/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Make an account pretending to be her contacting him and see what he says to her.

>>127562
she has him blocked everywhere

>>127563
probably for a good reason. please love yourself and run far away from this man. he is obsessed with his ex and resents you. He wasn't thinking of you when he proposed he had another agenda. You deserve someone who will propose to you properly and buy you a real ring. You sound like a cool person with a good friend group he probably envies you. Please don't marry that man!! Be strong nona, you deserve better!!

>>127575
things were going better. he actually made a point of not touching his PC for days. we spent a lot of time together. we even did a groupon class together as a special date as an apology for all of the behavior i talked about. i thought i was being ridiculous. but i had the weirdest suspicion. the entire time i should have been happy about my romantic surprise. but knowing it was already in response to his guilt and not a genuine romantic impulse to surprise me already took me out of it. he posted about it instantly. i tried to take that as him posting about us and me even though he didn’t post the picture of me posing with it. and now about it being performative for my friends. well. my friend is really suspicious of him now and she did a deep dive into his exes page and his page. he brought me to the same place he took her. again. she made posts about wedding planning so he made the post into the object we made in the class being part of his wedding planning in response. i also found out he moved is intentionally as physically close to her mother as he could. we are on a cul de sac that is literally on the street her mother lives. he told me he feels anxious about the idea of running into his ex. so he moved us from a state away to right down the street from her mother where we drive past her families house every day on purpose to get to work now. which i still have to get to a state away. i’m beginning to fear for his exes safety.

>>127595
i’m leaving him but i haven’t told him yet. i’m scared about how he’ll react to having to publicly call the wedding off but i can’t do this anymore. finding out hes suddenly worried he’s going to run into someone because he moved on purpose to try and run into her is the straw that broke the camels back. he said he was so worried about her confronting him and causing drama but this is how someone hunting prey acts, not someone trying to avoid drama. he did this after she called him out repeatedly for driving past that same house, i just am from a different state and had no idea we were in that exact area. it’s like he moved us here just to upset his ex girlfriend.

>>127595
>>127596
Horror twists coming out in this thread

>>127600
she must be completely and utterly terrified that we would do something like this. there was drama in the past because he went to her work at one point and that was bad enough. but he really is stalking her. i didn’t believe it before but he is. she’s been saying it for years but he made it out to be coincidences. but i’m sorry you don’t move to the same street where your ex has always lived accidentally. especially two people who hate each other. she made it clear she didn’t want him driving past her moms house, especially when he would see her car there when she was visiting. so of course he moved to be closer to her because she told him to stop. he’s very bad with boundaries and he gets upset when they’re enforced. it all makes sense why we moved now. i was wondering why we needed to move further from our jobs and my family and not that close to his family, but in the area they used to live. it all makes perfect sense finding out that’s where the house he was going out of his way to drive by is. she called him out at one point but he said why would i be in that area it must have been another car. it was his car. now he can claim he HAS to drive by her house if she calls the police on him if she notices him. she must be so scared for the holidays. i need to leave very carefully and quietly to avoid him snapping and harming me, his ex and/or himself. i’m worried this time of year will trigger him and want to stay through the holidays maybe. i don’t want to leave him alone and then have him walk out of his house down the street to her moms where she stays every holiday. he’s probably already planning to harm her and i wonder if he moved within walking distance so he can leave his phone behind, hurt her, and walk back and sit back down. i could take a shower and he could leave and kill her and i would never know if he left the house if he was fast enough, that is how close we are. he always talks about dreading running into her during the holidays because he sees her every year in town “somehow”. i know he knows where she is. this has been the most insane realization of my life and i feel like i’m in a horror movie.

>>127601
Well, if it's true, I'd hate to use your life like a popcorn thriller.
You've got the right idea breaking it off. CC is always a bit early to jump on the "sever" option imo, but yes, blazing red flag. You have the basis for a case of premeditated assault even.
Abscond as subtly as possible, leverage any distance you can muster (physical distance, friends, state, family, etc)
Pity for his obvious mental problems is only a risk to yourself from here, good luck nona

>>127602
premeditated assault? do you have any tips for leaving him safely and disappearing from his life?

