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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Ex-friends/Lost connections Anonymous 13434

We all have some stories of friends we used to know and love but aren't there for us anymore.

What happened for you to drift apart?
Do you miss them?
Have you tried to reconnect?

Anonymous 13442

I had a friend dating back all the way from elementary school that I saw almost every weekend.
>went to weeb cons together
>could spaz together
>shared the same sense of humor
>had sleepovers and pulled all-nighters together
>could tell eachother secrets
She was my best and only friend.
And I fucked up after being infatuated with my first bf (now ex) and seeing him the majority of the time instead.

I tried reconnecting with her last year, after 2yrs of barely talking and hanging out with her at the mall but our chemistry was all off. Her sense of humor had changed and we didn’t really click. It sucks. We didn’t even message eachother once afterwards and haven’t spoken since. Aand now I have 0 irl friends.

You, OP?

Anonymous 13470

When I was a young teen I went to the hospital for my ED and met a lot of nice people, it was easier to get closer to them because we all struggled with the same thing, and shared somewhat of a common world view. Since there wasn't much to do there we would play a lot of card and word games, getting to know each other.
The place I went to wasn't in the state I lived in, so it was a bit unrealistic to expect the same closeness once I left, we all naturally drifted apart with the physical distance. Sometimes I miss them but in a way it might be better that I don't see them anymore. I kept some letters they wrote to me and look back on the time we spent together fondly. I hope the best for them and that they've managed to overcome their problems, but I don't particularly want to reconnect.

Anonymous 13473

I don't have a single one left. I always decided to go down my path that so show nobody shared. I met new friendly people but nothing stuck. It's all so tedious. I don't have much time anyway

Anonymous 13476

Had a friend, she was too similar to me in every way. We were like a copy of each other. I couldn't take it any longer and just ignored her for the rest of my time living in Germany. Wish the time back, added her on LoL but couldn't say it was me. Pretty sure there is a lot hatred left for me over there…

Still a reappearing person in my dreams, still hurts.

Anonymous 13478

I lost a friend because they were going to different high school as me and later we just stop talking for a while,I do miss them but they did do some bad things towards me,we shared the same interest and they were my best friend also they were a ex too

Anonymous 13486

I had a good friend who I thought was actually close to me and that she loved me just as much as I loved her, but she started to drift apart and badmouthed me behind my back over dumb shit that had nothing to do with her in the first place. Getting over her has been hard, I tried to reconnect a couple times but realized it was not worth it.

Anonymous 13518

Sounds like she was jealous of you for some reason. If she didn't reply to your attempts at reconnect, then forget it. Life goes on, find friends that are worth it and that have your back

Anonymous 13520

You're probably right in the end. Thanks Anon, I am sure I will feel a lot better as time goes by!

Anonymous 13529

What the friend did is bad (badmouthing behind her back) but i don't think anything in anon's post implies jealousy.
Why do you think that's the reason?

Anonymous 13530

A cousin i got really close to over the summer after i went to Washington,after school started she top texting me or calling and it made me feel pretty sad. My mom asked if we still talked but i just said no and sigh

Anonymous 13538

Use to rule a group of goth kids. We'd all meet up twice a month at the club and try to seduce people to come over for sexy games and the sometimes an orgy (mostly tons of laughing and messing around with each other). Gradually we all went our separate ways and lost touch.

Now I have no friends and I don't think I'll experience good times like that for the rest of my life. Hurts.

Anonymous 13544


It hurts just to recall this kind of thing. This might be long, I apologize. I can't sleep and writing helps, so sorry if I get rambly.

I was never very sociable or talkative growing up. I lucked out with my one friend, whom I met in middle school when we were both 12. She had just moved to California from Texas and had no one. I also had no one. We became quick friends and bonded over edgy teen music and bad anime. As a first-year in high school (14 years old), that same friend from middle school came out of her shell a lot; she befriended a group of older third-year students and sort of dragged me along so I wouldn't be eating lunch by myself. I was standoffish at first, but we hit it off and that year was the best year of my entire high school experience. Since classes ended early on Wednesday, we would buy snacks and just lay around in the park eating them while we talked about dumb high school things. Those are some of my fondest memories.

