/feels/ - Vent Thread
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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Vent Thread Anonymous 12294

Old thread: >>8291

Last one reaches autosage status.
Vent your heart out, anons.

Anonymous 12298

This boy was really shitty and probably too stupid for me to actually be serious with but I miss the attention. Halp.

Anonymous 12300

>>12298
Tell us more about it

Anonymous 12301

>>12298
There are plenty of other people who can give you better attention. Don't waste time

Anonymous 12302

I fell asleep and forgot to mow the lawn before it got dark

Anonymous 12305

I wish I wasn't so lonely all the time. I hate crying everyday

Anonymous 12306

>>12305
oh no anonette, why do you feel so lonely? isn't there anyone you could hang out with during the toughest hours, even online? you can post here to soothe the pain a little, it works with me. we're here for you!

Anonymous 12307

>>12306
No, I don't have any friends. It's hard for me to make any. Thanks anon for the support.

Anonymous 12308

>>12305
Anon, I know this feel all too well. I'd give you a hug if I could.
Are you engaging in other things to keep you distracted? It'd also help if you're actively seeking others to talk to.

Anonymous 12309

t20180608_91403_05…

Why even bother to get better if life gets shitty again. It's a fucking cicle. I honestly can't take it anymore. I want to die.

Anonymous 12311

>>12308
I tried playing a game. It got worse for me tonight. I feel like I need to be hospitalized

Anonymous 12313

>>12311
i hope you feel better soon

12314

>>12309
Do you think other people's lives don't take turns to shittyness constantly?

Anonymous 12315

rrr.jpg

>>12311
I hope your situation improves, anon-chan,i'm in a similar place so i feel you, we are always here to listen if you wanna talk, and if you ever wanna play some games together, i'll maybe drop an alt email or something, i'm not the best but i can keep you company for a few.
Have you maybe tried joining the crystal discord when it reopens? That helped me feel a less lonely since everyone there is so nice and helpful with everything.

Anonymous 12316

>>12314
and? what kind of advice is that? not everyone born chad to face problems without struggle. if you can't say something meaningful/helpful, don't say anything at all.

Anonymous 12317

>>12316
Even those "born Chad" deal with obstacles and difficulties. I don't think that other anon meant to be so blunt about it. Suffering is a part of life. So is learning to adapt and survive.

>>12309
I don't want to say for sure that things will always get better, but bad times do always pass. Keep at it anon!

Anonymous 12318

>>12317
but still, everyone KNOW that. so why even bother to say something like that? it sounds mean tbh. as i said
>if you can't say something meaningful/helpful, don't say anything at all
and there are people who cannot face problem that easily, people are different. if she has depression you just say "everyone has problems lol"?

Anonymous 12319

Do you think something about the present day is making people be lonely and barely functional? That's not me being cruel, because I feel exactly the same.

>>12314
And between fifty to sixty million people died during the course of the Second World War, but that's not going to perk you up if you just lost a parent.

Anonymous 12320

large (7).jpg

I'm so mentally exhausted, two days ago i self harmed again after not doing it for 3 years, i feel so numbed down, i cannot even pretend to appear happy or friendly.
I honestly don't know if i will be able to move on from this mental breakdown like i did from all the others i have had, it's like my brain has shut down and i'm just a husk, i seriously do not feel anything, not pain, not happiness, nothing, it's like i exhausted all my emotions.
I wish i could tell somebody that i feel this way, but i don't like worrying people, so i just cope with it.

>>12314
Where in that anon's post did she imply she is the only one feeling this way? Relax.
A person can suffer while other bad things happen around the world, it doesn't diminish it's importance.

Anonymous 12321

>>12318
Then why bother saying "not everyone has a perfect life," no one has a perfect conflict-less life.

I agreed that >>12314 was a bit unsympathetic, but maybe they intended it to be "you're not alone, this happens to many people."

I wouldn't say what they said, but simply saying "if you can't be nice don't say anything at all" is really banal.



I guess I'll tack on my own vent: I am so anxious about this upcoming year, I feel like I've only gotten good at doing school, but I've become one of those people who are only good at studying and not "real life" skills. I'm not entirely socially deficient, but the thought of the job search process and anguish terrifies me.

Anonymous 12322

reee.jpg

Facebook blocked my account because i wasn't posting or something stupid and now i can't login for love nikki. They asked for a picture to verify if it was really me but i never ever even posted a picture on my facebook account. I also can't ask questions on that stupid facebook forum because guess what you can only ask questions when you're logged in.

12324

Today a local newspaper made a shitty opinion piece personally insulting something that I personally chose for my life, and all the braindead commenters went in with the worst possible mob mentality. It really bummed me out, I even logged in and commented and received a bit of hate, and over that I neglected my home amd it looks like crap :(

Anonymous 12326

>>12324
>Today a local newspaper made a shitty opinion piece personally insulting something that I personally chose for my life

what do you mean? did the Corpus Christi Caller Times publicly shame you for installing a shag carpet in your bathroom

Anonymous 12331

1533154266896.gif

So. I'm at the emergency waiting room.
My friend is in the acute ward because he drank too much and said he wanted to die. I feel fucking terrible because no one was able to take away the bottle; I could have just walked over to him and taken it away but I didn't. I don't know why we let him have the bottle in the first place. We shouldn't have.
It hurts a lot to see him so depressed and in pain that he told us to murder him and that we don't care about him. And fuck, he mentioned my name twice and it wasn't nice to hear – he said MYNAME doesn't care and that he already got rejected by MYNAME, and thus no one cares about him. I care about him a lot. What I didn't know was how much me rejecting him hurt him (I wasn't into him and I had gotten out of a relationship recently) and fuck, maybe we should stop talking for a bit until things settle down.
Either way, I feel like a terrible and awful human being.. but maybe I really am one.

Anonymous 12332

>>12331
You're not a bad person and what happened is not your fault. It's very difficult to protect someone else from alcohol poisoning if oneself is also drinking. If you were a bad person you would not have called an ambulance or gone to the ED to visit your friend. Emergency departments see such cases countless times and know exactly what to do.

Anonymous 12333

>>12331
that's pretty awful of him pinning the blame on you.
he wants you to feel as shitty as he is feeling. by no means is his depression your fault. no one person can fix someone.

Anonymous 12334

>>12331

You are not awful. Awful people don't help save their friend's life by making sure they get medical attention.

Anonymous 12336

>>12333
>that's pretty awful of him pinning the blame on you.
>he wants you to feel as shitty as he is feeling. by no means is his depression your fault. no one person can fix someone.

I agree, this sort of behavior is often rooted in perverse, selfish motivations. In fact, some men derive gratification through the receipt of sympathy and care from women they are attracted to. It's probably an oedipal neurosis.

Anonymous 12337

1033fa1429dfcb254d…

I just want you to find a girl to love and who will love you just as much as I would have.

No matter how hurt I am now or how sad I will be in the next days – I will never resent going through this with you. I hope I can be by your side for as long as you need me, and I assure you that you won't need me for that long because good things will come your way when you're not expecting anything from life.
I will never show you how sad I actually am right now because of my pride and because this is my only coping mechanism at the moment. If I pretend to be okay it will eventually become true, right?

I've never wanted you to cry, but I'm happy that you cried over me and that you feared to lose me, or that things would change for the worse. I still wish I could hug you, even if as just another friend from a distant place. I guess that will never happen now, most definitely not, but I wish I could because you are the only person I actually want to be comforted by.

I am happy I've made your life better somehow. I hope I can ease your loneliness and your sadness until you don't need me anymore. There is a lot more I want to say, but I can't put my feelings into words right now. I'm just grateful for your existence.

I know it's over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real

Anonymous 12338

>>12294
I've been going through a recent bipolar spell and it's fucking killing me. It feels like all the friends I had have all started drifting away and have found their place in the world where as I'm still stumbling through life as a mentally ill weirdo. The medication sucks ass and I honestly feel like it might be worse? I dunno man I feel like I need out of this shit.

Give me two weeks and I'll be on a high again.

Anonymous 12339

>>12311
:/ I'm sorry anon. Just hang in there. Hopefully this loneliness is just a phase that will pass. Maybe you should consider getting a pet if you're willing to take the responsibility. There's nothing like that pure, unconditional love they give you. Something I truly miss. Hope this doesn't come across as shilling. Some people have different views on pets and maybe you're the type who wouldn't want to own one.

Anonymous 12341

I wish I could be hugged and told everything will be okay and that I'm safe and that it will all work out in the end. This is just too much for me. This isn't fair, none of this is.

