Unsent letters Anonymous 2119
Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
I used to really wish you would message me more often, because it felt so one sided sometimes I could scream. I still don't know where I stand with you, aside from "back-up friend", as you have told me in the past. Fuck you, and fuck all your "real friends" too. I know you only chase after them because you think I'm going to always be there, while knowing they are not.
I don't appreciate being told that I'm essentially the one you choose last for spending time with, or talking to, in fact, I don't know how we devolved into this that I actually still put up with it.
I used to be patient with you but I've lost it all, I feel more resentful towards you the more I write and realise the way you've treated me near the end of our friendship has been some of the most anxiety inducing moments we've shared. At least on my part.
I don't know what I did to put a damper on us, but I feel your avoidant behaviour (because you "don't want to rock the boat") really put a strain on us because you never wanted to talk about the problems we could have solved to make us better.
I feel I should add, ignoring me after I helped you through your pregnancy scare for a week straight isn't fun. You didn't want to talk to your boyfriend during that week because he might leave you, but now you're all over him.
It's not even the first time that has happened either and you know it.
I've helped you when you were high multiple times, picked you up from strange places, and supported you through break ups.
Every time I think I've gotten the hint that you don't want to be my friend, out of the blue you will message me, and I will get so excited you've paid me attention I will instantly reply. And then nothing.
I've had enough. I'm not playing your validation game. Go and ignore someone else to feel superior. And then complain that no one really understands you.
We've been friends for 15 years. What's the point if you can't see past the end of your own nose?
Fuck you (again)
You are an ass I hope you are set on fire
I liked you a lot but now you just piss me off. Like really liked you. :(
The worst thing that you ever did was get involved with that queer shit on tumblr. You aren't even gay. Or bi. You are a straight girl. Acting oppressed over the dumbest shit and getting into flame wars was a big waste of your time that you could have spent hanging out with me, just what did you get out of it???????
Dear God you have issues. Being neets with you was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm glad I broke up with you. Get therapy.
I'm glad I never sent you nudes of me when i was younger you pedo. You were hot though.
You will never be a boy but I understand why you wanted to not be a girl, since your bio dad was useless and abusive and a drug addict that grew weed in your bath so you couldn't bathe, and your step dad was a porn addict. Your mom always wanted you to take care of the kids too. I wouldn't want to be a girl either. I hope you are in a better place now wherever you are, and you were able to get away from that shitstorm of a family bc they didn't want a bi daughter.
I'm glad you're finally in a committed relationship now and have been for some time, even though we're not friends and haven't been for some time.
I'm bitter forever I wish i could return and refund all the art I bought of yours even though it's for the stupidest reason.
To my dad
You kind of blew it didnt ya. You get what you give. Which wasn't a whole lot.
To my mom
I'm glad we're trusting each other a lot more. Its comforting knowing I can rely on you to be there for me and vise versa. We're not isolated any more.
You are a disgusting narc. You ruined my early twenties. You manipulated me until I didn't know who I was anymore and then destroyed my best friend too. We were vulnerable and we came from bad homes and you took advantage of that by making us think you loved us when you just needed fresh meat. You fucked scared teenage runaway girls and then kicked them out of your home. You were a monster, a predator and an abuser all by the age of 21.
Now you've decided you're a woman even though your trade is ruining them. You're trying to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. You always were terrified of criticism so you've found a trendy way of avoiding it. I hope the next girl you seduce cuts of your disgusting dick and never gets caught.
Im sorry for being so useless. I still have your valentines day gift and that painting you did of us and I write you letters all the time, I hope when I fill up your black book I'll have the courage to give it to you. I know we'll never get back what we had, but im glad we had it for the little while we did, it was the happiest Ive ever been. You were the best, I always told you I didnt deserve you, Im sorry you didnt believe me. Hope you and the boys are doing well, I smiled real hard at that picture your mom posted the other day, it was nice to see you smile.
>>2123>To my mom
>I'm glad we're trusting each other a lot more. Its comforting knowing I can rely on you to be there for me and vise versa. We're not isolated any more.
What a ride those letters were
I know we haven't known each other long, and aren't even very close, but I miss you. I just wish something more would've happened. Running into you a year ago in that parking lot really changed me; I just wish I made more of an effort or that it changed you. I hope you are happy/were happy with her. I bet we would've had a lot fun. I just we wish got a chance to see each other more (it's been nearly 3 months!!) and I just wish I could've been more open. I love your personality, your style, your creativity, I hope it's safe to say I love you. You would always initiate the conversation with me, and you would always greet me, when they wouldn't. I feel like I'll never meet someone else just as charming and sweet as you. Your friends can be idiots sometimes, but I understand why you hang out with them. If the future leads us on different roads I hope that they will someday intertwine. Things would be so much more different.
Don't you miss our golden days? Every weekend we were near the coast, listening to music, and getting fucked up. You made me love the world, and you brought me out of my shell. Sadly, I could never bring myself super close to you, out of fear of you ignoring me/cutting me off. Part of me regrets that. While we once walked hand in hand, I now feel that we walk side by side, and will soon walk in different directions. I don't EVER want this to be the end of our friendship, because you are such a pure soul, and my heartaches when I think about what you've been through. Though we aren't as similar as we used to be and you have suffered mentally more than I can imagine, I have hope in us, and you. Please continue to work hard and never give up. I know it sounds corny but I'm serious, I don't want you ending up like all the other people we knew who just quit school and lived off their parents. I have faith in you.
A lot has changed in these last 3 years huh? That day you first revealed that you were leaving, I felt the end of an era closing in, and felt sick to my stomach. No more night rides near the beach, no more chilling at your place, no more inside jokes, no more outspoken fun, and no more memories. I feel like the year after you left would've been much more enjoyable if you stayed. Ever since you left us, you've gone on to do bigger and better things but I don't ever want you to loose sight of our friendship and personal experiences. You were there when I felt like my creativity was lacking, when I felt like I was unwanted, and when I was in the most pain. I'm not sure if I've made an impact on your life but you've made an impact on mine, and I don't want you to forget me, or any of us. I was with you when you experienced various milestones, and I was around when you went through various notable events. Even though we're not as "popular" or "pretty" as that new crowd you hang around, I just want you to know that we're so very similar on the inside. I know we still see each other on occasion, but it's been awhile since we really bonded. I miss your random hugs and "I love yous", I hope you still mean it. You're such a joke sometimes, but a really great friend.
I hope I can forget about you soon. Sometimes I still caught myself thinking about you, and it hurts. This is the second time I'm writing you a letter, so I'm clearly not over it. But I really want to be. I also hope you live a beautiful life, with health,happiness and love. You were very special to me and I hope someone loves you just as much I did. I miss your eyes, your smile and voice, and your hands. I miss being vulnerable with you, and having you being vulnerable with me too. You will probably be the only girl I will ever love. I wish you the best.
Why not use initials? Everyone is using them.
Resposting this because I liked the wrong post
Oh, sorry, I'm so used to /adv/ I didn't write a full sentence
I was asking what their initials were
Her name started with Y, I don't want to say the other initial. But rest assured she would never browse an image board. She never liked them.
I was asking yours, because your story reminded me of someone I know whose name also starts with Y.
I said "their" because I assumed you weren't the same anon I was quoting
I regret what I said to you and tried to reach back out when I realized how precious you were as I layed on the bathroom floor dying on drugs thinking that was the end of my life, but you never responded. I don't blame you for not responding, but I would like to know exactly why you didn't. Did my text not reach you or did you really not care about me anymore? Did my words hurt you that badly? Have you moved on? Do you still think about me?
I think about you every day at least once. I think about what you've been up to and if you're the same person. Hell, I still have dreams about you. You were my best friend and the only person I ever loved. We were closer than the closest sisters. I regret 100% that I lost you and threw you and almost a decades worth of love away in a short moment of anger. People always say romantic breakups are the hardest, but in my experience, breaking up with you was definitely the hardest. There are some days where I think about how tight we were and unbreakable, and I just break down to the point of crying and screaming because I realize you are gone and I can't get you back.
I'm sure you have a life now, more friends, a boyfriend, and are happier without me and you deserve all of that. I know I'll never find someone as cool as you or someone who gets me like you did. I still love you and I'll always love you. You taught me a lot about life and I will always be grateful for that. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget you. I miss you a lot and am filled with nothing but heartbreak and regret. I feel empty and lost without you. I wish I could take my words back and that we could be besties again but it will never happen. I am stupid as hell and I hate myself.
I miss your laugh, your stories, the way you made me laugh almost every sentence you said, the way I made you laugh more than anyone as well, the deep conversations we had, the things we bitched about together, the secrets we shared, the gifts we gave, the reassuring "I love you"s we said frequently to each other that no one else would give us, the stupid little times when we saw a pair of anime twins or sisters and would discuss which one I was and which one you were, the compliments we gave each other, the times we got drunk/high, the fun times we had trolling the hell out of people, how we talked to each other every day and night at every second, the 14 hour long calls and video game sessions we had together, the attempts to see each other in person even though we live across the country.
It pains me when something reminds me of you, and often, things do. 8 years is a long time, but I should've known you wouldn't want to die with someone like me. We were special, our bond was ethereal, and for me, no one will ever replace you in this life time.
I wish you truly regretted what you did to me, I wish you could see just the extent of the psychological damage you made. I sincerely hope you don't let him rape your new children and turn a blind eye to it as well.
Your first daughter
please let me live my own life and stop being so concerned about me all the time. It's not a good thing, it's awful, and all it does is make me want to make your biggest fear (that I'll leave and never talk to you again) come true. I know it's hard for you to understand that something like motherly love can be bad when in excess, but please just fucking believe me.
When I hit my nose and nearly broke it during your birthday party, it made me realize that this is making me fucking hate you. I was bleeding, I was in pain, I was fucking nervous thinking I broke my nose, and instead of staying calm and comforting me until we got to the hospital you were acting like a retard, crying and mat at me, cursing me for getting myself hurt and worrying you.
Do you have any idea what it's like for me to deal with depression when your well being depends entirely on mine? Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to not only feel sad and anxious, but also get EXTRA sad and anxious because my bad feelings will inevitably have an effect on you and you'll make me feel guilty for not being happy?
I feel trapped, I feel like never looking into your face again. I'm 26 and you still call me every night to make sure I got home safely. I'm 26 and you still call every single one of my friends when I don't pick up the phone because you are so fucking codependent you can't let me be off your radar for over 6 hours. I'm 26 and you broke into my apartment because I was asleep and my phone was on mute and I didn't answer your calls.
You are fucking insane. This is not normal. I don't know what the fuck you or your therapist were doing during all those years when you were in treatment and it never got better, but I'm fucking glad you decided to stop going to pay for "my therapist". The truth is, I'm not going to any therapist. I'm not the one who needs it, I'm pocketing your fucking money. I'll suck you dry of everything you have because if you don't have any self-respect I'm not going to respect you either.
Consider this reparation for all the paranoia you instilled in me. You are so fucking crazy I wouldn't doubt that you have literal cameras in my apartment and are watching me type this. You should have gotten a dog instead of a kid, because the dog wouldn't mind the fucking leash.
I wish you'd do something for me at least once, especially right now when I feel so lonely and vulnerable. I understand that we shouldn't expect anything back when we give, but I feel hurt when I see how little you seem to care about all the things I went through for you, and never get any "proof" that you value me too. I don't know if this is a childish way of thinking, or if it's fair or not, but this is how I feel.
The only thing I need is a tight loving hug from you, and your presence. I need you in this tough moment. I'm hurting. I feel alone. The only thing I really need is having you here. I want all the things we have been telling each other for the last years.
Please stop trying to convince me to do things I don't want to do, especially because I know you know what's the best option for both of us. I know that deep down you know it's unfair to ask those things from me. I really hope you do.
You're right. That's not normal at all and I empathize with you. Keep on keeping on.
What am I to you? You give me an occasion of your attention once every other week, and forget about me for the rest. But when you do talk to me, you make me feel like I am the center of your universe, like there is nothing else you would like to do but talk to me. And I resent you for that. The way that you push me away and pull me back in like I am weightless and fully surrendered to your charm. I know it's my fault too; being too weak to tell you no, that you can't just keep using me as an ego boost, and that I can't worship you like this forever.
You don't know how badly I miss you when you are away. I keep track of every hour that you don't respond to me. I adore you way more than I could ever let on. Every attempt I made at distancing myself from you is broken by just one message from you. I look at your town on a map and just daydream about what you are currently doing at that moment. And then the depression overtakes me, because I know that whatever it may me, you aren't thinking about me. I am just the one who gives you that satisfaction in your confidence when I screenshot your pics or react to your sweet nothings.
