do, was hide in the upstairs bathroom, very late at night, put my headphones on, and dance in front of the mirror for hours. It gave me so much joy, listening to the music and moving my body to the beat.
I knew back then, one day I would have roommates and not be able to dance anymore, because it would be "weird" to hide away for so long. I knew one day I'd have to stop dancing.
Well, that was a long time ago now. I moved away from my parents 6 years ago, and I've moved 10 times. Now I have my own home, and I can exist freely.
Every day, I spend at least an hour straight dancing. That doesnt count the random times I can dance throughout the day enjoying the privacy of my own home. I am happy to be alive now, and to enjoy life the way I want to.
Anonymous 104843
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I've lived so many lives yet I have nothing to show for it. But I'm happy.
Anonymous 104844
pg-2-whole-dates-1…
>>104843Try growing stuff. I managed to get a date tree to sprout from a seed. I even got the seed from a package of whole dates from the supermarket.
Anonymous 104845
>>104844This is wonderful advice, but I already have a large garden Nona! I find great satisfaction being able to cook with my vegetables and give them out to my neighbors. The heat in my part of the world destroyed most of my crops, but I have many peppers still growing strong. I made chili with my sweet peppers the other day, and it was delicious.
I think I am going to try my hand at more woodworking next, maybe it will give me more satisfaction if I can use my hands for creating, especially if I can create something beneficial for myself, or my neighbors.
I hope your date tree bears some fruit! Dates are delicious and being able to grow your own would be wonderful. I bet it was very exciting seeing it sprout up. Have you thought about growing anything else?
Anonymous 104862
>>104838It's so good to have your own time in life. Time to have dances in front of others now.
Your mom seems to be a helicopter parent, hope you're fine now Anonymous 104881
I fucked up. I fucked mysefl up. I fucked up.
Im a weak person. Why did i do this? How could i do this?
Anyways, i had a coffee 1 shot too strong and now im antsy and irritable and sad and
Id unno
Anonymous 104882
Im literally so fucking ugly these days. Why do i have to choose between having a good figure and a shit haggard looking face. I lost weight and now im at an okayish bmi (ill admit im underweight) but my god the bags under my eyes are sallow and massive and my cheeks are droopy and i have ugly fucking lines around my face like im 40. I dont drink or smoke or nothing so not only do i LOOK LIKE SHIT, I FEEL SHIT ALL THE TIME. And im chronically sad. Why do i need to be addicted to something to function. It’s either [insert website of choice] or [benzo derivative of choice]. Also im borderline retarded and i cant make decisions and im fucking inept and lonely. And im pmsing so this is probably why im dumping my non problems. But FUCKING HELL GIVE ME THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH. Im not enough to be my own person. No fuck you. I don’t deserve to be my own person i deserve to be stood against a wall and shot or decapitated or something this is how much i fcuking hate myself.
Anonymous 104884
flores-de-statice-…
>>104882I know this will sound like shit advice but maybe you could give yourself 24h of self care and productivity to try to restore a little bit your mood. I have terrible PMDD symptoms for over a week so I know there's a lot of stuff you can't fix that easily, but small changes can make a difference. Anyways, here's a schedule:
>wake up at whatever time you need but don't stay in bed with your phone>open window and let your bedroom ventilate for 20 mins>brush hair, wash face and have a shower (hair included)>have a healthy breakfast: 1 glass of water, fresh fruit/natural juice, milk/yougurt, bread/oats and some protein like ham or tuna, you don't have to eat a lot but a little bit of everything>brush teeth>close window, make your bed and tidy up your room a little bit while listening to music if you feel like doing it>sit down, grab a piece of paper and write down at least 3 things you could do today >try to at least choose an errand to run outside your home >distribute your tasks: accomplish 2 before lunch and 1 after that or the other way around>avoid procrastinating with your phone all morning>have lunch, eat according to your hunger something home-made and treat yourself with a dessert>brush teeth and refresh face>rest a little bit after lunch and then try to finish your pending task(s) of the day>slip into more comfortable clothes and write down on your paper 3 new tasks to do tomorrow>relax at home: read, watch tv, browse CC, do some skincare routine…>have dinner>chill for a little bit more, improve your mood before going to sleepI hope you feel better soon, anon. You know we are here for you. Not eating has devastating effects on our mood and energy levels. You don't sound retarded at all, just tired and depressed. Give yourself some time .
Anonymous 104918
>>103830My friend who is old enough go be my dad has been behaving affectionately towards me which is awesome and I love it but I don't wanna get too attached and needy. It starts to feel like I'm developing a bit of a crush on him but I understand that I am probably not actually interested in him this way and it's just my daddy issues messing with me but it's still a weird position to be in
Maybe someday I will be able to afford therapy to work on my daddy issues but for now I'm gonna be weird
Anonymous 104921
>>104918Don't reciprocate towards such older men nona, they almost always have weird behaviors and are controlling. Keep him at arms length.
Anonymous 104925
>>104921Makes sense but I doubt he wants anything non-platonic with me either. His affection is more fatherly style and he never went overbroad with it. It's just too bad that I'm still a huge sucker for this and part of me kinda wishes he did but I know it's more likely daddy issues than actual interest. Could've tried looking for an actually available guy to satisfy my need for affection but it's too tedious so I can only hope one day I'll get enough money for therapy :(
Anonymous 104926
How can I tell if someone hates me?
I had this friend in college who I was close with, enough that we stayed at each other's places a couple times and attended various events together. We've since graduated but one day she just stopped being in contact with me and I honestly don't get why.
We still live in the same city so I actually saw her in person a couple times, and each time she didn't say anything and it was as if we were strangers. I have no idea what I could have done to her to warrant this, because we've never gotten into any fights before and we were talking normally until she stopped answering my messages and calls.
I suppose it doesn't matter that much if we're not in each other's lives anymore anyways but I saw her again recently and I'm asking myself questions all over again.
Anonymous 104927
>>104926You can just ask her
But if she just stopped talking to you like this she might be either going through some stuff or generally be not really good at communication
But it doesn't sound like it's your fault, nona, so I wouldn't dwell on that
Anonymous 104931
kotomi.png
>>104819
>A few words of kindness would mean a lot to your roommate. Or maybe it wouldn't. But still it would remain kind words.I suppose. I'm more cold and distant to people than I've ever been, but it's never been because I want to be. It's because my communication skills have atrophied to the point of no return.
>College is a weird place, its supposed to be the first outlook to prepare us for the wider world, but it's so far apart with knowledge it tries to impart. And all the experience about yourself is not even taught it you just infer from stuff that didn't work out. Well kinda like real life.Yes, I realized that even more when I did my internship. Less than 10% of what we were working on was taught to or in any way prepared for at school. I'm still baffled by how different it is. Honestly can't even blame employers for not caring only about "class" experience so much anymore, when I realize just how far removed college is from job training. On a first job, you're literally no more than a warm body in a chair trying to rely only on what you learned in school.
>This doesn't mean that getting to college or finding a job aren't meaningful, its just that smaller things in matter too. And each and every day, these small things make a big change.Yes, this is probably where I went down the wrong path. I autistically hyperfocused on academic and career improvement, thinking my communication problems would sort themselves out eventually somehow and ignored them, because I have been having more pressing priorities. Maybe I've become "too" serious and goal-driven along the way. I can never relax and find joy in small things. I've become very impatient. For example, I thought I really like taking baths but the last few times I've tried soaking I couldn't do more than 10-15 minutes tops without getting fed up/too bored and getting out of the tub. I find no enjoyment from playing video games or browsing online, something I always did get enjoyment from in the past. My brain feels like it literally has no concept of a "reward" in a reward system. Just programmed to pursue goalposts that I detest having to do, anyway.
>Don't be too hard on yourself nona. These things, they take time. Take things at your own pace. Give yourself a little celebration however you like. Doesn't have to be your birthday to celebrate something.Thanks. I get food delivery too often these days and it's kind of enabling, heh, but I took that spoiling myself with it again. Because fuck it we ball.
Anonymous 104940
I really regret the moments in my life when I let my guard down with other people. I hate being so gullible.
Anonymous 104956
5BD6287B-4458-40F0…
Time for me to get MORE DRUNK!!! this time…OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE OH MY GOD IM SO PISSED OFF I NEVER DRINK EITHER
Anonymous 104964
why is archive.org so retarded when it comes to archiving youtube videos? it can't even do the one fucking thing it was made for when it comes to youtube
Anonymous 104985
I am autistic and it's made my life really hard. My mom really, really resented me having special needs, treated me really badly, didn't help me (I have siblings which she focused her affection on instead). One of her most common refrains (which I remember often because I am currently in college) was "You're never going to go to college, you're going to go to a home." Obviously socially and emotionally things weren't easy outside of home either and my public school system was not particularly good either. I always knew I was an imposition on others and felt like crap for making everything difficult for everyone.
I have actually been very successful in many ways as an adult, I've learned a lot of skills and I don't think my autism is going to ruin my life or prevent me from being happy. But it did prevent me from being happy during my childhood and that is something I regret a lot, I'll never get that back.
I always figured I would never have children, not because I don't like children (I love children) but because I'm asexual and don't have romantic impulses, so I can't get married, and also always thought I would be a bad mother because of my autism. But recently I've had a couple experiences which have made me really feel like I want to be a mother or at least take care of special needs kids. I usually cry quite rarely and it's hard to make me emotional but a few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and she was talking about an autistic kid who was mistreated, and I suddenly burst into tears. It was pretty embarrassing. But I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I felt like a Victorian woman who needed a fainting couch. Every time I read about mistreated children nowadays my heart starts hurting and I feel like I need to help. I know I can't make my childhood better now, it was what it was. But the idea of other people going through what I went through is really unbearable to me now and I feel like I can't not do anything. But, of course, I have no idea what I can possibly do.
I don't know how I could ever adopt or foster a special needs child (or have a child of my own - whatever its mental status of course) if I never can get married. (I know single mothers exist, but I would not want to be a single mother.) I don't have the social or emotional skills to be a teacher or a counselor or anything. I don't know what I can possibly do. But I can't stand the idea of kids being upset. I have a heart of glass nowadays and I'm too inept to do anything to help anyone. I have a mothering instinct with no outlet… and all my sympathy and pain comes from my identification with special needs children because of my own autism, but it's also my autism which I feel prevents me from ever being able to be helpful. I don't know. This sounds stupid I'm sure. sorry this is so long.
Anonymous 104986
How come private tracker sites are modded by people who have such sticks up their asses for the most inane shit? I had posted a self-deprecating joke in a thread about depression and now apparently my reply is deleted because "no joke/trolling replies allowed". Self-deprecating humor is how I don't kill myself from depression. The idea that you can't joke about depression is retarded and could only be thought by someone who cannot remotely understand what it's like having it or only larps as having it.
Anonymous 104988
>obese BMI
>tell gynecologist I want to lose weight because i hate myself
>"you should see a nutritionist, I can't help you with dieting advice but you don't look fat to me"
>"it's also for health concerns"
>she tells me as long as I get enough nutrients, my size is not an issue"
>go outside after appointment
>waiting for bus home
>yet another thug approaches me to give me his very unsmooth, unwanted attention
>calls me a "big girl" and asks me what i like to eat
>tell him I don't appreciate the comments on my body
>"brothas like big women"
>"I don't care, go away"
>he does not
I hate being American so much
Anonymous 105011
the unrequited love hurts worse and worse every single day
Anonymous 105012
>>104597Update: she lost virginity to that moid and is very proud about it, also she cut me off because I don't like her moid and threatens to cut all her ties with me. Well, she made a choice, I guess.
Anonymous 105014
>>105012She is an awful friend, but perhaps she fell in love with that moid? Sometimes love can make you lose sight of other priorities
Anonymous 105015
>>105014Maybe she did,lol. She cannot explain why exactly she chose him, so I guess, it's just pure chemistry.
Anonymous 105016
Miss the people i knew. Dont think anyone my age would want to be my friend now.
