/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I'm used to be introverted friendless slob who desperately wanted human attention and now I'm leader of small student organization (which is part of bigger organization) and God, I'm so tired of these cunts. They all are sick, either physically or mentally. You can't plan shit with them, because tomorrow they're having migraines and mental breakdowns. My boss demands me to find new people convince them into joining my organization. How the fuck I am supposed to do it when no one, no one wants to meet new people and talk with them even for hour. Those fucks talk about how they don't like studying and retarded professors, but when they have the opportunity to skip classes and do something useful they all suddenly choose lectures and shit. They only come for the fun part and never want to help in non fun parts. Screw this shit,

>>120289
what kinda organization is it? since you're the leader, can't you just take it easy and make everyone else do the work?

>>120291
herding cats is what leaders do, it's why no one actually likes being in charge, just envious of the attention those who are have on them.

This is an absolutely silly vent, I guess it's a pet peeve… but does any one else hate how on threads like "what's the worst thing you've ever done", the replies are always some nonsense like "the worst thing I did to a woman is my mum really hurt when she gave birth to me"… No seriously. What's the percentage of men who've raped, what's the percentage of men who've deceived to obtain sex… apparently something like 50% of german men have purchased a prostitute… Am I seriously led, on male dominated message boards to believe that the worst thing you've ever done is "I cheated on my geography homework because the world map was on the back of my schoolboook" or whatever.

I get that people aren't actually going to dig deep, reach into that deep mental abyss, and really talk about the worst recesses of their mind… or incriminate themselves. But honestly, try to at least post the second or third worst anecdote, not some random zany anecdote which is obviously forgivable because you were 12, and if you want to claim a zany anecdote is the worst thing you've ever done, at least make it a zany anecdote where you unwittingly ruin someone's life.

I'm talking to this guy I met online and at first we seemed to really hit it off, we were able to talk for hours on end about nothing and he seemed to share the same feelings for me. We would have a lot of fun together.
Now after a few weeks of talking he's suddenly started to act lukewarm about me, gives me mixed signals and gives me the shortest answers he can to my texts.
I can't help but feeling hurt, I don't know what to do. I feel like the problem is probably me being too available and clingy.
I feel like the damage is done and that there's nothing I can really do to fix it. I hope I'm wrong but it seems like I'm not.
Can anyone give me advice on what to do?

I don't want to be mentally ill. I don't want to be mentally handicapped. I don't want to be scared and stressed all the time.

>>120376
How did you guys meet online?

I've started to mush my favorite characters together to make an original husbando in an original world to escape to. I feel pretty pathetic about it.

I don't want to go home. I want to dissapear and start over but I'm too scared.

I'm way too old for my bf but I still allow him to control me and manipulate me because being a femcel was much worse, or maybe not, either way I rly feel like there's nothing else I could be doing and having an uneventful life was even more painful. Pic unrelated.

>>120443
How is he manipulating you?

i honestly do not enjoy watching shows or movies anymore after realizing how much of a propaganda mill it is. disney is one of the worst companies out there for creating new media ((live action """remakes""")) just for people to ragebait at.

never become a pawn for someone else or let them manipulate you to go against your desires anons. here's an example - if you're ever like, i literally have no idea what is attractive because the media is literally brainwashing me to go against my desires, literally just look at attractive and cute people around you and see who they date in the long term.

people who weaponize others suck.

>>120450
oh yea anons
and if youre ever like, why does this person want me to rage at this other person so bad, its because they did shitty things to them. thats why.

practice same gender friendship and fuck people who do the above. genuinely life ruining shit

How can a person be so gross to make a post on women's day and call women annoying in the same fucking post? the post was about her fave fictional character self-insert too, not about women at all.
Imagine using women's day to praise a fictional woman and at the same time shit on another fictional woman

>>120454
highly recommend this channel btw

>>120450
i mean just looking at its CEO right

>>120454
please don't use this thread to post ugly scrotes thank you

>>120444
Mostly just sex and making me feel guilty, he gets irritated if i refuse, even if he's the one initiating it (he whines and turns his back on me, doesn't let me hug him or anything until I apologize). I know I'm hard to love too since I cry a lot and I'm awkward at saying cutesy stuff so I guess it evens out.

i only help people when i detach completely from my feelings and become numb to their problems. the help i offer isnt even that good so it's very exhausting and not so rewarding. i want to be a reliable person at all costs.

>>120376
stop caring and he will likely like you more. idk why but guys are like this. i think they like to feel like they caught something special and they can't if you're always available. like let him earn you. even if he doesn't start to like you more, you'll feel detached enough to move on.

>>120288
I miss him so much but he does not even care

theres this thing people do where they encourage people to go to countries and do really sexually torturous things.

its not hard. make your tone of voice really indifferent, and throw in sadistic humour.

it really is fucked up, its fucked up to read when you see it happening to certain countries, and oftentimes it just encourages someone to do sadistic sexual torture there

there is quite literally no reason why someone would have to do this. thats what joker is based off by the way. yes it makes people want to kill themselves and self harm

so

yeah

>>120493
i mean
doesnt have to be countries. could be people in general

>>120494
and when it happens, or whatever, it feels like "pins and needles", and causes a bunch of emotional instability. i think the point of why 4chan is so destabilizing is because they do this a lot. with races of women, and groups of people

and yeah. theres probably a lot of women and teens who killed themselves because of this panicked feeling. also, sometimes there are women who dislike women that have this sexual sadism performed onto them. know whats happening and realize that they would not do this to someone they cared about.

i dont. know why you would do this to anyone really. but the point is that its wrong.

for some reason "i love" statements help a lot. it doesnt really bother you as much when you realize that they do it because theyre hateful people and want to spread hatred.

>>120495
just dont.
involve people in "despair" lol

>>120509
you are not a cat
you will never be a cat
literally no one actually likes cats
i am 100 lbs
there is still someone more sexually dimorphic than you

I'm tired of pretending I give a shit about college. Honestly, I've been burnt out for a good time now and I'm barely managing to do schoolwork. I'm not even sure I actually want to work as an animator, I kind of chose this major because I'm good at drawing, but I fear that's not enough for me to be good. Should've studied an humanity, but maybe if I was, I'd be feeling the same way too. There's no scape.

>>120583
escape*
forgive my ESL

Tired of my job but also too scared to try working somewhere new

I'm VERY good at meeting new people but HORRIBLE at sustaining the friendship. Only if they're really cute I'll try to poke and prod them, otherwise I simply don't give much of a shit. No idea why. Therapistfriend says it could be me dictating value in people and cutting them out if they don't reach a certain "worth". I'm too scared to visit a real therapist for this reason.

>>120598
I relate to this
I can make a great first impression but after that it's like a timer starts counting down until they realize there's something fundamentally wrong

>>120598
>>120598
Same, except I don't want to keep anyone close.

a life of coexistence with others is impossible. it seems the common reason to not end it all is because it regards the emotions of others, not yourself. i'd understand the sentiment but there is truly, and i mean truly no one that needs me and no one will particularly be harmed by my loss. it feels pretty pointless to continue now, and there is no one harmed by my selfishness

Don't think I'll go out tonight. Too busy thinking about the people I still love but are too far from my reach

I wish I had a friend to talk with and do things with. Last week I sat next to a table of girls drinking and having fun and I want that so desperately. I have nowhere to meet people and I don't bring anything too interesting to the table tbh. My last friend from college who I used to occasionally text finally ghosted me completely last year. No online friends. Only social media is here, tumblr, and reddit so the problem is getting worse.

For the first time in a long time I looked out over the stair rails and imagined jumping. I know it's not actually high enough to die and would make my life far worse so I won't. But it made me realize I low my life is right now.

>>120641
Do you want to vent about it, nona?

I didn't get proposed to. We didn't have a wedding ceremony. No wedding rings even though I want them. No honey moon. And I got called selfish for wanting to dress up (in clothes we already own) and go out for our anniversary. I feel like shit.

>>120655
He never loved you

https://youtube.com/shorts/6dx74YpJ4h0?si=88yLh5vAa0o2uTV3
The comment section under this clip broke me

I wish I was less socially retarded. why can’t I function when people talk to me?