Fuck you. Just fuck you. After all you went through and put me through, I thought you could have understood me better, but you let your situation ruin you. I got out of it and saved myself. Yes, I was raped, trapped, and forced to have a child, yes, I proudly proclaim, I don't consider that child mine. No, no one will think I am a bitch for saying that, no one but you. No, I will not pay my rapist ex child support, no I will not get custody of the child… I know my father yelled and hit you, but you planned to have me, you were married, you wanted -me-. I always knew you were a sad pathetic woman. Leaving my dad, but then getting back with your ex from highschool, running away from home when i was 10 to date a 25 year old, pawning me off on grandma but then getting back with my stepdad after your rebellious fling was over, more importantly after my brother wasn't an infant. You haven't changed from then. You will never understand me, and I don't want you to. You are not welcome at my wedding and I refuse to take anything I might inherit from you. You will die without ever hearing my voice ever again.
Damn, lots of people itt are sad/mad at their moms. That made me stop to think about my relationship with mine too. She's always been overprotective and controlling to the point I felt like I had to kill myself or run away. I'm an adult and she hasn't really changed, though I have come to accept things. She will always be like that, unfortunately, and that will make me distance myself from her eventually. My life will probably change a lot next year so I know shit will hit the fan, but I hope she will still want me in her life to some extent because I definitely want her in mine despite her own insanity driving me nuts with her on a daily basis. I love my mommy, eek.
Just stopping by to wish you all good vibes.
Saging this because this isn't really a letter.
I'm sorry I bullied you all over /cgl/ almost 10 years ago. I still think your actions warranted it and you tried to do worse to others, but I didn't intend for you to abandon social media completely. I was on my high horse trying to teach you some hubris and so many people joined in detailing similar experiences they had with you so I felt justified, but I should've stopped inciting these threads once you went to the police to press charges against the wrong person. You were a hot mess of online stalking and rage fits. Nobody liked you because you were a terrible person who'd throw public fits if people didn't fall over themselves prioritizing you in every possible way and even said so yourself - that you wouldn't accept your friends complimenting anyone else. I realize now that you're incredibly mentally ill and sometimes I wonder how much of it you deserved, but then again you never even implied to make an attempt at getting better, no matter how often your family put you into wards, no matter how many friends abandoned you and tried to explain why. Even your therapist stopped seeing you. I always wanted you to succeed with your talents but you refused to hone even those skills you were most proud of and passionate about. You defended yourself about the stupidest things but never addressed the real problems everyone had with you. I wish you could've gotten better but every time I find a sliver of your online presence it looks like you still haven't changed one iota.
After you threatened to violently kill me, I couldn't stay around anymore. Add that to the way you were slandering me and threatening to hurt the people I were once friends with, for absolutely no reason because 99% of the things you were blaming me for had never even happened in the first place.
Yes, I was physically far enough not to fear anything, but I thought that was more than enough. And I know it was.
It's been a long time now, and I know for sure you still hate me, or pretend to hate me. I wonder if you really do though. I think the answer is yes, but i will never stop wishing you don't.
Deep down my heart I really want to contact you again because of how important we were to each other, but I know I shouldn't. Logic and reason tell me not to. And I won't, for at least a long time. I just wish you knew I don't hate you anymore, and I probably never really did anyway. I was just afraid of you, and sad, and hurt.
My heart misses you even though I may never have the chance to talk to you again.
I wonder if souls are real or not. If they are, I hope we meet in the next life so we can stay together, side by side, happy again.
Our last exchange was 3 years ago, with you trying to booty call me. You got married this weekend. It still hurts. Do you still lie about losing your virginity to me? I have no doubt you feel no remorse for what happened, why do I still care?
((i am pathetic))
You are a nice person but I can not stand how I need to walk on glass around you. If I mention anything that could make you feel insecure, could be intercepted as having something to do with your or you have a bad day, you victimise yourself. I end up apologising for things that I should not have to apologise for. I keep on trying to show how much I care for you, but in the end I always feel like I did something wrong.
It has gotten to the point that I avoid and dread communicating with you. When I have a point, you try to convince me that I am wrong - when it is something I am well versed in. You act very insecure and try to act all "feminist", when in fact women make you so insecure. You lash out on women all the time for the most trivial things. Then, when someone mentions something that could be taken as relating to a person like you, you throw a shitfit on how other people need to be accepting and feminists like you. You openly wish death on people who disagree with you, at times not as a "joke".
You are a big hypocrite and it makes communicating with you very difficult, because you are otherwise such a great person.
Please, get over your insecurities. They tarnish you.
Dear Past Me (circa 12 years old),
I'm probably quite disappointing to you. I’m really sorry that I haven’t become a world-renowned author yet like we had envisioned for ourselves all those years ago. You see, you’ll become too busy with school and college to spend time on your hobbies. Writing will take a low priority because you’ll fall behind your peers a lot. You’ll have to deal with a lot of stress. I’m sorry, it’s really hard to have to tell you that when you’re so young but maybe it will encourage you to look into getting diagnosed with a learning disability. I’m too embarrassed to get that kind of diagnosis now. Please, don’t ever forget that dream though. We will get there eventually, I promise.
I also took quite a different path in life to the one we chose. I think you’d still be proud of me, though. It’s not the job we wanted where we get lots of time off to work on our future best-selling novels and one that makes us want to leap out of bed with excitement every morning. It’s really hard work, but it pays well. I know, it’s really hard to tell you that you end up favouring a job that pays well over one that you enjoy. I bet you already know at that age that this is what adults do, they’ve been taught by our society that money is more important than happiness. But at least we’ll be able to afford a house after 20 years. That’s good, right? I’ll check in with you in a few years to let you know if it was worth it.
Your dog died a few weeks ago. I just wanted to let you know that it’s going to be easier than you think to let him go. You actually got him at a pretty good time, because when you do have to finally say goodbye, you’re going to be an adult and it’s going to be easier to cope with. I don’t want to scare you, but in his old age he develops a lot of problems. He struggles to breathe, he has a skin condition, his appearance changes a bit and he doesn’t enjoy the things he used to like going for walks or play fighting with you. That’s why we had to stop him from suffering, it was the right thing to do. It’s not scary, you don’t actually see him pass away. One day, you come home and he’s not there anymore. I just wanted to let you know that you should appreciate every day you have with him. He’s your best friend, although I know you already know that. Make sure he gets plenty of long walks and talk to him often, he loves your voice. Be patient with him. He develops a lot of annoying habits towards the last few years of his life, but remember that it’s not his fault. Hug him every night before you go to bed, okay?
Going to your new school is going to be really exciting, but it’s going to have its challenges. You get bullied a lot. You should just keep your head down and study. Don’t put up with people who don’t treat you well just because you’re afraid of being lonely. You will find amazing friends in a few years, even a boyfriend who loves you more than you can imagine right now. The things those people say will stay with you forever, so don’t listen to it. Your teacher will also bully you. The people you trust the most. You’re so young to have to deal with this, I’m so sorry. But don’t listen to what they say, please, don’t let it get to you. Don’t allow them to crush your dreams and make you give up your hobbies. They’re not silly, they’re beautiful and they make you who you are. Hold on to them for as long as you can. Don’t let mom treat you like a baby, either. This is your time to have boy/girlfriends and wear silly hairstyles. You’re becoming a little woman and that’s okay. Embrace it. Trust me, it’s going to be way more embarrassing to go through a “teen phase” as an adult so now is your time to do it. You’re going to develop depression, it’s inevitable. All I ask is that you take good care of yourself. Tell yourself nice things, take lots of breaks, don’t waste your time on people who make you feel worse. Even if you think nobody loves or cares about you, I do.
Ultimately, I just wanted to let you know that no matter what stage of life you’re at, don’t listen to anyone. Hold onto your interests, do all the silly things that you want to do and make lots of little mistakes. Make friends with people who tell you that you’re pretty and funny and intelligent because they’re the comments that you’re going to remember for years afterwards. Appreciate everything you have, no matter how small. Your life isn’t going to look like what you expected it to in ten years, but that’s okay. Be open to change. Say “yes” to every challenge or opportunity that comes your way. Make lots of good memories. Look after yourself.
When you do show up these days, I’m so overwhelmed I want to cry, push you away, and then scream at you. It’s easier to just shut down instead.
You really were special to me. You still are. I’m too old to say “I WISH YOU WEREN’T!” but here we are. I miss your gentle voice, your surprised laugh; I miss being wrapped up in you 15 hours a day for our years together. I was going to be your wife.
“Bibere venenum in auro.”
farewell - by ryan…
I wish you'd take action for once, and give the first step into a new life. I understand your situation is complicated, I really do. I know you can't rush things, but if you stay stagnant, nothing will happen. That includes good things too. Next time things start to improve, please, please… Take action. Don't let things stay the same. The time is coming and you need to take the lead here.
I wish I knew how to comfort you better. I try my best, but I don't know if that's enough. I'm writing you this letter because I don't want to touch this topic today, since I know you've felt very sad lately. All I want you to know is that I am by your side no matter what happens there. You have me here for you and with you, as long as you want me in your life.
You have a loving mom and I care a lot about her, but you're about to turn 30, and shouldn't let her dictate things for you anymore when it comes to where you will live, and all of that. I've always let my own mom do the same to me, so I understand how hard it is, but we both need to break free in our own ways. I know we can help each other.
I feel so distant from you when you're sad, and push me away. In this time of sadness and despair, you shouldn't be alone.
There's a lot more I want to say, but for now, that's it.
I love you very much,
I'm sorry to hear the news. I wish I knew you were going through big problems, maybe I'd have waited longer to reach out, or acted differently than I did. I still think about you every now and then wondering if you're ok or not, and how your life is going. I won't lie to you, I wish things were different… I guess you wouldn't want to hug me, nor look happy when seeing me anymore. That hurts. I hope someday we manage to see each other and that I will change my mind about the way I think you see me. At least now that I know the circumstances you're in, I can tell myself you probably didn't mean to seem so cold… I can only wonder so many things…
I'm sorry we couldn't reconnect before you died. I'm sorry that I couldn't explain why we lost touch in high school. When I was looking up your page after I got the news, I saw that I was unblocked. I thought you hated me. I wish I could have told you about what he did and how it affected me, but you were his best friend. What would it have accomplished? I wish I would have just gotten over it and spent time with the people I cared about. You were one of my closest friends. And I'm sorry that I let one person get in the way of that.
Wherever you are now, I hope you can be happy. I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend. I'm sorry we never got to hang out one more time.
PS. The only reason I didn't go to the funeral is because if I saw him there, I wouldn't have been able to keep it together. I'm sorry. Your best friend was an abuser and a rapist and I know you're gone but at least I can say it out loud now. I'm sorry.
You push me to better myself. Thank you for staying. I love you.
Wish we said goodbye to one another before exiting the stage: you to the left, and I to the right. Reading our script sounds like a bad movie we'd once lambaste for its weak ending. We could have written it better.
I miss you. Hope you're okay.
Get over him. He's not interested. Tweeting about every time his hand brushes your hair fondly or how cute he looks today sinks you deeper into the rabbit hole.
You could become a great photographer if you stopped posting five variations of the same picture. The only difference between all of them is a slight tilt of the head. Filter.
I'd tell you this to your face, but that would require you to show up and stop flaking on our plans. C'est la vie.
Sorry for friendzoning you the way I did. Thought it would be better for you to hate me than to be led on. Should have been gentler. I did like dissing Fantano and talking vidya together. Hope you found your people.
Maybe we'd be friends in another life. Part of me believes that we're both secretly envious of one other. The more realistic half knows that you don't give a shit, let alone remember my name. I do though, and that pisses me off.
Do they have green juice in heaven? If so, are you actually in hell?
Sorry for being a disappointment. You would've wanted me to pursue something practical. Maybe I'll regret my choices someday, but not now. In some ways, your passing opened doors I could have never stepped through with you by my side. Every achievement I accomplish feels bittersweet because of that.
Your adages for a balanced diet echo across the supermarket when I do the groceries. Editing formal pieces becomes difficult without you hovering over my shoulder and remarking how I could reword a sentence for brevity. Despite your conservative perspective on dating, I think you'd like my boyfriend. He's a softer version of you, but you both keep me grounded.
Thank you for trying your best. I wish I had a few more years to get to know you better. You were a good person and a selfless mother.
My biological father,
I don't know whether you've heard of her death. Fuck you anyway.
>>3237>8 months ago
Well, I gave it my best. I guess I shouldn't have bothered.
Go to hell for saying all those ridiculous and rude things about me today, and wishing me bad luck just because I unfollowed you. You sound like a spoiled kid, I'd never believe you'd have such a childish reaction. I should have unfollowed you ages ago because we don't even talk to each other, so it was about time. Throw my old letters in the trash and leave me alone for good. You only remember me when you want help or something, or when you are in need. I won't forget the way you treated me when I was younger. I hope everything you wished upon me bites you in the ass.
I woke up thinking about you today. I wonder if you're okay. Maybe you are dead and I will never know. I know you hate me, and even though I don't really know why you do, I can't force myself to hate you, even though I probably should.