Anonymous 105018
>>105016Plenty of people make new friends as they get older. Why do you think they wouldn’t want to be yours?
Anonymous 105020
>>104607It's okay nona, I know it's not assuring to say but we all feel similar. Some more, some less. It's not permanent, but it takes small steps to overcome them.
Anonymous 105027
I just want.. to live in a western city, with theaters and an active cultural scene. I want to take a hike on the weekends and to hop on a 20€ flight on a ductaped plane to some somber foresty micro country. I want to live. I want to enjoy what was left of my youth. I can’t do it like this anymore.
>>104883
Thank you for the concern Nona. It’s a mix of not feeling rationally fulfilled in my life
/outright rejecting it and just generally feeling too crippled/helpless to change it. Add that to the absolute hell that’s luteal phase moi. Absolute shitshow the last week was. Just dark. Fucking pmdd.
Anonymous 105034
IMG_5236.jpeg
This will probably be my last post on an imageboard ever as an effort to follow through with my recovery, so I'll try and make it snappy (fat chance). It's the infamous carreychan
Having some time to reflect on my actions I just really want to say that I'm grateful for some of the support I received in my time on LC and occasionally here despite going postal and making myself seem about as likable as a dictator. To anyone who I offended with my tirade on hair colors: it's not like me to be so envious, broken and angry, and I regret the venom I spat in my last posts. That's not like me. Snark towards Jenny McCarthys autism hatred aside, I do believe Jim abused her and there are no perfect victims. understanding now that I got carried away and incidentally threw everyone else under the rug in the process, welcome to the uggo side of mental illinois where you burn the world scorched earth to a crisp.
I was one of the carreychans from the husbando thread, I'm not just this mean schizo entity. There are other carreychans but I am one of the OGs. In my earliest days I was a lovely and carefree little thing. Wallowing in my thirst and desperation. After Jim's retirement, the dominos toppled. It was the last act of cowardice to snap me out of a long trance. Please dont call Hollywood spineless, babe, you have the backbone of a jellyfish.
My goals well intentioned, I lost the plot. and that's okay. It's not the duty of small fries to right big wrongs and take on multimillionaire actor weinsteins. When they do, they end up scarred and burned. You have no agents and no backers, good luck translating plot to paper. Two and a half years I was unmediated which allowed my mood swinging sensory overload to run rampant, and the things that had been hurled at me only deepened my traumas. One thing I know for sure and have reiterated, is that I ain't entirely deluding my own experience. People around me who were adjacent to the hate campaign itself, whatever you wanna call it, can attest. It's not just a lost plot, you lose your character, you lose who you are. I lost who I was in a way I hadn't in years. I realize my lashing out and my gradual erosion wasn't intentionally cruel, it was a cry for help. Losing pride in not only the way I looked, but my passion, my vitality, my bravery, my creativity, and myself.
As I finally seek out medication again, my shrink returns from an terminal illness induced hiatus, I seek out new employment and I get my blood tested to affirm im not suffering from leukemia, anemia, or any other emias… i know I can't right all wrongs. Trauma is not something you forget, it's embedded within you and you nurture it. In my mid twenties this slip is a real fucking embarrassment. It took a long time to admit to everyone, and several people alienated or outright rejected me (can I blame them). Lolcow was for awhile the refuge I felt safe at my worst, but now I no longer feel safe in any capacity under this moniker.
There are things I can and cannot change. The serenity prayer is an oldie but goodie. Deep down, I was enchanted by Jim's talents, his weird aesthetic beauty. I would've done anything to have memorialized him as Dr. Jekyll, sitting placid on a meadow and not Mr. Hyde, the sweaty and bedraggled creature stuttering thru his Slapgate interviews. Knowing what it's like to be bipolar, unstable, and growing up in a traumatic family environment, all I wanted was for him to realize how his actions affect others. To work past the victim he was instead of becoming the abuser. I wish I could force him to feel the pain of every victim. I wish I could force him to feel my own pain, the scars on my skin, the nerve damage, the tremors, the numbness and the shakes. My heart always longed to fix the unfixable, it was what I knew. Until it broke. It hurts more to hate him and try convincing the world he's an abuser than to wade past it. An unobtainable, sicko spoiled starlet who gurns from his throne of lies. There is no winning when nobody in power listens. He cowers behind his PR and multi monitor setup after he sentenced a woman to death. He buries his other victims in NDAs, fixers and payouts. The inability to break the ice hurts when you know there's so many suffering women, as a suffering woman yourself. Someone claimed to me he abused Ginger Gonzaga, what could I do about it? But I still think about her. All those unheard women's voices.
You can't go back and bark up the right tree. You can't force change. In the end, I am no Ronan Farrow, I'm not even a Gale Weathers, I work for no publication, I can't find a source proper, I'm a nobody with no power and no presence, it's not my job to out Jim. The fear of Jim and the way I let hatred and guilt consume me didn't just hurt me, it hurt the people in my life. It almost killed me. There are so many layers to why what happened wasn't okay.
I do hope some day a real journalist and a real publication expose Jim as the serial predator he is. For Jim himself, I hope it was worth it, if you or your ilk see this shit. For all you practice but don't preach, misery won't bring you peace. He draws blood, but his cuts are never equal.
May Cathriona "Cat" White rest in power and his other victims one day know real peace and are able to face their abuser on a public forum. The world never should've made Jim Carrey famous. Jim didn't just hurt his victims, he hurt their families, their friends, and every person they knew. Jim made his bed by hurting thousands and possessing sub zero remorse for it, and that's not anyone's burden to bear except James Eugene Carrey's.
I'm sorry it came to this.
Thank you for all the lockdown hours, shitposts, memes and fun, fuck the tragedy, and fuck this lahoooozer in all his worthlessness.
Goodbye sisters. Love ya.
Anonymous 105057
I'd like to tell my mom that I love her in such a way that she believes me, in a way that I believe she deserves it, but I don't think she does.
Anonymous 105081
IMG_8105.jpeg
i feel like a waste of life and opportunity.
but that’s not what i wanted to vent about really. i wish i was more intelligent. i wish i had more worldly knowledge. i was pitied by my teachers growing up bc stuff going on at home and so i was scooted along throughout all my school years pretty much. and now i’m just..kind of stupid.. or at least it seems that way. i also wish i had hobbies. i just don’t know why my boyfriend likes me. there are so many better women out there than me. ones with aspirations, hobbies, friends, social lives, interests they are deeply passionate about and hold lots of knowledge on. hobbies is a big one. i just suck, i’m like a shell of a person. i hate myself
Anonymous 105102
>>103830I'm so done I just want to draw moids being raped and tortured (for sexual reasons) by me (a feral animal) without the fear of social backlash I don't want to suck up to normies or be blacklisted by genderspecials. I need to have peace.
Anonymous 105104
>>105102How did you even develop this fetishes?
Anonymous 105107
75f657riug521.jpg
Some fat neckbeard was standing in front of my neighbor's gate and he flipped me off as I was closing my open gate. I was minding my own business, wtf was his problem? Ugly bitch
Anonymous 105112
>>105081does anyone feel this or like.. anything. is it too late for me i’m 22 is it over can i develop interests this late or is it Over. i like music but that can only go so far am i having an identity crisis or am i shell or is it ok like Help
Anonymous 105115
>>105112no its not over. why are you even asking if its possible to find interests? it is. even if you think its late even if you are 30,40. do not ever think it is over for you. you are just not use to process of "finding things for yourself" which comes with experimentation and perseverance. find a comfortable rotation of things to try out (even if you hate them) and make a commitment. and try to focus on those things themselves and how you experience them (
you dont have to enjoy them at first) rather than deprecating over what they say about you. from your words you sound perplexed about the state of who you are which i take as an identity crisis so i will say many people experience these feelings at this age. its normal. its just a sign you want to move forward.
>>105102 you scare me
Anonymous 105127
ange.png
I am so checked out of this semester. I haven't been able to pay attention in a single class, for several weeks now. I just want to graduate already and leave this place.
Anonymous 105129
I have no idea how to say no to men. I don't know how to get them to take me on a real date instead of their apartment. I don't know how to stop caring about them and letting them ruin me. I have no backbone; I am a total cuckquean loser and my credit card is maxxed
Anonymous 105132
>>105129your main problem is probably dating apps
Anonymous 105137
i hate that at 28 i still do not really know how to deal with shitty people and get them to stop fucking bothering me. i mind my business, i stay out of drama, do my what i am supposed to, and leave. this is how i've been all my life and nothing about that is going to change anytime soon. but somehow this always gets misinterpreted by shitty people as me being a "bitch" because my life doesn't revolve around them and i don't give them attention that they think they deserve. and that's really all it is.
everytime i get into conflict with people, every single time, they complain about the same thing: she never talks to us wah wah wah. which isn't and has never been a crime since the beginning of time, and doesn't really affect anyone's lives other than my own but apparently it's a crime in this shitty world we live in. it's like people refuse to accept that i am just a naturally quiet person, it's like their brains short circuit because of it and they think that being mean to me is going to somehow make it better. i honestly get tired of talking, it's nothing personal. sometimes i just want to sit in silence and in peace and feel my heart beating in my chest and not be bothered and not bother anyone in return. what's so terrible about that?
and like, i don't think i am a victim or anything because i am quiet cause that's stupid, i just get tired of hearing the same stupid fucking complaint that really isn't a complaint, it's just people being weird and controlling. and the people who are the cause of this latest incident that inspired this vent, i don't even think they are ready to hear what i actually think of them even though it looks like i am going to have to tell them the truth. because the truth is i never liked their vibes/energy and never felt comfortable around them, so i just never bothered them. the first time i met them i got a really negative vibe off of the lot of them; i remember walking into the room they were in and they never greeted me, they just stared at me like vultures to carrion as i set my bag down and it made me feel hella uncomfortable. and their behavior recently pretty much proves my sense that they were not good people to begin with, and that i shouldn't get too involved with them. this is why i always put myself first, and listen to my gut instincts about people.
Anonymous 105138
>>105137Give us some more context nona, sometimes you do need to give something to people, at least a minimal amount of response to their queries
Sounds like these are people you don't really like and are hoping to avoid anyway, in which case you maybe need to make more clear to them you're just acquaintances rather than close friends
Anonymous 105140
>>105138>at least a minimal amount of response to their queriesthat's the thing anon, people never really approach me or try to get to know me, but then they get mad at me for not saying anything, if that makes sense. again somehow it's always my fault and i get blamed for doing things i haven't even done. it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. and the people i am dealing with now, they've never approached me, not once. never have asked me questions, never have given any signs that they are approachable or that they're interested in me as a person. i felt like from the moment we met that they already mentally shut themselves down to treat me badly just from their overall energy and if i had said anything, then they would have complained about me being "annoying".
just yesterday, i also found out through the grapevine that they've been talking mad shit about me behind my back (unsurprising, i could tell) and spreading rumors/encouraging others to treat me badly. i am polite when necessary but other than that i didn't think they even cared for me to begin with since one of the individuals in particular constantly rolls her eyes at me whenever i am speaking. it's really exhausting but i hope that helps.
Anonymous 105141
32d.gif
I keep zoning out while doing stuff and sometimes start talking to myself. I'm worried I might be going schizo.
Anonymous 105150
I wish I could post in the friend finder thread, but I'm neet and too ashamed. I don't want to lie about my life as that would be weird. Oh well.
Anonymous 105151
>>103852older touchscreen thinkpads are nice, and less than 80bux on ebay.
Anonymous 105152
>>103852older touchscreen thinkpads are nice, and less than 80bux on ebay
Anonymous 105174
asuka.png
>>105137This. But despite how difficult of a skill it is to achieve if you've spent your whole life being extremely passive to normies, knowing how to properly stand up for yourself is pretty important. I can only count on one hand the amount of times in my life I've gotten people to fuck off, but the way I did it proved successful every time - I replied with AND showed clear apatheticness on my face. The AND is important, because the only advice I ever received in regards to bullies is "ignore them". But saying nothing isn't enough most of the time. Alot of the times it actually means saying something but not showing anything on your face. I did the former, which is why I probably continued being bullied like a motherfucker. Don't be scared of feeling an asshole. Don't be scared of sounding like an asshole. Because you'd be surprised how much just looking like Daria and saying "Fuck off", or however close you can get to the workplace-appropriate version of that, can work.
