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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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us vs them (IMPOSTER amogus) Anonymous 110257

here's a random thought -
sometimes there are people in your "in-group" who use their in-group identity to get away with acting abusively. the problem may not be with the group identity itself, but the fact that the group enables abusive behavior solely because the person acting abusively is part of their group, or so they believe.
the problem with this is that by enabling an individual in their abusive behavior, the group is enabling the abusive behavior itself. so the person continues to act in that manner, and drags down the rest of the group in further conflict or regression, possibly even dividing their group by creating new conflict. the behavior doesn't get corrected, and any values derived from that behavior will result in cognitive dissonance/a decay in one's humanity.
i dunno why i felt compelled to say this but, it often seems like i am more angry at a behavior these days as opposed to an actual politically defined "group." there are people who think that, just because they share an identity with you, you'll enable their bad behavior and let them get away with things. ultimately i enjoy teamwork and HEALTHY competitivity over being pitted against people for no reason all the time.

Anonymous 110259


One rotten apple is enough to spoil the whole box. The decomposition of the rotten apple starts from the inside, and lets out ammonia and other decaying compounds anaerobically, even if the whole box is sealed and air-tight, and the microorganisms start to develop and eat other fruits in the lot.

It's the same with furniture. Suppose you accidentally bring in a furniture that has a termite hive, the termites will start to spread and infect every other furniture near it.

Same with psychopaths. They act like your friend, they get in the bunch and preach the same values and ideals, and instead of being an instrument of these ideals that they preach, they only preach them because they get attention and they feel special. Soon, they start to take over the ideology itself, just because they get to feel special.

Anonymous 110265

so who do you think should correct them and why is it not you?

Anonymous 110266

i believe "enabling" behavior is the root issue as opposed to some tangible entity. ultimately, i think lots of things can enable those that are dragging down their in-group, and there are lots of weird parallels with amogus, hence the meme. for instance, supporting others instead of giving attention to ill-intentioned people. offering solutions along with criticism instead of "circle jerking" over problems and any bad emotions that may arise. there are lots of ways in which enabling behavior can manifest, but the main point is not rewarding those who only seek to drive conflict as to feel empowered to behave abusively.

Anonymous 110267

and again, the problem is not some inherent issue of competitivity, but an unhealthy form in which individuals who are not great themselves use their in-group identity to become powerful. an environment which allows an invasive plant to strangle other vegetation - the problem is not the plant but the environment.

Anonymous 110268

also - one last point, activities which challenge people's teamwork and ability to compete in a healthy manner may prevent people like this from becoming powerful in the first place.

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