It's been a long time, but I can't let go of the good memories. I miss seeing so much vulnerability coming from someone, and how you showed me your angst when it hit you. It made me feel like being vulnerable with you was okay too even if in the end it really wasn't. I hope that, wherever you are, someday you feel in your heart that I cherish our good moments and will always care about you, even if I'm far. Things will never be the same.
I opened the notebook you gave me and read some of your poems. I wish I could cry, but I can't allow myself to be sad over you after the pain you've inflicted on me. All I can do is wish we both find peace.
I honestly cannot wait until the day you die, you broke me when i was already broken, you almost pushed to kill myself again, i will never forgive you, you might be family on paper, but i do not consider you so.
I might feel bad for you at times, and sometimes i think i will regret stopping talking to you once you are dead, but then i remember how much you are hurting our family, and i remember that not talking with you was my best decision.
Maybe you should think before you act.
Go rot in hell, you absolute bitch. You decided to ruin my whole teen years for your own amusement, you were the one who deserved no friends, not me, i will always regret trusting you.
I used to love you so much, i considered you my sister from another mother, the day you dissappeared my heart broke into a million pieces. I never believed in internet friendship until i met you, i recently found your Facebook and saw you finally came out like you wished to and got the dream job you wanted. God, i am so proud of you, i wish i could tell you, but our relationships was old news and it does not need to be revived.
I'm sorry i ignored you that time, i sent you some e-mails but i guess you didn't see them or didn't care to reply, i was young and stupid. You were my first real friend on the internet, and i'll never forget you. I wish i could just talk with you so i could apologise for being so dumb and putting you to the side for superficial friendships.
You are amazing and i wish i could tell you that a million times until you believed it.
Thank you so much for everything you did for me, you were the light in darkness at times. You were, and i'm sure, are, wonderful in every way.
i'm really sorry you are going through so much stress, i wish i could take it all myself even if it meant worsening my mental health, seeing you cry broke my heart. I'm sorry we do not have the best family, and i'm sorry for being stupid at times. I know you love me, as i do you, i'm sorry sometimes i let my depression take the best of me.
I'm sorry for trying to kill myself so many times and telling you i wish i was dead that day, the way you broke down was terrible.
I wish i could be better or feel joy. But in the meanwhile, i'll try to be strong until you can feel at home again.
You know you can lean on me, even when sometimes you act in terrible ways, so do i.
I saw your twitter the other day, you changed so much, and you achieved your dreams, i knew you would make it past your adversities and survive. I wish we met under different circumstances so we could have been closer, i'm sorry for breaking your heart.
how is your life going? i wish we kept in contact after we were separated. You were the first friend that didn't betray me terribly, we both grew up a lot and we are most likely different now, but i wish we could have stayed friends, despite the distance.
did you ever achieve your dreams of being an actress? you were such an amazing friend, and i didn't know how to behave as one, i probably disappointed you so many times, you were always the first to call and the first to talk. I wish i could just explain to you that i was scared of friendship after all my past endeavours and i didn't know how to behave, but god, did i loved you as a friend. Every single day of my life i regret not being more proactive with you. You made me feel at ease when i was at my worst.
And despite what everyone tried to say, you remained my friend and trusted me, just as i did. We didn't care for malicious rumours or whatever, we knew each other and we knew we could trust each other, didn't we?
I hope your life is going just the way you wanted it.
Dear past me,
Sadly, you will make it past 20, all your suicide attempts will fail and you'll feel so lost after not making any plans. You are not as terrible as you think you are, you are a sweet girl who got caught up by terrible people. I wish you could stand up for yourself and fight it, maybe then, i would be in another situation.
I'm sorry that you didn't even believe you deserved to live even before you hit double digits in age. You still think it in the future, and you will try to end it a million times, god, you are so fucked on the head, but if i can promise you anything is that you will realise you are not as awful as you think you are and you will grow into something.
And hey, maybe we can get our dream job!
Dear future me,
Hoe please get a grip.
What happened. I was supposed to go out there with you. We were going to start our lives together. You just cut me out before we even had a chance to grow together. Were you scared? Did you fall out of love? Why didn't you tell me you were uncomfortable with our plans? Why did you tell me you didn't have time for our relationship and then immediately start a new one? You were always so hesitant with me and we took things so slow. It's been a month and a half with her and you're on a roadtrip and taking her to Disneyland. Things we did together. Things we wanted to do together. I hate her so much. Why are you giving her all the time you said you couldn't give me. Why did you hurt me like this. I thought you loved me. You said you loved me when you left. Why are you doing this to me. Two weeks after you were gone and you're already loving her. Why couldn't we be happy. Why couldn't we work together. Everyone thought we were great together. You always made me feel so amazing. I loved you more than anyone else.
How could you do this to me.
I hope maybe you come here, because I assume you're still into lolcows. I think about you a lot, and wish we could have parted on better terms. I hope law goes well for you and you become a power lesbian and have the future of your dreams. Please forgive me for being a shitty person.
I miss having you as my father.
He was an older friend, he always treated me with respect and love, just like he treated his daughter. He helped me a lot when I was in need. He started to start problems and we ended up losing touch. I miss him.
I'm sorry I had to stop talking to you. I really am ridiculously avoidant to the point of it ruining any semblance of a social life I had. I still watch what you post and will always love your work. I hope you can overcome what your mother has done and flourish, even getting that sought after career you speak of so much.
I admittedly had a bit of a crush on you, but you are too far away and too good for me. You really are amazing and I want you to get better.
Barely a day goes by without me being reminded of some aspect of you that I miss, I wish I'd tried harder as you were the first and only thing in many, many years that made me at all happy.
I don't like the 'rotten' part of you. I just know that you're so much more than that. I admire and respect who you are as a whole, so so much. I can handle the rotten you, but it looked like you couldn't handle the me that was reeled back.
I never intended my message about your loss to feel unsympathetic. I should have used more words to show that, I am sorry how it came out. But I also know I didn't do anything wrong.
Because of the date drawing closer, I'm going to take the advice you gave me when you weren't manic, to be with a nice girl and dip.
Please go back to your cool therapist lady. You're capable of going through hell and coming out on top but you've been slipping a lot lately and she's the only one who can really help.
I don't want to send this to you directly now because of the way you've been responding. I've also been slipping. I don't know what is going on with me.
I really do hope you make the most out of life. You're the strongest person I know and your existence makes me hopeful for the world. I love you and I wish you the best.
almost 8 years later and I still wish we actually gave us a shot back then.
I’m sorry. You were strong, and brilliant, and brave, and so handsome. And I’m just me, mousy with no chin or chest. You were so good to me, but I thought I was a Summer fling, that you’d vanish like you appeared and all I’d have was amazing memories.
Everywhere we went pretty girls hit on you, wanted your attention, stared at me wondering if I was your cousin or something of if a man like you would actually date a girl like me. In my bones I was sure that I was just a conquest, maybe even to prove you weren’t shallow.
So when you told me you loved me it scared me. I thought you couldn’t mean it; I thought it was like when boys would say their friend thought I was cute but it was a prank. It couldn’t be real.
I’m sorry I ran off. I’m so sorry I ignored your calls and messages. I’m sorry I didn’t see you that last week before you went home.
Your wife is so very pretty, your sons quite handsome. I hope you all are as happy as you appear. Thank you for giving your new daughter the same name as me.
ANON STOP YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY
This sounds like a tragic romance. If you have writing skills it may be cathartic to write a novel, no lie.
to the class president:
I'm sorry I didn't tell you from the start that I don't like you, I was confused and scared and didn't know how to say it without being mean. But seriously HOW haven't you realized yet that I am not one bit interested in you? I feel so uncomfortable whenever I have to interact with you. Just give it up and move on already. I hope I never meet you again.
Great, now my heart is racing from adrenaline.
I really wish he knew that and I wish you had a peace of mind that he knows. You sound like an extremely caring and good person. None of you should hurt but at some point you both did.
It took me a long time, but I realized long after that I accepted how bullies treated me but rejected how people like him did; even later I realized it was self-hatred.
I don’t hate myself anymore. I’m still alone, but not self-loathing.
I miss you so much. I wish I could tell you.
Kay, I'm sorry that I ran away. I'm not able to be me right now and we both need different things. I'm sorry that I got defensive. We both met each other at the wrong time. I'm sorry I didn't say this directly to you. I enjoyed our time together.
Good thing you can’t read this or you might tell me you told me so or just flat out ignore me. I think that despite everything you might have genuinely loved me and I see your efforts now.. thqt thing you said so early on into our relationship put me off you so much but you never acknowledged how bad it actually was. I don’t know if I miss you now because you were the only one I have here that could actually help me now or if I have feelings for you still.. I really wish you hadn’t pushed me so far so fast..
I'm so sorry I fucked things up. I'm sorry I left when things were so hard for you. I'm sorry I came back and did the same damned thing again.
I think we could have been happy and I ruined it, and things will never be the same. I miss you dearly and I'm glad we can still meet as friends sometimes. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
To E and S,
On days like today I regret everything that has happened. I was doing fine today and suddenly started thinking of how you two might be feeling or doing. A lump started to form in my throat and I feel stabbed through the chest. I never bothered to tell you how I feel. If you resent me I deserve it, if you miss me then you're hurting yourself for no good reason. I don't have the audacity to write "dear", what I have done is not something you do to ones considered dear.
E, I didn't bother saying goodbye to you. My rationale for not giving that to you was petty, spiteful, and selfish. I was so furious and upset with you for something you were certainly oblivious to. The truth is you are 100% the reason I disappeared, I said goodbye to your lover and not you because of how hurt I felt by you. For so long you were my only hero and role model, I expressed that sometimes but never conveyed to what extent I looked up to you. I was terrified of you not approving of something about me. 2017 though, besides the terrible ending it had, I will always remember as being tremendously hurt by you. I hated every moment of it. I would always disappear because in truth I felt devastated every time S spoke about you. She would casually mention something as simple as you walking to the corner store and at times it would make me erupt into tears. I didn't know what to do but I wanted away from you both during the most of that year. I still felt guilty for what had happened between us and mostly felt like I deserved to be treated that way by you. I don't know what to think of you anymore. At times I just miss you and at others I feel like I hate everything you are. Honestly, days like today are nothing compared to how agonizing it was being in contact with you. But I am sorry, I truly carry a lot of sorrow with me over this and will forever be a betraying, backstabbing monster.
S, I'm sorry for how vicious and mean I was the days before I ran away. I wasn't lying when I said these feelings I have about the friendship with the both of you was affecting me everywhere I went, it was as if the emotions were going to make my brain implode and I took it out on you, as I was committed to not speaking to E until she spoke first. I envied you so much. I never once expressed it but anytime you mentioned your family or friends I would get angry at you, and sometimes selfishly wished you would censor details about your life when talking to me. The sentence you spoke about your mother calling you twice a day actually put me over the edge enough to grow the motivation to finally escape the overwhelming pain I felt towards E. I'm an awful person for this but I never wanted comfort you about anything because I viewed your aches as invalid, I viewed the "dark place" you said you were in as a paradise. It would make me so envious and all the metacognition and trying to grow up never made me able to get over that. It's easy to justify my actions by remembering the love you both bask in, and that if I have endured such isolation and abandonment you can stand to have one less friend, but in reality I'm just a piece of shit trying to sleep at night.
I never want to be in your lives again but wish I could hover in your room as a specter to confirm you're okay and see what you've been up to. I did a lot of unimaginable stuff after we parted, I went on several dates, changed my style and hair dramatically and even moved far away just like I said I would. I'm in a relationship again and recently I feel like I don't even deserve it because of what I've done to you. You know I'm not religious but recently I've prayed that you both are happy and well. If there was a way to lobotomize any memory of you both from my mind I would but I'm never going to forget you. I miss you so much.
It's me again. I'm happy for you. But I'm an autist so I just liked your status because I don't know what to say. I want to apologize for being so stupid and inexperienced and I want to be your friend. I'm sorry I'm stupid and can't do that. I don't even know if you'd want that.
I won't post any more creepy letters any more. I just regard you fondly and I want you to be happy. Even that's worded stupidly.
Congratulations! I wish the world for you. You're a good person.
It is hard for me to express myself and so I may seem boring or dumb. I hate that you don’t care about anything. I hate that you “don’t have feelings.” You do have them. You suppress them but they still exist. Who hurt you? Who made you not want to feel anything again? You said you don’t have feelings but you also once said you missed me. Isn’t that a feeling? You limit your chances of happiness by suppressing your emotions. I hate that I’m nothing to you.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I adore you. Just looking at You, your face, the way you act around people. Watching you do even the smallest things, like light your cigarette, just makes me love you more somehow. It just started as a tiny crush, a what if, A curiosity, but now I can say that I actually love you. I can't wait to get to know you more and more and find more little things to love you for. I want to hear everything.
