/feels/ - Advice & Venting

nona, he cannot be saved

>>107458
Why don't you just talk to him about these things instead of venting it out for randoms here?

>>107458
He sounds fine. You're young, people develop and mature constantly. He's kind & (presumably) pays attention to the things you care about,

>>107462
He can develop alone without being a sore in her life.

>>107462
>fine
Patriarchy has its hook deep inside that man. Yes he can change (everyone can), but does OP has to take the hit in order for him to inch closer towards humanity?
>>107458
You CANNOT and WILL NOT change someone else’s toxic behaviour. The only thing you can change is how you respond to it. The person has to want to change. Meanwhile, you endure.
So OP, how much shit do you want to eat?

I always thought I had unreasonably high standards for men, but I swear, some people here are straight-up psychotic.

An AD? Really? It's one thing if he watches porn, even worse if he actually has this shit installed. But getting bent out of shape over a fucking AD on his phone?

The hymen thing depends on the context. Is it something he has a clear fixation on and came up a lot? Or was it something he asked when you were about to have sex or after you told him he's your first BF or something like that? The first one is clearly bad. The second one is more about awareness of your partner's body, which can be a good or even necessary thing.

The part about “biological instincts” is definitely a red flag, since it's something incels and Tate fans believe. But it can also just be a matter-of-fact opinion to him. Especially since, according to you, he's clearly not affiliated with the groups mentioned above.

>>107461
We do talk about them

>>107476
Seriously. Some of the people here only seem to come out of the woodwork to affirm their misanthropic and paranoid personalities to people who have questions about relationships.

I try to browse social media and bots or recommended posts always show me something pornographic, like a sexually suggestive thumbnail on youtube for coomers to click onto without even reading the title of it, bots spamming trending posts from instagram of supermodels to farm likes on reddit or twitter, imageboards are filled with sexual clickbaits, TV shows that have at least one sex scene per episode, or movies featuring nudity. Some of the recent movies that I had seen actually feature fetish stuff like a girl asking for a vibrator because she doesn't get aroused without it, and anal has become so normalized now. Anime is and had always been sexual,and anime is getting very popular these days.

I think it's impossible to avoid seeing anything sexual anymore. Even if you avoid the internet, everything feels so sexual even outside, from billboard ads for an ice cream that say something like "ONE LICK WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!", or even dressing choices. I think that any moid who is "anti-porn" had a brief period where they were actually coomers, like the ones at r/nofap. It's better to be pragmatic and accept that moids have seen naked women before, even when they were kids like 10 or 13.

If he is a "healthy" biological male, then staring at something he is sexually attracted to is normal imo.
Asking about your hymen and slutshaming women is a red flag though.

Your BF also sounds fake and emasculated as fuck btw.

He won't change, ask yourself why you wanna be in a relationship at all because it seems forced, relationships are for pickmes who don't mind all this shit or for women who want children, sounds like you're trying to make it work desperately but if he changed he would have to suppress himself which I would be scared of like for expl what if he will hate me for it?
Most men hate being married but like having a private servant besides of the harem of women they have through porn or other ways, ask yourself if you wanna be in the feminine gender role for life and deal with this ups and downs in relation with a man constantly which you have to forgive over and over again and play a therapist

>>107490
>fake and emasculated as fuck btw
???
how?

>>107502
A hunch. If something sounds too good to be true, then it's a lie.

The description makes him sound like an asexual unable to react or complement other women, even when OP is not looking at him, or he's just faking it. I also don't trust moids siding with and speaking for women because it reminds me of a covert narcissist I was once friends with.

>>107495
>>107503
I'm sorry, , but this is peak crab mentality. You've set up a standard that is explicitly borderline unachievable by modern moids and when someone tells you that they found one who kinda manages to follow it, you proclaim that they must be full of shit. Because you are well aware of how insane what you are demanding is.

You come off as a sad and lonely person desperately trying to groom others into being like you instead of doing something about your issues.

>>107506
But I recognize that it's an impossible standard. I'm the one that wrote about how porn is so normalized that even kids are watching naked women online.
>Because you are well aware of how insane what you are demanding is.
Yes, I do.

If OP had found the perfect sterile moid who is unable to experience even a shred of attraction to anyone else except her, then that's amazing and I wish her all the best.
It's just a message to exercise caution.

>obsessess with her moid's purity
>gets pissed off when he asks her about her virginity
Rules for thee but not for me.

>>107512
Not OP but there are better ways to ask if she was a virgin instead of pointing out her hymen.

Is he a Chinese Emperor who broadcasts his night of consummation after marriage to the peasants or what?

>>107514
>Not OP but there are better ways to ask if she was a virgin instead of pointing out her hymen.
Is she angry at him for caring about her virginity or about the way he worded that question? The rest of the original posts kinda suggests that it's the sooner imo.

>>107515
Fair. Let's see if she clarifies.

>>107458
>Asked me if my hymen is still in-tact
>Says that the same body count means differently in a relationship for men & women because of “biological instincts”

This is irreparable.
Mainstream media tells everyone that mistreatment against women is bad and that andrew tate is bad. He's not saying this because he actually cares, he's just regurgitating what has been established as the right take. Him agreeing with these things doesn't automatically make him a feminist.

The out-of-pocket hymen shit is his true colours. Ask him if he really believes women are equal if he says shit like that, then say "I can't be with someone who doesn't treat me like an equal, bye moid"

>>107458
if your hymen is indeed intact then you don't want a guy like that to be your first come on, you'll see more of his ugly side later justified by "biological instincts" if this isn't enough for you to dump him.

