Unsent letters Anonymous 2119
Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
I used to really wish you would message me more often, because it felt so one sided sometimes I could scream. I still don't know where I stand with you, aside from "back-up friend", as you have told me in the past. Fuck you, and fuck all your "real friends" too. I know you only chase after them because you think I'm going to always be there, while knowing they are not.
I don't appreciate being told that I'm essentially the one you choose last for spending time with, or talking to, in fact, I don't know how we devolved into this that I actually still put up with it.
I used to be patient with you but I've lost it all, I feel more resentful towards you the more I write and realise the way you've treated me near the end of our friendship has been some of the most anxiety inducing moments we've shared. At least on my part.
I don't know what I did to put a damper on us, but I feel your avoidant behaviour (because you "don't want to rock the boat") really put a strain on us because you never wanted to talk about the problems we could have solved to make us better.
I feel I should add, ignoring me after I helped you through your pregnancy scare for a week straight isn't fun. You didn't want to talk to your boyfriend during that week because he might leave you, but now you're all over him.
It's not even the first time that has happened either and you know it.
I've helped you when you were high multiple times, picked you up from strange places, and supported you through break ups.
Every time I think I've gotten the hint that you don't want to be my friend, out of the blue you will message me, and I will get so excited you've paid me attention I will instantly reply. And then nothing.
I've had enough. I'm not playing your validation game. Go and ignore someone else to feel superior. And then complain that no one really understands you.
We've been friends for 15 years. What's the point if you can't see past the end of your own nose?
Fuck you (again)
You are an ass I hope you are set on fire
I liked you a lot but now you just piss me off. Like really liked you. :(
The worst thing that you ever did was get involved with that queer shit on tumblr. You aren't even gay. Or bi. You are a straight girl. Acting oppressed over the dumbest shit and getting into flame wars was a big waste of your time that you could have spent hanging out with me, just what did you get out of it???????
Dear God you have issues. Being neets with you was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm glad I broke up with you. Get therapy.
I'm glad I never sent you nudes of me when i was younger you pedo. You were hot though.
You will never be a boy but I understand why you wanted to not be a girl, since your bio dad was useless and abusive and a drug addict that grew weed in your bath so you couldn't bathe, and your step dad was a porn addict. Your mom always wanted you to take care of the kids too. I wouldn't want to be a girl either. I hope you are in a better place now wherever you are, and you were able to get away from that shitstorm of a family bc they didn't want a bi daughter.
I'm glad you're finally in a committed relationship now and have been for some time, even though we're not friends and haven't been for some time.
I'm bitter forever I wish i could return and refund all the art I bought of yours even though it's for the stupidest reason.
To my dad
You kind of blew it didnt ya. You get what you give. Which wasn't a whole lot.
To my mom
I'm glad we're trusting each other a lot more. Its comforting knowing I can rely on you to be there for me and vise versa. We're not isolated any more.
You are a disgusting narc. You ruined my early twenties. You manipulated me until I didn't know who I was anymore and then destroyed my best friend too. We were vulnerable and we came from bad homes and you took advantage of that by making us think you loved us when you just needed fresh meat. You fucked scared teenage runaway girls and then kicked them out of your home. You were a monster, a predator and an abuser all by the age of 21.
Now you've decided you're a woman even though your trade is ruining them. You're trying to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. You always were terrified of criticism so you've found a trendy way of avoiding it. I hope the next girl you seduce cuts of your disgusting dick and never gets caught.
Im sorry for being so useless. I still have your valentines day gift and that painting you did of us and I write you letters all the time, I hope when I fill up your black book I'll have the courage to give it to you. I know we'll never get back what we had, but im glad we had it for the little while we did, it was the happiest Ive ever been. You were the best, I always told you I didnt deserve you, Im sorry you didnt believe me. Hope you and the boys are doing well, I smiled real hard at that picture your mom posted the other day, it was nice to see you smile.
>>2123>To my mom
>I'm glad we're trusting each other a lot more. Its comforting knowing I can rely on you to be there for me and vise versa. We're not isolated any more.
What a ride those letters were
I know we haven't known each other long, and aren't even very close, but I miss you. I just wish something more would've happened. Running into you a year ago in that parking lot really changed me; I just wish I made more of an effort or that it changed you. I hope you are happy/were happy with her. I bet we would've had a lot fun. I just we wish got a chance to see each other more (it's been nearly 3 months!!) and I just wish I could've been more open. I love your personality, your style, your creativity, I hope it's safe to say I love you. You would always initiate the conversation with me, and you would always greet me, when they wouldn't. I feel like I'll never meet someone else just as charming and sweet as you. Your friends can be idiots sometimes, but I understand why you hang out with them. If the future leads us on different roads I hope that they will someday intertwine. Things would be so much more different.
Don't you miss our golden days? Every weekend we were near the coast, listening to music, and getting fucked up. You made me love the world, and you brought me out of my shell. Sadly, I could never bring myself super close to you, out of fear of you ignoring me/cutting me off. Part of me regrets that. While we once walked hand in hand, I now feel that we walk side by side, and will soon walk in different directions. I don't EVER want this to be the end of our friendship, because you are such a pure soul, and my heartaches when I think about what you've been through. Though we aren't as similar as we used to be and you have suffered mentally more than I can imagine, I have hope in us, and you. Please continue to work hard and never give up. I know it sounds corny but I'm serious, I don't want you ending up like all the other people we knew who just quit school and lived off their parents. I have faith in you.
A lot has changed in these last 3 years huh? That day you first revealed that you were leaving, I felt the end of an era closing in, and felt sick to my stomach. No more night rides near the beach, no more chilling at your place, no more inside jokes, no more outspoken fun, and no more memories. I feel like the year after you left would've been much more enjoyable if you stayed. Ever since you left us, you've gone on to do bigger and better things but I don't ever want you to loose sight of our friendship and personal experiences. You were there when I felt like my creativity was lacking, when I felt like I was unwanted, and when I was in the most pain. I'm not sure if I've made an impact on your life but you've made an impact on mine, and I don't want you to forget me, or any of us. I was with you when you experienced various milestones, and I was around when you went through various notable events. Even though we're not as "popular" or "pretty" as that new crowd you hang around, I just want you to know that we're so very similar on the inside. I know we still see each other on occasion, but it's been awhile since we really bonded. I miss your random hugs and "I love yous", I hope you still mean it. You're such a joke sometimes, but a really great friend.
I hope I can forget about you soon. Sometimes I still caught myself thinking about you, and it hurts. This is the second time I'm writing you a letter, so I'm clearly not over it. But I really want to be. I also hope you live a beautiful life, with health,happiness and love. You were very special to me and I hope someone loves you just as much I did. I miss your eyes, your smile and voice, and your hands. I miss being vulnerable with you, and having you being vulnerable with me too. You will probably be the only girl I will ever love. I wish you the best.
Why not use initials? Everyone is using them.
Resposting this because I liked the wrong post
Oh, sorry, I'm so used to /adv/ I didn't write a full sentence
I was asking what their initials were
Her name started with Y, I don't want to say the other initial. But rest assured she would never browse an image board. She never liked them.
I was asking yours, because your story reminded me of someone I know whose name also starts with Y.
I said "their" because I assumed you weren't the same anon I was quoting
I regret what I said to you and tried to reach back out when I realized how precious you were as I layed on the bathroom floor dying on drugs thinking that was the end of my life, but you never responded. I don't blame you for not responding, but I would like to know exactly why you didn't. Did my text not reach you or did you really not care about me anymore? Did my words hurt you that badly? Have you moved on? Do you still think about me?
I think about you every day at least once. I think about what you've been up to and if you're the same person. Hell, I still have dreams about you. You were my best friend and the only person I ever loved. We were closer than the closest sisters. I regret 100% that I lost you and threw you and almost a decades worth of love away in a short moment of anger. People always say romantic breakups are the hardest, but in my experience, breaking up with you was definitely the hardest. There are some days where I think about how tight we were and unbreakable, and I just break down to the point of crying and screaming because I realize you are gone and I can't get you back.
I'm sure you have a life now, more friends, a boyfriend, and are happier without me and you deserve all of that. I know I'll never find someone as cool as you or someone who gets me like you did. I still love you and I'll always love you. You taught me a lot about life and I will always be grateful for that. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget you. I miss you a lot and am filled with nothing but heartbreak and regret. I feel empty and lost without you. I wish I could take my words back and that we could be besties again but it will never happen. I am stupid as hell and I hate myself.
I miss your laugh, your stories, the way you made me laugh almost every sentence you said, the way I made you laugh more than anyone as well, the deep conversations we had, the things we bitched about together, the secrets we shared, the gifts we gave, the reassuring "I love you"s we said frequently to each other that no one else would give us, the stupid little times when we saw a pair of anime twins or sisters and would discuss which one I was and which one you were, the compliments we gave each other, the times we got drunk/high, the fun times we had trolling the hell out of people, how we talked to each other every day and night at every second, the 14 hour long calls and video game sessions we had together, the attempts to see each other in person even though we live across the country.
It pains me when something reminds me of you, and often, things do. 8 years is a long time, but I should've known you wouldn't want to die with someone like me. We were special, our bond was ethereal, and for me, no one will ever replace you in this life time.
I wish you truly regretted what you did to me, I wish you could see just the extent of the psychological damage you made. I sincerely hope you don't let him rape your new children and turn a blind eye to it as well.
Your first daughter
please let me live my own life and stop being so concerned about me all the time. It's not a good thing, it's awful, and all it does is make me want to make your biggest fear (that I'll leave and never talk to you again) come true. I know it's hard for you to understand that something like motherly love can be bad when in excess, but please just fucking believe me.
When I hit my nose and nearly broke it during your birthday party, it made me realize that this is making me fucking hate you. I was bleeding, I was in pain, I was fucking nervous thinking I broke my nose, and instead of staying calm and comforting me until we got to the hospital you were acting like a retard, crying and mat at me, cursing me for getting myself hurt and worrying you.
Do you have any idea what it's like for me to deal with depression when your well being depends entirely on mine? Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to not only feel sad and anxious, but also get EXTRA sad and anxious because my bad feelings will inevitably have an effect on you and you'll make me feel guilty for not being happy?
I feel trapped, I feel like never looking into your face again. I'm 26 and you still call me every night to make sure I got home safely. I'm 26 and you still call every single one of my friends when I don't pick up the phone because you are so fucking codependent you can't let me be off your radar for over 6 hours. I'm 26 and you broke into my apartment because I was asleep and my phone was on mute and I didn't answer your calls.
You are fucking insane. This is not normal. I don't know what the fuck you or your therapist were doing during all those years when you were in treatment and it never got better, but I'm fucking glad you decided to stop going to pay for "my therapist". The truth is, I'm not going to any therapist. I'm not the one who needs it, I'm pocketing your fucking money. I'll suck you dry of everything you have because if you don't have any self-respect I'm not going to respect you either.
Consider this reparation for all the paranoia you instilled in me. You are so fucking crazy I wouldn't doubt that you have literal cameras in my apartment and are watching me type this. You should have gotten a dog instead of a kid, because the dog wouldn't mind the fucking leash.
I wish you'd do something for me at least once, especially right now when I feel so lonely and vulnerable. I understand that we shouldn't expect anything back when we give, but I feel hurt when I see how little you seem to care about all the things I went through for you, and never get any "proof" that you value me too. I don't know if this is a childish way of thinking, or if it's fair or not, but this is how I feel.
The only thing I need is a tight loving hug from you, and your presence. I need you in this tough moment. I'm hurting. I feel alone. The only thing I really need is having you here. I want all the things we have been telling each other for the last years.
Please stop trying to convince me to do things I don't want to do, especially because I know you know what's the best option for both of us. I know that deep down you know it's unfair to ask those things from me. I really hope you do.
You're right. That's not normal at all and I empathize with you. Keep on keeping on.
What am I to you? You give me an occasion of your attention once every other week, and forget about me for the rest. But when you do talk to me, you make me feel like I am the center of your universe, like there is nothing else you would like to do but talk to me. And I resent you for that. The way that you push me away and pull me back in like I am weightless and fully surrendered to your charm. I know it's my fault too; being too weak to tell you no, that you can't just keep using me as an ego boost, and that I can't worship you like this forever.
You don't know how badly I miss you when you are away. I keep track of every hour that you don't respond to me. I adore you way more than I could ever let on. Every attempt I made at distancing myself from you is broken by just one message from you. I look at your town on a map and just daydream about what you are currently doing at that moment. And then the depression overtakes me, because I know that whatever it may me, you aren't thinking about me. I am just the one who gives you that satisfaction in your confidence when I screenshot your pics or react to your sweet nothings.
Fuck you. Just fuck you. After all you went through and put me through, I thought you could have understood me better, but you let your situation ruin you. I got out of it and saved myself. Yes, I was raped, trapped, and forced to have a child, yes, I proudly proclaim, I don't consider that child mine. No, no one will think I am a bitch for saying that, no one but you. No, I will not pay my rapist ex child support, no I will not get custody of the child… I know my father yelled and hit you, but you planned to have me, you were married, you wanted -me-. I always knew you were a sad pathetic woman. Leaving my dad, but then getting back with your ex from highschool, running away from home when i was 10 to date a 25 year old, pawning me off on grandma but then getting back with my stepdad after your rebellious fling was over, more importantly after my brother wasn't an infant. You haven't changed from then. You will never understand me, and I don't want you to. You are not welcome at my wedding and I refuse to take anything I might inherit from you. You will die without ever hearing my voice ever again.
Damn, lots of people itt are sad/mad at their moms. That made me stop to think about my relationship with mine too. She's always been overprotective and controlling to the point I felt like I had to kill myself or run away. I'm an adult and she hasn't really changed, though I have come to accept things. She will always be like that, unfortunately, and that will make me distance myself from her eventually. My life will probably change a lot next year so I know shit will hit the fan, but I hope she will still want me in her life to some extent because I definitely want her in mine despite her own insanity driving me nuts with her on a daily basis. I love my mommy, eek.
Just stopping by to wish you all good vibes.
Saging this because this isn't really a letter.
I'm sorry I bullied you all over /cgl/ almost 10 years ago. I still think your actions warranted it and you tried to do worse to others, but I didn't intend for you to abandon social media completely. I was on my high horse trying to teach you some hubris and so many people joined in detailing similar experiences they had with you so I felt justified, but I should've stopped inciting these threads once you went to the police to press charges against the wrong person. You were a hot mess of online stalking and rage fits. Nobody liked you because you were a terrible person who'd throw public fits if people didn't fall over themselves prioritizing you in every possible way and even said so yourself - that you wouldn't accept your friends complimenting anyone else. I realize now that you're incredibly mentally ill and sometimes I wonder how much of it you deserved, but then again you never even implied to make an attempt at getting better, no matter how often your family put you into wards, no matter how many friends abandoned you and tried to explain why. Even your therapist stopped seeing you. I always wanted you to succeed with your talents but you refused to hone even those skills you were most proud of and passionate about. You defended yourself about the stupidest things but never addressed the real problems everyone had with you. I wish you could've gotten better but every time I find a sliver of your online presence it looks like you still haven't changed one iota.
After you threatened to violently kill me, I couldn't stay around anymore. Add that to the way you were slandering me and threatening to hurt the people I were once friends with, for absolutely no reason because 99% of the things you were blaming me for had never even happened in the first place.
Yes, I was physically far enough not to fear anything, but I thought that was more than enough. And I know it was.
It's been a long time now, and I know for sure you still hate me, or pretend to hate me. I wonder if you really do though. I think the answer is yes, but i will never stop wishing you don't.
Deep down my heart I really want to contact you again because of how important we were to each other, but I know I shouldn't. Logic and reason tell me not to. And I won't, for at least a long time. I just wish you knew I don't hate you anymore, and I probably never really did anyway. I was just afraid of you, and sad, and hurt.
My heart misses you even though I may never have the chance to talk to you again.
I wonder if souls are real or not. If they are, I hope we meet in the next life so we can stay together, side by side, happy again.
Our last exchange was 3 years ago, with you trying to booty call me. You got married this weekend. It still hurts. Do you still lie about losing your virginity to me? I have no doubt you feel no remorse for what happened, why do I still care?
((i am pathetic))
You are a nice person but I can not stand how I need to walk on glass around you. If I mention anything that could make you feel insecure, could be intercepted as having something to do with your or you have a bad day, you victimise yourself. I end up apologising for things that I should not have to apologise for. I keep on trying to show how much I care for you, but in the end I always feel like I did something wrong.
It has gotten to the point that I avoid and dread communicating with you. When I have a point, you try to convince me that I am wrong - when it is something I am well versed in. You act very insecure and try to act all "feminist", when in fact women make you so insecure. You lash out on women all the time for the most trivial things. Then, when someone mentions something that could be taken as relating to a person like you, you throw a shitfit on how other people need to be accepting and feminists like you. You openly wish death on people who disagree with you, at times not as a "joke".
You are a big hypocrite and it makes communicating with you very difficult, because you are otherwise such a great person.
