/feels/ - Advice & Venting

is your problem that you don't get friends or respect from normies?
my understanding is that to be seen as normal you need to adopt their lame social norms. smile when appropriate, be reciprocal when appropriate. is there anything specific preventing you from doing so? usually that's enough to get accepted. people just want to know they can expect you to act how they need you to act. then you can be seen as normal even if you're the lamest person in the world. but that's only a general rule.

you kind of have to lobotomize yourself and be a smiley happy person so the normies will see you as 'safe' and interact with you. they looove small talk, and love pretending like nothing is wrong in the world. normies don't like subversion so save the weirdo autist shit for when you and them are much better friends

people act a certain way in public and unwind when they get to know. you guys just aren’t getting to that point with people. other people are anxious too.

>>126977
not op but how do i master small talk? what topics do they like? ive isolated for so long im forgetting how to talk to normies fml

>>126980
I prefer acting like muhself right off the bat unless I need something from the other party. I'm surprised so little people do this but I guess they care about their image way more than I do

>>127004
when you say small talk i'm assuming you mean quick chats with strangers. really it just comprises of things that are safe to talk about. some examples

1. the weather (i know but especially if it's been bad/nice recently)
>"it's been so nice out, what have you been up to?"
>"it's so cold, i just want to stay inside all day"

2. the location
>"this shop is so cute! i'm going to be broke by the end of the day"
>"have you been to ____ yet? it has a nice vibe!"
>"it's been so busy recently!"

3. shared obligations
>"uni work is killing me"
>"it's been slow on my end of things, what about you?"

4. hobbies/interests
>"this song is so good, i bet i could play it on guitar/piano/(insert instrument you play)"
>"i think i'll go hiking this weekend, what are you up to?"

bonus points if you combine things. like this -
>"it's been so sunny recently! i think i'll head out to the country this weekend and do some birdwatching."

compliments go far as well. after you compliment them and they say 'thank you' you can always ask them more to keep the conversation going, eg. 'where did you get the inspiration?'

the conversation doesn't have to end because you can't think of anything to say. often, you can just say what you're thinking (eg "it's so busy in here i feel so warm and i'm nervous i'm sweating and scaring everyone off haha"), or 'repeat' what they've said back to them. example:

them: yea, i got this tshirt from a charity shop
you: from a charity shop?
them: yea! pretty solid find!
you: yesss it looks so good!

the important thing to remember is to smile, or at least have a positive air about you, and be kind. pretend like everyone's your friend, and they are more likely to become your friend

and this point >>127007 is important to keep in mind. it's easier to make and KEEP friends when you're not spending mental energy pretending to be someone else.

me personally i have very little filter (i say what's on my mind) and i try to be smiley and kind to everyone, i almost can't help but smile when i'm talking to people (clerks, people in queues, people on the street), so i guess that's a good strat. people are drawn to authenticity. in order to be a happy trusting person you have to change your mindset from "i'm prey, they're all thinking negatively about me" to "no one is thinking about me as much as they're thinking about themselves.. i can do whatever i want because i am epic"

glhf

Like another anon said, start making small talk. If you listen to normie small talk, it's just the most mundane shit. But once you start chatting and connecting with someone it feels good.

Learn people's names. Remember what they like. They'll usually reciprocate.

>>126975
make eye contact and smile and have a high pitched voice. acting dumb is also underrated.

>>126977
>constantly smiling so much that it’s become the default
>love useless small talk that passes the time without bonding over topics of significant depth
>so used to pretending like nothing is wrong with the world that I started believing it
fuck am I already normiefied?
it feels pretty good ngl and I think I’d take this over being alone. but the thought that I lobotomised myself to achieve this state is terrifying

>>127049
people contain multitudes u can be normie skinned but evil on the DL. a significant power that is not to be taken lightly

>>127057
most powerful you can be is someone who everyone thinks is a little dumb and let them act up in front of you then calmly lay them flat when you turn out to be smart and observant. easiest way to achieve this is being as bubbly and sweet as possible. also saves you if you make a misstep conversation wise. just smile or giggle and be like ooops anyways! this is the way. at work at least.

