/feels/ - Advice & Venting

so I found out my boyfriend cheated on me the other day and I didn't know for a whole fucking week and the only reason I found out is because my friend looked through his following and found someone and in their bio it said "taken by (his username)". he blocked me because he said it was for my safety because his old friends and exes were trying to dox him and me so I couldnt post him or say I'm dating him or anything and it actually hurts me so bad because I genuinely thought he cared Abt me but it turns out he just wanted to take my fucking virginity then find another bitch to manipulate into letting him use their body. he rushed things so fucking quick and it literally kills me to know he didn't love me the same way I loved him. I gave him a shoulder to cry on when his mom had kicked him out but he wouldn't do the same when I have having extreme mood swings and sobbing my eyes out, he wouldn't even care when I talked about my favorite things and all of that shit. he had used me. I let him take my virginity and I genuinely trusted him and showed him my body (which I'm literally so fucking insecure about) and he hurts me like that. I never EVER did ANYTHING for him to hurt me like that and he still did. I feel so fucking disgusting and gross that I let him do that to me. I haven't been able to feel happy and my friends think I'm mad at them and I'm not I'm just stressed and sad and just so many emotions and I feel like shit my grades are terrible and all of this shit is because of a boy I dated for four months. I dont know what I had done for him to treat me like that. I feel so gross knowing someone who saw me as an object was allowed to use me like one and I didn't even know.when we were having sex I thought it was intimate but he just wanted an object. that's all he wanted. I don't even know why he did that to me when he wanted me first. I deadass fucking hate this shit and Im about to go insane