The idea of you gives me hope and just briefly seeing you makes every shitty day better. I want to hug you
You're a hypocrite and I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore. I felt bad for always thinking you were my friend but feeling unhappy, so I never wanted to voice my feelings, but I'm glad I finally did when the moment came. You are the one who was always guarded and fake, not me. Stop acting like a constant victim when we all have problems, and stop gaslighting people just because meds worked for you. My feelings matter and if I have an issue with you, meds aren't going to solve that completely. Good luck to your new married life.
Maybe I'm just young and stupid, but I do think you could be the love of my life. I think about you every night when we get off the phone I'm so excited I can't sleep well. You're the first boyfriend who has ever treated me with respect. I hope that we can be together in the future, and I worry about the distance between us every day. I hope I can return to you soon.
You're such a pretentious snob. You've done nothing and accomplished nothing but say lines like "pursue the arts at all costs", you got such a big head for taking violin lessons. You say lines like "people fall into 3 basic types, I however ______"
You ruined friendship for me. I hate you. I hate everything you've done. I hate how badly your rejection hurt. I fucking hate how much you acted like your life was a struggle under the insanely ez mode circumstances your adulthood has been. You act like getting free autism bucks and flying back and forth and getting to buy exotic instruments and clothes while never working a day in your life is difficult. You act like your mom "taking a week off from work to see me" somehow warrants your awful feelings. Your life is so god damn easy. You get stressed out from packing, or go "yeah REAL FUCKING COOL" because of doing 2 people's worth of dishes. You are that much of a child that doing such a miniscule amount of dishes frustrates you, yet somehow lack awareness enough to give me a "the world is your oyster" speech.
But I never felt okay thinking any of that and treated them like intrusive thoughts and buried them away. I never wanted to think mean things about you.
For so god damn long you ignored me. The only time I was good enough for you to initiate a conversation was when you needed something from me, and when I told you good night during that conversation you just ignored it. Prior to that I tried to talk to you over and over and over and over and over during the darkest period of my life and I was never enough to captivate you, you found a way to end the conversation swiftly by having to go do something. No matter when. I fucking hate you. Fuck you emma, fuck you, fuck you forever and fuck your ez mode struggles in life. You are so delusional. You are so full of yourself. Life would kick your ass so quickly if your stupid family and your SO's stupid family stopped existing. I hate you.
I've never gotten over you. Please die.
You Need to stop pretending to be like me. Anything I say or Do you instantly copy it. I was just FUCKING starting to make friends who like what I like but you had to come in and act like me while one upping me with your good looks. Let me be me and you be you. My personality is the only fucking thing that keeps people talking to me and you need to stop pretending to have my personality to get people to like you too. You’re gorgeous and have money so fucking work with that to get friends. I have fucking nothing but my personality. I’m ugly and disgusting but have a personality that I’m kind of proud of it’s ALL I FUCKING HAVE. You’re one of my best friends but this is the one thing that annoys me the most. PLEASE FIND YOUR OWN PERSONALITY AND FRIEND GROUP. DONT STEAL EVERYTHING IM HAPPY ABOUT.
I'm sorry, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I will never forget you and I will never be the same again after this.
Dear T, R, L, every person I've formed an obsession over, ever.
I love you all so dearly. And I get so warm thinking about the fact that you all exist at the same time as me. Even if I am romanticizing your words, even though this is ultimately unhealthy, I just. Love you.
I got your message and don't know how to respond.
I developed similar feelings for you and would like to be honest about it, but at the same time it wouldn't be for the best since I can't actually see us together. We live so far away and are at different points in our lives. I just think I'd end up being avoidant again or making you feel bad…or both. We also both know I'm unfortunately hung up on men since I can't open myself up to a relationship with someone I view as equal. It's too vulnerable. And I still view you as intimidating and much more impressive than me.
I don't know how to respond. If I do I'll probably lie about how into your personality I am, then try to move on with our friendship from there. But even that's not guaranteed. I'll probably be a coward and pretend I never opened up the account again and saw it
…I want you to know I don't hate you at least. I think about you regularly.
I wish we'd talk again, but after all this time, would it really be worth it? I don't even know how to find you. We will never talk again. You were so special to me, I know I won't ever love another girl again. I miss the way I felt back then, I miss waking up to you. I miss everything, even the things that hurt.
I keep coming back to this thread and scrolling up I can see I've posted about you before, and I know this time won't be the last. Am I ever going to stop missing you? I am with someone new now, someone who I love, so I won't ever reach out to you again. I hope life is treating you kindly, and that you're happy and healthy.
Are you still the same? I can only wonder.
I will always think of you.
Does your name start with S and end in n? It probably isn't addressed to me but damn the situation is similar to what I'm going through.
If not, I am sorry for bothering you.
No. Sorry you're dealing with someone similar to me tbh.
It’s cruel and I know it is, but I did get some satisfaction when you came to me to ask why none of the guys you’ve dated since you left me have loved you like I did.
It’s childish and petty and stupid, but there it is. Im pretty sure I wish you all the best, but I’m glad you left and it was still nice to hear that you feel like you’re missing out somehow.
I guess I can thank you for being so awful at the end that you basically beat self respect into me. I will never, ever, put up with treatment like that again. I deserved better.
It’s teally nice to finally be able to say that and believe it too.
Apparently the last person to truly love you.
To me at age 12
Sup you little idiot.
Come out if the closet.
Mum and dad don’t care. Dad will just play more video games with you and mum will stop nagging you about wearing more dresses. Do it.
It’s a damn sight better than the next six years of self hatred and anorexia for gods sake. Why are you doing this.
Where did you even get the idea it was bad from anyway you stupid child.
Just get it out there instead of wasting your teen years in a self imposed coccoon of self hate, because I’m the one who has to deal with the messed up personality we’re left with afterwards.
Your future gay self.
Also don’t date C when you finally get it all out. She cheats on you six times with four different men and you inexplicably take her back like an idiot every time. It’s not worth it.
>>17978>cheated 6 times
She definitely put the slut in it.
But really, the fault was with me being so stupid and always just smoothing things over and forgiving.
I was beyond pathetic back then.
>>17978>you basically beat self respect into me. I will never, ever, put up with treatment like that again.
Can relate. It's a mixed kind of feel.
Useful lesson to learn, I just wish I could've learnt it more quickly. And maybe with less heartbreak.
you're a jealous piece of shit and i'm glad you fucked yourself over
Sorry I'm trying to change my ways.
I can't say I was surprised when you didn't respond back when I needed you the most, but I was disappointed anyway. I was there for you when you needed someone, through the period you were fighting OCD to the loss of your grandmother, and the time you were afraid of that guy who was stalking you. I was there for you all the time, always with you.
I thought you'd be there for me too at least this time, but color me surprised, you weren't. If you didn't want to help me, for whatever reason, it would be ok and I told you it'd be ok. But why couldn't you at least fucking respond? Why leave me like that, waiting for an answer, when I was fucking despairing? If you had said no to me I'd have understood it and I'd have said "alright" and things would be okay between us. But no, you didn't give a shit and only said something when I confronted you. I saw you happily interacting with other people while I waited so I know you were online and that you chose to ignore me for over a week.
I have theories to explain why you did that, but I don't want to believe they were true because it would mean I didn't matter much to you in the end or that you were jealous of the good things that had happened to me while you were stuck in the same situation.
I thought of you as a little sister and the pretty girl I wanted to be like. I loved you so much. Every now and then I look at my messages and hope to see something from you, but nada. I know you won't message me, I'm usually the one who has to do that and take the first step. But this time I won't do it. I need to learn to let friendships and relationships die even when the fault isn't really mine and that trying to fix shit without the other person's help is something I don't have to bother with.
I hope that deep down you know you fucked up greatly and that you could've at least said something when I talked to you instead of ignoring me like that. I don't want to say that karma will get your ass because I still care about you, but honestly that is what is going to happen if you keep treating people the way you treated me. Not everyone is ~~kind and nice~~ and a pussy like I was, so they won't think twice before treating you like shit and rightfully telling you to go fuck yourself, and that is how karma is going to get you. You've always discarded people in your life and I never really stopped to think about that before you did it to me. I see many of my past bad qualities in you, and I hope you at least try to fix them like I've tried to do.
Every once in a while I wonder if I was harsh when I told you the truth, but I wasn't. I wasn't even harsh, but of course you will victimize yourself over that.
I hope you grow up as a person and that you don't disappoint more people the way you disappointed me after years of being close friends.
Merry Xmas again! I hope you have a nicer year ahead of you. It sucks to see you feeling so sad. J told me to brag for once in my life, but I didn't want to depress you even more telling you about the good things that have happened to me because I know you'd feel sadder. I wish you all the best! A nice job, maybe a partner and that you can go back to college if you want to. I hope we can meet up at some point since we talked about that for so many years. I'd like to have a female friend IRL and it'd be really good if we got closer again.
Seiya and Usagi.jp…
These letters aren't unsent letters I regret, but I write to the people I care about anyway.
Thanks for showing up in my life. You're the best decision I've ever taken. I feel your love for me every single day, and I am determined to make you feel the same amount of love daily as well. It was a risk, but so worth it. We gave your parents a wonderful gift together even if it wasn't something edible kek, but we will give them an even better gift in 5 years (^: Believe me when I say I want to spend the rest of my days with you – life is worth living if I can be with you.
Thanks for being a good friend! Can you believe it's been what, maybe almost 2 years? We were both very cautious when we started talking, but we've opened up a lot more the last few months and I'm happy to have you in my life. I hope we can see each other in person someday to have a drink.
You're going to have a great 2019! I can't wait for you to graduate and start a new phase in your life with your new nose and more confidence! Thanks for being here for me when I needed you and I hope our friendship can last many years to come. No more dildo scares next year.
I miss you lots! I showed you my heart, pls respond! Love you.
Stop sleeping and text me back. Also be a better mom, you huge womanbaby. Love you.
I am rather intrigued how Janus-faced you are still carrying yourself to be… and I used to call you my best friend. From lying for the sake of your own selfishness, to stooping as low as to befriend my ex-boyfriend and trying to circulate toxic as fuck rumors making the situation a lot more abysmal. I suppose the tables have turned now; I am now on good terms with my ex-boyfriend AND your ex-boyfriend whom you have manipulated and lied to many times. I showed him the evidence, the screenshots, everything.
I don't care if I manage to get back with my ex-boyfriend or not. What matters more is that the supposed loved ones know about your true nature; ironically, the one I also have as well. But at least I don't directly target people unlike you in order to vent out the issues you have in your life. It's… quite sad actually, to see you desperately trying to justify your past and making it seem like you have a peach-perfect life when in reality you completely downgraded from the ex-boyfriend you had. Your life completely downgraded while on my hand; I'm in higher education, I graduated, I am surrounded by more positive influences. But that's what I get for associating myself with the "kawaii thot" community to begin with.
I can see how easily you can manipulate men, how fake you truly can be, how superficial your entire persona is. And I can only feel pity for you and only hope you can get the hope you'll need. Because to a degree I still care, and I forgive you for doing such aghast things such as still pursuing my ex-boyfriend despite having a boyfriend yourself, but so be it.
Regardless, karma has backfired on you immensely for the pain and heartache you gave me and I could not be even more elated.
The lies, the manipulation, the narcissism. They'll continue to bleed out in so many toxic ways and it seems you'll never learn from your ways. And yet you still framed me as the vindictive one who "started it all".
Dear, it all started when you started to resent that I wanted to help you. I've done my fair share of ridiculous things too but I didn't stoop down to your level of petty.
Regardless, I can only hope that someday you'll learn from your toxic behaviors. The indirect petty remarks you make are directed at a small audience, unlike mines where my pictures speak volumes.
My standards for having a best friend has risen and I do not regret it; because the standards needed to be associated with you are rather low and all of them eventually see how blackened your heart truly is.
I'm not a saint either but at least I am authentic and secure in my identity instead of trying to cater to people and molding to be their objects of desire. But please, do continue to be petty over knowing that more and more people know about your ways. It's amusing how much you stalk me but don't know anything about what really goes on in my life.
Of course you wouldn't, you're my ex-best friend. So please, do continue trying to "hurt" me. It'll just hurt you more in the long run.
To my dog,
I'm sorry that I shouted at you for pooping in the house. I didn't know it was going to be your last day on earth and I regret it every single day. I love you.
I don't like dogs but this is sad. RIP dog.
I thought of you today at an italian place my parents took me to. I wish I didn’t feel such an imbalance with how I desperately relied on your friendship and how little you seem to really care about it. It hurt my feelings so bad when you said I was acting like a jealous girlfriend. I don’t find you attractive at all in that way. I love you like my own sister, like kin. And I think for you, friendships are all about taking photos for Instagram and playing cards. I just wanted more, I guess. And to now know that you never wanted that deep of a friendship with me really hurts.
I’m sorry for making you cry and I’m sorry that I enjoyed it.