>>127603
Well, "Assault" in the sense that his actions of match eerily to stalking/escalation… not that he has for sure committed anything violent yet, idk. But that all reads like HIM creating conditions where escalation becomes easy, constant, and plausibly deniable.

I've never dealt with something like this IRL, so I only have general tips but:
Keep acting normal until your exit is underway
Move your important documents (IDs, cards, meds, work stuff) somewhere he can't get
Tell one or two trusted people what's happening and when you plan to leave. Tight lipped people
Leaving straight from work unannouced one day would be best, I think
Change passwords on anything shared, ofc

I've only ever dealt with online stalkers, but make it boring exit that gives him no moment to corner you or emotionally ambush you, basically.

>>127604
as frightened as i am i can’t imagine how she feels. i had heard something but didn’t believe her because she doesn’t live nearby and we lived in a different state. i had no idea i’m her mothers neighbor. she’s been telling the truth. i HAVE been stalking and harassing her. she HAS been seeing us stalking and harassing her. i’ve just had no idea i was complicit.

and honestly no wonder this move has brought us nothing but unhappiness and misfortune. when you trespass as a voyeur into someone’s literal property and energy on a daily purpose when you have explicitly been forbidden, it is like driving past a karmic void every single day. i’ve been convinced it was the honeymoon period ending, paranoia, seasonal depression and it’s probably all of those. but it’s also that i’ve been basically laughing and mocking someone while skipping through her energetic protection barriers and attaching all of that negative karma to myself while mocking her saying it wasn’t happening. my hair has been falling out, my partner and i have been fighting, i’ve been having low grade head ache and memory and digestion and tooth ache issues, things keep breaking and getting lost, i’ve had just absolutely terrible luck and tons of financial issues draining me preventing me from doing what i wanted. it’s felt like i was hexed but i’ve been doing it to myself. i honestly have no idea how to keep my energy cleansed when it’s like i can feel her energy a few houses down radiating against me now whenever i’m home. i feel like i’m absolutely cursed and i had to drive by her moms house again on the way to work. i have to drive so much extra to get around this but i feel i have no choice because i’m sure i get cursed again every time i drive by again.

no wonder she hates us. i’m positive we get bad luck every time we drive by that house. i thought he just looked around extra cos its near an intersection but nope. he was looking to see if her car was there or she was in the yard. he’s stalking her i actually can’t believe this it’s like hitting me like a truck.

i’m going to look through his computer while i can get to his internet browser and passwords through there. i don’t know if there’s even a way to warn her or help her. she clearly knows and that’s why all those things that didn’t make sense make sense now. i hope she doesn’t go to her moms too often. but i feel terrible that she has to feel afraid of us every time she goes. she has no idea i didn’t know. she probably would never believe i didn’t know. i wouldn’t if i were her.

Didn't read thoroughly yet but did you contact her to say her ex is stalking her?

>>127607
I meant that he moved next to her mothers house

>>127605
Yike, it's like some Shakesperean tragedy psychic damage, there. You seem well meaning and empathetic, though, praying for you

>>127607
i haven’t yet and i’m trying to figure out when in this process to tell her and how. i know she hates him and has him blocked and talks about him to any mutual friends they have. he says he has constant stress over “her lies and drama”. i don’t want her to confront him before i leave. but i also don’t want to leave the house and have her at her moms and throw her to the wolves. i think she may know and this may have been one of the stories he told me a different version of. she’s been dealing with him for ten years. i’ve only known him for one. lesson learned. if the frog tells you the crocodile is sick believe him.

update: the brewery he works in is closing its facilities early next year and we just found out he’s being laid off for christmas. i’m truly so nervous to even talk to him it’s tense and silent in here. this is obviously going to have insane impacts on us even in the short term and i have no idea if i should just pack my bags and run while he still has a job on monday. i’m still legally on the line for this lease and he can’t pay any of it very soon.