I don't even think that biology thing is untrue. Female body has inherently more value. Our instincts are built around understanding that we have more to lose in a shitty relationship than moids do. That's why we care about ourselves way more and live longer.

Did he say it justifies manwhores?

>>107461
We did talk about these things. He just believes the male-female difference thing to be a biological fact so it’s not even “based on [his] opinion”
>>107476
>An AD? Really? It's one thing if he watches porn, even worse if he actually has this shit installed. But getting bent out of shape over a fucking AD on his phone?
YT ads work on an algorithm and are based on content the viewer has watched before. I’ve never received a porn ad before in my life.
>The hymen thing depends on the context. Is it something he has a clear fixation on and came up a lot? Or was it something he asked when you were about to have sex or after you told him he's your first BF or something like that
We both are aware that we are each other’s first relationship. It came up when we were just asking random “taboo” questions to get to know each other better. He only brought it up once. He does sometimes bring up how I’m a virgin and it’s a good things but I think it’s only because he is too and we prefer to try knew things together.
>>107490
> If he is a "healthy" biological male, then staring at something he is sexually attracted to is normal imo.
I partly agree which is why is why his behavior perplexes me.

>>107511
> If OP had found the perfect sterile moid who is unable to experience even a shred of attraction to anyone else except her, then that's amazing and I wish her all the best
Thanks. Maybe this is as good as it gets with men. He understands so many things that are unteachable. I do think he is open to changing his mind and it’s only these two things (hymen & body count) that bother me. In addition to the ad.
>>107512
not obsessed w his purity
>>107515
>Is she angry at him for caring about her virginity or about the way he worded that question?
I don’t mind the virginity things since we both are virgins. They hymen question threw me off since it’s not a “sign” of virginity and more like an old wive’s tale.
>>107523
I have yet to have sex with him so I’ll see how his behavior until then.
>>107524
>Did he say it justifies manwhores?
My question to him was how many people can someone sleep with before you start secretly judging them. He didn’t say anything about judgement but that a man sleeping with 10 women is different from a woman sleeping with 10 men. Because of “biological differences”. It makes me wonder if he thinks women can’t naturally have sexual urges.

>>107535
>They hymen question threw me off since it’s not a “sign” of virginity and more like an old wive’s tale.
What are you even talking about, sister?

>>107537
Many people consider a woman’s hymen (thin piece of tissue located at the opening of the vagina) being broken a sign she’s been sexually penetrated before (i.e. had sex) but this can also be broken by riding a bike so it holds no basis

not all virgins bleed

>>107538
THAT was your hangup in the hymen question?

The fact that some women lose their hymen before sex doesn't mean that it's unreasonable to expect a virgin woman to have one.

>>107535
>It makes me wonder if he thinks women can’t naturally have sexual urges.
if he thought that women lack sexual urges he would entertain delusions that women's bodycounts are as low as they used to be before modernity. he would think of women as innocent angels and act oblivious to the idea that a lot of women engage in hookup culture. he wouldn't ask if you're a virgin, he would assume it.
he probably had at least one opportunity to have sex before, right? but he didn't do it and stayed a virgin. so that's the kind of person he is, a person more selective and cautious than most when it comes to sex. would it make sense for a guy like that to trust a woman who is less selective than he is? don't you also feel that the woman should be the partner who is more selective / cautious about sex? if a man doesn't have this expectation that's dubious imo.

>>107534
>We did talk about these things. He just believes the male-female difference thing to be a biological fact so it’s not even “based on [his] opinion”
>>107524 is right, women have more value than men and our bodies have been coveted for centuries.
>YT ads work on an algorithm and are based on content the viewer has watched before. I’ve never received a porn ad before in my life.
I get AI porn ads all the time. The YouTube algorithm is terrible. He could have easily turned off ads recommending content from his viewing preferences.
>It came up when we were just asking random “taboo” questions to get to know each other better. He only brought it up once.
Sounds like dumb awkward phrasing. I really don't see anything too malicious in that.
>I partly agree which is why is why his behavior perplexes me.
He wants you to be happy

>>107458
DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY!

Any man that would suddenly ask about your hymen out of the blue is clearly a controlling psycho and will abuse you as soon as he has you locked down.

>>107458
He's too far gone, I don't think he can be saved tbh

>>107458
since you’re young, i wouldnt keep him around. a “kind and caring” moid is actually not very hard to find at all. onlyfans ad and staring at a woman arent huge, but id be really concerned about the hymen and “biological instinct” shit. sounds like he wants to own you.

KEK you can't be for real.

Anyway nice and caring isn't good enough reason for staying, everyone you're close to should be nice and caring lol

>>107506
>You've set up a standard that is explicitly borderline unachievable
Megafuckinkek are you for real

>>107458
>Says that the same body count means differently in a relationship for men & women because of “biological instincts”

So he's ok with men being disgusting promiscuous whores? This tells me he's gonna cheat because "men have needs"

>>107458
>Says that the same body count means differently in a relationship for men & women because of “biological instincts”
How does that work anyway, if men can have a high bodycount there need to be that many women to make it happen kek. Unless they want to admit they're all gay. Makes no sense.

>>108537
Manwhores are called "sexually experienced" studs or chads. Women are called sluts.
Anything new?
>Makes no sense.
Moids.

>>108538
Nothing stops you from calling moids sluts