I want to stay in a hotel by myself for a week and just relax.I'm so tired, physically and mentally.

thinking about how different my life would've been if my mom had forced me to wear a corset from a very young age so my body would develop in a more conventionally "attractive" way and i wouldn't have incurred crippling body dysmorphia and ED (i probably would still have incurred both those issues, but at least i'd look better while suffering)

>>120717
Stomach vaccums if done properly can help with a defined curvier waist.

whyd youtube ban leafy

fucking yahoo fucking mail

I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with a group of people, it was so nice that my brain keeps coming back to it as if it’s something I can do again

My husband had a mental breakdown, was delusional, forgot who he was and completely forgot the last few days. Potentially due to a concussion but I wonder if he had a small stroke, although his words weren't slurred. I want him to get an mri but he won't go to the hospital.

My boyfriend likes to lick my teeth and I don’t understand why…

>>120762
Divorce him or cheat on him or both. He deserves it.

>>120767
God I see the things you do for others

>>120767
He's a dentist
He's cleaning off the plaque and tartar

>>120769
I’m sorry but what?
>>120783
Nona I love you never change lol

>>120784
What I was trying to say is I'm jealous of you lol

>>120762
Kill him and then dump him in the river.

>>120785
>jealous
You . . . Want? A teeth-licker bf? Why?

Don't know how to explain this but I think I am afraid of talking and befriending anybody really, I miss the pre middle school days where everybody was friends with each other no matter the sex but since puberty it seems to be this really odd atmosphere where courtship seems to be always in the air. I am afraid of talking with other women irl since back in middle school they supported my male bully to the point they told him where I live so he went to my apartment to verbally harass me and he cover the peaking hole so I would open the door and put his foot in the door so I couldn't close it and they were behind him cheering him on, those same women a few weeks early busted into the bathroom stall I was in when I was peeing and they started to laugh at me, don't know how it is in other countries but in the poor school I grew up in there where no locks so people went in groups of 2 in the bathroom so somebody would hold the door close but I had no friends so I had to pee while trying to hold the door close at the same time.
My mom had always been odd, when I was little I always told the truth only for her to lie about the most things be it insignificant or significant, she would come home and just slap the hell out of me because I didn't knew to do my homeworks while my aunt would just scream and threaten me for the same reason, she screamed louder than my mom but at least she didn't beat me while my sis lock me in the bathroom and beat the shit out of me for being lazy and sleeping all day. My dad mostly ignored me which I am so glad for but he always was a ticking time bomb, do something not the second he said it and he would slap you so hard you feel the bone of your cheek. I tried to have various female friends after elementary school but I always get the same complaints that I am too odd or strange or they befriend me to be their personal lolcow and I didn't realize that until way later while guys thought I had an interest in them or when I thought I finally found a friend he try to kiss me out of nowhere without my consent. I am afraid of making any friends even now, I know that I grew up sheltered and that people would probably take advantage of that, i hate that word "sheltered" so much, it wasn't nice spending the first 6 years of my life being locked in a room with nothing to do outside watching cartoons and getting food at 6am and 6pm, is strange no seeing a person in those crucial years, it feels like living with a species of aliens with no context on how to live and act also I already know I sounds like a rich asshole saying this since there's people who don't have food and shelter, trust me it's been told to me many times.

>>120790
I didn't realize this ended up as an wall text, sorry

>>120791
I just wished there was nobody around, a sorta last person on earth situation or live the rest of my life in an abandoned house, I don't think I ever known rest just irrational panic of making a mistake and upsetting somebody

>>120790
>>120791
>>120792
I hope you find peace.

How do I make friends? I just lost all mine again because I had to move and break away from them. I’m moving to a small city so there would be people there, but I have no idea how to talk to people irl. I would even be friends with men if it were possible to find any who aren’t into that cp anime crap.

>>120901
You have to go to functions that you enjoy.

>>120583
wow, another animator here
can't say i reciprocate the feeling, my interest in animation is the one thing i have going for me, but i understand. you can always change majors and see them for yourself

Is anyone else really badly scared of their loved ones dying? Just this knowing that everyone I know will die some day (and it won’t be very long from now, all things considered) fills me with this deep sense of dread and despair

i wish i had a friend. it hurts to see others have friends. even children do. even intellectually disabled people do. even so-called lonely people do. even bad people do. most people do. but i have no one and never have. it hurts so deeply that i can not being to explain it to someone who has had a friend before.

Is this selfish? I've been told I lack empathy so idk if I'm overreacting. I feel hurt and unappreciated.

Almost every night, my husband and I watch whatever youtube/streaming/tv my husband wants to watch. Altough he will sonetimes present options for me to choose from. At least 2 times a week we will spend 5-8 hours watching material only he is interested in.

In my free time, I'm watching his favorite anime series because he asked me to. I'm over 30 episodes in.

Last night he offered to watch my favorite series, which I have never pushed on him. I was so happy. He watched 4 episodes and complained it wasn't interesting yet.

…Then we watched 6 episodes of a series he likes.

>>120937
Start complaining too…grown man lol

>>120937
Do you enjoy watching the stuff he likes or are you just doing it to spend time with him? imo there's no point making him watch your stuff if he's just going to complain and be annoying the whole time, but you should also maybe stop being willing to constantly watch his crap all the time too if he's gonna act like this.

>>120940
I like about half of it, I guess. I'm willing to watch anything and I can usually find something I like about any piece of media. But he will put on a miniseries on ww2 and get mad when I doze off a few hours in.

>>120288
I moved to this neew country and it's super hard to talk to other adult women to be friends. E.j, cashier at the supermarket I go to every day, and no, I don't work yet.

I'm persistently aware of how boring I am and I don't know what to do about it.

>>120954
what makes you boring

I need to stop drinking before I damage my liver any more, but getting drunk on the weekends was the only thing I had to look forward to. Now I've got nothing to do or to look forward to.

i hate my disgusting older autistic retard brother

>>120937
Everything you described here is only internal to you. The first response hit the nail on the head, stop being passive out of concern for being "selfish", he's your husband, he's the one person in the world required to care about your wants and needs and clearly doesn't mind being selfish himself. If you let things continue this way, you'll just feel like you have all your decisions made for you in perpetuity until you blow up.

This will be a good small and harmless test to see if he actually cares about your feelings too.

I cope with the production and proliferation of fictional media that sexualizes abuse of women by consuming and supporting fictional media that sexualizes the abuse of males. They don't listen when we tell them to stop, so I see no reason to hold back or respect any form of "decency". I've noticed basically none of it is ever as bad as the content they make of women and girls, but that's not really surprising.

I guess the duo in the trio thing is real because for the past 2 years my friends all they do all day is talk about how they find vkei guys attractive and call me crazy when they ask my opinion, and I tell them I don't like it , its not my thing. All they do is talk about it, and if I try to learn more about it or try to talk about something else, they ignore me. Were all losers too so we write our own stories for fun and they'll share stories between each other but with me they say no especially when it comes to showing each other their art and I show them my writing and art w no issue anytime they ask to see mine or want access to read my document. I understand them not showing me their stuff it can be personal but I'm almost not allowed to participate in anything with them. Honestly I feel like I'm whining like a middle schooler, but I'm getting left out on everything, and if one gets left alone with me then they'll talk to me for like 3 minutes and then take off. I think I need to get new friends but I've been friends with them for so long it feels like there's no one else to talk to anymore other than them so I just gotta put up with being purposely ignored and left out.

>>120983
To be honest, i think this is a great way to cope. I don't know why performative twt activists act like yaois "fetishization" of gay men is so bad. It's still nowhere near the oppression and abuse women suffer. Im not saying yaoi is feminism or anything similar to it is but it makes me feel hopeless that anything will ever change if we cant even change how women are portrayed in fiction

I've always felt alienated from other women since I'm barely attracted to men and very much into women. But since I'm somewhat bi I can't relate with lesbians fully either. Feels weird to come here and see the way other girls thirst over guys and not get it at all even though I do like my bf.

I made a friend at uni and she's very smart and is very good at sucking up at the professors so I stick around because of that. However, she's super judgy and mean (makes bad comments about people in class, puts anyone who she feels is better than her down etc) and I really want to cut her off and meet new people but she's in all of my classes and it's not like I can avoid her out of the sudden
She's always so passive aggressive and fake nice so I'm the only one who has seen this and I have no one else I can confide in about this.
I cannot stand her anymore

>>120989
Meet people outside of your classes

I'm a waste of time and money to my family. I live in guilt for being useless, it's been like this since I was a child.
Medication and therapy have only managed to keep me stable enough to get out of bed and take care of the house.
At the moment, I'm pretending to take my university classes seriously. Sometimes I do a couple assignments, but I'm unable to keep up the pace.
I'm mediocre at everything I do, just good enough for people to think I'm smart. The way things are today, honestly, why bother? If I'm to compete, I'll lose to everyone else.
At 27, I never had a job and dropped out of university two times already, in different majors. There isn't a future for me, and there's no escape.