>>127621
Calmness will be your ally here, maybe find an excuse to go out and think somewhere like grocery shopping

>>127622
thank fucking god at least it’s an excuse to push back the wedding. we were going to get married around his birthday in may. there’s honestly no way we are going to be able to afford what we wanted now and no matter what it’s going to be scaled down and we might not have a honeymoon or only one not directly after to like disney. either my wedding is going to be even worse than i thought or he will agree to move the date. it was already so Grimm i couldn’t believe it, nothing at all like any little girl would ever dream of even when i share his interests and aesthetics. i just told myself over and over it was about love. but there’s no love in this relationship. i’m glued down to an empty husk of a man who just lost his job and his discounted alcohol. both of us are going to be bad off from the alcohol withdrawals. he’s already horrible when he gets his way. i have no idea how he’s going to spend his time or get another job. he barely got this one. he made some mistakes when he was younger so his background checks are bad. i just hope he doesn’t make me get married at a courthouse now to beat his ex to the altar because that seems to be his entire motivation right now.

he’s slamming around making a ton of noise passive aggressively because he still has to go to work today. i’m so relieved i still have my job. i’m really dreading having to pick up extra shifts just to pay his end when i’m trying to leave. i feel sick but i just keep lying and saying babe we can figure anything out. he’s upset his ex probably already knows and is making fun of him for being unemployed. he’s already trying to say it will be months before he gets hired again. i’m not staying and supporting him. i can’t. i’m pretty sure hes still bothering his ex on any place she doesn’t have him blocked. i can see on his spotify when he changes from a game to switch songs that the hidden playlist with her name is being listened to its at the top his spotify. he tried to goof around listening to victor jones that fat alcoholic deadbeat tik tok musician? and i’m just not sticking around for his stage to be acting like that. hes really regretting the beer from last night this morning and i am terrified for this weekend. i wish i didn’t have work too so he could just come home to an empty house. i am legally trapped paying these bills right now. i don’t want to ruin my rental history i barely have any and all of it is tied to his name too.

>>127634
i just stared for a solid twenty minutes at what is supposed to be our guest book. we can’t even name two dozen people we are close with. the wedding parties are going to be so fucked up. thank god he has a sister and some of our friends have gfs i don’t have female friends. his mom wants to be my bridesmaid for some reason. his family attending are going to be a problem and i’m bi racial and they’re racist addicts. he’s lost most of his friends. his ex expects to be my bridesmaid. not the one he’s obsessed with. this book is huge and is going to be filled with ten pages of slop if everyone writes on their own separate page. and then it’s just going to sit in a shelf i stare at. i can’t actually believe he me to the same place he took her after they specifically had sex for the first time. he was thinking of her and what little he knew about me feeling neglected and said you know how i’ll prove i care? by making another gesture to her to show her how much she means to me and asking people to send it to her. they planned their wedding to be the hobbit/middle earth themed too. i don’t know how many of these ideas he’s suggesting are literally her ideas for her wedding. i feel sick to my stomach knowing she’s having her wedding first and the pictures will be looked at by all of our friends side by side on their feeds. i’m going to look like i plagiarized her wedding. hers is forest themed i know already she’s had pinterest boards and reddit posts about it for years. our engagement shoot was with trees as a background at a public park. she’s probably having a photo shoot in the redwoods and you can see pavement in the background of mine. everyone is going to say hes just imitating her and doing this to bother her and show her what the wedding could have been like had she not left. and she’s going to have a better wedding and he is going to look fucking crazy. i actually might need to have my friends fake an emergency or make every excuse i can to leave the house. he’s going to be so stressed about money but i can’t even look at him. i don’t want to spend a single second alone with him. we had to have sex and i had to fake like we were making up and he had to fake passion and we were just slamming our dry hips together smacking them hard while i faked moaned and it was the most pleasureless and degrading moment i’ve ever had to lay on someone’s chest after and pretend was passionate. i could feel her in the room with us and him thinking that shows her. she’s wrong. she’s right. she doesn’t have an opinion on this and she’s still right. everything he does is just to keep me so he can have a life on social media that he knows if she sees she’ll see he still holds a flame for her. i wish i could burn this stupid book. they did more in one day ten years ago than we’ve done in our entire relationship because he only does anything for social media and spends the rest of his time gaming or sleeping or working. i cannot believe he really just got laid off. i’ve googled it three times to see if he’s lying cos he senses im leaving and no. the plant is closing. this really happened at this exact moment. whether i was getting married or leaving. this was the worst possible thing that could happen and now i feel like we are both going to drown. the system is below ground and even i can’t hold it up for him. hes put all his problems on my shoulders like atlas this whole time. starting with his ex gf and how she might cause drama with us. all the way to the neglect and the financial abuse. this man is the worst person alive and i had to call him babe and kiss him goodbye and he’s making an effort to fix our dead bedroom neither of us can put our heart in at all so it’s just awkward soulless sex. imagine having to make eye contact with someone while you both are thinking the things we both are. he looks nervous when i look too deeply into his eyes and i bet i look the same way. his ex accused him of being able to fake that puppy dog eye look and she’s right about that; he was so angry he ranted about how hes never faked anything. but i’ve watched him fake finishing inside me and i’ve watched him fake that o look. the eyes are almost right but there’s too much light and energy and it’s too tight around his eyes. the rest of his face just looks fucking nervous. yeah. i know he’s lying.