Please, get over your insecurities. They tarnish you.
Dear Past Me (circa 12 years old),
I'm probably quite disappointing to you. I’m really sorry that I haven’t become a world-renowned author yet like we had envisioned for ourselves all those years ago. You see, you’ll become too busy with school and college to spend time on your hobbies. Writing will take a low priority because you’ll fall behind your peers a lot. You’ll have to deal with a lot of stress. I’m sorry, it’s really hard to have to tell you that when you’re so young but maybe it will encourage you to look into getting diagnosed with a learning disability. I’m too embarrassed to get that kind of diagnosis now. Please, don’t ever forget that dream though. We will get there eventually, I promise.
I also took quite a different path in life to the one we chose. I think you’d still be proud of me, though. It’s not the job we wanted where we get lots of time off to work on our future best-selling novels and one that makes us want to leap out of bed with excitement every morning. It’s really hard work, but it pays well. I know, it’s really hard to tell you that you end up favouring a job that pays well over one that you enjoy. I bet you already know at that age that this is what adults do, they’ve been taught by our society that money is more important than happiness. But at least we’ll be able to afford a house after 20 years. That’s good, right? I’ll check in with you in a few years to let you know if it was worth it.
Your dog died a few weeks ago. I just wanted to let you know that it’s going to be easier than you think to let him go. You actually got him at a pretty good time, because when you do have to finally say goodbye, you’re going to be an adult and it’s going to be easier to cope with. I don’t want to scare you, but in his old age he develops a lot of problems. He struggles to breathe, he has a skin condition, his appearance changes a bit and he doesn’t enjoy the things he used to like going for walks or play fighting with you. That’s why we had to stop him from suffering, it was the right thing to do. It’s not scary, you don’t actually see him pass away. One day, you come home and he’s not there anymore. I just wanted to let you know that you should appreciate every day you have with him. He’s your best friend, although I know you already know that. Make sure he gets plenty of long walks and talk to him often, he loves your voice. Be patient with him. He develops a lot of annoying habits towards the last few years of his life, but remember that it’s not his fault. Hug him every night before you go to bed, okay?
Going to your new school is going to be really exciting, but it’s going to have its challenges. You get bullied a lot. You should just keep your head down and study. Don’t put up with people who don’t treat you well just because you’re afraid of being lonely. You will find amazing friends in a few years, even a boyfriend who loves you more than you can imagine right now. The things those people say will stay with you forever, so don’t listen to it. Your teacher will also bully you. The people you trust the most. You’re so young to have to deal with this, I’m so sorry. But don’t listen to what they say, please, don’t let it get to you. Don’t allow them to crush your dreams and make you give up your hobbies. They’re not silly, they’re beautiful and they make you who you are. Hold on to them for as long as you can. Don’t let mom treat you like a baby, either. This is your time to have boy/girlfriends and wear silly hairstyles. You’re becoming a little woman and that’s okay. Embrace it. Trust me, it’s going to be way more embarrassing to go through a “teen phase” as an adult so now is your time to do it. You’re going to develop depression, it’s inevitable. All I ask is that you take good care of yourself. Tell yourself nice things, take lots of breaks, don’t waste your time on people who make you feel worse. Even if you think nobody loves or cares about you, I do.
Ultimately, I just wanted to let you know that no matter what stage of life you’re at, don’t listen to anyone. Hold onto your interests, do all the silly things that you want to do and make lots of little mistakes. Make friends with people who tell you that you’re pretty and funny and intelligent because they’re the comments that you’re going to remember for years afterwards. Appreciate everything you have, no matter how small. Your life isn’t going to look like what you expected it to in ten years, but that’s okay. Be open to change. Say “yes” to every challenge or opportunity that comes your way. Make lots of good memories. Look after yourself.
When you do show up these days, I’m so overwhelmed I want to cry, push you away, and then scream at you. It’s easier to just shut down instead.
You really were special to me. You still are. I’m too old to say “I WISH YOU WEREN’T!” but here we are. I miss your gentle voice, your surprised laugh; I miss being wrapped up in you 15 hours a day for our years together. I was going to be your wife.
“Bibere venenum in auro.”
farewell - by ryan…
I wish you'd take action for once, and give the first step into a new life. I understand your situation is complicated, I really do. I know you can't rush things, but if you stay stagnant, nothing will happen. That includes good things too. Next time things start to improve, please, please… Take action. Don't let things stay the same. The time is coming and you need to take the lead here.
I wish I knew how to comfort you better. I try my best, but I don't know if that's enough. I'm writing you this letter because I don't want to touch this topic today, since I know you've felt very sad lately. All I want you to know is that I am by your side no matter what happens there. You have me here for you and with you, as long as you want me in your life.
You have a loving mom and I care a lot about her, but you're about to turn 30, and shouldn't let her dictate things for you anymore when it comes to where you will live, and all of that. I've always let my own mom do the same to me, so I understand how hard it is, but we both need to break free in our own ways. I know we can help each other.
I feel so distant from you when you're sad, and push me away. In this time of sadness and despair, you shouldn't be alone.
There's a lot more I want to say, but for now, that's it.
I love you very much,
I'm sorry to hear the news. I wish I knew you were going through big problems, maybe I'd have waited longer to reach out, or acted differently than I did. I still think about you every now and then wondering if you're ok or not, and how your life is going. I won't lie to you, I wish things were different… I guess you wouldn't want to hug me, nor look happy when seeing me anymore. That hurts. I hope someday we manage to see each other and that I will change my mind about the way I think you see me. At least now that I know the circumstances you're in, I can tell myself you probably didn't mean to seem so cold… I can only wonder so many things…
I'm sorry we couldn't reconnect before you died. I'm sorry that I couldn't explain why we lost touch in high school. When I was looking up your page after I got the news, I saw that I was unblocked. I thought you hated me. I wish I could have told you about what he did and how it affected me, but you were his best friend. What would it have accomplished? I wish I would have just gotten over it and spent time with the people I cared about. You were one of my closest friends. And I'm sorry that I let one person get in the way of that.
Wherever you are now, I hope you can be happy. I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend. I'm sorry we never got to hang out one more time.
PS. The only reason I didn't go to the funeral is because if I saw him there, I wouldn't have been able to keep it together. I'm sorry. Your best friend was an abuser and a rapist and I know you're gone but at least I can say it out loud now. I'm sorry.
You push me to better myself. Thank you for staying. I love you.
Wish we said goodbye to one another before exiting the stage: you to the left, and I to the right. Reading our script sounds like a bad movie we'd once lambaste for its weak ending. We could have written it better.
I miss you. Hope you're okay.
Get over him. He's not interested. Tweeting about every time his hand brushes your hair fondly or how cute he looks today sinks you deeper into the rabbit hole.
You could become a great photographer if you stopped posting five variations of the same picture. The only difference between all of them is a slight tilt of the head. Filter.
I'd tell you this to your face, but that would require you to show up and stop flaking on our plans. C'est la vie.
Sorry for friendzoning you the way I did. Thought it would be better for you to hate me than to be led on. Should have been gentler. I did like dissing Fantano and talking vidya together. Hope you found your people.
Maybe we'd be friends in another life. Part of me believes that we're both secretly envious of one other. The more realistic half knows that you don't give a shit, let alone remember my name. I do though, and that pisses me off.
Do they have green juice in heaven? If so, are you actually in hell?
Sorry for being a disappointment. You would've wanted me to pursue something practical. Maybe I'll regret my choices someday, but not now. In some ways, your passing opened doors I could have never stepped through with you by my side. Every achievement I accomplish feels bittersweet because of that.
Your adages for a balanced diet echo across the supermarket when I do the groceries. Editing formal pieces becomes difficult without you hovering over my shoulder and remarking how I could reword a sentence for brevity. Despite your conservative perspective on dating, I think you'd like my boyfriend. He's a softer version of you, but you both keep me grounded.
Thank you for trying your best. I wish I had a few more years to get to know you better. You were a good person and a selfless mother.
My biological father,
I don't know whether you've heard of her death. Fuck you anyway.
>>3237>8 months ago
Well, I gave it my best. I guess I shouldn't have bothered.
Go to hell for saying all those ridiculous and rude things about me today, and wishing me bad luck just because I unfollowed you. You sound like a spoiled kid, I'd never believe you'd have such a childish reaction. I should have unfollowed you ages ago because we don't even talk to each other, so it was about time. Throw my old letters in the trash and leave me alone for good. You only remember me when you want help or something, or when you are in need. I won't forget the way you treated me when I was younger. I hope everything you wished upon me bites you in the ass.
I woke up thinking about you today. I wonder if you're okay. Maybe you are dead and I will never know. I know you hate me, and even though I don't really know why you do, I can't force myself to hate you, even though I probably should.
It's been a long time, but I can't let go of the good memories. I miss seeing so much vulnerability coming from someone, and how you showed me your angst when it hit you. It made me feel like being vulnerable with you was okay too even if in the end it really wasn't. I hope that, wherever you are, someday you feel in your heart that I cherish our good moments and will always care about you, even if I'm far. Things will never be the same.
I opened the notebook you gave me and read some of your poems. I wish I could cry, but I can't allow myself to be sad over you after the pain you've inflicted on me. All I can do is wish we both find peace.
I honestly cannot wait until the day you die, you broke me when i was already broken, you almost pushed to kill myself again, i will never forgive you, you might be family on paper, but i do not consider you so.
I might feel bad for you at times, and sometimes i think i will regret stopping talking to you once you are dead, but then i remember how much you are hurting our family, and i remember that not talking with you was my best decision.
Maybe you should think before you act.
Go rot in hell, you absolute bitch. You decided to ruin my whole teen years for your own amusement, you were the one who deserved no friends, not me, i will always regret trusting you.
I used to love you so much, i considered you my sister from another mother, the day you dissappeared my heart broke into a million pieces. I never believed in internet friendship until i met you, i recently found your Facebook and saw you finally came out like you wished to and got the dream job you wanted. God, i am so proud of you, i wish i could tell you, but our relationships was old news and it does not need to be revived.
I'm sorry i ignored you that time, i sent you some e-mails but i guess you didn't see them or didn't care to reply, i was young and stupid. You were my first real friend on the internet, and i'll never forget you. I wish i could just talk with you so i could apologise for being so dumb and putting you to the side for superficial friendships.
You are amazing and i wish i could tell you that a million times until you believed it.
Thank you so much for everything you did for me, you were the light in darkness at times. You were, and i'm sure, are, wonderful in every way.
i'm really sorry you are going through so much stress, i wish i could take it all myself even if it meant worsening my mental health, seeing you cry broke my heart. I'm sorry we do not have the best family, and i'm sorry for being stupid at times. I know you love me, as i do you, i'm sorry sometimes i let my depression take the best of me.
I'm sorry for trying to kill myself so many times and telling you i wish i was dead that day, the way you broke down was terrible.
I wish i could be better or feel joy. But in the meanwhile, i'll try to be strong until you can feel at home again.
You know you can lean on me, even when sometimes you act in terrible ways, so do i.
I saw your twitter the other day, you changed so much, and you achieved your dreams, i knew you would make it past your adversities and survive. I wish we met under different circumstances so we could have been closer, i'm sorry for breaking your heart.
how is your life going? i wish we kept in contact after we were separated. You were the first friend that didn't betray me terribly, we both grew up a lot and we are most likely different now, but i wish we could have stayed friends, despite the distance.
did you ever achieve your dreams of being an actress? you were such an amazing friend, and i didn't know how to behave as one, i probably disappointed you so many times, you were always the first to call and the first to talk. I wish i could just explain to you that i was scared of friendship after all my past endeavours and i didn't know how to behave, but god, did i loved you as a friend. Every single day of my life i regret not being more proactive with you. You made me feel at ease when i was at my worst.
And despite what everyone tried to say, you remained my friend and trusted me, just as i did. We didn't care for malicious rumours or whatever, we knew each other and we knew we could trust each other, didn't we?
I hope your life is going just the way you wanted it.
Dear past me,
Sadly, you will make it past 20, all your suicide attempts will fail and you'll feel so lost after not making any plans. You are not as terrible as you think you are, you are a sweet girl who got caught up by terrible people. I wish you could stand up for yourself and fight it, maybe then, i would be in another situation.
I'm sorry that you didn't even believe you deserved to live even before you hit double digits in age. You still think it in the future, and you will try to end it a million times, god, you are so fucked on the head, but if i can promise you anything is that you will realise you are not as awful as you think you are and you will grow into something.
And hey, maybe we can get our dream job!
Dear future me,
Hoe please get a grip.
What happened. I was supposed to go out there with you. We were going to start our lives together. You just cut me out before we even had a chance to grow together. Were you scared? Did you fall out of love? Why didn't you tell me you were uncomfortable with our plans? Why did you tell me you didn't have time for our relationship and then immediately start a new one? You were always so hesitant with me and we took things so slow. It's been a month and a half with her and you're on a roadtrip and taking her to Disneyland. Things we did together. Things we wanted to do together. I hate her so much. Why are you giving her all the time you said you couldn't give me. Why did you hurt me like this. I thought you loved me. You said you loved me when you left. Why are you doing this to me. Two weeks after you were gone and you're already loving her. Why couldn't we be happy. Why couldn't we work together. Everyone thought we were great together. You always made me feel so amazing. I loved you more than anyone else.
How could you do this to me.
I hope maybe you come here, because I assume you're still into lolcows. I think about you a lot, and wish we could have parted on better terms. I hope law goes well for you and you become a power lesbian and have the future of your dreams. Please forgive me for being a shitty person.
I miss having you as my father.
I'm sorry I had to stop talking to you. I really am ridiculously avoidant to the point of it ruining any semblance of a social life I had. I still watch what you post and will always love your work. I hope you can overcome what your mother has done and flourish, even getting that sought after career you speak of so much.
I admittedly had a bit of a crush on you, but you are too far away and too good for me. You really are amazing and I want you to get better.
Barely a day goes by without me being reminded of some aspect of you that I miss, I wish I'd tried harder as you were the first and only thing in many, many years that made me at all happy.
I don't like the 'rotten' part of you. I just know that you're so much more than that. I admire and respect who you are as a whole, so so much. I can handle the rotten you, but it looked like you couldn't handle the me that was reeled back.
I never intended my message about your loss to feel unsympathetic. I should have used more words to show that, I am sorry how it came out. But I also know I didn't do anything wrong.
Because of the date drawing closer, I'm going to take the advice you gave me when you weren't manic, to be with a nice girl and dip.
Please go back to your cool therapist lady. You're capable of going through hell and coming out on top but you've been slipping a lot lately and she's the only one who can really help.
I don't want to send this to you directly now because of the way you've been responding. I've also been slipping. I don't know what is going on with me.
I really do hope you make the most out of life. You're the strongest person I know and your existence makes me hopeful for the world. I love you and I wish you the best.
almost 8 years later and I still wish we actually gave us a shot back then.
I’m sorry. You were strong, and brilliant, and brave, and so handsome. And I’m just me, mousy with no chin or chest. You were so good to me, but I thought I was a Summer fling, that you’d vanish like you appeared and all I’d have was amazing memories.
Everywhere we went pretty girls hit on you, wanted your attention, stared at me wondering if I was your cousin or something of if a man like you would actually date a girl like me. In my bones I was sure that I was just a conquest, maybe even to prove you weren’t shallow.
So when you told me you loved me it scared me. I thought you couldn’t mean it; I thought it was like when boys would say their friend thought I was cute but it was a prank. It couldn’t be real.
I’m sorry I ran off. I’m so sorry I ignored your calls and messages. I’m sorry I didn’t see you that last week before you went home.
Your wife is so very pretty, your sons quite handsome. I hope you all are as happy as you appear. Thank you for giving your new daughter the same name as me.
ANON STOP YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY
This sounds like a tragic romance. If you have writing skills it may be cathartic to write a novel, no lie.
to the class president:
I'm sorry I didn't tell you from the start that I don't like you, I was confused and scared and didn't know how to say it without being mean. But seriously HOW haven't you realized yet that I am not one bit interested in you? I feel so uncomfortable whenever I have to interact with you. Just give it up and move on already. I hope I never meet you again.
Great, now my heart is racing from adrenaline.
I really wish he knew that and I wish you had a peace of mind that he knows. You sound like an extremely caring and good person. None of you should hurt but at some point you both did.
It took me a long time, but I realized long after that I accepted how bullies treated me but rejected how people like him did; even later I realized it was self-hatred.
I don’t hate myself anymore. I’m still alone, but not self-loathing.
I miss you so much. I wish I could tell you.
Kay, I'm sorry that I ran away. I'm not able to be me right now and we both need different things. I'm sorry that I got defensive. We both met each other at the wrong time. I'm sorry I didn't say this directly to you. I enjoyed our time together.