12342

5de44993cb0135d93d…

>>12341
I'll hug you. <3
And in fact, everything will be ok. Everything will go down its path and time will continue. The pressure on your shoulders will turn out to not be as urgent after all. Most of the worries you might have now will turn out to not be as important. (Or maybe justified, but the bad things resulting from them are part of the grand scheme of things as well.)

The only consideration left to deal with is how you react to all of that. Yes, there will be suffering. It's unavoidable. You should view it as your duty, yet continue your path along time and take care to make the best decision at any point.>>12341

Anonymous 12343

It's weird how struggling to leave the house can creep up on you, huh…

12352

I want to promote my shitty blog and always suck up to some publishers and events, and Everytime I think "this is the breakthrough!", and then I get a measly two followers. I feel like a MLM victim.

Anonymous 12353

Just a random, not-so-deep vent. I am so /stressed/ waiting for all my crap for my costume to show up in the mail because I'm a total idiot who leaves everything last minute. Watch it all show up a week /after/ the convention. And it's all my fault for procrastinating. ugh. I just have such a fear of spending money these days because I'm so broke and I know I don't have anyone to help me with important things so I just become paralyzed with anxiety over spending any kind of money.

>>12343
Also this. I feel this with you, anon. I've barely left the house all summer. Not good times. Even going to the grocery store becomes overwhelming.

Anonymous 12354

My eyes hurt.

Anonymous 12357

Long rant coming, sorry.
My husband had a terrible childhood: parents were both serial cheaters; his mother had cancer, then heart attacks, and was an addict; his father went to prison for drug dealing; lived in shocking poverty as a kid and teen; and a lot more.
I grew up in upper-middle-class suburban bliss.
About a month ago I was talking about something from my youth and he said,
“Wow. Your parents treated you far worse than mine ever did.”
I was offended! His dad is a felon, his mom died of an overdose, he used to pick through dumpsters for enough scrap to sell to eat! I went to an elite private school, had music tutors, went to Disney every year, traveled Europe every other Summer!
But the more I think about it….
His druggie parents did treat him better than mine did. His had problems but love him.
My parents? I am a burden, a joke, a seal that has to perform on demand. There was a joke on MST3K that reminded me of how I grew up,
“Feelings are for ethnic people”.
If I wasn’t happy and cheerful, I was wrong. If my parents upset me, I was ungrateful and bad. My parents were focused on looking happy, looking successful, looking rich and I was an accessory. And I had to play my part.
All of my high school friends envied me,
“Your parents are so cool, I wish they were mine.”
And I was the same: trained to be happy in my shackles.
Here’s the incident that now chills me.
I was 12. It was Summer. Mom asked me to go to the store with her. We stopped for lunch. In the crowded restaurant she told me she had cancer.
She even said she told me there so I wouldn’t ‘make a scene’ and get ‘overwrought’ and ‘embarrass her’.
How do I deal with the realization that my parents were like that?

Anonymous 12361

>>12357 your family sound similar to mine, I’m sorry anon. The only thing we can do is not be like that when we have our own families, you know? <3

I think with upbringings and stuff (regarding your bf and the differences) there’s no “worse” situation here. They’re both bad. Parenting is hard but most people fuck it up because their own needs eclipse the need of their offspring. True, proper parenting is selfless and there’s a need for it nowadays.

I hope venting helped you a bit anyway. Sending hugs!

Anonymous 12363

>>12342
Thank you, anon-chan.

Anonymous 12369

>>12357
What the other anon already said - it's more of an example of what kind of parent NOT to be for your child. You can now blame them all you want but that won't change the things that have already happened and when it happened you had no idea of the reasons at that time etc.

Anonymous 12370

>>12357
many people forget that its actually easy to spend money, even people who don't have money spend money. but that doesn't make you a good parent, I know where you are coming from, don't worry anon

Anonymous 12387

i bought this 9 inch pizza out of curiosity and it's gross as fuck
i want my money back

Anonymous 12388

>>12331
>he said MYNAME doesn't care and that he already got rejected by MYNAME

Oh fuck him. I'm sorry but fuck that. The world is over because he couldn't get pussy. Fuck him again.

Anonymous 12389

>>12388
Fuck him not in the literal sense, but figurative. I should've clarified. It's a piece of shit loser thing to do to pin his sexual frustrations on you and then try to an hero

Anonymous 12390

>>12357
Wtf Anon! My mom also took me outside, to McDonald's, to tell me my grandma died. She wasn't as upfront with her intentions, though, because she's a schemin deceptive person.

I swear every time I realize a new thing about my parents, it saddens me more, but I'm long numb already and they wonder why I'm so cold towards them and don't want to see them.

I think mine lied to me about some miscarried siblings. It's possible, yes, but she explicitly mentioned a condition and told me to look it up, and I did extensively later and found nothing.

At least yours are sincere, huh? :(

A possible remedy is visiting other, nice families. Bonus points: if a person already has a family but also has had nice parents.

Families tend to get people neurotic when they have more children (…and their life together). My go-to source of hopr is a lady with 5 kids who is the oldest of 10 siblings and sometimes tells about with what gentleness her parents have taught them to do the right things.

It's literally medicine before the soul to listen to and watch them.

Anonymous 12391

the only family member I could love is gone from me and now they don't want me. They picked am emotionally abusive boyfriend over me.

I have never had any friends.

People only want me if they're in a relationship with me. I hate it. My only friends were my first boyfriend who lasted for all of high school until I broke it off, and now I'm with a guy that I've been with for 3+ years. I've never loved either of them in a romantic way. I don't think I'm capable of that kind of love either at all, or at least with men. I feel trapped. Both of my boyfriends feel loved by me because I know how to make them feel valued and cared for. To an extent, I do. But it's not in a lovey-dovey way, though it looks like that. I hate it. I wish I could just have a girl friend.

What's even worse is guys often approach me in real life or want me to date them. I hate that. I fucked up by repeating my mistake from high school.

I deserve to die. I have no skills. No intrinsic worth.

Anonymous 12392

I really wish I had friends I'm comfortable to be around sometimes. Or at least have a big social circle. Some days such as today are really lonely.
I used to be assertive if my friends were disrespectful or passive agressive to me and then cut off contact if it kept going.
I don't know if it's worth it anymore.
On the other hand, I'm tired of spending the money I barely have on seeing friends that don't want to hang out with me. It's okay if they don't, I just get really disappointed when instead of them telling me they want to leave they make the dumbest excuses.
Perhaps if I had a big social circle I'd find out what I'm doing wrong.

Anonymous 12393

>>12392
>>12391
Maybe join a club of some sorts? One that meets regularly and you can contribute something to?

Anonymous 12394

>>12393
Thanks for the suggestion! I would love that and I've been actually searching for free activity groups I could attend, bad thing is that in a few days I'll have no time again and wouldn't have time to dedicate myself to that activity.
I play a boardgame already at a game store but all the people I meet there are men. I'm totally being picky but I really crave some genuine female company, and it also seems they're not very interested in casual friendship (some of them tried to flirt with me and it made me feel really awkward to the point I stopped going for a few weeks now).
I hope I can save some money and be able to go to the gym / a dance class / any group event that improves my life, at least socially

Anonymous 12395

>>12394
Meh :( I found my closest friend when I was buying a really specific thing from our equivalent of Craigslist and upon collecting it found that she was nice, and exchanged numbers and met up.

Maybe you can attend local flea markets (is this a thing where you live?) and start chatting up people.

Anonymous 12398

gandt.jpg

> plan graduation celebration at my favorite bar
> invite all same-age co-worker friends…just moved and they're who I know so far
> group text inviting/planning, everyone basically says they won't be drinking or "I'll probably just have one drink :))) "
> wanted to get fucking trashed and blow off steam from all my schoolwork stress
> feel like an ashamed alcoholic, and sort of pissed that no one will be irresponsible with me

:(

Anonymous 12399

>>12398
Buy a bottle to drink after the bar by yourself, woman! Watch movies, youtube, whatever you want (dont go to fb tho, bad idea when drunk )

Anonymous 12405

eeverything sucks
i

Anonymous 12411

I hate myself so much I'm socially retarded and just so fucking dumb. I wish i could work at home were no one is watching when i make mistakes. Everytime i make a mistake in public i just die. And now i just feel so sad again, i don't want to work. I don't want to do anything i just want to sleep and do things i like without being judged.

Anonymous 12414

>>12411
Me too, anon. I even dream about embarrassing myself at work in front of people, it's a special kind of torture.

