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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Should I dump my bf? Anonymous 116653

I met this PhD guy years ago back in college (I'm a dropout now , whatever I still make decent money with my current freelance job). Though didn't really start dating him until recently. We were just kinda "there" in each other's lives for a while. But here’s the thing:

>I have been an ADHD loser all my life.
>I have literally zero friends IRL.
>I spend most of the day in front of a screen
>Hard pass on almost every moid who's tried to hit on me

At first, I was kinda into him, even kissed him a couple of times, but when it comes to sex? I've got the libido of a rock, like… literally zero interest, but I was always like this, I don't know why, I think I might be asexual, although I like the idea of having romance with a man and a good relationship, I don't understand myself. We’ve been together for some time and still haven't done anything. And tbh, the whole relationship's gone cold this year, especially with him constantly traveling and me just… existing all day in my room chatting and my freelance laptop job or doing ADHD-OCD things (worst combination ever).

I think I've caught the ick. At first, I thought he was cool, now he's just cringe. He tries so hard to be this "nice guy" but I just want him to be a little rough if he wants to have sex, because I can't get horny easy, and I like that style where a man is super into you and loses control. Is that too much to ask? But nope, "too violent," he says and thinks I only want this because of truama a coertive abusive relationship I had with a moid once who I've developed stockholm syndrome back in my mid 20s (I also never had sex with him because of distance, thankfully but he managed to make me send him a bit intimate stuff through coertion and emotional blackmail). And I'm not asking to get beat up, just a little passion. Whatever, it’s a turn off.

Casual sex? Disgusting. So no experience there, obviously. Every time he tries to initiate, I shut it down. Every. Single. Time. Plus, I'm converting back to Catholicism, so it's probably better if I stay chaste until marriage anyway, and the chances of marrying him are every day lower. So should I just break up with him already?

Anonymous 116656

You sound like you need time and space to work through some issues so yes, probably.

Anonymous 116657

Honestly, it sounds like you're growing apart, he doesn't want to hurt you out of a sense of guilt, your relationship was already rocky to start with and now you're going through a personal change with serious implications. Being alone is hard, but I would say just break up and try to resolve your issues with time to breathe and distance from such emotional turmoil.

Anonymous 116672

>>116657
No, believe it or not he's a normie but also unaware of how I feel I tried to end the relationship, but he promised changes but well we ended doing nothing.

Anonymous 116676

>>116672
What does him being a normie have to do with nona's comment?

Anonymous 116683

First of all nona, I think you are depressed.
But with regards to the relationship:
>haven’t had sex and turn him down every time
>insecure about your abusive ex
>you have the ick
>you have “zero interest”
>relationship gone cold, he is traveling a lot
>if serious about being a Catholic should find a Catholic man with a good family

The writing is on the wall babe

Anonymous 116684

Definitely dump him, it sounds like you guys are not compatible at all and are wasting each other's time. You're obviously not into him sexually, and you seem barely into him as a person. Let each other go and experience new stuff. Or at least go back to existing for yourself without the stuffy, mediocre presence of someone who is always just kinda "there."

Anonymous 116698

>>116683
Why do you think Nona is depressed? I'm not OP but she sounds just like me which is why I ask

Anonymous 116709

>>116698
I'm OP, and yeah, I think nona's right, I'm probably depressed. Seasonal depression? Who knows. I stopped taking my ADHD meds because I'm pretty sure I was misdiagnosed. The only thing Concerta was doing was making my heart race like crazy. The weird thing is, in the summer I get more manic, like I'm super excited, work a lot, and then boom, burnout. It's a rollercoaster and it sucks.

I never had friends in school either. Used to be fat when I was a teenager, had health problems, but I fixed that. Still, it's like I'm stuck. Gonna start working out soon, maybe that'll snap me out of this lethargy. It's winter here, so that probably isn't helping either. Feels like I'm constantly in "low battery mode."

How old are you and since when do you feel like I do?
>>116683
Oh, and the worst part? This abusive dude wasn't even my ex. He was in a relationship with a woman and they had a child, and they basically "hunted" me, I posted on a forum that I was suicidal and the woman contacted me saying she was going to be my friend, offering me this so called "community." Where there were a lot of nerds. Then her partner ended up being a blackmail situation in a culty group where I got coerced into doing a bunch of humiliating stuff because the dude wanted an "harem" he said I was boring and asexual and wanted to "corrupt" me (gross moids being gross moids) and since I was even more insecure than I am now, he managed to manipulate me very well and even gaslighted me me into thinking that I was evil and needed to be "fixed".

Anonymous 116710

girl he's cheating on you. if he's traveling, especially if you haven't been putting out, he's definitely cheating. moids are like that. you have to be really careful.

it sounds like you have a lot of other issues in your life that you need to confront before getting in a relationship. and he doesn't deserve you, especially if he's not turning you on.

don't settle. find you a real man.

Anonymous 116713

Damn, I would kill for a guy who openly hates the idea of being violent in bed and respects how I'm affected by being an abuse survivor, but I digress.

It sounds like you're just not into him, so dumping him would be less excruciating than trying to make it work.

If you're really not sure, make it clear to him how you actually want him to conduct himself in bed, and if he still can't bring himself to trust how you really feel, it's time to break it off.

Anonymous 116958

I just think that “he” deserves a better partner than you imo.
If you’re just bored than what’s the point of having any meaningful relationship with anyone in the first place?!


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