We were friends for years, but when I tried to warn you about that gold digging ho you blocked me and nearly ruined our friendship all so you could have a shot at her. And then what. She ghosted you, chasing after somebody else. I can't even be happy about it; I just hope you're willing to listen to me next time.
I hope you got over your issues. You were a genuine mess back then, but you were also the first and only person I've ever loved deeply. My feelings were wasted on you. I haven't felt that passionately about anyone ever since, and you responded by ghosting me three separate times. I wish I could tell my past self to just give up on you then, but instead I wasted so much time and energy waiting months for you to reappear. I hope you feel terrible about how you treated me.
Glad you could throw away our friendship of eight years for some druggies who know how to get you into raves. Hope it was worth it.
I wish you could stick with something for longer than a week. I wish you could like me and I could know that you wouldn't just get bored of me a month later and disappear.
I hate myself and I wish I were dead.
It was short and fast, and I don't know how I got so stuck on you but I did. Despite all our differences and how cold and uncaring you wanted to seem, I've seen that inner part of you that is different. I wanted it to work out, maybe a little too much and that chased you off.
Just know I wish you nothing but the best.
i'm going to speak to you this year. within the next few months, lemme polish my skills first.
we may not be friends & it might end badly but this admiration has gone on for too long? i'll give it a try
Are you sure you have a learning disability? Your writing is excellent, even if too sweet for my taste. My diagnosis is you're being a dummkopf because of depression. People with disabilities don't write half as good as you. Dummy!
I write for an hour (almost) every day before clocking into work, and on weekends. It's not too late for you.
Psychology major who's also a future world-renowned author.
this get me intriged, what do you do for a living?
I know we will probably never talk again. Part of me is relieved because of the amount of pain you've caused me through the years, but I can't lie. It hurts to think I won't ever hear from you anymore. I am so happy, I feel so loved. Things have happened and so much has changed, but every now and then I think of you. You brought me so much happiness, and you took it all away too… With your pain and all the mental and emotional anguish you were in. I wish I never destroyed the things you gave me, but I know it was the best decision. I miss your laughter and your happy face, even if in the final months all I could get from you were screams and offensive words. I want you to succeed, I want you to rise up, I want you to overcome all the bad things – I want you to be happy. If people only knew I secretly still wish you all of this, maybe they would tell me you don't deserve me wishing you good things because of what you did to me, but my heart speaks louder. Maybe we really are connected at a soul level, it is the only explanation… Thus we will always be together, even if we're never close in person. And only if you knew… How close of you I am again… You will never know, never.
Miss the you I learned how to love.
I still miss you despite knowing we were bad for each other. You still frustrate me. You've completely slipped away and it hurts that it's so easy for you while I'm dealing with this loneliness every single day.
i still love you despite everything. please don't die. if you do, a part of me will die with you.
I'm trying to be patient, but I wish you'd trust me more already. I see you around your closer friends, the few people who've known you for years, and it's like you're a totally different person. I understand it. I get it. I really do. But it still hurts. I get really jealous over it. I'd never admit that. I know what you've been through, with your family, and your horrible upbringing, and why it all made it really difficult for you to be with new people and trust them right away, and I'm willing to patiently wait while you come out of your shell with me, but some days are just harder than others.
This is just the low self esteem talking now, but I'm also scared. So so scared, that you'll lose interest in me and leave. I know I can be boring. You keep insisting it's not the case, but I know me enough to know that I'm really not good at anything and I don't have many varied interests, nor do I want many. Every day I'm amazed that you even talk to me. You're always saying that I make you feel warm and secure, but you do the same for me and you don't even realize it. I don't think you understand at all how much you've helped me, but I'm so glad I've been able to be with you through so many moments. Yet even so, this really awful, dark, selfish part of me is scared that you'll truly fix your issues, develop loads of confidence and self assuredness, and then not want to be with someone like me, who reminds you of the person you used to be. I'd never ever deliberately stand in the way of your healing journey, but I'm terrified that you'll fix yourself and leave me.
I really am a terrible person.
That's not what this thread is about though. Also they need to brush up on their security. Also it's even emptier than here. No thanks
I love you and Its more than just friends love I love you like a lover… I know I sound dumb but yeah, at the same time the feeling is not there and thats why I dont want to pursue anything with you, also I dont want to ruin the great friendship we have. Also you are a very aloof person and honestly I dont think I would be able to handle that at times I would like someone who is genuinely interested in me and my life… There's so many great things about you but there's also a lot of cons for example you tend to be a yes man and not question things. That kinda bothers me because I dont know if you're being sincere or just playing nice. I guess thats why I can't fully fall in love with you maybe thats why the spark isn't there 100%
Heck I dont know maybe we are better off as friends only and it would probably be a mistake if I ever confess my half feelings for you, so I will continue to keep things the way they are if its not broken why try to fix it. We make great friends and I really dont want to lose that with you, if you do ever find love with someone else I wish the best I wont try and sabotage that at all because if you love someone you know you should always want them to be happy, I just want the best for you if the best is another person then so be it.
wish you the best
I love you dearly but you are so naive! I know I can never tell you this in person because you've ended a friendship over it before but you are really not too bright despite how smart you think you are. It's incredibly frustrating to see you make the same mistakes over and over and not learn anything from them. It can also be a little annoying how vain and self-centered you can be. But still, I love you like a daughter.
I'm so scared you're getting bored with me and you'll leave.
Sorry. I couldn't make myself say goodbye.
It's okay. Thanks for the closure. I feel so much lighter and like I can move on now.
I miss you. In my dreams we still sail through the skies and see the world trees.
I knew it would happen with you as well, but I didn't want to believe it would. I know I'm depressing to be around. I've seen how I bother others. How all I have to do is speak about any topic and people get depressed, but the moment they're with someone else, someone happy, someone not broken, then they're cheery again. I'm so broken and I don't even know why. Even when I'm trying to be cheerful, it's this massive effort and never lasts long. The backlash from holding in my feelings is always massive, and I just end up sadder than when I started. And then it leaks out and affects others and makes them sad, too. And then they leave.
I don't even want friendships anymore, but everyone's the same. Everyone. They all start out interested, telling me how I seem sweet and really kind, and some can't believe I don't have any friends, but then in a month we're barely even talking to each other because I'm such a boring and depressive train wreck of a human being. I try not to be. I try initiating conversations. I try to be friendly. I try to be forward with people and up front. But I just get punished for it. I thought since you were introverted as well, N, maybe you would understand. But you didn't, even though you kept saying you would. Kept saying you didn't think I was boring, or depressing, or any of the negative things I saw in myself and tried to warn you about so early on to just avoid this whole thing before it could even start. But you kept insisting that you didn't see it, that it wasn't there, that this time things would be different. In the end, you were just like everybody else.
That's honestly the worst part. I thought for some reason that you would understand me, because you kept saying you would, but it turned out you didn't care at all. After weeks of being there for you through so many of your emotional twists and turns, I tried to talk to you about something that was bothering me and you just ignored me completely. Cold and distant within a month, just like every other friendship and relationship. I want to die just thinking about this. Everyone. Everyone I've met. Men, women, friendships, relationships. I try to give people their space, to let them just be themselves, while remaining available emotionally and they all end up leaving me as soon as someone more interesting comes along. I can't DO it anymore. I thought you'd be a better friend than this. I put so much hope into what we had because we'd gotten along so well, and now I just feel like a huge idiot for falling into the same trap again. Why did I EVER think someone like me could have anything nice with another person? Why did I even bother putting myself out there again.
It's just easier being alone.
Maybe I'll finally get a cat.
Dear, T, B, K, A, E, C, I and P
I'm sorry the way I acted awkwardly when I went to your shows and how I stalked you guys at school. It was until now that I've fully realized how uncomfortable as to what I could be thinking behind my resting bitch face and scowl. To be honest I always found you guys to be the coolest people in high school and I always wanted to be part of your group but I didn't know how to express it. It was beyond selfish of me to ruin your guys fun and I hope you haven't been playing as many shows because of me. You guys are the coolest ever and don't forget that and while i'm not entitled of your time and I will never go to any of your shows again so you guys can let loose and have fun again. You guys are an inspiration and i'm deeply sorry if I caused even an moment of emotional distress.
no because I'm not a pussy
IM REALLY SORRRY IM SO FUCKED UP OKAY IT WASNT MY FAULT AND NOW THAT IVE MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE I CANT EVEN DATE YOU im sorry that i chose not to heal. im sorry that i dont believe ill ever get better. but look at you, you have a fucking job, a house, you were even engaged in february. im nowhere close to where you are right now in life and im afraid that you will leave me like everyone else does. and i know that you will.
I really wanted to be your friend and get to know you. I was too much of a coward… and a jerk. I was dealing with mental and home issues, but that's not an excuse. I "liked" you in that way too, I'm sorry I said otherwise. I wanted to appear callous and indifferent, mostly because I was confused and didn't think I deserved to know you. You're insanely smart, more-so than I'll ever be, and my whole life I prided myself on being the smart one, it made me insecure and jealous. The girls you liked were both smart, and beautiful, and they were that way what seemed effortlessly. I barely scraped through my AP classes, and later high school and life in general. My weight soared, my acne was hell, and I just lacked any confidence whatsoever.
When you asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I was caught off-guard and couldn't muster a believable answer because I was thinking of suicide. The way you spoke with passion about your love for aerospace, like a child, despite you showing clear signs of depression, tells me I can make it out of my situation and figure out what Iove too. But I only realize this years later, looking back, after having met an extremely covert narcissist who's friendship relied heavily on how well I could ignore my own needs. It's the thought of being surrounded by people like you that motivates me. You've been friends with your circle since a small child, and you work so hard to keep it that way. You know every detail about most people, and accept them as they are; you have such an empathetic heart. I want to have our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders as we talk for hours; I want to share our success and struggles; someday, if time and chemistry permit, wake up every morning to you, with our child sleeping between us.
I want to be the best version of myself I can manage, even if it's not much, and maybe in some 1 in a 1,000,000 chance we might see each other again, and you can see me for who I am, not the mental illness I was struggling with. I know this is just a silly fantasy, but that's what makes life worth living, and I don't want to feel ashamed of that anymore. I'm tired of wearing that mask, so I'll take it off and admit things I never wanted to:
I miss you.
You say you love me but.. you don't, do you?
I've loved you, I've been obsessed with everything you say and do, hanging onto every word for so long.
I can't make you love me.
I think it's time to let go.
from your A
Spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer…
To the girl in my after-school elementary/middle-school art class:
I don't even remember your name, but I was amazed at your immaculate knowledge of Sailor Moon (I was in 4th grade and only knew the dub). You had amazing handwriting and could copy typesets with amazing accuracy. I made fun of you with my friends, but actually I wanted to be closer to you. I didn't have the words to describe the feeling at the time, but I had a huge crush on you.
I wonder if you're here, too?
– You wouldn't know my name anyway
I should’ve been kinder to you in your last days in the hospice, even though seeing your crackly skin and disconnected, otherworldly gaze always tied the knot in my throat. But I can’t afford to let you see me cry when you were going to make the trip to the other side. I had to appear happy for you in the day when you were mulling over the many relationships you had in the past, and the people who died whom you would reconnect with. Strangely enough, even when you used to tell me all those stories about your mom throwing plates at your face, pulling your hair, screaming at the top of her lungs at 2 AM, you still wanted to see her. You had a really rough life. I should’ve given you more than I did.
I’ll admit, it’s hard not to cry when you see a person half-dead with pus seeping out of the mouth, smelling stale and metallic and have the most trivial conversation. I tried to come as often as I could muster emotionally. I don’t know if that was enough for you. At that point when I cared enough to wonder, I could never find out. I’m sorry. You’re in a better place, being treated how you deserve to.
I fucking love you, but our consequences really piss me off. I get jealous whenever you mention having a close call with another girl, but I can’t do jack shit. Your girlfriend is sweeter than apple pie, and I love her, but she can’t stop talking about you and her times with you, which also sets off the envy. It’s fine – I’ll wait for the feelings to pass.
You’re kind of a creep, but I sometimes think of you and I want to talk to you for 5 hours like we used to in the good old days. You’re really cute, too, but we can’t be together for reasons we both understand. I wish you all the best and not to be too sad about your situation, you figure things out like this really quickly. I’m actually only writing this because we haven’t had a heart-to-heart in a while. I just miss you, man. Maybe I’m not over it yet even, but what can I do?
I know you like to use and abuse your freedom, but the people you hang out with are boring and aimless junkies, and you know it. Fuck, there are drug addicts who are at least fun, creative, batshit crazy, and if you want, I know some – however, spice users are never that. You’re above them, and you deserve to know people on your wavelength who are as smart as you are. I can’t see you often because I don't visit your city that much, but believe me when I say I wish I understood how you approach people with such careless ease. It really does boggle me that you have this ability most people try to obtain in the span of years while it just comes naturally to you, yet you throw it away on a bf who would sell you for a 10g bag of dope. You really can do better. Get a sense of self-worth, and half your problems will be solved. I guaran-fucking-tee
Hope you're doing OK and that that shitty prick of a boss isn't taking out his anger on you after he fired me from work. Try to remember you're only there to work yourself up further in life, and that one day they will have to answer to you, not you to them.
