/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>126942
This happens like extremely rarely anyway

>>126942
You're right, and you also helped double convince me against even thinking about messing with this guy tonight. I was caught between "is he cute or the only guy dressed well tonight" and that's probably enough of a reason to just not.
I've been on the back end of that scenario, it's not fun. he was a porn sick guy who really didn't care about the woman's looks so long as they had a large cup size. I am small chested and eventually he sprung the "gift" of implants on me. And yeah it would be using the guy in a gross way, even if he technically is interested (but with a presumably excited and willing partner which I guess I'm not). My thoughts for getting with him absolutely are not virtuous though, I am lonely and post bad breakup with the aforementioned asshole lmao. I think some girls with uggos are like me, and some probably have low self esteem too like one of my friends who absolutely could do better than her ogrish Redditor bf

icl my boyfriend is hella ugly

>>126959
mine too lol but im so into it he's just so unique i need him. only problem is i cant stop thirsting over randoms bc theyre attractive. its too bad attractive men dont have personalities

>>126942
eh I dated a guy who wasn't conventionally attractive. He was so clingy and always wanted to be touching and kissing me or whatever, but sometimes he repulsed me. He didn't have optimal hygiene either what didn't help .

But I didn't date him as some sacrifice or whatever, I actually developed feelings for him , and over time he did start to become attractive to me. Idk how I was so blind. I started to like his smile and his eyes and freckles. Thinking back to moments I saw him, I do still look back and remember finding him attractive. But when I actually see pictures of him I'm embarrassed he can even say he was with me.

Idk if looks really matter. I'm currently talking to a guy I don't find super attractive but he's nice and I guess I could be able to find him cute if he is charismatic irl as well. But I probably wouldn't be able to find interest in someone who is actually super objectively ugly. Maybe thats shallow idk

>>126942
>some ppl actually think this is a virtuous act
Who the hell… Yeah no, it's just awful.
>dating ppl you're not physically attracted to
Yeah, that and not figuring out your sexuality beforehand.
I've never been physically attracted to anyone, but when I started dating, I thought that desire would develop over time and I'd come to like sex if I just tried it. My boyfriend was very handsome and I really liked his appearance in an aesthetic sense. I didn't really want to have sex with him though. I thought, maybe that's normal for women, I just need to try harder, I just need to read more on how to have sex, I just need to practise, I just need to fantasise about him specifically and figure out how to get aroused at the sight of him, etc..
I thought the problem was that I just didn't love him enough, got really insecure about it and then we broke up.
Took me way too long to figure out that I'm asexual.
I wish I could've just told him because I really did like him.
I wish I'd figured myself out sooner or just asked him to wait when he asked me out. Or at least confided in him regarding my insecurities around sex and attraction. But I was afraid of hurting him by telling him something like that so… Yeah, I felt awful. I didn't do it on purpose but I could've hurt him really deeply. I'm glad he moved on quickly at least and started fucking around before we even broke up properly. Not really cheating because it was an open relationship sorta deal.
That relationship ended almost two decades ago when there wasn't much information on asexuality in my language (there still isn't). Even at LGBTQ+ awareness things now, it's rarely brought up. At least knowing about the concept would've been helpful…

i think a lot of women date men they aren’t attracted to because they’re conditioned to be polite and kind and never judge a book by its cover. i never see men shamed for calling women ugly. i think a lot of men will settle for whatever will let them have sex with it. gender sometimes doesn’t even matter. they’ll fuck a hole in a park bench.

>>126942
Idk, I was attracted to this one person because they had the same mental illness as a family member of mine, I think I was projecting on him, but I couldn't help it. It hurt to see him suffer from the same thing and I couldn't help but love him more for it. He rejected me though because he didn't see me the same way. He wasn't ugly, but he had some unusual features I wouldn't normally be attracted to.

every bf i’ve ever had i’ve settled for

my first bf dated me while not being attracted to me and spent the entire relationship negging me. now it's hard for me to accept that my now-bf/fiance is actually attracted to my body and not just my personality. how do i get over this?

>>127339
What is the point then. You're essentially dragging around a ball and chain.

>>127348
i left eventually. and i think very badly of those abusers now. i was abused and had very low self esteem. i wasn’t allowed to have any until i realized how shit these people really were.

>>127349
Good for you !!

>>126943
these replies say otherwise lol

>>127350
thank you. i think i’m a lot smarter and stronger and i like myself more now. and i don’t like those men one bit.