/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Moids with it are pedo

i dated a guy who had bpd (most likely) he would rage at his games and yell at me plus he accused me of cheating plenty times, was really suspicious of me and what i'm doing (controlling) and trying to do "gotcha" everytime i go out or just be anywhere
at the end turns out he was projecting everything onto me and he was cheating on me the whole time

i'm diagnosed with bpd. it was worse as a teenager but i've gone kind of schizoid in my adult years, i can't bond with people emotionally anymore. i don't know if i miss it.

BPD is a death sentence. My brother had it and he killed himself. It's so fucking sad and I miss him everyday. I wish there was literally any help available for people with the disease. He was absolutely lovely too.

NPDs are the devil but their enablers are far worse.

>both parents autistic
>got no empathy, no emotional support, no understanding growing up
>also a good dose of their anger issues
I love them and I get now that they love me but fuck it led to some issues and bad choices in lovers due to accepting things I shouldn't have. It seems some form of cluster b also runs in the family but tbh I think I'd probably have been quite a bit more fine if they didn't have untreated autism as mean as that may sound.
Microdosing shrooms helps with the everyday empty feelings and depression which overall levels me out a lot but I still need a lot of therapy I can't afford so I'm trying to go through therapy books instead. Also journaling using a journal prompt from books and the GLAD method + a done list from the day. Currently working on a spiritual journal prompt book but my plan is afterwards to start shadow journaling and I'll see how that works. I'm kind of scared but I really want to make my life better and actually live like a relatively functional person should which is going to need some hard work and hard reflection (especially if I'm gonna be salty about my parents kek). I'm working hard on living for myself without going too far, not isolating myself, and not letting my issues get in the way of life's responsibilities. No idea how I'll grow self esteem but I think I really need to fix that too kek.
My big goal is to finish my education and get a job that lets me support myself, to undo the damage my depression did and take care of myself, and to reconnect with my two best friends. Also my current microgoal is to enjoy my own hobbies for myself. Once I get a job I'm hoping to get more proper therapy and keep fixing myself. I hope it all works out
>>111433
being schizoid used to be a subset of bpd iirc and it kind of checks out as I get older tbh. Though being unable to relate to others might be in part due to life experience being so different from your average person. Even if one didn't have any life trauma they're still going to feel things stronger among other differences

>>111496
yeah my mom is an autist with some kind of mood or personality disorder too and she's a neet even though she's divorced, she just lives off of spouse & child support + welfare. her ass is a single mom with 2 kids and she doesn't work…

My moms borderline and autistic. Dad's also autistic. I inherited all of it. Can't remember what the specific trauma was but I've known something was wrong for like 10 years now. Trying to get a diagnosis so I can at least get medicated for this life ruining bullshit has been hell. They do not want to listen if you have the slightest idea of what's wrong with you. Also because I'm a girl.

I think my mom was narcissistic or had bpd, i noticed it when i was little, how selfish she was with me or my older siblings, the way she always put us down and insulted/hit us, how she always wanted to be the spotlight, she always made everything just about her. She physically (and psychologically) abused me since i was little, i am now 17, she abandoned me when i was 11, but i never really got over the trauma. I sometimes think something is wrong with me, i think i inherited something from her but i don't know what, i don't want to self diagnose.
I really hope i didn't inherited anything and that im sane, at least in that part. She really gave me some abandonment trauma and her same struggles with drugs and toxic substances.. but i'm getting better with that lul.. i think so
sorry for the trauma dump

>>111560
Unresolved childhood experiences affect a lot of person's personality. These usually happen when we have parents who suffer themselves, and childhood events become traumatic for a child. A child doesn't know how to process these feelings, and if our parents don't help us learn them we develop maladaptive behaviors to hide or push these feelings away. These behaviors are there to repress those memories, coping methods, in time develop into disorders. Most people don't even realize it. There's a lot of unfortunate folks in this world. Don't worry, that isn't a trauma dump, its called opening up

>>111496
That's good you're working on bettering yourself, is nice; Those small stuff is what keeps us everyday, lead to bigger things.
>everyday empty feeling
Can I ask how strong these feelings occur? Do they stop you from having motivation for daily tasks?

I think my mom is a (undiagnosed) narcissist. And she doesn't realize it. She'll go apeshit when things don't go her way, she's never at fault, it's always the others. I don't think I'll let her see my kids much in the future…