It makes me feel at least a little bit better that no matter what kind of bullshit he may have made up about me to everyone else after I left, that there's someone who won't believe that crap. I've known you since 6th grade after all, and we were practically best friends, though we may have increasingly drifted away from eachother as the years went by.
It's unfortunate that because of losing this job, I'll most likely have to go back to not seeing you at all anymore (I doubt you want to hang out anymore, since you seemed to reject me out of not wanting to, before. Not to mention now that you work-full time your schedule doesn't allow for it.)
I want to tell you I'm sorry if I embarrassed you at work, as well. Since you're the one who referred me to that job. Whether or not finally standing up to that guy who treated me like shit, the way I did, was right or not, I should have remembered that he seemed to have started treating you poorly as well, so the way I reacted to him was probably selfish. I just couldn't hold it in anymore and he had pushed me past a breaking point…I didn't want to keep being the pushover I had been my whole life. I hope you understand.
Now, I'm not going back to being a full NEET, since I'm still completing classes (So I hope you don't find me such a complete loser, in that regard…lol) but I hope there is a better future paved our way, for the both of us. I hope you can get into the police academy, like you told me you're planning to. I hope I can fulfill my dreams of becoming a JP-EN translator. And screw that vile old bastard, as well as all those other terrible people at that dead-end job. Let's keep pushing for our dreams and not get trapped in such misery.
Even if we never talk again, even if we never physically see eachother again, I just want you to know this.
Thank you for supporting me and how much you've done for me all those years. I still hope I can return it to you, one day. No matter how immersed in my own issues I get, you're still the one person I feel the most obligated to in my life.
I miss you. Some days I miss you less than the others, some days I don't think about you at all. I don't want you to be back, I don't want you to keep suffering because of me, because of the way I am. I do want you back but only for a moment, just so you can know how terribly sorry I am for hurting you. I have no way of reaching you since you did to me what I've done to everyone I've ever met online and that's okay, I deserve it. But I would like you to know that I didn't hurt you on purpose, that I am very sorry. Your memory has been strong recently because I dreamed about you, I dreamed I found a way to reach you and in that dream I was aware it was a dream, I was aware I'd wake up and I wouldn't know how to get in touch with you. I want to apologize, I've been wanting to apologize for over 250 days, and I know those days will become a year soon because you won't come back and I respect that. I'm very sorry. I am. I've been trying to not commit the same mistakes again but knowing I hurt you so bad and I have no way of apologizing, I don't think that will ever leave me alone. And I accept that too. It's okay. I just wish I had one or two more minutes with you to say I'm sorry.
Dear A. D.
I still wonder how things would be if we were still together. I wanted to remain as your friend.
I loved you so much it made me sick in the head. I'll always wonder if we could have worked out, if I hadn't been so fucked up by everything that happened before I met you. Love in and of itself messes me up - I don't know how to separate it from psychosis. I'm sorry I was so horrible to deal with after we broke up and I hope you're happy with her. Distance and time have restored my sanity. I'll always love you, a little. Even if I don't deserve to. I hope someday you can forgive me.
I'm sorry I ended up ghosting you. You're very cute and a nice guy but I just keep doing this to everyone, even my best friend of 8 years. Truthfully my feelings towards you are odd in that I know we could never date yet when we had coffee those two times it was as if I got a glance of what my life could be like if I wasn't such a weirdo haha. You're a very boisterous person and though it tires me I find it endearing.
I did pick up on you hinting at wanting to be gym partners by the way. I'm sorry about not taking that bait either. Having someone as outgoing and athletic as you potentially liking me is truly frightening. Truthfully I'm not actually attracted to you and I feel as if I'd just disappoint you anyway. I'm not as intelligent as I seem and I'm a depressing person to be around, while you deserve someone who can match your energy. I know you made it a point to say that you seek out shy people to lift them up (which is very cute) but manic pixie dream tropes don't work in real life. Unfortunately I'm an introverted curmudgeon and I'll just end up with others of a similar disposition.
In the end I'm not sure what to say when I actually reply to you as I know I'll have to if I want to start using my account again. Probably none of this.
I saw that you broke up with your girlfriend and I'm sorry about that. I at least hope you can get into culinary school as you wanted and have lots of friends to enjoy your youth together with.
I realize on the surface level we seemed like similar people which is probably why this confused you, but I absolutely meant what I said. I am not a person who has friends, while you desire them despite struggling to obtain them.
It was fun while it lasted though. I lastly want you to know that I caught most of your lies. But I still wish you the best, I know you struggle with mental health and personality disorder issues.
I've already written two posts about you in this thread, it's embarrassing. But I wonder where you are and how you're doing after that recent health scare. R hasnt made a post about you though so I'm assuming you're doing fine wrt that, perhaps less so your mental health.
But now I wonder, did you end up working for your mother? Or are you still chasing the art dream? Or are you still NEETing? You never update anymore so I'll never know. I guess you've reached your dreams of being a mysterious and quiet artist. It's a bit sad for me now since I loved you for your openness and way with words, although I guess I've cut my own damn self off of being able to view them. I'm doing fine, finished my first year at uni and am beefier, more feminine, and somewhat better artistically than when we last chatted. I haven't cut since that September either.
If we lived in the same city I think it would have worked, you know. I loved you a lot and was honoured that you even considered me romantically, I thought I was just a convenient person for you to talk at honestly haha. I regularly consider how it would have been if I replied to that message from last year.
I'm still sorry about my issues regarding friendships through social media though. If you ever read this post you'll see this is a running theme in my life. Maybe someday I'll actually contact you. Maybe.
I'm so sorry you're alone tonight. Even if you're with a person physically, I know you, you're my best friend, and I know you're alone at heart. I haven't been alone in years, because I have him.
I knew he would want you, every boy you've met always has. I knew you'd want him too, because even since he and I have been married, other womens' eyes follow him everywhere. They look at me, as if to say, "what is a man like that doing with a woman like her?" But I don't care. He loves me and that's never going to change.
You don't have someone to love you. And before you ever met him, I knew he could. I'm not special. He's a man who loves naturally, completely, because it's his nature to love. And if I had brought him to our apartment, and you had met him before we could begin a relationship, you could have taken him from me as easily as tying your shoes. I knew that, which is why I told you before he and I were even dating that I really liked him, that he was off limits. No flirting, no even thinking about it. You agreed, what did you care? There were other boys.
Then you saw him.
Then you saw how he treated me once we started dating.
You've had plenty of boys since then, but none like him, and I know how much it hurts you, as strong as our friendship is, to see a man love me the way you've never been able to get one to love you. You see, it's not you, not really. Men are generally terrible, and I just got lucky and got one of the good ones. You're just unlucky. And that's why you're alone tonight and I'm about to walk upstairs and snuggle up with the man I'll spend the rest of my nights with.
I know you wish you could have him. You told me once, when we got drunk together. Maybe you were so drunk you don't remember. Maybe you don't want to remember. Maybe you know it and I know it but we both know we're better off not talking about.
You're my best friend, and I love you, but he'll always be mine. If I could clone him and give you a copy, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't. So I won't. So you'll go to bed alone tonight, and I'll go to bed with my husband, and we'll both go on never speaking about the fact that the one time I called "dibs" on a boy turned out to be the one time it mattered.
What the fuck. You are sitting on a grenade.
If you aren't just stroking your ego and exaggerating how great your husband is… It's not a good idea to keep a friend around that is jealous of you having him after this long.
You think friendships matter til a jealous bitch sees you and your husband going through a rough patch and sees an opening. A woman from my husband's work that we both became friends with WHO I ASKED TO BE MY MAID OF HONOR pulled this shit after I told her we were fighting and possibly going to postpone the wedding.
Over the next month my now husband sent me screenshots of her saying shit on their work Skype like "you two should think about getting a pre-nup due to her anger problems" and "I wish I had a cloning machine so I could have one of you of my own…"
Ugh sorry it just brought back bad memories, just be careful and keep your guard up
Oh my gosh that sounds awful, what a terrible "friend" :( I'm so sorry that happened.
I (>>27087) was NTA, but was curious what aspect of it you found most concerning.
It's probably good advice to tell her to keep her guard up, but I do think that friends can be simultaneously jealous and respectful. My best friend was very jealous of me when I got into a school we both applied to, but she was always super positive and happy for me too and spent time and money to come visit me. I think it just depends on the friend. I guess with a guy it's different because you can't take a friend's spot at a school but you can take their bf.
Ugh it's fine. Obviously we are no longer friends and I think it brought us closer together in the end.
TBH I'm probably just overly paranoid now but it fucks you up having someone you completely trust treat you like that. It's not like I don't allow him to have female friends on work/Discord but gosh it's hard not to be worried sometimes, but ultimately I trust him.
Am I the only one who feels like anon seems like a terrible friend? I can't imagine thinking of a best friend in such a smug way.
I didn't mean to hurt you, I never wanted to. I grew less interested in you but put those feelings aside so I could be the person in your life you always wanted. Everything I did for you, the way I acted, the way I made you laugh, the way I comforted you when you needed it the most was selfish. I acted towards you in the way I wish someone acted towards me when I needed help. It was and wasn't genuine, it's a feeling I can't explain well.
When you finally asked me if I was only with you because I felt bad for you that night after your friends told me that they haven't seen you this happy before, the answer left my mouth before I could have time to react. It must have broken you when I said yes, because you left right after in tears and that's the last time we ever talked. I'm so fucking sorry, I should have been open with how I felt, I thought reaching out again would make it worse, and I hope you're with someone better and have gotten over all the problems you were going through. I hope the next guy you're with's feelings don't fade away and if they do, they do a bad job of hiding it.
Wishing you the best,
ear Slim, I never wrote you or been calling
My name ain't Stan son nah we've never met and
My name's KJ let me begin by introducing now
Myself to you and these very reasons I'll be writing
Why I took my time the who what where and why and
The purpose of my verse and the reasons I'm reciting
What I hope your learning from the truth I pray your finding
And every word I'm writing down upon the dotted lines and
See I heard ya first album it was called infinite
I shook my head cause nowadays you sounding different
What drove ya to take your whole persona and be flipping it
Now what makes a man totally change see I ain't getting it
See was you sick of getting booed when you was ripping it
And sick of never having dough and you wanted to put an end to it
What good's all kinds of dough, plus all kinds of flow?
To gain a world of fans but suffer the loss of soul
I don't know why you keep disappearing like that. Also I know when you're lying to me, it's kind of both sad and sweet seeing you try to hide all the parts of you that are white lies. I wish you'd see that telling the truth and being real with me won't hurt you, and would be healthy for both of us, even if the truth is unpleasant.
I know you're going through some tough mental issues no matter how hard you try to hide it. It doesn't excuse poorer behavior and one day I won't be here, I just won't have the energy for you and the awesome connection that we have (or that I thought we had) will be for nothing. Sad day.
W…what letter does your friend's name start with ano?
lmao you guys
K (Not being mean, literally the letter K, when anglicized.) Her actual name is in Chinese. Not surprised how prevalent ghosting is
Be good to your friends yall
i really fucking hate how much you hurt me. i have tried to forgive you, move on, and heal, but each time we have spoken it feels as though it is happening all over again. i wish you still loved me, cared for me, needed me. you really, really hurt me. i feel so used. you were always there and you just grew distant and had no problem leaving me to rot. that stung. i am so angry and upset at the world. i feel so depressed. i do not want to live, i feel disgusting. i wish i never depended on you, i was naive to do so. i wish i never let you hurt me as you did. i wish you could feel a sliver of what this feels like, but i know that isnt fair to say. i know i cant ever really know how you feel. im sorry if i was never good enough for you, but i really tried to be, but i think in the end im not really good enough for anyone. im sorry i had to burden you when we were together. i know that wasnt okay. i wish i knew what to say but i dont. im just hurting a lot and i want it to end. i dont think i deserve this.
You have every right to block me. I can't be there for you anymore.
Not a day has gone by without you plaguing my thoughts. I wish you told me how serious it really was, I would've dropped everything immediately to be by your side. I wish I was able to hold your hand one last time, and say goodbye properly even though you hate sentimentality. Maybe that's why you didn't tell me. I haven't said anything to anyone here what happened to you. I know they'd let me off the hook to go be with my family, but I have to finish. Staying busy is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I can't even cry anymore, it feels like I've drained myself of all of my tears. When this is over, I'll be there to tell your mom I'm sorry, to help her and your sister with anything they need. I'll bring sunflowers for you.
