RETARDED RANT WARNING i feel like i am never feminine enough Anonymous 115998
I never had a strong female presence in my life, and was a tomboy and was criticized for it. didn't help that i was a misogynist and a misandrist and a pick-me but whatever. around the time i turned 18/19 i started exploring more feminine wear and now wear dresses and skirts much more exclusively (before i would just wear 3 pairs of pants that could fit my body, but other than that pants were super uncomfortable and overwhelming)
The way I dress now is a complete 180, everything i wear makes me suuuper comfortable and safe i wear natural materials, never buy anything new and i love clashing patterns and colors and wearing long socks 24/7
i still get really concerned that I am not feminine though, like I still sound brash in the way i speak but i can also switch to sounding soft
i just cant handle the more complicated parts of me
I have a very loving boyfriend who accepts all of me, but i tend to discredit him when he says I am a full person and a woman I just feel like maybe he is stupid but i know that i am the one that is retarded more than anything
and i have this idea that someone who is feminine wears makeup and talks a certain way about her passions and goals but i cant even do most of that, i cant even wear makeup without having a meltdown and i just feel like i am constantly trying to force myself into a little idea of what being a woman is instead of just being a person.
i used to look a lot of girls around me growing up and try to imitate their mannerisms and as i got older i watched feminity channels, ones that show you how to have manners and act and also weird hypergamy stuff that i could never really understand i dont understand all of this weird social bs and i dont understand the weird rules and structure that came from dating or courting or whatever as for my own relationship my bf is the most sane and healthiest person i have ever been around i wouldve been fine being alone in fact i most likely wouldve enlisted or became a nun or just lived alone idk but with him i can actually imagine being a mom and i have gained a lot of insight in to who i am and how I can improve, I seriously sometimes dont understand why he would choose to be with someone like me still but at the very least i respect his decisions
for a very long time i feel like the way how i try to understand being a woman feels like im a trans woman, i just dont know how to be a woman i dont know i have a very broken sense of self and i am still figuring out so much bash me all you want i just wanted to let this out im sorry if this post doesnt make any sense, alot of things about me dont
Anonymous 116001
How you feel becoming more feminine would improve your life or identity? Despite having a good relationship you cannot accept you are a full person, why?
Anonymous 116005
>>116001I really dont know i think its just some weird complex i developed due to knowing my whole life i was never normal (pretty sure i am autistic) and especially with me being raised harshly by my father who treated me roughly yet expected me to behave in a way a trad woman should behave confused me a lot growing up
I would even argue that i am a woman regardless of what i do,act, wear and will always be
Hence me being me just feels like i am not actualized… despite the fact i am in a much more actualized state than i was before (still figuring things out of course)
I think because its something i dont entirely understand, i fixate on it untill theres a resolution so even if i know im ok you have to treat it like an intrusive thought and let it pass but doing that is very difficult for me at least
Anonymous 116008
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I feel like being more feminine would certainly benefit me, but I've accepted I have a very aggressive masculinized streak of anger! and it is sometimes very nasty and ready to pounce! sometimes it's necessary! the more someone PUSHES MY FUCKING BUTTONS the closer it FUCKING GETS TO THE BOILING POINT
Anonymous 116011
probably best to start with some definition of what you think a "real woman" is, because it's really not just disney princesses who count as women.
you might be like mildly autistic if you have issues with the social stuff, but generally everyone has a problem with understanding dating. That's why there is infinite content about it. If people understood it so easily there would be no need to talk about it this much.
Maybe you are not the pinkest barbie doll, but I think you will find that however distant you feel from your "ideal women", you are not even on the same planet as your "ideal man". It's just normal to not be perfect, literally nobody is "the ideal woman"
