/feels/ - keep wanting him while having a boyfriend

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keep wanting him while having a boyfriend Anonymous 10/16/26 (Fri) 01:54:11 PM133677

I have a bf but I keep thinking about a past guy. We were good friends and both liked eachother. But eventually drifted apart. I frequently thought about him.

2 months into my current relationship we coincidentally had contact. it felt so good, we talked for a couple of days. there was always so much unspokenness between us so then i texted him: i want to be honest with you, i used to like you and it was good to talk to you again but i think its better to let go now and not talk to eachother anymore. I didn't mention my boyfriend.

we had a good last conversation and he said he respects my decision and he regrets not having asked me out, and that it'll be difficult for him to let go but he's glad we're on good terms.

but still (2 months later) we keep having these small interactions on social media. i can tell he is still paying attention to me and i am also to him. I check his profiles every fucking day. Sometimes even while I'm with my bf. He doesn't know i have a boyfriend now. I think that would hurt him and he'd feel deceived. It's my responsibility but i also keep seeking out interactions with him and make it clear i still think about him. I look forward to like texting him next year to ask how he's doing.

i just feel so shitty. i know i should probably remove him from socials to minimize this and move on. but I don't. I want to hold the door open. It feels so good thinking back to us and fantasizing about what could've been. Our chemistry was so insane and talking with him felt good in so many ways. He's also really funny and I feel like there's more I like about him than my boyfriend for example. And yet I love my boyfriend fully for who he is and i want to spend my life with him. part of it might also be that i feel like im a difficult person to love and my boyfriend is so supportive and i don't think i'll find that in other guys. I'm scared that if i were to pursue somethign with the guy it'd fall apart or something or it'd be like i deceived him because i have so many issues. then again i also had those thoughts with my current boyfriend- and despite my worries we turned out really well.

my bf is so patient with me and understanding and loves me so much. its not like he's treaating me wrong and i'm missing something in the relationship… i just suck

I wish my bf would break up with me or something.. so i could have an excuse to pursue the other guy. But I know that won't happen. idk what to do. curious for opinions. i guess i want validation but i think its also good if someone tells me im just wrong for all this…

Anonymous 10/16/26 (Fri) 03:12:29 PM133678

Trust your instincts. Your boyfriend cannot satisfy you. Break up with him and ask the other guy out.

Anonymous 10/16/26 (Fri) 04:46:36 PM133680

Might want to sit down and write some fanfiction about where do you think that insane chemistry would take you if you choose this other guy. From the post we don't get much, just that you like his talks.

It will help you understand how much of what you're seeing is actually there or just things that you wish were true when there's not much in reality to support that idea in your head

Anonymous 10/16/26 (Fri) 05:37:38 PM133681

>>133678
Do not. Do not listen to this.

There are going to be lots of moments in any relationship where other people seem enticing. This is normal. Other people are going to seem more exciting because you don't know them. They are fresh, they are new, they are different.

And that is entirely why this is a mistake. You have a perfectly good boyfriend. You know him, you feel safe with him, you feel comfortable with him. You've spent a good amount of time with him already and you know you that you're compatible together.

You haven't actually dated this other guy. You don't know what he's like in a relationship outside of how he wasn't ready to commit to you earlier when you were closer(red flag).

You're already emotionally cheating given how much you're fantasizing while interacting with him. Your boyfriend doesn't know and won't have to know but if you go further you might just end up with someone who isn't consistent and will leave you with nothing while losing your current boyfriend too.

Anonymous 10/16/26 (Fri) 08:04:51 PM133685

thank u all for the replies. I want to elaborate it's not that i'm idealizing the guy. we were friends for a while and I started to fall in love with everything i got to know about him. For me new people aren't 'enticing' at all because I want a connection before anything else. In my opinion friends to lovers is the way to go. That's why it's difficult with him because we already have a history and I know him. And truthfully his qualities resonate more with me than the ones my boyfriend has.

>>133681
your comment brought me back to reality. You're right it's crazy to think about breaking up for someone who isn't even clearly communicating with me. When we had the conversation he showed regret not being more direct with me and asking me out. But he still isn't doing that- maybe because I told him i didn't want anything more. Then again, I also said he could always text me if something was up. So he knows he could ask me. Instead he is making playlists with my name on spotify and telling me in the description to reach out to him. I won't interact w that anymore. If he actually were to communicate w me I'll say I'm in a relationship now.

thank u nonas <3

Anonymous 10/19/26 (Mon) 10:10:35 PM133750

>>133677
yeah you should break up if only because the longer this goes on the more it will hurt your current bf when you inevitably betray him

Anonymous 10/20/26 (Tue) 06:19:35 AM133759

>>133685
You will break up with your current boyfriend so you might as well do it now, think of it as charity so another girl who’s satisfied with just one good man can have him

Anonymous 10/25/26 (Sun) 12:45:28 AM133862

i feel the same abt a bf ive had for like 6 months, idk why. ive had the same experience, the guys nice respectful super chill, we recently had a nice chill conversation about life and stuff. idk why i want him aswell. i wish my bf would breakup with me but i also dont i want both at the same time

Anonymous 10/29/26 (Thu) 06:01:30 PM133925

hi i can see the future! here's what's in the cards for you:
>keep stringing bf along
>keep entertaining other guy
>interest in bf keeps decreasing
>he gives you the ick by now
>break up
>hook up with other guy
>he doesn't know you had a bf all along
>omgwtfdoido
>you lie
>he finds out
>breaks up with you
>now you have zero (0) bfs

that's rough, if only there was a way to avoid it…