/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>117906
You sound like you just have borderline personality disorder, not bpd. I'm going to tell you what everyone else is and you already know what that is why should i even continue writing a response? It seems futile with you female cucks.

>>117915
>You sound like you just have borderline personality disorder, not bpd
anon…
Anyway why you’re here if you’re not a woman?

>>117916
OP definitely sounds like a woman.

Bpd is not real. Literally just stop being a bitch. Simple as. I don’t get it truly why this is so hard for people to understand. If you are self aware enough to know you were picking fights and canceling dates for no reason, why can’t you just have a shred of self control to… not do that?

>>117921
Yeah we don't have enough evidence to conclude that. Or even that she was "fighting" about. He might just as well be gaslighting her. He might be shittiest person ever. This dynamic is so cliche.

>>117922
Idk. Sounds like we have plenty of evidence
>acted like a bitch sometimes, was too demanding, starts arguing, cancel dates because of my mental problems, extremely jealousy, mostly thinking about my comfort first
>he eventually gets tired of me and my drama, love me less and less every month
She literally said she was thinking about her “comfort first” and treated the guy like shit. Usually, I am not on the scrote’s side, and I want to give nona the benefit of the doubt, but I have had so many ex friends treat me shittily and then blame it on “bpd” or “mental problems.” If he is distant now, op cannot force him to take her back because she is supposedly “working on herself.” He does not have to forgive her after treating him like shit.

>>117924
Yeah or she could just be stressed out. She obviously has attachment issues that cannot be managed in any way. Either way she needs to leave the relationship.

>>117921
>>117924
I’m not trying to excuse myself behind bpd. I was just using the meme term. In reality I’ve had many diagnoses over the years but I don’t over identify with them. I’m grieving all my past mistakes right now. I know I acted like a bitch but when I did it, it was justified for me. I suffer from a rare sleep disorder which means I’m chronically tired. I canceled dates or sent him back home because I was dissociated, low energy, irritated, dizzy etc. But it doesn’t justify shit I know. Then I experienced my first gay crush ever and it was totally unpredictable. I told him I was confused with this girl because I didn’t want or hide anything from him. But it could have been better to not say shit because in the end I chose him. At first I behaved like a spoiled girl asking him to buy me shit and take me to eat. After some months I learned to stop wasting his money but the damage was there. I was extremely jealous of female friends he has. He was more passionate and lovey dovey than me and I didn’t reciprocate when it was the right time to do it. Now things are unbalanced. Due to my emotional instability and sleep problems I was becoming more and more negative and bitter and he hated that.
>>117922
He’s a nice guy but very straight forward and simple minded. He wants peace but I created chaos in his life so many times and I’m trying to redeem myself now. The truth is I just want him to be “obsessed” with me again because I’m in the same page now :( I keep reading old messages from months ago. He was so sweet, so invested. I told him today this isn’t going well for me but I try to not tell him anything to avoid sharing negative things with him. He said he needs his personal space and I get it! I used to be the same and it wasn’t big deal. I didn’t realize how much he was suffering just by thinking about me. I want to go forward and be happy that he decided not to leave me but I yearn for his proximity. I want to be near him always.

>>117926
You sound completely mentally unwell in the first post. Nobody should be that emotionally frazzled. Its more than the guy. You need to take a break and get serious therapy because you sound like a wreck.

The whole relationship is just going to burn up at this point if you keep obsessing over him. Honestly i think you're whole problem is that you're so obsessive to begin with. You need to mentally detach otherwise those thoughts are going to ruin your life.

>>117930
Yeah I’m in a low point and being in these circumstances (no job, no studies, dropping hobbies because of illness, no social life) exacerbate the obsession. I can’t fathom how my mind broke so fast. From consider myself a free spirit to be absolute destroyed by the thought of a man. I see people walking alone in the street and I ask myself how’s that possible. Does life exist without him? I feel like a child being abandoned by his parents.
But I wonder if a relationship where the parts don’t talk often or one puts more than the other it’s actually possible. I wonder if this is meant to be or it will definitely die at some point.

>>117931
You sound like you're just desperately trying to impersonate and caricature all women scrote

>>117951
…I’m not a man. I’m seriously suffering because of emotional dependency and there’s no genuine advice so far. Saying “oh the solution is so obvious just stop suffering lmao” isn’t a refreshing perspective. This site has become gradually more violent and paranoid. The type of people that continuously engage in comment section’s cat fights.

>>117962
Sorry but there are a lot of men who come on here and write desperate pictures of insane women to troll this board.

Anyhow maybe you could do something like put all that clingyness aside for a while and try a new approach. Don't show ANY kind of fixation on him that he can see. Become really emotionally detached to everything he does. I'm not saying completely reject him but only give him little bits of attention. (Get very good at acting distant. Research it online if you have to, until you have no more questions about it) This way he starts to get paranoid of you pulling away which pulls him more into you. Also go outside and get a job. Just apply for anything to get yourself out of the house, out of your mind, so you can buy some nice things for yourself, save some money, make friends etc.

