/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I don't want to jump to any conclusions but it might be telling you how many times you started a sentence with I and how completely inwardly self-reflective your post is. It's hard to remotely gauge whether or not you are boring or if your friends are lacking any interest you can grab on to.

Let's say you and I meet at some kind of mixer. A party where we maybe know some people but we absolutely don't know each other. Just the two of Us in close proximity and we're both a little bored. Would you strike up a conversation or would you wait for somebody to reach out to you?

And if you're going to be the one who reaches out how are you going to do it? Because when it comes to people who seem boring it's not so much what they have to say it's how they say it. It's the way they deliver stories, jokes, how they just kind of bring an energetic vibe that lifts the mood and engages people. It also doesn't help that many people find different things interesting and different things boring so changes from person to person. That's why kind of easy to be part of a group and keep up the energy because it's like a palpable vibe it's easy to work off of. One on one it takes a lot of work to reach out to somebody and really get in their space and let them get into your space.

This is a lot of rambling I don't know if it's any help so here's something a little more direct.


How often are you the one to initiate contact with a friend?

Do you often suggest venues or ways to hang out with friends?

Do you have any topics of interest that could lead to a stimulating conversation that other people might be willing to talk about?

When you are typically in a one-on-one conversation what is it you end up trying to talk about?

Hopefully some of this might be able to point you in a direction that helps you feel more exciting. It's not a switch that's going to turn on immediately you're going to have to work at it.

confession: I have trouble relating to
the vast majority of other women (and moids too, but different issue) because I think the topics that concern them are dumb/not important. They are not ambitious and mainly concern themselves with maintaining status within their own social circles. I see them as wasted potential

>>116086
Thanks Nona, you called the first half of the post rambling but you got your point across well. Also u were right on the money with the inward part, I get really stuck in my own head and am usually too afraid to reach out to others, and in one on ones I’m usually more stressed out worrying about what to talk about instead of talking. Your post gave me a really good starting point of what I really need to work on, I really appreciate it

Honestly I think other people finding you "boring" has less to do with you yourself, and more to do with how you are making the other person feel in conversation. In other words, I don't think you should focus on making yourself more interesting, but instead on entertaining the other person as you talk to them. I've talked to a lot of different people who on the surface aren't "boring" (they have many hobbies, experiences, are expressive, etc) but conversations with them are dull because of two things: they never share about themselves deeply, and they never show interest in me. If you mirror another person's emotions and show interest in something they care about, they will get excited and open up more. Most people are just biting at the chance to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity to do so, they will lead the conversation for you. You just have to listen intently, give feedback and your opinion, and ask a couple questions about whatever they are talking about. It's important to share earnestly about yourself too, like telling a person why you enjoyed something, instead of just saying you liked it.

So I have never met you nona but in my opinion I think you shouldn't feel like you're boring or doing something wrong. The more comfortable you get opening up to others, the more easier it gets and the more your friends will appreciate you. If you need a quick fix though showing up to a meetup on drugs will make you a lot more interesting