Good thing you can’t read this or you might tell me you told me so or just flat out ignore me. I think that despite everything you might have genuinely loved me and I see your efforts now.. thqt thing you said so early on into our relationship put me off you so much but you never acknowledged how bad it actually was. I don’t know if I miss you now because you were the only one I have here that could actually help me now or if I have feelings for you still.. I really wish you hadn’t pushed me so far so fast..
I'm so sorry I fucked things up. I'm sorry I left when things were so hard for you. I'm sorry I came back and did the same damned thing again.
I think we could have been happy and I ruined it, and things will never be the same. I miss you dearly and I'm glad we can still meet as friends sometimes. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
To E and S,
On days like today I regret everything that has happened. I was doing fine today and suddenly started thinking of how you two might be feeling or doing. A lump started to form in my throat and I feel stabbed through the chest. I never bothered to tell you how I feel. If you resent me I deserve it, if you miss me then you're hurting yourself for no good reason. I don't have the audacity to write "dear", what I have done is not something you do to ones considered dear.
E, I didn't bother saying goodbye to you. My rationale for not giving that to you was petty, spiteful, and selfish. I was so furious and upset with you for something you were certainly oblivious to. The truth is you are 100% the reason I disappeared, I said goodbye to your lover and not you because of how hurt I felt by you. For so long you were my only hero and role model, I expressed that sometimes but never conveyed to what extent I looked up to you. I was terrified of you not approving of something about me. 2017 though, besides the terrible ending it had, I will always remember as being tremendously hurt by you. I hated every moment of it. I would always disappear because in truth I felt devastated every time S spoke about you. She would casually mention something as simple as you walking to the corner store and at times it would make me erupt into tears. I didn't know what to do but I wanted away from you both during the most of that year. I still felt guilty for what had happened between us and mostly felt like I deserved to be treated that way by you. I don't know what to think of you anymore. At times I just miss you and at others I feel like I hate everything you are. Honestly, days like today are nothing compared to how agonizing it was being in contact with you. But I am sorry, I truly carry a lot of sorrow with me over this and will forever be a betraying, backstabbing monster.
S, I'm sorry for how vicious and mean I was the days before I ran away. I wasn't lying when I said these feelings I have about the friendship with the both of you was affecting me everywhere I went, it was as if the emotions were going to make my brain implode and I took it out on you, as I was committed to not speaking to E until she spoke first. I envied you so much. I never once expressed it but anytime you mentioned your family or friends I would get angry at you, and sometimes selfishly wished you would censor details about your life when talking to me. The sentence you spoke about your mother calling you twice a day actually put me over the edge enough to grow the motivation to finally escape the overwhelming pain I felt towards E. I'm an awful person for this but I never wanted comfort you about anything because I viewed your aches as invalid, I viewed the "dark place" you said you were in as a paradise. It would make me so envious and all the metacognition and trying to grow up never made me able to get over that. It's easy to justify my actions by remembering the love you both bask in, and that if I have endured such isolation and abandonment you can stand to have one less friend, but in reality I'm just a piece of shit trying to sleep at night.
I never want to be in your lives again but wish I could hover in your room as a specter to confirm you're okay and see what you've been up to. I did a lot of unimaginable stuff after we parted, I went on several dates, changed my style and hair dramatically and even moved far away just like I said I would. I'm in a relationship again and recently I feel like I don't even deserve it because of what I've done to you. You know I'm not religious but recently I've prayed that you both are happy and well. If there was a way to lobotomize any memory of you both from my mind I would but I'm never going to forget you. I miss you so much.
It's me again. I'm happy for you. But I'm an autist so I just liked your status because I don't know what to say. I want to apologize for being so stupid and inexperienced and I want to be your friend. I'm sorry I'm stupid and can't do that. I don't even know if you'd want that.
I won't post any more creepy letters any more. I just regard you fondly and I want you to be happy. Even that's worded stupidly.
Congratulations! I wish the world for you. You're a good person.
It is hard for me to express myself and so I may seem boring or dumb. I hate that you don’t care about anything. I hate that you “don’t have feelings.” You do have them. You suppress them but they still exist. Who hurt you? Who made you not want to feel anything again? You said you don’t have feelings but you also once said you missed me. Isn’t that a feeling? You limit your chances of happiness by suppressing your emotions. I hate that I’m nothing to you.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I adore you. Just looking at You, your face, the way you act around people. Watching you do even the smallest things, like light your cigarette, just makes me love you more somehow. It just started as a tiny crush, a what if, A curiosity, but now I can say that I actually love you. I can't wait to get to know you more and more and find more little things to love you for. I want to hear everything.
The idea of you gives me hope and just briefly seeing you makes every shitty day better. I want to hug you
You're a hypocrite and I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore. I felt bad for always thinking you were my friend but feeling unhappy, so I never wanted to voice my feelings, but I'm glad I finally did when the moment came. You are the one who was always guarded and fake, not me. Stop acting like a constant victim when we all have problems, and stop gaslighting people just because meds worked for you. My feelings matter and if I have an issue with you, meds aren't going to solve that completely. Good luck to your new married life.
Maybe I'm just young and stupid, but I do think you could be the love of my life. I think about you every night when we get off the phone I'm so excited I can't sleep well. You're the first boyfriend who has ever treated me with respect. I hope that we can be together in the future, and I worry about the distance between us every day. I hope I can return to you soon.
You're such a pretentious snob. You've done nothing and accomplished nothing but say lines like "pursue the arts at all costs", you got such a big head for taking violin lessons. You say lines like "people fall into 3 basic types, I however ______"
You ruined friendship for me. I hate you. I hate everything you've done. I hate how badly your rejection hurt. I fucking hate how much you acted like your life was a struggle under the insanely ez mode circumstances your adulthood has been. You act like getting free autism bucks and flying back and forth and getting to buy exotic instruments and clothes while never working a day in your life is difficult. You act like your mom "taking a week off from work to see me" somehow warrants your awful feelings. Your life is so god damn easy. You get stressed out from packing, or go "yeah REAL FUCKING COOL" because of doing 2 people's worth of dishes. You are that much of a child that doing such a miniscule amount of dishes frustrates you, yet somehow lack awareness enough to give me a "the world is your oyster" speech.
But I never felt okay thinking any of that and treated them like intrusive thoughts and buried them away. I never wanted to think mean things about you.
For so god damn long you ignored me. The only time I was good enough for you to initiate a conversation was when you needed something from me, and when I told you good night during that conversation you just ignored it. Prior to that I tried to talk to you over and over and over and over and over during the darkest period of my life and I was never enough to captivate you, you found a way to end the conversation swiftly by having to go do something. No matter when. I fucking hate you. Fuck you emma, fuck you, fuck you forever and fuck your ez mode struggles in life. You are so delusional. You are so full of yourself. Life would kick your ass so quickly if your stupid family and your SO's stupid family stopped existing. I hate you.
I've never gotten over you. Please die.
You Need to stop pretending to be like me. Anything I say or Do you instantly copy it. I was just FUCKING starting to make friends who like what I like but you had to come in and act like me while one upping me with your good looks. Let me be me and you be you. My personality is the only fucking thing that keeps people talking to me and you need to stop pretending to have my personality to get people to like you too. You’re gorgeous and have money so fucking work with that to get friends. I have fucking nothing but my personality. I’m ugly and disgusting but have a personality that I’m kind of proud of it’s ALL I FUCKING HAVE. You’re one of my best friends but this is the one thing that annoys me the most. PLEASE FIND YOUR OWN PERSONALITY AND FRIEND GROUP. DONT STEAL EVERYTHING IM HAPPY ABOUT.
I'm sorry, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I will never forget you and I will never be the same again after this.
Dear T, R, L, every person I've formed an obsession over, ever.
I love you all so dearly. And I get so warm thinking about the fact that you all exist at the same time as me. Even if I am romanticizing your words, even though this is ultimately unhealthy, I just. Love you.
I got your message and don't know how to respond.
I developed similar feelings for you and would like to be honest about it, but at the same time it wouldn't be for the best since I can't actually see us together. We live so far away and are at different points in our lives. I just think I'd end up being avoidant again or making you feel bad…or both. We also both know I'm unfortunately hung up on men since I can't open myself up to a relationship with someone I view as equal. It's too vulnerable. And I still view you as intimidating and much more impressive than me.
I don't know how to respond. If I do I'll probably lie about how into your personality I am, then try to move on with our friendship from there. But even that's not guaranteed. I'll probably be a coward and pretend I never opened up the account again and saw it
…I want you to know I don't hate you at least. I think about you regularly.
I wish we'd talk again, but after all this time, would it really be worth it? I don't even know how to find you. We will never talk again. You were so special to me, I know I won't ever love another girl again. I miss the way I felt back then, I miss waking up to you. I miss everything, even the things that hurt.
I keep coming back to this thread and scrolling up I can see I've posted about you before, and I know this time won't be the last. Am I ever going to stop missing you? I am with someone new now, someone who I love, so I won't ever reach out to you again. I hope life is treating you kindly, and that you're happy and healthy.
Are you still the same? I can only wonder.
I will always think of you.
Does your name start with S and end in n? It probably isn't addressed to me but damn the situation is similar to what I'm going through.
If not, I am sorry for bothering you.
No. Sorry you're dealing with someone similar to me tbh.
It’s cruel and I know it is, but I did get some satisfaction when you came to me to ask why none of the guys you’ve dated since you left me have loved you like I did.
It’s childish and petty and stupid, but there it is. Im pretty sure I wish you all the best, but I’m glad you left and it was still nice to hear that you feel like you’re missing out somehow.
I guess I can thank you for being so awful at the end that you basically beat self respect into me. I will never, ever, put up with treatment like that again. I deserved better.
It’s teally nice to finally be able to say that and believe it too.
Apparently the last person to truly love you.
To me at age 12
Sup you little idiot.
Come out if the closet.
Mum and dad don’t care. Dad will just play more video games with you and mum will stop nagging you about wearing more dresses. Do it.
It’s a damn sight better than the next six years of self hatred and anorexia for gods sake. Why are you doing this.
Where did you even get the idea it was bad from anyway you stupid child.
Just get it out there instead of wasting your teen years in a self imposed coccoon of self hate, because I’m the one who has to deal with the messed up personality we’re left with afterwards.
Your future gay self.
Also don’t date C when you finally get it all out. She cheats on you six times with four different men and you inexplicably take her back like an idiot every time. It’s not worth it.
>>17978>cheated 6 times
She definitely put the slut in it.
But really, the fault was with me being so stupid and always just smoothing things over and forgiving.
I was beyond pathetic back then.
>>17978>you basically beat self respect into me. I will never, ever, put up with treatment like that again.
Can relate. It's a mixed kind of feel.
Useful lesson to learn, I just wish I could've learnt it more quickly. And maybe with less heartbreak.
you're a jealous piece of shit and i'm glad you fucked yourself over
Sorry I'm trying to change my ways.
I can't say I was surprised when you didn't respond back when I needed you the most, but I was disappointed anyway. I was there for you when you needed someone, through the period you were fighting OCD to the loss of your grandmother, and the time you were afraid of that guy who was stalking you. I was there for you all the time, always with you.
I thought you'd be there for me too at least this time, but color me surprised, you weren't. If you didn't want to help me, for whatever reason, it would be ok and I told you it'd be ok. But why couldn't you at least fucking respond? Why leave me like that, waiting for an answer, when I was fucking despairing? If you had said no to me I'd have understood it and I'd have said "alright" and things would be okay between us. But no, you didn't give a shit and only said something when I confronted you. I saw you happily interacting with other people while I waited so I know you were online and that you chose to ignore me for over a week.
I have theories to explain why you did that, but I don't want to believe they were true because it would mean I didn't matter much to you in the end or that you were jealous of the good things that had happened to me while you were stuck in the same situation.
I thought of you as a little sister and the pretty girl I wanted to be like. I loved you so much. Every now and then I look at my messages and hope to see something from you, but nada. I know you won't message me, I'm usually the one who has to do that and take the first step. But this time I won't do it. I need to learn to let friendships and relationships die even when the fault isn't really mine and that trying to fix shit without the other person's help is something I don't have to bother with.
I hope that deep down you know you fucked up greatly and that you could've at least said something when I talked to you instead of ignoring me like that. I don't want to say that karma will get your ass because I still care about you, but honestly that is what is going to happen if you keep treating people the way you treated me. Not everyone is ~~kind and nice~~ and a pussy like I was, so they won't think twice before treating you like shit and rightfully telling you to go fuck yourself, and that is how karma is going to get you. You've always discarded people in your life and I never really stopped to think about that before you did it to me. I see many of my past bad qualities in you, and I hope you at least try to fix them like I've tried to do.
Every once in a while I wonder if I was harsh when I told you the truth, but I wasn't. I wasn't even harsh, but of course you will victimize yourself over that.
I hope you grow up as a person and that you don't disappoint more people the way you disappointed me after years of being close friends.
Merry Xmas again! I hope you have a nicer year ahead of you. It sucks to see you feeling so sad. J told me to brag for once in my life, but I didn't want to depress you even more telling you about the good things that have happened to me because I know you'd feel sadder. I wish you all the best! A nice job, maybe a partner and that you can go back to college if you want to. I hope we can meet up at some point since we talked about that for so many years. I'd like to have a female friend IRL and it'd be really good if we got closer again.
Seiya and Usagi.jp…
These letters aren't unsent letters I regret, but I write to the people I care about anyway.
Thanks for showing up in my life. You're the best decision I've ever taken. I feel your love for me every single day, and I am determined to make you feel the same amount of love daily as well. It was a risk, but so worth it. We gave your parents a wonderful gift together even if it wasn't something edible kek, but we will give them an even better gift in 5 years (^: Believe me when I say I want to spend the rest of my days with you – life is worth living if I can be with you.
Thanks for being a good friend! Can you believe it's been what, maybe almost 2 years? We were both very cautious when we started talking, but we've opened up a lot more the last few months and I'm happy to have you in my life. I hope we can see each other in person someday to have a drink.
You're going to have a great 2019! I can't wait for you to graduate and start a new phase in your life with your new nose and more confidence! Thanks for being here for me when I needed you and I hope our friendship can last many years to come. No more dildo scares next year.
I miss you lots! I showed you my heart, pls respond! Love you.
Stop sleeping and text me back. Also be a better mom, you huge womanbaby. Love you.
I am rather intrigued how Janus-faced you are still carrying yourself to be… and I used to call you my best friend. From lying for the sake of your own selfishness, to stooping as low as to befriend my ex-boyfriend and trying to circulate toxic as fuck rumors making the situation a lot more abysmal. I suppose the tables have turned now; I am now on good terms with my ex-boyfriend AND your ex-boyfriend whom you have manipulated and lied to many times. I showed him the evidence, the screenshots, everything.
I don't care if I manage to get back with my ex-boyfriend or not. What matters more is that the supposed loved ones know about your true nature; ironically, the one I also have as well. But at least I don't directly target people unlike you in order to vent out the issues you have in your life. It's… quite sad actually, to see you desperately trying to justify your past and making it seem like you have a peach-perfect life when in reality you completely downgraded from the ex-boyfriend you had. Your life completely downgraded while on my hand; I'm in higher education, I graduated, I am surrounded by more positive influences. But that's what I get for associating myself with the "kawaii thot" community to begin with.
I can see how easily you can manipulate men, how fake you truly can be, how superficial your entire persona is. And I can only feel pity for you and only hope you can get the hope you'll need. Because to a degree I still care, and I forgive you for doing such aghast things such as still pursuing my ex-boyfriend despite having a boyfriend yourself, but so be it.
Regardless, karma has backfired on you immensely for the pain and heartache you gave me and I could not be even more elated.
The lies, the manipulation, the narcissism. They'll continue to bleed out in so many toxic ways and it seems you'll never learn from your ways. And yet you still framed me as the vindictive one who "started it all".
Dear, it all started when you started to resent that I wanted to help you. I've done my fair share of ridiculous things too but I didn't stoop down to your level of petty.
Regardless, I can only hope that someday you'll learn from your toxic behaviors. The indirect petty remarks you make are directed at a small audience, unlike mines where my pictures speak volumes.
My standards for having a best friend has risen and I do not regret it; because the standards needed to be associated with you are rather low and all of them eventually see how blackened your heart truly is.
I'm not a saint either but at least I am authentic and secure in my identity instead of trying to cater to people and molding to be their objects of desire. But please, do continue to be petty over knowing that more and more people know about your ways. It's amusing how much you stalk me but don't know anything about what really goes on in my life.
Of course you wouldn't, you're my ex-best friend. So please, do continue trying to "hurt" me. It'll just hurt you more in the long run.
To my dog,
I'm sorry that I shouted at you for pooping in the house. I didn't know it was going to be your last day on earth and I regret it every single day. I love you.
I don't like dogs but this is sad. RIP dog.
I thought of you today at an italian place my parents took me to. I wish I didn’t feel such an imbalance with how I desperately relied on your friendship and how little you seem to really care about it. It hurt my feelings so bad when you said I was acting like a jealous girlfriend. I don’t find you attractive at all in that way. I love you like my own sister, like kin. And I think for you, friendships are all about taking photos for Instagram and playing cards. I just wanted more, I guess. And to now know that you never wanted that deep of a friendship with me really hurts.
