/feels/ - Tired of Things not Working out for Me

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Tired of Things not Working out for Me Anonymous 07/04/25 (Fri) 10:05:13 PM123224

Just graduated college and nothing’s really worked out how I hoped. High School especially, but also college to some degree, were rough for me socially. Barely got attention from guys most of my life. Started getting some over the past year, but it's mostly been disasters. One dude was a Letterboxd freak who tried to touch me, stood me up, and publicly wrote weird, angry stuff about me on his account. Tried Hinge—been on multiple dates recently and they’ve all been awful. One guy got mad at me for not thinking Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is deep art and “representative of the human condition” and then started playing alone on a playground mid-date.
I’ve moved back to my hometown and have been doing a 9 to 5 ever since graduation. I tried auditioning for a band and signing up for an art class to make life feel less mind numbing, but the band rejected me and the class guy never replied. I've tried using bumble bff but I don't have much time to text so most people lose interest quickly. I live with an alcoholic dad who screams at me and puts me down, and the house is literally full of black mold. I kind of had a couple of friends in college (none that really returned my efforts fully), but here, I have pretty much nobody except for one person who I rarely ever see. I had to break up with my ex of a few months before leaving my college town, partially because of the move. He was really the only guy I’ve ever gone out with who I felt was decent and with who there was a mutual effort involved at the very least. I tried messaging him recently and it wasn’t a bad conversation but it felt very sterile—almost like he never actually cared in the first place.
Just feel like I’m rotting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, living in a horrible house, with no hope of ever having a proper boyfriend or even my own apartment (with the rent prices around where I live). I know this sounds dramatic but I seriously don’t know what I’m doing. I feel completely cooked.

Anonymous 07/04/25 (Fri) 10:07:09 PM123225

Like, what should I even do about the situation with the weird men? Should I just take a break? Do I just need to try harder? Is hinge just bad and I should try something else? I've tried so hard already– is it time to just accept that maybe it's not meant for me for some reason? Should I just get up one day and move out of my house on savings with a temporary job even though I may not be able to return home to my father after that? Is there a reason why this could all be happening to me specifically, or is this just a normal thing to be experiencing at 22? Could someone even go out with you for two months and be baking for you, telling you things like "it would be worth it for you" and "i'll wait for you and stand by you", be paying significant money for all your stuff, and sleeping in the same bed with you night after night, but not actually care?

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 03:36:48 AM123235

Dating apps are all shit, dont get with random men who approach you. If you like gardening go to a community garden, if you like books go to a book club, if you like what ever the fuck you like just find a local community about the hobby you enjoy. Try starting conversation with some of the guys, by getting to know them you get to avoid going on a shitty date. Dont go for the men who approach you, instead go for the men who you need to approach, they are less likely to be creeps.

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 03:40:58 AM123236

>>123235
not op, but similar situation. I won't do dating apps or go to bars. I like reading, but I don't want to join a normie book club. I go to /lit/ for my autistic preferences and discussions. It is unironically a good board imo.
I don't really have many hobbies that require me going outside. I lost all my college friends too because if i wasn't doing all the effort to make plans, we would never hang out and I just got exhausted and felt hurt they would never initiate. So now I am like friendless and live wit my mom who also doesn't know anyone.
Every moid i communicate with seems god awful. Idk what to do but i want kids :(

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 06:04:17 AM123237

>>123224
>>123236
She >>123235 is right, forget apps, IRL only, go to places where you can find friends
Also ask people to set you up. People LOVE that.
Surely you interact with people all the time, distant relatives, coworkers, girlfriends etc
You probably get asked if you have a man or not, instead of replying no ask them if they know anyone or do the same thing but low key if you're embarassed (eg "nah, can't seem to find anyone decent") or half jokingly ("haha, want to set me up with someone?")

Chances are you've been simply ignoring a plethora of options

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 06:08:42 AM123238

>>123236
Require is a key word. You go to places that might be fun instead of going to neccessary places only
You need to scout unfortunately

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 02:05:03 PM123242

>>123237
I can only recall maybe one time in the past two and a half years where I've been asked if I have a boyfriend or not lmao. Most people have told me that they assume I don't want one. I'm not sure if the two are related, and I've been dressing way more typically/femininely than I used to over the past year (Not even just for guys– for myself mainly), but a lot of people also kind of assume that I at least like girls to some degree.

I've gone through so many phases of dressing (with some where that assumption would be understandable…) so I do think that it's probably just something to do with the way my face or hair looks.

But about the irl thing, I feel like I have been trying. But I'm struggling to find things for people my age, and I tried to sign up for art classes at my local community college but realized that they only offer them after 5 pm in the fall. And so I tried to ask about one (which, was probably going to have much older people anyway) that was taking place somewhere different, but my email never got responded to. I tried to go to an event at the community college but it got rained out. And then I got rejected from that band. Like, idk. I did marching band in college for three years (went maybe four times a week). I was told most people perceived me as quiet, but I got along with everyone, did my best to make friends and initiate conversations with people. But I only made a handful of legitimate friends I did stuff with, and was never once properly asked out (one time a guy sniffed my hair when he hugged me tho?? That was weird. Idk. A lot of the people who did that were strange regardless… But still lol)

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 02:09:42 PM123243

>>123237
And about the apps, it's a bit difficult for me since I did my ex on there. If that hadn't happened, I probs would have given up on them a long time ago, but now I have the hope that I'll find another decent guy that way LOL

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 04:47:54 PM123245

>>123236
Plenty of people like Gravity's Rainbow, The Waves, and The Brothers Karamazov, nona. You can find people like that and have interesting discussions while avoiding the /pol/ and misogyny that permeate every board of 4chan.

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 06:04:06 PM123246

this is all realworld. college likely doesn't teach you anything about that. so i would recommend against all the people who would tell you to fake it till you make it and instead realize that you are a beginner at life and be humble and honest about it because that way you leave yourself room to learn. fake it till you make it people don't learn and you have to learn how to make the best of your particular life. honesty is currency in the real world. theater is worthless.

8 hours a day work leaves very little time to have a human life. that's a problem
work should not feel like a waste. that's a problem.
your father not being healthy, that's a problem. count how much he drinks and then get him to gently reduce it every month or so. from 8 beers to 7 beers to 6 beers and so on. gently because people can die from cold turkey alcohol withdrawal. be a role model, eat healthy with him, go on walks with him, teach him how to skate, skate yourself. dance. don't waste away, choose life.

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 07:36:55 PM123254

>>123224
>full of black mold

not 100% sure on how to get rid of the mold that is already there, i think just spraying pure industrial alcohol on it kills it but more important is that you understand how to prevent the conditions for the mold to thrive:

i recommend this channel, it is full of interesting information on how important air quality is and how to get it with just a little effort and not that much money in building materials. this would be the kind of thing you could watch and do with your dad as a fun, positive project to improve both of your lives 💪. could be nice to have positive feelings of success together and remember that life can be nice and doesn't have to be a chore.

https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyHomeGuide/videos

Anonymous 07/05/25 (Sat) 08:54:21 PM123256

>>123246
He won't stop drinking and there's nothing I can do about it. He screams and yells if anyone even suggests he's an alcoholic or that he needs to stop. He will be like this until he dies. I don't like to spend time with him or even speak to him because his favorite activity is to scream and yell and he will take any opportunity to do so– he's objectively a nasty, mentally ill, miserable man. It's sad, but he will not change and I have no control over it. The only way out is to leave.