>>127060
This is how I cope when I act like a clumsy retard. I am merely setting up my image.

>>127063
exactly. only usable core tenant of bimbo-ism is that nothing is embarrassing if you’re an attractive charming woman.

>>127057
but I have no desire to be secretly evil or whatever. I think I act dumb so much that I don’t feel like being smart. it doesn’t feel bad when someone treats me dumb either. am I becoming a dog??

>>127066
It depends why you don't care, but I think it can be more good than bad, assuming it's not because your self esteem is just low and you agree with them. Like your judgement is less clouded by emotional hang ups and the other person reveals a lot more about themselves by treating you like this anyway.

>>127067
i agree i think it can be good to not be obsessed with people viewing you a certain way or needing to prove yourself

>>127067
I know I’m not dumb, but it’s just fun to be dumb? people say I’m clumsy and just gloss over anything intellectual with me which should feel demeaning but it doesn’t? but anyways this all stemmed from the horror of being normiefied! I was expecting the standard “don’t become a braindead normie” responses to op but nonas seem to generally agree it’s ok to normiemax?

>>127069
I generally believe you should be able to act like a normie when the situation calls for it. If you aren't truly a normie you won't turn into one by accident.

>>126975
>normiemaxx
Easy, mask your autism and fake it 'til you make it. Or just fake it.
Let out a bit of autism every now and then to test the waters.
Find yourself at least one person you don't need to act like a normie with, so you don't get too exhausted. Try to find more than one person like that if you can.
Observe others and if you engage in conversation, don't be afraid of messing up, social skills will build on not just prior research but also on trial and error. It's all a matter of practise, you'll get better the more you do it.
Try to balance the benefits of hiding your weirdness with the drawbacks of overanalysing social interactions.
Once you can mask without having to overthink to a pathological degree, work on the negative side effects the masking had on you, or work on those alongside the masking from the start.
Most strangers don't actually care that much if you act like a weirdo though, unless they're middle schoolers or you're trying to be close friends (try not to come on too strong, always consider time and place when meeting new people).
If you want friends, maybe focus more on taking an interest in them and their interests and praise them to show that you like them (it has to be at least somewhat honest though). Voice your most normie-adjacent opinions first (try to be more subtle about the non-normie stuff and gauge their response to it before really delving into it) and show off your good parts rather than trying to only appear like a perfectly normal, blank slate.
>But I'm not autisic
You don't need an autism diagnosis to mask your quirks, even if they're extreme ones and if you want to look up normiemaxxing techniques, the autism keyword can spit out some nice resources.
I'm not autistic either but I grew up in an abusive household, so I can relate to some of the masking stuff in a fawning-response kind of way.

>Friends
The more closely you've bonded with someone, the more accepting they'll be of abnormal behaviour (in stages, don't reveal the abnormal stuff all at once).
You just need to reel them in first.

>>127105
Nothing in picrel sounds natural or healthy op

>>127122
Normiemaxxing is often neither healthy nor normal.
If you're a proper normie, you don't have to waste time on explicitly figuring out how to act like one, most of it will come to you naturally the more you spend time around people. You mess up, you learn, you move on.
But if you're extremely deep in the weirdness, scared shitless of being ridiculed or even slightly rejected and very desperate to behave normal in public, you can speed things up by suppressing your personality and pretending you're already a normie.
100% won't work, but it'll give you a ton of anxiety.

>>126975
Build confidence and self-esteem so you can get over not being a normie.
You can make friends without being seen as normal.
Most people are weird if you get to know them closely enough, I'm starting to think that true normies don't exist.

>>127139
I'm sure your experience is insightful but doesn't need to be extrapolated to everyone and isn't so black and white. Maybe some nonas just need a safe environment to do it without having to fake it at first.

>just bee confident and urself :^)
ironically requires some degree of normality because being a tolerated weirdo faggot requires social skills (which normiemaxxing is supposed to provide) or resources. nobody really cares about you otherwise and confidence requires backing anyways