Anonymous 118348
I need help. I've been with this man for 10 months now. I have an anxious attachment style, and he has an avoidant attachment style. It is so exhausting to deal with, and you might say, "Well, just leave him!". It isn't that easy, and frankly, I do not want to lose him. I really do love this man, but we just have so many conflicting moments, more than cheery ones. He always has time for his friends, but never has time for me. The moment I have even an hour alone with him, he feels the need to leave and talk to his friends. I just want closeness, and he doesn't. BUT! when we finally get close, it's amazing. We share good moments together, but it never lasts, and I just end up depressed when it ends. Begging for his attention and affection. There was also a time he vented to this girl about our relationship problems, knowing she flirted with him. And after knowing I wasn't comfortable with that, he still chose to talk to her. He finally stopped talking to her recently, I think…He's very secretive, and when I beg for reassurance, he never gives it. Screenshots? Nah…you're an insecure bitch. Deal with it. It's not fair. It seems like I'm the glue in this relationship, but it's wearing thin…I can only give so much. He's eating everything on the table, but…I need to eat, too. He dismisses my feelings. And he's also never once apologized to me for his shitty actions. I'm always apologizing, even for things I didn't do. He makes me seem crazy for begging him to give the bare minimum. And when he wants my attention, after not giving him any, he tries to get a reaction out of me. For example, he'll post pictures of nude girls, in hopes of ticking me off, so that I give him attention. Even if it isn't positive attention. He's also almost always drunk, so it's like I'm talking to a brick wall when he is. He's also humiliated me in front of his friends, MANY TIMES. He talks bad about me to them, and makes me seem like the villain. It isn't fair. Fuck, man…I just want him to love and appreciate me.
Anonymous 118350
Why do you even do this to yourself?
You know all too well what you must do.
Anonymous 118357
nothing is going to change
>spends more time with friends
>flirts with other girls
>hides shit from you
>insults you
>gaslights about your needs then
>shittily looks at nudes to get a rise out of you
he doesnt like you and thats not going to change no matter the words that leave his mouth. youre not going to get what you want from him. you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. dont waste your good years on someone who doesnt love you
Anonymous 118383
>>118348You're not anxiously attached, you're with someone who obviously does not like you, uses you, hurts you, and cheats on you. What you think is an attachment issue is your mind & body trying to tell you something is wrong and you should leave. The longer you stay in this relationship, the more damage you do (which will affect your next relationship) and the more time (that could be spent finding someone who does actually care for you) you waste
Anonymous 118384
>>118348He's not avoidant, I can tell you that because my husband is and I have to live with it, he doesn't have a single friend and barely wants to talk to me or anyone else most times and is mostly in his head doing his own thing. Your guy sounds perfectly normally social, just not with you, he doesn't seem to like you very much and sounds like kind of an ass anyway. I agree with the others and it's most likely a good idea to get away from this man asap. You haven't even been with him for a single year, and especially if you don't live together yet it will be easy to cut ties and forget this nightmare ever happened.
Anonymous 118385
>>118384>'Your guy sounds perfectly normally social, just not with you.'i hope op won't ignore this
Anonymous 118402
>I just want him to love and appreciate me.
Good luck nona, men like this never change for the better especially when women like you keep giving them the benefit of doubt njo matter how shitty they are to you
Anonymous 118422
You love him but he doesn’t even like you. Think about all of the awful things he does to you and ask yourself if you’d do any of that to a friend. It doesn’t matter how nice and loving he is after he humiliates and degrades you. He’s an abusive asshole and you can’t fix him.
Anonymous 118544
>>118348i got out of a very, VERY similar relationship dynamic about 2 months ago and all i have to say is to fucking run. literally the same down to thinking i was anxious-attachment and he was avoidant-attachment, and begging for time together, any attention, and love. the only difference is in shitty actions compared to the guy you're talking about. my relationship was 7 months in total and it's been a slow healing process - don't make it worse than it needs to be . he will not change.
Anonymous 118546
>For example, he'll post pictures of nude girls, in hopes of ticking me off, so that I give him attention. Even if it isn't positive attention. He's also almost always drunk, so it's like I'm talking to a brick wall when he is. He's also humiliated me in front of his friends, MANY TIMES.
Leave him. This is fucked up.
