/feels/ - Advice & Venting

as much as i dislike men, i'm always desperate for at least an ounce of male validation, and i have no idea how to get over it. literally have been dealing with it since i first formed a crush. it has definitely gotten worse as i got older. i literally envy my own friends when they're receiving male attention that i could have gotten. i literally want the guy they're receiving attention from, even if i don't even know the dude. i swear would never actually do that though. it's really hard to explain myself. it's not like i even want that guy. i guess i only want someone that will give me that same love and attention. it's actually so sick and desperate of me, but it hurts so much. literally ANY guy i meet, i expect affection and attention from them. otherwise, it DEADASS sends me into a state of expression. i understand and have learnt that self love is the key, but actually loving myself is the hardest part. i have tried focusing on my girl friends countless of times to make myself feel better, but as soon as a male steps in the picture.. it's so over for me.