/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Have you tried IRC?
https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/irc.rizon.net/#tinychan
There's also this which is forced anonymous:
https://sageru.org/irc/
I don't think it works on web clients though.

>>104340
Btw, I made a crystal.cafe channel at irc.sageru.org. Like I said, it's anonymous, but I don't know if there would be enough people interested.

Same here. I think this is a modern internet culture thing. In the early 2000s it was much easier to find people online to regularly socialize with. If I can actually get a nice direct chat with someone it's usually brief and they tend to vanish soon after. And posting in public chats even though I'm trying to be friendly and on topic I rarely get any reply at all. It really gets me down but I don't want to give up. I keep trying new chats and new people hoping something will work eventually. I just don't have friends irl at this point. Being mostly a shutin and having issues with speech makes it extremely unlikely to happen. So online chatting was always easier for me. If anyone knows a discord server or somewhere that actually isn't scared to chat with a random person, feel free to direct me to it.

>>104337
Like >>104354 says, it's just become common nowadays.
That said, I don't think hoping to friends friends inscreen is a good strategy.

>>104354
I feel like it's a constant loop of "ghost them before they ghost you" kind of thing. And no one wants to openly talk about it because it will make you seem desperate. "I don't care if I get ghosted, I don't need anyone anyway/I'll find someone else" is normalized
Besides I think people don't feel like investing into most online friendships if there's no chance of meeting that person irl.

I've done both the ghosting and had been ghosted. I feel like it's quite common, but wow it sure sucks. I wouldn't exactly call it ghosting though but I feel like a lot simply moved on or had to deal with real life.

An e-friend I knew who I thought would be terminally online ended up getting hospitalized for a couple of months and just disappeared. Someone last talked to me about joining uni and that's that.
I got tired of having to babysit an e-friend because I felt like my needs aren't being met, while I'm being an emotional outlet for her and silently ghosted her. I mean, it's not her fault that my needs aren't being met. I simply couldn't find myself asking her to provide me with emotional support when her own life was spiraling down, and I also didn't want to say goodbye and dump her ass so I just silently disappeared without saying anything.
I also ghosted another e-friend because I realized I simply wasn't compatible anymore, because of the age gap probably, and I couldn't spend my time playing games or watching shit without feeling guilty about the meaninglessness of it.
I really want to ghost another person right now but I haven't because I feel like I must make this one count, not be a coward, and end it properly.

I think IRCs and Discord Servers are frustrating. You have to constantly engage with them or else you'd miss out what's going on every day and can't catch up with the injokes and planned activities. Something else that's annoying is how the servers would be dead for like maybe 70% of the time, and then suddenly, sudden bursts of activity.

I'm not sure what to say, because my ability to keep in contact is abominable. It's so bad I haven't talked to pretty much any family member that isn't my mother in months or years. I used to be deeply in love with someone for over four or five years that constantly ghosted and whose ghosting ripped me apart. I met someone a couple of years ago who I thought I developed a very nice friendship with, but who ended up ghosting me over a fuck up I had that was very easily resolvable had she just confronted me rather than disappearing without a word. Yet now I might as well be Casper because all I ever do to people I meet is that. I've truly become what I resented. To be fair, I doubt even half of those people care much about keeping in contact anyway. I'm someone extremely boring, unmemorable, and mentally ill now. And I should know because the few attempts I've had at reaching out have ALWAYS been met with obvious disinterest.

>>105402
>I had that was very easily resolvable had she just confronted me rather than disappearing without a word.
I feel a bit guilty when I read this. Some of the reasons why I ended friendships in the past was simply because I was a coward and I chose to not confront them, over something that seems quite silly and easily resolvable. I guess I just got bored and didn't feel like investing my time and energy anymore, and considered these resolvable inconveniences as an excuse to move on.
This is probably why e-relationships feel so transient. You can just block, ignore and move on instead of having to deal with the problems. There's too many options to choose from, compared to something like a workplace or a school where you have to see the same familiar places and you can't do anything about it. Even if you ignore them, circumstances will force you to interact with them, which gives you an opportunity to deal with your issues. There's no need for any of that online. Someone said something mean to you? Block 'em. Jump to another server. Replace them with someone else. Never grieve, miss or move on from it. Simple.
>I'm someone extremely boring, unmemorable, and mentally ill now. And I should know because the few attempts I've had at reaching out have ALWAYS been met with obvious disinterest.
God, my god.
I feel that I'm boring, unmemorable, and mentally ill too, lol.
I tried experimenting with new discord servers a few months ago and I got very frustrated when I came across a lot of servers, mental health servers mainly, that even had minors hanging around, as young as 13 years and I hated it because I surely can't relate to any the things they talk about, and neither could they.
I remember trying out a random 4chan discord server around that time, tried to talk about mental health and Israel-Hamas conflict, and I only heard dead crickets while they were busy spamming gore, wacky memes, talking about Amazing Digital Circus and Amouranth's Vaginal Yeast Brew.
I honestly can't relate with most of the post-modern mainstream internet. I used to think that old people are boring and uninteresting when I was young, but now I can understand why. I don't know if it's my fault that I'm boring, or its because I'm just hanging out at the wrong places.

I don't want to call people boring btw.
If you think you're boring, and you want to change yourself, then you can do something to make yourself interesting. But if you have to change something about you just so you can be interesting to others, then that's going to always end bad, because it doesn't work that way. Someone else may find chess puzzles interesting, but I think it's boring. That doesn't really mean chess puzzles are boring. It's just me, and I'm okay with the fact that I find chess puzzles boring.