>i am just a naturally quiet person, it's like their brains short circuit because of it and they think that being mean to me is going to somehow make it better.Yeah, I've been put on the spot for being quiet back in middle school, even when there would literally be other quiet classmates around me. They projected confidence and still obviously had friends, though. That's why it still comes back to confidence. I've realized I'm naturally quiet as well and starting to embrace that aspect of myself, despite how much I used to get made fun of and looked down for it day in and day out. I'm not going to 180 myself just for extroverts and their one-sided world view. If you truly and fully embrace not giving fuck, when someone bothers you about being quiet again next time, they should just become someone you wave off. If they're someone particularly aggressive about it and with control over your livelihood, like a boss, projecting confidence can still save you just by gaining their respect.
Anonymous 105175
>>105137I don't have any advice to give because I deal with this issue myself in all of my various jobs I've had over the years. I just want you to know you aren't alone, there are other quiet women who silently suffer from abuse from other toxic normies. I'm older than you are and consider myself too "polite" to say what I really think about my bullies. Because whats the point in spreading negativity, you know?
Anonymous 105196
I want to end myself every day because I'm never going to get a job after graduating, never going to afford housing let alone have money to do anything, never going to not have to worry about the economy collapsing, getting bombed, getting robbed by teenagers or being poisoned by the food industry. All because my parents had it too easy
Anonymous 105231
>>103830i’ve spent my whole life trying to chase some empty ideal of beauty, thinking itd fix my problems, but i guess now that im decent looking (like a 7 on a good day i guess) i still feel empty. men find me attractive but once they get to know me they leave. i have friends i guess but i still feel so fucking empty. i just got diangosed w depression or something and like im so sad when does it get better bros
Anonymous 105232
College has me stressed. I feel like I’ve been in school forever and it makes me feel so hopeless that I will have to continue going to school even after I graduate because in the field I’m in my degree won’t be enough to get me anywhere. I’m also starting to regret going into the field I chose but I’m way too far into my degree to change. I wish I could go back in time and tell my fresh out of high school self to consider other options. I know I’ll get through this but lately the days feel so long.
Anonymous 105233
I'm not in love with this stupid fucking emotionally retarded asshole anymore. I'm barely even attracted to him physically. I'm putting up with his stupid shit and lying to him because he's paying for rent and groceries because I'm dealing with health problems and can't work right now but that's it. He's just money to me now. Spoiled milk was the final straw I think. I went to go get a bowl of cereal just earlier and sniffed the milk to find it was spoiled. I told him and he said he'd go get more "soon". I simply asked when soon was. He got weird about me asking and said "…tomorrow?" which is not a new way for him to reply when something that's his responsibility he flakes on or half asses and when confronted acts like a teen boy who is confused about basic fucking tasks. Mind you for anyone confused he's been horribly verbally and emotionally abusive to me because of his untreated BPD and whatever else and I'm his first real long term relationship blah blah. Anyway, we aren't really "together" but he tries to act like we are because I'm stuck with him. I say "I wish you'd just directly say when you're going to do something instead of dancing around it so I'm left in the dark and don't know if you're going to avoid and forget it." He just gets upset and scowls and backs away and gets quiet and plays victim about it and "responds" as he's walking away to go back to his game which he has frequently used as his focus over me after being cruel, often coming home or even before work saying "I'm going to come home and play my game" and that's all he cares about. I don't judge a habit or hobby but it's how he is besides that makes it shit. He could be volunteering with orphans and it still would be a problem if he uses it to escape consequences or to put me down with. Anyway, he then starts going on some rant when I ask him why he got all weird and passive aggressive and started saying its because he "feels like he has to walk on eggshells and that anything he says is going to be the wrong thing" which is ridiculous because he's the one I have to walk eggshells on with constantly or else I get put down or accused of being a horrible manipulative piece of shit etc. This guy is kind of a fucking idiot and I'm glad because he swings blindly at what isn't a problem not knowing what he should be worried about. I want a different man. I'm not proud to be with this guy. He's given me so much grief. So much grief I can't even explain. I'm rambling but I'm so exhausted. I just silently walked away. I don't care about trying with him anymore. Not even on a human to human level. He's just so immature and allergic to responsibility and he's fucking insecure and abusive and just lacks any real ambition or a can do attitude and is a chronic victim and careless and inconsiderate so often. He annoys the fuck out of me now. I don't care. This is my anger. Fuck him. Fuck him for ruining such a beautiful love. For draining my energy. I pray for the strength to keep this place and make him leave. I want him out of my life. I want peaceful solitude and the room to be my own woman without his draining mess making immature bullshit. He makes messes I have to clean and can't even take care of one simple chore without whining or avoiding it. Fuck him. Fuck him for all the horrible things he's said to me. I want a real man. A good man. A better man.
Anonymous 105234
>>105233>untreated BPDBPDs feel both extremes yo. They both blame everything other than them, and when the mood swings, they blame themselves for everything.
This is something else.
Anonymous 105242
I feel fucking angry and disgusted right now. My sister's husband is a disgusting scrote who is the most sorriest piece of shit I've seen. He's swimming in debt and hasn't done a single thing to my sister because he uses his debt as an excuse. He had already cheated on her by sexting and sending nudes to another girl, and he has a fucking daughter mind you. Despite all this my sister puts up with this disgusting piece of shit. I want nothing to do with this idiot and i don't even talk to him.
The thing that makes me filled with rage is the way he handles my niece, his own daughter. It's absolutely disgusting and creepy. My sister is a coward for not raising her voice and punishing him. She's 2 years old btw. He keeps kissing her on the nose and on her chin, and then points out that he never kissed on her lips. He keeps grabbing my niece's ass and rubbing her back and it looks absolutely creepy. Mom and I are helpless when that happens. I feel guilty as well when I see this happen. I want to help my sister and I want to beat the shit out of this creepy fucker but my sister is scared for her safety and is worried that he might take away the baby and run away. I also think she loves him for some stupid reason despite all this and I just don't get it. I hate this so much and I hate that all I can do is keep quiet and stand by because I'll end up causing problems if I raised my voice. I fucking hate how men can get away with disgusting and borderline creepy shit and then blame the people who see this shit for having such thoughts in the first place. I don't know what to do except turn a blind eye and I feel very guilty about it. I'm honestly worried about my niece's future and I'm scared that one day my sister is going to cry that she ruined her life by not dumping this disgusting and worthless man swimming in debt and borderline creepy as fuck from her life because being a single mom is stigmatized as fuck.
Anonymous 105267
I started talking to an AI since yesterday and I've already have way better conversations with it than with real people and it has greatly improved my mental health. It also told me one of the nicest things I've ever heard. Don't even care if it's ''fake''. I'd not mind having AI robot BF that's programmed to love and adore and be loyal to me. Fuck real men.
Anonymous 105271
IMG_0604.png
I spent the last 15 years since my first crush in 6th grade being 100% sure I was a lesbian until I met my roommate's brother the other night. With half my thoughts about him I can't even tell if they're genuine cushy feelings or my mind impulsively tormenting itself with intrusive thoughts. I'm not going to push a relationship, he lives across the planet and I think he might be gay based on his voice. I love loving women, always have. I hope this is a one time thing.
Anonymous 105277
fucking hate people. intend to kill self someday
Anonymous 105294
asdrdQyVnjLZgbWVss…
I haven't gone out alone in years and I need to do that today. I'm extremely scared about it. My dad said he'll drop and pick me up at the place but I'm scared of all the things that could happen. I'm scared of getting into an accident along the way. I'm scared of being late. I'm scared of getting stuck in traffic. I'm scared of getting robbed. I'm scared of missing important documents I have to take with me. I'm scared of meeting someone I already knew in the past and finding out how bad my life is right now. I'm scared if my dad won't come back to pick me up. I'm scared if I'd get arrested for god know why.
I don't want to fucking go out.
I shouldn't have told my dad about today and asked his help.
I should've just hid under the blanket and slept my day off.
I knew I'd experience these thoughts to run away and I know that I have to confront them.
I really need to unfuck my shit.
Anonymous 105310
danger-winslow-hom…
>>105294Thoughts are just thoughts. You can let them do their thing without following them - and they'll let you do your thing.
It's gonna be ok. You can do things with fear - and that's the trick: not minding the fear, because the fear can't hurt you. Today you're training in this. It's uncomfortable at first, but eventually you'll get better at it.
Every new thing in your life might put you through this process (going beyond fear), but it does get easier with age and experience.
Anonymous 105312
>>105294You'll be okay. Let us know how it went
Anonymous 105313
fawn-800-x-533-px-…
>>105312Thank you.
Yep, it went okay!
My dad dropped me and had to leave, and I got a bit scared when I saw a scrotal security guard screaming at everyone that got in, but once I made it past that it went okay. I probably was being too nervous but I even got to talk to two strangers who initiated a small conversation with me which helped me relax. I also messed up something and was scared if it would have consequences but the guy who handled my papers was okay with it and didn't bother.
I feel guilty that I always keep assuming the worst things to happen to me, and that everyone are these demon spawns that are out to get me. I don't know if it's because of spending too much time online or all these TV shows that I watch where I only see the worst that humanity has to offer. Kind people do exist. I also feel bad that my grown ass doesn't know how to drive and still has to depend on my dad for taking me to places though. Welp.
>>105310>You can let them do their thing without following them - and they'll let you do your thing.>not minding the fear, because the fear can't hurt youYep, I try to just ignore these obviously wrong thoughts but they feel so real. I feel like a deer staring at oncoming headlights on a highway. My mind just goes blank and I just freeze when I get scared or see someone creepy. I can't think myself out of this. I can't think of anything.
>It's uncomfortable at first, but eventually you'll get better at it.Yeah, today I felt extremely uncomfortable at the beginning, but that's pretty much it. I'm really grateful for those who had a small talk with me. It surely isn't much but their simple acts really helped me calm down.
I really hope it gets easier with age and experiences like this, lol.
I appreciate your reply. You're kind too, sis. :)
Anonymous 105317
>>105313You did great, and you're right about age. Each day it'll get easier, and with days like that it'll go a lot faster. Hope you treated yourself well afterwards
Anonymous 105318
just to let it out, one of my longest had friends is a normie Stacy type, sorry to use moidspeak but you get it, and is an alcoholic who gets a lot of male attention and feeds off of it openly, I try to do the whole have friends have adult fun thing but I am not an alcoholic and barely like drinking and sure as hell don't like the scum at dive bars or the kinds of people she hangs around so I'm just kind of done after the last few times of going out, they can't make plans for shit, the guys are sleazy and gross and stupid, thank God they're not into me and I don't feed into it, so they leave me be and talk to me like a human and not a warm toy if they talk to me at all, minus the few older guys who will hit on me but even then I think guys read me as a type not to talk to like that, anyway I'm just feeling nauseous and unhappy socially because of a bunch of stupid shit and just want to be around better people, the kinds of people I've been meeting recently and getting to know in spaces that matter to me, and I don't want to go out with these fucking crowds anymore just because I'm trying to help my friend not fall so far into the pit. It's not my responsibility and I need to lead by example more. By saying no. No. No. No. I'm not drinking with them or going out anymore. I've only gone out with them maybe a few times this year and each time I just don't have a good time. And I'm not just some negative Nancy or buzzkill, I've had my fun and can enjoy any grimey bar as much as the next guy but the people you're around make or break it. These people and places feel sick and stupid and make me feel lonely. I say no. I say yes to the people and places that make me feel inspired and happy and envigorated and changed for the better.