I’m sorry for making you cry and I’m sorry that I enjoyed it.
We were friends for years, but when I tried to warn you about that gold digging ho you blocked me and nearly ruined our friendship all so you could have a shot at her. And then what. She ghosted you, chasing after somebody else. I can't even be happy about it; I just hope you're willing to listen to me next time.
I hope you got over your issues. You were a genuine mess back then, but you were also the first and only person I've ever loved deeply. My feelings were wasted on you. I haven't felt that passionately about anyone ever since, and you responded by ghosting me three separate times. I wish I could tell my past self to just give up on you then, but instead I wasted so much time and energy waiting months for you to reappear. I hope you feel terrible about how you treated me.
Glad you could throw away our friendship of eight years for some druggies who know how to get you into raves. Hope it was worth it.
I wish you could stick with something for longer than a week. I wish you could like me and I could know that you wouldn't just get bored of me a month later and disappear.
I hate myself and I wish I were dead.
It was short and fast, and I don't know how I got so stuck on you but I did. Despite all our differences and how cold and uncaring you wanted to seem, I've seen that inner part of you that is different. I wanted it to work out, maybe a little too much and that chased you off.
Just know I wish you nothing but the best.
i'm going to speak to you this year. within the next few months, lemme polish my skills first.
we may not be friends & it might end badly but this admiration has gone on for too long? i'll give it a try
Are you sure you have a learning disability? Your writing is excellent, even if too sweet for my taste. My diagnosis is you're being a dummkopf because of depression. People with disabilities don't write half as good as you. Dummy!
I write for an hour (almost) every day before clocking into work, and on weekends. It's not too late for you.
Psychology major who's also a future world-renowned author.
this get me intriged, what do you do for a living?
I know we will probably never talk again. Part of me is relieved because of the amount of pain you've caused me through the years, but I can't lie. It hurts to think I won't ever hear from you anymore. I am so happy, I feel so loved. Things have happened and so much has changed, but every now and then I think of you. You brought me so much happiness, and you took it all away too… With your pain and all the mental and emotional anguish you were in. I wish I never destroyed the things you gave me, but I know it was the best decision. I miss your laughter and your happy face, even if in the final months all I could get from you were screams and offensive words. I want you to succeed, I want you to rise up, I want you to overcome all the bad things – I want you to be happy. If people only knew I secretly still wish you all of this, maybe they would tell me you don't deserve me wishing you good things because of what you did to me, but my heart speaks louder. Maybe we really are connected at a soul level, it is the only explanation… Thus we will always be together, even if we're never close in person. And only if you knew… How close of you I am again… You will never know, never.
Miss the you I learned how to love.
I still miss you despite knowing we were bad for each other. You still frustrate me. You've completely slipped away and it hurts that it's so easy for you while I'm dealing with this loneliness every single day.
i still love you despite everything. please don't die. if you do, a part of me will die with you.
I'm trying to be patient, but I wish you'd trust me more already. I see you around your closer friends, the few people who've known you for years, and it's like you're a totally different person. I understand it. I get it. I really do. But it still hurts. I get really jealous over it. I'd never admit that. I know what you've been through, with your family, and your horrible upbringing, and why it all made it really difficult for you to be with new people and trust them right away, and I'm willing to patiently wait while you come out of your shell with me, but some days are just harder than others.
This is just the low self esteem talking now, but I'm also scared. So so scared, that you'll lose interest in me and leave. I know I can be boring. You keep insisting it's not the case, but I know me enough to know that I'm really not good at anything and I don't have many varied interests, nor do I want many. Every day I'm amazed that you even talk to me. You're always saying that I make you feel warm and secure, but you do the same for me and you don't even realize it. I don't think you understand at all how much you've helped me, but I'm so glad I've been able to be with you through so many moments. Yet even so, this really awful, dark, selfish part of me is scared that you'll truly fix your issues, develop loads of confidence and self assuredness, and then not want to be with someone like me, who reminds you of the person you used to be. I'd never ever deliberately stand in the way of your healing journey, but I'm terrified that you'll fix yourself and leave me.
I really am a terrible person.
I love you and Its more than just friends love I love you like a lover… I know I sound dumb but yeah, at the same time the feeling is not there and thats why I dont want to pursue anything with you, also I dont want to ruin the great friendship we have. Also you are a very aloof person and honestly I dont think I would be able to handle that at times I would like someone who is genuinely interested in me and my life… There's so many great things about you but there's also a lot of cons for example you tend to be a yes man and not question things. That kinda bothers me because I dont know if you're being sincere or just playing nice. I guess thats why I can't fully fall in love with you maybe thats why the spark isn't there 100%
Heck I dont know maybe we are better off as friends only and it would probably be a mistake if I ever confess my half feelings for you, so I will continue to keep things the way they are if its not broken why try to fix it. We make great friends and I really dont want to lose that with you, if you do ever find love with someone else I wish the best I wont try and sabotage that at all because if you love someone you know you should always want them to be happy, I just want the best for you if the best is another person then so be it.
wish you the best
I love you dearly but you are so naive! I know I can never tell you this in person because you've ended a friendship over it before but you are really not too bright despite how smart you think you are. It's incredibly frustrating to see you make the same mistakes over and over and not learn anything from them. It can also be a little annoying how vain and self-centered you can be. But still, I love you like a daughter.
I'm so scared you're getting bored with me and you'll leave.
Sorry. I couldn't make myself say goodbye.
It's okay. Thanks for the closure. I feel so much lighter and like I can move on now.
I miss you. In my dreams we still sail through the skies and see the world trees.
I knew it would happen with you as well, but I didn't want to believe it would. I know I'm depressing to be around. I've seen how I bother others. How all I have to do is speak about any topic and people get depressed, but the moment they're with someone else, someone happy, someone not broken, then they're cheery again. I'm so broken and I don't even know why. Even when I'm trying to be cheerful, it's this massive effort and never lasts long. The backlash from holding in my feelings is always massive, and I just end up sadder than when I started. And then it leaks out and affects others and makes them sad, too. And then they leave.
I don't even want friendships anymore, but everyone's the same. Everyone. They all start out interested, telling me how I seem sweet and really kind, and some can't believe I don't have any friends, but then in a month we're barely even talking to each other because I'm such a boring and depressive train wreck of a human being. I try not to be. I try initiating conversations. I try to be friendly. I try to be forward with people and up front. But I just get punished for it. I thought since you were introverted as well, N, maybe you would understand. But you didn't, even though you kept saying you would. Kept saying you didn't think I was boring, or depressing, or any of the negative things I saw in myself and tried to warn you about so early on to just avoid this whole thing before it could even start. But you kept insisting that you didn't see it, that it wasn't there, that this time things would be different. In the end, you were just like everybody else.
That's honestly the worst part. I thought for some reason that you would understand me, because you kept saying you would, but it turned out you didn't care at all. After weeks of being there for you through so many of your emotional twists and turns, I tried to talk to you about something that was bothering me and you just ignored me completely. Cold and distant within a month, just like every other friendship and relationship. I want to die just thinking about this. Everyone. Everyone I've met. Men, women, friendships, relationships. I try to give people their space, to let them just be themselves, while remaining available emotionally and they all end up leaving me as soon as someone more interesting comes along. I can't DO it anymore. I thought you'd be a better friend than this. I put so much hope into what we had because we'd gotten along so well, and now I just feel like a huge idiot for falling into the same trap again. Why did I EVER think someone like me could have anything nice with another person? Why did I even bother putting myself out there again.
It's just easier being alone.
Maybe I'll finally get a cat.
Dear, T, B, K, A, E, C, I and P
I'm sorry the way I acted awkwardly when I went to your shows and how I stalked you guys at school. It was until now that I've fully realized how uncomfortable as to what I could be thinking behind my resting bitch face and scowl. To be honest I always found you guys to be the coolest people in high school and I always wanted to be part of your group but I didn't know how to express it. It was beyond selfish of me to ruin your guys fun and I hope you haven't been playing as many shows because of me. You guys are the coolest ever and don't forget that and while i'm not entitled of your time and I will never go to any of your shows again so you guys can let loose and have fun again. You guys are an inspiration and i'm deeply sorry if I caused even an moment of emotional distress.
IM REALLY SORRRY IM SO FUCKED UP OKAY IT WASNT MY FAULT AND NOW THAT IVE MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE I CANT EVEN DATE YOU im sorry that i chose not to heal. im sorry that i dont believe ill ever get better. but look at you, you have a fucking job, a house, you were even engaged in february. im nowhere close to where you are right now in life and im afraid that you will leave me like everyone else does. and i know that you will.
I really wanted to be your friend and get to know you. I was too much of a coward… and a jerk. I was dealing with mental and home issues, but that's not an excuse. I "liked" you in that way too, I'm sorry I said otherwise. I wanted to appear callous and indifferent, mostly because I was confused and didn't think I deserved to know you. You're insanely smart, more-so than I'll ever be, and my whole life I prided myself on being the smart one, it made me insecure and jealous. The girls you liked were both smart, and beautiful, and they were that way what seemed effortlessly. I barely scraped through my AP classes, and later high school and life in general. My weight soared, my acne was hell, and I just lacked any confidence whatsoever.
When you asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I was caught off-guard and couldn't muster a believable answer because I was thinking of suicide. The way you spoke with passion about your love for aerospace, like a child, despite you showing clear signs of depression, tells me I can make it out of my situation and figure out what Iove too. But I only realize this years later, looking back, after having met an extremely covert narcissist who's friendship relied heavily on how well I could ignore my own needs. It's the thought of being surrounded by people like you that motivates me. You've been friends with your circle since a small child, and you work so hard to keep it that way. You know every detail about most people, and accept them as they are; you have such an empathetic heart. I want to have our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders as we talk for hours; I want to share our success and struggles; someday, if time and chemistry permit, wake up every morning to you, with our child sleeping between us.
I want to be the best version of myself I can manage, even if it's not much, and maybe in some 1 in a 1,000,000 chance we might see each other again, and you can see me for who I am, not the mental illness I was struggling with. I know this is just a silly fantasy, but that's what makes life worth living, and I don't want to feel ashamed of that anymore. I'm tired of wearing that mask, so I'll take it off and admit things I never wanted to:
I miss you.
You say you love me but.. you don't, do you?
I've loved you, I've been obsessed with everything you say and do, hanging onto every word for so long.
I can't make you love me.
I think it's time to let go.
from your A
Spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer…
To the girl in my after-school elementary/middle-school art class:
I don't even remember your name, but I was amazed at your immaculate knowledge of Sailor Moon (I was in 4th grade and only knew the dub). You had amazing handwriting and could copy typesets with amazing accuracy. I made fun of you with my friends, but actually I wanted to be closer to you. I didn't have the words to describe the feeling at the time, but I had a huge crush on you.
I wonder if you're here, too?
– You wouldn't know my name anyway
I should’ve been kinder to you in your last days in the hospice, even though seeing your crackly skin and disconnected, otherworldly gaze always tied the knot in my throat. But I can’t afford to let you see me cry when you were going to make the trip to the other side. I had to appear happy for you in the day when you were mulling over the many relationships you had in the past, and the people who died whom you would reconnect with. Strangely enough, even when you used to tell me all those stories about your mom throwing plates at your face, pulling your hair, screaming at the top of her lungs at 2 AM, you still wanted to see her. You had a really rough life. I should’ve given you more than I did.
I’ll admit, it’s hard not to cry when you see a person half-dead with pus seeping out of the mouth, smelling stale and metallic and have the most trivial conversation. I tried to come as often as I could muster emotionally. I don’t know if that was enough for you. At that point when I cared enough to wonder, I could never find out. I’m sorry. You’re in a better place, being treated how you deserve to.
I fucking love you, but our consequences really piss me off. I get jealous whenever you mention having a close call with another girl, but I can’t do jack shit. Your girlfriend is sweeter than apple pie, and I love her, but she can’t stop talking about you and her times with you, which also sets off the envy. It’s fine – I’ll wait for the feelings to pass.
You’re kind of a creep, but I sometimes think of you and I want to talk to you for 5 hours like we used to in the good old days. You’re really cute, too, but we can’t be together for reasons we both understand. I wish you all the best and not to be too sad about your situation, you figure things out like this really quickly. I’m actually only writing this because we haven’t had a heart-to-heart in a while. I just miss you, man. Maybe I’m not over it yet even, but what can I do?
I know you like to use and abuse your freedom, but the people you hang out with are boring and aimless junkies, and you know it. Fuck, there are drug addicts who are at least fun, creative, batshit crazy, and if you want, I know some – however, spice users are never that. You’re above them, and you deserve to know people on your wavelength who are as smart as you are. I can’t see you often because I don't visit your city that much, but believe me when I say I wish I understood how you approach people with such careless ease. It really does boggle me that you have this ability most people try to obtain in the span of years while it just comes naturally to you, yet you throw it away on a bf who would sell you for a 10g bag of dope. You really can do better. Get a sense of self-worth, and half your problems will be solved. I guaran-fucking-tee
Hope you're doing OK and that that shitty prick of a boss isn't taking out his anger on you after he fired me from work. Try to remember you're only there to work yourself up further in life, and that one day they will have to answer to you, not you to them.
It makes me feel at least a little bit better that no matter what kind of bullshit he may have made up about me to everyone else after I left, that there's someone who won't believe that crap. I've known you since 6th grade after all, and we were practically best friends, though we may have increasingly drifted away from eachother as the years went by.
It's unfortunate that because of losing this job, I'll most likely have to go back to not seeing you at all anymore (I doubt you want to hang out anymore, since you seemed to reject me out of not wanting to, before. Not to mention now that you work-full time your schedule doesn't allow for it.)
I want to tell you I'm sorry if I embarrassed you at work, as well. Since you're the one who referred me to that job. Whether or not finally standing up to that guy who treated me like shit, the way I did, was right or not, I should have remembered that he seemed to have started treating you poorly as well, so the way I reacted to him was probably selfish. I just couldn't hold it in anymore and he had pushed me past a breaking point…I didn't want to keep being the pushover I had been my whole life. I hope you understand.
Now, I'm not going back to being a full NEET, since I'm still completing classes (So I hope you don't find me such a complete loser, in that regard…lol) but I hope there is a better future paved our way, for the both of us. I hope you can get into the police academy, like you told me you're planning to. I hope I can fulfill my dreams of becoming a JP-EN translator. And screw that vile old bastard, as well as all those other terrible people at that dead-end job. Let's keep pushing for our dreams and not get trapped in such misery.
Even if we never talk again, even if we never physically see eachother again, I just want you to know this.
Thank you for supporting me and how much you've done for me all those years. I still hope I can return it to you, one day. No matter how immersed in my own issues I get, you're still the one person I feel the most obligated to in my life.
I miss you. Some days I miss you less than the others, some days I don't think about you at all. I don't want you to be back, I don't want you to keep suffering because of me, because of the way I am. I do want you back but only for a moment, just so you can know how terribly sorry I am for hurting you. I have no way of reaching you since you did to me what I've done to everyone I've ever met online and that's okay, I deserve it. But I would like you to know that I didn't hurt you on purpose, that I am very sorry. Your memory has been strong recently because I dreamed about you, I dreamed I found a way to reach you and in that dream I was aware it was a dream, I was aware I'd wake up and I wouldn't know how to get in touch with you. I want to apologize, I've been wanting to apologize for over 250 days, and I know those days will become a year soon because you won't come back and I respect that. I'm very sorry. I am. I've been trying to not commit the same mistakes again but knowing I hurt you so bad and I have no way of apologizing, I don't think that will ever leave me alone. And I accept that too. It's okay. I just wish I had one or two more minutes with you to say I'm sorry.
Dear A. D.
I still wonder how things would be if we were still together. I wanted to remain as your friend.
I loved you so much it made me sick in the head. I'll always wonder if we could have worked out, if I hadn't been so fucked up by everything that happened before I met you. Love in and of itself messes me up - I don't know how to separate it from psychosis. I'm sorry I was so horrible to deal with after we broke up and I hope you're happy with her. Distance and time have restored my sanity. I'll always love you, a little. Even if I don't deserve to. I hope someday you can forgive me.
I'm sorry I ended up ghosting you. You're very cute and a nice guy but I just keep doing this to everyone, even my best friend of 8 years. Truthfully my feelings towards you are odd in that I know we could never date yet when we had coffee those two times it was as if I got a glance of what my life could be like if I wasn't such a weirdo haha. You're a very boisterous person and though it tires me I find it endearing.
I did pick up on you hinting at wanting to be gym partners by the way. I'm sorry about not taking that bait either. Having someone as outgoing and athletic as you potentially liking me is truly frightening. Truthfully I'm not actually attracted to you and I feel as if I'd just disappoint you anyway. I'm not as intelligent as I seem and I'm a depressing person to be around, while you deserve someone who can match your energy. I know you made it a point to say that you seek out shy people to lift them up (which is very cute) but manic pixie dream tropes don't work in real life. Unfortunately I'm an introverted curmudgeon and I'll just end up with others of a similar disposition.
