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Vent Thread Anonymous 07/16/26 (Thu) 01:40:07 PM132418

I need some form of advice in this situation because its making me feel like i'm in a forever luteal mental state

I befriended this girl at work early last year and we got along really well. She was a bit shy and hard to talk to at the beginning but I saw a lot in her that I liked so I persevered in forming a friendship. As time went on we became really good friends and I thought she would have been a friend I would have for a long time. She hadn't really had much life experience but that wasn't an issue to me as I was more than happy to introduce her to my friends and guide the way and point her in a good direction as she isn't from my city.

I started to notice her saying weird things, villanising our other co workers, talking about the way her body looks which I would obviously be like oh don't be silly you're so pretty, not thinking much of it at the time.

I started dating my boyfriend a couple months after her and I started being friends and that hadn't changed anything at the time. She was very happy for me and all was well. A few months after that so around 8 months after her and I started becoming friends we decided to move in together.

The first month was great and there were no issues at all, the second month rolls around and at night when my boyfriend would stay over she would start slamming the doors and stomping around the house, I talked to her about it immediately but nothing changed snd she only did and does this when my boyfriend stays over. The first time this happened it marked the down hill spiral of this friendship.

I continued to be nothing but nice to her even though she was displaying really scary behaviours that to me are the most violent you can be without causing physical harm. I would continue to invite her to outings, share music and interests with her, invite her to hang out with my boyfriend and I, Cook her dinner occasionally.

Work changed for me, over time she would tell me all these "nasty things the girls were saying" which I later found out were not true and she had forged a story to stop me from finding out that she was complaining to them about me. saying that " I expected more from moving in with her, I expected to go out more"

She started to express extreme levels of jealousy that made my boyfriend and I feel guilty for being in a healthy relationship, we felt extremely policed, we were too scared to talk over a whisper at night not to upset her.

My mental health over the past 6 months hasn't been at its best, so i decided to take a step back from going out as much and spending more time on myself and my relationship and seeing a new psychologist for my OCD.

When I would invite her out in the past she would either not come along or brood in the corner all night and complain that she's tired. As soon as I withdrew she started going to all these outings in place of me very abruptly, I noticed that in this time she has started to mimic the way I speak, buy close to replicas of my clothing days after I buy something and attempt to copy my identity to and extreme, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and stressed,

There are many many other details to this story but this is the run down in a brief, I am happy to answer any questions if anyone has any they'd like to ask

Anonymous 07/16/26 (Thu) 04:14:40 PM132422

Socially isolated people are isolated unfairly and because of it they know no boundaries, social morality or other things that are a consequence of effective socialization.

Because of it, anyone who assumes the responsability of socializing with those people have the responsability since they are smarter socially to actually introduce them to proper social cues.

Such as properly stablishing boundaries.

This is awful to say, but if you are befriending someone who does not have much life experience, introduicng her to your friends and expectingh er to behave is too much.

Since there is a high probability she will not be socially capable.

The best you can do is treat her for what she deserves, and do the correct thing, put your boundaries.

It means basically learning to put your limits.

"Hey I think you do this and that" if she says that just treat her like you are teaching her boundaries.

Men do this casually with other men all the time. "Bro why say this haha makes no sense" they eventually notice.

Do not adapt things to her, she has to adapt.

It sounds very complicated because I, myself, am socially isolated because of my aspergers chronically. It does not matter how big my friend circle is. I will always be an outcast by nature.

If that is her case, learn to properly put limits with her. Else she will always harm you.

Anonymous 07/16/26 (Thu) 09:24:33 PM132426

>>132422

This is the issue I am facing, I am someone who is very clear about boundaries no matter the situation or person and I have nicely talked to her about the door slamming and stomping but that didn't change anything. The "fact my boyfriend and I are too loud" makes me feel like I can't have intercourse with my boyfriend when she is home because it will upset her.

She has never been in a relationship so any time any couple including myself and friends of mine are in her vicinity she will get really upset, leave, cry or yell at a family member on the phone about it. Its really uncomfortable and I don't know how to help, Ive been more than nice about it, Offering to help her get herself out there and take her out to pubs etc, being a wingwoman etc etc.

I digress, when I have very civil conversations with her about boundaries it will always go the same way, she will not be receptive of what I am saying and start telling me "you think I am a bitch, I am self centred, i'm a bad person, you hate me you hate me" and it becomes really hard to talk to her because she won't take accountability for anything. Last time we talked about something that was upsetting me this happened but then she said " but I let you have your boyfriend over" which really frustrated me because that isn't something she gets to decide, then she revealed to me that she had been complaining about him to her therapist, as if he doesn't do anything around the house, which is quite the opposite he does more than she does and contributes a lot to the house. She has villanised him and myself and the relationship between him and I.

No matter what I say to her or any boundary I set she creates something new to be angry about, Im the past at work she had yelled at me, she only shows this aggressive and destructive behaviour with me and no one else which is really upsetting

Anonymous 07/17/26 (Fri) 10:49:12 PM132432

Alright, so what I will say is very rude and probably not moral for some people, very much not ethical or some stuff and not woke at all.

I understand that you are not a therapist, or at least might not be one or a psych, or anything related to the sciences of the social and the mind. I will continue with what I want to propose to you after what I said.

She might be intellectually impaired. Yes, I know it sounds rude, and awful and sad sometimes that you can assume that about others. Yet what if she is? You should prepare as well for another social circumstance that is even if not as hard, a bit harder to deal with sometimes.

Perhaps she is just a narcissist. I remember if not wrong you said something like that, that perhaps she is a bad person and that is why people isolate her. The problem is it's hard to teach people like them actual limits.

Let's say you adopt a bird to help. The bird is small, useless. You help it, feed it to fly. One day it should, right? what if it doesn't? What if that bird you adopt, instead of flying when the wings are proper, it just never flies again? Because think about it. It gets fed, it gets affection, it gets a social circle where the bird can do whatever it wants without being socially outcasted.

I might as well say that woman never had proper socializing in her childhood, teenage years and now is experiencing the consequences of it. It's a problem of her family, not yours.

All I can do is to tell her directly like you would do with other person, or directly act as if she was being paranoid. "Hey you are doing this I'm bad and I'm a bad person" what if you just said "Why?" if you keep being logical and as cold as possible people eventually notice that won't work with you.

I dealt with a person like this before. She complained that she did not feel normal, that we never joked around her like we joked with each other (with other friend of mine) and she started to say we distanced her and that we were bad people and stuff.

She distanced from us and from all her friends eventually, since she did not "feel normal" and we did not "treat her like a normal person" since she always complained about her mental issues, or that we never should do stuff and all her friends did whatever she wanted.

She will distance herself once she notices she lacks something you have. You can either confront her directly by being implicit and letting her notice with your indifference, or you can wait and act like she is different and she cannot understand things, and eventually one day she will notice herself she is indeed lacking something.