Anonymous 115673
I've been visibly ill my whole life and have enormous self-esteem issues from all the bullying and even the benevolent othering from well-meaning people. Never had a successful long-term relationship, anything above an entry-level job (which I also periodically get fired from and have to start anew whenever my health issues flare up), my life has been so limited even down to avoiding a lot of experiences because they could impact my health (or just using that as an excuse not to have to risk stepping out of my comfort zone). I'm in my mid 30s now and have just been put on an innovative treatment that could make all of my physical issues disappear. It's been 2 weeks and I already look and feel like a new person and a lot of my previous limitations have improved massively. I'm faced with the endless potential of living my own self-possessed life now, but at the same time I'm feeling so many conflicting feelings about how I couldn't start sooner when I was young, and that I have so much baggage that won't go away as easily as my physical symptoms. I'm falling for someone who also wants to be with me, and am really struggling with all the opportunities they're offering me (wanting to travel together and introducing me to their friend circle and showing me off as if I'm a normal woman) when I've been shut-in and avoiding any challenges for most of my life. It's such a weird phase in my life that I'm in right now and it's overwhelming. I'm rotten from living online and massive social paranoia and this feels like my first and last chance all at once.
Anonymous 115698
You've entered a new chapter in your life and that can cause a lot of these conflicting emotions that you're feeling which is normal. It's never too late to change for the better and now that you have your health condition under control, that gives you newfound freedom which is nice. Your insecurity is preventing you from seeing the brighter picture but just know everyone else is going through shit too and have their own baggage so you're not the only one. I know I'm some internet stranger so it doesn't mean much, but I'm happy for you nona and I hope you achieve the things you want in life and find happiness and meaning <3