In the end I'm not sure what to say when I actually reply to you as I know I'll have to if I want to start using my account again. Probably none of this.
I saw that you broke up with your girlfriend and I'm sorry about that. I at least hope you can get into culinary school as you wanted and have lots of friends to enjoy your youth together with.
I realize on the surface level we seemed like similar people which is probably why this confused you, but I absolutely meant what I said. I am not a person who has friends, while you desire them despite struggling to obtain them.
It was fun while it lasted though. I lastly want you to know that I caught most of your lies. But I still wish you the best, I know you struggle with mental health and personality disorder issues.
I've already written two posts about you in this thread, it's embarrassing. But I wonder where you are and how you're doing after that recent health scare. R hasnt made a post about you though so I'm assuming you're doing fine wrt that, perhaps less so your mental health.
But now I wonder, did you end up working for your mother? Or are you still chasing the art dream? Or are you still NEETing? You never update anymore so I'll never know. I guess you've reached your dreams of being a mysterious and quiet artist. It's a bit sad for me now since I loved you for your openness and way with words, although I guess I've cut my own damn self off of being able to view them. I'm doing fine, finished my first year at uni and am beefier, more feminine, and somewhat better artistically than when we last chatted. I haven't cut since that September either.
If we lived in the same city I think it would have worked, you know. I loved you a lot and was honoured that you even considered me romantically, I thought I was just a convenient person for you to talk at honestly haha. I regularly consider how it would have been if I replied to that message from last year.
I'm still sorry about my issues regarding friendships through social media though. If you ever read this post you'll see this is a running theme in my life. Maybe someday I'll actually contact you. Maybe.
I'm so sorry you're alone tonight. Even if you're with a person physically, I know you, you're my best friend, and I know you're alone at heart. I haven't been alone in years, because I have him.
I knew he would want you, every boy you've met always has. I knew you'd want him too, because even since he and I have been married, other womens' eyes follow him everywhere. They look at me, as if to say, "what is a man like that doing with a woman like her?" But I don't care. He loves me and that's never going to change.
You don't have someone to love you. And before you ever met him, I knew he could. I'm not special. He's a man who loves naturally, completely, because it's his nature to love. And if I had brought him to our apartment, and you had met him before we could begin a relationship, you could have taken him from me as easily as tying your shoes. I knew that, which is why I told you before he and I were even dating that I really liked him, that he was off limits. No flirting, no even thinking about it. You agreed, what did you care? There were other boys.
Then you saw him.
Then you saw how he treated me once we started dating.
You've had plenty of boys since then, but none like him, and I know how much it hurts you, as strong as our friendship is, to see a man love me the way you've never been able to get one to love you. You see, it's not you, not really. Men are generally terrible, and I just got lucky and got one of the good ones. You're just unlucky. And that's why you're alone tonight and I'm about to walk upstairs and snuggle up with the man I'll spend the rest of my nights with.
I know you wish you could have him. You told me once, when we got drunk together. Maybe you were so drunk you don't remember. Maybe you don't want to remember. Maybe you know it and I know it but we both know we're better off not talking about.
You're my best friend, and I love you, but he'll always be mine. If I could clone him and give you a copy, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't. So I won't. So you'll go to bed alone tonight, and I'll go to bed with my husband, and we'll both go on never speaking about the fact that the one time I called "dibs" on a boy turned out to be the one time it mattered.
What the fuck. You are sitting on a grenade.
If you aren't just stroking your ego and exaggerating how great your husband is… It's not a good idea to keep a friend around that is jealous of you having him after this long.
You think friendships matter til a jealous bitch sees you and your husband going through a rough patch and sees an opening. A woman from my husband's work that we both became friends with WHO I ASKED TO BE MY MAID OF HONOR pulled this shit after I told her we were fighting and possibly going to postpone the wedding.
Over the next month my now husband sent me screenshots of her saying shit on their work Skype like "you two should think about getting a pre-nup due to her anger problems" and "I wish I had a cloning machine so I could have one of you of my own…"
Ugh sorry it just brought back bad memories, just be careful and keep your guard up
Oh my gosh that sounds awful, what a terrible "friend" :( I'm so sorry that happened.
I (>>27087) was NTA, but was curious what aspect of it you found most concerning.
It's probably good advice to tell her to keep her guard up, but I do think that friends can be simultaneously jealous and respectful. My best friend was very jealous of me when I got into a school we both applied to, but she was always super positive and happy for me too and spent time and money to come visit me. I think it just depends on the friend. I guess with a guy it's different because you can't take a friend's spot at a school but you can take their bf.
Ugh it's fine. Obviously we are no longer friends and I think it brought us closer together in the end.
TBH I'm probably just overly paranoid now but it fucks you up having someone you completely trust treat you like that. It's not like I don't allow him to have female friends on work/Discord but gosh it's hard not to be worried sometimes, but ultimately I trust him.
Am I the only one who feels like anon seems like a terrible friend? I can't imagine thinking of a best friend in such a smug way.
I didn't mean to hurt you, I never wanted to. I grew less interested in you but put those feelings aside so I could be the person in your life you always wanted. Everything I did for you, the way I acted, the way I made you laugh, the way I comforted you when you needed it the most was selfish. I acted towards you in the way I wish someone acted towards me when I needed help. It was and wasn't genuine, it's a feeling I can't explain well.
When you finally asked me if I was only with you because I felt bad for you that night after your friends told me that they haven't seen you this happy before, the answer left my mouth before I could have time to react. It must have broken you when I said yes, because you left right after in tears and that's the last time we ever talked. I'm so fucking sorry, I should have been open with how I felt, I thought reaching out again would make it worse, and I hope you're with someone better and have gotten over all the problems you were going through. I hope the next guy you're with's feelings don't fade away and if they do, they do a bad job of hiding it.
Wishing you the best,
ear Slim, I never wrote you or been calling
My name ain't Stan son nah we've never met and
My name's KJ let me begin by introducing now
Myself to you and these very reasons I'll be writing
Why I took my time the who what where and why and
The purpose of my verse and the reasons I'm reciting
What I hope your learning from the truth I pray your finding
And every word I'm writing down upon the dotted lines and
See I heard ya first album it was called infinite
I shook my head cause nowadays you sounding different
What drove ya to take your whole persona and be flipping it
Now what makes a man totally change see I ain't getting it
See was you sick of getting booed when you was ripping it
And sick of never having dough and you wanted to put an end to it
What good's all kinds of dough, plus all kinds of flow?
To gain a world of fans but suffer the loss of soul
I don't know why you keep disappearing like that. Also I know when you're lying to me, it's kind of both sad and sweet seeing you try to hide all the parts of you that are white lies. I wish you'd see that telling the truth and being real with me won't hurt you, and would be healthy for both of us, even if the truth is unpleasant.
I know you're going through some tough mental issues no matter how hard you try to hide it. It doesn't excuse poorer behavior and one day I won't be here, I just won't have the energy for you and the awesome connection that we have (or that I thought we had) will be for nothing. Sad day.
W…what letter does your friend's name start with ano?
lmao you guys
K (Not being mean, literally the letter K, when anglicized.) Her actual name is in Chinese. Not surprised how prevalent ghosting is
Be good to your friends yall
i really fucking hate how much you hurt me. i have tried to forgive you, move on, and heal, but each time we have spoken it feels as though it is happening all over again. i wish you still loved me, cared for me, needed me. you really, really hurt me. i feel so used. you were always there and you just grew distant and had no problem leaving me to rot. that stung. i am so angry and upset at the world. i feel so depressed. i do not want to live, i feel disgusting. i wish i never depended on you, i was naive to do so. i wish i never let you hurt me as you did. i wish you could feel a sliver of what this feels like, but i know that isnt fair to say. i know i cant ever really know how you feel. im sorry if i was never good enough for you, but i really tried to be, but i think in the end im not really good enough for anyone. im sorry i had to burden you when we were together. i know that wasnt okay. i wish i knew what to say but i dont. im just hurting a lot and i want it to end. i dont think i deserve this.
You have every right to block me. I can't be there for you anymore.
Not a day has gone by without you plaguing my thoughts. I wish you told me how serious it really was, I would've dropped everything immediately to be by your side. I wish I was able to hold your hand one last time, and say goodbye properly even though you hate sentimentality. Maybe that's why you didn't tell me. I haven't said anything to anyone here what happened to you. I know they'd let me off the hook to go be with my family, but I have to finish. Staying busy is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I can't even cry anymore, it feels like I've drained myself of all of my tears. When this is over, I'll be there to tell your mom I'm sorry, to help her and your sister with anything they need. I'll bring sunflowers for you.
I've barely slept, but when I do sleep, all I do is dream about you. But in my dreams we're little kids again, on the beach, collecting seashells and building sandcastles. I remember when you found that sunset colored seashell and gave it to me. I wish I still had it.
There is no one more deserving of a long, happy life than you. I would give anything to take your place so you could live free and healthy. But life is unfair.
If God exists, we'll be reunited.
I got nothing to get off my chest that I haven't already moved on from already for the most part.
But today, something came up and blew up in my father's face that I told him a long time ago and it makes me sad it had to get to this point. I can see my father is afraid for his job and angry as well but still angry for the wrong reasons.
>tl;dr He has an anger problem, and does not handle stress with grace, I saw this while working with him and I just see it in his home life. And every time I try to call him out on his flaws, or something that is very wrong and bad that he does, he takes the high ground about how he's the provider of the home, ect, you don't know how hard my life is, and all this other trash to try to high road me as if everything I say is invalid. I gave up as a teen to care for his health, he shown he has no care to live a healthy lifestyle if it means makes their child happy. That why he didn't give up beer, and that's why he's still an angry man today.
Today an employee was confronted about his inability to attend work for many months, this is like going unto month 5 and they can't keep holding an empty seat from him. He kinda threw my father and the work environment under the bus, which is filled with rage, anger, yelling and in general a HR nightmare to deal with if any of these people decided to lawyer up about the unsafe work environment emotionally. But truth is all of them kind of buckled down by lead and act out in anger in their own gross ways now and it is the single most toxic work environment I've ever seen in my life. So he realized after leaving there, that working there sucks dick, and he never wants to work inside that building again, he wants to work externally instead with these reasons. So now HR is finally aware of the toxic work environment that is the branch my father runs, his arrogance and his "I just say things the way I see them." attitude is going to fuck him full force in the next coming days. And I actually feel bad for him because if he wasn't such a god damn ass hat the fall wouldn't have to impact me to the point where I'll have to work a job I can't if he gets fired to make ends meet. I just want to so bad, so so bad sit there and tell him "Remember all of those things I said as a teen where being this angry isn't good? This is why I said it, but you acted like you were better than me. A fucking teenager told you better life advice that would have saved you from this, but instead you shat all over me and disregarded what I said because I'm your child and thus must not know anything at all. This is the cost of not listening to others and realizing this was an issue along with your alcoholism. Are you going to wake up now or are you going to keep doing this? I have laid quiet as your anger as costed you friendships, lawsuits that involved me, and now your job. When is it going to be enough to realize this isn't fucking healthy, that you are the problem, not everyone else." I would now but I know I'd just get kicked out of the house or he would destroy all my nice shit which I can't replace at the moment.
The reason I'm afraid he will get fired is if the rest of the office turns on him and actually admit all the angry shit he does. He will either get demoted, or straight out fired. I assume fired because he's even shown his inability to be tactful and polite among higher management. To the point where during an upper management gathering he went up to another manager and said "oh man you look horrible" with no context as to if he's ill or not. Luckily he was but even HR said "You can't just say that to someone else." and he just rebuttals with "What? I say what I see, the guy doesn't look good." Like somehow it's okay. So HR already knows he's bad with this stuff. Like I said I really hope they give him a smack on the wrist, tell him to go to anger management and if it keeps happening they fire him kinda thing.
I am in a place where I'm trying to support and care for my mother while living with my father and I can't juggle that and a job ATM so being forced to get a job will def make things harder on me and all for the sake of him not listening to me and high roading me by saying he's better than me. I guess I don't really worry for him as much because he had it coming, but now it's put me in a bad place too because he was too arrogant to accept that maybe his kid knew something about him that was very bad. I don't know. I hate this and I've lived in this awful home for so long I don't know what's right to feel. If I should even feel bad for him or not or if it's just a worry for how this will impact me. This sucks.
I wonder how transparent I am. If you can tell i go so far to portray that I'm emotionless because i'm extremely sensitive. If you could tell im nervous around you when we hang out in person and not that really that autistic and unfunny. If you could tell that i liked you, and that's why you pulled away. If that's what that was it worked and I resent you a lot now. For how much you like to purport yourself as "direct" and "confrontational" it makes me wonder what i did not get told to cool it, instead of what did happen which was you making yourself harder to reach and me accepting your excuses very dumbly because I was addicted to talking to you.
you threw in "insecure" as a descriptor for yourself last time we hung out with what seemed like sly emphasis. Please do not make others a victim of your insecurity. Early on you gave me the classic "you probably hate me" and "i don't understand why you want to hangout with me" which I can only take as a expression of your own subconscious dislike of me. I know you to be an intuitive person, and it's not exactly subtle that I sought you out to talk to daily and went out of my way to show a lot more effort than you made sure to show to me. I want to give you some credit and some agency. I know you're not some "boy." so the only way I can take you doing that shit and continually falling through on our plans and arrangements is that you want this friendship to die out.
It makes me fucking sad to endure this whole thing. I've cried a lot over this whole situation truthfully. I recognize its unfair of me to want something romantic when you could be truly "not into me" but fuck I wish you were or I wish you at least ever thought to show me I was valuable to you through your actions. I don't want to do this whole "bro" phase I can see you're moving me into based on the message you just sent me about how you met someone nice who you've been spending all your time with recently. It seems like you just want something light and airy and uncomplicated, romantically and platonically perhaps also. I felt abandoned by you the second after I got "heavy" for the first time and every time since then. I doubted myself at first because if you had gone to such lengths do describe your own journey with feeling abandoned and your sense of justice, so how could you be consciously doing that to me? but it seems like you don't examine yourself that much.
I am tired of blaming myself for things. I am tired of writing out "it's no problem" after you leave me on read for a week. I miss how often we would talk when we first met each other. I can't wait till I stop wanting to go back to that with you and meet someone else to have that with.
See you soon probably.
why not i guess
do you still like me? actually, have you ever liked me??? i feel like you dont care, i was one of your bf right? why do you care about t more? if i had problems i always told you, no one else, you were the one i trusted the most. why you dont want to go out with me, am i too clingy? i know t is better than me but why cant you go out with me at least once? you know i feel alone all the time, ive told you that.
i hate you
Go on, you can blame it all on me. Tell them how it's all my fault. Leave out how abusive you are, how you put me down everytime we fight.
Tell everyone how I 'made you feel like shit' even though I'm the one always trying to adjust and fix the relationship because you always break up with me.
Do it, I'll take all the blame, even though I can't take it anymore. That's what I'm good at anyway, being life's punching bag. The world's laughingstock.
It's been almost a year since you cut all contact with me, and I, the fool, can't help but think about you. Not in the way I used to think about you, how I would pine over that tiny sliver of my life in which you were mine and I was yours and we were no one else's. Instead I just wonder what you've been up to, who you are now. I know I've changed a lot, I've grown a lot, some for the better, but mostly for the worse. I wonder how you've fared these past 12 months. I wonder what's new with you. It's as if, for 21 years, I had a little spring in my head, and since you've left, it's just been bouncing around. You've unlocked a secret power I didn't know I had. I can go to anyone now that I have the power, but I don't want to. I don't love anyone, I can't even begin to imagine what I could love in a human. I can't imagine loving anyone like I loved you. Now I don't even love you, and that's the worst part. I don't know what I love anymore. If I knew, I could find it. If I could find it, maybe I'd be happy. If I could be happy, then maybe I'd be able to do good in this world, and if I could do that, then maybe I'd have some legacy, or at least some purpose.
sad pepe in train …
you can't even comprhend what are your presence doing to me and my life. You remind me of my father so much. My father was never a good one, or a good husband. You two are fun free spirits.
I know you think you love me, but I know your type, you'll be ok if we never talk to eachother again, that would make a fun nostalgic story you'll be telling yourself.
Even though I know that you respect me more than your other girls.Even want me more. And that's why I can't be with you. I'll be in need to change you. And you're just so beautifull the way you are. Just not for me and the life I'm trying to build now.
I was just like you once though. Maybe then, we would make a great wild young couple going crazy through the citylights, God we'd me so handsome together. I dream that dream every night, it's a good one. I may never stop dreaming it.