I wish I wasn’t a friendless loser. I use to be friends with my ex bf but we don’t really talk anymore since he got a gf. My only companions are my dogs. I’m so genuinely scared to lose them:/ I’ll probably kill myself when they die. They’re the only ones who’d be genuinely affected by my death anyways.

So much of /hb/ just feels like a proana board now and it makes me upset. That's a community I desperately tried to move away from so I don't think I can check there anymore. Sad because I like this site.

>>121007
What proana?

>>121008
it's not everyone but there is a lot of obsession around calories and calorie deficit. saying shit like "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". there are people that are trying to help and not encourage low calorie goals and things like that but yet it keeps coming up. i don't really want to insinuate it's exactly the same as true pro-ana communities or say that these threads shouldn't exist but it's enough to upset me. hence the vent lol.

>>121013
got it …I still think its better that they post here and somebody corrects them instead of getting encouragement from edtwt and similar places. A lot of these ed adjacent quotes seems to be from younger women or girls ( I say this because that is what is trending on that side of twt ) but yeah I do see how it can be triggering for others.

>>121007
I noticed that, too. It makes me feel sad because I've been there (and still restrict calories… It's not like I'm "better" than them) Basically I'd like it if dieting talk was kept in the general diet thread.

>>121014
the return of proana content to the mainstream consciousness has been devastating to every semi recovered anorexic tbh. it’s even got my ass relapsing and i thought that would never happen

>>121006
Have you tried going outside?

>>1209341zd
>it hurts to see others have friends.
Not saying this is a 100% cure but it's because you're too focused on it imo. It's like watching water boil and feeling like it takes longer to boil than it actually does, if you can find some hobbies or something to occupy your time and thoughts then at the very least there's that much time spent not thinking about people who have friends.
>even children do.
Children are too underdeveloped to have the mental and societal barriers adults have.
>even intellectually disabled people do.
Some people are too stupid to know better than to keep company they probably barely get along with.
>even so-called lonely people do.
Someone who claims to be lonely despite being surrounded by others is either saying it for attention or because they don't share a deep enough connection with their friends, in which case calling them "friends" might be less accurate than just "acquaintances."
>even bad people do.
Either because people are too forgiving or because those bad people keep it a secret as to how bad they really are.
>most people do.
Only because humans are a social species, a lot of people will be friends with each other even if doing so causes more grief than contentment because they are a slave to biology's whims.
>it hurts so deeply that i can not being to explain it to someone who has had a friend before.
Then don't explain it. The understanding of some midwit is worthless anyway, they will respond with some empty platitudes because they think they need to validate your experience somehow since validation is all they care about. The best thing you can do is just keep on living and take what you can get, if you ever end up obtaining a meaningful connection then just appreciate it while it's happening I guess. I might not have the best advice though since I have the opposite problem, I have a few friends but I would like to cut direct ties with them and only 'be friends' when we happen to occupy the same space so I can spend my free time doing what I want.

>>120985
>but I've been friends with them for so long
That's a tricky justification to get past but if you're miserable with them and they have little to no respect for you then you don't owe them anything.

I feel so bad for everyone around me. To my roommate for being disorganised and messy. For my friends at our organisation who put trust me with responsibilities just for me to fuck up. To my parents who believe me to be intelligent and do well in uni. I wish people would see me as the idiot at first glance so i wouldn't end up hurting them by dissapointing them.
I don't believe they're even asking that much of me to begin with. I'm just a massive idiot so normal things are hard for me.
I feel like cutting again but i don't honestly want to be hurt. I just wish to be forgiven and to be treated realistically in respect of my lack of disclipine and intellect

i think i spiral without male attention. why do i want it so bad.

My grandpa's funeral is tomorrow and all my cousins are in town. I saw them Sunday and yesterday and it was exhausting. They're all also super fit and/or skinny and I'm 15 lbs overweight even though I do yoga every day. Also I never really felt close to my grandpa. I have really mixed feelings towards him. He would criticize me a lot and I never felt comfortable around him. And he was just a cranky mean man and borderline abusive to my grandma. But he gave me like $4000 when I turned 18 and then another $1000 when he died. So that was nice of him. idk what to say or feel. It's nice that my fiance is coming with me but I feel bad putting him through this. I would hate having to go to his grandpa's funeral but of course I would go to support him and his family. It's all just exhausting and I can't wait until I'm in the car driving away from the memorial tomorrow.

>>121073
>I'm 15 lbs overweight
That's literally nothing, stop trying to find ways to hate yourself.

>>120288
WHY IS HE FLIRTING WITH ME DIE DIE DIE YOU KNOW I CANT DO THIS AGAIIN I LITERALLY HAVE CRIED FOR MONTHS ABOUT YOU

>>121102
I literally don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m always teetering on an edge with him. I’m moving on but he isnt and he keeps pulling me down and I feel guilty that I’m forgetting everything but it’s the only way I can go but what I am moving towards? There is nothing out there for me. It’s over

>>121102
I literally don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m always teetering on an edge with him. I’m moving on but he isnt and he keeps pulling me down and I feel guilty that I’m forgetting everything but it’s the only way I can go but what I am moving towards? There is nothing out there for me. It’s over

>>121102
Humiliated me in front of all my friends a family. Worst thing you’ve ever done. You should have left me alone

>>120288
Everyone but me has a boyfriend. Soemthing is so wrong with me

Being a friendless, financially trapped scapegoat sucks.

I CANT EVEN LEAVE THE ROOM when the toxic, creepy, controlling selfish moid sibling constantly follows me around/stands in the next room listening. What happens when I obey, and dont leave when that POS walks in the same room Im in? He says threatening "jokes" that will result in me being gaslit/ostracised if I call him out on it. Or I get to hear more misogynist crap MAP Walsh crap about how women shouldnt be CEOs, which my mom agrees to and says women who are mean to men/are feminist have it coming [it meaning male violence], with her fist in the air.

If I leave the room to avoid him, he tells the whole family on me for doing so. Hes a Nice Guy, everyone else thinks, yet he destroyed a door because a light was flickering. Then my family interrogates me and accuses me of hating him/doing things on purpose to him.

This same scumbag did not wish me a happy birthday, yet I might have to say it to him when its his bday, to get him off my back and avoid having my own loved ones turn on me.

Why couldnt I just have had a sister? My mom laughed that my socalled brother destroyed my room when I came home from the hospital because he wanted a brother, not a sister. Yet everyone acts like Im the problem because I dont to be around him. He even once almost ran over my feet turning his truck aggressively, just because he was mad he had to pick me up, the same year I had foot surgery in middle school. Weird that now he pressures me to let him drive me everywhere, "because its so dangerous now", OR he offers to sit in the back seat with a blunt tool to use as a weapon in case theres a[nother] threatening male, while I drive!

This selfish moid wont even fix our elderly dads vehicle which could crash and be lethal. Yet for months now, this moid sibling has been modifying his own trucks seats so he can have heated AND cooled asscheeks. He wont even fix the front door lock either like he said he was going to, and laughs about the neglected state of this place.

Hope it comes back on that XY sibling.

Joined a male-dominated field (construction). Worked hard. Fucked it up because my brain's broken and moids have literally zero patience with me compared to other moids. No longer in the field and wasted five years of my life, going from having a higher income than anyone I know to being dirt poor again. Can't transfer any skills I learned to anything or leverage it for any kind of position.

>>121280
Joined a male-dominated field (construction)

how much do you lift

God I fucking hate reddit and I fucking hate how if I want to talk about my niche interest I have to use the stupid website. I posted genuinely interesting and useful information and the retarded mods deleted it for "self-promotion" all because it was a link to a spreadsheet I created. They then are like, "You need prior permission" and when I asked if I could have permission, the mod said they need to clear it with all the other mods. Literal mouth breathers who have no concept of community or use of resources. I was planning on starting a blog anyway so I will most likely post everything on there and tell them to kick rocks. And anyone who cares enough will have to find it on their own. so frustrating.

