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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How to leave him for good Anonymous 109222

I need advice on how to no go back to my ex.

My bf is not a bad man but he is not helping enough with chores, is now unemployed and I work a split shift that leaves me dead tired at the end of the day. I'm obviously still in love but I know that its time to leave him before i waste more time with him teaching him how to clean and maintain a house like a normal adult. I live with him and that's the difficult part of it. Any advice, I really need it. +5 year relationship

Anonymous 109223

What names are on the deed?

Anonymous 109224

I don't really understand this phrase english is not my first language. But we're renters, he has to move out and it is not that bad; he can go back to his mom or whatever but i know he doesnt want to and will try to manipulate me to stay or go back. This is the tricky part, I know he will buy me shit and I fall easily

Anonymous 109226

Yeah, so it is your rental right, you are the one paying the rent and it is you place. So legally, you could, in last resort get the cops to evict him right?

I now understand your question better. I guess you have to draw a line in the sand and redefine with hard limits what is to become of the relationship when he is finally out.
I would go for a total ghosting, no more nothing when it is over, of course you'd have a good last talk with him stating exactly what is going to happen and that it is definitive.
Then you make something else of you life without looking back.

I strongly suggest a zero contact policy in your case. If he tries to force contact and/or not respect your terms you have to retaliate in a strong and incisive way.

>I know he will buy me shit and I fall easily

Sorry, I can't relate to that and I'll be nice and spare you my opinion about this.

Anonymous 109227

Thanks for your advice. i know the last bit was pathetic but that's just how i've been acting so I will not hide it. I don't think eviction will be needed as he is not that type of person… but I will resort to the "threat" if necessary. I will do no contact, I don't want to talk anymore or egive him explanations bc i will just be wasting my time. Now, that i finally told him it's over, he is cleaning the house, made me dinner, is fixing our broken bed… etc what do you s think about this? manipulation? fear?

Anonymous 109228

Think about it this way: If it is what is needed so that he acts right by you, then he is exploitative in nature. It is who he is. Not all men are like this but he is.
You are not pathetic, I would not say that, but his meager attemps at redeeming himself are.

Anonymous 109229


I agree. It breaks my heart but I can't and won't try to fix him.

Anonymous 109230

Good luck and keep your chin up. When you look back in a few month, you will feel great about this.
I am sorry, I know it will suck for a while, but be strong.

Anonymous 109234

Aglfter something like that how can you not love and desire solitude? Guy is a parasite.

Anonymous 109236

I am sure she will enjoy to be rid of this guy, at least for some time.

Anonymous 109257

Five years and this moid still isn't fully trained. Sorry that is unsalvageable.

Anonymous 109280

i need the tough love, thank you girls

Anonymous 109295

im OP back to bitching. how can i fucking dump him when he still lives with me. I swear it would be so easy…

Anonymous 109296

Beat him with a belt

Anonymous 109298

Eviction by cops is still very available. Why not appeal to professionals that you already pay for?

Anonymous 109299

Also, throwing his stuff out the window in the street can be effective too.

More seriously and easier:
-change the locks
-change the WiFi passwords

Give him his shit through the window and tell him to fuck off to his mother.

Anonymous 109306

I sat down today I talked to him i said it was over and that he needed to move quickly so we could both heal. I still love him and want the best for him, but realising he would act different if he really cared was it for me. I'm not throwing his things out the window as i don't think its necessary. Now my plan is to stay firm in my decission and avoid relapsing. I know he still thinks im playing

Anonymous 109307

I understand, I hope it wont come to that.
The fact that he thinks that you are not serious about it is hard to understand after such a talk.

Did you set a hard deadline when, he and all is belongings have to be out of your place?

Stay strong nona, it will be fine!

Anonymous 109421

thank you! i told him he had one month. its a lot of time for me, I feel like if i he was somewhere else it would be soooo easy. I know its not good but i would just talk to men so i dont get bored and maybe write smut or whatever but sleeping with him is just too much. I am super mad at him right now, sometimes i miss him and want to go back but today i want him out

Anonymous 109424

One month is huge, you are not sleeping in the same bed anymore, aren't you?

Anonymous 109428

I am, i dont have any other bed nor will I sleep in the sofa. and he wont either, I thought of buying in a sleeping bag or a futon i dont really want to waste my money in this.

Anonymous 111030

Did he leave yet?

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