Vent Thread Anonymous 12294
Old thread: >>8291
Last one reaches autosage status.
Vent your heart out, anons.
This boy was really shitty and probably too stupid for me to actually be serious with but I miss the attention. Halp.
There are plenty of other people who can give you better attention. Don't waste time
I fell asleep and forgot to mow the lawn before it got dark
I wish I wasn't so lonely all the time. I hate crying everyday
oh no anonette, why do you feel so lonely? isn't there anyone you could hang out with during the toughest hours, even online? you can post here to soothe the pain a little, it works with me. we're here for you!
No, I don't have any friends. It's hard for me to make any. Thanks anon for the support.
Anon, I know this feel all too well. I'd give you a hug if I could.
Are you engaging in other things to keep you distracted? It'd also help if you're actively seeking others to talk to.
Why even bother to get better if life gets shitty again. It's a fucking cicle. I honestly can't take it anymore. I want to die.
I tried playing a game. It got worse for me tonight. I feel like I need to be hospitalized
Do you think other people's lives don't take turns to shittyness constantly?
I hope your situation improves, anon-chan,i'm in a similar place so i feel you, we are always here to listen if you wanna talk, and if you ever wanna play some games together, i'll maybe drop an alt email or something, i'm not the best but i can keep you company for a few.
Have you maybe tried joining the crystal discord when it reopens? That helped me feel a less lonely since everyone there is so nice and helpful with everything.
and? what kind of advice is that? not everyone born chad to face problems without struggle. if you can't say something meaningful/helpful, don't say anything at all.
Even those "born Chad" deal with obstacles and difficulties. I don't think that other anon meant to be so blunt about it. Suffering is a part of life. So is learning to adapt and survive. >>12309
I don't want to say for sure that things will always get better, but bad times do always pass. Keep at it anon!
but still, everyone KNOW that. so why even bother to say something like that? it sounds mean tbh. as i said>if you can't say something meaningful/helpful, don't say anything at all
and there are people who cannot face problem that easily, people are different. if she has depression you just say "everyone has problems lol"?
Do you think something about the present day is making people be lonely and barely functional? That's not me being cruel, because I feel exactly the same.>>12314
And between fifty to sixty million people died during the course of the Second World War, but that's not going to perk you up if you just lost a parent.
I'm so mentally exhausted, two days ago i self harmed
again after not doing it for 3 years, i feel so numbed down, i cannot even pretend to appear happy or friendly.
I honestly don't know if i will be able to move on from this mental breakdown like i did from all the others i have had, it's like my brain has shut down and i'm just a husk, i seriously do not feel anything, not pain, not happiness, nothing, it's like i exhausted all my emotions.
I wish i could tell somebody that i feel this way, but i don't like worrying people, so i just cope with it. >>12314
Where in that anon's post did she imply she is the only one feeling this way? Relax.
A person can suffer while other bad things happen around the world, it doesn't diminish it's importance.
Then why bother saying "not everyone has a perfect life," no one has a perfect conflict-less life.
I agreed that >>12314
was a bit unsympathetic, but maybe they intended it to be "you're not alone, this happens to many people."
I wouldn't say what they said, but simply saying "if you can't be nice don't say anything at all" is really banal.
I guess I'll tack on my own vent: I am so anxious about this upcoming year, I feel like I've only gotten good at doing school, but I've become one of those people who are only good at studying and not "real life" skills. I'm not entirely socially deficient, but the thought of the job search process and anguish terrifies me.
Facebook blocked my account because i wasn't posting or something stupid and now i can't login for love nikki. They asked for a picture to verify if it was really me but i never ever even posted a picture on my facebook account. I also can't ask questions on that stupid facebook forum because guess what you can only ask questions when you're logged in.
Today a local newspaper made a shitty opinion piece personally insulting something that I personally chose for my life, and all the braindead commenters went in with the worst possible mob mentality. It really bummed me out, I even logged in and commented and received a bit of hate, and over that I neglected my home amd it looks like crap :(
>>12324>Today a local newspaper made a shitty opinion piece personally insulting something that I personally chose for my life
what do you mean? did the Corpus Christi Caller Times publicly shame you for installing a shag carpet in your bathroom
So. I'm at the emergency waiting room.
My friend is in the acute ward because he drank too much and said he wanted to die. I feel fucking terrible because no one was able to take away the bottle; I could have just walked over to him and taken it away but I didn't. I don't know why we let him have the bottle in the first place. We shouldn't have.
It hurts a lot to see him so depressed and in pain that he told us to murder him and that we don't care about him. And fuck, he mentioned my name twice and it wasn't nice to hear – he said MYNAME doesn't care and that he already got rejected by MYNAME, and thus no one cares about him. I care about him a lot. What I didn't know was how much me rejecting him hurt him (I wasn't into him and I had gotten out of a relationship recently) and fuck, maybe we should stop talking for a bit until things settle down.
Either way, I feel like a terrible and awful human being.. but maybe I really am one.
You're not a bad person and what happened is not your fault. It's very difficult to protect someone else from alcohol poisoning if oneself is also drinking. If you were a bad person you would not have called an ambulance or gone to the ED to visit your friend. Emergency departments see such cases countless times and know exactly what to do.
that's pretty awful of him pinning the blame on you.
he wants you to feel as shitty as he is feeling. by no means is his depression your fault. no one person can fix someone.
You are not awful. Awful people don't help save their friend's life by making sure they get medical attention.
>>12333>that's pretty awful of him pinning the blame on you.>he wants you to feel as shitty as he is feeling. by no means is his depression your fault. no one person can fix someone.
I agree, this sort of behavior is often rooted in perverse, selfish motivations. In fact, some men derive gratification through the receipt of sympathy and care from women they are attracted to. It's probably an oedipal neurosis.
I just want you to find a girl to love and who will love you just as much as I would have.
No matter how hurt I am now or how sad I will be in the next days – I will never resent going through this with you. I hope I can be by your side for as long as you need me, and I assure you that you won't need me for that long because good things will come your way when you're not expecting anything from life.
I will never show you how sad I actually am right now because of my pride and because this is my only coping mechanism at the moment. If I pretend to be okay it will eventually become true, right?
I've never wanted you to cry, but I'm happy that you cried over me and that you feared to lose me, or that things would change for the worse. I still wish I could hug you, even if as just another friend from a distant place. I guess that will never happen now, most definitely not, but I wish I could because you are the only person I actually want to be comforted by.
I am happy I've made your life better somehow. I hope I can ease your loneliness and your sadness until you don't need me anymore. There is a lot more I want to say, but I can't put my feelings into words right now. I'm just grateful for your existence.
I know it's over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real
I've been going through a recent bipolar spell and it's fucking killing me. It feels like all the friends I had have all started drifting away and have found their place in the world where as I'm still stumbling through life as a mentally ill weirdo. The medication sucks ass and I honestly feel like it might be worse? I dunno man I feel like I need out of this shit.
Give me two weeks and I'll be on a high again.
:/ I'm sorry anon. Just hang in there. Hopefully this loneliness is just a phase that will pass. Maybe you should consider getting a pet if you're willing to take the responsibility. There's nothing like that pure, unconditional love they give you. Something I truly miss. Hope this doesn't come across as shilling. Some people have different views on pets and maybe you're the type who wouldn't want to own one.
I wish I could be hugged and told everything will be okay and that I'm safe and that it will all work out in the end. This is just too much for me. This isn't fair, none of this is.
I'll hug you. <3
And in fact, everything will be ok. Everything will go down its path and time will continue. The pressure on your shoulders will turn out to not be as urgent after all. Most of the worries you might have now will turn out to not be as important. (Or maybe justified, but the bad things resulting from them are part of the grand scheme of things as well.)
The only consideration left to deal with is how you react to all of that. Yes, there will be suffering. It's unavoidable. You should view it as your duty, yet continue your path along time and take care to make the best decision at any point.>>12341
It's weird how struggling to leave the house can creep up on you, huh…
I want to promote my shitty blog and always suck up to some publishers and events, and Everytime I think "this is the breakthrough!", and then I get a measly two followers. I feel like a MLM victim.
Just a random, not-so-deep vent. I am so /stressed/ waiting for all my crap for my costume to show up in the mail because I'm a total idiot who leaves everything last minute. Watch it all show up a week /after/ the convention. And it's all my fault for procrastinating. ugh. I just have such a fear of spending money these days because I'm so broke and I know I don't have anyone to help me with important things so I just become paralyzed with anxiety over spending any kind of money.>>12343
Also this. I feel this with you, anon. I've barely left the house all summer. Not good times. Even going to the grocery store becomes overwhelming.
Long rant coming, sorry.
My husband had a terrible childhood: parents were both serial cheaters; his mother had cancer, then heart attacks, and was an addict; his father went to prison for drug dealing; lived in shocking poverty as a kid and teen; and a lot more.
I grew up in upper-middle-class suburban bliss.
About a month ago I was talking about something from my youth and he said,
“Wow. Your parents treated you far worse than mine ever did.”
I was offended! His dad is a felon, his mom died of an overdose, he used to pick through dumpsters for enough scrap to sell to eat! I went to an elite private school, had music tutors, went to Disney every year, traveled Europe every other Summer!
But the more I think about it….
His druggie parents did treat him better than mine did. His had problems but love him.
My parents? I am a burden, a joke, a seal that has to perform on demand. There was a joke on MST3K that reminded me of how I grew up,
“Feelings are for ethnic people”.
If I wasn’t happy and cheerful, I was wrong. If my parents upset me, I was ungrateful and bad. My parents were focused on looking happy, looking successful, looking rich and I was an accessory. And I had to play my part.
All of my high school friends envied me,
“Your parents are so cool, I wish they were mine.”
And I was the same: trained to be happy in my shackles.
Here’s the incident that now chills me.
I was 12. It was Summer. Mom asked me to go to the store with her. We stopped for lunch. In the crowded restaurant she told me she had cancer.
She even said she told me there so I wouldn’t ‘make a scene’ and get ‘overwrought’ and ‘embarrass her’.
How do I deal with the realization that my parents were like that?
your family sound similar to mine, I’m sorry anon. The only thing we can do is not be like that when we have our own families, you know? <3
I think with upbringings and stuff (regarding your bf and the differences) there’s no “worse” situation here. They’re both bad. Parenting is hard but most people fuck it up because their own needs eclipse the need of their offspring. True, proper parenting is selfless and there’s a need for it nowadays.
I hope venting helped you a bit anyway. Sending hugs!
What the other anon already said - it's more of an example of what kind of parent NOT to be for your child. You can now blame them all you want but that won't change the things that have already happened and when it happened you had no idea of the reasons at that time etc.
many people forget that its actually easy to spend money, even people who don't have money spend money. but that doesn't make you a good parent, I know where you are coming from, don't worry anon
i bought this 9 inch pizza out of curiosity and it's gross as fuck
i want my money back
>>12331>he said MYNAME doesn't care and that he already got rejected by MYNAME
Oh fuck him. I'm sorry but fuck that. The world is over because he couldn't get pussy. Fuck him again.
Fuck him not in the literal sense, but figurative. I should've clarified. It's a piece of shit loser thing to do to pin his sexual frustrations on you and then try to an hero
Wtf Anon! My mom also took me outside, to McDonald's, to tell me my grandma died. She wasn't as upfront with her intentions, though, because she's a schemin deceptive person.
I swear every time I realize a new thing about my parents, it saddens me more, but I'm long numb already and they wonder why I'm so cold towards them and don't want to see them.
I think mine lied to me about some miscarried siblings. It's possible, yes, but she explicitly mentioned a condition and told me to look it up, and I did extensively later and found nothing.
At least yours are sincere, huh? :(
A possible remedy is visiting other, nice families. Bonus points: if a person already has a family but also has had nice parents.
Families tend to get people neurotic when they have more children (…and their life together). My go-to source of hopr is a lady with 5 kids who is the oldest of 10 siblings and sometimes tells about with what gentleness her parents have taught them to do the right things.
It's literally medicine before the soul to listen to and watch them.
the only family member I could love is gone from me and now they don't want me. They picked am emotionally abusive boyfriend over me.
I have never had any friends.
People only want me if they're in a relationship with me. I hate it. My only friends were my first boyfriend who lasted for all of high school until I broke it off, and now I'm with a guy that I've been with for 3+ years. I've never loved either of them in a romantic way. I don't think I'm capable of that kind of love either at all, or at least with men. I feel trapped. Both of my boyfriends feel loved by me because I know how to make them feel valued and cared for. To an extent, I do. But it's not in a lovey-dovey way, though it looks like that. I hate it. I wish I could just have a girl friend.
What's even worse is guys often approach me in real life or want me to date them. I hate that. I fucked up by repeating my mistake from high school.
I deserve to die. I have no skills. No intrinsic worth.
I really wish I had friends I'm comfortable to be around sometimes. Or at least have a big social circle. Some days such as today are really lonely.
I used to be assertive if my friends were disrespectful or passive agressive to me and then cut off contact if it kept going.
I don't know if it's worth it anymore.
On the other hand, I'm tired of spending the money I barely have on seeing friends that don't want to hang out with me. It's okay if they don't, I just get really disappointed when instead of them telling me they want to leave they make the dumbest excuses.
Perhaps if I had a big social circle I'd find out what I'm doing wrong.
Maybe join a club of some sorts? One that meets regularly and you can contribute something to?
Thanks for the suggestion! I would love that and I've been actually searching for free activity groups I could attend, bad thing is that in a few days I'll have no time again and wouldn't have time to dedicate myself to that activity.
I play a boardgame already at a game store but all the people I meet there are men. I'm totally being picky but I really crave some genuine female company, and it also seems they're not very interested in casual friendship (some of them tried to flirt with me and it made me feel really awkward to the point I stopped going for a few weeks now).
I hope I can save some money and be able to go to the gym / a dance class / any group event that improves my life, at least socially
Meh :( I found my closest friend when I was buying a really specific thing from our equivalent of Craigslist and upon collecting it found that she was nice, and exchanged numbers and met up.
Maybe you can attend local flea markets (is this a thing where you live?) and start chatting up people.
> plan graduation celebration at my favorite bar
> invite all same-age co-worker friends…just moved and they're who I know so far
> group text inviting/planning, everyone basically says they won't be drinking or "I'll probably just have one drink :))) "
> wanted to get fucking trashed and blow off steam from all my schoolwork stress
> feel like an ashamed alcoholic, and sort of pissed that no one will be irresponsible with me
Buy a bottle to drink after the bar by yourself, woman! Watch movies, youtube, whatever you want (dont go to fb tho, bad idea when drunk )
I hate myself so much I'm socially retarded and just so fucking dumb. I wish i could work at home were no one is watching when i make mistakes. Everytime i make a mistake in public i just die. And now i just feel so sad again, i don't want to work. I don't want to do anything i just want to sleep and do things i like without being judged.
Me too, anon. I even dream about embarrassing myself at work in front of people, it's a special kind of torture.
In the same boat here, went into a downward spiral because I made a few mistakes at my new job yesterday
I'm really bad at expressing my feelings, wants, or needs. My friends say I'm good with words but I don't know if that matters. When it's about what I feel I don't know what to say or how to say it. My family would always talk about how quiet and modest I was as a child, contrary to children who'd scream about things they want.
I was a really shy child and I didn't want to bother anyone with anything, so I never talked about what I want. How am I supposed to express myself, CC? Does it matter if I do?
When I was younger my mother would complain that I'd never ask her to buy me things. If there was anything wrong I'd always ignore it, even though my mom would always say I must speak if something hurts, never wait and think "it'll go away."
Even now, I'm reconsidering and thinking whether I really should post this or not, I mean, is it really a problem? I don't know, but it seems abnormal, so I've come to ask you.
I don't want to ask my friends. Whenever I try to talk to them about myself nothing changes and it feels like a pointless endeavor.
the one time I had an intimate relationship with someone I immediately ruined everything due to being a paranoid, neurotic, insecure spaz
I think I may just be emotionally defective and doomed to either be alone or an awful partner/spouse to some unfortunate soul
I had sort of a similar upbringing.
My sister was always asking for expensive things or getting into fights with our parents so I grew up with my mom venting to me about that and as a consequence never wanted to be a 'troublemaker'. So I would never ask my parents for anything I wanted or complain when I was going through something difficult, because I didn't want to add to their stress. Plus most of the things that I did want were sort of considered to be dumb or unnecessary, i.e. going to conventions or buying a video game, even though they would have been less expensive than the things that my sister asked for ($400 worth of camping gear, $150 pair of jeans, etc.)
for a long time it really fucked with my self-esteem and even now I'm having to go through therapy to learn how to ask for what I need or want without feeling immensely guilty over it. It really does detract from your quality of life, and in my case it's led to me putting up with problems that I should have never allowed to get off the ground in the first place. Since you've at least recognized the problem exists (and it is a problem, it clearly bothers you) then I hope you can also take some steps to get help and figure out how to deal with it in the future.
the good news is that, at least in my situation, when I learned how to talk to my parents about what I've been through without their support and what problems I've been struggling with since, they've been supportive. In a way I think that my mom suffers from an immense amount of guilt because she just assumed that when I said things were 'fine', she never tried to probe further or figured out that I was lying in order to save her the pain and concern of learning what was actually going on in my life. I would have to say that my relationship with them this past year has gotten better than it ever was before in my life because I finally feel like I can be honest and rely on them for help when I need it.
I feel like if I tell my friends about things I want they'll say I'm whiny or I complain too much or I want too much. They rarely talk about their own issues. But next time I want to say something I'll ignore this feeling.
>go to gas pump
>put the clip on the nozzle so i dont have to hold the handle down the whole time
>forget to take clip off before pulling nozzle out
>gasoline starts spraying everywhere, onto the ground, my car, my leg
>”fuck fuck fuck please no one look”
>turn the nozzle off and start walking into the station to tell the workers the mess I made
>before I make it there, slip and fall onto gas puddle and cut my feet, now i have cuts and my legs are drenched in gasoline
>on the verge of tears, there are other people here
>tell the workers and desperately try to clean myself off in the bathroom
I hate being in public. This is going to give me cringe attacks for months. I know someone probably saw. End me
i'm sorry anon, i hope your cuts aren't very bad. i think a lot of people who could have seen you would just be worried to see if they could help or if you're okay. and remember that no matter how bad you think you embarrassed yourself, it's out of the mind of whoever saw it incredibly fast almost always. sometimes they don't even care, sometimes they remember it for an hour, sometimes a day, even if for some weird reason they remember it forever and sit there and laugh about it in their head every month (that would be weird, how often do you do that?) it can't hurt you, it doesn't detract anything from you, it's not worth cringing over.
I've felt quite apathetic past few years.
Maybe I'm just feeling lazy, but I don't feel like doing anything at all. I just don't have anything I enjoy. I liked to draw when I was younger, but I dropped it last year.
I can't be bothered to play games. I feel bored when I talk to my friends. I have books to read and things to learn but I lose interest after reading a sentence. I don't even enjoy food or eating, though I indulge in sweets. All I want to do is sleep but I don't feel sad or depressed. At some point I was happy or interested in things, I must have been, but since my memory is terrible I don't remember when I started to feel like this. I have a comedy show I "enjoy" but I can't sit through even that. (it's usually ~80mins long) I never want to do anything and all I feel is "indifferent."
I do feel things when I listen to music, though. And I really enjoy sleeping. This is really boring me.