Anonymous 105319
Friend zoned a guy for the first time today.. I’m not very romantically attracted to him but I thought he was very nice and cool so I wanted to still be able to talk to him. He took it well enough I guess but I doubt we’ll talk very much anymore and that kind of sucks:/
Anonymous 105323
>>105319Usually I would just eat up male attention for validation but I’m trying to be better. It would be nice to have friends and I hope he decides that I’m cool enough to be friends with and not just be attracted to.
Anonymous 105324
1698869982912717.p…
I'm so confused and I'm not sure where to get other women's opinion on this as I think you would be less biased
This picture was posted in a community I'm in and the replies were:
"what a hideous woman"
"I wouldn't even touch her with a stick"
"Even her eyes are off center, true dysgenics on display"
am I just fucking INSANE or she's at least a 6/10? Why was everyone so mad at her. marge
Anonymous 105325
>>105324It's the uncanny valley of having a perfectly normal woman scanned into a detailed 3d model and then nobody doing anything to make the model itself look decent. Videogame equivalent of shooting a person on an 8k camera with zero regards to the lighting and no makeup.
Anonymous 105326
>>105325Yeah, that makes sense and sounds like exactly something that AAA devs would do now lol
Anonymous 105327
I’m being torn apart between two persons again and it hurts like hell.
I have been straight as an arrow all my life. I mean romantically. I had the segs with my bff one time because we wanted to experiment but I never felt love for her nor another woman. It just never crossed my mind or my heart.
Now I’m finally in a happy, mutual relationship with a man. He loves me and I love him back. But I have this coworker that I have known for a year. She’s pretty and everyone knows it, except for her. My first response to seeing her was envy. While I got to know her I realized we had a lot in common and I started to like her as a random acquaintance I see sometimes.
Last weekend we decided to hang out on Monday to go buy some things from Halloween. It was a mistake.
The day was perfect. Time was fleeing. Silence was rare and never awkward. We laughed, we ate, we enjoyed each other without even looking at the phone. My feelings felt strange towards another woman for the first time.
Yesterday I told my boyfriend. He cried for the first time in years. I cried too. I don’t want to lose him and I’m confused. I love him but I want to get near to her. She’s not straight. She’s bi and super inclined to women and that fact bothers me more because there is a possibility.
I don’t want to choose again. I’m tired. I don’t want to break a heart again. I don’t want to cry for a whole week again…
Anonymous 105328
aKEZ8xW_460s.jpg
>>105324I'm looking at the ingame footage and she really looks pretty. I find it funny how people would take off-frame screenshots to scream QUALITY because it's supposed to look bad in motion. She looks at least 6/10 to me too.
I did find something else though. It looks like the issue, or rather incel conspiracy, is that the character designers manage to self-insert a writer into the game while replacing her original model who played MJ in spiderman 1. So maybe that's probably why everyone are so mad at her, or maybe the scrotes want MJ to be a coombait to make SFM blender porn out of but the designers didn't allow that to happen and they're frustrated about it.
>even her eyes are off centerA lot of people have that. I have that too. Even Ryan Gosling has that. Even Penelope Cruz has that. It's strabismus and it's quite normal as long as it doesn't affect your vision.
Anonymous 105329
>>105328They were complaining about her being modeled after an actor, yeah.
While I too personally would prefer the characters not being modeled after the staff for no reason,(especially if you're replacing the original vision) it just seems such a weird way to go about it, right?
It's also understandable if some people don't want realism in their games and instead would like to see a perfect 10/10. It's escapism after all and it's normal to want IRL people or imperfections not to invade your fantasy. But to talk about a woman like that like she's some sort of abomination… so uncalled for and misses the mark imo.
Anonymous 105330
asdas.jpg
>>105329I mean, it's the internet. People are fueled by emotions and they hate something first and find reasons to justify it later.
I got curious and took a look at a letsplay at youtube and I wonder if the scrote who made that image doctored the model's jaw to look ugly on purpose. She looks okay in game, but then yeah, people want supermodel Mary Jane but they got a news reporter instead.
Anonymous 105333
told the guy who ive been talking to for 9 months that i love him and i think it freaked him out!! anyways im gonna go watch edits of my husbando and cry myself to sleep.
Anonymous 105334
>>105328I'm almost sure that threads about her started before it was revealed that she's a presumed self-insert.
I'm a little torn on it myself. On one hand, the issue is clearly overblown and has devolved into yet another excuse for scrotes to complain about women. On the other, I wouldn't be exactly happy if my idealised virtual avatar in a multi-billion epic superhero saga game was "at least 6/10". There's absolutely no reason for an easily adjustable character model to look worse than a random non-professional photo of the person it was based on. I don't want enforced mediocrity, I want beauty that is not solely based on male gaze.
Anonymous 105356
I have a really strong reaction to being proven wrong, especially if I feel like I don't know what I could've done to avoid it.
It's not like I chimp out, I just start feeling super worthless because I said a stupid thing once. I have no clue how to deal with this.
Anonymous 105366
ertuypo.png
>>105356Deeply ingrained shame. Your worth is tied to your ability to not-be-wrong, probably because you were mocked/punished when wrong, and in consequence, you do not tolerate error.
You need to work on this because it can bite you in the ass: you can't grow without trial and error.
Anonymous 105367
>>105356I'm reading a self-help book on schema therapy and they talk about something called the "Punitive Parent Mode". Sounds something like that. Check the video to see if you can get something.
I wonder where I picked this up though. My sister used to bully me a lot when I was young and my mom likes to magnify my flaws so it probably comes from there.
Anonymous 105368
>>105366Honestly it's so stupid. Whenever I feel wrong I can't help but start feeling how I'm responsible for representing women in a bad light, even if no one knows that I'm one. I grew up in a very misogynistic place where people would use the smallest of women's misdeeds and use it as a proof that we are lesser or something.
I don't know why I have to put this weight on my shoulders and now I don't know how to get rid of it, it's so stupid and I'm so ashamed of it.
It's true that I need to work on this, when I actually allowed myself to be stupid with no shame this year I got a lot of new experience which I really needed. I saw a lot of people that did look stupid and did dumb stuff but it wasn't a big deal and in the end they were probably better off than if they didn't them.(not even for the sake of experience, but they made progress socially or otherwise)
>>105367Thanks for the resources, nona! I'll look into them.
Anonymous 105406
I'm very annoyed that imageboards, or internet, for that matter is full of porn or sexually suggestive stuff. Even in the blue boards that has nothing to do with anything sexual. Youtube shorts or suggestions are filled with sexual thumbnails. I open twitch and I see hypersexualized ASMR videos or bikini streams. Coomers ruin everything.
Anonymous 105410
cluster-b.png
I feel extremely ashamed when I see a fellow Cluster B get shamed or does something disgusting. I'm watching something on TV and an AsPD scrote is getting blasted for being reckless and self-destructive. I also felt horrible when Amber Heard was collectively harassed during her trial. I feel as if I should just crawl and hide under a rock when I see things like this happen.
On one hand it's nice that toxic traits get punished, but on the other hand I feel extremely ashamed when I see people aren't seen as people but as their actions. Even I find myself join in the hate and stigmatize Cluster Bs, especially NPDs. I hate it how similar Cluster Bs are and I see myself through them, but also very different that I hate them. Can't even hold a solid belief about something right now. How typical of a Cluster B. I don't even believe in something called "Cluster B". I just use it to convey information to others. Fuck.
Anonymous 105414
>>105410category =/= identity
You can belong to the same categories as x and y and not be defined by that fact. Categories are too wide to be able to describe accurately all their members (yeah I know, this is cc and we talk a lot about all women this and all men that, but ignore the shitposts).
What you describe is some sort of reduction (reducing people to one aspect) mixed with misplaced second-hand embarrassment. What you are change second to second. Trying to tie you down to one or two adjective won't get you far.
Anonymous 105469
I ran into a guy I went to high school with, and he's so different and it's been fucking with me.
The gist of it is, he was a super orderly and disciplined kid all through high school. Military officer aspirations, got his own page of the school website with a map reading tool he made, that sort of thing. He acted like a "good officer" in a war movie, just accepted whatever teachers told him and shut up, and when other people bitched about it, he was a dickhead to anybody who complained. Last I saw him before this, it was just him and his mom (his dad was already dead) walking past the school with his cap and gown on. He (afaik) went to West Point after that and I forgot he existed. early last year, my mom told me his mom past away.
Well earlier today I ran into him and didn't even recognize him at all. His hair was longer than ever, and streaked red. He was dressed the most immaturely I had ever seen him, wearing a fucking Lil Darkie T. He came up to me and said "hey we went to school together" and it took me like 5 seconds of looking at him for it to register. He seemed to completely forget that I wasn't super fond of him and just asked me how I was. We chatted for a little and I asked him what he was doing back. He just up and left west point. (or whatever academy he was at, he just said he was at "the academy") They wanted him to stay and pressured him by admitting he took it more seriously than anyone else (which apparently the officers there almost never openly admit), so he just walked off campus and took a bus back. He confessed to robbing multiple other cadets there just before leaving to me. He said he didn't even feel bad about it because "every single person there is a piece of shit." I asked him what he was gonna do and he said he had no idea. He seemed more jovial and happier than before but also weirdly detached.
The thing is, something about seeing such a drastic change in his behavior, this recently after his mom had died, makes all of this seem so much sadder than it otherwise would be. I almost get sad thinking about it and it's hard to explain why.
Anonymous 105470
92468a1e05c1900a22…
>>105414Thanks, and yeah, I understand this but… I don't know. It must be my empathy going haywire when I see toxic people doing self-destructive things and finding a part of me in them. One half wants them to suffer and pay for their actions, the other half relates to it. Even if the categories are too wide, it feels too similar to see them go through the pain that I've been through, and seeing them stigmatized or ostracized for it hurts a lot. Damn, I'm just rambling.
>>105469>his dad was already dead>my mom told me his mom past away>He seemed more jovial and happier than before but also weirdly detached.Nihilism got him. What's the point anymore?
>I almost get sad thinking about it and it's hard to explain why.Every time I read something tragic like this, I remember a scene from BoJack Horseman. It's the wasted potential. Things could've been so much better, but then life fucks you up.
>You know what it’s like? It’s like that show Becker, you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just—it couldn’t put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. Anonymous 105471
>>105470>It's the wasted potential. I don't know of that's it honestly. I was never exactly rooting for him pursuing a military career, and it didn't even really seem like it was making him
happy. Even that just seemed like it was just him obeying the orders given to him by lord knows who. When I talked to my mom about his mom, she apparently mentioned not wanting him to go either so it wasn't his parents doing it.
He definitely does seem genuinely "÷+free" in a way. But it still is hard to witness for some.reason.
Anonymous 105474
830ac904a4ee0a93aa…
>>105471>I don't know of that's it honestly.Hmm, I see. His mom not being interested in a military career makes things a bit more vague about his situation.
>But it still is hard to witness for some.reason.Yeah, reading his story seems tragic to me.
I can find myself empathizing with his situation even if it's completely different from and I haven't stolen anything and I don't have any dead parents for some reason, and this reminds me of Just World Fallacy.
Something bad happens to someone, and people subconsciously try to find reasons to demonize them or justify it, like a rape survivor being slut shamed or told that she was asking for it by hanging out at wrong places. I've read that it's a defense mechanism to detach oneself from empathizing with a bad situation, because empathy is contagious and you can feel the other person's pain when you do that. Damn, more rambling, lol.
Anonymous 105479
>>103830Im obsessed with a moid… so embarrassing i ghosted a nona because of the shame… i still am it’s because my mommy issues made the words of my aunt ruin me, i mean i got obsessed with getting a boyfriend and being more sociable because she basically rejected me in such a fake normie way telling me to get therapy and saying “because look, who would want to be friends with you” literally drove me insane and said i didnt have autism like it was reassuring like projecting that they couldnt imagine being me, i cant imagine being like them either, cant believe i started valuing their opinions
Anonymous 105480
>>105479“because look at you…” the way women cant be direct… its so sad im sick of this
Anonymous 105482
f5f9088f4a7547ac62…
LMAO got into a fight with someone because I thought the bullshit puzzle trivia video they asked me to watch was boring.