>>121314
what's even more frustrating is there was genuine interest in my little project and multiple posts in the past with users saying they would like something like what I created. All I ask for is a little discretion, but these tranny jannies just can't help themselves, can they?

>>121314
god I hate reddit sm too. The negative energy flowing on that website is so strong that it can overpower a black hole. I'm a 100% that someone from the govt curates targeted posts towards me. Today I saw 2 posts w "people" in eerily similar situations ( same age and insecurities ) with "people" giving them really shit advice that would make any person borderline suicidal.

>>121316
>>121316
So true nona. I literally use reddit for one subreddit, but I need remember that most users I interact with on there are most likely mentally retarded. I should probably stop using it all together. If I start a blog there probably will be next to no engagement, but at least I won't have to talk to deranged people.

>>121317
Nona use tumblr. It is not as dead as people make it out to be.

>>121319
That's not a horrible idea, but unfortunately I don't think my interest has much of a presence on tumblr.

>>121320
what interest?

I'm dating a guy from a third-world country, when I am from a first-world country. He is everything I want in a bf + husband. He's very limited when it comes to the income he makes. I make 2x his annual income in a month. He also does not have a college degree, making it difficult for him to get a job outside his country or a work visa. He is also not interested in getting one, though he is still young. I don't want to marry someone and feel held back or like he's a liability. I'm so lost. I would like some advice, Nonas.

We've been together for 2 years and he mentions marriage but this one thing makes me hesitate. It's frustrating because I know it is beyond his control. Marrying me would transform his life and that also makes me feel pressure.

>>121324
I assume you are in the US, so if you marry him and he acquires lawful permanent residency in the US (his green card) he may choose to leave you after marriage to be with another woman he prefers more than you. It will break your heart, and I know this happens. Moreover, have you ever met him in person before? How does he carry himself in public? How does he behave when he is present in your company? These are things that are not evident when you send messages to someone on the internet. It really takes meeting someone first to really know their personality. His identity and personality on the internet may not be the same when he is present in reality. With them being far away, you're not able to know these things. So, maybe he is not as he seems. Also, do you want to be with someone who is foreign? They live in an alien land, with a different language, and maybe different religion, and different attitudes, which you might find strange (imagine dating a devout Muslim from Saudi Arabia and all the sexist and patriarchal attitudes in Muslim society that comes with him like a package). You could find a man who is local to you, and I think you could get to know them more clearly than someone over the internet.
How important is love to you? Is his love valuable to you? Would he make your life better? If he doesn't have a college degree, and he marries you, and he acquires lawful permanent residence, and he lives with you, he may not be able to get the best jobs available (it's like that here in the US), so you may be the bigger income in your family. He would be competing with all the other Americans (or otherwise) for minimum wage jobs.
I should also say that the process of immigration into the US can take years even if you two get married. Plus who is going to pay for his travel? It's just much more difficult, is he really worth it?

>>121324
Hes probably using you for his potential gain(s). Lots of men put on a show and seem like a decent guy, when trying to get you to settle with them/when they know its easier for you to leave them, before marriage and kids. Then he flips a switch and turns abusive when he thinks youre trapped with him. There are guys that bum off of wealthy successful women, live at her place for free and do nothing with their lives. Plus, statistically having a man in the house increases a womans chances of being the victim of a violent crime. IMO, dont waste anymore time on him.

>>121308
Defective XY coomer cuck spotted. Go join your fellow 41%.

Feeling quite demotivated and lonely today. I must be ovulating because I am so unbelievably horny as well.

>>121344
happens to the best of us nona

>>121344
Omg are we synced?

I fucking HATE how people in my life act like I'm somehow evil for openly hating the scrote who knew he had STD and despite that still pressured me to have sex with him (which thank god never happened). He had HPV type 31, so the high risk one commonly associated with cervical cancer. Despite that, he wanted to have sex without condoms and even pressured me to give him a blowjob (which I didn't do of course) and when I said I'm not going to risk getting oral cancer from this shit he said "you can't even do that little for me?" and continued to guilttrip me. And when I call him a scum now, people, both men and women, act like I am the bad one for cutting him off and ghosting him. Because ghosting people is LE BAD thing (much worse than wanting to give someone cancerous virus I guess). Like what the fuck? To me it's obvious that any man who has this type of HPV and yet still pressures woman into sex (unprotected at that) is a fucking subhuman and I will die on that hill. I feel truly betrayed by people who claim that my reaction was over the top. Because don't you dare to prioritize your own health above the scrote! I got tested and I don't have HPVs or any other type of STD and I don't want to get this shit, thanks, I don't give a fuck about the fact that "the majority of people have some type of HPV" and "the stigma" is le bad. I am not "the majority"

I don't think I'm capable of fully trusting and depending on someone, anyone at all, and it's proving to be a big problem for my fiancé. That I cannot be fully honest with him out of fears of something bad coming from it, or always have that thought in the background that it could end at any point, that he could make me miserable. I've been abused and neglected by those closest to me - first my mother, then my ex, both highly narcissistic. I suppose it's become ingrained in me that it's simply less painful to always have that teeny tiny bit of doubt in the back of my mind with everyone in case something does end poorly? But fiancé doesn't get it, and gets hurt and offended when I hold back certain things to deal with myself. It's not like I accuse him of doing things to hurt me. Part of me gets more nervous about his insistence I trust him 100% (again, I'm just not sure I'm able to do that at all, with anyone) and part of me sees it from his point of view, of being with someone who - it's nothing so much as having one foot out the door, but, is aware of the door as an option, I guess? And then I feel angry, because I have done SO much to show my trust, pushing beyond my comfort zone, to even be with him at all, and can he not at least be gentle and understanding and see that, and see that I have placed more trust in him than anyone, ever, and cut me some slack with the last little bit that expresses itself in anxious thoughts and withdrawals, not accusations and blame?

>>121410
I don't believe you are in the wrong for having done that, I think you did the right thing. It's obvious to me that he was trying to use you for sex, and he could have crossed the line and raped you. A moment of pleasure isn't worth risking a lifetime infection, especially one linked to cancer. How did you find out he has HPV? Only some strains of HPV are linked to cancer, while others are harmless, and not all strains cause obvious signs such as warts.

>>121413
I just told him to get tested. And when he got tested he said yep it's type 31 but fuck me anyway lmao

Dont know why I remembered this upon waking..

When I was around 4 years old, my older brother used to constantly say things to aggravate and get an angry reaction out of me for his amusement. Id get so angry Id hit him, which I know now isnt right. I was always the quiet girl, so he really must have known how to get under my skin.

Not long ago, he brought this up in front of family, and they all felt sympathy for him, as he has a Nice Guy facade.

My mom said for him to hit me back, which she used to say to him back then.

What kind of mother encourages any male to hit her daughter, even if her son is her favorite?

It bothers me.

>>120462
Why no sex?

Is he repuslive, or are you just past that age where your libido is high?

You should talk about this sort of stuff with him and let him know you dont have a sex drive as high, or if you dont like him physically you can straight up tell him that you'd be more attracted if he lost weight/took better care of himself and he'll change for the better. Only do this if you're good with words though, make sure it doesnt come off as rude!!

>>121315
You could try creating sockpuppets to advertise your site (unless the posts are hand-checked by mods)

I hate reddit so much it is unreal. One time I posted a joke image which was an altered version of an article obviously edited to be satire and it was removed for "misinformation". 4chin jannies are jocks making six figures in comparison

>>120289
I was a leader in a similar position, I quit after 6 months, I just wasnt having fun wrangling impassionate people.

I shouldn't have been born

>>120376
this happened to me and it turns out he found another girl online who lives near him and now they're together so yay. i cope by saying online relationships are fake anyway unless you actually meet the person irl

I was Googling something earlier, ended up on Reddit, and saw a thread with photos of Tomoko Kawase. I was very taken with how well-done all the photos were, the offbeat fashion and makeup of the time, how pretty she looks, etc. Stupidly, I accidentally looked at the sidebar and saw some unfunny psuedo-waifufag bullshit post. It's annoying that the two are even tangentially in the same place. It's like watching a dumptruck unload all over a bouquet of flowers. I don't even dislike the character or anything, just retarded greasy male humor. The fact that a sub called r/hearmeoutbro even exists is annoying faggot shit, too.
I hate that I can feel this near-divine spark of inspiration and awe just looking at some women, listening to their music, or reading their words, and then in 5 seconds, here comes a worthless imprint from an even more worthless moid to remind me that the world actually isn't that beautiful or poetic or anything. It's a lot of dogshit heaped on other dogshit. Not even the internet is safe. In fact, the internet is probably one thing marked the most indelibly with this particular brand of sewage.