I'm fucking hungry and all I have to eat for the next six days are hot dogs and ramen if I don't want to go over budget.
I've already been eating those for the last three days and I'm sick of them.
I feel you… I'm running on ramen, oats, water and coffee from work until Thursday. Stay strong.
I refuse to watch those stupid "cat hater meets/adopts cats" videos. You hated an animal that causes less harm to humans than dogs, you're a real idiot who doesn't deserve to get validiation because you just realized cats are lovely creatures.
wild cats spread disease just as easily as dogs. they're also a resevoir for parasitic alveolates. perhaps they don't often maul humans the way dogs can, but they can decimate local wildlife in areas where they are invasive like New Zealand
I cry at school, I cry at work, I cry at home, I have no interests, I don't have any friends, my relationships with my family are shit, I self-harm and am suicidal, and it's so hard seeing people here also be depressed because it makes me feel weird when I'm in real life because everyone, even girls my age, seem happy and cheery.
I hate how I never get along with my roommate basically each year I've been at uni, and I do nothing wrong. Usually when I complain about something it's for a legit reason, but I always overhear my roommate talking about me on the phone with her bf, saying she avoids me and doesn't go into the bathroom when I'm in there (we share that space). Like, bitch, I did nothing to you and I am the cleanest, quietest roommate ever. It just bothers me because I know she dislikes me for no reason, when I have plenty of reasons to report her for being loud and disrupting my sleep but choose not to be confrontational. I always hoped that I could have at least a nice relationship with my roommates, but they have always ended up thinking I'm weird and disliking me for no reason other than being quiet and shy, I guess? I don't expect for everyone to like me or be friends, but it makes me feel bad because I already tend to be paranoid that no one likes me. lol
My ex is still with the girl he left me for and it makes me want to die. I miss him so badly, and he betrayed me so badly. I don't feel like I'll ever be good enough for someone to truly love me.
I'm trying to change my lifestyle to fit my actual beliefs and fuck it's hard. I'm way more of a hippie liberal tree hugger than I lead on but I've been self loathing for years and never really care about how I lived, just that I survived. Eating only fast food and ramen and using retail therapy always made me feel better at first but worse in the long run. I'm trying to be less consumerist and eat better/more sustainably but it's so fucking hard.
are you getting any treatment?
I'm starting therapy but it's very daunting because I hate having to rehash my entire life. I don't know how it can possibly help.
I'm still trying to get over the piece of shit who made me fall in love with him over the internet. I feel stronger now, but the recent relapse I had was really hard. Fortunately, though, venting to a couple of friends who knew (and dislike) him too made me feel a lot better the next day and until now I've retained that mood.
This affair really fucked me up. I was a complete fool. Of course every bad experience is still experience and you can learn something from it. But if I could forget ONE thing in my entire life forever, it would be the feelings I had (and still have) for him. Or meeting him entirely and everything that happened afterwards. I swear not even my first relationship was as bad as this. At least I knew my boyfriend wasn't cheating or using me; he really loved me as much as I loved him, even if we didn't respect each other. But this guy… he did respect me to some extent, that I thought to be full and unconditional (but turned out that it wasn't), whereas I gave him all my love and respect. I thought it was mutual. He wanted to fuck me, but then kept crossing the "sexual shit only" line and even made me believe we could get married and have children. He was supposed to break up with his manipulative, cheating bitch of a girlfriend. I discovered a few posts where he was anonymously asking for relationship advice (how funny, supposedly he didn't like to talk about his private life to others and that's exactly why neither his mother nor his IRL friends knew about her!) and I wasn't the only one who told him to break up. He was in a codependent relationship (not sure if their STD incident has changed the nature of the relationship, though) and too much of a pussy to leave his girlfriend, so the day he told me he was finally going to do it, he ended up giving the slut another chance, and that's where everything went to shit, since, due to the STD thing, she ended up actually making progress and changing her shitty attitude. Thanks to those posts I found recently, I realized it's not just the fact that I wasn't good enough for him to choose me over her, but also the fact that he was too unhealthily attached to her, that made him leave me, and luckily counters the former as it makes me feel better that he really wasn't good enough for me.
I wish I could destroy his reputation with this drama. That'd make me very happy, but it would also make me a bad person. And… a tiny part of me still wishes to be with him even after all that's happened and even though he probably hates me and thinks as lowly of me as much as I do him.
These thoughts are all so disorganized. There's a lot more I'd like to say about it, but I'm really not feeling like it and it's best to leave it that way for now. It's better to think about it as little as possible.
You two sound like pieces of shit who deserved each other. I have no idea what his girlfriend did for you to hate her so much, but he still chose her over you, you just sound bitter asf.
I don't know his girlfriend, actually. She didn't do anything to me
I became attracted to him and confessed without knowing he was in a relationship, so he told me. But that same night he led me on and wouldn't stop flirting with me even though I asked him repeatedly if he was sure about it. I kept asking him that for days and also asked him not to flirt or say things he didn't really feel, but he kept doing it. I guess the reason I hate her is because he always talked about the things he did with her while we were having our affair. Even after I calmly and honestly told him how it made me feel to listen to those things, he kept doing it. I also hated her before that because she made him suffer and abused him emotionally (according to him). I don't know what I said to come off as a piece of shit like him, since I gave him all my patience, love, tolerance and trust, and he abused it and took advantage of me. I respected him until he just regretted everything, and even after that I tried to not let my feelings drive me mad, until
I discovered those posts, where it was clear that I was just seen by him as a replacement for his girlfriend, and that he talked about her in a fetishistic way.
As I said, I was a fool. Of course it's my fault for being such an idiot and falling into his trap, letting myself be used like that (because he was clearly mad that she had cheated on him and treated him badly, and he was also horny so he used me just to feel better. And in the end he had the nerve to say "it doesn't matter who used whom".).
I might also still
be somewhat bitter because he didn't choose me (because as I said
, there's still a bit of naivete in me that hasn't given up the idea of pursuing a relationship with him, which I'm trying to kill now), but the fact that he's too weak to leave someone who hurts him mercilessly and that his relationship was so dangerous (which I realized just recently) is
a huge reason to stop wanting him.
I'm sorry for the huge rant, if I did something wrong, besides what I mentioned, please tell me why you consider me a piece of shit.
>>12480>At least I knew my boyfriend wasn't cheating or using me
Wrong. He didn't cheat on you, you're the sidebitch. You knew he had a gf he's cheating on (with you) and still did it AND apperantly still don't find anything wrong with that. You're just as bad as him, yet think you deserve sympathy somehow.
>manipulative, cheating bitch of a girlfriend
That's what he said. She's probably just some poor sweet girl whose bf cheated on her with some dumb hoe.
I wish my parents weren’t as mentally ill as I am. Or I had some friends, or the ability to make friends, or the will to attempt to make friends.
Or the bottle to kms.
>>12483>I'm sorry for the huge rant, if I did something wrong, besides what I mentioned, please tell me why you consider me a piece of shit.
You got with a man who was in relationship with someone else, you knew that and even then said a bunch of shitty things about her in your first post. You're shitty.
I don't feel like studying. I want to waste my time – but I also want to study. It's such an uncomfortable feeling.
Nothing feels "real". I feel grey. This is a cloying, sickening thing sliding over me.
Also the tinnitus is bad today. It shouldn't be since it's so mild compared to what other people experience but fuck. It's bad today.
When I said "my boyfriend didn't cheat on me" I was talking about my first boyfriend I had 5 years ago
. What I meant was, "that relationship, although horrible and painful, wasn't as bad as this one.
">his side bitch
Yes, did you seriously think I wasn't aware of that the whole time? Please don't tell me things I already know.>>12489
Yeah, I know what I did, and I don't care about it, honestly (although I didn't want to do it at first once he told me he had a girlfriend already with whom he was probably going to break up, but he didn't care and made me feel as if I could have a chance with him, and even after that I was hesitant but he kept assuring me it was okay
). If that makes me shitty according to you, then I guess we'll have to leave it at that, not like I want or need to change your mind about me, a random stranger. I don't need to apologize to you. Once again
, I know this pain I'm experiencing is partly my
fault. But my feelings were sincere and even though he pretended to be a good person who was giving me back the respect and trust I was giving him (until the very end), it wasn't true. He definitely manipulated me and you can't deny that. Did I let myself be used? Yeah, that's one of the things I did wrong, and I think we both were very open about us using each other at first. But I didn't know I was also
being manipulated beyond
that, you know what I mean?
By the way, I don't hate her nearly as much as I hate him, not do I want or have a reason to (my hate towards her will eventually go away when my lingering feelings die out, if that's what makes you). Once I realized exactly how much of a piece of shit he was, I began to actually feel sorry for her because (*if
what he said about her is true*) he's probably not innocent either and has actually harmed her too.
Whatever. This thread is for venting, isn't it? All in all this is a complicated matter and strangers are prone to judge based on their knee-jerk reactions, which results in hate circlejerks and dogpiling. I don't think that's fair. I want to remain calm, rational and civil.
I feel sad about inability to fix bad things I see in world. That thread makes me sad.
Drink water anon and just fart
>>12495>partly my fault
lol no, why would you think getting involved with a guy that has a girlfriend is a good idea? he would cheat on you too
People will tell you what you deserve to hear. Just because you're in a vent thread it doesn't mean you won't get any posts calling you out. It looks like you wanted sympathy.
the past 6 months has been the first period in many, many years where when i'm online i don't always have an online friend to talk to or somewhere to chat, which sucks. i know it's for the best because i used it as a substitute for real socialization for.. half my life at this point, but i'm still not getting any good real socialization so it just sucks.
Told my friends/classmates I'm not gonna sit in the kitchen/dining area of our dorm with them coz I'm gonna write up notes and stuff.
Currently sat on my bed eating fudge listening to lofi mixes and daydreaming. Not a vent just wanted people to know my secret x
My daughter cut her own hair, I just finished salvaging it into a nice fringe,turn around and she cut it again. Now she looks like a broom. >:[
>tfw feel even worse after a therapy session
>sent my friends messages recently
>now playing the eternal waiting game
Low expectations are the only thing that's keeping me from mass-deleting everyone and ditching all my social accounts. Not saying that my "friends" are shit. They aren't. I'm self-aware enough to know I have most of the blame. This is to be expected yet still I'm bitter.
Want to break up with my boyfriend bc red flags but he's riddled with depression and anxiety and thinks I'm (the only good thing in his life' right now. Feeling trapped and my own anxiety is telling me the only way to get out of it is to kms. Mental illness is absolutely the worst ugghhh
today has been so shitty, anons.
Yesterday I saw a dog next to a staircase, he caught my eye because he looked so majestic with his long golden fur and calm look. He was sitting straight with his kind eyes fixated on me and I even said "look mom, that dog is so beautiful". I've been struggling, feeling stuck in a pit and not being able to experience anything positive or pleasant. Sleeping is hard without pills, waking up is a chore, eating is a chore. But that morning I had the comforting thought that at least there are still some things that I can appreciate, after all.
This morning, right after dragging myself out of the house, my mom pointed out that there was an agonizing dog at the side of the road, probably recently hit by a car. I looked at it and quickly looked away. She found it very important to tell me that it was the dog from yesterday, and that he was bleeding from his head and probably dying in pain. She talked about it the whole time until I arrived at the site of my lecture. Blew up on me when I asked her to please stop. For the rest of the day I couldn't concentrate, there was this heavy feeling creeping into my chest and everything seemed dark and everyone horrible. Then I envied that dog. When I came back, she kindly informed me that there was still blood on the road, and later when she saw a woman crying, she thought out loud "maybe that's the owner". I don’t know why she does this but I am already used to her bringing every terrible thing that happens around to my attention. I thought I was reaching that stable-crappy but tolerable kind of mood but was thrown into the depths again by this event. Every little thing that happens is enough to shatter me. It was not like this before and it elicits feelings of helplessness and embarrassment for being so weak. I'm tired of being shouted at. I'm tired of not being able to hold all my pieces together. Just a mess.
Shortly after posting this I heard police sirens outside my window and my mom ran out the door. She's taking care of some baby cats on the street but we live in a shitty neighbourhood and people are always threatening her and the cats. Someone tried to burn them, the whole piece of land right next to our house was burning. It is the second time this happens. The cats are okay though.
I want out of this place. I'm sorry for the excessively negative posts but this is the only place to vent.
don't worry, everyone has a shitty time once in a while. it will pass, and meanwhile you can be as negative here as you need.
I wish people around me understood that i'm not a "talk/hang out everyday" kind of person since social situations exhaust me, but i cannot be rude and just cut them off and if i told them that i'm not sure they would understand i require some space because after all it's "weird".
I'm drained of energy but keep pushing on for them and i feel like i am reaching my breaking point.
Spent the whole day crying at school because I miss my ex and I'm super depressed, come home and find out about new AC and get super excited and feel happy, Dad is now walking around the house screaming about something. Probably about how much he hates my mom and I
It was, he's mad about all the money he spends on me. Says I'm ungrateful. All cause I haven't gotten a recommendation letter I need yet.
I’d been in an insane depression for years up until summer 2018. I’m in my junior year at this uni, and I’ve been here the first two years too- but I isolated myself completely the first two years, and when I did leave my dorm to get to class I had a good up and bangs that covered my eyes. I didn’t want anyone to remember me when I’d finallt be happy- and it worked.
There was this girl who helped kickstart me into bettering myself. I only knew her for a few months, but I latched onto her because I felt like she was the only thing anchoring me to reality. She was the only one I confided in- the only one that knew I existed. I literally owe her my life. I wouldn’t be here without her- I have no doubt that I would have killed myself. I don’t have any romantic feelings for her at all, btw. She’s just a friend I owe everything to.
I ghosted her before things went particularly downhill in winter 2017-2018. It wasn’t personal- I did it with everyone in a fit of panic. When I finally got a grasp on everything and became happy again, I reached out to everyone again, including her. Things were all good and we agreed to meet up, but I accidentally stood her up twice bc of misunderstandings in meeting times and stuff. She stopped replying completely and I felt too shitty to say anything else.
Anyways, I started my “first“ new semester this year and made a decent amount of friends so far. Somehow while talking to one of these friends, that girl came up- the friend I was talking to said how she had a crush on her and that they had been (sorta, in her words) dating? I was really happy for her and encouraged my friend wholeheartedly, but there’s a part of me that’s dying because I don’t feel like I can properly be friends with that one girl again after fucking up with her (I was kinda shitty during that winter too). I really wish I hadn’t known her during the worst time of my life. I really wish I could start over with her from scratch, so she would only know me as the real happy me and not the shitty depressive thing that lashed out at everyone before. I wish we could be friends- not again, but for the first time.
I forgot to mention this clearly but I tell everyone that I’m new this year and transferred from another uni. Not a single person has recognized me, but I haven’t run into her again yet.
By recommendation letter you mean an approval for a university?
Look, I know this sounds generic af but I think I know exactly how you feel right now.
In 2014 I was trying to be approved to a prestigious university where I live I failed the test because I underestimated it (I used to study in a pretty good school) my parents got really mad and basically I spent 2015 entirely at home studying to retry the test (again I screwed up and wasted my time watching stuff on the internet and reading manga) I ended up almost getting approved but the most frustrating thing is that it was really close… then 2016 comes and the same thing happens
They got REALLY mad and threatened of making me leave home. Then I joined a simpler yet decent college and they eventually relaxed a bit and don't really bother me much anymore.
Eventually things get better.
Depression is hitting hard. I'm physically sick and hate everything.
It's only been two weeks and I already want to kill those little bastards.
All day long I feel like I'm gonna cry or lose my shit, knock the table over and hit one of them. And I work in a rich, quiet, catholic school, they are way far from being the worst kids.
God why did I become a teacher? I feel so trapped.
Your first year of teaching is going to be the hardest. You're learning the culture of the school in addition to learning how to do your job. A lot of teachers I know who ended up loving their jobs say they spent a lot of their first year crying at work. Don't give up, it'll get better.
It was a letter in order to get into a study abroad program. Thankfully I got it today and was finally able to submit my application. It wasn't even like I hadn't asked around for it yet, the professor I asked just hadn't gotten it yet and the application deadline is tomorrow. My dad has anger issues and likes to take it out on my Mom and I and he felt like he was giving me an opportunity he never had and wasn't taking advantage of it. My parents do give me a lot financially but I've always been appreciative of it. College is taking longer than expected and he says there's no end in sight but I DO have the rest of my fucking classes planned out, he just never fucking asked.
Whatever. The application is in and I'll be away from him for a year anyways.
Thank you anon, that's sweet.
It's my second year tho.
All of the problems in my life are caused by my procrastination habits and yet I still can't stop procrastinating no matter how terrible it makes me feel at the end of every day.
what age range are the kids in?
& also do you at least enjoy the subject you're teaching?
Screen Shot 2018-0…
>driving home from work today
>huge line to get into the fairgrounds, literally like three streets worth of cars backed up in the right lane
>i wisely move over to the middle lane
>there's a honkin' big pick-up truck in front of me
>truck dude waits until THE VERY LAST INTERSECTION to try to pull into the right lane in front of all these people who have been waiting for what has to be AT LEAST an hour
not only that but further up ahead in the line i passed a wreck which looked like it had been caused by the exact same behavior. WHY are people such ASSHOLES
Fuck me it's like I aged 10 years since 2016. Bad relationships really took its toll or something.
This is me as well. I just don't have anything I enjoy anymore. Maybe it's a part of getting older? Maybe it's residue depression? I don't know but I am just bored by everything and nothing excites me anymore, not even 10 epackets I ordered from Aliexpress which all arrived in one day.
I think my real mother likes my step brother more than me. He's studying a double major (commerce and mechanical engineering) and recently got a job at this top bank (but not before interning at another big 4 accounting firm). Anyways I wish I could not live at home and see how differently she treats him to me, like I'm never going to have the same ambitions or same desire for some 9-5 office job, I just want to graduate and be left alone by society but because I can't fulfill her perfect daughter role, she doesn't really give much attention to me anymore. She's always asking what he wants to eat, buys food just for him and even declares it right in front of my face. Just today I had to watch him eat these delicious ice cream sandwich things while I had the usual cereal. Sometimes I think if I just didn't exist they would make a happy family, just the three of them.
Having a FWB doesn't mean that they can't complain about not finding someone who is emotionally and physically compatible to them
They can't complain. They are wasting time with a vapid, possibly risky, relationship rather than finding someone they are fully compatible with. Those type of relationships also show a huge lack of self-worth, for both parties involved.
Not everyone puts the same value on sex as you do. Sex is just sex to some people.>rather than finding someone they are fully compatible with
You can still search for someone whilst you have a FWB, hence why it says friend, not boy/girlfriend. There is clearly no commitment.
My current pupils are between 12 and 15. I teach French to little Frenchies.
I am really fond of my subject, which is obviously literature and linguistics, but teaching it in middle school doesn't have much to do with academic knowledge, it is kind of frustrating.
Maybe I'd have more fun with older ones.
I'm always scared of overexplaining or being annoying but
I guess not having my happily ever after with my one and only, its complicated and I can't get into it, it just hurts that its possible for everyone else but not me. This isn't even something that will hurt other people, its wholesome.
I guess like. it hurts that I'm actually a outcast and not someone who's just insecure.
I don't even know if I have a right to complain, I'm pretty sure I do if my line of thinking is "we all have to talk to each other and interact, so hurting and enjoying hurting people hurts everyone by having someone to dehumanize and pick on"
Sorry for the ramble, I guess it makes me feel better if I conceptualize it,
it hurts but w/e I guess.