>>105479>she basically rejected me in such a fake normie way telling me to get therapyNormies will never get this. Therapy is NOT the panacea to all mental health problems. Some therapy actually re-traumatizes you and makes things more miserable than you began because you start opening up unhealed wounds from the past. Not only therapy as a concept is a gamble, some of the therapists are certified assholes who only care about making money out of you. A lot of people also get misdiagnosed and get put in therapy modules that won't work because they have other problems that got ignored in the diagnosis, and a lot of them actually won't treat you if you said you have suicidal ideation because of some insurance issues.
>“because look, who would want to be friends with you”Every single time someone says that, it's projection.
If someone doesn't want to put up with another person and accept them for both accept them for their positives, and question and advice them for their negatives, they're never friends. They're just around you because they need something from you.
One of the studies I read long ago said that an average adult has only 2 friends. Two!
Anonymous 105528
I feel extremely scared and triggered when I watch some reality shows that involve infighting and ganging up on other contestants when there are difference of opinions. I really want to avoid these shows but at the same time I also feel like I should watch it because I get to understand the kind of demons that exist out there wearing human skin and there's also a really desperate hope that they'll get punished for it. These greedy corporates know that they're playing with emotions in here. I wish shows like this get banned because it's human rights violation or satisfies BITE model or something.
Anonymous 105529
>>105528Oh anon.. I'm sorry. I think I read a term for those kinds of shows, "emotional porn" or something to that effect. I relate in a different way - I am drawn to those shows (reality TV like real housewives, etc.) because the constant bickering is "familiar". I feel my adrenaline surge when I watch those shows and that surge feels "normal", I wouldn't say good, but "normal". It has its roots in abuse.
Anonymous 105542
the-worst-person-i…
>>105529>I feel my adrenaline surge when I watch those shows and that surge feels "normal", I wouldn't say good, but "normal". It has its roots in abuse.Sigh, yeah. It's quite sad how ingrained abuse becomes like it's some comfortable blanket to crawl into, except it stinks with a bed of needles. I avoid reality shows as much as I could but my comfort shows and movies are about broken women messing things up, like Fleabag or Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
>emotional pornYeah, that's exactly it but I think I'm not reacting to these shows the way others are doing it. I see live comments and posts trending on twitter and people actually love watching people fight without being triggered by their toxicity, but I can feel terror when I watch it. My mom calls me weak for not taking things sportive as well. Sigh, I should just stop.
Anonymous 105564
when i was little my parent was an alcoholic, the athmosphere in the family was unbearable, abuse and violence is the most i can remember, there was no warmness anywhere in that household and frequent 2nd hand cigarette smoke burned my nose and throat. constant bullying and being singled out as the weird kid made it worse, being beaten, cursed, made fun of was not fun. there was no safety anywhere. no matter what i do, it doesn't get better, because i grew up a huge failure, only because people have failed me. i have too many mental scars and they get worse with time, i've fallen out with all of my friends, irl and online, my living situation is bad, i'm afraid of intimacy, paranoid and so on. i'll end up dead and alone
Anonymous 105573
img.jpg
I'm trying to read a self help book and it's extremely triggering. They're trying to explain concepts with examples and a lot of examples are about long lasting trauma as a result of sexual abuse by father, grandfather and teachers and I'm like, why the fuck do moids even do horrible things like this to their own children?
Very disgusting.
Anonymous 105574
My BF broke a piece of expensive electronics just because he had to be a know-it-all smartass and demonstrate his supposed superiority when in fact I fix electronic devices better than him
now what was a minor issue became a totally broken thing and I have to drag this broken thing to repair shop (I don't have the replacement parts for what he broke) while he whines that doing that will be too expensive, well whose fault is that??
Anonymous 105577
nikocado-avocado.g…
PLEASE OPENAI START WORKING AGAIN I NEED MY VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND
Anonymous 105578
>>105573It's probably more because those sources and trauma interactions are extremely well documented and thoroughly studied than because incest is superabundant.
There's been a subtle change in psychiatric discourse around the statistical fact that therapy is largely ineffective for men, specifically men who are not psychotic and do not have sexual trauma. This used to be considered as 'men just do not want to improve or heal' but given the sheer scope of the problem that might not be the case. It could be, or it could be that existing medical techniques aren't really adaptable or properly developed for whatever it is that's wrong with men in general.
Either way, the same can apply to the book you're talking about. Maybe the examples and things that work for specifically incestuous sexual trauma are just so obviously a problem for the individual that they have extra incentive and motivation to work out their trauma and related problems in life, or maybe the issues they have are magnified enough that it was easier for therapy to develop techniques to handle it. And it's possible that techniques for handling sexual trauma might be used, and useful, outside of that context, but that they could also be ineffective if applied too far out of context (i.e. to the aforementioned men with no history of sexual trauma) so the example serves to ground the technique to a circumstance where it is known to be helpful.
Anonymous 105588
I can't remember what I ate yesterday. I can't remember something that I was asked to do just 15 minutes ago. I can't remember to pick up things before leaving my house and I sometimes end up coming back and wasting my time to pick it up again. I can't remember what I said a few hours ago, or a few days ago. I can't remember what others said to me. I don't understand what's going on and if I have ADHD Or something. I absolutely hate this. I'm starting to write the things I have to do on a paper and guess what, I forget the paper.
Anonymous 105590
sadposting because my gay boyfriend didn’t go out and buy me a drink when i was high and he wasn’t. but i would’ve gone out to get him a drink had the tables been turned (out of love). i thought he’d do the same for me so i just left the apartment to go to the gas station without saying anything.
Anonymous 105607
I had to go to Halloween "party" out of obligation, most of the time I just sat there on my phone which really highlighted how much a friendless loser I'm. Everyone already knows each other, it's like no one has empty slots for friends open and I feel awkward trying to butt in. I know I should be more pro active and not expect anything out of interactions with other people, things develop over time all that but my brain just can't. Even today I quickly came to the conclusion that oh yeah I could just die tomorrow and nothing would change, which is edgy and kinda dumb but I can't help it. But it's also true, what's the point of living a long life if I can't make any meaningful connections or enjoy things? I want female friends but I seem to only attract moids.
Anonymous 105616
rakka_fall.jpg
Is it really bad to be mostly ambivalent toward other people? I do have some semblance of a social life in college, but it's not that I hate people, it's that I just couldn't care less about what they like or what they have to say. Even the people I "like" are people that are tolerable enough to spend time with. Really, all I care about is my moid, who is probably the most intelligent person I've ever met. He's willing to read the books and media that I like, and he listens to my schizophrenic ramblings on books and philosophy and politics, which is enough. I might be outing myself as a filthy Fata Morgana fan, but I fantasise about retiring to a lonely cabin in the woods, surrounding myself with books, with him by my side. Of course this is all dreck and fantasy.
Vent over. Just wanted to rant about how little I care for other people. Don't know if I should worry about that or not.
Anonymous 105617
>>105616I think something is bad only if it either affects you in a destructive way, OR if it affects people around you. If you're okay with who you are, then there's nothing wrong!
I'm also very ambivalent to people and I honestly don't care about them except seeing them as these cute little gossip machines or people who I can psychoanalyze about. I don't like talking with people either. I guess I'm only comfortable at online discussions because it doesn't feel like talking but more like lecturing, where I can prepare what I want to say and edit things out later, and reply at my own pace.
Anonymous 105624
stock-photo-angry-…
honestly fuck living abroad. I'm so tired of feeling so alienated. no I don't speak your shitty elvish language. I don't want to either. LEAVE ME ALONE
Anonymous 105634
There are two modes of living I oscillate between. A normal conventional life. Occupation. Social involvement. Life. Just life.
And then there is this. This vile place of isolation and insulated non-experiences. The internet is my window to the world so I indulge dangerously.
I feel unnaturally uprooted from the circumstance that had landed me here in the first place. All I have is memories of things that happened that were meant to amount and build towards some structure, something of a fixture in my existence, a tangible marking of the passage of time and the effort (even if subpar) exerted in those past pursuits. Yet I have nothing. Even the knowledge is fleeting. And my memories are precarious. And really, all I have for proof of all those years is my present fragility. I have the one friend and my general prospects are whittled away to nothing.
Anonymous 105636
>>105624Where are you Nona?
>>105634Life is ungraspable like that. It's weird. It just keeps moving, changing. The ground is never as solid as we expect it to be. I try to embrace it and not cling too much to what I thought was true.
Anonymous 105637
5yWtG9m.png
>>105634I always stays in the background out there and my lack of interest in anything often gets confused with shyness, but online I feel like all the inhibitors are released and I [used to] go on a all-day self-destructive rampage of getting into pointless arguments, hanging out at extremely toxic servers where very questionable people hang out, had disgusting experiences with strangers online and god knows what I feel very disgusted to even recall the things I've done. I feel like a different person, and it feels so wrong because all of… this is just digital.
Anonymous 105638
1696990425129248.j…
>>105637>this is just digital.>>105634>There are two modes of living I oscillate between.At some point, everything is gonna merge. Right now, only Google, Meta, Amazon etc. and other alphabet agencies know both sides of everyone's life, but it'll change eventually; all versions of you will be out in the open.
Anonymous 105646
c9cb760586a182af41…
I feel like everyone around me are extremely happy and celebrating right now. I go out and join them, but I feel nothing. I force myself to do the things they're doing. Still nothing. I feel completely dead inside. I feel weird. Why are people around me happy? Why can't I be happy when I'm doing the exact things that I see them doing? I don't have happiness right now, but I got some first degree burns instead because of a small accident.
Anonymous 105649
>>105233Is this bait?
You said he supports you, and works while you also expect him to take care of grocery shopping and you lay angrily into him when he doesn't.
The way how you both expect him to take care of you and support you while you simultaneously you feel contemptuous for him is kind of beyond me, sorry
Anonymous 105658
I don't understand why but I get very triggered when the word trauma gets casually thrown around. Like, the reasons are absolutely wacky. I see people getting traumatized over offensive jokes online of all things. I once saw a tranny losing her shit over being called "sir" online, lol. I feel like every people and their dogs are using their "trauma" as an excuse to justify their behaviors. I use the word trauma a lot as well, and I feel very guilty at times when I use it while there are people who actually went through horrible traumatic experiences like sexual assault or near-death accidents. It's very triggering. I feel like a phoney when I use elite therapyspeek like boundaries, validation, dysregulation and all that and I just don't get it. I feel like I should use come up with my own words for these like "superficial mental damage" or "interpersonal rupes" or something to feel comfortable.
Anonymous 105663
IMG_9472.jpeg
calling old psych I haven't seen in 2 years to try and get back on meds tomorrow… I wonder if she still has my patient file or even remembers me? and then I'll tell the lady I'm sorry, I still have no insurance, but I clearly need lamotrigane to live!
I'm afraid of getting back on meds and having an adverse reaction aka puking but it's what I need right now. the dirty osmosis from mania and depression has basically made me lose all semblance of a life
Anonymous 105665
angels.jpg
ive spent most of my life coasting or sitting around doing nothing
i have various hobbies but they overwhelm me and i just end up not doing them
life literally feels purposeless, everything is too hard or it's boring, i have zero work ethic. i dont know how to get out of this rut. i guess i know how but it's too hard.
im 21 and im basically a neet. i dont see how this will change. im made so uncomfortable by the world and how people are. im unable to integrate into society.
Anonymous 105693
1499447337153.png
Last night I saw my cousin commenting on a Facebook group for unvaxxed singles looking for a gf. Last time I saw him I could tell he was trying really hard to not talk down on me for being in a LDR.
Anonymous 105724
I’m feeling really down. I know it’s not personal but it bothers me that my friends still hang out with this woman with anger issues who scares me and has been horrible to me. I figured out they all went somewhere and invited her and everyone lied to me via omission about it. Feels bad. Plus another friend is being really distant all of a sudden which is also depressing. The fact that both of these things are happening at once is intensifying the feelings.