Anonymous 12416

>>12414
>>12411
In the same boat here, went into a downward spiral because I made a few mistakes at my new job yesterday

Anonymous 12420

kathigh.gif

I'm really bad at expressing my feelings, wants, or needs. My friends say I'm good with words but I don't know if that matters. When it's about what I feel I don't know what to say or how to say it. My family would always talk about how quiet and modest I was as a child, contrary to children who'd scream about things they want.

I was a really shy child and I didn't want to bother anyone with anything, so I never talked about what I want. How am I supposed to express myself, CC? Does it matter if I do?
When I was younger my mother would complain that I'd never ask her to buy me things. If there was anything wrong I'd always ignore it, even though my mom would always say I must speak if something hurts, never wait and think "it'll go away."

Even now, I'm reconsidering and thinking whether I really should post this or not, I mean, is it really a problem? I don't know, but it seems abnormal, so I've come to ask you.

I don't want to ask my friends. Whenever I try to talk to them about myself nothing changes and it feels like a pointless endeavor.

Anonymous 12421

400.jpg

the one time I had an intimate relationship with someone I immediately ruined everything due to being a paranoid, neurotic, insecure spaz

I think I may just be emotionally defective and doomed to either be alone or an awful partner/spouse to some unfortunate soul

Anonymous 12431

>>12420
I had sort of a similar upbringing.
My sister was always asking for expensive things or getting into fights with our parents so I grew up with my mom venting to me about that and as a consequence never wanted to be a 'troublemaker'. So I would never ask my parents for anything I wanted or complain when I was going through something difficult, because I didn't want to add to their stress. Plus most of the things that I did want were sort of considered to be dumb or unnecessary, i.e. going to conventions or buying a video game, even though they would have been less expensive than the things that my sister asked for ($400 worth of camping gear, $150 pair of jeans, etc.)
for a long time it really fucked with my self-esteem and even now I'm having to go through therapy to learn how to ask for what I need or want without feeling immensely guilty over it. It really does detract from your quality of life, and in my case it's led to me putting up with problems that I should have never allowed to get off the ground in the first place. Since you've at least recognized the problem exists (and it is a problem, it clearly bothers you) then I hope you can also take some steps to get help and figure out how to deal with it in the future.

the good news is that, at least in my situation, when I learned how to talk to my parents about what I've been through without their support and what problems I've been struggling with since, they've been supportive. In a way I think that my mom suffers from an immense amount of guilt because she just assumed that when I said things were 'fine', she never tried to probe further or figured out that I was lying in order to save her the pain and concern of learning what was actually going on in my life. I would have to say that my relationship with them this past year has gotten better than it ever was before in my life because I finally feel like I can be honest and rely on them for help when I need it.

Anonymous 12433

1535500071714.jpg

>>12431
I feel like if I tell my friends about things I want they'll say I'm whiny or I complain too much or I want too much. They rarely talk about their own issues. But next time I want to say something I'll ignore this feeling.

Anonymous 12434

D027C676-8CD7-4A4E…

>go to gas pump
>put the clip on the nozzle so i dont have to hold the handle down the whole time
>forget to take clip off before pulling nozzle out
>gasoline starts spraying everywhere, onto the ground, my car, my leg
>”fuck fuck fuck please no one look”
>turn the nozzle off and start walking into the station to tell the workers the mess I made
>before I make it there, slip and fall onto gas puddle and cut my feet, now i have cuts and my legs are drenched in gasoline
>on the verge of tears, there are other people here
>tell the workers and desperately try to clean myself off in the bathroom
>leave

I hate being in public. This is going to give me cringe attacks for months. I know someone probably saw. End me

Anonymous 12435

>>12434
i'm sorry anon, i hope your cuts aren't very bad. i think a lot of people who could have seen you would just be worried to see if they could help or if you're okay. and remember that no matter how bad you think you embarrassed yourself, it's out of the mind of whoever saw it incredibly fast almost always. sometimes they don't even care, sometimes they remember it for an hour, sometimes a day, even if for some weird reason they remember it forever and sit there and laugh about it in their head every month (that would be weird, how often do you do that?) it can't hurt you, it doesn't detract anything from you, it's not worth cringing over.

Anonymous 12439

>>12435
thanks i love you

Anonymous 12440

>>12439
u too

Anonymous 12441

1516206267331.jpg

I've felt quite apathetic past few years.

Maybe I'm just feeling lazy, but I don't feel like doing anything at all. I just don't have anything I enjoy. I liked to draw when I was younger, but I dropped it last year.
I can't be bothered to play games. I feel bored when I talk to my friends. I have books to read and things to learn but I lose interest after reading a sentence. I don't even enjoy food or eating, though I indulge in sweets. All I want to do is sleep but I don't feel sad or depressed. At some point I was happy or interested in things, I must have been, but since my memory is terrible I don't remember when I started to feel like this. I have a comedy show I "enjoy" but I can't sit through even that. (it's usually ~80mins long) I never want to do anything and all I feel is "indifferent."

I do feel things when I listen to music, though. And I really enjoy sleeping. This is really boring me.

Anonymous 12457

I'm fucking hungry and all I have to eat for the next six days are hot dogs and ramen if I don't want to go over budget.
I've already been eating those for the last three days and I'm sick of them.

Anonymous 12458

>>12457

I feel you… I'm running on ramen, oats, water and coffee from work until Thursday. Stay strong.

Anonymous 12460

I refuse to watch those stupid "cat hater meets/adopts cats" videos. You hated an animal that causes less harm to humans than dogs, you're a real idiot who doesn't deserve to get validiation because you just realized cats are lovely creatures.

Anonymous 12461

>>12460
wild cats spread disease just as easily as dogs. they're also a resevoir for parasitic alveolates. perhaps they don't often maul humans the way dogs can, but they can decimate local wildlife in areas where they are invasive like New Zealand

Anonymous 12469

I cry at school, I cry at work, I cry at home, I have no interests, I don't have any friends, my relationships with my family are shit, I self-harm and am suicidal, and it's so hard seeing people here also be depressed because it makes me feel weird when I'm in real life because everyone, even girls my age, seem happy and cheery.

Anonymous 12471

I hate how I never get along with my roommate basically each year I've been at uni, and I do nothing wrong. Usually when I complain about something it's for a legit reason, but I always overhear my roommate talking about me on the phone with her bf, saying she avoids me and doesn't go into the bathroom when I'm in there (we share that space). Like, bitch, I did nothing to you and I am the cleanest, quietest roommate ever. It just bothers me because I know she dislikes me for no reason, when I have plenty of reasons to report her for being loud and disrupting my sleep but choose not to be confrontational. I always hoped that I could have at least a nice relationship with my roommates, but they have always ended up thinking I'm weird and disliking me for no reason other than being quiet and shy, I guess? I don't expect for everyone to like me or be friends, but it makes me feel bad because I already tend to be paranoid that no one likes me. lol

Anonymous 12475

My ex is still with the girl he left me for and it makes me want to die. I miss him so badly, and he betrayed me so badly. I don't feel like I'll ever be good enough for someone to truly love me.

I'm trying to change my lifestyle to fit my actual beliefs and fuck it's hard. I'm way more of a hippie liberal tree hugger than I lead on but I've been self loathing for years and never really care about how I lived, just that I survived. Eating only fast food and ramen and using retail therapy always made me feel better at first but worse in the long run. I'm trying to be less consumerist and eat better/more sustainably but it's so fucking hard.

Anonymous 12478

>>12469
are you getting any treatment?

Anonymous 12479

>>12478
I'm starting therapy but it's very daunting because I hate having to rehash my entire life. I don't know how it can possibly help.

Anonymous 12480

I'm still trying to get over the piece of shit who made me fall in love with him over the internet. I feel stronger now, but the recent relapse I had was really hard. Fortunately, though, venting to a couple of friends who knew (and dislike) him too made me feel a lot better the next day and until now I've retained that mood.

