/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I'm manic and can't stop thinking about all the abuse I went through as a kid.

I experienced extreme abuse as a toddler and it shows in my day to day life. The average person just thinks I'm autistic or something if they don't see my episodes.


A while back I was groped in my sleep my partner at the time and it really set me back.

I want to hug someone without it feeling sexual, I wish I didn't have sexual thoughts about friends I make. I want normal relationships.

I've always been eccentric and weird but it feels worse now, everyone can tell I was abused as a kid right?

I'm currently living with my untreated mentally ill mom who treats me as her therapist/husband.

I'm so burnt out, I raised my siblings growing up and I can't keep going.

My brother has gotten violent with me on several occasions and my aunt s boyfriend tried touching me while high on meth just recently.

Every time I stand up for myself it turns into an escalation game, my family lies to the police whenever domestic disputes do arise typically.

How do I find someone to rent with or something? I can't look at my family members right now without remembering everything they ever did to me.

How do I escape this? I'm 22 and in poor health due severe childhood neglect and can't work most jobs as a result.

How fucked am I? any advice? I'm having a mental breakdown over this due having nobody outside of my family.

Sorry in advance for any weird typing or spelling errors.