Anonymous 106324
My mental health is getting worse and I constantly live in horrible memories. To begin, I think I should tell about my dysfunctional childhood: an alcoholic father who abandoned me and a violent mother. I have many memories of my mother insulting/hitting me that torment me. All of this made me a fairly depressed person from an early age and the early behavior of emotional dependence in my teenage years. My first relationship was when I was 15 and I was very happy, suddenly I had someone who I loved too much and made me forget my traumas. I can admit that this boy was like a father figure to me, but sadly he ended up cheating on me and then abandoned me for someone else. What happened left me in a very horrible depression at the age of 16: I began to start cutting myself and everything got worse to the point that I began to feel an irresistible hatred towards him, I began to send him insults in order to make him feel bad for what he did. I regret acting that way too much and I feel like a horrible person for some reason. For his part, he never felt guilty for cheat on me. I am currently 18 years old and I am still depressed about this and it got worse when I found out that he thinks I am a psychopath. I feel that this event marked me too much and I am currently in a very strong depression, I tried to commit suicide.
Idk,maybe similar stories can help me because i feel extremely guilt for this. Currently i am trying to portray this with art (i draw,write and play the guitar) but sometimes it doesnt help me very much.
Anonymous 106326
>>106325
I used to try to forget all this things,but my head is always thinking strange things like "i am a horrible person,i deserve pain,i deserve to die". I can't live with this.
Anonymous 106331
>>106324Similarish situation here - I think it can help to remember that different people are going to have wildly different reactions to the same situation and their opinion of you doesn't necessarily reflect an objective reality about what you are. You might behave in some way that might be branded by some as severely abusive and by others as just innocuously mad. That your ex thinks you're a psychopath and doesn't reflect on his own cheating is actually very common amongst moids - two of my friends have been cheated on and when they got mad their boyfriends made them out to be the crazy/"abusive" ones because they were angry. I've been lied to about secret alcoholism/substance abuse by two boyfriends and was treated the same way. You can't let the machinations of moid minds determine your perception of reality.
Anonymous 106334
>>106331Thank you so much nonas,read this actually helped me very much. I hate moids so much,they always portrait female anger as unhealthy for some reason.
And i don't want to sound strange but i really want to make female friends ^u^, so if you want it too i can send my discord and we can talk
Anonymous 106336
I saw your two threads you sound like you're stuck on your past, you need to start living in the moment and learn to live and deal with your past. Everyone goes through tough things, guess what i also had a horrible childhood and i am scarred to this day because of it, i also got cheated before too, i have a lot of issues and lost friends and others because of my trauma taking over every action i do and me scaring others, but that isn't stopping me from trying to be nicer and less terrifying to new people i meet.
I totally understand how you feel, it's easy to wallow on self-pity and cry about how unfair the things that happened were but the truth is these people likely give 0 fucks about you, after a while you gotta move on, you're the one becoming miserable because of them.
I'm not gonna tell you to stop self harming if thats what helps you, yes i am a slight enabler, i also do drugs sometimes to try and cope everyone copes in their own way you just need to be aware that it's a bad thing to do and get prepared to deal with the problems that may come from it.
Are you on medication? A little dose of medication helped me become more calm, that is if you are as unstable as me going on meds can help, also getting enough sleep, which is ironic because i am awake right now, and i also love silent hill.
Anonymous 106376
>>106334Honestly it's not just them (though perhaps they do so the most consistently), boomer women and pick-mes also make a much bigger deal out of women being impolite than men being straight up immoral. I also think sometimes men legitimately treat women who cheat on them or quietly abandon them better than ones who get mad at them - I think it's because female anger is usually righteous indignation and so it reminds them of their moral failings quite directly.
I'd be happy to chat nona!! Mine's fork4k4k