>>127624
>>127634
So long as you keep it in mind that dragging your feet now will result in dependance on his part (like you seem to be already), you should be good. How long has it been since you moved to this new state?

>>127636
we moved march 2024. i don’t make close enough to pay this place by myself. we only got this place in the first place because of connections we never would have been able to do it on our incomes alone. we are absolutely going to have to leave i think. i’m hoping if i leave now maybe he will take them up on the relocation offer. that way he will move away from his ex too. and maybe when i’m already packed for a reason i can escape last second with my things. i watched when he left today and he drove by her moms house at a crawl. i can’t believe he moved us into an overpriced duplex in between two trailer parks on on our side of the road btw. just to stalk her because where she actually lives is too far at this point and he would never be able to get away with this at her apartment complex in that city without the police coming. i think he’s honestly just waiting for her to be at her moms so he can watch where she goes when she leaves and accidentally run into her and hope they get back together. he keeps saying he sees her and i have no idea how. he used to only be home for the holidays and his family left that area for the most part. there was one relative left. she moved before he did and only comes for holidays. he was absolutely lurking probably on this street waiting for her car to pass and following her. she accused him of pulling up next to her weirdly in the past when he didn’t have to just to stare at her. she didnt even have this car until they were broken up
for years. it’s weird he even knows what it looks like. he claimed he wasn’t passing her or her moms house. and yet.

>>127601
>i was wondering why we needed to move further from our jobs and my family and not that close to his family, but in the area they used to live.
So he made you move but you didn't even talk about it ?

>i feel like i’m in a horror movie.
Pic rel

>>127603
Pretend to speend a week or two with your family in the other state then break over the phone.

>>127639
he claimed it was to be closer to family but i always wondered why we didn’t move to one of their towns and instead an old town. he claimed to hate his old hs classmates and his ex gf especially. even being in a town where she was in sometimes sets him off. so it was always weird to me he'd choose her area of all areas then. he also doesn’t feel welcome in his hometown cos all of his old classmates think he’s a weird satanist which he is not

>>127641
Stop posting on batamese basket weaving forums and RUN

>>127642
what is that gif from? i’m dreading going home tonight. this weekend is going to be awful and he expects me to be comforting him about the lay off. i can’t wait to see if it’s tense ignoring me, really awkward trying too hard bad sex giving me the ick, or if we will leave for once and he will act like he has autism in front of my friends. hopefully not the last one because ever since someone commented he doesn’t laugh at my jokes he’s being doing this awful laugh that sounds so forced and so wrong. everything he’s been doing lately has been so forced and uncomfortable like bad acting. he says he’s just stressed and anxious but he seems like a dog that did something bad and is trying to act casual

>>127644
i swear he even breathes blinks and walks wrong

kill him

>>127646
he’s very close to killing himself at this point tbh

he took some time off gaming to fix our relationship he lasted less than a week and he justified it to himself by saying he could buy a new game. cos he took time off gaming. right after he loses his job.

>>127678
DUMPPPPPPPPP

>>127690
he took a performative break from gaming and it’s been all weekend again already i need to get out of here before he’s always home when his job officially ends

>>127690
i’ve gotten really close with someone one of his more attractive friends and i’m thinking of really hurting his feelings when i leave

who are all these people are they my prospects

>>127695
Girl this guy is crazy just quietly disappear and don't provoke him in any way! Please you are scaring me

>>127731
it’s his worst fear though

>>127732
You leaving is nothing compared to the shame of stalking his ex and rushing a proposal to get back at her. Take a step back, look at the whole picture.
You need to take concrete steps to prepare your GTFOing his life. No plan is perfect, they can always be changed and adapted to new conditions.
I don't think time is on your side so stalling isn't a good idea. Rip it like a bandaid, but first prepare to cut him off completely. If you're too tired to be looking for a new place after work you can always ask friends/family to help you and you can review their selection together or on your free time, maybe at work.

