Lifelong depression Anonymous 131513
Not even a wish could fix me. I have been depressed since I was a kid, and at first the reasons for the depression were pretty concrete and specific (body and family issues mostly). Yet now I cannot even tell you why I am depressed anymore. Even in the wonderland in my head where all my problems are gone I am still depressed. The apathy has shaped me so profoundly that I cannot imagine a version of me without it. I can only hope that this stay at earth wont be particularly long and that the next try will be better.
Anonymous 131516
I understand you, nona. I have depression too and antidepressants don't really help with it. I only have hope that one day it will disappear for one reason or another. Stay strong. I am with you.
Anonymous 131517
>>131513I went to a rave and i got better and realized i need friends and sunlight
Anonymous 131542
Depression is a catastrophe in the chemistry of the brain which is connected to the chemistry of the whole body. It is subject to chance. The healthiest person can get unlucky and suddenly ienxplicably lose their brain health. A depressed person can get lucky and inexplicably gain health. You can get lucky with the right medicine. You can get lucky with the right therapy (in the broader sense where both nature walks and talk therapies are therapy). You can get lucky in a way which you cannot articulate or imagine at this point in time. In so far as you can I wish you will believe and act upon the truth that even when things are very bad they can still be slightly better or worse and that despite it feeling small it is significant to try to make things very bad but slightly better rather than very bad and slightly worse. Luck may appear in that difference one day.
I'd like to recommend the book Radical Hope by Jonathan Lear. It's a philosophical book about having hope while having no concept of what a bearable world would look like.
Anonymous 131594
being happy is a state.
How hard was life on you, nona? I am all eyes to read. w
If anything, what worked for my anhedonia was writing down what makes me happy.
Like hugging my loved ones.
It does not have to be the same for you, it can be something that makes you feel the same warmth, like drinking water after thirst.
Or having cute clothes.
After making a list, you can then build a sense of self about what you like.
After that, you can start making lists. About what do you want? It doesn't need to be a long list really.
Then you can start by doing things you want, until one day you can have a moral compass, and your own choices without the numbness.
Happiness is not eternal, it is small moments and small things.
Like when you finish a project it took so long, and it's good. Or when you hug your dog or parents, or seeing your friends after so long.
Or when the chocolate is warm and sweet, or when the tea is soft and flowery.
Or when you feel pretty, as well.
Perhaps, you should stop worrying about the reasons and more about how you can enjoy life now.
I think you can imagine yourself happy. It's just hard, your body as nthe other nona said is not used to being happy.
I hope you can learn how to care for yourself, it can be hard