And I'm dead serious about keeping up this act where you are semi-distant. Be extremely good at it. I mean obviously you drop him some bones here and there and keep him happy enough but make him work for your attention. This will make him obsessed with you lol.

But remember this only works if you do it right. You've GOT to understand how much clingyness can actually really dull a person's attraction to you.
Thats probably what you're experiencing. He's probably overwhelmed by that and getting slightly turned off. But you can still fix it before things get bad. If you act emotionally disconnected and never emotionally react to things you will be much much much better off.

Seriously can you go back to school or get a job?

whenever you get a voice in your head that say he's going to betray you, and it makes you want to lash out to escape the feeling, you should probably try your best to ignore them and hold on to things in reality that keep you grounded. things that anchor you so you dont lose your mind. i think it would help to have a hobby to cling on to whenever youre alone so it consumes your mental energy rather than your insecurities ending up consuming you. i wanna say great that you still do chores and go to the gym despite barely having any energy before nona so congrats on that. i think if you try everyday you will get further than you realise even when it feels like the world is crashing down. a therapist like others have said would be good to help you with this if thats something available to you. its easier when you rely on others to kind of help you mentalize around your disorders for you.

so basically my advice to become empowered and gain your sense of self again
>unempower your emotions
>distract yourself with hobbies/interests
>hold on to facts/things in reality that keep you grounded
>find a therapist to help work you through this
this might sounds weird but some people personify their emotions/voices as being another person thats trying to destroy their lives, so maybe you could pretend its this to help you go against and idenitfy your feelings of extreme self doubt and jealousy whenever they happen. honestly its great that youre aware of your behaviour and willing to change it even though you know it causes others (and yourself) suffering so its a good first step. good job.
>if he chose to stay with me and give another opportunity to us, why hes so cold? why I had to beg him to message me more often?
he knows how much you can hurt him now, so hes instinctively putting distance between you and his emotions to protect himself. its a human reaction. i think if he still wants to be with you after everything that then its still a good sign. so dont give up nona. i get the sense i have to say this though, if it doesnt work out, your emotions may be telling you its the end of your life, but the reality is you can find someone else even of it doesnt seem like it. please dont cut or kill yourself before then - especially not over a man. im not on my meds rn so i hoped i made sense.

we're complete opposites
>>117979

>>117967
>Seriously can you go back to school or get a job?
I will. I definitely will. I want to start working next week and studying next year.
As for the rest, I think the push and pull involved in that dynamic is exhausting. Especially if it doesn't come from me naturally because I have so much love for him and almost no pride. Plus I know that at this point, when he's already busy and focused on other things, he wouldn't notice my distance. Hell, he himself started communicating less for that reason. Not because he wanted to catch my attention with indifference in some twisted mind game. Admittedly, I have to tone it down, because I'm acting like a fangirl around him. It feels like entering the honeymoon phase all over again, but only for me. All nervous and desperate for him. If I don't talk to him, he won't talk to me. If I control myself to the limit and don't text him for 6 hours, which will be a huge victory for me, for him it will be routine. Thanks for trying to help me but that method isn’t sustainable for me.
>>117979
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It feels so good to have a stranger acknowledge your effort no matter how small it may seem. You are so sweet. Today I tried to carry out two of your principles, including connecting with an online therapist. It went well. I also tried to focus on reality instead of fantasies, but it’s so hard to keep my imagination quiet. I mean, yesterday I spent part of the day with my boyfriend and before I got to his house the nervousness and anxiety were so extreme that I just wanted to end it all. I was about to send myself to urgency (wtf…). Then, when we parted ways, I felt like the happiest and most fulfilled woman in the world. Until today, of course, that I’m waiting again for his texts with pathological impatience. He left work 1 hour ago, but he doesn't say anything to me. He gave the relationship another chance, but I feel like he doesn't give us another chance. Otherwise, why wouldn't he even remember that I exist to send me a little text? Even after I said to him I greatly appreciate small texts telling me what he’s doing/going to do. I blame myself every day for the damage I did to get him to this point. Just like you said, he’s damaged. He’s hurt. But we were supposed to get through this together. Ugh. I'm overthinking it again. Today I was going to work up the courage to ask him to sleep over tomorrow. With every date proposal I make, I feel like that sad ant that packs its stuff with a stick and leaves home. Well, when I eventually get the notification of his message, my brain will explode with joy. Then go back to normal. That's how things are for now.
>im not on my meds rn so i hoped i made sense.
Yeah nona everything was clear as water. I really appreciate your energy and time into writing this. I aspire to have freedom in my mind, heart and spirit again…