>>127732
But what do you gain from it personally? You will be putting yourself in danger and making your circumstances worse in exchange for what? Some sort of gotcha that no one will care about? Another reason for him to claim to be the victim and spiral even further? Sometimes doing nothing is the biggest victory you can have

>>127732
tbh he's already gonna be super mentally fucked if you leave even into nowhere so you're already doing a good job!
while revenge is based I don't think it's worth getting with someone just to get back at your ex. you need to form important relationships with a clear head. making someone a rebound is traumatizing to them too
ultimately it's up to you tho

>>127732
you need to gtfo NOW. i don't want to learn your name from a true crime podcast. nothing you have said about him makes him sound like he is remotely safe to be around, especially not now. you should tell his exes mum to buy a gun, too.

>>127733
>>127740
>>127768
everything in this entire relationship was about her. she called him out and they had a friend group destroying fall out as a break up. he was alone for years. she mocked him when he bugged her. he suddenly gets inspired to get the exact job, move out, get a girlfriend, try and change his facial hair, fix everything she mocked him for and he even told me he had her to thank for his self improvement. i thought lucky me he grew. until i found out what he’s really like and that he’s still stalking and obsessed with her. i found out he has weird private messaging apps he deletes and puts back on his phone. i can’t get past the password. i think he uses it to spoof a number so he can text her even when he’s blocked or something. i found out so many things we did together were about her - she made fun of him for a certain unromantic date he took another girl on and be posted pictures of me on the same date and talked the entire time about how she wouldn’t like it but i’m okay with it. he said something similar about my own proposal. they had a niche motif throughout their entire relationship he’s suddenly made ours about. as she’s getting married with the same theme. only her wedding is a fucking destination wedding. i wouldn’t be surprised if when i walk out he finds someone else and in half a year i’ll see he did this same wedding with someone he views as interchangeable just to try and make people compare it the one woman who was apparently one of a kind to him. i think he’s going to try and get her to stop the wedding. i wish she didn’t have me blocked and i could talk to her. i don’t know how to find her like he does. i’m going to look over his shoulder more and hopefully i’ll catch a glimpse of something on one of his apps that will help me locate her. i have a feeling i don’t even know the half of it and talking to her while reveal how fake this entire thing has been. we also got engaged after barely knowing each other. a year and a half when his ex took 5-6 years of dating her husband is crazy. i had a sinking feeling when it happened when we were on such bad terms and the only thing that saved our relationship was planning the trip he proposed on. on a walkway next to a parking lot. with a ring he bought there. my birthday trip, meant more for him to go to a fair he always wanted to go to than my birthday or a proposal. and of course the throw back pics suggested by his phone literally had saved pictures of his ex in a flower crown at a different faire pop up. she’s the one who has friends who run the local faire since she was 14!!! he never even went before her!! it’s all just so fucked up. at least if i leave him for one of our friends he has to be the one alone and not rebounding. this man deserves nothing and i hope he ends up homeless when i leave. he actually tried to crack a joke when he drove me past her moms last time. he seemed nervous. i can’t believe i never noticed how nervous he gets when she gets brought up and he pretends he doesn’t know anything about her life.

>>127769
after a certain point of having so little in my relationship to talk about i started making content about how we eat different foods from each other even though we both have ARFID because there was literally nothing else in our relationship to make content about, including both of us gaming but none of that ending up as usable content because of his personality. maybe i deserve an affair where it feels like there’s blood in my veins again. the sitting around watching a man unable to eat vegetables rotate through the same five junk food meals that make his cum taste like battery acid has me thinking maybe there is more to life than meal prepping for a 30 year old toddler and watching him fart and disassociate staring at a screen.

>>127773
What the fuck do you mean an affair. Run away ASAP nona, nothing will fix him. It will only get worse, get out before it's too late.