I don't know if my period is late or if the spotting I had earlier this month was actually a light period. If it's a missed period I don't know if it's from dieting or being pregnant. I don't know if I want to be pregnant or not. I should just buy a pregnancy test to stop worrying about it.

I was working register today and a homeless person walked behind my counter to steal ciggarettes

>>121705
man i love heavy starry chain
its funny men compulsively do the "x fictional character is good! modern woman bad!" even when said fictional character doesnt even have a favorable opinion on men and simps for her female friend lol

I am incredibly different, I am emotionally unstable, I am unique, I am creative, I am socially fucking retarded. I can't help that, and it causes me pain.
I keep fucking everything up. I try to enter a new community and I'm too fucking autistic to read the room, and the truth of what I should've done only becomes apparent after the fact. No one "hates" me, but they sense I'm off like a fucking alien. Sometimes, I wish I could just fucking disintegrate or hit "undo" for my choices.
I think I accidentally hurt someone I admire, and there's no way to fix it. I'm so fucking stupid.

>>121765
>there's no way to fix it
There is, stop admiring that human for lacking understanding and being too sensitive. Problem solved.

>>121768
You're likely right, it's just hard to accept

Developed a crush on someone to get over my abusive ex and then got a little too attached. Found out he had a gf and now I'm tempted to go back to my ex to get over my crush. What is wrong with me

>>121800
Same. i'm actually gonna go back. Abusive ex beats emotionless partner.

>>121800
just get a new crush but make sure he's single first

>>121809
You are not busy enough

I told my friend I appreciate her and she hasn't sent anything back. I hate that I do this. It's so hard to find friends I actually like, then when I do find them I fuck it up by coming off as too clingy. I suck.

Because of the way I look people assume I’m a liberal. But in reality I fucking hate trannies and all that other nonsense. But I have to pretend I don’t so I’m not “canceled”. every time anyone brings up ultra left shit around me I just wanna explode nonas.

Why did I fuck him he's so lame and now he'll probably act all creepy around me

I wish I knew what is it that makes me so unattractive that not a single moid has ever shown interest in me my entire life, I just wonder what it is.
Hearing friends be so excited talk about any time a guy they like that seems to like them back or give them a hint makes me feel very alienated from them in those moments. To me it feels like it's pretty common that by the time you reach adulthood, even if you haven't had a partner before that at least some guy at one point in your life has shown some sort of interest in you or want to get close to you and I feel like there might be something wrong with me for never having experienced this. I wonder if I'm just too ugly.

I'm legitimately incompatible with life. I have no interest in sex or porn or anything sexual, no interest in working (in fact I've never done so and don't intend to start anytime soon), I don't want to have kids, don't want to even have a partner, I dislike most popular media but also dislike indie stuff, only ever liking random things that pique my interest once every other month. I have no empathy for males and see them all as pigs, but also lack empathy for women even if I call myself a feminist because every time I see posts (be it here or on reddit) about women fucking men even if they aren't into them, or for validation, or for whatever, all I can think about is how fucking pathetic they are. I don't buy into gender ideology either so that makes 80% of people automatically hate me and also I hate them, plus I'm GNC myself and my lack of feminity and not wanting to adopt a label makes people of both sides disgusted.
I don't miss people when they're gone, I rarely if ever reply to my acquaintances because I just don't feel the need, they might as well don't exist despite being kind and expressing they want to talk to me, I don't even have any real friends, many people get angry at me or stop bothering when I voice my opinions (mostly the anti-porn ones, I might as well be a puppy killer with how they react). I have no passions, no hobbies, no hyper fixations, no long term goals or projects, nothing to work towards. I don't read books, I rarely watch movies, never watch series, I'm not even into anime or manga except very few exceptions. Even something as basic as choosing a reaction image is a struggle because I keep thinking "what would someone who actually cares and is into stuff post? What even is my "aesthetic", what am I into? What image of a character laughing best represents me?"

So what's left then? No love, no sex, no hobbies, no friends, no nothing. I barely doomscroll anymore, I just kind of sit or lie in bed and daydream the day away, even if I go outside I just continue daydreaming because I don't know what I'm supposed to be getting out of being outside at all. I don't like eating out, going to museums makes me feel nothing, same whenever I signed up for classes of random things, I'd just go, buy the necessary equipment, do them, and forget I even went there once done.

I'm truly and legitimately incompatible with life, and yes it does frustrate me, yes I know I'm insufferable and there's a reason I'm alone (that reason being me), but despite my biggest efforts to change this throughout these past years (going outside more, signing up for more stuff, writing diaries, even public diaries for others to read, trying to finish college, exercising, losing weight, etc), it's only getting worse. Nothing bad is actually happening in my life, nobody is bullying me, my family is alright even if we hardly see each other, yet I felt this total and complete disconnect from everything that makes one human, so now what? Do I just accept it and continue living like this for 70 more years? Do I get a lobotomy or something? I told all this to my therapist but she insists it's fine, that "not everyone likes everything" yeah but I don't like anything, I don't feel anything, surely this can't be normal, so again, now what? What's funny is that despite all this I do try to be kind, because it's not other's fault that I'm like this, I'm not going to go up to their faces and insult them, I try to help and advise, or soften my words if they're sensitive people, or listen if they want to, or whatever, I've had people cry and tell me how kind I am, that I truly saved them, but that hasn't really helped me much in life either, on the contrary.

>>121866
I'm interested in observing your progress in this. When i was apathetic for about a year, i spend that time improving my economy, fitness, career etc for future me but unlike you, i knew that future me would wake up emotionally and appreciate those things because i used to feel emotion before that period in time.

Chronic apathy is scarier to me than death. I bet you could find a way to use your apathy to your advantage though. Maybe it's "treatable" as well, imagine if you haven't unlocked your special passion yet.

>>121765
You're perfect

>>121866
go to an indie concert

Skype is closing tomorrow. I can't stop feeling sad about forever losing contact with everyone on it.
I blocked and left some guy who groomed me years ago. Never intended to talk to him ever again, but I feel a strange sense of loss about this. I don't know. I wish things were different, and I wish all my contacts remained, I wish I still had all those points of contact, and I wish Skype wasn't shutting down.

>>121858
I cannot rule out ugliness as an important factor, but there are other things at play. I've never had a man show outward interest in me, but I've had two male friends tell me they once liked me (in both cases it was early in our friendship) but didn't make any advances because I seemed too emotionally closed off. Unfortunately, you have to signal your willingness to be approached–this is something female friends have told me but I'm too socially inept to follow through on that. I also didn't realize they liked me until after they had told me, so maybe there's a bit of that in your case too. I get that it feels really alienating to be unable, for whatever reason, to engage in the most basic dynamics of attraction.

>>121874
I'm also somewhat socially inept so I don't think there's any chance I will ever pick up on any cues, let alone give them. But I've never really had friends or a social group, the few girl friends I have are the exception and they came right before finishing highschool so I don't think I've ever had any moids secretly like me. Idk if not ugly I think I'm just too autistic and too much of a tomboy for any man to ever be interested in me. The 'want tomboy gf to play video games with :(' is very much a meme.
I think it's over for me unless one day I start acting and dressing like the average girl on tiktok and cake myself with make up and I hate it because I know I really don't like doing any of those things after trying them out one day.

>find a cute girl on a hookup site that I connect with

>shes not into me in that way-
which is fine.

> She keeps teasing me
this is fine.

>we had a lot of fun hanging out and stuff

>she has a really sad backstory with her being disabled

>she's worried I wont want to talk to her anymore because of it

>I tell her I have autism

>all the sudden she doesn't wanna talk.

cool…. ima just die now.

Guys seriously how do I handle a shit ton of work?? I have ADHD and I am struggling so much… it doesn’t help no one (including myself lowkey lol) thinks it’s really and I just feel like an idiot and a lazy retard. I need help… seriously. I have 15 days to do this shit. about 25 pages total of writing for many different assignments (including part of a 30 page paper), plus an exam that I need to memorize 80+ pages of notes for.

