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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


single life or dating Anonymous 105409

How do I be comfortable being single. Should I be looking for dates since I'm in my early 20's? I want to be single but I get the feeling that I'm missing out by not going on any dates

Anonymous 105413

You shouldn't date someone you don't hope to marry

Anonymous 105415

You can go on a date if you feel like it but you don't have. If you wanna be single there's nothing wrong with that and maybe you're not even ready for dating
Why not? By this logic I should never date women because our country is kinda homophobic and idk if I'll even live to see gay marriage being legalized

Anonymous 105416

What I meant was that dating shouldn't be an end or the goal. OP had the mindset of dating for the purpose of dating.

Anonymous 105417

Is there anything wrong with this? If dating brings you joy it sounds fine to me but if it's something that you don't wanna and just do to confirm to the societal expectations it does sound unpleasant

Anonymous 105418

If dating brings you joy, then the goal here isn't dating, it's joy. My complaint is when dating itself becomes the goal. Then it doesn't mean anything.

Anonymous 105422

No that's not what I had in mind. I want to be married and thats why i feel like im missing out

Anonymous 105427

>I want to be married
But in the OP you said you want to be single?

Anonymous 105429

I want to be single for some time but i want to be married eventually.

is that logic dumb? i thought it was normal for people to wait to date

Anonymous 105430

Yeah, I think the logic is kinda dumb
>but it's normal
The average person is an idiot

Anonymous 105436

im 20 now, cant i just wait till im 21 or 22 to date?

Anonymous 105437

If marriage is good, why not get married earlier?
If marriage is bad, why get married at all?

Anonymous 105439

because im not in a well enough mental state to enter another relationship

Anonymous 105440


I think "dating" as usually thought of in terms of young love is something that's already too late for me. I'm 25 so I think I'm already too old for it. Ideally I'd want to approach dating much more seriously and pragmatically, in a business-like sense, such as discussing life goals right off the bat. I never liked fooling around either and I'm past the age for that too, however it worries me if we are still in age group where that is more common than not. If that is true and you are looking for the same thing, nona, maybe it is better we wait.

Anonymous 105476

If you're in a bad place mentally, maybe it's better to focus on building a decent support system or you might make reckless decisions if you started dating. Whenever I hear my friends talk about shitty relationships, all I can think about is how they wouldn't be dating shitty moids (or otherwise) if they focused on self-improvement instead or if they were in the right headspace to see the red flags.

Don't do it just because you feel obligated to. You can try the dating apps if you want, but if you rush into it, you might regret not choosing 'the right first'.

Anonymous 105478


Do what you truly like, not what you feel like you're missing out just because others are doing it.
It's like watching something like, I don't know, Loki TV show just because it's popular, and not liking it because it's primary audience is manchildren and you aren't the target demographic.

A small portion of population are actually comfortable being single and left alone. Some are called schizoids. I do appreciate the company of people but such interactions leave me exhausted because of all the masking and fakeness that I have to emulate to hang around them. I actually enjoy being alone where I can be myself and I dissociate into my fantasies and dreamland. It's surely not the case for a huge proportion of population and loneliness is a really bad thing, but this is just me.

With all that said, I think casual dating sucks and a waste of time.

Anonymous 105704

I dated since I was 19 (two long term relationships) but I honestly think it's better to wait until your late 20s and just focus on getting some professional degree. You tend to meet much higher quality guys in grad/law/medical school in your late 20s.

Anonymous 105745

check out these subreddits.
instead of thinking about what you're missing out on, look at what you're saving yourself from. there's good times to be had, but there's also plenty of bad to go around.

Anonymous 105753

You know that dating advice that goes like "don't try to meet someone, just be busy and be living your life and one will find you"? I understand what they're trying to say with this one, except I don't actually leave the house for reasons other than work and trying to meet someone. So I can't "just live my life" in a way that puts me in touch with men, my natural organic life is lived indoors.

Anonymous 105758

I wonder if this "touch grass" advice isn't valid anymore because of social media and other conveniences that matured during lockdowns, or it had always been useless.

Anonymous 105814

I have the opposite problem: I have been single my whole life and am now starting to feel lonely but not enough to try dating. Am 32 btw.

Anonymous 105843

i wish that were me. i spent 5 years taking care of and being bossed around by a neet moid. i was groomed by him in my teens. now i got out and i lost a lot of time, i dont know where to pick myself up from here. i dont know if ill be able to love or date after that, my self worth is destroyed

Anonymous 105844

>>105814 here
You don’t want to be me. I am too old for guys under 50. I missed out on love.

It’s not too late for you. Maybe try doing some hobby that builds up your self confidence like swimming or dance.

Anonymous 105921

>I am too old for guys under 50.
That's so weird. Why do you think so?
Speaking from experience?

Anonymous 105945

Maybe just get more friends.

Anonymous 105950

I went to a speed dating event and I was the only child free woman in the 30-40 year old age group. The guys who requested my number were all in their 50s. I can conclude that since women are only valued for their ability to make babies, only 50+ guys would be interested in me.
My ‘friends’ my age ditched me for relationships, babies and careers. Do you have ideas for where I can find fun single people in their 30s who don’t really care about career? I have plenty of casual friendships from activities like gym class but no deep friendships.

Anonymous 105953

I'm sorry your speed dating went poorly but props for actually giving it a try; I'd be mortified meeting strangers one-on-one in quick succession.

>where to meet friends

Personally, I had most success meeting nice people through passions. I'm into writing and reading so I'll gravitate towards artistic communities either online of irl. Of course, there's no guarantee to make friends, but at the very least I get to talk about things that interest me.

Anonymous 105956

>Personally, I had most success meeting nice people through passions.
I might give that a go and park being a desperate dater.

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