''Got your bible, got your gun
And you like to party and have fun
And I like my candy and your women
I'm finally happy now that you're gone
Got my little red party dress on
Everybody knows that I'm the best
Get a little bit of Bourbon in 'ya
Get a little bit suburban
And go crazy
Because you're young, you're wild, you're free
You're dancing circles around me
You're fucking crazy
Oh, you're crazy for me''
I’m writing this to try to get my mind off some bad things. It’s gonna be in English because, as you might remember, it’s easier for me express myself in that language (weird right?).
The truth is, I’ve been feeling pretty bad since our meeting (I was hoping it’s gonna be a date but our plans clearly conflicted on that part). And the reason for that is that once again I am reminded what a worthless, pathetic person I am. At first I was a little bit shocked by how much you are different in real life from the image I had of you based on us changing messages. You turned out to be such a lively, expressive, wild (in the best possible way) person. And I always feel pretty awkward around people like that. And even more that that, that awkwardness was multiplied by how constricted I feel around new people.
To tell you the truth at first your liveliness and expressivity was pretty offputting to me and I was thinking that I would have to endure and cringe through the rest of our walk. But that quickly passed and for the most part I started to enjoy listening to you. You talked VERY much and at times it was hard to get a word in. And because of that and my nervousness I think that I didn’t manage to prove myself as an interesting conversation partner. Even more than that, I believe I have been rude to you and offended you on more than one occasion.
Please understand that it was only a product of my own anxiety and my eagerness to seem interesting and engaging. Even so I apologize and I will do my best to never cause such discomfort to people.
Now to the part why meeting you made me feel bad. Of course the reason for that is NOT something you did. It was the contrast and the difference I felt between me and you. You just seemed like such a lovely energetic person with so many good things going on in your life and a bright future ahead of you. While I am just a shy reserved loser with no friends, no money, no interesting stories to tell and no future. I’ve been friendless for probably like 7 years now and I never had a romantic experience in my life. I feel so pathetic and inferior to other people in all the ways that matter. I hate myself. I don’t know how to make things right and if it’s even possible at this point. I have very little hope for my future. Things just don’t go the way I would like them to in any way. I’m clearly broken in some way and I’m not sure that I have the skill or strength to repair myself.
I think that after all I enjoy human contact, even if very often I dislike new people at first. But I have nobody to keep me company. And with you I feel like I don’t deserve seeing you anymore because you are a much better person than me by a large margin. Also during our walk I tried to muster enough courage to initiate physical contact with you, but even the attempts that could be considered as innocent you disapproved of (I think). God, I am such a lowly, socially inept coward…
Sorry for all that incoherent mumbling and sorry for being a bad person and sorry for the time you wasted on me.
Must suck seeing someone you apparently started to hate out of jealousy or spite (could never tell which) succeed the more time passes. I see you blocking every mutual we have. Must suck approaching your forties and nowhere in your life while I'm younger and doing well. Must suck to be you. Fuck Yeah I'm gloating. You were such a cunt, not just to me but in hindsight to so many people, all because you couldn't handle not being better than everyone.
I once looked up to you. Good thing you proved yourself to be nothing before I got sucked into thinking you weren't. My disappointment in you is endless.
Seriously, stop asking our mutual friend to send me your messages. I blocked you for a reason. Besides you were the one who wanted to break up and move on, I just wanted a break. Do you even realize all the things you put me through when we were together?
You probably don't. You love playing the victim and I know you're gonna tell everyone how toxic and manipulative I was. Sure.
God I hate you. I hope I never see you again.
I love you. You're a talented, smart, beautiful girl, one of the likes the world has never before seen. I miss you more than anything else in the world, and knowing that the time I spend unable to be close to you will be time I'll never be able to recover. But I don't need to fear, because I know you will flower into a mature, wise, powerful woman, no matter what route in life you wish to take. I will do my best possible to support you, guide you, and cheer for you. No matter what.
I cant wait for the day we will see each other again,
You have no idea how much I miss you…
I miss you Bea, please let's be friends again like before.
I wish you weren't so dramatic, I actually liked talking to you
I cherish every minute I spend with you. And yes, I made a lot of mistakes because I'm a retard, but I wish you wouldn't put all blame on me and understand your fault.
In the end, we are not compatible anyway… Still, thank you.
I can't shake the feeling that you've begun looking past me, at others.
you did a pretty good job during the past few weeks. I am still confused, I am still flattered ~~and horny as fuck~~ and I don't want you to stop.
It was a bad, bad idea and I'm really upset that I was that immature to tell you everything.
But I want to thank you anyways, it meant a lot to me.
I wish you the best,
Back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up kek, you know your claims are unambiguously dishonest and despite your considerable butthurt no one has treated you particularly wrong or lied to you or even tried to be anything but accommodating. It's understandable that your feelings are hurt because you were still pining after your ex who now is dating someone hot and yes better than you in every way, but now you twist the story to make it seem like you were cruelly betrayed and lied to and everyone owes you endless grovelling, and you're part of some extremely fucked up story of human misery where no one has ever suffered like you. My dude.
I remember your smell and your arms, especially when you were sweaty. Wish I could cuddle up in your freezing room again and smell your neck and feel your shoulders around me. Nights are pretty cold still but now I don't have your furnace of a body to hold.
I know your last girlfriend passed away. You always said that 'we shouldn't speak ill of the dead', and with all the respect you had for the those who passed, was that all because of her? I heard you talking to her once when you were drunk, she seems like a nice person.
I wish you told me more about the things that bothered you but I can understand why you didn't. Our pains are our burden alone to carry right? I miss the stupid shit you used to say, all archaic and traditional. I could do with your sense of honour though, things have been feeling a little unstable since we parted. I still dream about the stories you used to tell me. Till Valholl
I miss you, a lot,
I don’t know if I’m really in love with you or if I’m just lonely. I just got sucked in by how fast it was all going. I’m sorry all the lies went too far.
You think I’m great now but just wait a couple more months. I’m much too
mercurial to love you the way you want to be loved. I feel evil leading you on like this but at the same time I want to keep the facade up so your life can feel a little more bearable. I wish i could hold you.
Everything you say to me makes me feel so dizzy but I don’t know. I don’t think I can love you or love anyone.
This breaks my heart, it reads exactly like how the love of my life justified her experiences before she went ahead and broke my heart. She's so sweet and incomparably bright but seemed to have this innate need to think ill of herself, her over controlling, borderline abusive parents who criticized her every move didn't help, ultimately ended up doing some fucked up things.
Damn, S, if you're out there, I still wish you your best life. Just I know that it's not healthy for me to be a part of it until you figure out what you need to do.
It hasn’t hit you yet, but you’re gonna miss me when you realize I’m permanently gone from your life. I was the only person you had. You only have yourself to blame.
Dear Grandma E,
I love you so much and have always loved you but now you have dementia and the world isn't real to you anymore. I always intended to come back and know you as an adult instead of just as a child and teem like how I last knew you, but I put it off and put it off. Why do I feel these emotions so strongly and seemingly so genuinely yet can't bring myself to do anything? I love you but you're not there anymore. The secrets of my birth and early life are lost forever now, why didn't I do something? Why am I not able to do something now, even if it would only just be a shadow? Would I act differently if I had infinite money? I'm sorry grandma I love you. I hope heaven is real and that you go there, even though I'm quite sure it's not. After you're gone and she's gone I won't have anything in the future. What deep care and love could I possibly attain? So in the end I probably won't even be able to "do better next time" because there won't be a next time. I won't just die without family, I'll live a long life without it, and perhaps also without affection.
I'm really really sorry.
I think most of the other non mean spirited posts here should be sent to the person they're about, but what good would come from me saying sny of this? You might get confused and not understand, or maybe worse, sad. I think a lot of people try to cope by remembering that they have a future, and I think most people here and elsewhere that say they don't have a future are wrong, but for me I really don't think I do have an emotional future. What good is moderate financial success and moderate achievement of non-romantic life goals without loved ones? Friends are simply not the same.
I don't think I told you much about J all those years ago when you were still you and still all there but looking back I think she was the worst influence of my life. Worse than my ugliness. Maybe on par with my injury.
Again, I love you and will strive not to be such a retard with C. I just wish so badly that it mattered more.
I have watched you for awhile, like a creep. When we met you were in the closet and I assumed you didn’t like me like that despite the flirting. When you came out and broke up with your boyfriend I tried to find a way to be yours. You found someone else almost immediately: him, and my jealousy only grew. I would reassure myself it would never last. He is short, skinny, and ugly while you’re beautiful and perfect. He is an uneducated idiot who can barely hold his various minimum wage jobs while you’re literally the best person at yours. Then he proposed to you, with some ugly squarecut ring that looks like it doesn’t belong on your hand that you’re parading around like it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.
Essentially, the reason why I wrote this is that I always loved you, I was just too afraid to say because I thought you were straight when you wanted me. Now it’s too late and you’re going to marry a man that doesn’t deserve you.
Lol U r in love a homo? You are lucky you weren't infected with HIV by him
She's clearly talking about a (bisexual) woman.
You will never make anyone feel as safe and cared for as I feel when he holds me. At night he always pulls me close to his chest if I'm not right there, and smiles in his sleep and gives me small kisses when I hug him. My heart bursts every time at how instinctively he just wants to hold and protect me, and how it's even possible to feel so loved. We can hardly watch movies because our conversations are too much fun and a much better use of the popcorn. We can also hardly watch movies because we can't keep our hands off each other. He notices new things about me every day that he loves and both tells and shows it, and he helps me when I'm overwhelmed without me ever having to ask, even when he's tired or stressed out himself.
You on the other hand want it more than anything, but you know you don't have what it takes to satisfy anyone romantically, sexually, socially, or intellectually. To cope, you pretend to have hidden depths of emotion and thought that sane and fun people lack (but talking to you is like getting to know a wet piece of cardboard), and unique insights into all these unconscious psychological patterns in other people and why they're not as happy as they think they are (my boyfriend, siblings, and ex all laughed at your assessments, and the YouTube videos and confabulations they're based on). You claim to be better at anyone in communication and honesty, but you explain contradictory reasons for your actions in endless circles and lie whenever necessary about even the most basic things in this grating whiney voice of yours. What's worse, you are so automatic with your rationalizations that you don't even seem to be conscious about the lies yourself. Whenever busted, either you ignore everything and keep talking, or this specific lie was just an anomaly. You cry and yell about how much effort you put into honesty even around difficult topics, so it's not fair to judge you based on individual lies. The entitlement you feel to people's trust is baffling.
You have pressured and threatened me for months with your obsessive bullshit and tried to gaslight me into breaking up, but I only really hate you since last weekend - because apparently you still don't see anything wrong in lying to my friends, and especially because of your fucking comments about my past, when you know full well what I went through. I know it probably isn't good for me and I guess it'll blow over soon, but currently the resentment is incredibly rewarding because of the bleak future you will have dealing with your neuroses, deep apathy, and irreparable social dysfunction. Even your closest friends both expressed to my bf and I that they're sick and tired of talking to you. It also helps that you look like an amphibian swamp creature with sickly jaundiced spaghetti limbs and eyebags bulging with regret and misery. Good luck with whoever you choose to stalk and harass next, hope she will be a bit less charitable a bit sooner than me.
2 years later and still makes me cry. Having to regret not married with the love of my life would make me miserable. I hope you are better and loved by a good person wherever you are now, anon.
It's been years, and I still haven't forgiven you for abandoning me. You backstabbed me, called me a slut/whore, and never once bothered to see things from my perspective. Your "boyfriend" took advantage of an underage, traumatized me and you took HIS side? And you wondered why I was so passive aggressive to you? I didn't even know he was taken. I wasn't even the only teen he went after. Why the obsession with me all that time? You're really that insecure that you played pick-me with a predator. Great.
I hate you more than words can describe. To be honest I was happy he got obsessed with me because I knew it would cause you pain. It almost makes his stalking, his creepiness towards me, all the worth.
If it wasn't for you he'd be behind bars. To this day I get messages from him, in my twenties. It's no longer worth it. I want this all to be over. I want to forget any of this ever happened to me.
I hate you so much. I'll never forgive you for leaving me when I needed you and letting him do
as he pleased.
Does your current "lefty" friend group know that you forced me to be your girlfriend and forced yourself on me multiple times or is that a touchy subject? I'd love to know.
Stop stalking my blog. And do something about that drinking problem and mommy complex of yours.
I hope you're well. I don't want to see you again (for obvious reasons) but out of anybody from that whole situation, you were a good person who got in with the wrong crowd. I'm too scared to check to see if you're still involved in that.
It has been over a year and a half since you left me and it's still on my mind but I don't miss you. I know I apologized over the shit I said to you but I still despise you. I don't know where you are in life or what you're up to but I hope you don't leave somebody else while they're in the middle of a crisis like you did to me a while ago. You saw my mental health decline and thought that it was best to just leave me all by myself knowing that my family disliked me and that the only friend I had outside the relationship had moved over 2000 miles away a year prior to the breakup. I had nobody and of course I was having a psychotic episode so my behavior pushed others that didn't know me that well far away. Also, fuck you for trying to get my ONLY friend to turn against me all because I called you fat and a pussy. It was wrong to name call but I wasn't even myself and you still made me out to be the worst fucking human being on earth. You refused to bring up how you gaslighted me all the time and neglected everything while I bent over backwards and walked on eggshells over fear that you would either leave me or be horrifically offended over something I said to you if it had to do with your weight or your OCD. I tried to get you help with those issued and you just refused all of it. I did so much and you just ignored it and when I needed your help you were NOWHERE to be seen. You constantly shamed me for having behaviors related to my ADHD and being on the spectrum yet if I brought up any slight issues with your problems it was highly offensive. The entire relationship I was under the guise that it was so healthy when really we were both bad for each other and you also made my insecurities worse than they already were. I'm glad I'm with the guy I'm with now. We build each other up and it's been over 6 months together and there hasn't been any terrible arguments unlike my past relationship with you. We started fighting 3 months in and yet we were together for a year and a half. You're such a fucking hypocrite and a fucking pervert who forces sexual acts on people and then plays the victim when the other party isn't interested. You're so lucky I haven't told everybody in your social group how you've tried to force oral sex on me or when you constantly felt me up in inappropriate places even after I told you not to. I try not to wish the worst for you because I'm trying to be a better person but I do. I can't believe I wasted so much time on you and I honestly regret not breaking up with you when I wanted to. I had serious abandonment issues and I should have just dealt with it. Fuck you, I hope you end up working at that convenience store forever and that you realize that you're not always the victim. I'm also sorry that I was so verbally violent because it just wasn't right to be like that towards you. It took me a while to get rid of a victim mentality and to act better but I'm still so fucking bitter and I hope you get out of my head because honestly you are not worth my time, my effort, or my thoughts. Stop blaming your mother for your fucking problems and get help.
the only reason i'm responding to you crawling back to me is because i have a modicum of extra time and energy right now.
i'm prepared for you to leave at any moment. for you to turn on me at any moment. you've shown it in your actions. i don't really care if you're "only like this" because you "love" me so much. fuck you. so it's cool if you hit me, hurt me? it's cool that you come anonymously into my spaces, say horrible things, and then apologize saying that it's coz you love me? i'm never erasing what you've said to me. i want to never forget how quickly you can turn on someone you claim to love, and how quickly you are to ask forgiveness because of your own guilt, not because you want to change. what right do you have to cause others so much worry and grief, and then shittily block any method to contact you?
you could've been a part of this life. not sorry, honestly i know you're only talking to me because your other fixation didn't work out. i hope i'm wrong, i'd rather be wrong. i'm in a shit mood today remembering what you did. i don't know why you felt compelled to treat me like that. i've been an asshole but not to the people i cared about. things could have been good.
there's this older lady at work who's been a HUGE bitch to everybody and to me specifically (withheld money i was owed, even tried to get me fired at some point; it's gotten a lot more peaceful between us lately, if only because we're working from home and i don't have many reasons to interact with her)
she lost her husband recently, she never told us but we learned about it through someone who lives close by her
i really want to offer her my condolences and write her that we feel for her even if we daren't bring it up since she never told us, but i'm afraid it'll just piss her off
I want to hold you and tell you that everything’s going to be okay. I can’t wait to see you, I’m so nervous I feel like a little girl. I know I said I hate dancing but I’ll dance with you.
I'm sorry I was a bitch to you twice in a week. You did kinda touch some nerves, tho. But I also should have just said that your "jokes" weren't funny and moved on, but I went full retard instead thanks to my adhd. Please forgive me or pretend it didn't happen.
Last night I dreamt that I was trying to talk to you to get you back as a friend, I was crying and practically begging you to hear me a last time. It's been months since you decided to end our friendship and I still miss you, the fact that I'm in a happy relationship with A doesn't mean that you are less for me but I think that your mental situation at that moment plus how you felt with my relationship hurted me a lot by then and most importantly to you. I know I made mistakes and I want to apologize for them. The only reason why I don't send you a message telling you I miss you and I'm sorry it's because I want to respect what you thought would make you happier. I hope with all my heart be your friend again.
Always wishing you the best,
I'm sorry for being weird and my BPD behavior. I hope you're doing well. I'm still working on getting better. I've leveled up a lot as a person so far in the time we haven't spoken, but I'm not there yet.
