/feels/ - Advice & Venting

It's hard to make friends in the city. In the rural countryside it's more friendly and wholesome. You have nice communities with potlucks, farmers markets and hobby groups.

>>113229
It’s not about friends. I could make a hundred good friends tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter for this. They all already have lifetime people.

>>113232
You could adopt a few children and try building a family bond with them

Due to some recent events I've started to realize that I really don't know how to define what a friend is and I don't think I've ever had something like a friend in my life. I am friendly, but would I want to call anyone I've been with as a friend? I really don't know.
What the fuck even is a friend anyway?

I think you are underestimating old people. You could meet your lifetime people in your 40s or 50s and get at least a solid couple decades of friendship out of it.

>>113228
Honest to God the worst part of loneliness is the bitter tunnel vision we get out of it. The human brain isn't meant for isolation. We get really stuck and stubborn only affirming the strictness of our beliefs and biases. Trust that although your pain is very real for how you've seemingly "missed the bus" at different life stages, that there are options that are out there that will surprise you in the best way. You don't have to believe it, you just have to do more. That's the trouble with it, you tell yourself it's some circumstantial or existential problem out of your control, deadline's already passed, because that's easier than saying "I could try something new to get a different result/test my theory".

There's another bus coming, nona.

>>113257
I really like Hopper's art. For me it evokes peace, rather than loneliness, for some reason.

>>113229
In my experience, no. I live rural and everyone here is 40+ boomers and they live miles away. Growing up, I had not one friend. I commute to the city for work now and have a much easier time making friends.

>>113257
I feel the exact same way as OP. Sure you can claim that it might not be completely hopeless, but that's just not what I'm experiencing. So where should people like us even begin to search for these 'lifetime people' that somehow we missed finding the first time? What are the steps? I swear it's not for a lack of trying. I have tried so many times to get involved with all kinds of groups and individuals both online and off. While it's not so difficult to find an acquaintance who will act friendly once or twice, they couldn't care less about actually getting to know me as a person, and regardless of if they show any actual interest they just end up ghosting me everytime. I just want people I can feel comfortable around. Who skip the small talk nonsense and can enjoy an honest discussion of interests and opinions with. Someone who you can randomly message eachother anytime and discuss your personal lives and thoughts and they are willing to listen. Why is it so impossible to find this situation? It just seems to me like after you're an adult, people stop trying to get to know or care about others. It's as if true friendship is a childhood thing reserved for the lucky few, and I've started to consider that it may possibly be just a fictional concept in general.

>>113228
> By late 20s/early 30s, it’s done.
ded post but i don't really think that's true.
> There are little support forums where someone will essentially roleplay as one of your lifetime people, but that’s like eating wax fruit. There’s no fixing it. There’s nothing and no one.
reminds me of those services where you hire someone to be your family/bf/friend. it's a bit strange.

i do think the interactions had on the internet tend to serve a different purpose than those irl. if i have a conversation on the internet, im talking about random specific things no one else cares about irl. if im really friends with someone, i can talk to them about anything.

>>113228
Only way to keep or make someone a lifetime person if the constantly remind them you exist at all. I have just accepted having to initiate everything though.