This affair really fucked me up. I was a complete fool. Of course every bad experience is still experience and you can learn something from it. But if I could forget ONE thing in my entire life forever, it would be the feelings I had (and still have) for him. Or meeting him entirely and everything that happened afterwards. I swear not even my first relationship was as bad as this. At least I knew my boyfriend wasn't cheating or using me; he really loved me as much as I loved him, even if we didn't respect each other. But this guy… he did respect me to some extent, that I thought to be full and unconditional (but turned out that it wasn't), whereas I gave him all my love and respect. I thought it was mutual. He wanted to fuck me, but then kept crossing the "sexual shit only" line and even made me believe we could get married and have children. He was supposed to break up with his manipulative, cheating bitch of a girlfriend. I discovered a few posts where he was anonymously asking for relationship advice (how funny, supposedly he didn't like to talk about his private life to others and that's exactly why neither his mother nor his IRL friends knew about her!) and I wasn't the only one who told him to break up. He was in a codependent relationship (not sure if their STD incident has changed the nature of the relationship, though) and too much of a pussy to leave his girlfriend, so the day he told me he was finally going to do it, he ended up giving the slut another chance, and that's where everything went to shit, since, due to the STD thing, she ended up actually making progress and changing her shitty attitude. Thanks to those posts I found recently, I realized it's not just the fact that I wasn't good enough for him to choose me over her, but also the fact that he was too unhealthily attached to her, that made him leave me, and luckily counters the former as it makes me feel better that he really wasn't good enough for me.

I wish I could destroy his reputation with this drama. That'd make me very happy, but it would also make me a bad person. And… a tiny part of me still wishes to be with him even after all that's happened and even though he probably hates me and thinks as lowly of me as much as I do him.

These thoughts are all so disorganized. There's a lot more I'd like to say about it, but I'm really not feeling like it and it's best to leave it that way for now. It's better to think about it as little as possible.

Anonymous 12482

>>12480
You two sound like pieces of shit who deserved each other. I have no idea what his girlfriend did for you to hate her so much, but he still chose her over you, you just sound bitter asf.

Anonymous 12483

>>12482
I don't know his girlfriend, actually. She didn't do anything to me.

I became attracted to him and confessed without knowing he was in a relationship, so he told me. But that same night he led me on and wouldn't stop flirting with me even though I asked him repeatedly if he was sure about it. I kept asking him that for days and also asked him not to flirt or say things he didn't really feel, but he kept doing it. I guess the reason I hate her is because he always talked about the things he did with her while we were having our affair. Even after I calmly and honestly told him how it made me feel to listen to those things, he kept doing it. I also hated her before that because she made him suffer and abused him emotionally (according to him). I don't know what I said to come off as a piece of shit like him, since I gave him all my patience, love, tolerance and trust, and he abused it and took advantage of me. I respected him until he just regretted everything, and even after that I tried to not let my feelings drive me mad, until I discovered those posts, where it was clear that I was just seen by him as a replacement for his girlfriend, and that he talked about her in a fetishistic way.

As I said, I was a fool. Of course it's my fault for being such an idiot and falling into his trap, letting myself be used like that (because he was clearly mad that she had cheated on him and treated him badly, and he was also horny so he used me just to feel better. And in the end he had the nerve to say "it doesn't matter who used whom".).
I might also still be somewhat bitter because he didn't choose me (because as I said, there's still a bit of naivete in me that hasn't given up the idea of pursuing a relationship with him, which I'm trying to kill now), but the fact that he's too weak to leave someone who hurts him mercilessly and that his relationship was so dangerous (which I realized just recently) is a huge reason to stop wanting him.

I'm sorry for the huge rant, if I did something wrong, besides what I mentioned, please tell me why you consider me a piece of shit.

Anonymous 12484

>>12480
>At least I knew my boyfriend wasn't cheating or using me
Wrong. He didn't cheat on you, you're the sidebitch. You knew he had a gf he's cheating on (with you) and still did it AND apperantly still don't find anything wrong with that. You're just as bad as him, yet think you deserve sympathy somehow.

>manipulative, cheating bitch of a girlfriend

That's what he said. She's probably just some poor sweet girl whose bf cheated on her with some dumb hoe.

Anonymous 12485

I wish my parents weren’t as mentally ill as I am. Or I had some friends, or the ability to make friends, or the will to attempt to make friends.

Or the bottle to kms.

Anonymous 12489

>>12483
>I'm sorry for the huge rant, if I did something wrong, besides what I mentioned, please tell me why you consider me a piece of shit.

You got with a man who was in relationship with someone else, you knew that and even then said a bunch of shitty things about her in your first post. You're shitty.

Anonymous 12494

I don't feel like studying. I want to waste my time – but I also want to study. It's such an uncomfortable feeling.
Nothing feels "real". I feel grey. This is a cloying, sickening thing sliding over me.
Also the tinnitus is bad today. It shouldn't be since it's so mild compared to what other people experience but fuck. It's bad today.
I'm tired.

Anonymous 12495

>>12484
When I said "my boyfriend didn't cheat on me" I was talking about my first boyfriend I had 5 years ago. What I meant was, "that relationship, although horrible and painful, wasn't as bad as this one."
>his side bitch
Yes, did you seriously think I wasn't aware of that the whole time? Please don't tell me things I already know.

>>12489
Yeah, I know what I did, and I don't care about it, honestly (although I didn't want to do it at first once he told me he had a girlfriend already with whom he was probably going to break up, but he didn't care and made me feel as if I could have a chance with him, and even after that I was hesitant but he kept assuring me it was okay). If that makes me shitty according to you, then I guess we'll have to leave it at that, not like I want or need to change your mind about me, a random stranger. I don't need to apologize to you. Once again, I know this pain I'm experiencing is partly my fault. But my feelings were sincere and even though he pretended to be a good person who was giving me back the respect and trust I was giving him (until the very end), it wasn't true. He definitely manipulated me and you can't deny that. Did I let myself be used? Yeah, that's one of the things I did wrong, and I think we both were very open about us using each other at first. But I didn't know I was also being manipulated beyond that, you know what I mean?
By the way, I don't hate her nearly as much as I hate him, not do I want or have a reason to (my hate towards her will eventually go away when my lingering feelings die out, if that's what makes you). Once I realized exactly how much of a piece of shit he was, I began to actually feel sorry for her because (*if what he said about her is true*) he's probably not innocent either and has actually harmed her too.

Whatever. This thread is for venting, isn't it? All in all this is a complicated matter and strangers are prone to judge based on their knee-jerk reactions, which results in hate circlejerks and dogpiling. I don't think that's fair. I want to remain calm, rational and civil.

Anonymous 12497

I feel sad about inability to fix bad things I see in world. That thread makes me sad.

Anonymous 12499

aHVHsAFSYqfs.png

I fucking hate protein farts.

Anonymous 12500

>>12499
Drink water anon and just fart

Anonymous 12501

>>12495
>partly my fault
lol no, why would you think getting involved with a guy that has a girlfriend is a good idea? he would cheat on you too

Anonymous 12506

>>12495
People will tell you what you deserve to hear. Just because you're in a vent thread it doesn't mean you won't get any posts calling you out. It looks like you wanted sympathy.

Anonymous 12516

the past 6 months has been the first period in many, many years where when i'm online i don't always have an online friend to talk to or somewhere to chat, which sucks. i know it's for the best because i used it as a substitute for real socialization for.. half my life at this point, but i'm still not getting any good real socialization so it just sucks.

Anonymous 12538

Told my friends/classmates I'm not gonna sit in the kitchen/dining area of our dorm with them coz I'm gonna write up notes and stuff.

Currently sat on my bed eating fudge listening to lofi mixes and daydreaming. Not a vent just wanted people to know my secret x

Anonymous 12539

My daughter cut her own hair, I just finished salvaging it into a nice fringe,turn around and she cut it again. Now she looks like a broom. >:[

Anonymous 12540

>>12539
That's so funny

Anonymous 12546

IMG_20180901_21151…

>tfw feel even worse after a therapy session

Anonymous 12551

>sent my friends messages recently
>now playing the eternal waiting game
Low expectations are the only thing that's keeping me from mass-deleting everyone and ditching all my social accounts. Not saying that my "friends" are shit. They aren't. I'm self-aware enough to know I have most of the blame. This is to be expected yet still I'm bitter.

