/feels/ - Advice & Venting

How the fuck are you in contact with another male friend? Do you work? Are you a SAHM?

>>115823
I just have friends, ok? I‘m on disability. Do you not have friends of the opposite gender? It’s quite normal here. And even if it was a woman, that wouldn’t prevent me from being attracted since I‘m bi

>>115819
>but I know that would really hurt him
So? He literally doesn't matter
You're married

Give it time, it's most likely a crush and it'll pass. Is it just physical attraction or are there romantic feelings mixed in?

>>115828
Thank you. It would probably be better, if I could see it like that

>>115833
Thank u too. I‘m going to try that. I hope it will pass. It’s actually more the way he treats me and behaves towards me than his physicality and we are so similar to each other in so many things, I feel like we just understand each other really well. We have had a lot of similar life experiences and share views and interests that we bonded over

>>115824
jesus christ imagine someone on disability cheating on you because their joblessness affords them the time to do so

>>115845
People cheat at work and with their colleagues too. Much more often probably

>>115866
I can reassure you, most women aren’t like me. I‘m very fucked up. At least I have achieved men being afraid of me now ig

>>115842
Based on what you're describing it kinda sounds to me like you have a friend crush towards him out of the many different types of crushes humans have. I don't know about you but I've mixed up friend crushes for actual romantic crushes when I was younger for example. Would get really attached to a person, get very excited when seeing them and want to spend as much time with them as possible but ended up realizing way later on that I didn't really want to do any romantic activities with them after A LOT of analysis. Fortunately never really acted out on those crushes.

Which is why I still think you should give it time and not act out on a whim, especially if you don't know yet what your true feelings towards him are. I also think that you should consider the fact that just because you connect greatly with someone it doesn't really mean that they'd be the amazing partner you might think they are. I've seen the nicest people do a strange and negative 180 when they're with their partner, and consider the fact that you're most likely looking at him with rose-tinted glasses in the moment to notice his flaws or obvious signs of incompatibility.

In any case whether you have romantic feelings or not, acting out on what are more than likely just temporary feelings is not really fair to your husband at all if he's actually committed to your marriage. Assuming that he loves you a lot and your relationship is healthy, gambling it all away for a dude that came later on is not only shitty to your husband but would also be incredibly idiotic on your part considering how difficult it is nowadays to find a man to have as a partner that doesn't treat you like shit or doesn't suffer from the same issues the majority of the male population does that make women want to remain single now more than ever.

It's ok to have friends you connect with, it's kind of a miracle to have them, and you should hold those friends close. But at the same time, not everyone you get along with exceptionally well mean that they're a good match for you.

>>115883
Yeah, I‘m not very good at distinguishing feelings. I think it was a friendship crush at first but now some romantic feelings are there. I haven’t had that many friends before, so I’m not experienced with this. I love my husband more deeply though and I‘m pretty sure he loves me deeply too. I want to stay with him and what you said is completely right. I don’t want to throw away the life I have and the great husband I have for something I don’t know how it will even turn out, it really wouldn’t be a smart decision and I don’t want to do this to my husband either. I‘m gonna try to get through this now. Maybe I do have to cut contact after all. Or can it work being platonic with each other? I‘m not entirely sure. I feel more able to let go of him now though. I just haven’t decided yet. Thank you again for taking the time and helping me. It did really help me reading your perspective

>>115875
If you wanna know, how it went, I actually did talk about it with him but I didn’t say horny because that’s not describing it well, it’s not just some horniness. I think his reaction was closest to 3, although he had some understanding for my feelings and he didn’t seem very mad at me. He said, if I sleep with this guy, he will leave me. Thankfully I haven’t done that and I don’t want to let it get to that

>>115888
I'm seconding the motion on cutting this guy off. You're married & imagine how you'd react if your husband felt like this with someone else. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're above 25 this is a behavior that you need to work on.

>>115896
I did it, girls. Cut him off. I believe that I could accept it, if my husband would love someone else too but can’t know until it actually happens and I do hope that it won’t, it’s definitely not what I wish for and I understand that it’s a reason to end a relationship for most people. Going to schedule my next therapy appointment tomorrow and I do sincerely hope that I will learn from this. Gotta say it again, I‘m grateful for this board and you girls

>>115900
You did the right thing

>>115900
I believe that I could accept it, if my husband would love someone else
You never know until it happens to you and it probably won't make you feel great. It's good you are going to a therapist.

>>115900
I know it's hard, but if you want to save your relationship with your husband it's the best thing to do. You might find yourself hoping to get back in touch with the other guy, but it's for the best.