…Genuinely, how do I organize my time? How do I do my work when I feel so burnt out? How do I mitigate stress? I usually just whiteknuckle but I find I don’t care enough to do it here.

>>121898
Ok first, breathe. You’re not an idiot and you’re not lazy. All of nature tries to put in the least amount of work in order to survive and nature is still too complex for us to understand. Obv the human world is different than the natural one, but don’t blame yourself for not conforming to a relatively recent invention. The amount of work may seem insurmountable, but 15 days is plenty of time to do plenty of work.

"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs."
–Henry Ford (ik hes an asshole, it helped me tho)

Good you’re scared. 15 days is a bit too nebulous to really quantify. I would break your time into the number of hours you have and estimate time needed for each task.

I don’t have adhd, yet I use only 60% of the free time I have, even when I’m trying my hardest. I would recommend to take similar considerations. Try getting a time app for studying. I use this korean one (ypt), but any would do. Make sure its only tracking time spent working, and you’ll find your own efficiency ratio.

Do the pages first, why study a week before an exam to forget when you actually get there. Kill the smallest of your writing assignments and work your way to the big one unless there are other factors (earlier due date/group)

Tbh I think you’re burnout is due to the fact that 15 days is a long time and if you did whitelnuckle it would take only 10. But spend the time to get situated and know how much real time you have. I really think you got this nona, the only enemies you have are stress and work. It’s just stress and work. Overcome the stress and do the work, the rest will follow. Good luck nona.

>>121898
Are you on ADHD meds? If not, just go for Adderall or Concerta. That shit does magic to your productivity for the first couple of weeks you take it.

>>121904
thank you. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me. the part about 60% of your time actually made me feel so much better… and breaking it into hours is a good idea. And the app too I will look into…. It’s for tracking time spent working? to organize yourself?

>>121905 yes I am on adderall, thank God. When I wasn’t I just didnt do shit and it was horrible.

>>121906
Yea its basically a glorified stopwatch to track true studytime. I would also set minigoals throughout the day to track progression (I always miss mine by a bit). I’ve begun logging the time it takes to do a certain task such that I can estimate it in the future. Really a waste of time if you’re confident, but to me I need some semblance of control. Sorry for sperging out so much on this, glad I helped a little. You got this!

i feel completely heartbroken. not just emotionally, but physically. my chest actually aches, like my heart is bruised. my stomach feels sick all the time now. i try to eat, but every time i do, i feel like i’m going to cry. food just isn’t going down right. i feel so full of tears instead of hunger. i feel like I’m walking around constantly on the verge of breaking down. i cry randomly. when i try to sleep, i feel like i can’t breathe and i start to panic. it’s like this huge wave of grief is sitting inside me and i don’t know what to do with it. i hate how consuming this is. i hate how someone else’s actions can affect me so deeply. i feel weak and raw, like my body and emotions are just unraveling. i don’t even know what i’m doing right now. i just need to let it all out.

I broke up with my bf a week ago. He was pretty much my ideal type and was really clear about how much he loved me and saw a future with me. The only issue was that he wasn't sure how much he was able to give in a relationship and that caused a lot of communication issues between us. I ended it because I couldn't stand the uncertainty of whether or not he had the capacity to be in a relationship with me. I keep wondering if I made a mistake and maybe if I'd just been more reassuring and patient then things could have been different. I don't think I can take back what I did, nor do I want to. I just wonder if I gave up too early… I wish I could know whether or not I made the right decision. I'm so upset.

tmi but i masturbated for the first time in like 2 years and it felt weird. i guess growing up in a religious household might've made me have a complex about it, but tbh i didn't really care about masturbation itself or it being "shameful". i already grew up pretty sheltered and didn't even know what it was until i was like 16 lmao. i just legit forgot about it and depression probably played a role in me just not having a sex drive at all. but yeah i lowkey disassociated while doing it and didn't feel like myself and even forgot how to do it at first somehow. i felt pathetic and uncomfortable and couldn't really enjoy it. anyway i would be completely fine if i never masturbated again in my life. it's overrated and retarded

I got fired from my job of 5+ years for something that I'm pretty sure violates some sort of discrimination law but I don't really have the resources to take a huge company to court over it. All I can hope is I qualify for unemployment and move on…

>>121926
>I couldn't stand the uncertainty of whether or not he had the capacity to be in a relationship with me
Literally what did he do? This is straight up retarded… Communication issues are normal between any two people.

>>121937
It was my first relationship so I probably was being retarded kek. Basically he would be inconsistent with plans based off of his mood. Like he’d say he missed me and wanted to see me, but then cancel on plans the day of because something I said or did a few days ago would upset him (like asking if we could see each other more) and then he wouldn’t want to see me if he was in a bad mood. I tried to communicate and say that it made me sad when he was distant and the inconsistency made me anxious. After we’d try to talk about it and I felt it was resolved, he’d then come back and say stuff to me like realizing he was more self-centered or selfish than he thought he was and feeling unsure if he could make me happy and I’d have to think about whether I could accept that and that would make me nervous again so it was just this whole cycle.

>>121938
>Like he’d say he missed me and wanted to see me, but then cancel on plans the day of because something I said or did a few days ago would upset him (like asking if we could see each other more) and then he wouldn’t want to see me if he was in a bad mood.
so hed get upset and punish you simply because you asked if you could spend more time together?
yeahhh he doesnt sound like a good long term partner.
its good he has the self-awareness to realize hes selfish and egotistical though. a lot of moids lack that ability. if you realized there might be some objective truth to that statement (as in hes not just talking down on himself because of a distorted self-image), he basically saved you from wasting your time.
youll definitely find someone who wants to spend time with you in person and isnt selfish. keep looking

>>121939
Thanks, I really needed to hear that. Basically he was really great and attentive and then 2.5 months in he said he couldn’t keep up with it anymore. We tried to figure it out together because the first half was so great, but that cycle I was describing kept happening for the next few months until recently and I couldn’t do it anymore. There’s a lot of stuff I could have done better too, in hindsight- I know that for next time. I really hope I can make it work with the next guy and that the next guy will also be a little more willing to make it work with me.

>>121940
np nona.
but thats rather odd? its almost like hes implying he was faking it, or that he wasnt being sincere on some level. it doesnt sound like he knows what he wants and there isnt a cure for that except for him to figure it out on his own. by leaving him youve already demonstrated that you have self-confidence, believe youre better off without him or with another better guy. and that alone will make a lot of men desire you even more (especially if you treated him well), but if he comes back dont take him back. actions over words always.

>>121943
I don’t think he was faking it, but I don’t think he was being realistic with himself. As I got to know him, I learned that he’s a very introverted person with a low social battery. In his words, he really liked me when he met me and felt this push to do as much as he could to make me happy and then eventually he couldn’t keep up with it and felt burnt out because that’s not how he usually acts. I think you’re right that it’s probably something he needs to figure out for himself. Understand how he can be present in a relationship without burning out and be more direct with his next girlfriend about that. I hope I can feel that connection with someone again. I know no one is perfect (including me) and I’m willing to work things out with someone, but I guess that issue was too much for me to handle. I think you have a good read on the situation and so I hope what you say about me being better off is true too.

Physically and mentally tired. I need a week to myself but it's not possible.

My boyfriend let his tranny friend get really close and touchy with me during a hang out, and when questioned later he told me he thought I was okay with it despite him knowing I do not like troons and knowing I am a quiet and private person. He even straight up told me that it was different than if his friends who weren't trannies would have done it. It happened a few months ago and he's apologized for it but I can't get over this because this sort of behavior was exactly what my parents would do when I told them boys were sexually harassing and molesting me in elementary school; just a total brushing off and avoiding it. They never cared about what happened to me and now I'm dating someone who still doesn't care. Nobody ever fucking cares and all my life it just feels like I will never matter and my feelings will never matter and I should just fucking kill myself.

>>121951
Samefag and the worst part is how I can feel myself become bitter and mean when people talk about being sexually harrassed and being upset about it. I just think about how it's not a big deal at all and it's only because nobody ever acted like they cared about me during my vulnerable times. I don't know how to change, I just feel like I'm becoming a "hard", bitter person. I don't like it.

I can only bond with people online. I’m an adult who lives at home and I wish my parents could understand. My online relationship was real to me.