Anonymous 12558

Want to break up with my boyfriend bc red flags but he's riddled with depression and anxiety and thinks I'm (the only good thing in his life' right now. Feeling trapped and my own anxiety is telling me the only way to get out of it is to kms. Mental illness is absolutely the worst ugghhh

Anonymous 12565

today has been so shitty, anons.
Yesterday I saw a dog next to a staircase, he caught my eye because he looked so majestic with his long golden fur and calm look. He was sitting straight with his kind eyes fixated on me and I even said "look mom, that dog is so beautiful". I've been struggling, feeling stuck in a pit and not being able to experience anything positive or pleasant. Sleeping is hard without pills, waking up is a chore, eating is a chore. But that morning I had the comforting thought that at least there are still some things that I can appreciate, after all.
This morning, right after dragging myself out of the house, my mom pointed out that there was an agonizing dog at the side of the road, probably recently hit by a car. I looked at it and quickly looked away. She found it very important to tell me that it was the dog from yesterday, and that he was bleeding from his head and probably dying in pain. She talked about it the whole time until I arrived at the site of my lecture. Blew up on me when I asked her to please stop. For the rest of the day I couldn't concentrate, there was this heavy feeling creeping into my chest and everything seemed dark and everyone horrible. Then I envied that dog. When I came back, she kindly informed me that there was still blood on the road, and later when she saw a woman crying, she thought out loud "maybe that's the owner". I don’t know why she does this but I am already used to her bringing every terrible thing that happens around to my attention. I thought I was reaching that stable-crappy but tolerable kind of mood but was thrown into the depths again by this event. Every little thing that happens is enough to shatter me. It was not like this before and it elicits feelings of helplessness and embarrassment for being so weak. I'm tired of being shouted at. I'm tired of not being able to hold all my pieces together. Just a mess.

Anonymous 12567

>>12565
Shortly after posting this I heard police sirens outside my window and my mom ran out the door. She's taking care of some baby cats on the street but we live in a shitty neighbourhood and people are always threatening her and the cats. Someone tried to burn them, the whole piece of land right next to our house was burning. It is the second time this happens. The cats are okay though.
I want out of this place. I'm sorry for the excessively negative posts but this is the only place to vent.

Anonymous 12568

>>12565
>>12567
don't worry, everyone has a shitty time once in a while. it will pass, and meanwhile you can be as negative here as you need.

Anonymous 12570

me.jpg

I wish people around me understood that i'm not a "talk/hang out everyday" kind of person since social situations exhaust me, but i cannot be rude and just cut them off and if i told them that i'm not sure they would understand i require some space because after all it's "weird".
I'm drained of energy but keep pushing on for them and i feel like i am reaching my breaking point.

Anonymous 12571

animal-crossing-sa…

Spent the whole day crying at school because I miss my ex and I'm super depressed, come home and find out about new AC and get super excited and feel happy, Dad is now walking around the house screaming about something. Probably about how much he hates my mom and I

Anonymous 12572

>>12571
It was, he's mad about all the money he spends on me. Says I'm ungrateful. All cause I haven't gotten a recommendation letter I need yet.

Anonymous 12573

I’d been in an insane depression for years up until summer 2018. I’m in my junior year at this uni, and I’ve been here the first two years too- but I isolated myself completely the first two years, and when I did leave my dorm to get to class I had a good up and bangs that covered my eyes. I didn’t want anyone to remember me when I’d finallt be happy- and it worked.
There was this girl who helped kickstart me into bettering myself. I only knew her for a few months, but I latched onto her because I felt like she was the only thing anchoring me to reality. She was the only one I confided in- the only one that knew I existed. I literally owe her my life. I wouldn’t be here without her- I have no doubt that I would have killed myself. I don’t have any romantic feelings for her at all, btw. She’s just a friend I owe everything to.
I ghosted her before things went particularly downhill in winter 2017-2018. It wasn’t personal- I did it with everyone in a fit of panic. When I finally got a grasp on everything and became happy again, I reached out to everyone again, including her. Things were all good and we agreed to meet up, but I accidentally stood her up twice bc of misunderstandings in meeting times and stuff. She stopped replying completely and I felt too shitty to say anything else.
Anyways, I started my “first“ new semester this year and made a decent amount of friends so far. Somehow while talking to one of these friends, that girl came up- the friend I was talking to said how she had a crush on her and that they had been (sorta, in her words) dating? I was really happy for her and encouraged my friend wholeheartedly, but there’s a part of me that’s dying because I don’t feel like I can properly be friends with that one girl again after fucking up with her (I was kinda shitty during that winter too). I really wish I hadn’t known her during the worst time of my life. I really wish I could start over with her from scratch, so she would only know me as the real happy me and not the shitty depressive thing that lashed out at everyone before. I wish we could be friends- not again, but for the first time.

Anonymous 12574

>>12573
I forgot to mention this clearly but I tell everyone that I’m new this year and transferred from another uni. Not a single person has recognized me, but I haven’t run into her again yet.

Anonymous 12575

7c3d12e79474eeef14…

>>12571
>>12572
By recommendation letter you mean an approval for a university?
Look, I know this sounds generic af but I think I know exactly how you feel right now.
In 2014 I was trying to be approved to a prestigious university where I live I failed the test because I underestimated it (I used to study in a pretty good school) my parents got really mad and basically I spent 2015 entirely at home studying to retry the test (again I screwed up and wasted my time watching stuff on the internet and reading manga) I ended up almost getting approved but the most frustrating thing is that it was really close… then 2016 comes and the same thing happens
They got REALLY mad and threatened of making me leave home. Then I joined a simpler yet decent college and they eventually relaxed a bit and don't really bother me much anymore.
Eventually things get better.

Anonymous 12584

Depression is hitting hard. I'm physically sick and hate everything.

Anonymous 12588

It's only been two weeks and I already want to kill those little bastards.
All day long I feel like I'm gonna cry or lose my shit, knock the table over and hit one of them. And I work in a rich, quiet, catholic school, they are way far from being the worst kids.
God why did I become a teacher? I feel so trapped.

Anonymous 12589

>>12588
Your first year of teaching is going to be the hardest. You're learning the culture of the school in addition to learning how to do your job. A lot of teachers I know who ended up loving their jobs say they spent a lot of their first year crying at work. Don't give up, it'll get better.

Anonymous 12590

smash-bros-ultimat…

>>12575
It was a letter in order to get into a study abroad program. Thankfully I got it today and was finally able to submit my application. It wasn't even like I hadn't asked around for it yet, the professor I asked just hadn't gotten it yet and the application deadline is tomorrow. My dad has anger issues and likes to take it out on my Mom and I and he felt like he was giving me an opportunity he never had and wasn't taking advantage of it. My parents do give me a lot financially but I've always been appreciative of it. College is taking longer than expected and he says there's no end in sight but I DO have the rest of my fucking classes planned out, he just never fucking asked.

Whatever. The application is in and I'll be away from him for a year anyways.

Anonymous 12604

>>12589
Thank you anon, that's sweet.
It's my second year tho.

Anonymous 12629

All of the problems in my life are caused by my procrastination habits and yet I still can't stop procrastinating no matter how terrible it makes me feel at the end of every day.

Anonymous 12632

>>12588
what age range are the kids in?
& also do you at least enjoy the subject you're teaching?

Anonymous 12633

Screen Shot 2018-0…

>be me
>driving home from work today
>huge line to get into the fairgrounds, literally like three streets worth of cars backed up in the right lane
>i wisely move over to the middle lane
>there's a honkin' big pick-up truck in front of me
>truck dude waits until THE VERY LAST INTERSECTION to try to pull into the right lane in front of all these people who have been waiting for what has to be AT LEAST an hour
>mfw

not only that but further up ahead in the line i passed a wreck which looked like it had been caused by the exact same behavior. WHY are people such ASSHOLES

Anonymous 12644

Fuck me it's like I aged 10 years since 2016. Bad relationships really took its toll or something.

Anonymous 12646

>>12441
This is me as well. I just don't have anything I enjoy anymore. Maybe it's a part of getting older? Maybe it's residue depression? I don't know but I am just bored by everything and nothing excites me anymore, not even 10 epackets I ordered from Aliexpress which all arrived in one day.

Anonymous 12647

I think my real mother likes my step brother more than me. He's studying a double major (commerce and mechanical engineering) and recently got a job at this top bank (but not before interning at another big 4 accounting firm). Anyways I wish I could not live at home and see how differently she treats him to me, like I'm never going to have the same ambitions or same desire for some 9-5 office job, I just want to graduate and be left alone by society but because I can't fulfill her perfect daughter role, she doesn't really give much attention to me anymore. She's always asking what he wants to eat, buys food just for him and even declares it right in front of my face. Just today I had to watch him eat these delicious ice cream sandwich things while I had the usual cereal. Sometimes I think if I just didn't exist they would make a happy family, just the three of them.

Anonymous 12658

>>12657
Having a FWB doesn't mean that they can't complain about not finding someone who is emotionally and physically compatible to them

Anonymous 12659

>>12658
They can't complain. They are wasting time with a vapid, possibly risky, relationship rather than finding someone they are fully compatible with. Those type of relationships also show a huge lack of self-worth, for both parties involved.