I've barely slept, but when I do sleep, all I do is dream about you. But in my dreams we're little kids again, on the beach, collecting seashells and building sandcastles. I remember when you found that sunset colored seashell and gave it to me. I wish I still had it.
There is no one more deserving of a long, happy life than you. I would give anything to take your place so you could live free and healthy. But life is unfair.
If God exists, we'll be reunited.
I got nothing to get off my chest that I haven't already moved on from already for the most part.
But today, something came up and blew up in my father's face that I told him a long time ago and it makes me sad it had to get to this point. I can see my father is afraid for his job and angry as well but still angry for the wrong reasons.
>tl;dr He has an anger problem, and does not handle stress with grace, I saw this while working with him and I just see it in his home life. And every time I try to call him out on his flaws, or something that is very wrong and bad that he does, he takes the high ground about how he's the provider of the home, ect, you don't know how hard my life is, and all this other trash to try to high road me as if everything I say is invalid. I gave up as a teen to care for his health, he shown he has no care to live a healthy lifestyle if it means makes their child happy. That why he didn't give up beer, and that's why he's still an angry man today.
Today an employee was confronted about his inability to attend work for many months, this is like going unto month 5 and they can't keep holding an empty seat from him. He kinda threw my father and the work environment under the bus, which is filled with rage, anger, yelling and in general a HR nightmare to deal with if any of these people decided to lawyer up about the unsafe work environment emotionally. But truth is all of them kind of buckled down by lead and act out in anger in their own gross ways now and it is the single most toxic work environment I've ever seen in my life. So he realized after leaving there, that working there sucks dick, and he never wants to work inside that building again, he wants to work externally instead with these reasons. So now HR is finally aware of the toxic work environment that is the branch my father runs, his arrogance and his "I just say things the way I see them." attitude is going to fuck him full force in the next coming days. And I actually feel bad for him because if he wasn't such a god damn ass hat the fall wouldn't have to impact me to the point where I'll have to work a job I can't if he gets fired to make ends meet. I just want to so bad, so so bad sit there and tell him "Remember all of those things I said as a teen where being this angry isn't good? This is why I said it, but you acted like you were better than me. A fucking teenager told you better life advice that would have saved you from this, but instead you shat all over me and disregarded what I said because I'm your child and thus must not know anything at all. This is the cost of not listening to others and realizing this was an issue along with your alcoholism. Are you going to wake up now or are you going to keep doing this? I have laid quiet as your anger as costed you friendships, lawsuits that involved me, and now your job. When is it going to be enough to realize this isn't fucking healthy, that you are the problem, not everyone else." I would now but I know I'd just get kicked out of the house or he would destroy all my nice shit which I can't replace at the moment.
The reason I'm afraid he will get fired is if the rest of the office turns on him and actually admit all the angry shit he does. He will either get demoted, or straight out fired. I assume fired because he's even shown his inability to be tactful and polite among higher management. To the point where during an upper management gathering he went up to another manager and said "oh man you look horrible" with no context as to if he's ill or not. Luckily he was but even HR said "You can't just say that to someone else." and he just rebuttals with "What? I say what I see, the guy doesn't look good." Like somehow it's okay. So HR already knows he's bad with this stuff. Like I said I really hope they give him a smack on the wrist, tell him to go to anger management and if it keeps happening they fire him kinda thing.
I am in a place where I'm trying to support and care for my mother while living with my father and I can't juggle that and a job ATM so being forced to get a job will def make things harder on me and all for the sake of him not listening to me and high roading me by saying he's better than me. I guess I don't really worry for him as much because he had it coming, but now it's put me in a bad place too because he was too arrogant to accept that maybe his kid knew something about him that was very bad. I don't know. I hate this and I've lived in this awful home for so long I don't know what's right to feel. If I should even feel bad for him or not or if it's just a worry for how this will impact me. This sucks.
I wonder how transparent I am. If you can tell i go so far to portray that I'm emotionless because i'm extremely sensitive. If you could tell im nervous around you when we hang out in person and not that really that autistic and unfunny. If you could tell that i liked you, and that's why you pulled away. If that's what that was it worked and I resent you a lot now. For how much you like to purport yourself as "direct" and "confrontational" it makes me wonder what i did not get told to cool it, instead of what did happen which was you making yourself harder to reach and me accepting your excuses very dumbly because I was addicted to talking to you.
you threw in "insecure" as a descriptor for yourself last time we hung out with what seemed like sly emphasis. Please do not make others a victim of your insecurity. Early on you gave me the classic "you probably hate me" and "i don't understand why you want to hangout with me" which I can only take as a expression of your own subconscious dislike of me. I know you to be an intuitive person, and it's not exactly subtle that I sought you out to talk to daily and went out of my way to show a lot more effort than you made sure to show to me. I want to give you some credit and some agency. I know you're not some "boy." so the only way I can take you doing that shit and continually falling through on our plans and arrangements is that you want this friendship to die out.
It makes me fucking sad to endure this whole thing. I've cried a lot over this whole situation truthfully. I recognize its unfair of me to want something romantic when you could be truly "not into me" but fuck I wish you were or I wish you at least ever thought to show me I was valuable to you through your actions. I don't want to do this whole "bro" phase I can see you're moving me into based on the message you just sent me about how you met someone nice who you've been spending all your time with recently. It seems like you just want something light and airy and uncomplicated, romantically and platonically perhaps also. I felt abandoned by you the second after I got "heavy" for the first time and every time since then. I doubted myself at first because if you had gone to such lengths do describe your own journey with feeling abandoned and your sense of justice, so how could you be consciously doing that to me? but it seems like you don't examine yourself that much.
I am tired of blaming myself for things. I am tired of writing out "it's no problem" after you leave me on read for a week. I miss how often we would talk when we first met each other. I can't wait till I stop wanting to go back to that with you and meet someone else to have that with.
See you soon probably.
why not i guess
do you still like me? actually, have you ever liked me??? i feel like you dont care, i was one of your bf right? why do you care about t more? if i had problems i always told you, no one else, you were the one i trusted the most. why you dont want to go out with me, am i too clingy? i know t is better than me but why cant you go out with me at least once? you know i feel alone all the time, ive told you that.
i hate you
Go on, you can blame it all on me. Tell them how it's all my fault. Leave out how abusive you are, how you put me down everytime we fight.
Tell everyone how I 'made you feel like shit' even though I'm the one always trying to adjust and fix the relationship because you always break up with me.
Do it, I'll take all the blame, even though I can't take it anymore. That's what I'm good at anyway, being life's punching bag. The world's laughingstock.
It's been almost a year since you cut all contact with me, and I, the fool, can't help but think about you. Not in the way I used to think about you, how I would pine over that tiny sliver of my life in which you were mine and I was yours and we were no one else's. Instead I just wonder what you've been up to, who you are now. I know I've changed a lot, I've grown a lot, some for the better, but mostly for the worse. I wonder how you've fared these past 12 months. I wonder what's new with you. It's as if, for 21 years, I had a little spring in my head, and since you've left, it's just been bouncing around. You've unlocked a secret power I didn't know I had. I can go to anyone now that I have the power, but I don't want to. I don't love anyone, I can't even begin to imagine what I could love in a human. I can't imagine loving anyone like I loved you. Now I don't even love you, and that's the worst part. I don't know what I love anymore. If I knew, I could find it. If I could find it, maybe I'd be happy. If I could be happy, then maybe I'd be able to do good in this world, and if I could do that, then maybe I'd have some legacy, or at least some purpose.
sad pepe in train …
you can't even comprhend what are your presence doing to me and my life. You remind me of my father so much. My father was never a good one, or a good husband. You two are fun free spirits.
I know you think you love me, but I know your type, you'll be ok if we never talk to eachother again, that would make a fun nostalgic story you'll be telling yourself.
Even though I know that you respect me more than your other girls.Even want me more. And that's why I can't be with you. I'll be in need to change you. And you're just so beautifull the way you are. Just not for me and the life I'm trying to build now.
I was just like you once though. Maybe then, we would make a great wild young couple going crazy through the citylights, God we'd me so handsome together. I dream that dream every night, it's a good one. I may never stop dreaming it.
''Got your bible, got your gun
And you like to party and have fun
And I like my candy and your women
I'm finally happy now that you're gone
Got my little red party dress on
Everybody knows that I'm the best
Get a little bit of Bourbon in 'ya
Get a little bit suburban
And go crazy
Because you're young, you're wild, you're free
You're dancing circles around me
You're fucking crazy
Oh, you're crazy for me''
I’m writing this to try to get my mind off some bad things. It’s gonna be in English because, as you might remember, it’s easier for me express myself in that language (weird right?).
The truth is, I’ve been feeling pretty bad since our meeting (I was hoping it’s gonna be a date but our plans clearly conflicted on that part). And the reason for that is that once again I am reminded what a worthless, pathetic person I am. At first I was a little bit shocked by how much you are different in real life from the image I had of you based on us changing messages. You turned out to be such a lively, expressive, wild (in the best possible way) person. And I always feel pretty awkward around people like that. And even more that that, that awkwardness was multiplied by how constricted I feel around new people.
To tell you the truth at first your liveliness and expressivity was pretty offputting to me and I was thinking that I would have to endure and cringe through the rest of our walk. But that quickly passed and for the most part I started to enjoy listening to you. You talked VERY much and at times it was hard to get a word in. And because of that and my nervousness I think that I didn’t manage to prove myself as an interesting conversation partner. Even more than that, I believe I have been rude to you and offended you on more than one occasion.
Please understand that it was only a product of my own anxiety and my eagerness to seem interesting and engaging. Even so I apologize and I will do my best to never cause such discomfort to people.
Now to the part why meeting you made me feel bad. Of course the reason for that is NOT something you did. It was the contrast and the difference I felt between me and you. You just seemed like such a lovely energetic person with so many good things going on in your life and a bright future ahead of you. While I am just a shy reserved loser with no friends, no money, no interesting stories to tell and no future. I’ve been friendless for probably like 7 years now and I never had a romantic experience in my life. I feel so pathetic and inferior to other people in all the ways that matter. I hate myself. I don’t know how to make things right and if it’s even possible at this point. I have very little hope for my future. Things just don’t go the way I would like them to in any way. I’m clearly broken in some way and I’m not sure that I have the skill or strength to repair myself.
I think that after all I enjoy human contact, even if very often I dislike new people at first. But I have nobody to keep me company. And with you I feel like I don’t deserve seeing you anymore because you are a much better person than me by a large margin. Also during our walk I tried to muster enough courage to initiate physical contact with you, but even the attempts that could be considered as innocent you disapproved of (I think). God, I am such a lowly, socially inept coward…
Sorry for all that incoherent mumbling and sorry for being a bad person and sorry for the time you wasted on me.
Must suck seeing someone you apparently started to hate out of jealousy or spite (could never tell which) succeed the more time passes. I see you blocking every mutual we have. Must suck approaching your forties and nowhere in your life while I'm younger and doing well. Must suck to be you. Fuck Yeah I'm gloating. You were such a cunt, not just to me but in hindsight to so many people, all because you couldn't handle not being better than everyone.
I once looked up to you. Good thing you proved yourself to be nothing before I got sucked into thinking you weren't. My disappointment in you is endless.
Seriously, stop asking our mutual friend to send me your messages. I blocked you for a reason. Besides you were the one who wanted to break up and move on, I just wanted a break. Do you even realize all the things you put me through when we were together?
You probably don't. You love playing the victim and I know you're gonna tell everyone how toxic and manipulative I was. Sure.
God I hate you. I hope I never see you again.
I love you. You're a talented, smart, beautiful girl, one of the likes the world has never before seen. I miss you more than anything else in the world, and knowing that the time I spend unable to be close to you will be time I'll never be able to recover. But I don't need to fear, because I know you will flower into a mature, wise, powerful woman, no matter what route in life you wish to take. I will do my best possible to support you, guide you, and cheer for you. No matter what.
I cant wait for the day we will see each other again,
You have no idea how much I miss you…
I miss you Bea, please let's be friends again like before.
I wish you weren't so dramatic, I actually liked talking to you
I cherish every minute I spend with you. And yes, I made a lot of mistakes because I'm a retard, but I wish you wouldn't put all blame on me and understand your fault.
In the end, we are not compatible anyway… Still, thank you.
I can't shake the feeling that you've begun looking past me, at others.
you did a pretty good job during the past few weeks. I am still confused, I am still flattered ~~and horny as fuck~~ and I don't want you to stop.
It was a bad, bad idea and I'm really upset that I was that immature to tell you everything.
But I want to thank you anyways, it meant a lot to me.
I wish you the best,
Back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up kek, you know your claims are unambiguously dishonest and despite your considerable butthurt no one has treated you particularly wrong or lied to you or even tried to be anything but accommodating. It's understandable that your feelings are hurt because you were still pining after your ex who now is dating someone hot and yes better than you in every way, but now you twist the story to make it seem like you were cruelly betrayed and lied to and everyone owes you endless grovelling, and you're part of some extremely fucked up story of human misery where no one has ever suffered like you. My dude.