Sorry for like rambling but
its just my subjective reality is so weird and different from others
I guess I think its special for me only, like only my emotions and my reality mean anything,
I'm thoroughly convinced that sex can be used for more bad than good, like as in taking advantage of someone and they can't escape you. and other people can do it unconditionally without anyone judging them deeply or thinking badly of them, like its normal for them, but forbidden for me. Its contradicting. I guess it presses further that I am a social outcast, and when I do try to reclaim my own sexuality I get called a freak or treated as subhuman, something always goes wrong.
I got called a bitter virgin for this and it made me realize how complicated things really are I guess, that there is a social ranking and other people's reality are far removed from mine.
I also think of serious justice, like someone being mocked for living their life, and dehumanized, often, but it feels hazy and distant. Like I'm part of the problem and contributing but I'm not self-aware enough.
Like I'm self-righteous and think I'm special, and what I say means anything else.
Like I feel like things in general are too casual or everyone is too child-like, but I contribute to it by saying any passive thought I have, like "springy doungy" but in my case its something that pops into my mind, I say it since I more or often just speak my mind.
And people think I'm being lolrandom and shallow, but really it was something out of my control, a passive thought I had to say. I was misunderstood. and I felt like a object.
It kills me inside that my ex won't even acknowledge my existence. From a person who told me I was one of his closest friends and that he cared so much about me, it hurts. It doesn't help that he texted me saying he wanted to be friends again (after a month of breaking up) 3 months ago.
I hate how it affects me so much.
did u have a bit much to drink? it's kind of incoherent
Not really, I don't drink.
I'm also upset I had a one-sided love that didn't work out. it sucks too since I'm sex repulsed and I didn't feel disgusted at us having sex, he was my one exception. Oh well. I'm still a virgin so I can't miss something I never had,
[don't ask, all I'm gonna say is that I understand he has his own self-agency]
I can't believe my friend blew me off when we were meant to watch a movie last Friday instead she went to see the same movie with some guy on Tinder instead. She was then like how about we watch a different movie on Sunday which she blew me off AGAIN because apparently she's visiting her other friend's bf???????? I am just so done with this girl and irl friends but she is like the only friend I have left since I kept ditching every other friendship as soon as it became "toxic" I'm really starting to think it's me?
But I just don't get it, what goes through the mind of someone like that. Like why would you
A) promise your friend a week before to see a movie
B) but then see it the day before, with a guy you've known for like 2 weeks
C) then blow her off again the following day
??? I'm honestly baffled at what goes through her head and starting to think I just can't be arsed with these people, I've tried to hard to be supportive every time she gets a new bf and I listen to her ramblings because I care and want her to be happy but any time I have a guy problem she brushes me off and we go back to talking about her. And it sucks because she knows I'm pretty much a loner and clinging on to her so she treats me however she pleases. GRRRRR
She sounds like a narcissist and she's just using you. Ghost her.
The thing is I've known her for years. YEARS, maybe even a decade.
I'll probably just ignore her for a month because I am that salty :(
I get why it would be hard to cut her off then, especially if you don't have other friends. I hope you can find some good friends that care about you.
She's definitely shitty, but maybe "it's you" insofar as you choose to befriend shitty people?
Also if it's a decades friend, I would tell her what you think. Don't be afraid, what she did is objectively worse and she deserves it. Give her a chance to explained herself too.
Thanks for your concern anon :)
I mean I definitely know why I haven't been making friends and why I'm consistently losing friends, people are just bored of dealing with my sadness and she was one of the few friends who actually stuck by me during my worst times. Although, I honestly thought she was one of the rare ones but then she goes and does something like this.
Maybe she is genuinely sorry as she's trying to invite me to some boat party already, idk. Friendships are hard.
Everything would be resolved if you now answer with "I'd like to come but what if you stand me up at the last moment for some boy again? :["
I really should. That's so passive aggressive, I love it.
Ist it really? Is it not truthfully why you're salty?
(I don't know tbh)
yeah but usually i don't say anything at all & let it slide or ignore them
>vending machine on campus was unlocked
>decided to snag 3 bags of chips for revenge ( because it always fucking got my snacks stuck )
>lose wallet like immediately after
i"m so pissed
i've cancelled my cards and luckily my student id wasn't in there so i can get home but, fuck. i have to go through the tiresome process of getting my insurance card + state id again and i'm fucking irritated lol
that shit is so complicated here
I eventually quit going altogether because it was just upsetting and didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. The sessions were just long enough to rip all my stuffing out but not long enough to sort through any of it or put it back in before I had to leave. Not a very good mindset for trying to drive home, and I didn't fancy making a display every time sitting in the parking lot crying it out either. So I said fuck it. It didn't feel like it was helping. It was starting to feel like talking was just making everything worse and not providing insight at all.
Anybody reading this who feels like they're at that same point, just know that it's okay to take a break from therapy for a while. If you're not ready to do that, at least let the therapist know you don't feel like you're being helped and that you'd like to either try other treatment modalities or get referred to someone else.
>Started a company with 3 guys, we all agreed to be equal.
>I worked hard and made the pitchdeck that would land us the investment.
>Suddenly I am told the investor needs to "know me more". The 3 men in our company all get shares but I am told to wait.
>Investor hangs out with them outside work, invites them to his sons weeding. But not me.
>Makes no effort to "get to know me"
>Even though I have the most experience of the bunch I daily have to prove my worth.
>When I do, and I do it often, the guys take credit for it.
>I get the nerves to ask them for my damn shares. Threaten to leave. It's a struggle to get HALF of what they got…
>Also realize they secretly pumped their own pay, i now earn less than them…
I have 15 years experience in companies bigger than this one. The 3 of them each have 3-5 years. And still they constantly doubt me.
Meritocracy my ass.., More like mantocracy…
I mean, what did you expect, with the #metoo shit it's impossible for men to be in the same room as a woman
How the fuck do you let yourself be walked all over like that? I would have left the moment I didn't get any shares, especially since it was agreed upon before. Everything what happened afterwards is just logical progression of having a work mule who will do everything for nothing.
You're a dumbass with no backbone, that's why your "partners" get what they want and you don't.
ok so my wallet was actually at home on my bed
i just cancelled all my cards for no reason…i'm penniless until like next week or so
just fuck it all
So double karma? I feel you though girl
….done something similar.
Laugh it off if you can
>friend whom I love is melancholic over no qt gf again
Fucking end me, at this point just stopping talking to him isn't a realistic option as it's the only thing I look forward to in life and preferable to being lonely all the time plus we're involved in a mutual large scale project I can't bring myself to abandon either. I'm usually perfectly happy to be able to chat with him but I switch to feeling like an ugly piece of shit for days on end the moment he brings up the topic of cute girls and his futile attempts to win them over. As whiny as it probably sounds I wish I had any sort of external validation, maintaining a healthy self image seems to border on impossibility without it.
why does hearing your friend discuss his troubles make you feel sad?
oh idk maybe for the exact reason she wrote?
She just said that she loves him (no indication of whether she means in a romantic or platonic sense) and that she is distressed when he complains about his dating life. Does this mean she attracted to him but cannot confess? Does it mean she was turned down by him previously? There are few details provided for the reader to understand her emotions with.
That sounds agonizing, I'm so sorry. You know him better than I do, so please please feel free to ignore me if I'm off base here, but he sounds either incredibly dense or like he's given up on you because he assumes you don't see him in a romantic way. Have you tried being a bit more direct with him about your feelings so he knows he can go for it without being rejected by you and also ruining your friendship and the project you're both working on?
Going off of my own experiences, I'd never date anyone I worked with. The last thing I want in the event of a breakup is to have to come back to work the next day and see him. Maybe this guy takes a similar approach.
Why is it that being friendly and polite comes naturally to me but for some people it's actually tied to serious efforts?
My man just came to me and asked me to do something in a nice manner, and I could feel the effort it took him, and knew I now had to notice and appreciate and thank him for doing so, and he was happy and relieved because his efforts were noticed.
I mean that's nice but…
I actually had to go great lengths to thank someone to treat me with basic respect.
Why is my life like this.
It cost me nothing, I agree, and I can pull the old social engineering/Pavlov conditioning trick to just go overboard with praise and appreciation whenever he does something the way I want it, but I feel this would devalue and disrespect him. I mean apparently he feels respected when I do that(???) , I just feel that I have to resort to treat him like a toddler.
Where is the mistake in thinking?
Being nice and friendly comes naturally to me as well and I know your feel when it comes to other people not feeling the same way. I think a lot of people lack personality and have to resort to being nice as a personality trait to sell yourself. It's the "niceguy" modus operandi
I don't think you're in the wrong here, your dude just needs to develop himself, mature a little maybe, those two things can come in tandem
Yeah I really hope he does - he at least makes serious efforts, what is more than most people can claim anyway.
You're right, I also heard him say once that he assumes most people are only nice because it brings them benefits. That's terrible, but I think he's right :(
Now that I've woken up and gone back to reread my own frantic nightpost I realize it may have been vague. I do love him romantically but was turned down 2,5 years ago.>>12954
Thanks very much for your concern anonette. I guess you're right about him being dense as he probably either assumes I must've gotten over it by now or simply underestimates how much he meant to me in the first place, I know he's not actively trying to hurt me. Thankfully (or not?) though we do not share a workplace in the conventional sense, the project is not so much a job as it is a brainchild of his that I think has lots of potential and decided to commit to helping him with. As I've contributed a lot so far my leaving would likely have a huge impact, not to mention I wouldn't want to quit even if my relationship with him weren't a factor since I actually enjoy working on it, it motivates me to not only be productive but also share my work with the outside world, which would be incredibly difficult for me under any other circumstances.
>seriously stressed out about life, education, plans, etc.
>feel like I want to vent to my 2 close friends about it
>messaged them that I want to cry & vent and they plan to come the next Friday
>today, making plans to come over and play d&d tomorrow in a group chat with another friend who I'm not so close to
>heart broke because does not know why plans changed
>does not have the heart to say no nor say I want to exclude friend because I want to vent
I really don't want to message them as I feel that I might make the problem bigger than it is… I'll probably suck it up and play with them. All I just wanted is a physical shoulder to cry on and be hugged while just crying… I'm so selfish.
Don't feel bad, the abrupt change from your expectations (vent session) to a more mixed friend group is normal to be upset about.
I would think it's because the less-close friend is also into d&d so they wanted to include them, or the people planning it aren't aware of your discomfort talking about personal things with others.
In any case, you should try to arrange for a way to vent and have a cathartic cry, maybe stay later after the other friend leaves and have some food?
I think you should still play the campaign since socializing and taking your mind off stressors is also helpful. I hope things work out!
I'm glad then because I do not want to appear or be selfish towards my close friends as they have done so much for me and feel like the older siblings I never had.
I wish I can, but I whenever I'm alone for some reason I tend to hold back. I don't cry alone often, but when I do cry I feel lonely. As with my friend, he almost always a lingerer and stays till he is the only one left. I'm still a little scared to message and say my feelings, but if I'm early with the meetup then maybe I'll let them know if we finish early or decide to stop to maybe stay longer.
You're right, playing will help keep my mind off things. Except right now I have to come up with 2 characters which isn't all that bad. Thank you so much anon, this made me feel better!
i'm really upset with one of my friends right now.
i met him several years ago and even though we didn't live in the same state (I was on vacation) we hit it off so well that we exchanged phone numbers and kept in contact ever since. he says at the time that he would have been willing to be in a relationship with me, but i didn't want a LDR so I thought it was better that we just stay friends.
About a year or two ago, he met this other woman in his city who's the same social class as he is (both are from old money) and they got engaged. but apparently this other woman is really insecure about the friendship that he has with me, and–to be fair, he's made some romantic statements towards me since getting engaged that I think would make her pretty upset to hear. he's told me that he's had fights with his fiancee over me, because she wants him to completely cut contact and he values our friendship too much to do so. i've told him to be practical and just do what she says, but apparently during one of these fights he even gave her my phone number and she left a voice mail on my phone this week requesting that I be the one to cut contact because he won't. This was after I told him that I didn't want to come between him and his impending marriage, and that it would be better for us to both just not speak to one another for a while so that his fiancee could have some peace of mind and I wouldn't interfere with his life plans.
but he keeps sending me texts and pictures and it's like being baited. i don't want to be the bad guy, i don't like drama, but i really miss talking to him, too. i've cried so much over this and i feel so stupid for being this upset, but it's either stop being friends with him or ruin his relationship with his fiancee and thus his social connections and political aspirations.
i'm just not responding anymore.
I'm a massive racist and I'm afraid of being open about it.
1. If I find a guy that assumes I'm normal and I reveal that I hate blacks and jews he might be scared away.
2. If I find a guy that knows I'm a racist, there's a higher chance that a large part of his personality will be based around hating minorities, rather than being able to live a normal life.
Lmao what is that pic?
Instead of being more open about it, there is a very easy, more simple solution you could try.
How about try to not be so racist?
You don't look very white, for a racist.
It's not really a choice, to be completely honest. I live in SoFlo. It's much easier to not be racist if you live in an area with no minorities, but if you live near them you see how they act.
I think it's hilarious that you seriously suggest "have you tried not being a racist" though, got a giggle out of me
>>13077>implying people who aren’t white can’t be racist
If only you knew
>>13075>I don't see color, stereotypes are blatantly false instead of being mild exaggerations of the truth, lalalala I can't hear you
To talk to the mods you need to use the report button but tbh there's nothing wrong in carrying a wallet instead of a purse, what the fuck?
I never said there was anything wrong with it. I only asked why a wallet was chosen over a purse
There's an anime club at our University but it only has meetings in the evening. I was excited to finally be able to get that classic weeb experience, but I live too far away from the uni to come back 7 hours after my classes end. I don't like being out when it's dark.
You’re weird, I have a wallet for my cards and stuff, I’m not gonna just stick it all in my bag/purse.
I just burned a bridge with one of my friends but it's been a long time coming. Still, I cried last night and couldn't sleep. We hadn't been that close for awhile and I know I'm not perfect, but what she did really sucked and I finally freaked out over it as an excuse to end the friendship more than anything. Should've just ghosted her and let the friendship slowly die. I'm not meant to be confrontational. Lol
some guy off tinder says he wants to be cuddle buddies, is this really what he wants or is this just a disguise for him to try something more?
No guy has ever told the truth about that.
You can always go by the meme route. Many people online like to joke edgy jokes about gaschambers and nazi frogs, so maybe ease the guy you meet with those memes and at some point reveal they're not all ironic memes.
im more afraid he's going to rape me
I mean, it's entirely possible. He's definitely going to try to have sex.
idk how I got such horrid fat distribution
if you only saw my face, you'd think I'm overweight/obese
the only way my face resembles that of a regular bmi is when i'm underweight
it's like i have skeleton with an obese face
i'm never going to gain weight because i'd look obese
how do i make myself okay with this horrid part of me
I miss my ex whos done bad things to me and I keep fucking up at my new job so im scared of getting fired
5'4'', 94 lbs (i keep on binging then restricting so my weight ranges from 93 to 96, i feel gross)
> it's like i have skeleton with an obese face
OK, I'm not laughing at your situation but this sentence made me laugh so hard
I don't want to say you're wrong, but it's entirely possible you're just looking at yourself in a way that no one else does
How does someone with 15 years of work experience get so obviously worked over
(Time for my
IT is chock full of women like this, and they make the rest of us women in IT look bad and make is hard for us to advance or even be taken seriously.
I am working with one just like
her right now.>degree from an average uni, but not certs>8 years of literal first line help desk work which she pimps as 'working with a fortune 500 company's cutting edge IT department' but means 'I spent 16,000 hours resetting passwords over the phone, never took a class, never got a cert, and never earned a promotion'.>Moved to a tiny local company with a 4 person IT department where she got a sysadmin job title but spent another 8,000 hours resetting people's passwords and installing anti-virus>Has a LinkedIn entry as co-founder of an IT startup where she was head of development for 4 more years. The company has a website but no press releases, no stock, and no products for sale. Interestingly enough, she was still working as a sysadmin at company #3 (another SMB) at the same time - so she and her two fed-up friends incorporated, built a website, and dreamed big all while still working frontline helpdesk and never creating a functional product for sale>Gets hired into an actual startup along with a bunch of the rest of us. She makes a great slide deck, her grammar and punctuation are tops, and she owns a dress and matching heels, so she's doing the preso for the first round of funding. The 3 guys that did the core coding and the 9 people they hired to develop it into a functional product with market potential all own cargo shorts and have $3 haircuts, including the women, and are too busy coding>Since she's doing the preso she gets a Director title on her business card and she attends money meetings (God knows she can't fucking code). She is making entry coding money (which is more than she made as a help desk/sysadmin) and gets to expense lunches, so she's thinking she's a manager.>The core guys already are incorporated and have the shares all split and are ready for equity funding>Slidedeck girl is suffering delusions she's getting equity for making a preso while wearing a pushup bra
After funding she's gonna' squawk about being a director but not making a much money as the actual directors. And after the equity investors come in she is gonna' scream
about not having any stock.
And the founders are going to look at her with contempt as they fire her clueless ass. And then when they see me and the other women coding our asses off they're gonna' have that wary 'is she
gonna' freak out, too?' look in their eyes.
And the low-level guys will tell jokes about 'the female "Director" we used to have' for fucking years.
And she'll go buy some wine and tell all her friends,
'But I have 14 years experience! I helped found a startup!'.
[Yeah, I'm mad]
>>13067she keeps fucking calling me
I don't know what to do. I told him that I wasn't talking to him again, but I keep getting messages from his fiancee now saying 'every time it's implied there's something wrong he gets all riled up and i would like to work on our relationship without you being involved'
BITCH I DON'T WANT TO BE
INVOLVED. I haven't talked to him since I said, 'I'm not going to call you again', why is it my fault that he's not letting go of this issue?
i hate men.
That's the sad thing. After 15 years this is my first chance at owning company shares. You have no idea how hard it is to even be considered a co owner in my industry(gamedev).
I enjoy my day to day job, I have a great team and hired both great men and women… Owning a share in a million dollar company is huge deal.Thats why i stay to fight… It's my one chance… I built the company as much as they did, its my baby too…. But the closer i get to the top, the harder the top fights me.The more uneven it gets.
Gosh, almost like some sort of transparent hard surface gets in the way…
I'm not happy with my boyfriend but don't wanna break up because I'm scared of hurting him. Why does my brain think that his feelings are more important than mine?? It's been a year which feels long but actually maybe isn't that big of a deal. Desperately trying to find the stones to call it off.
I cannot take the sadness anymore.
I talk to people and i still feel lonely, i search for support and only find pain, i give only to not receive anything.
I'm exhausted of being a drain on people and society, sometimes i wish i could just disappear.