Summer vacation came and went, and over that period those kids got into an argument with each other that split the group. It wasn't the same after that, and none of them really wanted to be around each other anymore. In that same year, my friend from middle school came out of the closet and started spending her lunch periods with some other girl. I made the mistake of eating with them once and got to spend 30 minutes being the third wheel while they kissed and groped each other right next to me. Never again. After that, I started spending my lunches in the library. I'd complete my homework and then have more time at home to spend on Maplestory, a cutesy Korean MMO I'd taken a liking to.

It was in this game where I met the last person I've ever felt strongly about. I never learned much about them at all, but for some reason I was drawn in and we became quick friends, spending an inordinate amount of time together in this grindy Nexon game. I've never had more fun just being with someone before. It didn't matter to me if they were some 40 year old fat guy, or someone my age on the other side of the world. I could relate to this person, and when things in my life felt bleak I would find solace in being able to come home and spend time with this person. After five years when I wanted to know more about the person behind the screen, they lost it, called me a bunch of mean names, accused me of trying to stalk them when I met with them later to try and make things right, and finally vanished without another word.

I've mainly kept to myself ever since.

Anonymous 13548


This is basically all my friendships except my husband and like 1 or 2 people. I've met so many great people in my life and I wish I had the energy to hold onto all of them forever.

Anonymous 13578

I had (have?) a friendship with a girl I met in college. Please forgive the bad storytelling, I wrote this in a haze basically. I'm a little drunk and I'm sure this is out of order, pls forgive

If you are confused plz feel free to ask.

>Be me, in second year of college

>Annoying af boy in program who thinks he is god's gift to the world
>cannot stand him
>I'll call him M
>Go to trendy, hipster concert in local coffee shop
>M is there, with a girl he just started dating
>I'll call her R
>R is super cool, wearing leather jacket (I loved that shit), super sarcastic, IDGAF attitude
>Mention we should hang out
>Months later, actually hang out
>Slowly incorporated into group of about ~6 friends total
>Fast forward through a year
>Still cannot stand her bf (but try to get along and try REALLY hard to like him… at least I'm nice?)
>Come over about once a week to watch anime, play vidya, etc
>Slowly start noticing that we are hanging out less than usual
>Don't really mind, busy, life, whatever
>Come over
>All friends talking about event they just went to
>Awkwardly listen to them talk about it for about 10 min
>Forget about it
>Next week, same thing happens
>Not invited
>Next time I say "haha can't come over, feeling not gr8" basically
>Spend the night going on fb trying to see if I've also been not invited to a bunch of things
>Find this fucking christmas pic where everyone was invited except me
>Feeling hurt af
>Comment in a bitchy passive aggressive way, regret immediately
>Actual comment: "Man I would've come… I wish you would've invited me."
>One friend (we will call her A, bff of R) replies about how they coordinated schedules and they couldn't have possibly included me due to schedules
>They didn't even fucking ask me
>Send R a text about how I feel excluded
>R texts me back a fucking NOVEL about how I'm bitchy and I need to make more time for her, I shouldn't use my depression as an excuse
>R continues not inviting me to things, meanwhile posting about all their fun outings on fb
>Feel like a fucking loser
>Still depressed af now, combined with living with emotionally (and 2x physically) abusive bf
>Avoid talking to her 100% for like 6 months
>She texts me "hey what's up!"
>Decide to give it a redo
>Break up with bf, feeling much better without the abuse
>Things with R start out great again
>She stops inviting me to things
>Try to ignore it for a long time
>Say "oh she just forgot, she doesn't dislike me"
>Instead of sulking, I try inviting myself to stuff
>"Hey! Are you guys doing anything this weekend?"
>"Nah not really" specific interaction before they went to a big party, posted on fb
>Assume that it was spur of the moment
>Next time I hang out they talk about how they were excited for it for a long time
>Why am I not invited, why am I even bothered?
>Figure that I'm a sensitive special snowflake
>Try to stop caring, talk to her less so that I don't freak out
>She notices
>During this time I start dating a new guy (over the course of 2 years) and eventually plan to move to his state, about 1000 miles away
>Mention this to friend
>"Oh okay, have fun!"
>Says she's too busy to say goodbye
>Meanwhile a month earlier throws a going away party for a friend moving about 60 miles away