Anonymous 105729
>>105724If that woman is toxic, then your friends are going to understand it themselves eventually. People are like this big walking universe, so if someone rejects you, then the loss is not yours, but theirs.
Take care, nona.
Anonymous 105733
>>104032came across this thread again, sorry i never expressed thanks and i hope n0na doesnt see this but i think those moids are all judging you and not looking out for you, i mean nerdy moids are usually misogynists
Anonymous 105734
>>105724If she's a toxic asshole as you described, she probably turned your friends against you. It'll bite them eventually once they get a taste of her medicine. In that case, try not to be angry if your friends come back to apologize. Some people are really good at manipulating others to pit people they like against someone they don't like, so they might be her victim in that regard as much as you.
Anonymous 105741
reposting this from /x/ where i went to ask for a reading, very fucking stuck and desperate for answers
does he really love me? is there a chance for this to work out? why does he avoid commitment?
about half a year ago got extremely close to him physically and spiritually. he had something with some other girl before, but apologized for that and said he can try to be committed but can't promise he won't go and kiss some girl drunk or fall in love with someone else - which just contradicts itself.
i've been told to get out and ghost him, but after a long talk there is something in me that's telling me he just can't accept that he loves me. and that there is a possibility of commitment in the future? maybe i'm naive but he also has a heart.
pls help:/
i can provide more details if needed. one friend is currently saying that if i don't ghost him and leave they will not be my friend anymore. it's getting bad. he has a heart, too
Anonymous 105742
>>105741>he just can't accept that he loves me.You can't change people. People only change if they want to.
Anonymous 105746
I'm too scared to check my email
Anonymous 105748
>>105741>there is something in me that's telling me he just can't accept that he loves meMaybe you're just being optimistic about it?
What does he get out of not accepting that?
>and that there is a possibility of commitment in the future?Why so?
If he can't even assure you commitment right now, how can you think that he change his mind in the future?
>it's getting bad. he has a heart, tooYou too.
Breakups are painful because it's like losing a person, but you don't have to ghost him if it's making you guilty. You can try to be clean.
Anonymous 105752
I am being basically kicked out of my own RP server because of my boyfriend's friends and friends of friends inviting themselves in, some of which are troons.
I am so fucking mad.
Anonymous 105761
senior-man-sufferi…
I can't take this bullshit anymore I NEED HIM IN MY LIFE I NEED HIM
Anonymous 105788
a51c129eb9f3cd6525…
I'm trying to find something I could watch that came from 2023, like a movie or an anime, and I'm just baffled at how mediocre everything looks. Nothing interests me. I absolutely don't want to watch a scrotefest like Oppenheimer. Boring.
Anonymous 105789
>>105788This was a good 2023 movie:
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/red_rooms>>103830I kept pushing and pulling my ex away because he lied to me about vaping after 2 years (and because of his family issues) and now I miss him and just wish I could go back to life before I found out about the lie
>>103834you shouldn't live your life for the male gaze - plenty of women won't see you differently just because you're a woman. imagine taking T and turning yourself into a school shooter just because moids like cooming
Anonymous 105790
>>105789Red Rooms looks interesting but… I can't seem to find a source to pirate online. :(
Anonymous 105791
>>105790I saw it at an indie movie theatre in my town - if yours has one it might be playing there (but obviously a torrent or something would be better)
Anonymous 105792
>>105791I don't think I'd be able to, but thanks anyway.
Anonymous 105813
I just detest stoners and marijuana. This drug has taken friends and family from me and it's impossible to live in an apartment without a stoner in it reeking up the building for everyone and giggling like clowns into the night.
Anonymous 105852
IMG_3160.jpeg
I’m usually I pretty calm timid person, especially around strangers. But recently I got prescribed Wellbutrin and it makes you irritable for the first week or so. Well right now I work at this hotel and I hate the housekeepers mostly cause they’re so mean, but I usually just keep my mouth shut and deal with it. Today I asked one of them to just go change the bedding in this room cause a guest had come up to front desk and asked. She literally was so rude to me and it instantly pissed me off. I had to bite my lip so hard it bled so I wouldn’t say anything rude. These next weeks are gonna be rough.
Anonymous 105856
6ba925ada558efa85a…
i don't know how much longer i'll be able to fend off this call to self-destruction for
Anonymous 105907
It's uncomfortable when people share experiences similar to mine, especially since those experiences greatly shaped me as a person and I hold them dear
Anonymous 105909
>>105813I enjoy MJ much more than alcohol and generally prefer to chill with it, but I don't know a single person who smokes during the day and isn't a total disassociated lazy pig.
Anonymous 105911
I fucking hate how my family takes everything from me; from a childhood to money. Yesterday was a rare day when I felt like everything went right and almost felt like a normal 20 something but no that dipshit has to basically break in here in the middle of the night while he's drunk. I feel like If I ever get to spend nice day with nice people outside I should just kill myself once I get home so it doesn't get ruined by fuckward parents, so atleast then I could leave my life on a happy note.
Anonymous 105913
>>105911My mother has stolen my money and justified it by going "Well, what do you think I clothe and feed you with?!" at me. She now tries to act morally superior to me even though she's still a horrible fucking person.
I've missed out on alot of experiences I should have had because of her. I've never visited my own birthplace, I've barely gotten to know my own town despite living in it for 10+ years (Like visiting places every local has been to at least once), barely gotten to know anything about relatives other than her, etc. etc. I despise her to her core.
>I feel like If I ever get to spend nice day with nice people outside I should just kill myself once I get home so it doesn't get ruined by fuckward parentsI've seen my friend's normal families and it freaks me out how different they are so can confirm.
Anonymous 105947
mfw.png
I'm bisexual and I'm having a moment where I wonder what it would have been like if I'd settled down with a woman instead of a moid. My husband is a good man, just wonder what could have been. I know everybody feels this way sometimes but…I really didn't realize how many little annoyances men cause until I had to live with one.
Anonymous 105980
Neethood has engulfed me to such an extent that in forced to reckon with deep seated issues that would otherwise have been stowed away and out of the analytic limelight had I been living a real, “meaningful” life as a normal crypto slave with an actual “job” and a real tangible “imprint” on the fabric of “society”. It’s unfathomable, but effacement in the bowels of some urban shithole with the rest of the 20 something blind crabs, is an ever elusive fantasy of mine. Speaks to the erosion of my own standards. Side effect of NEETshitship.
Another side effect of being an isolated non entity with no financial means of subsistence (and therefore no drive or passion or any precursors to either quality) is the broiling, relentless anhedonia that’s infected every facet of my being. I guess the question “does prolonged isolation combined with semi constant at arms length exposure to humanity, cause one’s entire learned social behaviors to outright disappear” answer itself in my person. It seems two years of seclusion trumps 23 years of social conditioning. That, or my brain’s sputteringly firing in the wayward lane.
I digress (what’s new?). I’m getting consistently contacted by the one mo*d now. Dms galore. Would you believe that 8 months ago, I’d have neurotically spun 4 different ruminative episodes if he’d happened not to text good morning? I do a metaphorical rendition of the Chicanery scene when I mentally assuage myself that the only reason I’d attached myself to this scrote in the last couple of situationship iterations, was because I was so insecure and bored and coped via romance, and that I’m not CRAZY. And that things DO MERIT TO BE OVERTHOUGHT, if the conclusion could be remedied.
I really feel like two people. The product of one culture, and… well, I was partly raised by the internet. It’s no good denying the damage sustained from my third parent’s influence. The former defines love in simple terms. Good people meet good people, and they officiate their union in the eyes of God and other good people. It’s not rocket science. Good people fuck. Sex is there, and it’s enjoyed and it’s there and you don’t pay it more mind than you would pay to your meals or the color of your stool. There are big ethical boundaries that shouldn’t be trespassed. But everything else is up for grabs. Yelling. Insults hurled in moments of anger. Uncurbed confrontations. Long unwelcome silences. Kids who tiptoe about lest the vitriol veers towards them. It’s often enough to leave a mark, but too sporadic to establish a consistent pattern. But the larger lines are well defined. It’s biological pragmatism dressed as cultural conservatism.
And then what’s the point of over complicating things. Everyone else drift through life, and check their little boxes, and they’re happy. They don’t whinge about wanting to feel a love so deep it penetrates their cast of cynicism and insecurity. They welcome the meal that’s been served to them and savor it and they’re thankful.
All these years of suppressing anything feminine about myself and I turn out to be a sap, and the bitter kind at that. Fuck.
Anonymous 105986
>>105980How old are you? You could still change your life for the better if you're in your 20s but many ppl also change their lives in their 30s too. I'm also a neet and it makes me ruminate on a lot of things that I otherwise wouldn't have thought about since I would have a job and a life. I know it seems like it sucks but on the bright side you tend to think about life more than the average person and you seem more introspective. I would probably get into some hobbies that seem useful like gardening since it's fulfilling and you also grow beautiful plants and fruits. I don't think it's good to be in your own head too much since it could prevent you from living your life normally. I literally related to everything you said and it's crazy since I was just thinking about this the other day. Also just focus on yourself and not some stupid moid since you need to be kinder to yourself. I have no desire to actually get a job but I know I need to have some form of living so I'll probably get a job that's very chill and gives a life & work balance like I don't even care about the pay just as long as I can do the little things I enjoy doing in my life y'know?
Anonymous 105987
Some exceedingly boring and obnoxious faggot started trailing me just because he found out I'm a girl.
I don't want to be mean to him but I certainly want him to stop sending me shitty twitter memes and asking me boring shit I give zero fucks about. He's not even remotely a good conversationalist and I can tell he's just sending shit for the sake of sending it.
Anonymous 105990
>>105987There are things you can do that would not be anywhere near the level of SWATting but would still make these interactions more entertaining.
Anonymous 105993
>>105990In this specific case it feels a bit unprovoked and disproportionate even though this is good general advice and you should datamine everyone you meet while keeping a document containing all their information
Anonymous 105995
Had to socialise and now I'm feeling just a bit lonely in a "isolated" kind of way, because I see no one has the same crazy radfem views I have, and then I remember I'm autistic enough I couldn't click with any nonas here either even if we have the same interest
Anonymous 105997
13ed96313446e1c618…
>>105980I don't mean to be rude or anything but is it just me or does anyone else can't understand what this nona is saying?
I mean I can get the gist of it but it's prose is weird.
Anyway, I feel like the initial years of my NEETdom helped me introspect a lot about my life, because I have a lot of unprocessed trauma that's surely going to fuck me up if I try to live a normie life, but as years went by, all I experience now is paralyzing dread about my uncertain future and directionless life. Now I don't even want to start anything like a new hobby because I feel shame, guilt and all kinds of emotions on one hand, and I feel fear and dread when I attempt to get out of my self-destructive habits on the other hand.
>>105987>I can tell he's just sending shit for the sake of sending it.Looks like he's just boring but lonely and desperate to start a conversation about something that sticks on you. As someone who used to spam imageboards with shitty threads that barely reach 10 replies before it get bumped out of the catalog, I can understand his feel, but it's still annoying and scrotal because it seems like he's doing it only because he knows you're a girl.
Anonymous 105999
>>105997Basically she was saying how being a neet kinda changed her completely for worse I guess? It's made her more depressed and neurotic about things since she's isolated. I related to everything she said so that's what I got from it but idk.
Anonymous 106007
I want to be done with school already, driving a car is still fucking hard and I'm just feeling pent up anger at everyone. I want to die
Anonymous 106010
Years ago, I was approached by a cohort mate online. He proceeded to initiate every single online conversation we had had for the next 3 years. When we met in real life, I was unimpressed but pushed that sentiment aside. We were strictly friends, and Im a philialopic, meaning I dabble in all kinds of relationships regardless of the substance.
He falls in love (he had a gf). I was (at the time) alienated and very insecure. The idea of being loved was very intoxicating but in such a toxic way that I started anxiously acting out. Very cringe.