>>121957
just because something happened online doesn’t make it any less valid. some of us never find that level of closeness in our physical lives, so when we finally do. even online. it means something. it’s real. it matters. and no one gets to define that for us, nona. people who dismiss that don’t understand that connection isn’t about physical proximity. it’s about feeling seen, understood and emotionally safe.

I just want one full restful night plsssss. Not sleeping is fucking me up so bad

I REALLY FUCKING HATE MEN. I CANNOT CONTAIN MY HATRED FOR THEM ANYMORE. I WISH THEY WOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THEM AT WORK. I HATE WHEN I HEAR THEIR SHITTY THOUGHTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I HATE WHEN THEY HARASS ME ON THE TRAIN. I JUST WANT THEM ALL TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I HATE THEM SO BAD UGH.

My mom threw gardening stuff down the stairs onto the dirty garage floor. This was her reaction to water getting on the bottom of my manchild siblings box which had his bday gift in it, from weeks ago. I watered plants and they were in a container, which slowly leaked. Its this huge box, still was on the table we do gardening stuff on, because the manchild HAS to take over every space.

Its not the first time mom threw out my gardening stuff. Last year she chucked my catnip plant out the door (the year before, my cats died, this catnip was for our other family cats. It was the hardest thing to plant.) She laughed when she told me about it before we left to my appointment. It was so hard to keep it together without crying.

[This was too long to combine with my previous post into 1 post]

This >>121993
Prompted a MOTHERS DAY EDITION/BOYMOM VENT
Not claiming this stuff is the worst ever, not claiming theyve never done anything good, Im just venting about things here and there.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for saying women deserve men's violence, with her fist out in the air in anger, because to her, [to paraphrase] feminism is mean to men and women are taking masculine jobs from men. Then pretending its ok because Im "not one of them", so Im exempt, yet she would cheer my demise on if she didnt know me.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for her "joke" on Easter Sunday that she and my brother will break down my door, to get the pie that I made for them [kept it in my room due to it needing to cool before refrigerating].

I dont think I can forgive my mom for implying I deserved my older brothers deliberate, constant bathroom harassment [he did this when he was in his 30s], despite another bathroom being available. Mom sometimes shouted threats to take or wreck my possessions if I didnt get out fast enough. I still struggle to completely relieve myself almost everytime.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for inculcating in me a hatred of my own sex that I only just recently, years later, have shed psychologically. I was discouraged from listening to women music artists, feminism stuff was mocked/shamed, and mom referred to just about every woman as a "bitch" even if it was a womans restroom icon. Stupidly I believed her growing up, thought she knew what was best, and went further into that thinking for her approval, but not anymore.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for telling me to stop singing to my now deceased cat, because it made her angry and cringe [going "UGH!", same reaction like how I cant stand eating noises but with more anger], which I stopped doing for years, so my cat missed out on a lot of my singing that she liked.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for discouraging me from overcoming agoraphobia and encouraging NEETdom, to keep me financially and in other ways dependent [kind of my fault for falling for it tho]. One way was she repeatedly told me local stories of women victims of male violence, and victim blaming the women for being out alone.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for discouraging me from joining clubs, practicing martial arts, soccer, and learning guitar/drums, as they were "for boys". And telling me to not be a chef, because then Id get fat.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for the constant slurs against my dads heritage and banning me from learning his first language. As a child, mom freaked out, and furiously banned me from choosing Barbie outfits with the colors of my dads home countrys flag [which I did unknowingly]. I dont think I can forgive my mom for reinforcing in me the idea that everything thats wrong with me, is because of my Dads genetics [true to an extent, to be fair], to the point I always remember her comments when I look in the mirror. I dont think I can forgive my mom for constantly telling me she regrets meeting my Dad, wishing she chose someone of her own "kind" despite both their heritages sharing the same continent, and regrets having a family with him [to be fair he was abusive, but she makes it sound like Im a mistake because I have his genes, as if I shouldve never been born/Im an abomination that doesnt belong to either heritage. Maybe thats true]. Mom favorably compared a classmate of mine who had her shared heritage, against me, and said a put down. She also said insults about another girls facial trait that I also have, a girl who shares my dads heritage.

I dont think I can forgive my mom for laughing about how, when I was born and just came home from the hospital, my "welcome" from my older brother was him destroying my crib/room, because he wanted a brother not a sister. Then she denied she ever said that, when I finally got the emotional courage to ask her about it years later.

I dont think I can forgive my mom and dad for laughing about some of my earliest memories being as an infant on one of their laps/in their arms to give me a first person view of DV, like being grabbed from one parent to the other, or their shouting to each other near my ears, fighting each other with me in their lap, when mom took Dads stuff and ripped it off him/breaking it, and the sinking feeling I got watching that. Or the time we were basically chased out of the house because mom locked dad in a room [kinda funny now as an adult looking back, but traumatizing as a 3? year old].

I dont think I can forgive my mom for making sure my brother got to invite his friends over, and on short notice when she would clean the whole house, but when I finally managed to make any friends, it was "tell them no, the house isnt ready", same for ensuring my brother got to spend time with maternal relatives who I rarely got to see [I later learned that they hate me too, once called my brother and I slurs, so not a total loss].

I dont think I can forgive my mom for telling my brother to hit me back, when I would hit him as a 3-4? year old [yes, I know its wrong now]. This happened after my brothers kept saying/doing things to get me upset for their amusement, day after day after day. Not long ago, mom said the same thing to him again, to hit me, when he brought it up and acted depressed about previous bad memories to her, as if hes the victim. I dont think I can forgive my mom for excusing my brothers creepy abusive behavior with "maybe its because he thinks you dont like him", telling me to not call him a creep ever again with a cold glare in her eyes. And as if that excuse makes it okay, as if my already polite behavior isnt good enough. Not that she ever apologized for any of that, or thinks its wrong.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for the years of constant bathroom harassment, putting his face up to the door crack where it meets the side wall, and shouting stuff like "please [my name] can I get in there!" as if hes a poor wittle victim as an adult man. When there was another bathroom available.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for the terrifying random murderous glares, including during normal conversations. I dont think I can forgive my brother for all the times he randomly visited my room to make fake nice small talk, then stood around doing nothing but staring me down, watching for a tiny hint of annoyance or anger on my face so he can tell mommy on me, when hes a grown [well, manlet] adult. He also watches my facial expressions in reflections like mirrors, glass, or metal objects in other rooms. If he catches me with the wrong micro facial expression, he will then tell mom, who will interrogate and ostracise me about it. He does this staring after telling "jokes", pretending to voice our family furbaby, saying "you shut your mouth" or "youll be sorry", once standing over me while staring for like 5 seconds.

I dont think I can forgive the time my brother said to me, "look [my name]!", and like an idiot I did so without thinking. He then turned his brand new VERY BRIGHT flashlight on, he got for work, and aimed it in my eyes, and just stared at me, watching my facial expressions of discomfort/temporary blindness. He didnt say anything, just stared.

I dont think I can forgive my [then adult] brother for almost deliberately running my feet over when I was still in elementary school, the same year I was healing from surgery in that area. You see, he was mad he had to pick me up from school. This was after I had a really bad day, I was bullied and harassed by other boys at school, so I wanted to get out of there as I already felt unsafe before this [so much for a protective older brother!]. I got in the car to him blasting music loud he knows I hate, and refused to answer why he did that, would not say anything to me.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for taking my 10 year old selfs diary out of my room without my permission, reading it and mocking it to mom, who were both laughing so loud I came downstairs to discover what he did. After being bullied at school that day I cried so much at that point, which he also found hilarious and pointed out the snot to mom, who did not punish him, but joined in going "eeww thats disgusting". This was right before bed too.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for blocking us in with his vehicle numerous times, because hes intimidated that the elderly woman neighbor called him out for not fixing our property [his usual parking spot is near the neighbors entrance], or because he doesnt want tree sap falling on his vehicle. He still wishes cruel things on that neighbor, and another elderly neighbor, to this day, even tho the first one moved away. I dont think I can forgive him for taking the family vehicle many times, including before my appointment, when he knows thats the only time I can go out that week. He has his own truck to use. Once mom and him laughed about it, when he got back 2 hours late [no appointment that time thankfully].

