Leave abusive husband or Stay to protect baby? Anonymous 133766
Fuck guys idk where to start. Yeah. He switched up when I got pregnant and isolated me hard. Financial abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, some quasi-physical abuse (corning me in a room and flexing his fists for one, punched walls, doesn't let me leave a room or the home while he bearates me.) He's lost his temper with baby before too, slapped, screamed insults, yells if she does something that annoys or bothers him.
I have c-PTSD (diagnosed after I went to a women's shelter, from this relationship and the previous one) and Asperger's, but I've done a lot of counseling and reading on communication and in the beginning of the relationship was quite good at it, but the moment he starts the word twisting, taking everything as an attack, blaming me for it, insulting my character, all the DARVO shit, I lose it and have meltdowns.
He was arrested, but his colleagues (he's a cop) protected him, and then he had been threatening me for months about this specific scenario and I fucked up massively by lying and hiding what he's done to get the charges dropped.
He lacks empathy entirely, and I'm not sure he feels any emotions other than anger, and he thinks it's justified to act out that anger however he pleases. He thinks hitting kids, shaming them, yelling at them - even newborns and toddlers (mine is 1.5yo) is important and how you get them to behave. I am more a "natural consequence" and empathetic "home is a place of understanding and valuing each other as individuals" parent.
I feel really fucking stuck.
He has many advantages in court because of his career, he's very manipulative and lies well, brags about it. He will take my baby from me if I leave, he's very vindictive. Even just an overnight stay a week I feel panicked, what if he smacks her or screams at her again, and she can't tell me because she can't talk?
So I am torn - I leave, to protect myself, potentially leaving my baby open to the same emotional abuse.
Or I stay and try to play nice/lay low until she is old enough or until work transfers him too far away to see her, so that I can be there to protect her.
If I'm there, he does essentially no parenting, unless he thinks I'm leaving him, and then all of a sudden he's the most fun and hands-on dad…
Idrk what I'm asking sorry, my mind's all fucked and I don't have any close friends, or family.
Anonymous 133767
>>133766Take the children away and leave that bastard you don't deserve to be treated like that miss and also your children, it's better for you to live somewhere else "move house" or rent a cheap apartment or live with your parents miss, you have the right to live happily and so do your children I can feel how much a mother's heart hurts if she leaves her child because I was also married and I have been divorced for a long time because my husband cheated and played with many women then I decided to divorce him and live alone in the apartment that I rented alone I don't have children yet I feel how much pain the suffering and wounds you are experiencing miss, I am quite concerned and sad to hear that, I hope you are given a better life with your children.
Anonymous 133768
>>133767Unfortunately family courts will probably still give him some custody, and I couldn't bear to be away from my baby every weekend, without being able to protect her if he yells or gets nasty to her. She can't tell me if he does. If I knew I would get full custody then I would absolutely leave. I am living separately right now at least, but he's trying to take her for weekends and whole days.
Thank you for your words and kindness, I'm sorry you've also had a marriage to a bad man.
Anonymous 133770
>>133768what does it even take for a court not to give custody to a guy like this? he was even arrested ffs. consult a lawyer?
Anonymous 133773
>>133770I don't know. But I've seen that they give custody even to fathers who leave obvious bruises on both wife and children, or that a man who even beats his wife but is still a "good dad" will have custody.
The charges were dropped because I lied for him.
Anonymous 133774
>>133770I am working to get a lawyer now.