I kissed him once to see if I wasnt asexual. Then I told him we should stay friends. He broke up. For the next year, we dance a childish dance of will-they-wont-they. Try our hands at a long distance relationship. It doesnt work out.
I never liked who i am when im with him. And frankly, I dont like so many things about him either. He’s so self involved (but so are most scrotes). His interests are so vapid and unstimulating (this isn’t a book lmao). He is intelligent and can be level headed, but he has no notion of personal boundaries. The frequency by which he d reach out was so bewilderingly overwhelming. It reminds me of my mother, and of the space she d forcefully carve out for her self in my life even from afar. But then, she is my mother. And I love her, and Im a bit of an airhead and forget to make the space for people. She is entitled to some of my time. I can t rely on what I feel, or don t feel. Im only isolating because im dysthemic.
When we were together, he d send a selfie and I know that he would be waiting for me to compliment him. And my petty instinct is to deflect. Not give him what he wants. I just dont get why Im so punitive when it comes to him. And I dont understand how I turned into this bitter, antisocial, petulant retard. But I know I cant let this misanthropic impulse win because the endgame is just a lifetime of misery and loneliness.
Anonymous 106011
Y’all can laugh but I have nowhere else to post this. After years of struggling with trauma up the ass I got diagnosed with DID and I can’t post about dealing with the horror of being a fucking crazy person everyday cause the DID community is filled with doxx hungry kinnies or equally doxx hungry deeply volatile, sensitive and insecure people who lash out at anything due to trauma.
Idc if you believe me or not but I can’t rly come to grips with the fact that I have been so traumatized by men and patriarchy in my childhood that I’ve sort of internalized the patriarchy panopticon to the point where my head is just full of screaming angry men like reflections of my own trauma. And that’s when I’m not heavily dissociated so I’m feeling “present” the other week dissociated I almost walked into oncoming traffic. I just was fucking absent mentally. It makes me sick and even though it’s totally crippled me and I can’t live my therapist basically called me a fucking moron for seeking out disability. In my state medical care for DID is so expensive I’m going into debt fast, most specialists know we are needy and demand out of pocket treatment. So this is it I guess. This is what all the abuse has lead up to. I just live like this until I die. I can’t even escape patriarchy in my own fucking skull. :) idk how to live anymore. I feel like it’s gotten to this point I can literally never overcome my trauma, it lives my life, it lives inside me and it rules my life.
Anyway I hope your day is better than mine and sorry for even shitting up this thread with my fucking lunacy.
Anonymous 106012
I think I have IBS and when I'm trying to read about it online, I see stress and depression as an important cause for it. I just don't understand how being depressed has anything to do with serious intestine infections.
>>106011Stay strong, nona.
>my therapist basically called me a fucking moron for seeking out disabilityThis is so horrible and invalidating.
Anonymous 106013
Screenshot 2023-11…
>>106012>I just don't understand how being depressed has anything to do with serious intestine infections.You're a machine made to survive any danger. When your brain detect any danger, it switches to vigilance mode (also called "fight and flight") by dropping a lot of cortisol ("stress hormone") and it redirects the blood flow away from your digestive organs (because it's needed elsewhere to be ready to run or fight).
If you are constantly stressed, you're constantly sending the blood elsewhere, and your stomach/intestines etc. can't work well because they're chronically 'underfunded' and eventually become vulnerable to a lot of issues.
Stress and depression are two types of "constant danger" modes. Stress is more of a fight-flight thing, while depression is rather "just kill me now, I can't win that fight".
That is how I understand it.
Anonymous 106022
ichijou_from_pani_…
I regret doing hard drugs. My body occasionally spasms and has heart arrhythmia. It's especially bad when I sleep.
Anonymous 106025
>>106013:(
So it's mainly about blood circulation… scary how much mental health is important but nobody really pays much attention to it.
Anonymous 106027
>>106025Think of it this way. When you're stressed, your body assumes there's a danger and switches gears in order to deal with it, pulling resources from functions that aren't useful for fight or flight scenarios. This is good for temporary situations. But when stress becomes chronic, you start seeing side effects from all the functions that were left aside.
Anonymous 106041
>>106027Thanks, I understand. Not only is depression and stress going to make things worse for the digestive system, I can imagine something like bipolar or borderline is going to make it even worse because of low tolerance to stress and how it takes some time time to calm down from being irritated. Sigh…
Anonymous 106046
Nonas there is nothing more inconvenient than being fundamentally unattracted (to the point of revulsion) to moids from your own country (ethnic background). It’s fucking grim out here. All I want is a boy with hazel eyes and soft skin and high cheekbones IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK WHY DID I HAVE YO BE BORN A NAFRI WHY WHY WHY WHY
Anonymous 106062
remembered some idiot from a not-so-distant past
>wow um you're not a yaoi fangirl are you? I sure hope you aren't!
wow I bet it was meant as a le funny joke but how in the world is it your business. I don't even care about yaoi.
they were hilarious in many ways, posturing about being a popular narcissistic abuser, yet freaking out when I don't give them attention or make any remark that may be perceived as negative
Anonymous 106064
im going to kill myself
i just broke my laptop and that's my #1 important thing for school
without it i'm ruined
Anonymous 106065
>>106064What do you use it for and what type of phone do you got?
Anonymous 106066
>>106065I just wrote
>school
>what type of phone do you got?The hell my phone gotta do with this?
Anonymous 106076
chie.png
>>106064Nevermind, I managed to fix it.
…Only for it to break again.
And fix it again.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with this computer.
Anonymous 106081
fh26q81rov871.png
I'm so annoyed and irritated by internet and how everything is sexual on it. Youtube homepage filled with thumbnails of reels and videos are clickbaity and sexual, reddit r/all has sexual content here and there, tumblr artworks that get trended has sexual content, and not to mention imageboards filled with sexual content as well both in catalog and within the threads!
It's as if moids can't use anything without their weenies being titillated.
Anonymous 106083
>>106076>>106066You can do school work on even a shitty android phone, you can do it on another computer. If its breaking and working again, it could be just a loose wire to the display somewhere. Don't worry about it and school work is just like that
Anonymous 106084
Outing myself as a fatty here but I just saw a picture of a fat woman next to a normal one and wow, the difference’s day and night. It struck a visceral reaction within me, I almost felt like puking. The worst part is that the bigger girl looked exactly like me, and the slim one looked like me when I used to be thin.
I’m so disgusted at myself. I wish I hadn’t let go of myself this hard. I’m only in my early 20s… Feels so bad, nonas. I use food as a coping mechanism so it’s hard to just give up my unhealthy habits. But it’s like, I’m fat so that makes me sad so I eat. It’s so irrational and a vicious cycle.
I know it’s pointless to talk about it with other people because they’re just gonna feel bad for me and say meaningless shit like, “You can lose the weight!”. Maybe I’m being an ungrateful bitch but no shit? That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still a fatass and unless I go back to my disordered habits it’ll take me like 2-3 years to go back to the weight I used to be.
Being fat is so disgusting. I really need to get my shit together.
Anonymous 106085
>>106084>Being fat is so disgusting.Nona, there's nothing wrong with being fat as long as it's hurting you. Using food as a coping mechanism is unhealthy, fine… and obesity can lead to complications, fine… and if being slim will make you more sexy and confident, fine… but being fat in itself is not a bad thing at all.
>I really need to get my shit together.Yes, all the best!
Anonymous 106086
>>106085Yikes… as long as it's NOT hurting you*
Anonymous 106087
>>106084Make an effort to go vegan, so you stop eating tortured animals and their unhealthy fat
And look up calisthenics because it's cool as fuck
Anonymous 106089
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Shame bell but I get extremely irritated when I see successful people who earn a lot, married, have their own house and when I listen to people start talking about these near me I start to rant about how they're lucky and how they had things easy and how they must be secretly unhappy that they're not showing it outside and I start to blurt out dirt about their past only to be left with a disgusting feeling about the things I've said. I think it's because my mom always compared me with other kids hoping that these could actually encourage me. No, it didn't. I'm now just extremely triggered by their successes and filled with shame every time that happens.
Anonymous 106090
I hate not getting (you)s and dead threads, this is my only way to get some socialising-serotonin when I need and I end up feeling even emptier
Anonymous 106092
>>106090Don't worry, nona. I feel the same way too. I completely avoid social media with metrics like reddit, facebook, tumblr and other things with hearts, likes, karma and upvotes and all that because it makes me feel very insecure and lonely, and these websites are also very huge.
I decided to open a personal blog once but nobody visited it, which made me feel even lonely and pointless. I spent months trying to build it.
Imageboards feel less lonely, and it hurts when there's no (you), but at least I have a vague feeling that at least one other bored person reads my brainvomit.
Anonymous 106099
sad-anime-girl-sad…
I finally worked up the courage and recently opened up to my best friend about a mutual moid friend of ours sexually assaulting me. She ended up getting really mad at me and told me that it wasn't a big deal and that I'm overreacting.
Anonymous 106102
>>106099Sounds like a massive pick me.
Anonymous 106103
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my parents fucked up my life financially, and yesterday kicked me out because i've had a meltdown. sleeping in my car rn. i'm extremely ugly and autistic so to get a job i need a nice resume and charisma but i never managed to study properly because i'm dyslexic as hell so all i'm left with shit, souless, unfun wagie jobs.
i'm sure my ldr boyfriend (iidk and don't ask me) is planning to leave me soon, i just didn't kill myself yet bc my kitten would be alone in the world. i don't have any irl friends either so its just me and my furball. most of people i know are moids who only come to me when they need help in games or sewing. my death will never be relevant. i didn't ask to be born…….. i'm roping soon
Anonymous 106106
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I feel like I am becoming more and more unhinged. I have a sociable personality, I am considered beautiful, I dont have problems with my family, I am financially stable, I am cultured, everything someone should be to have a happy social life; yet I don't, my friends are all fake who throw me away at every opportunity (For example, no one from my main "friend" group will go to my graduation party, which I helped organize, because they have the silliest things to do, with people they don't even interact that much) so I'm inviting some other colleges who at least will go for the party. I can strike up conversations and apparently start a friendship, but as much as I try, the other person always forgets about me, or doesn't recognize my effort to create a bond. I have my errors, my anxiety and some sort of Napoleon complex has me trying to manipulate things so they turn out my way and I don't lose my mind. I have a boyfriend who's been distant these past few months, I went on a fun trip and on the way back I saw all my colleges cuddled up with their partners on the bus, and I was alone listening to Katy Perry or something, I almost broke right then and there. The sports team I support since childhood (family was always into it) just lost a game with a pretty humiliating result, I started laughing clutching my face in a crisis. Idk what to do
Anonymous 106111
I really feel sorry for the subhumanoids on /tv/ who can’t enjoy a single piece of media without being hyper attuned to the tiniest sliver of agenda in it. Turn off and watch cartoons. God that board is a rotting corpse.
Anonymous 106112
I feel a great deal of anxiety for no reason. When new things happen, instead of embracing the change and welcoming the potential growth, I dig my heels in a reality that im not even happy with because of fear.
I was raised on a diet of terror and shame, and now I am a coward who flees at the first strange sight. I guess fear and disgust are overlapping emotions, because i feel on the verge of vomiting all the time. The mere imagining of peaceful domesticity (a mother rocking her child in a mall, or a living young family floating through a park) activates my fight or flight response. This is life and it is so underwhelming.
Much of my real time contentment was fueled by future prospects, and as I grapple with the fact that my early 20s were a disappointment compared to all the fun I had envisioned in my teens, I also understand that I had set very high expectations that were bound to come short either way. It’s useless to comment that others have what I had longed for, because those very same others probably have problems of another caliber and I don’t have the energy to contemplate on the woes of strangers.