IATAYRT
Note: Apologies, I type too much. I wil leave a TL;DR just in case.

>>105403
>I guess I just got bored and didn't feel like investing my time and energy anymore, and considered these resolvable inconveniences as an excuse to move on.


"Getting bored" implies you used the person's presence only for entertainment and had no intention of investing in forming a deeper connection to begin with. That's not to say you are an outlier, or certainly that I'm not guilty of the same, because this is an entire generational problem. I've met people online I've only talked to three or four times before that started calling me their "best friend" and telling me "I love you" while then barely ever talking to me.
She had even ended up asking me to be in a "queerplatonic" relationship with her. I didn't know what the fuck that was, but from what she explained, it just sounded like..a friendship. This generation is so confused on what friendship is, they have to make up a new LGBT word for it. I said "Yeah, ok" and she proceeded to barely ever talk to me. Um..


My friend I've known from 6th grade and that was supposed to be my actual best friend has repeatedly told me I'm like a sister to her and that, when I had family problems, repeatedly that I'm welcome at their place any time (When I'm 100% sure I wouldn't be. The one time I did come over, before asking her if her family was REALLY okay with it, she just nodded. Then I showed up and her family was wondering what I was doing there and had a talk with her.) But she is also someone that would immediately get quiet and awkward when I talk about anything except anime and video games with her. By the end of high school, she clearly preferred her boyfriend and all her online friends, so I was only someone to talk with and nothing more. Now she prefers to only talk to me online, and doesn't even want to meet me in-person anymore.

Currently I know two girls who seem to agree with everything I say. That's also a reoccuring pattern - Most of the friends I've had, especially the friend who was supposed to be my actual best friend (She would go "Yeah" at almost anything I'd say at one point) , seem to be yes-men. I seem to attract very timid people, somehow even more timid than myself, that are scared of disagreeing about anything. If you express an opinion, they will literally never express an opinion back. At some point, it almost makes me wish I had a brutally honest friend that doesn't hold back about anything.

I've encountered people in-person who talked with eachother as if they've known eachother for years, only for me to see them then literally not even look at eachother when crossing by eachother on the street. Everyone seems to want only the high of a relationship but runs at the remote sign of a low. Speaking with eachother may be full of very convincing bestie comfort words, but none that will actually be carried out. Eventually it feels like you never actually moved away from an acquaintanceship, even when you were sure you did. People are too guarded and scared of anything remotely feeling like intimacy now. Again, I can't blame them too much though, considering I am now the same. It's just made it that much harder to form any worthwhile friendship, even when you do try to be different. I've been around one too many people that want me for friend status, just someone to kill time with, or to seem really nice, but nothing more.


>You can just block, ignore and move on instead of having to deal with the problems.
>There's no need for any of that online. Someone said something mean to you? Block 'em. Jump to another server. Replace them with someone else. Never grieve, miss or move on from it. Simple.

I would be careful with this because I nearly became Steve Shives with how many mutuals online I had ended up blocking when I had a huge SJW phase in high school. When Ferguson happened, I literally lost several online friends because of not being able to stfu about how "If you don't tweet about Ferguson, you're racist!!!" and even ended up blocking a friend after he tried to reason with me. lmao Other friends just stopped talking to me. I can't blame them because my social media posts were full of "If you like the color red or Toy Story 2, you're homophic" or "If you don't think I'm Donkey from Shrek, block and unfollow me right now" type of bullshit.

The ease of walking away is a double-edged sword. Your shitty in-person communication skills can only bleed into your online ones.
t. Have had tons of online friends at some point.

TL;DR I think communication problems are a generational issue due to how many friendships I've had where the interaction has seemed very good, but only when concentrating on non-personal things and not getting fooled by things like getting called "best friend" or "queerplatonic cutie" (Friend I mentioned actually called me shit like that. wtf)

>>105421
>"Getting bored" implies you used the person's presence only for entertainment and had no intention of investing in forming a deeper connection to begin with.
Ouch, that hurts but you're right though.
>I've met people online I've only talked to three or four times before that started calling me their "best friend" and telling me "I love you" while then barely ever talking to me.
Wow, yeah. That's exactly it!
Something similar happened to me too. A lot of times actually. People would observe me hanging out in the public server and I'd just indulge them because I was bored and I thought the discussions would make a quick chat, and then I suddenly get private messages from them telling me how they found a soulmate. You nailed it. People online feel too fast and hmm… yeah, seeking instant gratification. They'd even project their problems and insecurities onto me and tell me how I'm supposed to think and feel in certain ways that fits their image of me that's in their head. These things just left me with confusion, and I didn't want to reject them or make them feel bad so I just went along with it till I felt like I had too much to handle and ghosted them.

>it just sounded like..a friendship
LMAO, yeah that's pretty much it. Looks like they even have a pride flag for it.
I just looked it up and uh… man, all these labels confuse me.
>Some queerplatonic relationships involve sex. Some don't. Same with kissing or any other expression of affection. However, it's generally more than an “extreme” best-friendship, even if it might not look that way on the surface.

>Everyone seems to want only the high of a relationship but runs at the remote sign of a low.
That's an extremely good observation. I definitely feel this way too.
Your experiences pretty much sums up a lot of problems with modern relationships. People are so scared of arguments and conflicts. These are the things that are supposed to bring people closer together, sitting down, accepting and tolerating differences that make their individuality stand out.
>"If you like the color red or Toy Story 2, you're homophic" or "If you don't think I'm Donkey from Shrek, block and unfollow me right now" type of bullshit.
LMAO

Ouch, I now remember calling an e-friend my soul sister.
Haven't messaged in a year. Shame bell.