Could it be that it is some kind of mild swelling or water retention going on?
i got to work yesterday (retail) just to get called into the office bc there are somehow 700 FUCKING BUCKS missing in my cash register (we all have individual ones) and i have no fucking clue how this could even be.
my boss asked me if i did something wrong once and didn't tell her but there's no, NO fucking way i somehow managed to lose/overlook 700 bucks in the span of two weeks. my boss was really sweet tho and tried to calm me down bc i was obv. panicking and playing over every interaction i've had with customers that paid with a lot of cash but….
i just can't wrap my head around it. it doesn't make sense since im always rly careful when giving customers their change and im just… lost.
i've been working there for a month and now this happens. idk what to do, i hope they find out that it's been a system-error and the cash is somehow in the safe or im gonna have to live with this huge fucking failure for life (and have it in my resume, probably)
often times it's a co-worker stealing out of your register or after the money is taken from your register
god i don't even want to imagine that?? we have password for our registers but they're only 3 digits long and i guess some co-workers have seen me type it in once in a while but… i can't believe they'd steal out of it.
well, either way, i'm going to change the pw and just keep on doing my job… nothing i can do about it.
anons, i'm off work now.
do i call her back? and what do i even say if i do?
how do i navigate this situation without completely throwing my friend under the bus?
Tomorrow i have to meet with my therapist, only to tell her i have made 0 improvements over the points we went through, meds are barely working, i'm depressed as ever, actually self harmed and my anxiety is through the roof.
Cannot wait, girls.
>>12833>start a company>don’t have shares
As in “that makes no fucking sense” huh?
Did the 4 of you create a Corporation or an LLC ‘start a company’ or did you all talk in a coffee shop every Thursday ‘start a company’?
Because if you actually, legally ‘started a company’ you’d have shares/equity BEFORE you looked for investors and you couldn’t be cheated after the fact. An actual, legal entity, company has defined roles and usually defined salaries BEFORE you look for investors.>gamedev >made a slide deck
Do you code? Write dialogue?
do you have projections about how your therapist might react to this (e.g., disappointed, annoyed, etc.)? This is like the cheat code of therapy – share your feared/hoped for projections with your therapist, it helps so much to deal with that shit in-the-moment. Try it out, it has helped me so much in therapy.
>hate my face and love my face at different points in the same day
>features are amorphous in my eyes for some reason, especially my face shape
>no idea how I actually look
MAKE IT STOP OR AT LEAST LET ME ACCEPT MY UGLINESS WHEN I FEEL THAT WAY
Anyone deal with Queen Bee syndrome? I swear to god it has followed me my entire life. In school, the 'dominant' female in my friend groups would be friendly to my face and then talk so much shit behind my back that everyone would avoid me. At work, my female co-worker talked my boss out of letting me do a job that I loved to do and no one else liked, and made me jump through so many hoops for a certain privilege, more than my male co-workers had to do, then referred to my boss that I basically wasn't good enough to receive said privilege. She had me working so much harder than my other co-workers that I got burnt out and quit. I keep getting kicked out of online groups over one chick's petty gripes with me. Once I had even gone well out of my way to be nice to, compliment, spend time with and even befriend the person who was trying to get everyone else to hate me, and it didn't work (she still stalks a dead social media account of mine and shit talks me to her friends to this day, even after 5 years of not talking to her because she successfully kicked me out.). I tried playfully teasing back, and that just gets me ostracized faster. I must be retarded, I can not for the life of me make good friends with women, only acquaintance at best. At least some men will be cordial with me, but it seems like if there is one chick in a mix everything turns sour? I'm not sure.
I know I'm meek and I don't stand up for myself and I need to work on that. I'm also quiet and when I do speak, I get straight to the point with little bullshit. Maybe my briskness makes me come off as an uncaring asshole? Maybe when I talk to people it feels like I'm prying to them? I feel like I've tried just being myself, being nice and being a dick and nothing works
I'm so exhausted of being there for everyone and not having anyone be there for me.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa it's one of those nights.
I'm horny and sad and i want a cute boyfriend.
I feel so lonely.
I know that feeling too well, my Xeno friendo.
i've got this pal that's having a blast at his uni in england or wherever ( something called freshers week? ) and feeling a bit jealous/sad
since i'm stuck at community and bored, tired, and lonely, and he's apparently kissed like 2 girls and 3 guys already
life sucks. wish i'd studied in highschool
I feel resentful of my friend because he is so much more successful than me. I honest to god feel truly jealous of someone for the first time in my life. He has no student loans to pay off because of his GI bill from his dad, his mom and dad supports and loves him and he comes from a single-child household, he has two decent paying jobs and is already in university making strides to graduate.
Meanwhile, I dropped out of community college because of transportation issues and other reasons, no one will hire me for even entry-level jobs because of my own fuck ups and the fact others are simply more qualified than I am, my mom and dad raised me like shit and very much resent me, the house I live in is also filthy and filled with roaches and cracked walls, I also have untreated schizophernia and bipolar disorder which is wrecking my life. Fuck.
I'm 20 and he's 22 which makes things worse. I'm fucking failing in life and obviously amounting to nothing. I honestly want to fucking kill myself.
I never whine about this and I have been holding all of this in for years but I can't keep it in anymore. This is whiny as fuck but I honestly have no place to go. It's obvious my life isn't going to be shit after this. I have gained so much weight from self-medicating by eating… obviously it isn't fucking working well so I need other options.
I live with every race and I have became a severe misanthrope, not a half-hearted racist.
It makes me pissed off to hear girls write or speak ill of shy spergy guys. Even worse is when the open minded and tolerant girls who host artsy feelgood tumblrs do the ill speaking. It's fine fine be angry and disgusted of individual behavior if it's bad behavior, but I don't like it when they talk about how girls should avoid all autistic guys.
I have thought about telling my little brother not to tell about his autism diagnosis to girls but I don't want him to think there is something to be ashamed in him. He has mild asperger syndrome and it's not obvious at all. I don't want him to get bullied or rejected because of stigma.
I want my boyfriend to break up with me. I can't get myself to do it. Please, do it already please!
i hate those moments where i feel fresh and happy to be alive, or where potential just gets me hype, i don't know what those moments are, but anyway i hate them because when they're gone i feel depressed
when i remember my situation and who i am i just feel depressed
i don't know why i randomly just feel good
No, and I'm also not a hateful bitch.
To be fair dealing with autistic people can be very difficult. I would not blame anyone for rejecting someone because they were autistic.
I'm talking about general hate and stigma that makes perfectly fine but shy boys shut in forever. Rejecting someone for having behavior that you don't find good is perfectly fine and it applies to anyone autism or no autism. But there are girls who go "eww" when geek guy they would otherwise think as perfect turns out to be on spectrum.
How would you deal with a rather toxic person who's hoping to remove you from a friendship circle by spreading bad rumors about you?
I can't outwardly explain this to the others but a few of us outside of the circle know it's because she was jealous of her partner and me being friends and has insecurity issues. Do I just be myself and not rise to her bait? A few of us are finding her really extreme but I don't want to be mean to her about it or fight with her.
It's eating at me because it's like she expects the rest of the group to be angry at me but they don't know the entire truth which is that her boyfriend was venting a lot to me about their problems and that she's very controlling and posessive of him. A few outside of the group who do know them are also aware of this too.
Do I just let life work its course and remain above it? My two best friends who ALSO know her and the situation are convinced that she's doing this out of jealousy and spite and her boyfriend suddenly isn't allowed to be friends with me either. I told her I think this is unhealthy and she's trying to make me out to be some terrible bad guy for simply saying what other people are noticing or have noticed.
It's like as soon as anyone notices the truth she's determined to get rid of them or something…am I really such a bitch for noticing this and thinking wow, that's really unhealthy? They were both venting to me about each other and putting me in an awkward position and I was also around them during this tension. Now the boyfriend is suddenly backtracking and insisting everything's fine between them to defend her even though I know they argue constantly and she sees him being friends with other females as a problem and she is incredibly passive aggressive and guilt tripping towards him.
if it's not obvious, he shouldn't have to tell anyone.>>13413
i think that the reason why that stigma exists is that when a guy has to tell you that they're autistic, they're usually using it to excuse bad behavior. like 'oh, i understand that what i did was socially unacceptable, but you have to excuse me for it because i'm autistic'. they don't actually apologize for what they did or learn from it, they just say, 'well i'm diagnosed with autism so i can't help my behavior'. I know plenty of autistic people who have learned the basics of social conduct and are perfectly pleasant to be around, so when i see others acting in a grossly inappropriate manner and then blaming their autism, i don't buy it.
this is remarkably similar to my own situation and i would also like advice.
the thing i ended up doing was just cutting ties with both of them. in that situation, the only advice i'd be able to give my friend is to end that relationship, and to do so would just make me more of a hated target for his gf. plus it's not my place to interfere. i don't mind letting him vent to me, but if he's unhappy in the relationship, he has to be the one to take responsibility for his actions and choose to end it.
so yeah, i lost a friend. i wish it hadn't come to that but honestly i have no idea how to solve that problem for anyone else except myself, which means bowing out and letting them deal with their relationship in a way that doesn't affect my life.
I don't know either of them as well as I know the others, but she seems to not want anyone to be around me and she's spreading some really vicious things about me which I'd never do. Both my best friends have insisted this is probably to cover her own ass and avoid her unhealthy and toxic actions and habits and I can't say I disagree.
The boyfriend was saying he was here for me and knew I was good but then she made him block me so I guess he bailed anyway. I don't have time for this level of drama over an attempt to tell her "your bf is my friend and that doesn't mean you should guilt trip him because I'm a girl"
I've met people before who did this kind of gossip-mongering to try to make other people look bad and in the end all it did was make the people who were witnessing it not trust them. don't worry about her.
tbh in my situation i was more disappointed with my friend. no matter how he said that he'd stand up for me, in the end he basically was like 'well i gotta do what my girlfriend says…maybe you two should work it out?'
And when someone is so jealous that they can't stand the idea of their boyfriend being friends with another woman, I don't think there's really anything you can do to negotiate with that type of person.
There are probably people out there who would say it's selfish to abandon your friend in what sounds like a shitty relationship, but he has to be the one to choose to get out of there, you aren't responsible for that. Just do what you can to preserve your own peace of mind.
He doesn't need to shout it to everyone but I think it's very important for him to accept his situation and be honest about it. It is part of him and will be for all his life. Stigma also exists because of mean jokes. How many people know memes about autism? Everyone, but how many people know a single autistic person? There are more non autistic people than there are actual autistic people, much more, and people sometimes dislike those who are different.
Most autistic women aren't honest about it and they manage to fake their lives as being 'normal' pretty well. why should we make excuses for men?
Yes, sometimes people dislike those who are different, but that can apply to literally anything. You could get bullied for having red hair, or for being fat, or for being too into a certain series of books or cartoons. So why should we have to put autistic people on a pedestal like 'oh, how they suffer for being different'?
Should I just let time do its thing and continue my life? I feel if this circle of friends do know me well enough they'll eventually see the entire truth.
I can't imagine anyone rationally thinking someone as controlling as her is justified but I've heard she's good at hiding that from them.
Do you think in the end the truth will come out alongside her true colors?
Currently lying to both my (seperated) parents about attending university. If my mum wasn't so nice I'd just kms.
yes. at least in the last case of someone i knew that made a habit of doing this, they ended up having to leave town because of how many bridges they burned and how bad of a reputation they developed.
it may take some time but people wise up to their shit after a pattern starts to emerge.
I dunno how you can assert something like that if you are a woman, because that is so obviously untrue, which is pretty apparent to most women.
it's called 'camouflaging' and it actually seems to indicate that women naturally have a higher level of social cognition and self-awareness than autistic men are capable of, kek
>>13431>bullied for having red hair
In middle school maybe. There are gals that specifically like guys with red hair. Bullying of autistics extends into adulthood and I've never had a friend express preference for autistic men.
Being fat is a personal choice.
>being too into a certain series of books or cartoons
Have never heard of someone being bullied for being into books past the age of 12. Certainly not past high school.
These are in no way comparable to autism; autism is not an interest and it isn't something you can opt out of. >>13393
Is right to be concerned; 9% of autistic men get married compared to 50% of neurotypical men. Odds are good little bro will end up alone.
The worst attempt I've ever seen
btw do yall ever get tired of being retarded fucks reeeeing on the internet about how much you hate women. sounds like such a chore. sigh
i was just listing the most common things i've seen people get bullied for, but sure, it's rare for bullying to go on outside of high school or the internet. this also applies to autism, especially because it's not a visible disability. the only way you will get bullied for being autistic is specifically if you tell
people you have autism, and even then most people will not dislike you for that. If they dislike you, they will dislike you for your behavior– like this i'm-a-pitiful-helpless-victim attitude, for example– especially if you refuse to correct the behavior after being told you're being insufferable, and try to cite autism as an excuse for why you can't comply to social expectations. i get having low self-esteem as a result of a disability, but the solution is to learn to work with and around the disability instead of wallowing in it.
>Now compare that to what a woman has to do to get a boyfriend
>when the guy from the paragraph I wrote above comes to ask you if you want to go out with him, say "yes"
If you really think this is the case then you need to go out more. You think a 9/10 model looking guy is gonna go out with a 3/10 obese chick just because she has a vagina?
>female demonstrates the capacity to recognize thinly-veiled bait and the self-restraint not to respond to it
>'w-women are just too dumb to argue with meeeeeee'
That wasn't what OP was talking about.
She says> It's fine fine be angry and disgusted of individual behavior if it's bad behavior, but I don't like it when they talk about how girls should avoid all autistic guys.
> If they dislike you, they will dislike you for your behavior
If a guy admits that he's autistic do you think he's going to do well, even if he acts relatively normal? No. Lots of girls and guys have are very biased against it. That's OP's point.
if you don't tell someone that you are autistic and you act relatively normal, nobody will know that you are autistic and you will not face discrimination. that's my whole point. see >>13424
. This is just tiring to look at. Go to bed or something.
Anonymous Moderator 13464
Please stop engaging the guy, just report and ignore.
nyart but people with autism are still likely to be ostracized or avoided for being “weird.” i saw an anon in another thread say she rejected a guy who was autistic (she didn’t know) because he spoke like a “serial killer.” it’s difficult for a lot of autists to fake normalcy but i do agree that if you outright tell people you just met that you have autism, you’re kind of asking for negative attention.
Can you describe the negative attention in more detail?
I wouldn’t know from personal experience but I do think that the general public’s perception of autism is kind of flawed. I think when most neurotypicals hear the word “autism,” they’re not going to imagine a semi-well-adjusted adult. They’ll probably think of some tard kicking and screaming on the floor. I feel like if you tell someone who hasn’t gotten to know you about your diagnosis, they’ll probably think of you differently, and not in a good way.
You might need to tell someone at some point. If autistic man meets a girl, it's going to come up sooner or later.
Your dismissive attitude towards this subject is quite concerning.
Like, do you really not understand the reason it's called a mental disability is because the people with them CAN'T just act completely normal? That they don't just pretend to have a defective brain and can choose on a whim whether or not it affects them? And as a person above me said, even if you're good at hiding it is it really a realistic expectation to hide it for your entire life? Especially from your girlfriend? Is that even moral to hide that from someone in a committed relationship with you? Like, the way you try to put the blame on him as if it's his fault he's autistic is just so low.
So yeah, to the original girl who mentioned her brother with autism, he shit out of luck. The odds of him finding a girl who would accept, tolerate, or apparently simply understand his problem are slim to none. Incel life for him.
I am like this. Now love or hate me forever.
That's what you are saying, right?
It's getting so hard to not self-harm again, i try to keep my hands distracted but "just cut you'll feel better" it's eating away at my brain.
Autistic people can improve, mild autists can become almost normal. But they will always be autistic. Social things can be learned, but there is also the sensory issues and things that make them experience the world from different point of view. Those things cannot be trained out. Attempts to disguise autism so that petty hateful bitches will not bully you out of life is so backwards. You don't need to date autists if you don't want to, you don't need to date anyone ever if whor whatever personal reason, but for heaven's sake stop talking about autists like they're subhumans.
the original poster, if you had bothered to read, said>He has mild asperger syndrome and it's not obvious at all.
'not obvious at all' means that yes, he can pass for normal. and there's nothing wrong with 'hiding it' if by what you mean by 'hiding it' isn't introducing yourself with a list of 'hi i'm anon and here's everything that's wrong with me' and expecting it to go over swell. even if autism wasn't on that list, people see that kind of behavior as a red flag.>>13488
tbh the people who are claiming that autists can never learn to camouflage in order to avoid bullying, and will always be bullied by neurotypical people, are the ones who are treating them like they're subhuman. everyone else itt is the one who's saying 'nah you can live normally, it's not that bad'.
very frustrated right now
>looking for a job all summer
>finally find one
>pays pretty well (+$2 upgrade from my last job)
>they literally pay me for 1/2 of the hours I worked the first two weeks
>then cut me down to 4 hours per week
everyone else at this job is either married, living with their boyfriend or have extra income coming in from a gig like >singing at retirement homes. I have NOBODY helping me, but I thought this was going to be enough to keep me going, instead I'm just fucked. Now I have to find a second job (while also being unable to confirm my hours–they're decided on a week-by-week basis) and trying to work in my doctor's appointments at the same time.
Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to just die.
trying to cut candy out of my diet but it's hard
otherwise, apart from a few snickers each week i think i've been eating somewhat healthful
probably not getting enough veggies
Try replacing it with fruit if you like that. Or switch it for dark chocolate.
You seem to be doing well if you've already cut down, though. I hope you become even more successful!
This is really boring but w/e, I just need to get these thoughts out of my head
I recently moved to a new city and basically have no friends, but a guy from one of my classes asked me out for drinks last weekend (with some of his other friends) and we ended up befriending each other just from talking that night- we had deep talks about our lives, found out we have a lot of the same interests, etc.
He just asked me to hang out again this weekend and I'm excited but also confused. I've had a boyfriend for 5 years (the friend knows this), but he still wants to hang out and for some reason that confuses me. I guess I'm just weirded out that he's a guy, yet it's been difficult for me to maintain friendships with any girls, even the ones I see every day for work.
I'm not even sure where my skepticism comes from. It probably just stems from social anxiety and my dumb friendless ass.
It's not impossible that he might be a homewrecker, or that he feels he's some kind of anime protagonist who will steal away the heart of the maiden despite her existing commitment
Don't be pessimistic, just be wary! I hope he's none of that and actually just a nice person
My intership sucks so much, there is literally nothing to do and while most of my colleagues are nice there is one man child who argues with everyone. I have to stay here for atleast 4 more months and they don't give me anything to do and they don't teach me either.
reminds me of a 6 month internship at a hospital I had. was really fun but there was one guy with a caffeine addiction causing nonstop spasms, reeked of literal shit and had a really punchable face
I agree with other anon, keep your wits about you but also have fun. It is actually possible for straight men and women to be just friends.
t. all of my friends are straight guys who (confirmed) wouldn't date me
i just want a job that i can work fridays - sundays that doesn't require me to speak with people or interact with them past a professional level ( not customer service or retail, i'd die and have died )
why is it so hard to find? i only require 10 bucks an hour
I wish I could get a part time job that didn't require talking to people. I used to work at a movie theater and the people who just went and cleaned the theaters had the easiest job ever, I was very jealous and loved it the few times I got to do it. I would usually be stuck in concessions repeating a script and having to deal with all sorts of people.
Nietzsche-sensei Konbini ni, Satori Sedai no Shinjin ga Maiorita
You could try night-stocking or file maintenance at a retail store. File maintenance is changing prices and places new price tags on shelves. But, as I said, it's mostly night work.
Or you could try being a security guard who largely just checks cameras and does perimeter checks. But again, mostly night work.
I've been caught in the middle of a fight between friends and i'm incredibly tired of it, because both sides seem to want to use me to get what they want from the other.