I remember your smell and your arms, especially when you were sweaty. Wish I could cuddle up in your freezing room again and smell your neck and feel your shoulders around me. Nights are pretty cold still but now I don't have your furnace of a body to hold.
I know your last girlfriend passed away. You always said that 'we shouldn't speak ill of the dead', and with all the respect you had for the those who passed, was that all because of her? I heard you talking to her once when you were drunk, she seems like a nice person.
I wish you told me more about the things that bothered you but I can understand why you didn't. Our pains are our burden alone to carry right? I miss the stupid shit you used to say, all archaic and traditional. I could do with your sense of honour though, things have been feeling a little unstable since we parted. I still dream about the stories you used to tell me. Till Valholl
I miss you, a lot,
I don’t know if I’m really in love with you or if I’m just lonely. I just got sucked in by how fast it was all going. I’m sorry all the lies went too far.
You think I’m great now but just wait a couple more months. I’m much too
mercurial to love you the way you want to be loved. I feel evil leading you on like this but at the same time I want to keep the facade up so your life can feel a little more bearable. I wish i could hold you.
Everything you say to me makes me feel so dizzy but I don’t know. I don’t think I can love you or love anyone.
This breaks my heart, it reads exactly like how the love of my life justified her experiences before she went ahead and broke my heart. She's so sweet and incomparably bright but seemed to have this innate need to think ill of herself, her over controlling, borderline abusive parents who criticized her every move didn't help, ultimately ended up doing some fucked up things.
Damn, S, if you're out there, I still wish you your best life. Just I know that it's not healthy for me to be a part of it until you figure out what you need to do.
It hasn’t hit you yet, but you’re gonna miss me when you realize I’m permanently gone from your life. I was the only person you had. You only have yourself to blame.
Dear Grandma E,
I love you so much and have always loved you but now you have dementia and the world isn't real to you anymore. I always intended to come back and know you as an adult instead of just as a child and teem like how I last knew you, but I put it off and put it off. Why do I feel these emotions so strongly and seemingly so genuinely yet can't bring myself to do anything? I love you but you're not there anymore. The secrets of my birth and early life are lost forever now, why didn't I do something? Why am I not able to do something now, even if it would only just be a shadow? Would I act differently if I had infinite money? I'm sorry grandma I love you. I hope heaven is real and that you go there, even though I'm quite sure it's not. After you're gone and she's gone I won't have anything in the future. What deep care and love could I possibly attain? So in the end I probably won't even be able to "do better next time" because there won't be a next time. I won't just die without family, I'll live a long life without it, and perhaps also without affection.
I'm really really sorry.
I think most of the other non mean spirited posts here should be sent to the person they're about, but what good would come from me saying sny of this? You might get confused and not understand, or maybe worse, sad. I think a lot of people try to cope by remembering that they have a future, and I think most people here and elsewhere that say they don't have a future are wrong, but for me I really don't think I do have an emotional future. What good is moderate financial success and moderate achievement of non-romantic life goals without loved ones? Friends are simply not the same.
I don't think I told you much about J all those years ago when you were still you and still all there but looking back I think she was the worst influence of my life. Worse than my ugliness. Maybe on par with my injury.
Again, I love you and will strive not to be such a retard with C. I just wish so badly that it mattered more.
I have watched you for awhile, like a creep. When we met you were in the closet and I assumed you didn’t like me like that despite the flirting. When you came out and broke up with your boyfriend I tried to find a way to be yours. You found someone else almost immediately: him, and my jealousy only grew. I would reassure myself it would never last. He is short, skinny, and ugly while you’re beautiful and perfect. He is an uneducated idiot who can barely hold his various minimum wage jobs while you’re literally the best person at yours. Then he proposed to you, with some ugly squarecut ring that looks like it doesn’t belong on your hand that you’re parading around like it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.
Essentially, the reason why I wrote this is that I always loved you, I was just too afraid to say because I thought you were straight when you wanted me. Now it’s too late and you’re going to marry a man that doesn’t deserve you.
Lol U r in love a homo? You are lucky you weren't infected with HIV by him
She's clearly talking about a (bisexual) woman.
You will never make anyone feel as safe and cared for as I feel when he holds me. At night he always pulls me close to his chest if I'm not right there, and smiles in his sleep and gives me small kisses when I hug him. My heart bursts every time at how instinctively he just wants to hold and protect me, and how it's even possible to feel so loved. We can hardly watch movies because our conversations are too much fun and a much better use of the popcorn. We can also hardly watch movies because we can't keep our hands off each other. He notices new things about me every day that he loves and both tells and shows it, and he helps me when I'm overwhelmed without me ever having to ask, even when he's tired or stressed out himself.
You on the other hand want it more than anything, but you know you don't have what it takes to satisfy anyone romantically, sexually, socially, or intellectually. To cope, you pretend to have hidden depths of emotion and thought that sane and fun people lack (but talking to you is like getting to know a wet piece of cardboard), and unique insights into all these unconscious psychological patterns in other people and why they're not as happy as they think they are (my boyfriend, siblings, and ex all laughed at your assessments, and the YouTube videos and confabulations they're based on). You claim to be better at anyone in communication and honesty, but you explain contradictory reasons for your actions in endless circles and lie whenever necessary about even the most basic things in this grating whiney voice of yours. What's worse, you are so automatic with your rationalizations that you don't even seem to be conscious about the lies yourself. Whenever busted, either you ignore everything and keep talking, or this specific lie was just an anomaly. You cry and yell about how much effort you put into honesty even around difficult topics, so it's not fair to judge you based on individual lies. The entitlement you feel to people's trust is baffling.
You have pressured and threatened me for months with your obsessive bullshit and tried to gaslight me into breaking up, but I only really hate you since last weekend - because apparently you still don't see anything wrong in lying to my friends, and especially because of your fucking comments about my past, when you know full well what I went through. I know it probably isn't good for me and I guess it'll blow over soon, but currently the resentment is incredibly rewarding because of the bleak future you will have dealing with your neuroses, deep apathy, and irreparable social dysfunction. Even your closest friends both expressed to my bf and I that they're sick and tired of talking to you. It also helps that you look like an amphibian swamp creature with sickly jaundiced spaghetti limbs and eyebags bulging with regret and misery. Good luck with whoever you choose to stalk and harass next, hope she will be a bit less charitable a bit sooner than me.
2 years later and still makes me cry. Having to regret not married with the love of my life would make me miserable. I hope you are better and loved by a good person wherever you are now, anon.
It's been years, and I still haven't forgiven you for abandoning me. You backstabbed me, called me a slut/whore, and never once bothered to see things from my perspective. Your "boyfriend" took advantage of an underage, traumatized me and you took HIS side? And you wondered why I was so passive aggressive to you? I didn't even know he was taken. I wasn't even the only teen he went after. Why the obsession with me all that time? You're really that insecure that you played pick-me with a predator. Great.
I hate you more than words can describe. To be honest I was happy he got obsessed with me because I knew it would cause you pain. It almost makes his stalking, his creepiness towards me, all the worth.
If it wasn't for you he'd be behind bars. To this day I get messages from him, in my twenties. It's no longer worth it. I want this all to be over. I want to forget any of this ever happened to me.
I hate you so much. I'll never forgive you for leaving me when I needed you and letting him do
as he pleased.
Does your current "lefty" friend group know that you forced me to be your girlfriend and forced yourself on me multiple times or is that a touchy subject? I'd love to know.
Stop stalking my blog. And do something about that drinking problem and mommy complex of yours.
I hope you're well. I don't want to see you again (for obvious reasons) but out of anybody from that whole situation, you were a good person who got in with the wrong crowd. I'm too scared to check to see if you're still involved in that.
It has been over a year and a half since you left me and it's still on my mind but I don't miss you. I know I apologized over the shit I said to you but I still despise you. I don't know where you are in life or what you're up to but I hope you don't leave somebody else while they're in the middle of a crisis like you did to me a while ago. You saw my mental health decline and thought that it was best to just leave me all by myself knowing that my family disliked me and that the only friend I had outside the relationship had moved over 2000 miles away a year prior to the breakup. I had nobody and of course I was having a psychotic episode so my behavior pushed others that didn't know me that well far away. Also, fuck you for trying to get my ONLY friend to turn against me all because I called you fat and a pussy. It was wrong to name call but I wasn't even myself and you still made me out to be the worst fucking human being on earth. You refused to bring up how you gaslighted me all the time and neglected everything while I bent over backwards and walked on eggshells over fear that you would either leave me or be horrifically offended over something I said to you if it had to do with your weight or your OCD. I tried to get you help with those issued and you just refused all of it. I did so much and you just ignored it and when I needed your help you were NOWHERE to be seen. You constantly shamed me for having behaviors related to my ADHD and being on the spectrum yet if I brought up any slight issues with your problems it was highly offensive. The entire relationship I was under the guise that it was so healthy when really we were both bad for each other and you also made my insecurities worse than they already were. I'm glad I'm with the guy I'm with now. We build each other up and it's been over 6 months together and there hasn't been any terrible arguments unlike my past relationship with you. We started fighting 3 months in and yet we were together for a year and a half. You're such a fucking hypocrite and a fucking pervert who forces sexual acts on people and then plays the victim when the other party isn't interested. You're so lucky I haven't told everybody in your social group how you've tried to force oral sex on me or when you constantly felt me up in inappropriate places even after I told you not to. I try not to wish the worst for you because I'm trying to be a better person but I do. I can't believe I wasted so much time on you and I honestly regret not breaking up with you when I wanted to. I had serious abandonment issues and I should have just dealt with it. Fuck you, I hope you end up working at that convenience store forever and that you realize that you're not always the victim. I'm also sorry that I was so verbally violent because it just wasn't right to be like that towards you. It took me a while to get rid of a victim mentality and to act better but I'm still so fucking bitter and I hope you get out of my head because honestly you are not worth my time, my effort, or my thoughts. Stop blaming your mother for your fucking problems and get help.
the only reason i'm responding to you crawling back to me is because i have a modicum of extra time and energy right now.
i'm prepared for you to leave at any moment. for you to turn on me at any moment. you've shown it in your actions. i don't really care if you're "only like this" because you "love" me so much. fuck you. so it's cool if you hit me, hurt me? it's cool that you come anonymously into my spaces, say horrible things, and then apologize saying that it's coz you love me? i'm never erasing what you've said to me. i want to never forget how quickly you can turn on someone you claim to love, and how quickly you are to ask forgiveness because of your own guilt, not because you want to change. what right do you have to cause others so much worry and grief, and then shittily block any method to contact you?
you could've been a part of this life. not sorry, honestly i know you're only talking to me because your other fixation didn't work out. i hope i'm wrong, i'd rather be wrong. i'm in a shit mood today remembering what you did. i don't know why you felt compelled to treat me like that. i've been an asshole but not to the people i cared about. things could have been good.
there's this older lady at work who's been a HUGE bitch to everybody and to me specifically (withheld money i was owed, even tried to get me fired at some point; it's gotten a lot more peaceful between us lately, if only because we're working from home and i don't have many reasons to interact with her)
she lost her husband recently, she never told us but we learned about it through someone who lives close by her
i really want to offer her my condolences and write her that we feel for her even if we daren't bring it up since she never told us, but i'm afraid it'll just piss her off
I want to hold you and tell you that everything’s going to be okay. I can’t wait to see you, I’m so nervous I feel like a little girl. I know I said I hate dancing but I’ll dance with you.
I'm sorry I was a bitch to you twice in a week. You did kinda touch some nerves, tho. But I also should have just said that your "jokes" weren't funny and moved on, but I went full retard instead thanks to my adhd. Please forgive me or pretend it didn't happen.
Last night I dreamt that I was trying to talk to you to get you back as a friend, I was crying and practically begging you to hear me a last time. It's been months since you decided to end our friendship and I still miss you, the fact that I'm in a happy relationship with A doesn't mean that you are less for me but I think that your mental situation at that moment plus how you felt with my relationship hurted me a lot by then and most importantly to you. I know I made mistakes and I want to apologize for them. The only reason why I don't send you a message telling you I miss you and I'm sorry it's because I want to respect what you thought would make you happier. I hope with all my heart be your friend again.
Always wishing you the best,
I'm sorry for being weird and my BPD behavior. I hope you're doing well. I'm still working on getting better. I've leveled up a lot as a person so far in the time we haven't spoken, but I'm not there yet.
Once I'm there and I'm a me that you can be proud of, I hope we cross paths again. There's a lot I want to tell you.
Truthfully, I'd like for us to be happy together forever.
to c, r, t, and m i guess:
i want to be friends with you guys. i keep thinking of all the ways i fucked up becoming friends with you guys and feel sick.
i'm going to give it another try, though. so please. i hope things work out for us.