/feels/ - Advice & Venting

yeah, it's been really bad lately,, it's also just hard for me to connect with people sometimes
if u wanna add me on discord nona i'm @mutspelli

>>104895
What do you do wiht you Dad on the 2 days?

Try growing a garden or building a koi pond. It's nice to be around plants and cool fish.

>>104895
Are your hobbies hobbies our are they distractions? Because hobbies actually make you feel good and productive, and give you a sense progression, like you're working towards a goal. Distractions keep you from focusing on yourself and overcoming your fears, shortcomings, insecurities.
Sit down and talk to your inner self and you will find what you need to do instead of finding new "hobbies(distractions)".

>>105117
who the fuck has money for a koi pond

>>105191
Good question.

>>105191
koi fishes are free if you dont get caught
koi ponds only require a shovel

>>105119

Wait, are hobbies supposed to be productive? I really thought until now that they were the same as distractions. Wow, now I'm finally understanding why people say that you should get one…

>>105279
The hard part is finding hobbies that are actually productive while being something you like.
A lot of these productive hobbies that I can think of like idk 3D printing need expensive tools and investment.

Honestly this is how I'm feeling right now. I am trying to unlearn oversharing. I just don't want to be that person that doesn't have a filter and has to tell EVERYTHING that's on their mind, whether good or bad.

But now I don't know how to cope with my emotions anymore and it drives me crazy. Whether I'm excited or upset about something, when I can't share it with someone it makes me feel restless. And yet, I feel like I can't share anything because I will be judged for it very harshly or misunderstood.

People are so close, yet so far away. I can try reaching towards them with my words, but it's like they go right through them.

>>105348
I hate oversharing.
I'm always left with a "why did I even talk about this?" feeling with someone if I do that and that all I talk about are my non-problems, but I can't help it.

I've been able to notice myself doing these things when I start to overshare and force myself to stop but there's only so much I can handle till my emotions overwhelm me. I try to cope with oversharing by taking a notebook and writing every single thing that pops on my mind, inlcuding hmm and what else? for 15 to 20 minutes and it surely helps, but I can't have a pen and paper with me all the time and it sure feels uncomfortable at those times. I also sometimes use vent threads or delete something I posted after a few minutes. But it sure feels validating, and even cathartic at times to just dump everything onto another person.
I wish I knew better ways to handle this.

>I will be judged for it very harshly or misunderstood.
Maybe you will,. If they judge you for it, they're not good for you, and if you're misunderstood, you can just clear it up later?

>>105354
> I'm always left with a "why did I even talk about this?" feeling
omg exactly
Except I also feel this way sometimes even if I just mentioned something or made a joke, in my mind everything is so blown out of proportion I start imagining other people looking down on me for that lol

> I try to cope with oversharing by taking a notebook and writing every single thing that pops on my mind, inlcuding hmm and what else?
For me taking a walk helps, as well as venting on anonymous imageboards of course

> Maybe you will,. If they judge you for it, they're not good for you, and if you're misunderstood, you can just clear it up later?
Yeah except I get really paranoid about anything I could potentially say and I end up being very sterile in personality and I hate it. It's like there's no middle ground between obnoxious and non-existent personality for me.
As for misunderstandings, sometimes they come from different worldviews and personal priorities, which makes me think I just shouldn't tell certain things to certain people. Choose your audience kind of thing, you know.

>>105355
>in my mind everything is so blown out of proportion I start imagining other people looking down on me for that lol
Sigh, yeah. I sometimes even ask others if I've been too annoying or inappropriate and they say that they don't mind it, which itself sounds annoying. People are forgetful and forgiving in general, but I really can't help thinking that they secretly hate me, lol.

>For me taking a walk helps, as well as venting on anonymous imageboards of course
That's nice. It's interesting how these ways to cope are very subjective.
I try to go for walks and I end up dissociating and ruminating in my head throughout it.
I found venting at imageboards a gamble because I usually end up getting invalidating replies.

>Choose your audience kind of thing, you know.
Yep, and I sometimes even choose what to argue over. I think I disagree to a lot of things that others believe in but I just let it slide because live and let live.

>>105357
>Sigh, yeah. I sometimes even ask others if I've been too annoying or inappropriate and they say that they don't mind it, which itself sounds annoying. People are forgetful and forgiving in general, but I really can't help thinking that they secretly hate me, lol.
I don't ask, but I get very sensitive to any cues that may suggest any kind of opinion and they start living rent free in my head, which isn't very healthy. I know I mentioned some ways to cope, but they're just not good enough. It takes a lot of time for me to wind down and I basically clam down because of the stress. I hate it. I'll try to ask some professionals for help or something, at least I have a pretty good description of the problem now.

> I found venting at imageboards a gamble because I usually end up getting invalidating replies.
I must be very lucky because I ended up getting some neutral to decent interactions. I only complained on here and 4channel's /adv/ though.

>>105358
>I get very sensitive to any cues that may suggest any kind of opinion and they start living rent free in my head, which isn't very healthy.
I think one of my friends something similar to did that.
We'd be talking just fine and all of a sudden she'd just go completely silent and zoned out. I had to ask her what's wrong and if she got hurt by something I responded with to snap her out of it. I felt confused and flustered every time that happened.
>I'll try to ask some professionals for help or something, at least I have a pretty good description of the problem now.
That's cool. I'm curious to know what this is all about too.
I actually hate asking if I said or did something wrong all the time and I only do that to someone I trust and puts up with my constant reassurance seeking.

>I only complained on here and 4channel's /adv/ though.
Hehe, maybe lucky and maybe just finding the right places to vent at.

>>105359
> We'd be talking just fine and all of a sudden she'd just go completely silent and zoned out. I had to ask her what's wrong and if she got hurt by something I responded with to snap her out of it. I felt confused and flustered every time that happened.
You're good friends. She probably needs an environment she feels valued in and pour her heart out… I had a person like that and it worked wonders for my mental health, ironically they then retold the embarrassing details to other people, but the pros outweighed the cons so much. Maybe the cons are the pros too, because I ended up feeling less shame for myself after everything was publicized.

Anyway, godspeed to you and your endeavors nona.

>>105370
I don't know, lol. Haven't talked in years now.
>ironically they then retold the embarrassing details to other people
Shame bell. I did that too, simply because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
At least it ended in a positive way for you.
Thanks btw.

>>105119
wow this is a good point

>>105116
usually he just comes home and gets drunk but sometimes he plans something and takes me somewhere

I feel lonely a lot of the time. I'm realizing that even when I can talk to friends or I get invited places, the very next day I'll have this tangible feeling of loneliness, like socializing didn't even happen. I want to exorcise that feeling from me. It makes me feel so ungrateful and stupid. Like I can't see what I have right in front of me. It makes me feel desperate and pathetic. And I know that being desperate is a clear red flag to anyone, including myself. Idk

>>105530
>Like I can't see what I have right in front of me. It makes me feel desperate and pathetic.
I know what it is and how it feels. It's part of who you are and it's there to stay. One of the explanations for why it exists is that something happened when you were a child, mostly when you were 2 or 3 that didn't help in developing permanence. It's like a baby that gets shocked or starts to cry when her mom closes her face with her hands, and gets extremely happy and smiles in joy when she opens it and says boo. The baby doesn't know that her mom still exists behind her closed hands.
The plus side though, is that bad emotions are impermanent too, although I'm not sure how positive being forgetful about bad emotions is.

>>105541
Thank you for responding, actually. I realize that I could probably help myself cope with my damaged sense of emotional permanence. I found this article about how I can keep visual reminders of friends and family and use that to help me when I get in that headspace.