Anonymous 12660

>>12659
Not everyone puts the same value on sex as you do. Sex is just sex to some people.
>rather than finding someone they are fully compatible with
You can still search for someone whilst you have a FWB, hence why it says friend, not boy/girlfriend. There is clearly no commitment.

Anonymous 12664

>>12632
My current pupils are between 12 and 15. I teach French to little Frenchies.
I am really fond of my subject, which is obviously literature and linguistics, but teaching it in middle school doesn't have much to do with academic knowledge, it is kind of frustrating.
Maybe I'd have more fun with older ones.

Anonymous 12674

I'm always scared of overexplaining or being annoying but
I guess not having my happily ever after with my one and only, its complicated and I can't get into it, it just hurts that its possible for everyone else but not me. This isn't even something that will hurt other people, its wholesome.

I guess like. it hurts that I'm actually a outcast and not someone who's just insecure.

I don't even know if I have a right to complain, I'm pretty sure I do if my line of thinking is "we all have to talk to each other and interact, so hurting and enjoying hurting people hurts everyone by having someone to dehumanize and pick on"

Sorry for the ramble, I guess it makes me feel better if I conceptualize it,
it hurts but w/e I guess.

Anonymous 12690

>>12674
Sorry for like rambling but
its just my subjective reality is so weird and different from others
I guess I think its special for me only, like only my emotions and my reality mean anything,
I'm thoroughly convinced that sex can be used for more bad than good, like as in taking advantage of someone and they can't escape you. and other people can do it unconditionally without anyone judging them deeply or thinking badly of them, like its normal for them, but forbidden for me. Its contradicting. I guess it presses further that I am a social outcast, and when I do try to reclaim my own sexuality I get called a freak or treated as subhuman, something always goes wrong.

I got called a bitter virgin for this and it made me realize how complicated things really are I guess, that there is a social ranking and other people's reality are far removed from mine.

I also think of serious justice, like someone being mocked for living their life, and dehumanized, often, but it feels hazy and distant. Like I'm part of the problem and contributing but I'm not self-aware enough.
Like I'm self-righteous and think I'm special, and what I say means anything else.
Like I feel like things in general are too casual or everyone is too child-like, but I contribute to it by saying any passive thought I have, like "springy doungy" but in my case its something that pops into my mind, I say it since I more or often just speak my mind.

And people think I'm being lolrandom and shallow, but really it was something out of my control, a passive thought I had to say. I was misunderstood. and I felt like a object.

Anonymous 12695

It kills me inside that my ex won't even acknowledge my existence. From a person who told me I was one of his closest friends and that he cared so much about me, it hurts. It doesn't help that he texted me saying he wanted to be friends again (after a month of breaking up) 3 months ago.

I hate how it affects me so much.

Anonymous 12700

>>12674
>>12690
did u have a bit much to drink? it's kind of incoherent

Anonymous 12712

>>12700
Not really, I don't drink.
I'm also upset I had a one-sided love that didn't work out. it sucks too since I'm sex repulsed and I didn't feel disgusted at us having sex, he was my one exception. Oh well. I'm still a virgin so I can't miss something I never had,
[don't ask, all I'm gonna say is that I understand he has his own self-agency]

Anonymous 12745

I can't believe my friend blew me off when we were meant to watch a movie last Friday instead she went to see the same movie with some guy on Tinder instead. She was then like how about we watch a different movie on Sunday which she blew me off AGAIN because apparently she's visiting her other friend's bf???????? I am just so done with this girl and irl friends but she is like the only friend I have left since I kept ditching every other friendship as soon as it became "toxic" I'm really starting to think it's me?

But I just don't get it, what goes through the mind of someone like that. Like why would you

A) promise your friend a week before to see a movie
B) but then see it the day before, with a guy you've known for like 2 weeks
C) then blow her off again the following day

??? I'm honestly baffled at what goes through her head and starting to think I just can't be arsed with these people, I've tried to hard to be supportive every time she gets a new bf and I listen to her ramblings because I care and want her to be happy but any time I have a guy problem she brushes me off and we go back to talking about her. And it sucks because she knows I'm pretty much a loner and clinging on to her so she treats me however she pleases. GRRRRR

Anonymous 12748

>>12745
She sounds like a narcissist and she's just using you. Ghost her.

Anonymous 12749

>>12748
The thing is I've known her for years. YEARS, maybe even a decade.

I'll probably just ignore her for a month because I am that salty :(

Anonymous 12750

>>12749
I get why it would be hard to cut her off then, especially if you don't have other friends. I hope you can find some good friends that care about you.

Anonymous 12751

>>12745
She's definitely shitty, but maybe "it's you" insofar as you choose to befriend shitty people?

Also if it's a decades friend, I would tell her what you think. Don't be afraid, what she did is objectively worse and she deserves it. Give her a chance to explained herself too.

Anonymous 12756

>>12750
Thanks for your concern anon :)

Anonymous 12757

>>12751
I mean I definitely know why I haven't been making friends and why I'm consistently losing friends, people are just bored of dealing with my sadness and she was one of the few friends who actually stuck by me during my worst times. Although, I honestly thought she was one of the rare ones but then she goes and does something like this.

Maybe she is genuinely sorry as she's trying to invite me to some boat party already, idk. Friendships are hard.

Anonymous 12783

>>12757
Everything would be resolved if you now answer with "I'd like to come but what if you stand me up at the last moment for some boy again? :["

Anonymous 12784

>>12783

I really should. That's so passive aggressive, I love it.

Anonymous 12785

>>12784
Ist it really? Is it not truthfully why you're salty?

(I don't know tbh)

Anonymous 12787

>>12785
yeah but usually i don't say anything at all & let it slide or ignore them

Anonymous 12789

>vending machine on campus was unlocked
>decided to snag 3 bags of chips for revenge ( because it always fucking got my snacks stuck )
>lose wallet like immediately after
i"m so pissed
i've cancelled my cards and luckily my student id wasn't in there so i can get home but, fuck. i have to go through the tiresome process of getting my insurance card + state id again and i'm fucking irritated lol
that shit is so complicated here

Anonymous 12791

>>12789
karma

Anonymous 12800

1508366494990.jpg

>>12546
I eventually quit going altogether because it was just upsetting and didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. The sessions were just long enough to rip all my stuffing out but not long enough to sort through any of it or put it back in before I had to leave. Not a very good mindset for trying to drive home, and I didn't fancy making a display every time sitting in the parking lot crying it out either. So I said fuck it. It didn't feel like it was helping. It was starting to feel like talking was just making everything worse and not providing insight at all.

Anybody reading this who feels like they're at that same point, just know that it's okay to take a break from therapy for a while. If you're not ready to do that, at least let the therapist know you don't feel like you're being helped and that you'd like to either try other treatment modalities or get referred to someone else.

Anonymous 12833

>Started a company with 3 guys, we all agreed to be equal.
>I worked hard and made the pitchdeck that would land us the investment.
>Suddenly I am told the investor needs to "know me more". The 3 men in our company all get shares but I am told to wait.
>I wait.
>Investor hangs out with them outside work, invites them to his sons weeding. But not me.
>Makes no effort to "get to know me"
>Even though I have the most experience of the bunch I daily have to prove my worth.
>When I do, and I do it often, the guys take credit for it.
>I get the nerves to ask them for my damn shares. Threaten to leave. It's a struggle to get HALF of what they got…
>Also realize they secretly pumped their own pay, i now earn less than them…

I have 15 years experience in companies bigger than this one. The 3 of them each have 3-5 years. And still they constantly doubt me.

Meritocracy my ass.., More like mantocracy…

Anonymous 12837

>>12833
Can you threaten to sue?

Anonymous 12852

>>12833
I mean, what did you expect, with the #metoo shit it's impossible for men to be in the same room as a woman

Anonymous 12853

>>12833
How the fuck do you let yourself be walked all over like that? I would have left the moment I didn't get any shares, especially since it was agreed upon before. Everything what happened afterwards is just logical progression of having a work mule who will do everything for nothing.

Anonymous 12855

>>12853
This.
You're a dumbass with no backbone, that's why your "partners" get what they want and you don't.

Anonymous 12858

>>12789
ok so my wallet was actually at home on my bed
i just cancelled all my cards for no reason…i'm penniless until like next week or so
just fuck it all

Anonymous 12860

>>12858
So double karma? I feel you though girl

Anonymous 12865

>>12858
>wallet
why not a purse?

