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Are my "friends" sabotaging me? Anonymous 132098
Hi nonas! I am a 29 yo autistic woman but even though Im awkward and bad at socializing Ive managed to keep some (girl) friends on my social circle, some of them Ive known since HS. Anyway fast forward to today and for over a decade none of them have managed to help me bag a boy/moid (whatever term you prefer). So I decided to try to find out what the moids had to say about it and several of them told me that I have friends who are gatekeeping me out of relationships with men. This honestly shocked me a little because I think it could be true I dunno. How can I tell if my friends are driving away moids (even the good ones)? I have no social skills and this is frankly eating me up on the inside, if this is true I do not know how to react to this or how to confront any of my friends. Please help me I am so confused I don't know what to think. I don't want to be in my 30s with no boyfriend experience, I dont need a super handsome moid just one who will love and respect me to some degree at least. Thanks!
Anonymous 132100
Well, i guess that depends on a couple of conditions-
1) are they neurodivergent like you? Do they share the same condition like you?
2) do they have boyfriends? Are they quality men? Just because someone has a boyfriend doesn't mean they're happy or on the right path.
3) have you noticed manipulative tendencies from any of them? Any gossiping, backstabbing or two-timing from any of them? If they do it to other people, they'll do it to you.
Anonymous 132102
It is possible but I can't make this conclusion based off of your info. My assumption would be is they're just not actively promoting you. (which they really don't have to, I doubt they needed help to find a male partner) But do they deliberately sabotage you, I wouldn't say that based off purely the fact they did not set you up with anyone. Do they ever gossip around you, neg you, or put you down? What is their attitude towards you?
I would take moids' opinions on this with a grain of salt.
Anonymous 132105
>>1321001) most of them arent no. at least that I know of
2) most of them do have bfs, some are already married with kids
3) uhmmmm no not really but how would I know? Im autistic
Besides I am not too interested in socializing myself, I wouldnt turn down a bf if it landed on my lap and wanted to hang out and do cool stuff but yeah…
Anonymous 132106
>>132102Let me think… well sometimes there were this couple of guys that wanted to hang out with us at some point. We all went to a fast food joint (I think it was Chipotle I love burritos by the way) and they were somewhat different. None of them wanted to talk to me too much, but it was just one time I guess. How can I know if they gossip or neg or put me down?
Anonymous 132107
>>132106>None of them wanted to talk to me too much, but it was just one time I guessHmm hard to say. Could've just been shy. Not enough information. Did you try initiating?
>How can I know if they gossip or neg or put me down?Basically I'm asking if they're mistreating or disrespecting you. Too much criticism, exclusion or negative comments compared to others in the group.
If you don't trust them I'd probably not depend on them to set me up if I were you.
Anonymous 132108
>>132107>Did you try initiating?No I never do that at all. Im too shy for that. Ive tried my luck with online dating apps but its either ghosting or sex with benefits time. I wanted a bf not some friendship with onesided benefits thank you very much.
>Basically I'm asking if they're mistreating or disrespecting you. Too much criticism, exclusion or negative comments compared to others in the group.Well they usually do not like the way I dress but thats about it I suppose. I want to be comfortable so I usually just ignore them or come up with excuses like "Im out of cash" or "didnt find any clothes that fit me" that usually stops them from insisting too much on how I dress.
Anonymous 132109
>>132108When you say you 'ignore them' or make excuses, is that mainly about comments on your clothing, or do you also tend to withdraw in other kinds of conversations with people?
Anonymous 132110
>>132109Mainly just about clothing I dont care too much about that quite honestly. I only buy thrift store stuff anyway and I admit I look like a complete dork. Though its not very different from how people are dressing up today, everyone is quite lazy on the way they dress when compared to say 2 or 3 decades ago I guess.
>do you also tend to withdraw in other kinds of conversations with people?No I never ignore people about other things I think that is kind of rude. I also dont use my phone during social gatherings because I want people to talk to me more sometimes. I heard my friends saying that when they dont want to talk to certain moids they just pretend to be on their phones or listening to music, it usually makes them go away.
Anonymous 132111
HD-wallpaper-girl-…
>>132098Have any of their boyfriends or husbands ever shown interest in you?
Anonymous 132112
>>132111Lol don't suggest her to try and steal their bfs
Anonymous 132113
>>132111For some common interests yeah. But romantically or sexually? I guess… not? I am unsure. Its entirely possible I completely missed some signs but I wouldnt do that anyway. It was hard enough to make my current friends as an autist, I dont wanna have to do it again. Besides, I want to bag my own moid to cuddle and do cute things together. Just thinking about all that drama is making my heard hurt actually uhg…
Anonymous 132114
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Should I just ask them straight to their faces if theyre not "promoting" me to moids? Something like this
>Nonas, why didnt any of you ever help me get a boyfriend? Am I too ugly, stupid or awkward? Whats going on?
Anonymous 132115
>>132114Wait did you ever ask them before to help you get a bf?
Anonymous 132118
ask the scrotes to elaborate instead of just taking their word for it. what do they even mean by gatekeeping?
Anonymous 132119
>>132115Well, no… Its just weird that theyre all doing great romantically (well most of them some have shitty bfs but oh well) while Im just left by myself. I feel hurt, besides I also want a bf experience. I dont want to wake up one day at 37 and tell to myself "oh well I guess Ill just die alone without even trying! Hahahaha"
Anonymous 132120
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>>132118Nona Im gonna be honest with you because socializing isnt my strong point. So, they basically said that my friends think that I am romantically incompetent or they want to have a "poor, sore loser around" so they can feel better about their shitty self-steem, by comparison. I dont understand that myself, either. Thats why Im here… why would this make a difference anyway? Is there some validity to this? I mean if your life sucks having someone worse off than you wont change it at all. I dont understand the logic, just thinking about it makes me even more confused
Anonymous 132121
>>132119Yeah, maybe you should try asking them if they can set you up with anyone first. Or ask how they got their bfs.
Anonymous 132123
>>132120>I dont understand the logic, just thinking about it makes me even more confusedHonestly I'd file that under "scrote self-reporting and projecting". There are people like that, but if someone keeps interpreting everyone's behavior as malicious, they're probably malicious themselves. Look up hostility bias.
Anonymous 132124
You should use the advice thread. Imagine if every time someone wanted to post they opened a new thread. It's ridiculous.
>inb4 but other posters won't see my post so quicky
Yes because you newfags keep making new threads for every stupid passing thought you have. Use the generals, don't clog the catalog with vents and other types of posts that belong in already existing threads. And of course it's always to talk about scrotes.
Anonymous 132125
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>>132122>>132123Im not sure if what the moids said is true, Im just telling you what they told me. Why are you accusing me of being a moid? This kinda hurts my feelings actually. Especially since my interests are so boy-coded for the most part.
