/feels/ - Should I be concerned?

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Should I be concerned? Anonymous 09/15/24 (Sun) 09:13:05 PM116826

My boyfriend who I'll be moving to soon and I had a conversation. I asked if the money he is going to make is going to be enough, and he said yes. I said it would be better if I work too, and not be a leech plus the money I'd bring in would be nice and he passionately refused insisting I wouldn't need to work.
I'll say that I like the idea of being a stay at home mom and stuff, but being completely financially reliant on him is… restricting?
Is this what people call a red flag?
I have to say that he is a wonderful person whom I woud do anything for and I love him very much but every once in a while I think about this conversation.

Anonymous 09/15/24 (Sun) 10:15:55 PM116827

I don't really think it's a red flag yet. Maybe tell him you like the idea of having your own financial independence, and that it's more of a freedom thing then anything. He probably just wants to prove that he can provide for you, male pride sorta thing. If he starts questioning why you want to be independent in the first place and acts insulted that you want to have your own money, then maybe you should start asking questions about his mentality.

Anonymous 09/16/24 (Mon) 12:58:44 AM116829

>>116826
Is he forbidding you to work, or just eager to tell you you don't need to? Why do you feel it's restrictive to rely on him?
My boyfriend is paying for my move to him, and the house, and has left me his cards for everything else. He's happy to do it, and has never guilt tripped me, or used it as a way to control or manipulate - there are still men that value being able to provide for their woman so that she can be comfortable and happy.

Anonymous 09/16/24 (Mon) 06:58:13 AM116832

>>116827

Yes, it's more like a pride thing. I just rethought this whole situation. But I still feel a bit guilty for relying on him fully sometime in the future. I don't want to burden him

Anonymous 09/16/24 (Mon) 09:10:36 AM116833

Are you two married? If not, then you don't have a lot of legal protection if he just up and leaves. If/when you do get married, have a prenup that protect you (alimony, assets, etc.)

Anonymous 09/16/24 (Mon) 01:55:00 PM116835

>>116833
Not OP, but do you have any resources for getting a solid prenup? Ideally something where he gets nothing if he leaves/cheats.

Anonymous 09/18/24 (Wed) 11:03:18 AM116872

>>116826
Insisting is one thing, but forcing you to stay at home and not work? Is a HUGE red flag. It will lead to financial abuse. There is a good chance he wants you to be financially dependant on him so he can easily manipulate you. Do NOT stay at home. If he forces you to, leave.

Anonymous 09/18/24 (Wed) 11:05:12 AM116873

>>116826
Also how are you going to save money if you can't work? You need to save money for yourself regardless of whether you're relying on him or not

Anonymous 09/21/24 (Sat) 06:03:49 PM117002

Girl please don't do this. It's called being a house slave. You're literally Dobby.