They try to involve me more than i should and it feels ridiculous and childish, just because i'm mostly a neutral person that tries to be friends with everyone, they think they can manipulate me or can decide for me.
This one friend, basically, he got mad at me for continuing to speak with the other one and said he couldn't trust me anymore unless i spoke about what the other friend was saying (manipulative as fuck and it pissed me off), the other also keeps hoping i talk dirt about him and keeps nudging me to get "information" about him, just because i am close to him.
It feels incredibly childish, we are all adults nearing our thirties but this is worse than high-school, i'm tired of this drama and how immature this whole bullshit is, and i'm tired of both sides thinking they can use me to feed their egotistical drama hungry minds, i'm very close to imploding because this whole thing is so fucking retarded and i'm tired of being a part of it when i have nothing to do with either of them fighting except that i am friends with both of them.
I made the love of my life absolutely despise beyond redeption because im a piece of shit mentally ill waste of space.
I have severe depression and this basically destroyed me, ive been planning my suicide since i woke up.
He hates me and its all my fault and im so fucking disgusting i deserved to be killed and my body to be throw in a ditch and never indetified because i dont deserve a funeral.
Hey anon, it will be okay, please don't die, everything has a solution in this life and problems will pass.
What happened? Want to talk about it?
We are here for you.
I was in a years long relationship, and I got cheated on. A friend reached out to me and said she'd treat me better. A few months in she got depressed and stopped paying attention to me, then dumped me a couple of weeks ago because she said she was too depressed.
I feel really worthless and unlovable. I'm terrified of the same thing just happening again. I'm tired of getting tossed aside. I'm sick of falling in love with people who can take or leave me. I just want someone to care about me like I care about them but I feel so stupid for wanting it. Everyone keeps telling me "that's just how lesbian relationships go", but surely there's another girl out there like me. This sucks.
I'm so sad that today was the last episode of My Hero Academia! There's gunna be a season 4 but wtf am I gunna do on my Saturdays now.
you can't base the worth of your entire life on one person. Please I hope you are ok.
My bfs family is great and accepting and loves me for some reason, but they have a few weird traditions that I’m not used to. I come from a very dysfunctional, small family so it can be overwhelming to be expected to pitch in on these traditions. So, today, bfs family has a big community event that they do once a year, I went last year and had a bad time (not because of them but because of social anxiety - a lot was expected of me socially and it really took a lot out of me). Of course I didn’t tell them I had a bad time but I told my bf and he was very understanding, but he told me that this tradition has been ongoing his entire life and he’s certain he can’t blow it off, even if we were to get married and have our own lives, these numerous traditions would be a lifelong obligation. He says I don’t even have to go with him today but idk I feel so guilty about sitting it out and making him go alone. He’s sleeping still and they’re blowing up his phone to get him to go already. I want to feel confident enough to go and put on an extroverted face, but the thought of it also makes me want to cry in the shower all day. Why can’t I just be fucking normal and social? Why can’t his family just let him decide if he wants to continue those traditions or not?
A classmate that tried to flirt with me when I was very vulnerable and sad last year has just casually hit me up on my phone when I made it clear I didn't want anything to do with him. He had a girlfriend and I wish I had any way to contact her.
Fuck this dude. I've left him on seen almost an hour ago now and I feel guilty about it. Why am I this dumb.
hi anon, a girl broke my heart too and I know the pain you're going through. I know it's hard and you are worth someone who cares for you and doesn't abandon you, don't let anyone tell you that's how lesbian relationships go, I'll fight them.
What you do is you get facebook friendly with him, ask to talk there, then tell the asshole's gf what's up.
It's normal to feel worthless when you've just left a relationship, because your positive attributes are still associated with your ex and one has a very low view of oenself for some reason. But you are so much better than you think right now. Please be strong and treat yourself to some nice tea and work on stuff you love.
I really do hate being ugly. Of course I'd rather be rich, free of mental illness, or become a genius but still, not being attractive sucks. I know ugly people can find love but I hate that the only options for me are hideous men..and I hate that there's nothing attractive about my face. Could go for unconventional beauty or even just, having something cute about it but there is nothing. It's like god tried to smush every unattractive feature he could when he made me.
I hate my skinnyfat body, I hate my hair, I hate my skin. My appearance is just so wretched. I hate that the only men who give me a look are old or autistic. There's no chance of me getting a woman with my looks. I just hate it. I hate it, I hate it, my parents were Chad and Stacy tier in their youth but why have I been cursed with this face.
>inb4 someone suggests improving my confidence level
What's the fucking point. Yeah I'm quiet and unfashionable, plenty of attractive people around me are the same way yet they are always able to make friends, get relationships + more because they draw people to them. Yet I have to try extra hard to connect with people just because I lost the genetic lottery? Yeah no thanks
I understand you ano. Belive me I agree with your frustration. Some people are just really natural beautiful and some just lost the gene lottery. It is unfair that you know some people have it so much easier because they are pretty. Especially in finding a attractive partner.I could scream sometimes, when I think about how pretty I could have become (from the genes of my parents) but the coincidence thought it was a good idea to make me the mess I am.
Improving your confidence will not help you if you don't want it.
So there is not much I can do to help you.
Just try, that is all I can tell. I always try. I try to stay healthy and groomed. I try to be nice to people, or at least polite.
If i can't be natural pretty like the other ones, I will try and be a better person. Sure it will not help much, as I said there is not much I can tell you, but I feel better. Not like super much better. Just a little bit.
So maybe it will help you.
Stay strong ano.
I was permabanned from lolcow today and I have no idea why. Kinda pathetic but i'm genuinely sad. I guess I'm on here now as a lolcow refugee.
Aw shit, you sure you have no idea why you were banned? It could’ve been accidental and you could try emailing the lolcow staff to get it repealed.
I got temp-banned for infighting once because i was butthurt and it kind of..hurt since I considered it a sort of “”home”” lol. But that was my fault.
>>13640>since I considered it a sort of “”home””
I think they permabanned me cos they thought I was a male poster. I emailed them. I hope they repeal it. :(
Were you the anon who got the “sad little man” ban message?
Hopefully the repeal works out. Maybe you can confirm you’re female with an audio clip or something if they still don’t believe you. Not sure if using a vpn would work as well if they didn’t end up repealing it.
>>13643>Were you the anon who got the “sad little man” ban message?
I'll definitely ask if I can send a voice recording if they email back rejecting my appeal, thats a good idea. Its weird because I already do have a VPN? It says "connected" on the top bar of my computer.
I was actually going to reply and agree with you with this pic attached but then stopped myself because I didn’t want the lc mods to think I was male or “too /pol/.” Honestly this ban might’ve not happened a few years ago, I think lolcow has changed. Good luck though anon!
I bet that tweet had thousands of likes. smfh.
Thank you anon! <3
Oh, boy, what a definitely real Tweet from a definitely real person. It's only a pity they accidently
cropped out the date and made it that much harder to trace, especially since the account curiously has only a single photo attached that seemingly can't be traced itself either, since being ban hammered by Twitter mods. Weird that Jamarcus would choose to crop that photo to 540x540 though, doesn't really make sense to me, but gee, what do I know, other than no one has ever bothered shrinking a Twitter profile picture for seemingly no reason. Maybe the floppy disc he stores his pictures on was getting full?
I mean, I'm not saying you're a gullable idiot for posting that screen cap and spending not even a milisecond contemplating its veracity, but actually you are and you need to reavaluate how you think about the world.
And sorry for the double post, but I should add that mentions of that Tweet only seem to appear in right wing outrage circles from a couple of years ago, further adding to the likelihood of it being completely made up bait by the far-right to get more moderate right wingers into a froth over things that aren't real.
I found a full screencap since you’re so upset about it. Even if it is fake and I am
a gullible idiot, I’m convinced there are plenty of hoteps online who actually believe this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Brilliant, so it's untrue, but you refuse to accept that so we just have to call it even and pretend provably false quotes have the same validity as genuine discourse.
Well, as long as you don't ever have to do any self-reflection or questioning of your beliefs, I suppose everything's fine and we can just start using crytsal healing to cure cancer, and who knows how climate change occures and hey, maybe the Earth is flat, who the even cares anymore? As long as everyone's secure in their own bubble, they're all fine, despite constantly seething with rage and hatred for their fellow human beings; it's fine. Fine. Everything's fine.
The early stages of liking someone suck ass. I also think she's out of my league. I'm kinda cool but not as sociable as her. Wish me luck.
I want to volunteer at a hospice but they're all far away from where I live.
My reasons for doing so are:
1. It's important work
2. I must acquaint myself with death because someday I will die
I want to stop it all. I want to sell everything I own and board the next plain to far far away land and start over!
A random dude told me today i love you in an online game as a joke after i helped him, but it actually made me smile and gave me a little twinge.
Real pathetic hours, girls.
Yes, we were talking in vc so he knew i was a girl.
I'm faced with a really tough choice and I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend just asked me to move in with him. I love him, and I'd love to. He's very sweet. However, I've also just received a signed work contract for a job in Paris (close to where I used to live before moving abroad to study/intern), for a 6 month traineeship at 75% of the full time salary and a possibility to stay there permanently when it's over. I have until November to make my choice.
>Pros and cons of the Paris option
France is an overall better country to live in than where I am right now (Northern Europe), and I have more rights there. I speak the language, have work, food is leaps and bounds above anything you can find here, the people are nicer, but everything is really bureaucratic and it'll be lonely as hell since most of my friends from there live in different cities now. However they're the only people who regularly ask about me. Living situation is going to be really bad compared to here since I'll be renting on a budget. I won't have much of a support system like I do here, and I'll need to study a lot since it'll be my first time performing those kinds of tasks at work, even if it is in my field.
>Pros and cons of the boyfriend option
If I stay here and move in with bf, I'll be set in terms of living since he's willing to pay most of the rent (I can't afford the places where he wants to go). However, it'll be hard to find a job, and if we break up I'll have to stay with him until I move out. Most of my friends here are his friends first, and I don't fancy being friends with my exes, so I'll be alone again. Some of them have said they'll help me find a job here (they're all ridiculously well connected) and I've already taken an internship offer with one of his other friends with fulltime potential, but it's in a field I don't want to work in. Overall, where I live right now is very nice, very organised, people are polite and sweet but cold and asocial, and the cost of living here is absurdly hard, though the paychecks are even higher and rent is cheaper than Paris. I've already been here for a few years before moving back to France so if I stay a bit longer I'll be eligible for citizenship, which is nice but not necessary for me. Getting it would entitle me to a lot of benefits the locals here have, though.
I've talked to my bf about it and he insists he isn't the kind of person to not be friends with his exes, that he invites his ex of 3 years to all parties etc. But the problem is actually me since I don't like being friends with my exes or seeing their ex girlfriends around, I'm a jealous person and they know that. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. If I stay with this guy I'll have to endure his ex every once in a while since he considers her a "good friend that he doesn't hang out with often" and I don't know if it's worth it.
Sorry for the novel, I'm just legitimately lost.
Dont depend on anybody, first of all is your economical independence. Your boyfriend also need to understand that.
Go to France. This shouldn't even be a question.
Why don't your bf go with you?
I feel like I'm not living in real life. I keep on waiting for me to wake up from this dream. I should be happier, but I feel worse and worse. Even the mundane or good feels horrid to me because I don't feel like it's really happening to me. This feeling makes me apathetic to everything and I think maybe if I die, at least this'll go away; maybe I'll wake up, maybe I'll just end. I'm okay with either option.
Why must all dudes i meet in online games turn creepy as soon as i give them any positive attention.
Holy fucking shit i'm tired of being unable to just play normally like a man would without getting creepy men kissing my ass because "muh girl gamur".
I wish my retard parents had sprung for a condom instead.
Just play normally then? I mean if you know they are going to sperg out just dont say you are a girl.
tfw so lonely that i watch girls i know livestream and interact with them anonymously
I like to use voice chat to make it easier since the games i play are team based, how do i hide my own voice?
I can type, but it sucks that i cannot use vc which is a lot more comfortable for high action team based games simply because of male spergs.
inb4 "i shouldn't have to." no, you shouldn't, but if you want the benefit of communicating without people being retarded because you're a girl or mean because you're a girl, it's the only way.
Or instead of going through the trouble just tell people you're a teenage guy that works too
FPS/moba type games are more prone to the toxic type of male compared to MMOs. I guess find a group of friends to queue up with
Thanks anons. I was weighing towards France anyway, but I get attached to people very easily (friends, family or partners) and find it really hard to let go.
We talked about the possibility of moving there together in a year or so, so he can brush up on his French a bit and gain more money/experience, but we'll talk more about that tomorrow and see what our options are. Either way if he chooses not to do it I understand, I'll be going anyway. I just needed an unbiased opinion on it, really.
This is going to sound weird but I'd almost wouldn't utterly despise myself for being so mediocre if I were the only one like this? I just hate seeing dozens of people who're just as pathetic as me ( if not worse ), really compounds how useless and retarded I am am. Guess that's the reason why, anyway.
Also I consistently awful at everything I wish to do, this kills me.
Also also the fact that I'll never help science advance or be some grand intellectual hurts me too. If I could have one thing it would be smarts.
I know how you feel anon, I think that's why my friend doesn't want to be my online friend anymore.
Exactly anon. It’s not like you can even excuse yourself as some special exception. But I don’t even care about “smarts” or making a contribution to society anymore. I just want to do what i want and have a comfortable life. If that makes me selfish or a loser then fuck it.
Sorry you're not a special princess but rather one of us.
I randomly got a text from a girl I knew in high school and I haven't opened it because I don't want her to see I saw it - but I saw in the preview it mentions a guy I talked to in high school. I literally haven't talked to them in 5 years. I checked my Facebook after 274762628 years and I see some messages from him that I haven't opened. I'm having a full on panic attack knowing people are looking for me even though I intentionally fell of the face off the earth. I need to use my messaging app but I don't want her to know I saw her message. Wtf do they want from me??? I know it's ridiculous but I seriously just wanted to be anonymous for the rest of my life and hoped everyone would forget I existed. I'm a huge loser and talking to people I used to know forces me to admit that I'm not doing anything with my life and am still just as depressed, and it only makes me want to kill myself even more. I used to have a crush on this guy. I really hoped he forgot I existed… This is my nightmare scenario
so i hang out in this one place ( lets call it a server ) that has a mix of guys and gals, some of them are gay, bi, whatever. one of the dudes i want to be friends with ( and seriously, my feelings are entirely platonic (though i find him endearing like you'd find a brother endearing i guess) we have the same hobbies and everything ) has me feeling somewhat envious of the other guys he'll talk to..because i'm worried he'll want to be friends with another guy he could potentially get romantic with rather than some girl?
and it makes me feel so guilty. should i feel guilty?
at one point i almost wished i was a guy so he'd come talk to me about games some more.
Just look at it? If you ignore them it's not going to make much of a difference if they see you read it or not. Might as well see what it's about.
If you really want to be anon just delete social media tied to your real name, that's how I live.
I WAS GOING TO USE THAT BREAD ROLL FOR MY VEGGIE BURGER MUM
I HATE YOU MUM
YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE A GOOD SANDWICH WITH IT YOU LOSER
STOP BUYING THAT SHITTY OVERPRICED HAM YOU DUMB DUMB
MY BURGER GONE
pelt that stupid head with rolls until she learns her lesson
Mfw you want to give the s u c c but impossibru coz don’t know how to communicate with people outside of memes or text based conversations
I've been no contact and broken up with my ex for over a year now but he's still talking shit about me and attacking me to people we both know, and online. Plus he continues to threaten my physical safety.
I'm so tired. I want him to go away. He harassed me when I was trying online dating. He harasses my new boyfriend. I can't even tell him that no, I don't miss your short, prematurely-balding, scrawny, meth-abusing, serial-cheating ass because that would mean breaking my no-contact. He's just so pathetic. Still going after a girl who hasn't even returned a single message in over a year. I'm embarrassed I publicly associated with someone so pathetic.
I feel like I'm wasting my life. I have way too much free time.
>work gives me 30 hrs/week while doing college
>customer service, hate doing it but it's the only thing I could find.
Every place always puts men in the back and women in the front. I hate it, I just wanna be a janitor or dishwasher.
>tired, irritable, and anxious a lot of the time
>no job, quit because it was too stressful + I don't actually need to work
>have lots of free time on weekdays and tons of it on weekends
>bored all the time
>do productive things like be on top of cleaning, practice drawing, schoolwork, work out, and learn new things related to my major(cs)
>still bored as fuck and have too much time
>trying to quit imageboards because 4chan wastes too much of my time, this adds more free time that I don't know what to spend on
>still don't want a job though
Maybe I should try making more friends, I'm terrible at socializing though. I just don't know what the fuck I should do with all this time. No idea how people can live the true NEET life.
do you have any time management tips
also would you say lots of people are majoring in cs these days
>>13769>time management tips
Not all of this may apply to you because I don't know what your life is like but I guess generally>if you are in school, try to space out your classes so you have one right after the other, try to have no more than one hour gaps in between classes>never procrastinate on HW, if you have a big project start on it super early and try to finish it early too. Me personally, I have nothing due for the next 2 weeks because I finish my shit quickly>if you have a question, go to office hours instead of asking in class, you get a better answer more quickly and professors like you more (good for getting internships)>study groups are a meme, studying alone and asking professor if you really don't get a part is more efficient
Aside from school>cut off acquaintances you don't give a shit about, or any friend you don't give a shit about. I only have two friends but I feel very satisfied with only that. When you hang out with someone you gotta ask "am I having fun?"- if the answer is no it's a waste of time>aim for perfect 8 hours of sleep also go to bed early and wake up early too>if you are in your house, dress in street clothes anyways, it makes you more productive >don't watch things, read things instead. Usually the stuff is better written and you can get the information you want faster
Basically I just get all the stuff I need to do out of the way as early as possible. Then I can do things like play video games, shitpost, and hang out with my friends with 0 guilt or anxiety. Of course this would be much harder if I was working or my classes were more numerous or difficult. I can only say this because in the now my life is very easy. Hopefully this post doesn't sound too preachy.>also would you say lots of people are majoring in cs these days
Yeah, but the field has high demand so I think I will be ok. You just gotta learn and make stuff outside of your classes as well to set you apart from your classmates.
>>13768>I don't actually need to work>do productive things like… …learn new things related to my major(cs)
how's your undergrad research going, although that's more intertwined if you're interested in grad-school right? Im assuming you wish to head to industry after finishing your undergrad?
I'm lucky enough to have been born to a family that pays for my education and anything else I need. I guess I could work to save up money, but it's not something I need to do atm.>>13775>Im assuming you wish to head to industry after finishing your undergrad?
Yes, I just try to learn things I think might be useful in the future. It's more of a time-killer than anything else.
I have no hope, i will never get better, depression will win this battle, i am a failure.
I wish i could stop suffering.
adjust ur attitude anon, it doesn't have to be that way. you are in control!
my name is jeff 13813
long term internet friend has had a load of issues. Was overweight, self harming like a motherfucker, distilled his own alcohol because he couldnt buy any and was addicted to pills among other things.
Other long term internet friend and I got him clean over the course of a year, enrolled him in uni, got him to the gym, got him to get a gf, he had shit on track for half a year.
Slowly it went to shit, now he quit uni, dumped his gf, has no friends again, got kicked out of his dorms for weed, lives with druggie flat mates and hangs out with dudes from /r9k/. Hit me up saying he was doing ketamine.
