/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I feel pathetic.
I broke up with my gf of couple years earlier this year and tried dating guys, and found one who fits me well. We have same hobbies, get each others humor, always a gentleman, treats me well, he has a stable well paying job, is not weird pervert or gambling addict, plays lots of same games as me, and likes the type of music that i do. The only thing is that i don't find him attractive, i am gay and knew this before getting with him, but i wanted to be the one taken care of for once and not have to be the "top". I broke up with him couple months ago when i was sure that i cannot be with him despite him being exactly the partner i like. I still talk with him online and we watch anime often, neither of us have many friends around, he moved to the area couple months ago and hasn't found a local friend group yet. I only really talk and hang out with my best friend but she is crazy busy all the time and we only see each other like once or twice a month, which i appreciate greatly her making time for me. I went on a couple dates recently with a girl but we did not really get along well so we broke it off, she was the only person who held me in a very long time and i miss having physical contact. I told my friend that im gonna see the guy this weekend and she said that its a bad idea, and one of our friends that was with her told me i need to stop fucking around and seriously get myself in order. I know it is, but i am lonely and want to be wanted and i have someone trusted who i can see and spend time with. I know he won't do anything to me, he's harmless, but i feel disgusted at myself doing this. I felt so jaded and callous lately that i think im expressing that by doing problematic things and not caring that its wrong or hurtful to others or myself, i just want to feel something. I need to work on my career and get more out of the house but i need to feel alright before i can take on the world. I'm disgusting for using a good guy like him who truly cares about me but its this or spiraling mentally alone in my room.
I know the answer is simple, get a girl that loves you like he does, but the way i am right now, i do not have anything good to offer to a partner. I guess i could cook a bit, and be supportive and offer advice, but i don't have a stable job or could provide anything substantial. So even if i found a girl like me, i cannot do anything for her.
I don't know why i made this thread, i guess to vent. Please, if you have any advice i'd love to hear it and thank you for reading