struggling to have lasting friends Anonymous 116189
I know being an adult kind of sucks in general for lonely autistic women, but I didn't realise that it was this bad
It feels like everyone found their group when they were in primary school or high school and isn't really open to making new friends as an adult
I was bullied my entire childhood and adolescence and only had a couple of friends irl and online who disappeared once we reached adulthood.
Whenever I went to university I put a lot of effort into being social and made many acquaintances, despite investing a lot of time into people. I went from a person who struggled to make a phone call to someone who could approach strangers in a pub. I considered myself as having good relationships with my housemates but as soon as they graduated and moved they stopped putting in any effort or messaging me.
Now, I only have one friend, who is planning on traveling and I probably won't see again for years.
It genuinely feels like anyone I come across has an online gaming group they've had since they were 12, school friends, or a tight knit family.
I don't have any relatives, my family abused me throughout childhood, and I don't plan on having kids. Have been working part time ever since I started university years ago in an office environment and it was extremely uptight and obvious that I was an outsider due to being autistic and having more weird hobbies like anime and games, even though I put a lot of effort into masking.
I live in the UK so there are pretty much 0 nerd hobby related groups post uni unless you're into Warhammer, every activity I see for working adults is intense sports or things for parents with young kids.
I'm extremely lonely and know it's only going to get worse as I get older. I just want other female friends. Finding online groups to join that aren't fully of edgy teenagers, perverted moids, or uptight Reddit mod type people seems like an impossible task.
When I was younger fandom type spaces were like a sanctuary for me but now these communities are full of grandstanding uptight twitter personalities rather than how it used to be back in the live journal and early Tumblr days. Anything that's like how old communities were where people just enjoyed writing fanfic and drawing without all of this discourse shit would be like a dream come true for me rn.
It's not that I haven't put in effort, it just seems hard to find anywhere to meet people who share similar interests and are chill.
Anonymous 116192
That's why you must take control. You must make your own group and become the leader.
Anonymous 116195
>>116189>I live in the UK so there are pretty much 0 nerd hobby related groups post uni unless you're into Warhammer, every activity I see for working adults is intense sports or things for parents with young kids. Start one?
Anonymous 116226
I'm in the same boat. I just moved to a new city in Australia. Every other woman I meet seems like a normal person with a huge friend group, big family, sporty etc.
But the thing is, I'd hate to be friends with any of them because they're all so boring. Their lives revolve around kids and social media. They all play netball… netball ffs!
Instead, I've been thinking a lot lately about the nature of loneliness, about if I'd actually be lonelier if I was one of these people who try so hard to fit in.
OP, what do you want out of female friendship? Is it a deep connection? How many of these people do you think genuinely have that? Support? Same deal, I doubt these people are that supportive of each other. If you just want someone to get drinks with after work, you'll find that easily. But it won't make you less lonely. I urge you to really think about what "emotional lack" friendship would address. Is there a way you can be that thing for yourself first and foremost?
I think we're all looking for this golden ideal of friendship which is seen as a common thing thanks to how it's pushed in media, but in reality, is exceedingly rare. Especially now, since our hobbies are all so atomised and niche.
You're doing okay, OP. You don't fit in, which is fine – it's a step above forcing yourself to fit in. You might find that rare golden friendship, or you might not. But don't beat yourself up for not finding a thing that barely exists in the world.
Anonymous 116238
>>116189I'm in the uk too anon.. I understand how you feel exactly. I recommend attending a con, and talking to someone alone cosplaying something you like, I made friends with a very sweet person that way. She isn't very active sadly, but I think I'll try this method in the future.