Once I'm there and I'm a me that you can be proud of, I hope we cross paths again. There's a lot I want to tell you.
Truthfully, I'd like for us to be happy together forever.
to c, r, t, and m i guess:
i want to be friends with you guys. i keep thinking of all the ways i fucked up becoming friends with you guys and feel sick.
i'm going to give it another try, though. so please. i hope things work out for us.
You ruined my life. Since you've been gone, I've been unable to imagine myself in a relationship. You didn't fall for me, you fell for the me you wanted. If every relationship contains an element of fantasy, I can't go on like this. I want to be loved for the identity I've suffered so much to create and not constantly trying to satisfy your perverse desires.
You isolated me from everyone I know and love. I feel so alienated right now due to constant conditioning from an entity that was itself irreparably broken.
You at least owed me some closure, some insight into your mind that could've allowed me to glean some cause for empathy. If I had understood then, I wouldn't hate you today.
At least since you've been gone, I've grown. I've developed intellectually in ways that you inhibited me from. I don't know whether the person I am now is better than the one I was then, but I can that person is more authentic. I think that's all that matters.
I don't miss you, but I am certainly more miserable since you left.
I still don't know why that day you decided not to be friends with me anymore for the stupidest reason. I guess when you don't cherish someone anymore anything can be an excuse for you to hang on. You even drag your friends into hating me too and blocking me from commenting on her page, I just hope more people see this side of you instead of the sweet facade you portrayed, you made it sound like I'm the reason but you won't even look at yourself first.
It's been 2 years since it happened but I would occasionally think about this, it doesn't hurt me anymore as it used to though. I had already forgiven myself but I don't know if you are worth forgiving MA.
Or at least I tried to.
All my memories with you are suppressed in my mind so that I can project myself from what you have done to me.
I still cherish the times we were together, I just hope you did as well.
I've been reflecting on our friendship lately, inspired by reminiscing about Homestuck of all godforesaken things.
I'm sorry I treated you like shit sometimes because of my ego and I'm very, very sorry for the times I hurt you. You may have poked the bear on purpose because of your own issues, but I was a moody asshole. We were a couple of fucked up kids I guess.
Our lives are in very different places now so I know we can no longer be friends. And though it's been 5 years now, I still long for our stupid conversations and antics. It was fun to be goofy and shameless. And I know despite our toxic friendship, you were always supportive of me and cared in your own way. Looking back we were practically dating which is hilarious to me. I really didn't want to be gay back then.
I love you.
You are barely deserving of your relationship to me. Our closeness is toxic and you leveraged it all throughout my childhood to keep me. I can’t defend myself or I’m arguing. I can’t make the slightest mistake or I’m a dumbass who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I can’t share my feelings or you’ll get defensive. The only thing you respond to is my complete emotional breakdown. Then, you swoop into trying to heal me.
I thought you were my only savior when you’re actually the root of my problems. E says horrible things and wasn’t there for me but so say the same and make yourself the only person there for me. M may have a temper and dismiss me but at least he never manipulates my emotions and makes me feel like a slave to them. You drive me from everyone and everything I love and get offended when they suggest you may be the asshole.
You want me to be an advocate for the cause but you barely were for mine. We will always be linked but I hope I will never be an I to a J. I want the curse to end with me so I will not pass this on.
If it wasn't for the initials and a few details being off this sounds so much like the toxic friendship I had in school
Why did you have to do that? I love you. I can’t function anymore, I know it’s pathetic but I’m so in love with you I don’t care about anything else anymore. All I do is lie in bed and cut to try and wake myself up. I want to hold you in my arms forever, it feels so awful to think I may never speak to you again. I hope you forgive me for being so obsessive, come back. I’ve been spiralling without you.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, anon.
Friendships like that are complicated. No one is truly the villain or the victim, and even if ending it was for the best there were still so many good, likely formative, memories that it's sad.
I’m so so so sorry. You accepted me for who I am and you stuck through it despite me canceling on several dates. I did NOT mean to. I don’t have a car and finding a babysitter is hard. I feel crazy to even be writing this here. It’s just me venting because I can TELL you’re upset but you’re just avoiding things instead of talking it out. Is it STUPID of me that I deleted all the dating apps. I’m so done with it all.
I hate you so much and I see through your games. You think pitting C against me and my siblings is funny, and you like watching him scare the living shit out of us because you're a sadist. The only solace I take is knowing that when we are all gone, C will turn to you in a way far worse than you could ever imagine. The same rage you use to run us away will be thrown right back into your face. That big scar I have on my arm isn't just from me "tripping and falling", it's from C's anger. I'm not scared of C because of whatever idiotic reason you think I am, I'm scared of C because he's a ticking time bomb that could relapse into violence at any day. And all of that will one day be thrown right back at you, and I hope you get a scar far bigger and nastier than the one I have to bare, far bigger and nastier than the one I have to look at every day and pretend I don't remember where it came from to save face for the person who put it there. I hope you come to me and my siblings for sympathy, so that we can turn you back away, straight into the mouth of the demon you chose to steal away. And honestly, I hope he makes you lose the will to live.
you're a judgemental, negative, cynical bitch and an overly analytical robot. What's the point of all this? You're just a cold, ruthless person no matter how much you justify it. I know you don't care and my feelings are misplaced. That's why I'll stop thinking about it. I'll release you from my head. You're a fucking cunt.
stop slut-shaming, ya mean old hag. Get off your high horse.
I am sorry for how I treated you. I can see now that I felt rejected which made me scared and so I felt had to reject you instead. That isn’t an excuse, I just want you to know that it was never really about you. You were a good friend and I even now I miss you and all the silly things we did together. I didn’t treat you how you deserved.
I also realise that you must have been going through a hard time with your family and I just made it a million times worse. I’m truly sorry for all of this.
You seem to be doing well now and I only wish that I could tell you this in person. I don’t think you want to hear from me though.
I wish you all the best for the future.
I’m sorry I ignored you for no reason. You must have racked your brain to think why and felt so used and hurt.
Truth is, I was afraid of what other people would think when I should have just focused on the fun we had together. I thought I was better than you but I see now that we were two the same. I spent years with the girls making snide comments about me when we could have repeated all the fun we had, everyday. Us against the world.
We didn’t spend long together but I look back at it as one of my happiest school memories. You are silly, generous, clever, supportive, and deserve many friends. I only wish I could tell you this in person. I’m so happy to see you are doing well. You truly deserve everything good that comes your way.
I used to think it was me at fault for telling you that thing that happened to me. Back at that party when we were drunk and sharing embarrassing stories.
When you told everyone, I felt so ashamed. Yet I didn’t deny it, didn’t tell anyone what you were doing, or about all the bullying I received from everyone else because of it. Comments in person, messages online. I just bottled all the hurt up inside of me and pretended it wasn’t happening. I then cut contact with everyone I had known as soon as I could because if it.
I kept your secrets from that night, your embarrassing crush and whatever else you might have told me. I have also kept your other secrets. The time that your father dropped you off at my home when we were young. It was his day off and he didn’t want you around. You cried that you didn’t want to be dumped at my house. I did my best to distract you with my dollhouse while tears rolled down your cheeks. Even now, 15 years since I last saw you, this is the first time I’ve ever shared this. I’ve never even mentioned it to you.
I never told anyone about how you regularly took advantage of me so you could eat both your food and mine. I never told anyone that you made faces behind my back when you thought I wasn’t looking because I said hi to you. I never told anyone that the first day of high school, despite you being in a different class, you somehow found someone new in my class and told them an embarrassing childhood story about me in the 15 minute break. I never told anyone about the time you insisted that you hadn’t actually wanted to be top of the class in the test, all because I beat you once. I never told anyone how you dropped back to come up to me just to say how some girl you were walking with, that I’d never seen before, just apparently told you I was weird out of her own accord. Do you really think I am that stupid?
In all these cases, other people told me they saw how badly you were treating me but I wanted to believe the best of you and pretended I didn’t know. I even ignored you treating me badly to my face, telling your mother all the faults you saw in my house in front of me. I ignored you blaming me for the mess we both made playing. I ignored that lunchtime when, instead of walking home with me as normal, you ran away from me with another girl. You made it seem like I was a weirdo for trying to catch up. I just didn’t understand why we weren’t walking together like normal. I walked home with you that night and pretended to believe your excuse that the other girl “made” you do it. Do think I am that gullible?
I never told anyone that despite all this, I had to try not to cry when I saw the mean note someone had left you, weeks before you started the rumours. You never knew that around the same time I would defend you to other people who had also been hurt by you as I’d heard you had been hurt too.
When I confronted you about the rumour, about all the times since we were young, you said it wasn’t a secret and stormed off. You didn’t even address the other times. But you didn’t ask what I was talking about either.
I now realise that what you did was bullying and sexual harassment. Your reaction to being confronted was victim blaming. I wasn’t at fault for what happened to me. I trusted you yet I remember seeing how your eyes grew huge and realising instantly that I had made a huge mistake.
I know you will never consider that you could ever be in the wrong. You’re not a normal person. You play the forever victim, never thinking of your own actions, while accusing others of doing the same. Nothing is ever your fault. For someone as smart as you are, you’ve always been very emotionally immature.
But none of this matters anymore. You’re no longer my problem. I don’t need to think about you. I don’t need to feel shame for the situations you put me in. I’m free of you, thank god.
I never told you, but when you sent the text me that message out of the blue, seemingly just to mock me, everything came flooding back. I had blocked it all out. Yet I tried to make plans to see you again as I pretended everything was normal. I was in shock and couldn’t even comprehend what had happened, what was happening. I’ve never experienced anything like that, before or since.
It’s taken me many years to realise that what happened wasn’t consensual. You must know that too from the content of the message you sent. Or maybe you don’t, that’s why you sent it. I think you planned what happened it from the start, however you see it.
Yet it’s not just that moment that was bad. You treated me with contempt the whole weekend. I don’t know why you invited me or pretended to be nice to me the other times before or since. You seem to enjoy nothing more than humiliating me. I don’t know why I ever listened to you about anything.
Sometimes I felt that I should report you. Sometimes I just wanted revenge. Now I see that being as vile as you are inside and out is punishment enough. You will never be near me again.
I sometimes miss those times where we were just the two against the world. I'll never have a friend like you ever again. I miss you.
Your friend at heart, F.
You're a horrid piece of shit.
You're the lowest of the low and I cannot abide you trying to worm your way back into the family after the things you've said and done. You're lucky our mother is giving you a second chance especially after how you treated our father.
Your trashy wife has poisoned your mind and you're too fucking love starved and pussy whipped to see it.
You're an absolute disgrace and I hate you from the bottom of my heart.
I'm stuck in a constant state of self pity,
Knowing i'll never take walks with you through cities.
Your image burnt into my memories,
But only the blur of those sceneries.
Moments I want to relive
I wish I could call it fib.
Moments I can't forget
I wish it could reset.
I wish we were closer,
But there is a line i can't cross over.
i'd say i wish we'd never met but you helped me realize how much of an idiot i was when it came to romance
i hope we'll have a life together someday, i know its a dumb thought but i love you too much.
i wish i never came on so strong and scared you off, for the short time we knew each other it seemed you understood me. but the life you lead always made me second guess how we would have worked.
why am i such a fool
You are so fuckin whiney and clingy. You complain about everything, including my love life. You act like such a gossipy old hag for your age. If you keep frowning like that, you'll get wrinkles. I'm so happy that you're moving.
- A femanon
Take it to 4chan, princess.
My gut is always right and I should’ve just stopped from the start because I know you don’t give a fuck, not really. Practice gf is not what I wanted to be but oh well, I’ve already wasted this much time.
You're so patient, genuine, and kind. Your sweetness is why I've always loved you. You deserve so much better. I wish I could give it to you.
M, you stupid bitch, why can't you just be normal? I used to be your friend, you're one of my oldest friends. And I would like to continue being your friend. Stop being nasty and weird. I don't know what happened to you, you used to be cool. Get your own personality, your own friends and your own interests. You cannot copy me, and I don't mean that in a mean overinflated ego way. I'm nothing special, but I am me. My interests are genuine, which means I'm always several steps ahead of you. You're simply a defective copy now, a dollar store version, you came in discounted and plastic wrapped from Aliexpress. You and I are different people, you can't outdo me at doing me. That is why you always fail at everything.
I wouldn't even care about your stupid copycat game if you at least stopped trying to steal my friends and isolating me from them. Do you think no one notices?
I hope you recover from whichever brain injury caused you to act like this.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve known you for almost 20 years at this point, talking on-and-off at least, but I think this latest “revelation” of yours is what will finally kill our relationship. You will never become who you pretend to be and I’m done hoping that you’ll snap out of your delusions. I can’t say I’m surprised: you always believed you knew everything and were more more special than us normals. Despite how smart you claim to be, you have no idea how much your delusions hurt your family. You have alienated everyone in favor of a new life, with no guarantee your current friends will be with you this time next year. I want to support you, but I can’t deal with this bullshit. I’ll be back when you snap out of it.
dear Eri, i fucking love you dude and i miss you and im sorry i was a vengeful scared cunt and i miss you, we are both shit people but o miss you as a friend, fucking hell
You are so kind and creative and I'm thankful for our friendship. I miss your sisterly advice and support. You deserve someone special in your life.
Dear S (or L, or whatever you go by these days),
I love you but talking to you can be such a drag sometimes. I know you're in a difficult situation and I can't even pretend to understand what it's like to be in your shoes, but I've done all I could for you. I've shown you ways to get out of that situation but you won't even listen to me. You just keep doing what you've always done and when it doesn't work, you come to me to cry about it. I try to comfort you as best as I can but even I have my limits. I'm not your therapist and I can't even tell you to go see one since you think they're all con artists out to get you. I wouldn't mind all this emotional labour if it was at least a mutual affair, but everytime I open up to you about my own problems you just brush them off. Telling me I'm lying or that it's all in my head. This is why I dread talking to you; I fear that if I respond to your messages the conversation will turn into another sobfest about how miserable you've been and how abusive your situation is. I know I sound like a monster saying all of this, but I have my own problems to deal with and having to listen to you wallow in your self pity gets really draining after a while. I'm not your knight in shining armour; no one can save you if you don't even want to be saved.
I also wish you would get your head out of the clouds when it comes to your plans for the future. The world isn't some utopian dreamland where everything goes your way if you just "try hard enough". Be realistic. You're going to need a lot of money if you ever plan to leave this shithole, and that's looking less and less likely, based on the way you're going about things. And then anytime anyone has the "audacity" to disillusion you, you get upset like a child. I'm getting sick of smiling and nodding along to your absurd and unrealistic plans for the future. I wish you would grow up soon.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I've been a bad friend this past few months. I wish I could have been there for you yesterday. I'll come see you once I get my shit sorted.
why do you think you are better than everyone else. you are a shell. using as an emotional companion to grieve what we lost. i always knew you'd go back to her, i always knew!! i always said it. but no you hated her righttt. just like you hate me now. so much hatred in your heart. you're a fucking liar. all you do is lie. you completely fucked up my sense of trust. why have you left me like this. you aren't better than anyone. your treat your interests like trends. they are trends. you never take a look at things from another perspective and that leaves no room for self improvement. i always disliked that about you. i had to push you to be a better person, and still, i couldn't. now you run off with the bits and pieces of what i taught you and act like you're a god. you're a sad sad boy. you say you're non binary but you're a fucking scum bag BOY. you're a fucking head case, i should be glad i lost you. i should be happy that you're going to fuck your life up especially with her*. but here i am missing your good qualities. why do i keep neglecting all the bad. you're bad,,,,
You're the most amazing human being I've met in my whole life. You have so many great qualities, so much talent, and you have amazing ideas. I don't know if I love you or if admire you, but I know I feel great when we talk, when we joke, when we just listen music. I know you beat yourself for things you did when you were younger and you can't find peace because of it, but I wish I could be more like you, I also did stupid things when I was younger, but I don't your qualities or talent. If the things you have gone through would've happened to me, I would be dead by now. That said, I don't think I can't keep spending time with you. I wish I could help you, but I simply can't, I'll just fuck my mental state if I try, but I wish with all my heart that I could help you.
You're so kind, you gave me hope again. I only hope you can find peace and happiness.
Dear, Pesky Plumbers
The Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom. The princess is now a permanent guest at one of my 7 Koopa Hotels. I dare you to find her if you can!
I really feel like we could've had a nice friendship if I wasn't so flaky and retarded. I'm not who I was back then anymore. I hope you're out there doing well and I hope your boyfriend matured, too.
Tin, I doubt you come here to lurk anymore, but if you do, please know that I am not going to doxx you or hurt you in any way. I came to my senses last night. I miss you so fucking much. Please stop being so anxious. Please live your happiest life. I love you.
I dream about you every night. Please let me live my life in peace.
Please release me from this nightmare.
Please just fuck him again and maybe start dating him and marry him so I can finally move on or - realistically - die of heartbreak already.