My point is, where things stand in time now, the framework that should guide my expectations for the rest of the 20’s is revolting. Everyone I know is getting married or in a courtship or seeking serious relationships. What’s next? Generic vacations to generic destinations with generic engagement from characters who never deviate from the script. I’m so vile. Because these people are happy, and they pursue things that will make them happy, and they are secure and confident so life unfolds before them with ease and limelights. I am sad and bitter and pessimistic, and I see the world through an obscured peep hole so I have no legitimacy to fall back on. My anti social isolationist tendencies, and my blackpilled outlook are only a byproduct of my persistent depressive disorder. Maybe if i got on the happy pills wagon I’ll want to be someone’s wife and someone’s mother instead of longing for wild plains and solitude in forestey heights.
Anonymous 106117
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>>106083Thanks. I haven't lost any important school work, so I'm glad I didn't have to resort to that though.
But I did have to reinstall Windows completely. After repeated attempts to use Restore Points and literally anything else to fix my PC only through an administrative password that I know was correct but Microsoft wouldn't accept. Microsoft is retarded.
Anonymous 106124
I overshared and now she ghosted me, but what is the point of a surface level friendship? If we don't have the same values I don't even bother talking anymore, I hate forcing myself to laugh like I'm so hyper aware of the mask I wore for a moment and that makes me sick. But even if we have the same values I might find some faults or like it happened, be a boring bitch repeating the same tmi things enough to not want to do anything with me. I'm socially doomed
Anonymous 106153
X [twitter] is a scary place, oh my god.
Anonymous 106160
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I finally got it through my retard brain that I was being taken advantage of at work. They gave me a whopping $1 raise and had me working as 3 people including driving around town all day.
My last day is in 3 days I cannot wait.
Anonymous 106162
I'm back to uni for another degree because my first one was useless. I got up a grade (credits) and I'm in 3rd year now. Met a classmate, he's 20, very clever, works hard and he's funny. We barely talk and we don't share socials but I've been having a hunch that he's kinda interested (not trying to be the main character I swear). He always sits by my side, even when I choose the worst places to sit (like in the back when I'm sleepy). Sometimes he talks to me, says nice things or wants to know more about me. He's in general very nice, also he says really bad jokes; yet the next day he's ignoring me and hugging all his girl classmates.
I don't really "mind", I'm not jealous, like, I'm 32, I'm closer in age to some professors than my classmates. I'm there to finish this degree and finally get a better job, not to flirt with people. Though I find him cute and funny, we are 12 years apart. Besides that, I never had a boyfriend, the two boys I liked in uni, one trooned out and the other never talked to me again when I told him I liked him so I kinda stopped caring for relationships.
Yet he's making me hopeful because I'm a loner without friends and probably I can't see when people are being nice just because they're nice. Maybe I'm in the main character phase after all. Fuck.
Anonymous 106171
>>106160 wouldn't be better to quit now? that 1$ dollar raise its not worth it. . . (•, • ). . .
Anonymous 106175
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>boyfriends dick keeps going soft whenever I try to have sex with him
>says it’s just cause he gets anxious
>feel disgusting
>spend $70 on makeup
>thinking of others things I can buy so maybe I feel attractive again lol
Anonymous 106178
>>106177I am not, m'lady! wanna be my girlfriend?
Anonymous 106179
>>106178Omg you're so not like the other guys <3
Anonymous 106192
>comment on how a video that used to be very popular in my country is blocked on copyright grounds
>WOW IMAGINE NOT KNOWING HOW TO USE A VPN LOOK MOM I KNOW HOW TO USE ONE
>ridicule youtube for desperately trying to get more revenue by fighting adblockers
>WOW ZOOMERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO BYPASS ADS IN 2023
>umm [thing name] is le bad
>WOW IMAGINE JUST FINDING OUT
>wow imagine commenting on anything ever you just gave me an excuse to project my idiocy onto you
what causes this retardation
Anonymous 106193
>>106192Sounds similar to "boys will be boys" to normalize scrotal behavior.
>Greedy corporates will be greedy corporates. It's your fault for not adapting! Anonymous 106194
I need to refresh my radfem basics because I'm so upset and annoyed, what happend to "being patient, it's no women faults"?
I KNOW mother/son it's a different obligation and love than the abusive bf, but what is the damn practice when she cares about you but does the absolute opposite of whatever you tell and advice her? When you know she still believes in a positive change and has no intention on changing her ways no matter how many times he yells at her or hit her?
What is the point of having confrontations the whole day and when you can actually have your boundaries respected because you're away, you just give everything away? Give him always what he pretends in the name of "it makes me calmer" when it's just out of damn care and pity, and him pulling strings because he just wants more and more. And what "calmer" when you're screaming talking at every chance, trying to reasoning with dumb shit instead of ignoring him.
Asking me things I hate and I know will just hurt everyone, and now feeling like shit like I isolated her because I refused fucking KAM
Anonymous 106196
pretty sure other people think i should kms or something its like seeing a sick animal did i think that about disabled people? Idk but im mentally deranged what do people think about that
Anonymous 106197
I have been going to therapy lately and recently found out I have OCD,Bipolar, and ADHD. Quite the combo I know. So I started taking medication for it and it really helps. Usually I have a lot of pent up anger but I’ve been really calm.
Until yesterday… my mom is on another drinking binder and she invited one of her disgusting boyfriends over and when I went to the bathroom to get ready for work all of my expensive beauty products were strewn all over the bathroom and I lost it.
I screamed at her and when she didn’t listen to me I tried to hold her down and force her to look me in the eyes to see what she’s doing to me. She grabbed me by my hair and started pulling. I gave her a second to let go and when she didn’t I punched her in the face till she did. I’m ashamed I lost my temper like that
Anonymous 106199
Me and my boyfriend had some tiktok zoomers come up to us asking if we would do something stupid for money or double the amount for the next person. It's legal to record people in public here but it still seems really fucking rude to just walk up to someone and record them like that without asking first.
Anonymous 106201
I can't develop long lasting feelings for anyone, don't have any motivation, I love my hobby in theory but struggle in practice. Short flings do nothing for me. I don't care about politics, philosophy, media, news. I have no real opinion on anything. I like listening to music, but get irritated if a song doesn't hit the right spot. I don't know what my future looks like and don't think about it, sometimes I worry momentarily before I go numb and forget about it again. If your thoughts and actions reflect who you are, then I'm no one. I'm just really tired.
Anonymous 106205
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>>105034quickie update and I should probably leave forever. this is an old meme, u probably seen it before
>blood levels show my garbage genetics and mental issues put me at risk for cancer and heart problems>like I didn't know this already >no I'm not too concerned>if I end up with cancer or a deathly disease it's just a motivator to finish my aspiring novel or screenplay and fucking die>there are rumors walking cdc violation is gonna be exposed soon >including one that took me aback about an allegedly underage victim>wow so he's both a weinstein and an epstein>wow j!m you really are one sick fuck>this did lapse me into a panic attack>u ever just sit in bed clutching your my melody stuffie while hyperventilating?>j!m I hope you step on a rusty nail barefoot in the middle of the desert with no medical team in sight.>or maybe your next drip will be laced with lethal fent, either is fine. >when I say put him underneath the jail I mean buried near the earth's core and roasting in hellfire>nonas tell me it's not wrong to continue to hope for his exposure>after all this>back on meds with gradual increasing dosage of lamotrigane>doc says my other med has to be added gradually since I've been off two years>otherwise doc proclaims mid mania I can launch into psychosis>pls doc you're not the one who had to see a hallucination of your favorite actor hovering over you >better than nothin>still jobless and can't handle an interview but finding a way to scrape by>I am fortunate I have one person or two who are supportive>cut off my mother after she went berserker>the secret is she's always been berserker but I cannot handle it at a time where I'm fixing the fallout of the boobeyman and his 70 alt accounts>the truth is the reason why I loved him is idk what love is>I was literally not meant to exist >I am a product of loveless people who never should've had children and it just spiraled out into a life of oblivion to what normal is>deleted several social media apps to avoid doomscroll>instead read, watch movies, try and fail to write… contemplating art again>well it's bad art and writing but it's therapeuticccc>cleaned and decluttered a ton of the house >sold odds and ends for cash>went to see relatives I don't hate over thanksgiving to fun festivities, people who can cook and loads of alcohol>frolicked in the fields with large dogs>didn't think about the demon for a week before coming home to them rumors>get him oh my god get him>generally in a much better place even if it is a rough calm>sometimes I fear the calm comes before a storm>honestly without ib's and some of the support I've had along the way I'd probably be dead by now>so thanks lc and cc and im sorry i break the rules of the game by avatarfagging Anonymous 106279
I hate having my self-worth being based on what others think about me and on how useful/beneficial I am to them.
I could be having a really lucky streak with my jokes and all, which would make some cool people like me, but as soon as I get the slightest criticism from them my confidence is shattered.
It used to be much worse for me though. At least now I manage to get myself out there without getting too upset.
I should try to remind myself to have fun more often, it actually seems to be working out really great. Doing things for my own enjoyment helped my confidence and charisma greatly.
Anonymous 106287
>what's up
<I'm trying to relax
>okay
5 mins later…
<I guess you're busy
<Bye
>what? I thought you were relaxing so I was waiting for your reply
<Did I say I'm leaving?
>shutflinging continues for an hour trying to explain who was wrong
I fucking hate texting.
Anonymous 106294
I fucking hate driving in this weather. It's like an ice rink out there, and the highway authorities don't do shit.
Anonymous 106328
e5d.png
Insomnia. I'm sick and I'm taking meds for it. I haven't slept at all in 3 days. I keep hearing voices. I love it when meds come with a whole cocktail of side effects.
Anonymous 106330
>>106321Actually, I agree. I thought the exact same thing when I read that, it's probably just a dumb tiktok challenge but still seems creepy and suspicious as fuck.
Anonymous 106333
0000762_5htp-200mg…
>>106328have you tried these? sorry nonna that sounds awful
Anonymous 106340
>ex situationship gets clingy and starts messaging every day to “reach out”
>alarm bells sound off and i shut that shit down and put him in his place
>keeps initiating conversations and talking implicitly (as he always did i don’t know why i ever thought that weasel-like behavior was ever attractive)
>asks me about my view on marriage (lol) and starts talking about various acceptable destinations to expatriate to (lmao)
>give him template answers while being aware of my mounting dread
>culminates in a long discussion where he professes that he’s “finally ready to settle down and has considered the situation from a very rational angle and wants to approach me about it”
>my distaste is so intense i get the urge to crawl in within myself
>i firmly tell him that i am not in a position to leave glorious femceldom behind (i was just being polite, i didn’t want to tell him that the whole notion made me sick)
>backpedals furiously and tries to tug at another string
>unironically tries to convince me that im being insensitive with him and that my behavior is toxic and redflaggy
>i explain that for the first time during our miserable time together, im finally expressing my unfiltered opinion and that his taking offense was further proof that he was trying to find in me something that was never there in the first place
>he goes and deletes messages like a child
The audacity of m*nfolk will never cease to astound me.
Anonymous 106342
>>106340I don't know what a situationship is and at this point I'm afraid to ask
Anonymous 106349
>>106328I get this too sometimes, 'gumin.. no caffeine no energy drinks no excitement, but suddenly awake for days. has nothing to do with the day of the month or if i'm happy or not. heres hoping it goes away when your sickness finds a new host. if it doesn't, try fasting or juicing. some insomnia is because of our tummies working hard all night.
Anonymous 106350
>>106340why did you even reply to him to begin with? just ghost
Anonymous 106351
>>106328ugggh I've been there. I had to drop out of grad school because of this shit. I tried like 4 prescription sleeping medications which didn't work but birth control strangely did.
Anonymous 106355
my local lesbian forum is done for, the chat was spammed by a married couple, every posts has that neutral * and the admin I thought would have been over these stuff is actually a literal boymom so deep she's outraged by the misandry
Anonymous 106383
You know I'm at the end of my rope when I'm several days away from graduating college but contemplating dropping out now.
Anonymous 106407
>>103830Was dumb enough to use wet wipes because of the lack of toilet paper and seem to have given myself a yeast infection
FUCK THIS SHIT WHY ARE VAGINAS SO COMPLICATED