Anonymous 12866

>>12858
….done something similar.
Laugh it off if you can

Anonymous 12949

crying.jpg

>friend whom I love is melancholic over no qt gf again
Fucking end me, at this point just stopping talking to him isn't a realistic option as it's the only thing I look forward to in life and preferable to being lonely all the time plus we're involved in a mutual large scale project I can't bring myself to abandon either. I'm usually perfectly happy to be able to chat with him but I switch to feeling like an ugly piece of shit for days on end the moment he brings up the topic of cute girls and his futile attempts to win them over. As whiny as it probably sounds I wish I had any sort of external validation, maintaining a healthy self image seems to border on impossibility without it.

Anonymous 12950

>>12949
why does hearing your friend discuss his troubles make you feel sad?

Anonymous 12952

>>12950
oh idk maybe for the exact reason she wrote?

Anonymous 12953

>>12952
She just said that she loves him (no indication of whether she means in a romantic or platonic sense) and that she is distressed when he complains about his dating life. Does this mean she attracted to him but cannot confess? Does it mean she was turned down by him previously? There are few details provided for the reader to understand her emotions with.

Anonymous 12954

>>12949
That sounds agonizing, I'm so sorry. You know him better than I do, so please please feel free to ignore me if I'm off base here, but he sounds either incredibly dense or like he's given up on you because he assumes you don't see him in a romantic way. Have you tried being a bit more direct with him about your feelings so he knows he can go for it without being rejected by you and also ruining your friendship and the project you're both working on?

Going off of my own experiences, I'd never date anyone I worked with. The last thing I want in the event of a breakup is to have to come back to work the next day and see him. Maybe this guy takes a similar approach.

Anonymous 12955

>>12953
she is indicating romantic

Anonymous 12996

Why is it that being friendly and polite comes naturally to me but for some people it's actually tied to serious efforts?

My man just came to me and asked me to do something in a nice manner, and I could feel the effort it took him, and knew I now had to notice and appreciate and thank him for doing so, and he was happy and relieved because his efforts were noticed.

I mean that's nice but…

I actually had to go great lengths to thank someone to treat me with basic respect.

Why is my life like this.

It cost me nothing, I agree, and I can pull the old social engineering/Pavlov conditioning trick to just go overboard with praise and appreciation whenever he does something the way I want it, but I feel this would devalue and disrespect him. I mean apparently he feels respected when I do that(???) , I just feel that I have to resort to treat him like a toddler.

Where is the mistake in thinking?

Anonymous 12997

>>12996
Being nice and friendly comes naturally to me as well and I know your feel when it comes to other people not feeling the same way. I think a lot of people lack personality and have to resort to being nice as a personality trait to sell yourself. It's the "niceguy" modus operandi

I don't think you're in the wrong here, your dude just needs to develop himself, mature a little maybe, those two things can come in tandem

Anonymous 13002

>>12997
Yeah I really hope he does - he at least makes serious efforts, what is more than most people can claim anyway.

You're right, I also heard him say once that he assumes most people are only nice because it brings them benefits. That's terrible, but I think he's right :(

Anonymous 13025

>>12953
Now that I've woken up and gone back to reread my own frantic nightpost I realize it may have been vague. I do love him romantically but was turned down 2,5 years ago.

>>12954
Thanks very much for your concern anonette. I guess you're right about him being dense as he probably either assumes I must've gotten over it by now or simply underestimates how much he meant to me in the first place, I know he's not actively trying to hurt me. Thankfully (or not?) though we do not share a workplace in the conventional sense, the project is not so much a job as it is a brainchild of his that I think has lots of potential and decided to commit to helping him with. As I've contributed a lot so far my leaving would likely have a huge impact, not to mention I wouldn't want to quit even if my relationship with him weren't a factor since I actually enjoy working on it, it motivates me to not only be productive but also share my work with the outside world, which would be incredibly difficult for me under any other circumstances.

Anonymous 13048

>last week
>seriously stressed out about life, education, plans, etc.
>feel like I want to vent to my 2 close friends about it
>messaged them that I want to cry & vent and they plan to come the next Friday
>today, making plans to come over and play d&d tomorrow in a group chat with another friend who I'm not so close to
>heart broke because does not know why plans changed
>does not have the heart to say no nor say I want to exclude friend because I want to vent
>feels selfish

I really don't want to message them as I feel that I might make the problem bigger than it is… I'll probably suck it up and play with them. All I just wanted is a physical shoulder to cry on and be hugged while just crying… I'm so selfish.

Anonymous 13051

>>13048
Don't feel bad, the abrupt change from your expectations (vent session) to a more mixed friend group is normal to be upset about.

I would think it's because the less-close friend is also into d&d so they wanted to include them, or the people planning it aren't aware of your discomfort talking about personal things with others.

In any case, you should try to arrange for a way to vent and have a cathartic cry, maybe stay later after the other friend leaves and have some food?

I think you should still play the campaign since socializing and taking your mind off stressors is also helpful. I hope things work out!

Anonymous 13064

>>13051
I'm glad then because I do not want to appear or be selfish towards my close friends as they have done so much for me and feel like the older siblings I never had.

I wish I can, but I whenever I'm alone for some reason I tend to hold back. I don't cry alone often, but when I do cry I feel lonely. As with my friend, he almost always a lingerer and stays till he is the only one left. I'm still a little scared to message and say my feelings, but if I'm early with the meetup then maybe I'll let them know if we finish early or decide to stop to maybe stay longer.

You're right, playing will help keep my mind off things. Except right now I have to come up with 2 characters which isn't all that bad. Thank you so much anon, this made me feel better!

Anonymous 13067

i'm really upset with one of my friends right now.
i met him several years ago and even though we didn't live in the same state (I was on vacation) we hit it off so well that we exchanged phone numbers and kept in contact ever since. he says at the time that he would have been willing to be in a relationship with me, but i didn't want a LDR so I thought it was better that we just stay friends.
About a year or two ago, he met this other woman in his city who's the same social class as he is (both are from old money) and they got engaged. but apparently this other woman is really insecure about the friendship that he has with me, and–to be fair, he's made some romantic statements towards me since getting engaged that I think would make her pretty upset to hear. he's told me that he's had fights with his fiancee over me, because she wants him to completely cut contact and he values our friendship too much to do so. i've told him to be practical and just do what she says, but apparently during one of these fights he even gave her my phone number and she left a voice mail on my phone this week requesting that I be the one to cut contact because he won't. This was after I told him that I didn't want to come between him and his impending marriage, and that it would be better for us to both just not speak to one another for a while so that his fiancee could have some peace of mind and I wouldn't interfere with his life plans.

but he keeps sending me texts and pictures and it's like being baited. i don't want to be the bad guy, i don't like drama, but i really miss talking to him, too. i've cried so much over this and i feel so stupid for being this upset, but it's either stop being friends with him or ruin his relationship with his fiancee and thus his social connections and political aspirations.

i'm just not responding anymore.

Anonymous 13071

I'm a massive racist and I'm afraid of being open about it.

1. If I find a guy that assumes I'm normal and I reveal that I hate blacks and jews he might be scared away.

2. If I find a guy that knows I'm a racist, there's a higher chance that a large part of his personality will be based around hating minorities, rather than being able to live a normal life.

Anonymous 13074

>>13072
Lmao what is that pic?

Anonymous 13075

>>13071
Instead of being more open about it, there is a very easy, more simple solution you could try.
How about try to not be so racist?

Anonymous 13076


Anonymous 13077

>>13072
You don't look very white, for a racist.

Anonymous 13078

>>13075
It's not really a choice, to be completely honest. I live in SoFlo. It's much easier to not be racist if you live in an area with no minorities, but if you live near them you see how they act.

I think it's hilarious that you seriously suggest "have you tried not being a racist" though, got a giggle out of me

Anonymous 13079

>>13077
>implying people who aren’t white can’t be racist
If only you knew

Anonymous 13088

>>12865
MODS!

Anonymous 13089


Anonymous 13092

>>13075
>I don't see color, stereotypes are blatantly false instead of being mild exaggerations of the truth, lalalala I can't hear you

Anonymous 13096

>>13088
To talk to the mods you need to use the report button but tbh there's nothing wrong in carrying a wallet instead of a purse, what the fuck?

Anonymous 13120

>>13096
I never said there was anything wrong with it. I only asked why a wallet was chosen over a purse

Anonymous 13126

There's an anime club at our University but it only has meetings in the evening. I was excited to finally be able to get that classic weeb experience, but I live too far away from the uni to come back 7 hours after my classes end. I don't like being out when it's dark.

Feels bad.

Anonymous 13133

>>13088
You’re weird, I have a wallet for my cards and stuff, I’m not gonna just stick it all in my bag/purse.

