[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
Name
Email
Message

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Image
Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)


Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

Screenshot 2025-05…

i am getting more autistic as i age Anonymous 121894

22yo autistic girl diagnosed at 16. up until last year i never thought anything of it. that it was just some stupid label given by the doctors to label me as difficult and stuck up.
but now it seems my autism diagnosis wasn't actually a lie. i never had friends that i could get along with like other kids since i was 5 until now. people talking hurts my ears. i didn't really like any of my peers, they were always too outgoing and bright for me. they always did unsoliticed physical contact that made me so uncomfortable i ended up not leaving the house for the next few days. for some reason i cannot handle theatre audio systems anymore. i have to wear ear plugs just so i can watch movies on a big screen in film quality. everything sounds too sharp, like nails on a chalkboard. i cannot maintain eye contact with my psychiatrist and my therapist while talking. i talk staring at my hands while i fold and unfold the paper with my queue number on it (i bought a fidget cube so i can stare at my hands doing useless shit for as long as i need, paper degrades too easy). making exaggerated facial expressions like other people has gotten impossible. (people have gotten worried because my face is unmoving while i interact with them)
i feel like myself in high school where i hated everyone because i couldnt understand them for being so excited and so loud. now im in college and i can understand them more due to reading more philosophical/psychological topics on the human mind. but no matter how much i fucking "nerd out" i can never be truly human and day by day i feel more and more detached with humanity.

i'm turning into a sociopath. the more i have to make myself acceptable to society the more i feel like i am disappearing. this sucks. what if i really disappear and when i do have a chance to be a mother to a daughter, my rhetorical daughter will hate me for being so emotionally flat/empty/dead inside?

say that my dreams of raising a daughter better than my parents raised me will never come to anything. it'll hurt and i'll cope with that but, there are some days i feel so detached and not myself i have this slight unease if i murder family. i already hate my parents so i feel like they'll be the victims foremost if i do lose myself. but what i'm scared of is being so far gone. i commit murder in catatonia and get assessed in court in a catatonic state. no longer human, no different than an animal.

chat im going insane and i dont think anything can help avoid it.
advice or words of comfort duly needed.

Anonymous 121900

>>121894
the early 20s is when people usually start figuring themselves out, but it takes a while and that process may be longer or harder for someone with autism/social difficulties. there is nothing wrong with being withdrawn or disinterested in popular hobbies/activities. look for things you like doing, appreciate the time spent doing those things, use your time wisely to cultivate your skills.
eventually you'll find like-minded people and form sincere friendships with them, but if you're not interested in that, there's nothing inherently wrong with it either.

if you still live with your parents, try to limit your time around them until you manage to live by yourself. understand people unfortunately will always have certain expectations, but not meeting them doesn't determine your self worth.

focus on what you can do to feel better and build a routine that isn't distressing to you, since you have a lot of sensory issues.
if you truly dream of having a daughter, dont give up on it because of current limitations. but for now you should focus on yourself. once you improve your situation then you can start thinking about that.

being scared of hurting others/going crazy are common fears for people who have gone through abuse. that drives you closer to humanity, not further from it

take care



[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]