I must be a petty bitch.

Anonymous 13858

came out as bisexual and they accused me of sexual assault. they were the first real friend group i'd had in my life. also, i had a huge crush on the "leader", but never made any moves because of his longtime gf. he was the one who told me i should leave the group.

happy ending: i lost weight, cut my hair, started dressing nice and have tons of new friends. ex-crush got awful haircut and looks like young snape, his girlfriend is still the most bland person i've ever met, and the 2 girls that lied about me raping them now have a) a godawful weave and horribly low self-esteem because she's half-black and her friend group is racist as hell and b) the full femcel aesthetic: cargo shorts and supernatural t-shirts to school as well as the face of a pug. :)

Anonymous 13859

>What happened for you to drift apart?
Well, I'm away at college so it was hard to keep good contact with her, but I was still great friends with her bf, who I had met in hs. She always rubbed me the wrong way a bit but I usually let it go. Basically, she went behind my back and admitted to "hiding" that she had befriended this guy I really didn't like from hs. It's the fact that she hid it and didn't discuss it with me that I thought was insane, since she invited BOTH of us to her wedding and he would be taking pics of me, as her bridesmaid. That was the last straw. I was still gonna go to her wedding but didn't have a ride b/c they bailed (not that she believes me), then later confront her weeks later. Anyway, I had already planned on not staying friends whether she remained friends with that guy or not, but she basically did choose him over me. lol
>Do you miss them?
Not really. It does suck that I don't really have any friends for when I return to my hometown though.
>Have you tried to reconnect?
No. I don't think we'll ever talk again. She basically told me I had to "work" on being a better friend and wanted me to beg for forgiveness, and I'm not doing that when she won't even admit /why/ I might be upset by her actions. She never got off her high horse.

Anonymous 13884


>What happened for you to drift apart?
She was always too busy for me it seemed, and outright didn't give a shit to speak for most of 2017 and never reached out to talk to me. So I ran away because I couldn't stand the reminders. It wasn't her being too busy as she was NEET, nor could it be depression as her partner described her as a "social fluttershy" and said she was always talking with all sorts of people. It wasn't a lack of ability to speak it was pure disinterest in me.

In 2017 she even messaged me out of the blue with this braggart story of being in some 6way group chat with a bunch of grilles from LC. I had been missing her nearly everyday and she didn't even bother to say hi that night, she just needed to tell me how much socializing she was doing. We had even called each other best friends in 2015 and I always wanted that back.

I made a thread about it here this year saying how hurt I was feeling and describing her behavior and was told "the person you were once friends with does not exist anymore, it's best you move on and stop missing a friendship that can no longer be."(it was something close to this).

That anon was right. I had been blown on for over a year and was too weak to accept it. I couldn't stand it so I ran away.

>Do you miss them?


>Have you tried to reconnect?

No. My phone number hasn't changed so if we ever reconnect it's up to her. That's never going to happen.


I wonder how she is doing and if she is okay. Sometimes I feel so hostile and resentful it was as if all this happened yesterday.

Either explanation upsets me. If she didn't value you me, that hurts. Or she did value me and wishes I didn't leave, in which case she is a retard for doing nothing to maintain it which is even more upsetting to consider. Either way my biggest regret regarding her is that I didn't wall of text her about how awful she made me feel for so long.

I don't think friendship is for me irl or over the internet.

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