I dont think I can forgive my brother for calling my now dearly departed furbabies, "dyke", "crazy", "bitch", as part of his passive aggressive cowardly way of hating on women, and because he was mad I used the word faggot to describe someone thats not even him.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for constantly sabotaging my music practice at home, and constant discouragement of me taking self defense classes and further education. I dont think I can forgive my brother [and mom] for him whining to my mom that when I wore my schools hoodie at home it made him feel sad, so she banned me from wearing it to spare his feelings. I was guilted for doing better than him academically, and didnt realize how much it/banning my interests stripped me of my identity until more recently. I wish I wasnt so slow lol.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for giving me symptoms of burning metal fever for a totally optional project he works on, with him and mom gaslighting me each time that they cant smell anything so its not that bad. They are finally bothering to open windows when he does it, out of concern for him breathing it in/health reasons.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for not wishing me a happy birthday, ruining my birthday with sabotage and enjoying most of my birthday cake I made, then lying and claiming he did say it later on.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for depriving me of sleep countless nights, by running up/down stairs with shoes on, opening/closing a door near my room [not exaggerating it had to have been hundreds of times per night], random slams, random wall bangs/moving furniture, letting his loud truck idle and stink up the house with exhaust if a windows open, all while doing nothing of value the whole time, no chores. He gets away with it due to moms approval, and takes advantage of my reluctance to stand up to him, due to his anger issues and ability to hold grudges for years over extremely petty things [even his former friends pointed this out].

I dont think I can forgive my brother for promising to install a decent front door lock, but instead prioritized working on a project that will allow him to have heated AND cooled asscheeks. So, his familys safety/a break-in is less concerning than his comfort.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for building a garage for himself, parking near the main door, while mom and I are expected to park away from the entrance despite walking on ice/snow and in rain/wind, plus for safety concerns as there are random men that jump over into the area. This manchilds preferential parking has moms approval.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for deliberately preventing mom and I from working on a catio garden area, every single time we tried. The part he did is crooked and made everything else crooked, and it would take too much time by that point to go back and do it right myself. Even when it was the hottest time of the year, and I worked on it at night on a ladder dripping sweat, he came out, whispering "its embarrassing if neighbors see you doing this at night! Theyll think were nuts". He doesnt like it when others are outside, says mom, and so she always went inside to make him tea on command [she does this everyday when he asks anytime 24/7] when he did this. I kept working in the dark to get it done, but it was complicated and took a lot of time. I dont think I can forgive my brother for promising he will finish the catio garden area and never did, until I ended up completing it the year after my dearly departed furbabies died. So now his fave furbaby enjoys it, and pisses/shits on the food I planted. IDK how but the cat pee scent made its way to his garage, and now neighboring cats made it into a huge litterbox lol.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for standing there countless times, watching me struggle with heavy groceries [not a short walk from the van to the door, stairs with no railing and slippery algae when raining/snow/ice]. For years, mom insisted that my brother "shouldnt have to" lift heavy groceries, as she apparently feels too guilty to have him lift stuff, says that herself and I will do it [to be fair, I shouldnt have overestimated my abilities to lift heavy stuff]. My back has issues now, so now he bothers to help, with praise from mom and subtle resentment toward me for not automatically also thanking him for this simple gesture. Once when he stared, he got mom to interrogate/ostracise me because I slammed the heavy groceries down, and for having an annoyed look on my face due to his staring. He claims my behavior kept him up at night, and he was sad about if I dont like him.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for the extremely and unnecessarily tense atmosphere caused by his dangerous driving with our parents and/or I in the car, because he didnt get to test drive his fave vehicle. Another time he slammed and broke a door our mom made by hand. The sound scared the heck outta me [because he was working on his useless project and his furbaby who is alive unlike mine kept wanting attention/interrupting him]. He likes to say violent things like bashing in a flickering light with a bat, or things of that nature. But apparently Im in the wrong for not liking to be around someone like him, as I keep those moments in the back of my mind when he is nearby, and Im expected to walk on eggshells.

I dont think I can forgive my brother for randomly yet persistently insisting that he drive me places like work or casual outings, and a medical appointment near my private area that I did not want him asking/knowing about. My mom guilted me for gently refusing, because my refusal made him sad, because he thinks I dont like him.

Theres probably more but thats the vent for now lol.

I just info dumped a ton of personal info to a coworker in the middle of the night I hope it doesn't make things weird.

My husband told me to buy a fancy mother's day gift for his mom so I spent a lot of money on a fancy baked goods assortment that will spoil soon and now my husband is too hung over to go visit.

Why did I let them get to me all those years ago, why was I so fucking retarded? Life is so short, and I really let THAT get under my skin? How fucking embarrassing, it's time to put on my big-girl pants and allow myself to fully enjoy what I can. You know exactly who /THEY/ are does it really need to be said at this point?

-A too little too late diagnosed sperg

>>121994
10 years no contact with mommy here, you don't have to forgive her, let that bitch rot. The nicest thing you can do for yourself is to pretend shes dead and mourn her passing. I'm still irreparably fucked up by not having a mother figure my entire life and have been in therapy for fucking years. I know she did it because she is not well, I know she went through probably worse with men in general and has to excuse it or she'll tard out. I don't really care because thats not my fucking problem, I was a goddamn child.

>>121996
how did u go about doing that

while i dislike some of the men's behaviors like them expecting women to be a lesser version of them, most of the horrid shit was done to me by fawning (probably some sort of narc) women.

not even the mean girls stuff but being super nice to me just to use me for some sort of status or for me to provide them validation just to be eventually discarded for a better model.

its kind of weird because i built myself up to be extremely resilient to abuse, negativity, intimidation since this is all i knew, but i kind of never expected for the hurt to come from someone who smiles all the way and never steps on your boundaries, but never actually meant it.

>>122049
Some people mean it, but are just awkward

>>122051
yeah they do. i think even the women in question somewhat "meant it" as well. just in their own way that was extremely different from mine. they were also poorly socialized and traumatized, for sure. yet it doesn't make some of their actions inoffensive because discarding people who supported you because someone cooler came along is actually really fucked up.

also being used for social points might be flattering but its actually really fucking creepy too because it's basically just objectification & my experience shows why.

>>121994
Get out of that hellhole of a house. Don't invest in improving it. Don't invest time in your siblings. Invest everything in yourself and your ability to live away from there. Block contact with them. They've undermined you over and over, creating mental and emotional crutches so you'd stay dependent. The best revenge is to be dependent and to see them as demons that have bothered you for too long, and are just a part of a karma from past life which you had to endure, and now it's time to learn the karmic lesson and move on, so you won't carry it onto your next life. They're dead, they're ghosts. Forget about comfort, forget about feeling sorry for yourself because you place yourself in a victim role, instead be angry and recognize your potential and act in accordance to who you truly are instead of what they're trying to force you to become. Remove all those ceremonies developed for coping - this leaves your with time energy and freedom to pursue the life you want to have. You can do it nona, you can do it all.

My violent autistic 400 pound older brother went out of apartment complex without a shirt and was screaming at the top of his lungs for like 20 minutes with all of our neighbors hearing. We have to constantly deal with him yelling and threatening us at home and I just want out. He isn't severely autistic even but does it when someone pisses him off. I just wish this retarded faggot died. I feel terrible for my mother who has to deal with this all the time and probably will for the rest of her life. Having to deal with this has made me a eugenicist who thinks it's better if all retarded and defective people are aborted

>>121994
But you need to forgive. Not because your mother and brother deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace

>>121996
Still no response, I think I fucked things up with my one work friend by sharing stuff about my life.

>>122061
I hear you sister, my first abortion was weird but it gets easier. no moid will ever tell me what to do with my body.

I'm really into this dude who's like 12 years older than me. I'm legal but he's a little older. I wish we could date without everyone thinking he's a groomer or that im weird.

>>122080
(Assuming you're 19)
If you're very intelligent, very tall or look old then people would be accepting
Bonus points if he looks young and is very attractive.
If you're five feet tall you're screwed
People are shallow, yes. An obese guy is seen as way creepier than a skinny guy for no rational reason whatsoever

But it's fine really as long as you're not on the spectrum or a dumb dumb, then it is indeed very creepy. If your and his parents are ok with it it's all that matters, NPC's opinions don't matter.

Though it's unlikely that you're a good fit for a healthy relationship, needs to be a really good match for an age gap to work out

>>122080
What would you even have in common with a guy 12 years older than you?