I'm wondering where it went wrong. We care about this dude and want him to succeed.
ive gone my whole life avoiding pursuing crushes now im in uni and holy shit am i regretting it. i thought i was a pretty attractive person but coming here has completely crushed what confidence i had. then the fact that i've only ever been pursued by nerds only crushes me more lol like is that really the best i could do?
i downloaded tinder a while ago to experiment but now im scared i dont even look like my pictures. maybe im just too young looking bc im only getting approached by older guys who i assume like jailbait
Yeah I guess nerds are the best you can do lol :^)
I feel like I'm on the precipice of having another breakdown?
Logically I know that it's not possible for me to ready and good at this transition period of school to post-grad life, but not "being good at it" already makes me want to give up and die.
I hate how unintuitive the job search process is.
Thanks anons. I've had lots of tea and tried to focus on work to keep myself busy.
It's really hard, one part of my mind is telling me to just be alone for a while and learn to be okay with that, and the other just wants to be held and told nice things. The scariest part is both people I loved were wonderful and time just changed them, and there's no way of reading that someone will change when you meet them. It's a frightening thought, that someone could be perfect then become an entirely different person.
Maybe love isn't for me. It's just hard to adjust to the thought.
I'm having mixed feelings about my best friend and ldr boyfriend and I honestly don't know how to deal with that.
I'm getting WAY TOO CLOSE with my best friend and getting more distant with my ldr bf. I love my bf, but I'm starting to get some weird feelings for my best friend and I think he likes me too?
I don't want to break up with my actual bf since we worked so hard to make our relationship possible and I honestly don't want to hurt both of them.
I'm also starting to feel like that since I don't feel like the correct woman for my bf. I have no future (no studies, work or even money). Shit hurts a lot.
at least you are pursued, what the hell
If you love your bf you should break up with him because you're already thinking of cheating on him
>Friends talk to me about their problems
>Try my best to help them through it and be a supportive pillar for them, giving advice and helping as much as i can
>I talk about my problems
>"Aw that sucks anon :(" "Aw :( that reminds me of insert their own problem there and ignore mine completely
Don't you just adore when people are there for you as much as you are for them?
While people definitely do this in selfish ways and whoever you're talking to probably is, also consider that some people try really hard to relate and do so by doing exactly what you just said. theoretically it shows empathy, may help by them getting to how they solved x problem, it keeps the conversation going, and more but I don't want to think hard cus I'm sleepy. Obviously it's not nice but you can fall into the habit of this without realizing you're doing it or just not realizing how it's being perceived.
Yeah anon i can see what you mean, and i'd understand if this was the situation, but when i mean talks abut own problems
i mean they completely ignore mine and go to unrelated ones about themselves without even offering emotional support no matter how much i am suffering, not to empathise with me, but just to vent to me.
"Just an aw poor thing, but back to me!" kind of situation.
I probably sound stupid complaining about this, but it kind of hurts being there for everyone and not having anyone be there for you at your worst.
Your "friend" isn't a good friend. You should dump this person if they care so little about you not to hear your problems or offer help, but use your ears as a toilet for their problems.
What the fuck? I don't want to do that, honestly. I just want to tell my best friend to chill, but I also want to talk with my bf about what he thinks about our relationship.
Last time I felt the feeling of cuddling with someone I was in romantic relations with was three years ago.
I don't feel that much emotionally anymore on account of the drugs I take (SNRIs) but occasionally the complete lack of romantic love in my life really, really hurts a lot.
i can't have anything
i'm doomed to wanting and agonizing over everything inaccessible to me
depending on what your problems are, they may just not know what to say.
sometimes the best advice is 'suck it up or get the hell out of dodge' and if the subject of advice can't do either of those things, then sympathizing is the only thing left to do. but there may not be more to say other than 'i'm sorry you're going through this'. especially if you're just venting and not actually asking for advice. it's the difference between 'god this situation sucks' and 'god this situation sucks, what do i do?'
i got sent home from work today for being drunk. i didn't even last 30 minutes before one of the customers complained to my manager.
i'm so ashamed but at the same time i'm pissed off that the customer couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. i can do my job while i'm drunk, it's not rocket science.
If you were noticeably drunk enough for a customer to notice, it's an issue.
Sure, you're (probably) capable of doing your job while inebriated, but it's a liability to your employer.
You sound insufferable. Next time don't show up to obligations drunk.
i've been getting away with it for something like six years and nobody's complained or ever seemed to notice before now
but idk, this manager apparently has a really sharp sense of smell and can detect the smell even if i'm acting completely sober. which i usually do, a beer or something before work isn't enough to actually make me tipsy.>>13864
it's judgemental uptight cunts like yourself that make the world insufferable for the rest of us, fuck off.
It's not unreasonable to expect workers to be sober for work, either as an employer or customer, whether or not you can do the work sober. If that makes me a "judgemental, uptight cunt", so be it.
my mom just told me her dad was cheating on her and it's why they got divorced
ive always been super close with my dad. he's unironically my hero. i don't know whether she's making things up again or not, because it just makes too much sense
i'm beyond fucked up about it because i was just starting to feel like my mom and i would have a normal relationship and we were having a really deep talk about our feelings and she dumped THAT on me
im really really fucked up about it.
at least you've accepted your role in life without remorse.
my dad cheated on my mom as well. she forgave him and they didn't separate but now she says that if she had the chance to do it all over again, she wouldn't have put up with him for 40+ years
why does it bother you as much as it does? people fuck up all the time, even our heroes.
but if she's made up stories like this before in the past, i would also be slightly skeptical and would ask him directly for confirmation.
i guess it hurts because it's the first time i've heard of my dad doing anything like this. i always say that i'm never going to meet a man that can live up to him, but i'm only half joking. he's always been the one sane, stable person in my life, and his now-ldr girlfriend (they fly out to see each other a lot and will probably get married once i move out) is probably the one stable female role model in my life. and it's not like my dad's ldrgf is the stereotypical "other woman" either - she's a half-jewish corporate exec who's five years his senior and has two kids. i didn't even know that she existed until three or four years after the divorce. the cheating thing was completely out of left field, but it honestly makes more sense considering their respective breakdowns than "they were just too different".
and yeah, her memory's not the best; i've always been the one to do more cerebral stuff for her because of how touchy-feely she is. but i also know how charismatic my father is. he talks a lot about honesty and integrity, but i can't know if he actually carries out those values in his own life, because he's persuasive and charming enough that he could conceivably be an incredible liar.
i just feel like my images of my parents have been shaken up a lot. even if my mom is making shit up again - she sounded so convinced. it was spooky.
I wish things would stop reminding me of all the ways I could have been happy and successful instead of miserable and a failure.
he sounds like a sorry asshole. addicts will blame everything except themselves. u need to keep it real with him, tell u how u feel, but also make him understand he's responsible for himself and you are NOT a fucking babysitter. Google boundaries
three years is painfully long. get a cat and and a dating site profile? </3
this. trying to get a guilt fuck is the most pathetic shit ever. hes only looking out for himself trust
they're not going to understand until you tell them in plain english. dont expect people to read your mind. i am that type of person, so i would definitely want to know if i was hanging out with someone and draining them unintentionally
you sound extremely depressed. losing interest in lifelong interests and always being tired are big symptoms. wellbutrin helped me. you should get some help, maybe find free therapy in your area
that's so fucked up. you need to get the big guns out and document all of this and sue their asses. dont let these men walk all over you. go big or go home and leave their sorry asses themselves with the company they won't know how to run best without you
lol, you ever done LSD? it'll teach you some empathy so you won't have to pretend not to be a hateful person. if you wanna find another racist just make sure he identifies as republican and that ups your chances
um. if you keep binging, im gonna assume you're eating shit food. which is why you look like shit. it might not be fat distribution, your face might be bloated as fuck. water retention happens for a variety of reasons. for me, i puff up when i drink alcohol or eat greasy and salty foods. you need to improve your diet and exercise on a regular basis to flush out toxins. grapefruit and spinach will help you. now go love yourself.
i feel for your situation. but i will say this. 1. these entry level jobs dont care about experience. lie on your resume if you have to, nobody checks shit. 2. you will never lead the life you want without proper help for your mental illnesses. you can't ignore these things or you're prone to becoming a statistic
men come and go. working in paris would be dope. comfort is nice but it will kill you. you can make friends already, so im sure you will have an awesome fulfilling life in paris.
ok. you seem to have an issue with focusing on the present and future, instead of the past
I'm terrified of graduating.
I don't feel ready to land a "real adult" job, I know that right now is the time to prepare and develop my self into an employable person, but it's so overwhelming.
There's a networking event tomorrow and I want to crawl into a hole.
The "tfw no cute bf/gf to cuddle with and be lovely with" feels are strong tonight, my girls.
i'm one day into a fast without any adjusting beforehand, which always throws me off/makes me feel worse and dissociated and weird, but i think its just built up and fuck
i feel so worthless, pathetic, and stupid
things are going to be like this forever
nobody i love is going to love me back, love me for who i am, want me, and stay with me
i will never be happy, and its partially my own fault and partially just how things are
i'm never going to be happy, in love, and ok. i will never recover from the mindset my childhood and upbringing gave me and i'll never want to recover. all i do is harm myself, everything i do is harmful to myself, i'm set up to fail
why did i bother giving myself false hope and somehow falling in love with someone who doesn't like me
why did i bother ever thinking it would be different
why haven't i killed myself yet
this is all there is forever
Saged because i only feel slight annoyance at this, but why are a bunch of anons creating entire new threads just to vent-post when they could just post ITT?
They want more attention, maybe. Either that or they're too lazy to find this thread.
You should go eat something probably
i feel the same way anon. i wish you the best. we can get through this
Can someone here give me an Amazon gift card? Yes I'm very broke.
I have food and a place to live; I just want to buy lotion and something for my skin. I know asking this here is ridiculous, but I don't have any friends. rip.
Sorry for the text wall, but I need to get that out.
You see I have a friend who I know for over 10 years know.
She is always kind, funny and if I need something she is always there.
Now someone who met her recently took me aside and asked why she hates herself so much. He is good with characterize any person
First I did not believe him, but I was curious. So I observed her and I now think he was right.
For example, she never wears skirts or dresses, if you asked her why she says she feels more comfortable with pants. But if you look closely you see her admire dresses or skirts, she often says "oh that looks pretty".
She loves to swim but did rarely go, she always would wear oversized boxers and a shirt. She told me she gets sunburn easy, but she is half Italian.
She always wears very oversized clothings.
Once we were with a group of friends and one mentioned that my friend looks kind of young. My friend is small, skinny and has no breast or butt My friend jokingly said: "Yeah only pedos find me attractive."
Befor the talk with the guy, I wouldn't mind her words. She as a dark and dry humor, but know it feels kind of strange.
As far as I know she never had a bf and she finds naked bodys extremely gross. It has gotten better the older we got, but she still can't see them.
I need your help anos, do I interpret to much?
If she really hates herself, I really want to help her. But what should I do?
my anxiety causes me to feel intense waves of nausea, which causes me to feel anxious about vomiting, which makes me feel even more nauseas. ;_;
If someone were to offer you money how do we know the reply we get is from you and not some other anon
Jeez I wonder why in the world you may be here>>13986
Try to take deep breaths and if you are in a situation where you can, try to only focus on your breathing. Don't think about anything else but your breathing. See if that helps the nausea.
sounds like me except with blood and fainting
>cut self >not feeling faint just staying calm and get first aid >start thinking about fainting>actually faint because of it
I ditched the event which is just self-sabotage, but I only feel bad about lying to my bf about it since we're both going through employment search stress.
Broke up with my bf and I'm pretty sure I lost most of my friend group. I know they all side with him. I still feel like I was in the right but I just feel like fucking shit
You can ask the mods to check
Deep breaths help.
If i feel nausea, i chew a bubblegum (with something fresh flavour like peppermint)
Fun fact, the chewing helps a little with stress, because it simulates eating and we have a instinct in us, that we only eat when we are save.
I am only an empty shell. A robot with no distinct personality, never had an original thought, generic hobbies and barely any problems. I grew up with an average family in a normal town. I had a normal childhood, I graduated highschool and now have a job. Yet I cant help but feel empty. like I am only a robot who only exists to work and sleep. Everyday is the same, every year is the same, nothing exciting ever happens. I am nothing.
Anyone know this feel?
I just took some pictures of myself in clothes I just bought and realized I look like a gremlin
This a bad habit that I know I have, but does responding to messages make anyone really anxious?
Whenever I get emails, I always put off answering them. Same with texts, to the point that I have unintentionally ghosted people through feeling awkward about responding way too late.
Me too, I think we need to realize that people don't really care too much about messages, they just read them and forget about them in 5 minutes.
I want to find a place to RP but it's hard. Everything is either a forum site, a discord, or ERP.
If you're okay with a space setting you could try Discovery Freelancer. PvP is enabled but once you get to know the universe you can keep yourself safe without being gud or anything. Also the rules are very strict to the point where out of roleplay messages aren't even really allowed in local/system chat. I played here for yearshttp://discoverygc.com/
i just dont know.p…
I learned the hard way to not mix friendship and relationships. I won't be friends with both members of a couple, nor do I want to be friends with my partners friends.
Sorry it went that way for you.
Some people take it really hard when they don't get a response. Especially online, the lonely people who are looking for friends and romance are usually very patient which sometimes means they wait and wait for a response that may never come.
You'll find new friends anon. It's not worth staying miserable with your bf, so you made a good choice. Who knows, maybe some will still keep in touch with no drama. I have a similar problem where I'm not friends with a girl anymore, but her bf was a good friend of mine. I know he'll just side with her too, so I'm just letting it go.
i'm never going to be happy with myself am i
well, actually. i'll probably reach a point where i become who i want to be in the future but right now it's so shitty constantly.
and the people i want to interact with only exist in this current bit of time? i might lose them because i'm so pathetic
Is there a worse feeling than trying to argue a point to an incompetent person and no matter how hard you try you literally cannot get across to them?
spending the early half of the argument thinking they were competent enough and then halfway through realizing they're so stupid you literally just wasted all your time
What's wrong with me??
>never desired romantic relationships
>never desired sexual relationships
>absolutely no interest in men, very minor interest in other women
>was obsessed with porn, sex, and hentai from a young age
>never figured out what about sex is supposed to feel good, despite trying to masturbate constantly. no orgasms of course.
>somehow acquire more and more degenerate fetishes
>buy vibrators and ass plugs. use them. feel stupid
>buy more sex toys.
>repeat until all hope has been lost
>somehow get a boyfriend
>romantic part of relationship is surprisingly fulfilling
>sex is shit. all online advice says i need to direct him. but i can't even get myself off.
>eacalate depravity in an attempt to make it good. nothing works, of course
>take 100 mg tested MDMA and have sex with boyfriend
>feel a little lovey dovey, boyfriend is actually rolling. (note: i weigh about 110 and am not on SSRI's)
>sex still feels like shit
>manage to hold back tears long enough for him to finish
why am i so hopelessly broken??? would going to a doctor help? wtf
I'm the same way except romantically. I experience sexual desire, but in short, impersonal bursts. I'm lucky I can orgasm, though. I'm sorry you don't experience it, only because it seems to matter a lot to you. However, what helps me with the lack of care in romance-land is realizing that it's something that is only considered required by society. We don't need to fall in love to feel fulfilled, and that's okay. Maybe a lot of other people don't understand it, but there are those of us out there who do, and we're fine.
Why does your lack of orgasms trouble you so, anon?
thank you for ur reply. that's very sweet of you.
i felt like i was fine until i reluctantly agreed to this relationship.
turns out, i really really like him. up until that point, i'd basically given up and had stopped looking at porn n stuff. i was fine just doing my own thing.
Although i'm sure i could break up with him and get used to being happy alone again, i think i'd like to keep him. but he has a sex drive, and i was too willing to try things with him in the beginning. now i'm disillusioned all over again, but i feel it's too late to say "uhh actually i don't like sex. just wank it for the rest of your life lmao."
it's hard not to get jealous when sex is me waiting for him to hurry up and orgasm
i just wish i could. i wish i could feel something good to make me believe that i'm even capable of orgasm.
>>14131>would going to a doctor help?
It might. They might not be able to do a lot unless there's an underlying medical condition, but at least they could rule it out. If it's not medical then they will probably end up referring you to a therapist. A regular therapist might be able to help. There are also sex therapists who specialize in sexual issues, so maybe your doc can point you in the direction of one of those. If you don't live in/near a big city, though, it might be tough to find one within easy driving distance.
I think it's worth a try especially if it's that important to you. They might be able to help you fix it. And if not, maybe they can at least give you a diagnosis so you can google it every year or two and see if anybody's made any breakthroughs. I wish you luck anon.
I've been talking to my ex again. He broke up with me in a self sabotaging depression fit and made a lot of bad decisions post breakup, including getting a rebound gf. It took a few months but she dumped him and he finally came and apologized to me for treating me like crap. Our relationship was really great before the breakup and when he left it destroyed me.
It's so hard because I still have feelings for him and part of me really wants to fix us but I know now wouldn't be a good time. I can't handle dating anyone and he said he didn't want to date anyone right now either. We haven't been flirting or talking about relationships/sex, we just have nice talks about our interests and in some ways it really feels like before.
I don't know what's right because on paper it's a terrible idea but my gut says that being with him is right and I want to put the time and effort into fixing our relationship which I know will take awhile. But I also don't know if he'll end up feeling the same way…
I'm a big pussy in romantic relationships whose first reaction when faced with intimidating situations is to run away and cut contact with the people whose behaviour I don't like.
I'm also really quiet in groups since I'm kind of socially autistic which has the effect of people always talking over me and neglecting me in group conversations.
I'm jealous of witty girls who always laugh and crack jokes because I'm nothing like that but would like to be, which has made me very negative and bitter over the years and further alienates people from me. I don't show it outwardly outside of always being kind of sour looking and am mostly kind to others but people pick up on my sad energy easily and I'm sure it's not pleasant for them.
I want to stop always pitying myself and being a sad loser but I don't know how. I want to be a good, positive person but whenever I try to be more mindful of my good qualities I forget myself after a while and it goes back to my old bullshit.
find someone like you that's willing to hang out. so long as neither of you are dickheads, you can grow a real relationship. bond through your awkwardness. shit on normies. talk about weird hobbies.
you'll also (hopefully) be able to learn what does and doesn't work socially by interacting with them. sometimes it takes a mirror to see what's up and try to fix things.
baby steps. become comfortable with a few people. then when u talk to scary jocks n shit, u can act casual and trick them into thinking you're normal and well-adjusted.
I don't think things will work between us
I have serious abandonment issues. my boyfriend keeps breaking up with me when we fight sometimes. I feel that it’s always over stupid reasons. last time he did this, I was a wreck and he swore he’d never do it again and that there was no way it could happen. but tonight he said to “think about if I want to be with him, because he’ll be thinking the same.”
I can’t do this. I’m going through a lot of things in my life right now and he knows that. I asked him to be more understanding. I don’t know if we’ll get back together this time but we have every time he’s done this and he always gets sad that I don’t trust that he won’t do it again. how can I trust you when you keep pulling this on me. I feel like he’s taking advantage of the fact that I care about him so much. whenever he does this I feel so unloved.
