/feels/ - sexism against own sex

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sexism against own sex Anonymous 10/08/23 (Sun) 04:29:50 PM104661

Kept wondering why the hell can't I connect to girls IRL? Why do girls repulse or annoy me? Why can't I connect and have chemistry?? Am I too boyish?? Finally after venting to friend for the 2949th time, something clicked in his head. He asked me about my mother (both parents were narcs tho who beat me and my brother til we bled FYI) but he pointed out since my mother was more present in my life, I hate her more cuz she had more time to beat me. And those severe mommy issues is why I can't connect to girls now.

Hope this might help someone else in some way. Any other women on here who have this same bad trait as me? Its sad how I have female "friends" (aquantices really) and they're very sweet, caring, do nothing wrong. And I just stand there, in my head, constantly thinking "I fucking hate you all hope you die".

Mental illness is ugly and sad. There was only 1 girl in my entire life I connected with but we grew apart after her parents divorced.

Anyway I'm stuck here, only ever making male friends and feeling safe around them. Yet my brain jumps to prejudice the moment a female aquantice of theirs or mine briefly stops by.

Did notice though that I at least get along OK with black women and rarely feel prejudice towards them?? Really weird.

Anonymous 10/09/23 (Mon) 12:43:57 AM104681

Is there any way you can reconnect with your old female friend?

Anonymous 10/09/23 (Mon) 06:02:26 AM104685

>>104681
Ahh, no no. There's one I liked that rage quit the internet. No response weeks after I added her on discord (might think I'm a stranger hence won't respond), and texted her on tumblr but odds are she hasn't logged there in years.

Thanks for the suggestion though. Trying to hang out with 2 girls lately but either mental illness bias, or I sincerely lack chemistry with them.

Anonymous 10/09/23 (Mon) 06:04:30 AM104686

>>104685
Adding: that said, a guy friend told me to give it 3-6 more months and if I still hate being with them, find someone new. Honestly at school, I get hyper vigilant around girls yet feel safer around men. FML.

Anonymous 10/21/23 (Sat) 12:35:48 AM105025

>>104661

I have mommy issues, hated all girls/women aged 15-45 as a kid, was a defiant kid who resented all the female schoolteachers/paraprofessionals who had authority over me, raised by single dad from puberty onward, was overtly misogynistic as a preteen (despite dad being the platonic ideal of a nigel & being repulsed by expressions of hostility toward women)

Mom and grandma tried as hard as humanly possible to shelter me from any hint of misogyny as a kid, and succeeded. I barely understood it was a serious thing til I got unsupervised internet access (around puberty age) – this kind of backfired and made me ignorant, callous and unempathetic toward the experiences of other women (though I know it is wrong and disgusting)

Internalized 4chan scrote mentality, extremely underdeveloped consciousness of my own sex and its social significance, the danger I face from men, etc.

No long-lasting emotionally close connections with girls/women my own age, probably not capable of forming them

Just realized (5 years too late) I have a severe case of pickmeitis

Feel pretty cringe ngl

Anonymous 10/23/23 (Mon) 05:05:12 AM105058

>>105025
I've felt, and still feel, negative feelings (hate, anger, prejudice, etc) against other woman; I have mostly male friends, due in part to childhood abandonment I feel very protective with people I cherish, and whenever other girls interact too closely with my male friends (or with my few female ones) I'm flooded with feelings of "I want to keep you in a shipping container for up to a decade". Before you remember me, yes I've been called a pick me girl multiple times.

Anonymous 10/30/23 (Mon) 07:45:21 AM105235

I was like that for some time, bc of bad experiences with women in my life too, until I learned that bad experiences with men can be way worse lol >>105025

Anonymous 10/30/23 (Mon) 07:55:56 PM105247

>>104661
I used to have a lot of conflict with my mother and never got along with girls - now as I've gotten older I've turned into her and do get along with girls considerably more than guys, but I have bigger psychological problems as a result. I can't really hold down a romantic relationship because of them.