Anonymous 13142

I just burned a bridge with one of my friends but it's been a long time coming. Still, I cried last night and couldn't sleep. We hadn't been that close for awhile and I know I'm not perfect, but what she did really sucked and I finally freaked out over it as an excuse to end the friendship more than anything. Should've just ghosted her and let the friendship slowly die. I'm not meant to be confrontational. Lol

Anonymous 13144

some guy off tinder says he wants to be cuddle buddies, is this really what he wants or is this just a disguise for him to try something more?

Anonymous 13145

>>13144
No guy has ever told the truth about that.

Anonymous 13147

>>13071
You can always go by the meme route. Many people online like to joke edgy jokes about gaschambers and nazi frogs, so maybe ease the guy you meet with those memes and at some point reveal they're not all ironic memes.

Anonymous 13148

>>13145
im more afraid he's going to rape me

Anonymous 13149

>>13148
I mean, it's entirely possible. He's definitely going to try to have sex.

Anonymous 13176

idk how I got such horrid fat distribution

if you only saw my face, you'd think I'm overweight/obese

the only way my face resembles that of a regular bmi is when i'm underweight

it's like i have skeleton with an obese face

i'm never going to gain weight because i'd look obese

how do i make myself okay with this horrid part of me

Anonymous 13178

I miss my ex whos done bad things to me and I keep fucking up at my new job so im scared of getting fired

Anonymous 13179

>>13176
How tall are you?

Anonymous 13180

>>13179
5'4'', 94 lbs (i keep on binging then restricting so my weight ranges from 93 to 96, i feel gross)

Anonymous 13181

>>13176

> it's like i have skeleton with an obese face


OK, I'm not laughing at your situation but this sentence made me laugh so hard

Anonymous 13186

>>13180
I don't want to say you're wrong, but it's entirely possible you're just looking at yourself in a way that no one else does

Anonymous 13189

>>12833
How does someone with 15 years of work experience get so obviously worked over

Anonymous 13192

>>13189
(Time for my vent)
IT is chock full of women like this, and they make the rest of us women in IT look bad and make is hard for us to advance or even be taken seriously.
I am working with one just like her right now.
>degree from an average uni, but not certs
>8 years of literal first line help desk work which she pimps as 'working with a fortune 500 company's cutting edge IT department' but means 'I spent 16,000 hours resetting passwords over the phone, never took a class, never got a cert, and never earned a promotion'.
>Moved to a tiny local company with a 4 person IT department where she got a sysadmin job title but spent another 8,000 hours resetting people's passwords and installing anti-virus
>Has a LinkedIn entry as co-founder of an IT startup where she was head of development for 4 more years. The company has a website but no press releases, no stock, and no products for sale. Interestingly enough, she was still working as a sysadmin at company #3 (another SMB) at the same time - so she and her two fed-up friends incorporated, built a website, and dreamed big all while still working frontline helpdesk and never creating a functional product for sale
>Gets hired into an actual startup along with a bunch of the rest of us. She makes a great slide deck, her grammar and punctuation are tops, and she owns a dress and matching heels, so she's doing the preso for the first round of funding. The 3 guys that did the core coding and the 9 people they hired to develop it into a functional product with market potential all own cargo shorts and have $3 haircuts, including the women, and are too busy coding
>Since she's doing the preso she gets a Director title on her business card and she attends money meetings (God knows she can't fucking code). She is making entry coding money (which is more than she made as a help desk/sysadmin) and gets to expense lunches, so she's thinking she's a manager.
>The core guys already are incorporated and have the shares all split and are ready for equity funding
>Slidedeck girl is suffering delusions she's getting equity for making a preso while wearing a pushup bra
After funding she's gonna' squawk about being a director but not making a much money as the actual directors. And after the equity investors come in she is gonna' scream about not having any stock.
And the founders are going to look at her with contempt as they fire her clueless ass. And then when they see me and the other women coding our asses off they're gonna' have that wary 'is she gonna' freak out, too?' look in their eyes.
And the low-level guys will tell jokes about 'the female "Director" we used to have' for fucking years.
And she'll go buy some wine and tell all her friends,
'But I have 14 years experience! I helped found a startup!'.
[Yeah, I'm mad]

Anonymous 13193

>>13067
she keeps fucking calling me.
I don't know what to do. I told him that I wasn't talking to him again, but I keep getting messages from his fiancee now saying 'every time it's implied there's something wrong he gets all riled up and i would like to work on our relationship without you being involved'
BITCH I DON'T WANT TO BE INVOLVED. I haven't talked to him since I said, 'I'm not going to call you again', why is it my fault that he's not letting go of this issue?
i hate men.

Anonymous 13202

>>12837
>>12852
>>12853
>>13189

That's the sad thing. After 15 years this is my first chance at owning company shares. You have no idea how hard it is to even be considered a co owner in my industry(gamedev).
I enjoy my day to day job, I have a great team and hired both great men and women… Owning a share in a million dollar company is huge deal.Thats why i stay to fight… It's my one chance… I built the company as much as they did, its my baby too…. But the closer i get to the top, the harder the top fights me.The more uneven it gets.

Gosh, almost like some sort of transparent hard surface gets in the way…

Anonymous 13208

I'm not happy with my boyfriend but don't wanna break up because I'm scared of hurting him. Why does my brain think that his feelings are more important than mine?? It's been a year which feels long but actually maybe isn't that big of a deal. Desperately trying to find the stones to call it off.

Anonymous 13212

sadd.jpg

I cannot take the sadness anymore.
I talk to people and i still feel lonely, i search for support and only find pain, i give only to not receive anything.
I'm exhausted of being a drain on people and society, sometimes i wish i could just disappear.

Anonymous 13213

>>13176
Could it be that it is some kind of mild swelling or water retention going on?

Anonymous 13219

so

i got to work yesterday (retail) just to get called into the office bc there are somehow 700 FUCKING BUCKS missing in my cash register (we all have individual ones) and i have no fucking clue how this could even be.

my boss asked me if i did something wrong once and didn't tell her but there's no, NO fucking way i somehow managed to lose/overlook 700 bucks in the span of two weeks. my boss was really sweet tho and tried to calm me down bc i was obv. panicking and playing over every interaction i've had with customers that paid with a lot of cash but….

i just can't wrap my head around it. it doesn't make sense since im always rly careful when giving customers their change and im just… lost.
i've been working there for a month and now this happens. idk what to do, i hope they find out that it's been a system-error and the cash is somehow in the safe or im gonna have to live with this huge fucking failure for life (and have it in my resume, probably)

Anonymous 13220

>>13219
often times it's a co-worker stealing out of your register or after the money is taken from your register

Anonymous 13221

>>13219

god i don't even want to imagine that?? we have password for our registers but they're only 3 digits long and i guess some co-workers have seen me type it in once in a while but… i can't believe they'd steal out of it.


well, either way, i'm going to change the pw and just keep on doing my job… nothing i can do about it.

Anonymous 13222

sorry, meant to reply to >>13220

Anonymous 13228

>>13193
anons, i'm off work now.
do i call her back? and what do i even say if i do?
how do i navigate this situation without completely throwing my friend under the bus?

Anonymous 13268

tumblr_inline_ncwj…

Tomorrow i have to meet with my therapist, only to tell her i have made 0 improvements over the points we went through, meds are barely working, i'm depressed as ever, actually self harmed and my anxiety is through the roof.
Cannot wait, girls.

Anonymous 13286

>>12833
>start a company
>don’t have shares
Huh?
As in “that makes no fucking sense” huh?
Did the 4 of you create a Corporation or an LLC ‘start a company’ or did you all talk in a coffee shop every Thursday ‘start a company’?
Because if you actually, legally ‘started a company’ you’d have shares/equity BEFORE you looked for investors and you couldn’t be cheated after the fact. An actual, legal entity, company has defined roles and usually defined salaries BEFORE you look for investors.
>gamedev
>made a slide deck
Do you code? Write dialogue?

Anonymous 13294

>>13268

do you have projections about how your therapist might react to this (e.g., disappointed, annoyed, etc.)? This is like the cheat code of therapy – share your feared/hoped for projections with your therapist, it helps so much to deal with that shit in-the-moment. Try it out, it has helped me so much in therapy.

Anonymous 13309

>hate my face and love my face at different points in the same day
>features are amorphous in my eyes for some reason, especially my face shape
>no idea how I actually look
MAKE IT STOP OR AT LEAST LET ME ACCEPT MY UGLINESS WHEN I FEEL THAT WAY
fuck



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