I feel even more betrayed because I have issues with men. I know not all men are bad, but I’ve watched every man in my life do bad things. I was abused by my ex and cheated on by everyone I ever dated. my boyfriend was the only man in my life I ever trusted 100% and now I just can’t. that’s ruined. he does this and leaves me by myself in a fit of abandonment anxiety, ignoring my messages and stonewalling me.
if he leaves I don’t know what to do. I feel worthless and unloved, like it was all a lie
A lot of people confess to me. Now whenever someone confesses their love I feel disgusted and repulsed by them. Why am I like this?
Are you ace or something? Or already in a relationship? Just not attracted to these people?
If you're super attractive or a great catch it shouldn't surprise you. They're just being normal romantic/sexual beings lmao. If they're your friends I can understand having complications.
Regardless I doubt they're all degenerate or malicious.
Dude fucking same. Nobody has "confessed their love" tho just expressed wanting to sleep with me. I feel like I have a good reason to be disgusted though (I'm in a relationship). But it's more than that. I feel like most men like that are just trying to use women and i am only one in a hundred. It makes me feel icky.
FUCKING UNI WORK SUBMISSIONS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'm not in a relationship. I don't love anyone and I haven't since my first childhood friend. Since then I haven't dated or been obsessed with anyone at all. I understand that they're normal romantic beings, and even though I don't like people confessing to me, I don't just cut them off for such a silly reason. I'm not even that good looking. Lots of them are pretty lovable people too. I act just a little nice, agreeable and understanding, and they think I'm the one. Maybe it's because a lot of my friends are miserable. It feels weird.
>degenerate or malicious
I actually haven't encountered many degenerates.
Everything goes downhill once they confess. They start getting all emotional because of "love" and usually we stop being friends, if they're more on the platonic side. To be honest I don't really know how to deal with them. Usually, I politely tell them that I'm not interested in them, but sometimes they get really clingy. Love makes people really dumb. They say they don't expect me to love them but they get upset when I don't give special treatment.
Maybe if I meet someone who'll never fall for me I'll love them.>>14189
I don't usually get sexual "confessions." For me it's majority men but a few girls too.
My father literally stalks me.
He always had a problem with boundaries. He was the most cringy, embarrassing and also rude person ever. To me, he tried to spoil me, but that sort of went with the expectation to follow his perception of reality without any resistance. He would flat out drop out of any conflict or stubbornly hold his exact place.
I only recently realized that he is the reason I am so a fucking doormat these days.
Well, when I moved out, my father was throwing a tantrum at my mom how she could have "allowed this" and they had to pay my flat (I was 20 at that point), not minding the fact I was in the workforce for three years at that point.
Since then, he just demands/expects to see me regularly. Things went worse when I had to move back into the street my parents live because our family owns a place there. He discovered that he could just loiter at the street like he owns the entire area and intercept me whenever I go anywhere (like stepping in front of my moving car intercept). I found out he has keys to my place when, one evening, I was just peacefully in the bathroom , when I heard the front door rattling and someone stepping in and walking around. He was unfazed at my shocked reaction, explained he just wanted to check whether the plumbing was working (???) and refused to leave. Also, if he rings at the door (that I now keep locked), and I as much as open it to talk to him, he will physically force his way in. Every attempt to tell him something he doesn't want to hear will be magically done away with a condescending wave of the hand.
I am physically sick thinking about interacting with this man, despite feeling a bit sorry for him.
Today I had my door unlocked because I had to fix things around the car and was inside for a moment, and when I came back, there was a package of sweets lying RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE HOUSE. Of course his trademark sweet that he "always" buys. I mean I get that it's probably an attempt to show his consideration, but this is exactly what stalkers rationalize their thinking with.
I am that close to calling the police on him. That close.
>be in long distance relationship
>didn't see each other in weeks
>want to surprise him and visit him on sunday
>make a joke that he could visit me on sunday
>"It's not worth driving that long to see you for a day"
Guess I'm not visiting him then.
why do you feel sorry for him?
ehhh what a dick>>14254
Because if we manage to hold a sucessfull family event, he's always so happy to see everyone, and he also is old and not healthy anymore. But as soon as he start stating his "opinions" I get sick.
Sounds like he really takes overbearing to the next level, to a neurotic degree. Do you know much about his own childhood?
I can't really relate much, but my dad is exactly that form of stubborn where his emotions are stronger than reason and logic and he won't budge. That can be really frustrating.
Your only fix might be to just get the hell away from him to where he can't violate your space. Unless you could enter therapy together like dysfunctional married couples do but he might be too stubborn to hear your concerns. Maybe he can be made to understand his love is 100% self serving and helps you none.
What does your mom think of this?
why do most teachers feel as tho they are especially superior? i get that they have authority and experience and therefore they deserve a certain amount of respect but this does not excuse rude behaviour. in a school where etiquette and mutual respect is valued, how can teachers get away with picking on students for a power trip or to take out anger? when there is an obvious power imbalance and teachers decide to use it to their advantage or abuse their power, how are students meant to respond? teachers are seen as role models so students will copy this behaviour but obviously challenging a teacher is seen as rebelling and therefore punishable, soooo lets all drop out. aight?
I do not know that much of his childhood, tbh. Only that his dad got sick early and he had to take over the factory they owned.
My mom actually is the same as him, but more rational and receptive to reason. They don't get along well and while she would pull the same shit just more slyly, she is definitely opposed to him doing that because she knows I will move away even if it means living in poverty if that becomes a habit. (And also because they like to have the upper hand over the other.)
A friend decided to treat me like i'm inferior/dirty simply because i don't have a lot of disposable income.
I'm one of the cleanest and more hard working people, so fuck your judgement.
It honestly hurts having someone think this of you, much more if it's an old time friend whom you don't expect to judge you or have predisposed ideas like these.
Fuck this kind of income elitism. Spoiled brats all of them.
Sorry for not having much else to offer but I hope you stuck up for yourself.
I was a bit of a late bloomer. When I finished my undergrad uni degree, I didn't know what I wanted to do, I chose the wrong post-grad program for me (I went after something that would mean more money, but soon realised whats the point if I wouldn't be happy) and so I dropped out. I'd never had a job before and after trying my hardest I finally managed to land a shitty job washing dishes. Eventually I had to tell my friends about this, and I still remember the shame and embarrasemt I felt when a girl I went to school with laughed at me for at least a minute.
"Anon, you got such good grades, oh my god haha that's hilarious".
I'd never felt so horrible about myself in my entire life, driving home was 30 horrible minutes of me resisting the urge to just speed up and let go of the wheel. That was early this year, and soon the year will be over and I can resume my education again and get a job I know I won't hate. Money really means nothing, most people who earn lots spend that extra on alcohol and food to try and fill their empty lives.
Wow this girl is a turd. Money doesn't mean shit. As long as you're fed, clothed and happy, nothing else matters. Sorry Anon.
everyone around me keeps making friends and having fun. whether it be online or off, and i'm. just always alone. i wonder why i'm so unpleasant.
when i see other people like myself try to improve & fail, it just hurts. i feel bad for them, and i pity them, despite being kind of pathetic myself.
dump him. sorry, if a guy liked you he would not wait for weeks to see you what the fuck
My eyebrows and probably my entire skull is noticeably askew, so I never feel I look good in photos or video. I don't usually have an issue with the way I think I look until I have to take a photo and confront reality. It's just shitty living in a world obsessed with selfies. I know about finding the right angle but still feels bad man. I wish I wasn't so vain.
this mega chad joined this obscure society at my uni and i hate it, lol. especially since he's making eyes at a girl i like. also he's all sunlight and joy like most normies are + the other members are just inextricably attracted to him.
it double sucks because he keeps (or at least kept, i haven't gotten a single @ from him in the discord this morning so maybe he's given up? hope so) asking me to go out places, which i don't want to do. like i reject him & rather than be a normal person and just go 'oh ok lol' or something he seems bewildered that anyone would refuse him? or he thinks i'm just trying to be funny
wish he'd just gone and joined paranormal studies or the literature club, some proper group for people like him
I still feel for your situation and the fact that Stacy-passing girls on LC just tried to rub in the struggle yesterday.
it's lame to admit but their comments sort of hurt me yesterday lol. it got to the point where i even called up my dad and asked him if i was being unreasonable
I've been selling some stuff on ebay and one of the items is a bottle of Dolce perfume. I messed up the listing when picking the auto listings and listed it as one of those spinoff perfumes, Dolce Garden, which is pink. Someone bought it and I sent it to them and last night she requested a refund. She was being super bitchy saying that the bottle didn't match the description.
Idk I'm not mad about the refund but like the pictures I put up were very clearly green and her overall cuntiness put me off. She was still acting like a cunt after she got her refund
I think my relationship is over and I'm starting to realize that there's no fixing it and I have to accept that I'll have to break up.
I want to kill myself but am too weak.
I have no access to firearms even though I could afford one.
I haven't left my bedroom since Tuesday in order to avoid my dad after a failure. I've been slipping out my window to get food in order to avoid him and always use self checkout. My savings won't last forever. All of my clothes are dirty now and I am just as terrified to face him as I was almost a week ago, I don't want to be screamed at. I hate how his girlfriend is always here and how she always says stuff to me instead of giving me some privacy and solitude when I go to the kitchen. It's so bad that I quit exiting my room as long as she was present here, no matter how thirsty or hungry I got.
I tried to sign up with a mental health clinic today but panicked and left when I saw my frizzy hair in the window, saying "tomorrow".
I am the biggest wo-manchild on crystal cafe.
What was your failure? What will he do to you if he finds put (beyond yelling)?
One of my friends is stressing me, and i'm too kind to tell them that they are.
They have turned super moody and grumpy, and started taking all jokes as serious things and they only contact me when they want to vent.
They analyse everything i say to try and turn it into a fight and have been incredibly rude to me a couple of times these past few months, then proceeded to blame them being rude to me on me.
They never do anything wrong, all things are my fault, they insult me? my fault. They are rude? my fault.
I haven't heard a single sorry from them after they did something that profoundly offended and hurt me, which i told them they did.
I think the friendship is turning severely toxic and i'm not sure what to do.
One of my friends is stressing me, and i'm too kind to tell them that they are.
They have turned super moody and grumpy, and started taking all jokes as serious things and they only contact me when they want to vent.
They analyse everything i say to try and turn it into a fight and have been incredibly rude to me a couple of times these past few months, then proceeded to blame them being rude to me on me.
They never do anything wrong, all things are my fault, they insult me? my fault. They are rude? my fault.
I haven't heard a single sorry from them after they did something that profoundly offended and hurt me, which i told them they did.
I think the friendship is turning severely toxic and i'm not sure what to do.
Sounds like a rough situation, anon. Has she been rude like this in the past, barring the past few months?
To bring a bit of perspective(though I'm not excusing either of our behaviour), I've been your friend before and it happened because of a lot of shit in my life and I couldn't handle it healthily. Do you know if she has any major issues going on in her life? I would try to approach her by asking if there's anything she wants to talk about. However, do not take shit from her if she accuses you of having an ulterior motive or such – that is very toxic behaviour and I wouldn't stand for it. I would then tell her that she's stressing you out and that perhaps you two need a friendship break. Nothing wrong with that. Hopefully, if she is an understanding friend, she will take responsibility for her behaviour and try to work on herself based on what you told her.
Oh shit, sorry, I forgot to erase your post after copypasting ._. sorry about that.
>>14340>I think the friendship is turning severely toxic>severely toxic
I was going to go to school for a specific thing but after taking the entrance exam the counselor there went "oh oops we're retiring those classes permanently". I moved here to live with him entirely to do this and now there's no telling what will happen, I've shut down since.
I feel so overwhelmed discussing the future with my dad because he will sometimes have a kneejerk explosion and latch onto an idea like a rabid dog and won't let go.
>What will he do to you if he finds put (beyond yelling)?
Nothing really. Possibly force me into some shitty career path since I know nothing and he knows everything. He might kick me out. He yelled at me for being fat as a teenager and forced me to eat rotten vegetables as some kind of punishment, he's hard to predict and it's such a wildcard what might happen. My solid plan had him pacified.
Drop her, there's no point to being friends if you aren't having fun.
Personally I'd go the cowards' way and one word response and avoid until they stop talking to you.
What the heck is going with lolcow and racebaiting posts? Is it just /pol/tards shitting up our board?
what is lolcow, I thought this was ruby coffee-house
We both have mental health issues that keep us from being productive and while mine mostly impact my own life alone, his keeps him from being there for me. It doesn't help that he's probably autistic for real and has a hard time understanding how I feel or what to do. I spoonfeed him how to be there for me and when I need him and he falls asleep at random times because his sleep schedule is shit and he won't fix it. So I sit around waiting to talk while he's sleeping peacefully and it hurts. He knows I'm currently in an awful situation and I explicitly told him I need him. So we had a huge fight and he vowed to do better. It lasted 1 day, then his alarm failed him again or something.
There's more issues, but this is the current situation and it's made me lose faith in him. We're not talking at the moment while he gets insurance figured out to get therapy, but we've already been there. A year ago. He wrote 2 emails and never even called anyone. No appointment.
I love him and my heart is breaking, I know he loves me but doesn't show it the way I need him to.
a girl is talking about her visit to an oldcodex concert
is this her hogcall to all the fujoshis
kek, but also, tee hee
we're in this college class and everyone has to do a presentation on an art event they visited
Holy shit, this is relatable. I sobbed and begged my boyfriend to go to therapy because I was so scared he was going to die. He went twice, didn't try any of the psych's recommendations, then decided therapy "didn't work for him" because even though he wouldn't go to class, didn't have a job and was overall stagnant in his life that none of that was related to why he was horrendously depressed, and his depression was so special and unique that only he could work on it himself, aka ignore his problems and continuing to live his life in the exact same stagnant way he did before.
After four years of no improvement I broke up with him and only now is he staying in therapy, and according to mutual friends he's doing much better. But I'm afraid he's only doing it to try and get me back, and that if I get back with him I can easily see him just going back to his old habits
I'm sorry to hijack your vent post with my own vent, but I guess this is a roundabout way of me saying I've kind of been there, it's heartbreaking and it's exhausting, and most importantly that shit doesn't bode well for a good relationship in the long run.
I'm sorry that this is all happening.
I hate this Master's program I am in, I hate the fact that everyone knew each other before this year so I am always alone, I hate the fact that they give you lots of work to do aat home, I hate the city it takes place in and I hate the stress of having to do projects and find an internship.
I wish I could just run away from it all and live a stress-free life.
I'm in so much emotional paint to the point where i actually feel it in my physical body, my heart hurts and i have no life or strength.
Life is not worth it anymore, no matter from what perspective i try to look at it.
I have no future, i cannot even remember a single happy memory in all my years alive, it's been almost 22 years since i was born and slightly less than those when my depression started and everyone kept telling me it will get better, but it doesn't, it didn't, and bad things just kept on happening, all the things that made me happy get tarnished one way or the other.
I wish i was still in the phase of my depression where i felt no emotions, i wish i was a husk so i could stop hurting.
My (now ex-)therapist told me this is all my fault, the facts that the meds don't hurt, the fact that i cannot forget those horrible memories, the fact that i got abused, she blamed it all on me and told me i would never improve or get better, and i wonder if she's right and i have no hope.
Even killing myself seems not worth it anymore, because i'd still be bothering people, just as a corpse.
Sorry if this makes no sense and feels like a vomit of feels, i just, keep on crying and wishing i could be happy at least once in my life.
how do i know if i'm orbiting someone?
I don't think women can orbit. The term has a kind of sexist implication to it, but basically to be orbiting you have to be kept around as a pet to give attention and provide an ego boost while the person you orbit gives you tingly butterfly feelings that will never be fulfilled. Not that this doesn't happen, but usually every male/female platonic pairing will be accused of being this dynamic.
Do you feel like a pet that is only their to boost this other person's ego, give them attention and have their grief/troubles dumped on you?
Do you bake cookies for a guy you like for no reason?
>>14373>therapist blaming you for abuse
soounds retarded. find a proper one
I wish lolcow was more organized. It's a complete mess there.
I hate that I lost one of my best friends just because his girlfriend didn't approve of him talking to me.
We never even dated! We only flirted a bit in the beginning of our friendship, but nothing came out of that, because we knew were better off as just friends.
He introduced me to a lot of awesome new things, and offered a different perspective on topics.. it was nice to have someone like that around.
I miss him a lot, but I hope he's happy at least.
>>14406>>best friend>>having his gf dictate who he can and cannot speak with
He sounds like a cuck. I'd never drop a friend because my SO had a problem with them unless they were disrespecting our relationship. But have them drop them because they're the opposite sex? That's fucking stupid.
They'll break up within one year, dont worry he will come back to you.
Just look forward to teasing him for being a stupid ass.
idk, anon sounds mentally stunted from having depression for so long. I don't really trust her account of things.
how many therapists have you met so far?>>14389
she mentioned (ex)-therapist so there's some hope
I've been asking around for some work and in the process bumped into an old acquaintance.
We chatted a bit, later exchanged emails, were meant to meet up for a coffee during this week (she was to check her schedule and tell me when). She seemed to be very happy to see me, and it was really nice to be talking with her.
Presumably she's simply busy; I've found an excuse to send her a reminder (thanking her for some advice she gave) and that yielded no reply either.
See, in normal circumstances the above's not a big deal - and I don't harbor any resentment, mind you - but I'm already looking forward to the reminder of how lonely I am to sting for the rest of the weekend.
I'm scared. I'm having a medical abortion on sunday and nobody knows. Not even my best friend, not even my boyfriend. Abortion is illegal where I live, I had to get the pills from a group of women that sell the medicine and help you through the process. This week has been fucking hard and I feel so bad for my bf. He thinks he's infertile, but I don't want to tell him because he's against abortion. I just want to get this over and not die.
Anon you should tell him anyway. Or a close family member. What if something goes wrong and you die (worst case scenario but still)? You should talk to someone.
Agreed, I know it's scary to think of what will happen if you tell your family/bf but it will be so much worse if something goes seriously wrong and there's no one to help you…
This'll sound mean but I'm sick of friends who project their insecurities onto other people and complain about every instance they perceive as a personal attack on their self-confidence.
>the girl I'm dating used to have a foreign ex-bf, that means she's only settling for me and actually prefers Italian guys!!!
>my crush likes so-and-so celebrity who has (insert feature I don't have), he probably finds me unattractive and ugly
>society says (insert feature I don't have) is more desirable, I'm completely fucked
>I just overheard someone complimenting (insert feature I don't have), I feel so ugly now
>it's sad when girls wear coloured contacts to cover up their brown eyes, they shouldn't be so insecure
I've tried telling them that liking one thing doesn't automatically mean hating other things but that's how they see it. People can like both brown and green eyes, both blonde girls and brunette girls and so forth. I understand having insecurities but it's like they're misinterpreting things in the most negative way possible and listening to them is starting to make me feel down too.
I’ve finally cried to my bffs about my insecurities in romance. It felt like such a huge weight was lift from my shoulders since I’ve been meaning to cry to them sometime. I truly love them and they provided good advice, especially my guy friend. It feels nice to know that there are people outside of imageboards who understand how you feel…<3
I hate having a roommate even tho we just share the bathroom space. She just left a note telling me to clean because she cleans "frequently" but it's still dirty. I know that she doesn't and it's definitely her hair that gets stuck everywhere. Like I could report her ass for having overnight male guests at our all girls college and keeping me up at 3 am but ok…I clean at least once a week and never leave my stuff out, so it's basically like I never use the bathroom.
Just don't do it. If she left a note she's probably too much of a pussy to lie to your face. Dorms are terrible, I'm glad I'm out of mine. Girls who bring over their boyfriends all the time and don't go to sleep at reasonable times are the worst.
I’m posting this here because I know if I texted it to my dad, he probably wouldn’t care or wouldn’t respond, and I just need to get it out so it’s not bothering me inside.
Context: my parents moved me into an apartment when I was 18 due to my older, diagnosed sociopathic (with extremely violent tendencies), brother abusing me. Ive worked so hard in medical school to make my dad proud of me, while my brother is mean to everyone, fails every semester for the past 6 years, and doesn’t care about anyone else. We were supposed to go to the movies Friday together to celebrate an achievement I had completed. I got forgotten about again. Found out the next day he “forgot” about me and took my brother to the movies, insted of me. I only got a call bc my brother left his phone in the theater and they wanted me to find it on my computer since i use to work in IT. My dad then realized he “forgot” about me, apologized a bunch and promised we’d go Sunday night, and that he’d make it up to me and we’d have so much fun. We made the plans exact and everything. I was so excited, told all my coworkers and friends, couldn’t wait. It’s monday morning, and I’ve been “forgotten” again. No phone call still. I know I might sound like this overly sensitive loser over something that’s not a big deal, but I just was really upset and let down again…. I usually just save these texts to my drafts and only rarely send them, bc I don’t want my dad to feel bad or make him feel like I’m trying to guilt him, but it just doesn’t make me feel better anymore.
This was the text I wanted to send:
I waited at home dressed to go to the movies all yesterday afternoon and night waiting for your call until 2am. I didn’t get any call. Tried calling many times bc it was getting late and I thought something important came up and that’s why you forgot about me, but there was no answer. And when my friends went out, I said I couldn’t go bc I wanted to go to the movies with my dad so badly and I had been so excited all day to go with you. When it got late they said that maybe you had just cancelled and I should just come out with them and I said “no way! my dad would’ve called me, he’s probably just running late from his lunch or something, we’re still going we had plans, no way, he’s going to call any second”. But then it got later and later and I realized that you had forgotten about me. I didn’t even get a phone call. I wanted to text you this last night at 2am bc I was really upset but I thought there was some tiny chance you would still call me back and that there had just been some really important thing that came up. But then mom called me about medical stuff and mentioned in passing that you were mad that BRO had slept till 8pm yesterday. Is that why our plans were canceled? Why our movie date was canceled? Bc of BRO? Why is it when I can’t go bc of work or being sick, you still go to the movies without me with BRO, everytime. But when BRO can’t go to the movies, coincidentally I don’t get a phone call, my calls aren’t answered, and the plans we have get canceled with me waiting to go all night and just being forgotten. Even though I didn’t even know that you had invited him to come with us for our movie. This is around the 24th time that this has happened, just this year alone. But it never happens to BRO. Just me. He never gets forgotten. And even though you went with him on friday, our plans get canceled… just bc he can’t go? I thought… idk I just thought it was important or something. Idk if I’m just being overly upset but it’s happened so, so many times, all bc BRO couldn’t go and I end up waiting all night and telling everyone I’m excited to hang out with my dad tonight and then I don’t even get a phone call, coincidentally every time BRO can’t go. I just wanted our plans to be as important to you, as much as your plans with BRO are important to you. And it really feels like they aren’t. I just get forgotten again bc he’s more important, I guess? How can I ever compete against that? I don’t mean to make you feel bad at all, I’m just upset. I guess if you see this maybe you could call me? Sorry for the long text.
Apologies for shutting up the thread I just needed to vent
Don't worry, anonette. Your feelings are valid and tbh you should talk to your dad. I wouldn't send him the text because it'd definitely make him sad and it seems that you've been trying to avoid that. But talk to him in person if you can, and tell him you've been hurt by the fact he hasn't done the things he's promised to do with you, and that you hope he changes because you feel forgotten. Hope this helps, and I hope you feel better.
Thanks anon, I didn’t expect anyone to ever read my bs or respond, but it actually feels kinda good to know that someone read it. You’re exactly right in saying that I just want him to listen and understand that it hurts when he breaks his promises to me. Thank you for the advice, really, it means more than you could know, esp when you feel invisible and unheard. I’ll go to his house and try to talk to him in person when I’m not upset and more clear headed.
I wish I didn’t care that much, but he’s the most important person to me, and he’s the greatest man I know in the entire world, so I guess that why I seek his validation and attention so much. Thanks again anon, I really do feel better just knowing someone read it.
You're welcome, I am glad I could help!
I violated a condition my restraining order and I'm not sure what the consequences are going to be in December when the law finds out. I was immature and didn't think things through very hard.
It's such bullshit that I had my hair ripped out, was beaten in the ribs with a wooden rod, was punched over and over as I laid in the fetal position, was given black eyes and a concussion, had my wrist bent too far and had to make a homemade splint, all these things because I tried to leave the house and in the end I am ordered that I must notify the court in person whenever I move because I am just oh so dangerous and they must keep an eye on me. That fucking psycho gets to play victim and I'm the one who has to be watched. I worked for over a year while having no control of my debit card or own bank account, paid every car payment for someone else's vehicle, and in the end I'm the "master manipulator". I was on my knees with a concussion begging to go to the psychward and was told no because my battery injuries were so obvious that she would certainly go to jail.
Had I gone to the battered women's shelter like a social worker suggested I did, they probably would have helped me get a restraining order first. But instead I went to my only friend's house.
All that went through my mind was that it was bullshit I had to inform the authorities of an address change for this abusive victim's sake. That was retarded and rash, I wonder now if there will be a warrant for my arrest in my home state once they realize I skipped town. Oh well.
That's horrible, I hope the consequences you face won't be harsh. I wish I couldhelp you somehow but I'm just text on the internet. So I will just wish you good luck
Cell off, anon. Take the battery and SIM out too. That's the first thing they check nowadays.
Best of luck.
commuting took 1.5 hours today and I was late D:<
If using a car or a bicycle isn't an option, what can you do?
I miss my cat so much
I will always love youuu TT
I have no social skills, am poor, and live in the middle of nowhere. I think I'll just die.
So I'm not the only one LIVING IT UP this Halloween i see.
I already complained about this elsewhere but I'm REALLY FUCKING BOTHERED by this admittedly to the point of driving me to insanity. I haven't felt this way about someone in a looong time.
>make a friend somewhere on twitter
>they live in the same city as me
>we bond in conversations
>we talk to each other
>we meet up
>it's awkward and they get the wrong signals but i explain it out
>we talk for more and stuff
>we meet again in their house and they try to come onto me like they did last time and have been trying for months
>they ignore me for 3 days
>they say they acted like that because of out of stress and being half-asleep, and that they got boners with me because it was random (bullshit, he didn't say this and i saw the way he looked at me), and he didn't like me like that all so i was making him uncomfortable when i would hug him or touch him to be nice to him
>they also say im weird and creepy and start insulting me because i called them a faggot as a banter because they wouldn't send me the pictures they took of me which they later deleted
>they said the last thing which feels like gaslighting tbqh because i said i wasnt attracted to them all and didnt see them all
So I'm confused and not sure if I misread him the whole time or am I being gaslighted, but either way this reminds me of why I dislike people in my home town because they always judge me for being weird and treat me coldly and it reminds me of what I went through in high school and middle school; except I befriended someone like that. They know I'm bipolar and have a lot of issues and they threw it in my face and pretended like they were "concerned" because they're university graduate normalfaggots with a social circle. I feel they are tense with me and dislike me.
Sorry for the fucking rambling its just a lot of emotions right now I'm honestly upset for confiding so much into that person and apparently misreading them ??? I'm so confused idk what to do. My ego is hurt but I wanna block and move on. I know I sound very disorganized and childish I get it and I'm an idiot but I need outside opinion really bad.
I saw your plight on lc.
Honestly I feel like he's the issue and not you, since you're in a relationship (iirc?) and did make it clear to him that you aren't attracted. And it's bull that he "doesn't like you like that," the man asked to suck your titties ffs. Hugs from your end are fine and completely platonic, but there's no way asking to have your dicked touched and to let your friend fondle her is non-sexual.
It seems he's trying to pull a nonchalant "yeah, I'm not into you" while also leaving the door open just in case you decide you want to fuck him. In short, yes, gaslighting you by making you think his obvious signals aren't signals.
Anyway it's not your fault, and I agree you should just move on from this mess of a person.
I guess I'm just hurt a lot because they're pulling the oh you're a crazy mentally ill person who lives in a basement and has no friends card on me, and coaxing it in faux concern, and that's really hurtful because I confided to them about it. We used to have good rapport with each other and they told me Im theyre best firend. I'm honestly really scared I was being played for this long and this person is more than a manipulative prick since it seems especially cruel and insidious. I feel really bad, idk. I guess we can keep talking, I'm tempted to keep poking at the bear to see what they'll do next so my gut can be confirmed but it's just my insanity talking. I do really appreciate your words though and I'm trying to move on but this is cutting me.
My boyfriend is struggling so much with depression. Almost every day he tells me how he feels worthless, how he hates himself, how he wants to die. I'm trying my best to be positive. I don't know what to do. Whenever he gets down I try to shut off my emotions as much as possible. I try my best to stay calm and give him a positive outlook when we're together, but as soon as I have a quiet moment alone, all those negative emotions catch up to me and overwhelm me completely.
Right now I feel like there's no hope. When he comes home today I'll put on the mask again. I'll act cheerful, I'll act passionate, I'll act as if I feel loved by him, I'll act as if the things he says about himself don't hurt me. In his own way he is trying, he is going to make me a special dinner this weekend. I've praised him so much and I've been telling him all week I'm so excited for it. I have to set the tone for the relationship and lead him better so we can both be happy. If I get depressed too it's over for the both of us. Although we have a lot of bad times there are still good times.
Oh anon. I don't know what to say, just know you're not alone in this mess. I'm in a similar boat, trying to stay happy and positive as often as possible, because I feel it's the only thing I can do that kinda helps. I'm also too proud to talk to anyone about this so I just keep it bottled up inside and it's not doing me good at all.
Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words. But it's not good to bottle up things anon, what is going on?
Why do you put up with this? Just dump him.
I admit I am loyal to a fault. I love him a lot and the only way I would leave is if I didn't love him anymore, he didn't love me, or if he abused me. I would dump someone I didn't care about, but I know we both love each other and will do our best to make things work. To me he is not just my boyfriend but someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with. He told me frequently he wanted to marry me and he saw a bright future with me, and so did I. But I know how depression is, it just hits and I've seen it happen to friends. You can have everything in the world and still be depressed. I know I can't fix it for him, but I can help him and be a positive influence in his life. I am his only support. And having strong support is a huge factor in overcoming depression.
Yes, give up immediately things get difficult. That's the solution to all relationship problems.
I've received recommendation that I should be more outspoken about how I feel about things.
Being a notorious shut-in, I've pushed myself a little and started getting myself involved in conversations. Nothing special, just about music and current affairs.
Does it always feel so awfully vulnerable to be putting your feelings in the open? Feels like I'm pushing on a hammer, I'm pushing my luck and it'll topple any second now.
Because she wants to support her boyfriend? If they were to get married it's literally in the vowels 'for better or worse'. She loves him anon and you're suppose to support the person you love. Though you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for his. I tend to do this sometimes since my boyfriend also has depression and he's bipolar. But you have to remember to take care of yourself as well.
I don't like the things that used to make me happy anymore. I don't listen to music anymore. I don't play the piano, or the guitar anymore. I don't read anymore.
I don't draw anymore. I don't dream anymore. I don't fight with others anymore, I don't defend myself anymore. I don't reach out anymore.
I don't get out of bed anymore. I don't do anything anymore. I might as well be dead.
I'm certainly not alive.
i want to make tik toks but i'm ugly, so i know nobody would watch
the same thing happened with my vines lol
sincerely hope i'm reborn as a cute girl or even a hot guy
yeah that sums it all up pretty well
I'm rooting for you, I've been there most of my life really. every day is new and it's an opportunity for you to do something new or take a step forward on something. keep trying to be better or get better and i bet your emotions and feelings (the good ones) will step back in line given time. Well i'm not REALLY sure but that sounds right doesn't it? If you end up blinking and realizing months have passed and you are the same then maybe see if you can talk to a therapist
You have to be 18 to post here. Why would you want to post videos on websites full of underage people?
I wish my father would stop projecting his insecurities onto me. I’m in Africa for a year, and my dads in Canada and he insists I go to school here to learn Arabic and get a job here. I don’t want to get a job here or really be here. I get it’s my country and where my family is from but just because it’s my parents home doesn’t mean it’s MY HOME. Why can’t he understand that? People here are extremely religious, racist, sexist and homophobic and I can’t say anything because I’m “from North America where we’re not taught right.” My dad says just ignore them but It’s hard when he literally wants me to LIVE here… I was born and raised in Canada and I have a life there that my parents don’t even acknowledge. They’ve hated every friend and potential partner ever because “they don’t matter.”
Today’s phone call was what really upset me.
“Anon, you have to study Arabic you’ll thank me later in life because no matter how hard you try you will ALWAYS be second class in Canada’s eyes. You will NEVER integrate. I’m your father, I know what’s best for you and I’m not going to be here in 20 to 30 years when you will eventually realize this if you dont realize this now. You’re young, you think this is home but it’s not and it never will be so just go work on your Arabic and spend time with your family. Forget about this place. It’s not where you belong.”
This just makes me want to go back as soon as I can… I’m really depressed here and I know it’s just my fathers projections because I have never felt second class or out of place but I ironically enough do feel it here… the last time I was here was when i was 7, I came to visit my great grandpa, so why does he insist that this is where I belong???
I had a really great weekend and now it's Sunday night and I'm pissed about having to drag myself to work tomorrow and just have literal back-to-back meetings and scheduled shit all day. Goddammit.
you sound like a dumb bitch who gets taken advantage off, you probably like when your bf degrades you
I've fallen for a close guy friend over the course of six months and just found out through a mutual that he is crazy for me. He doesn't know that I know. I wish no one had told me, because both this guy and I are in long term relationships already (talking 10+ years).
I was SO determined to let this obsession of mine fizzle out. I wasn't gonna feed into it. Shit happens, I figured I'd shake it off eventually. But no! Knowing that it's not one sided like I originally assumed is driving me fucking nuts. His subtle romantic gestures were not a figment of my imagination. At the same time, I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life, because I get to spend time with and bond with such a special person. Neither of us has the balls to confess and I honestly don't think it'll ever happen. It's gross how good we are together. Like we read eachother's minds. I adore him. He's wicked smart, wise beyond his years, hilarious, and kind to everyone. I know I have to suck it up and just be friends with him til the end, but it makes me sick and ashamed to love someone more than my current partner who I committed to. I didn't think that would happen in a million years, really.
I know I have the discipline to keep my hands to myself. If I can go six months without telling him how I feel, I can do it forever. Ouch though.
I will never be a professor
you're in a though situation right now but i really feel like you sholdn't just suck this feelings up and never act on them. it sounds like you really really like this guy plus he's a close friend so unless you just stop seeing him you'll always ask yourself ''what if…'' if you don't do anything about your situation
plus, it's kinda unfair to your current partner, don't you think? you want to commit 100% but you'll never be able to like this.
i think you really need to think about who/what you really want. how is your current relationship going? can you really just ignore the feelings you have for your friend?
Being a NEET is too easy. I want to do more but keep reverting to destructive habits. While I have an idea of what I can do to improve and have been taking small steps for the past few months, I haven't accomplished much compared to my peers and even damaged relationships with some good people due to a mindset warped by depression and BPD. Then again, my actions are on me and not my disorder.
I can drown in self-pity, know that it's futile to engage in cyclic verbal abuse and instead persevere towards stability. I can do those things. Why haven't I maintained consistency in those mantras at the very least?
I hate my character. I want to get better. Two contradictory statements, since the latter implies that I see something worth sculpting in the former. I wish I had enough money for medication and a psychologist.
I've got this silly issue of forgetting what made me do certain things unless I consciously try to remember it - otherwise the true reason eventually gets lost behind the kinds of reasons I give people when they ask me about it
(though I suppose that isn't so uncommon, at least the process itself: just something people do without being aware of it?)
Like with Japanese I always tell people that I saw it at the bottom of a list of hardest languages to learn for a westerner and decided to challenge myself on it, and sometimes I'd almost believe that story myself, if I didn't have memory of how the first time I was asked about it I just spontaneously remembered having seen a list like that and mentioned it on a whim
Mhm the issue with these sorta questions is that it's too easy to give an interesting sounding answer - before I know it I'm saying something like "I guess I was always interested in creative endeavors; I'd value a work more the further disconnected it was from real life while still managing to connect itself via a consistent thread to the world we know - Japanese just struck me as a means to reach further "out" than the languages I knew would let me, probably because of the impressions anime left on me."
It'd be nice to argue that just by virtue of having come up with a reason like that I could comfortably claim it as one of mine, but confidence in that fact gets lost, for lack of better phrasing, when you know that what you were thinking while writing that out was just how to intrigue the reader.
The more I think about my "reasons" the more pseudo-motives I come up with. It's like I'm diluting myself or something, stretching myself across more and more made up reasons.
Hell, knowing myself I'd unconsciously reject any uninteresting yet true motive just due to not wanting to acknowledge it. That I could still live with actually, if only it didn't make it this difficult to stick to one modus, to be true to one "fake," instead of flipping between personae without feeling any attachment to any of them.
That's what I meant with the conscious remembering at the start. Whenever I tackle something new these days, like a book, a skill to learn, making new acquaintances and so on, I make a sort of mental snapshot of the impression I originally held at the time, with the idea that it'll allow me to keep track of, well, the truth of myself, trifling it may be. A sort of anti-measure to giving my mind time to pull its shenanigans. Been working out alright I guess; let me better appreciate some things
The issue though are things I can't apply this on, here both the subject and object get philosophical. Like, why do I care about intriguing people? It's like I'm one of those typical wannabe protagonists of life who eventually felt obligated to take an extra step after realizing there were other similar people, fell off a cliff and now can't see the starting point anymore.
The worst part is putting the whole spiel into words, since as soon as I've got an audience I start warping stuff to make myself seem more like a special snowflake, and from there it tumbles into a meta rabbit hole of me trying to find the essence of myself, the root that makes me want to seem interesting, without explaining it away with a superficial reason that is itself designed to seem interesting. Maybe my issue is that I made myself part of my own audience.
someone i hate just joined my newest circle of friends.
the reasons for my hatred are mostly (somewhat? i dunno) petty so i can't tell anyone, i guess i'll have to deal with seeing their face.
they don't remember me because i've glammed up since we were last acquainted, but. yeah. fuck i hate it so goddamn much
would not be so mad if they were also originally an anxious nut like me but she's a femchad w/ a ton of good friends that take her traveling and stuff!
>>15338>and even damaged relationships with some good people due to a mindset warped by depression and BPD
What did you do?
My current relationship is hanging on by a thread because my guy got complacent. He conquered me, his work is done. This seems common among my friends too. I'm deeply afraid that every man is like this. I think, if I run off with my friend, there's no guarantee he'll actually be a better partner in the end.
I have about a million excuses not to go through with it. Idk. Thanks for your response, though. It is a tough time. I'll be thinking about this a lot.