Please make him be your reason to live instead of mine. Make him be the sunshine that lights up your life, instead of mine. I burned way too easily.
You're everything he wants. Just take him away already. The possibility of us going back together after that shitshow of a relationship fucks me up.
Still, I can't ever seem to discard that possiblity. I still struggle to sleep without him. I still dream of marrying him.
So please do me a favour and ruin that chance forever, it hurts too badly to decide if I want to go back to a sick violent relationship or lose the love of my life forever. Just make that decision for me.
-From the girl who was worse than you in every aspect.
Dear A, M1, K, M2 and J,
I miss you all dearly. I wish we hadn't grown apart and I wish I had the courage to reach out to you again. Even if we never reconnect ever again, just know that I wish nothing but eternal happiness for you all.
Dear E, M3, and Y,
Whatever happened to staying in touch? I know our ideologies and lifestyles clash but I still had so many stories to tell you and so much more to learn from you all. I hope we can meet again one day. I wish you endless successes in life.
You're such a fool but I love you to hell and back. I don't believe in fate or anything like that but the fact that we've stayed like this for over a decade is starting to make me feel like our bond was destined. So no matter where life takes you (or me), promise me you won't forget me, okay?
I sometimes keep dreaming about you, I hate it now. Despite what most people would think I've never loved you as something more than a friend, but you were actually the only person I could love as one. I'm afraid I'll never get a friendship that close again and it makes me really sad despite the fact that I don't want you anymore in my life, I know it was for better that our friendship ended. We were both feeding each other delusions.
I hope one day I can convince you to love me back.
Dear A, A, A, and A. You four As.
I was a friend. I listened. And yet you guys never did. I'm hurt, and alone, and lonely and it pains me to admit that even to myself. I want to forget. I've jumped headfirst into the real world and I'm never talking to you girls ever again. Live a good life.
- an A as well
Ah, I know I'm not the type you like.
I miss the way we used to talk
Dear W. I really wish we could understand each other better. We are not so different actually, but that can be hard to see sometimes. One day, I hope we can relate without the petty divisiveness. I will be waiting.
I wish we could have sat down together just once before you died and had a real conversation, but by the time I was able to see you, you were too far gone. Even if you could have talked with me, I doubt we would have ever gotten deep enough to tie off all the loose ends. I've read the poetry you left behind in your journals from before you ever had me, and it was good. I always thought I knew who you were, but I realize now that I didn't.
You represent all of my worst fears, so I couldn't look directly at your memory for a while after your death. Now that the pain isn't so hot to the touch, I can see how much we might have had in common in another life. In a world where you lived, I wonder if we could have ever been friends. I can't resent you the way I did when I was a kid. I wish I could tell you that I'm not mad at you anymore. I hope that somehow, you knew. I will be haunted for the rest of my life by the fact that you died believing that I hated you. I could never hate you. Even when you hurt me, I always loved you.
Your only child
I'm already so open with you but I'll never tell you to what degree this has hurt me.
It's not even your fault, but it has made me question myself and what's wrong with me for a good year and a half. I wish you had figured out how rude it would be to tell me of all people that you like B. When you first brought her up I cried in public after we parted. It felt helpless since I can't change who I am at my core, which is a scared little lady who just wants to do simple and safe things. It's not my weight. It's not my height. It's my fucking risk aversion and the decisions I make as a result.
Off and on it still makes me feel like the most repulsive woman on earth for the physical reasons. It's easier to let the BDD set in rather than consider that you were turned off by my personality. I don't know why you've made me feel this way since I meant what I said about the actual idea us dating being a nightmare. Perhaps it's because you make me feel the same way my father made me feel, and so it hits heavier when you also could never love me. Fucking. Stupid.
After all this I don't hate you, obviously. I love you a ton. And I'd never send this since it's blaming you for something that can't be helped and is perfectly fine. My self worth isn't your responsibility.
I just need to vent sometimes when it starts to bother me.
i miss you, i know you do not love me but i still do. i hope one day you'll realize it. i should be mad, you did this all of th fucking time, bur im not. i just miss you still. i texted you 67 times, never got a response.
i always cared more than you did.
Leave me alone. I have written proof of your obsession with me. Once they search up my parent's house they'll find it. Even if you kill yourself after you do it, I'll still win. I will have stolen your life. Your future. Your happiness.
And guess what? I wasn't trying. I didn't mean to cause all of this. I was just a young girl trying to love you.
Don't forget you were the light of my life. Don't forget I thought about you in every moment of my day.
See you in hell,
English is not my mother tongue and those comme from the heart. So I did not really felt like translating, sorry
J'ai rêvé de toi cette nuit, tu étais très élégante dans tes jolies robes. Ça a fait tellement plaisir de te revoir, j'aurais bien aimé me rendre compte que je rêvais pour pouvoir te prendre dans mes bras. Tu me manques beaucoup. J'aurais bien aimé que tu rencontre mon copain, il est très gentil avec moi. Il me rappelle beaucoup panou tu sais, même lui me disait qu'il trouvait que J était similaire à lui.
Au moins je sais quevous avez du en parler avec panou et c'est déjà ça j'imagine. J'espère que tu passes nous voir de temps, pour voir comment on va. J'espère aussi que malgré que j'ai des piercings et des tatouages t'es quand même fière de moi.
Tu me manques beaucoup, fais des bisous à panou de ma part.
PS: qu'est ce que tu penses de moi dans tes vêtements ? Ils me vont plutôt bien je trouve. T'étais super fine quand t'étais plus jeune d'ailleurs c'est dingue
Tu me manques beaucoup toi aussi, vous me manquez énormément tout les deux. J'ai l'impression que depuis ta mort, ça a plus ou moins validé mon sentiment que je suis plus une enfant maintenant. Et ça m'angoisse tellement. Je sais que suis assez chanceuse pour avoir un bon groupe de super, mais avoir mon grand père c'était aussi une sûreté de plus j'ai envie de dire.
J'aurais bien aimé écrire tout les anecdotes que tu me racontait. J'essaie de les répéter maintenant au potes mais je vois que y'en a pas mal que j'ai mal enregistré.
J'espere que t'étais fier de moi toi aussi, que malgré que j'ai peut être pas suivi ce à quoi tu t'attendais, j'espère que ça t'as pas trop déçu.
Fait des bisous à manou de ma part, je vous aime tout les deux très fort et je pense à vous souvent.
T'as changé depuis ton marriage avec ta nouvelle femme. Après t'es heureux et je demande pas plus. Mais des fois mon père me manque, les séances de cinémas, les restos qu'on se faisait après, t'es câlins quand j'allais mal, surtout le fait que je pouvais tout te dire et que tu m'écoutais. Tu le fais plus ou moins toujours mais j'ai l'impression que c'est plus pareil. Je peux plus vraiment me confier à 100% ni être vraiment moi même quand je viens te voir. Je sais qu'il faudrait que je t'en parle à un moment. Je sais juste pas quand ni comment exactement.
Après tu considère ses enfants comme les tiens, ça m'étonne pas. Et honnêtement je pensais que ça me ferait mal mais non, ça va. Je suis pas dans le coin, eux si. Et t'as besoin de ta famille proche de toi, ce que je comprend. Je suis toujours ta fille je le sais, mais j'ai un peu perdue un sentiment d'exclusivité que j'avais avant et c'est normal. J'espère que ta nouvelle famille prendras bien soin de toi et feras de toi un grand père heureux. Dieux sait qu'on ne pourras potentiellement pas le faire. Même si je parie toujours que mon grand frère va avoir un enfant. Ils peuvent toujours adopter après tout. Tu me diras, moi aussi mais plus le temps passe plus devenir mère ? Je sais pas, je me vois pas capable de gérer un autre être humain en ce moment.
Je t'aime et je t'embrasse.
Tu as changé mon père, mais il est heureux. J'aimerais bien que tu évite de m'attaquer à chaque fois que je passe le voir. Je comprend que des fois c'est plus fort que toi ou que tu cherches pas spécialement à m'attaquer, mais pour quelqu'un qui pronne la non violence, je te trouve très violente avec moi. Après on est pas d'accord sur beaucoup de choses, je peux comprendre ça. J'essaie d'être l'adulte mais je me rend clairement compte que je suis encore qu'une enfant sur beaucoup de point. M
Mais c'est pas pasque je vais chercher des conseils que je veux que tu me coache ou quoique ce soit. Je sais qu'à un moment je vais devoir t'en parler mais j'ai clairement pas les armes.
Prend soin de mon père,
Je suis désolé, je devrais êtres plus patiente avec toi, mais c'est difficile des fois de pas repenser à comment t'étais avant. Y'avais du positif bien sûr mais pas que. Et j'ai du mal à l'oublier des fois.
Ou plutôt je pense que je fais amalgames avec ce qui c'est passé pour papa, v et g et du coup ça te retombe dessus. Tu fais de ton mieux, continue ton psy s'il te plaît.
Je t'aime quand même, même si tu es insupportable dzs fois tu restes ma maman.
J'aimerais bien un petit signe de temps en temps. Je sais que tu ne me dois rien et je sais même pas si je devrais tutoyer honnêtement. C'est vrai que je pourrais parler à tes représentants plus souvent aussi voir même carrément aller te voir dans ta maison. Mais c'est vrai que j'ai ce vide en ce moment. J'angoisse un peu pour les fêtes.
Je sais pas si t'es responsable pour mon rêve de cette nuit mais si c'est le cas merci. Et si c'est pas toi, merci à quiconque s'en est occupé. Ça m'a vraiment fait plaisir. Est ce que je peux demander que ça arrive une autre fois ? Je voudrais bien entendre sa voix aussi si possible. Pareil pour mon grand père. Ils me manquent tout les deux.
i appreciate you and all you do for me. that you free up time to see me, that you hold me tight on your lap, that you made sure i got home safe that one night, that you let me sleep over when i was raped, that you bought me that drink when my card was declined, that you wished me a happy birthday early so i know it wasn't even social media reminding you. i wish you wouldn't reject me though. i wish you would be my boyfriend. i bet other people think you are my boyfriend when they see us together, especially when you're choking me or grabbing my butt in public.
This brought me to tears, I hope you're okay
I really hope this doesn't get buried. You browsed 4chan back in High School so you might lurk here. After reading years worth of letters at 4 am, I feel it's necessary I post.
The short amount of time we spent together is still a blur to me. I abused my mental with drugs, and only realized how bad the damage was in recent months. But the one day we spent at the falls is still clear to me, and not for the reason you think it might be. It was the most time we'd spent together at once. I got to see you be as you as you could. I spent the latter half of 2020 both wishing id run into you and we might catch up, and then running away when I noticed you were in the same public area. I truthfully don't know how to feel, because I mostly don't remember how our relationship ended, if you can call it that. I know I feel this inexplicable draw to you that I don't know whether to give in to or keep ignoring. I know you probably used to have this idea of yourself that you were cold, but I don't think you are. I've spent a lot of time pretending to know what I'm doing or that I'm some mystic being, but really it's a replacement for what I have always believed was an undesirable personality, at least from others perspectives. You definitely weren't a rebound, if it's one thing I haven't learned how to stop, it's falling 100% for anyone. I probably pushed the affectionate stuff too fast for you, or maybe you saw huge red flags, it doesn't matter anymore. I know I wish I'd gotten to know you better and spent more time with you. Part of me believes you might feel the same way, but my confidence has been killed in recent years. I haven't been able to get you off my mind, even though I'm with G. She has always been more of a close friend, and bringing romance into our dynamic has kept proving that. Neither of us ever really wanted more, but did so because we figured it was what was expected. Now I'm across the country from you, my hometown, all of my closest friends. I've been here for almost a year now, and at the end of next month, I'm moving to a different state equidistant from where we met. It seems unlikely we'll ever see each other again, and I don't think I have the courage to text you first. For now, occasionally liking your Instagram posts hoping it let's you know I'm thinking about you will have to do.
I love the glow up, by the by
But I think dominoes is better than PH
"D" c'était pour "dieu"?
Ah bon, j'espère que tu te sens mieux maintenant, puisque ceci date d'il y a 2 mois
This seems like the kind of place that you might visit so it makes me think of you; it’s been years and not a day has gone by where I don’t think about us and what we could’ve been, I always think about what I would say to you if I saw you again but I think right now all I really want to ask is how you’re doing. Are you doing alright? How are your siblings? Are you starting to show who you really are to the world or are you still acting how your parents wanted you to act? Do you still think of the time we shared at school, how you wanted to dance with me and how you said I made you feel like your heart danced each time I was near you. What we had ended like a car crash, it happened rapidly and suddenly and I had no idea why it ended, nothing I said seem to have any impact on the situation, all I know is that a bit of me died that day, it has never recovered and will probably never be the same. A cynical part of me hopes that you’re miserable and hasn’t been able to find another person like me, however in all honesty I’ve only wanted you to be able to be yourself, so if you have found happiness then I suppose that’s a blessing. I hope you’re okay, and if God allows it I hope to be able to see you again sometime, either in this life or in the next. This letter doesn’t give justice to all I wanted to say, but I suppose venting to the void in and of itself is a healthy way to cope.
I will always love you
-The one under the paper birds
I am sorry for what was left unsaid, we weren't very close at some point because I was so caught up in being sad and in my own stuff and I also felt as if I wasn't likeable enough to be your friend, when I realized my mistake and we grew closer it was the most amazing feeling, I admire, respect and love you always and worlds are not enough to express how grateful I an to have you in my life. I wish we can meet again soon and that ywe never grow distant.
I wish I could speak to you again. I do not want to believe you are dead. It's been 5 years since you are gone. I love you very much, very deeply and I still think of you. I message you regurlarly hoping for a reply. It won't happen, I know. I miss talking to you. You were so fun, so unique and so… intense. I know it wasn't easy for you, I wish I could have done more. I really do. You did not deserve any of this. I feel so sorry. I miss you so dearly, so very much. It pains me deeply over and over again. I loved hearing about you. About how you took photos in the forrest, or cycle around your town. How you loved the feeling of the sweet sunshine on your cheeks. How you loved inhaling the cold snowy weather. How you loved the gentle breeze pass through your hair. You were so joyful, even if it was hard, so so so so hard. I loved your art, you made me want to improve too. I have lost a bit of my passion now though, it does make me sad too. I miss you so dearly. I miss talking to you all night, whatever weird subject you could come up with. I remember how you talked to me about aliens. It was so funny and so fun, thinking back again makes me laugh but cry. I still try to replay the conversation in my head to not forget. But I know I have forgotten. It hurts deeply to know you are gone, it hurts even more to know that the memories I have of you; of your quiet and gentle lively breathing, of your soft warm hands, untreasured little moments that signified you were here, alive and fighting… Everything relating to you… art, messages, photos; I have tried to archive as much as possible. It is the only thing that calms my pain of forgetting. It hurts to feel your memories being replaced with only the physical that is left of you. I love you, I miss you. I really really do. It pains me. I wish you could have told me that day. I know I wasn't the best person to you, I tried but I wasn't doing good either. I am extremely sorry. I wish I knew everything. I didn't know it all. I was so sad when you were gone, it broke me. I tried to get closer to your friends even though I remember you telling me I shouldn't, but I did it anyway. I really wanted closure, I wanted people that knew you around me. I wanted to know the pain in my heart was shared by others too. You were right though, I should have listened, your friends are not good. Not good. I feel so sorry. I am extremely sorry. I got into some serious issues with them because of it. But I also learned now. Through those people that are bad, I have learned a bit more of the things that happened to you. You did not deserve this. If I could go back in time and just do something better, tell you the right words. Or know more. You never really told me in the end, what really was going on when you were still here around me. I was left so confused but now I know a bit better. I wish we could speak again. But I know it won't happen. What is done is done. I am so pained. I hope you did not die, I hope it was all a false ruse to get out from the situation you were in. As much as I hope for this I also have doubts and I should come to terms with reality. I love you. If your spirit is reading this, or your real physical self still intact somewhere out there stumbled upon this post… I just want you to know I still care for you, still think of you and still do what I can for you. I think you will know. I hope you will give me a sign, from the world of the dead or the world of the living. A small sign that even if you are gone, you are okay. Although I know realistically, it will not happen. I am pained.
With love, pain and desolation. I love you, M.
PS: Sorry for apologising a lot, I know you did not like it when I did this but it is hard to refrain myself from apologising. I do the best I can for you and I try to write without crying. I do not want you to be upset.
I'm so conflicted if I want to remain friends with you after our breakup.
Sometimes I still have feelings for you and they are torn to pieces by my own ego when I remember how unhappy I was when I dated you. Even from the beginning I was unsure if I wanted to be in a serious relationship with you. It didn't feel natural and I went with it anyway.
I enjoy seeing you and I'm sorry if I seem distant. I need my space.
To the first person,
I know you'll never change. Giving you the time of day was a mistake, sticking around even more so. It was a profound period in my life where i was angry, twisted, hurtful and hateful, i didn't know people as shitty as you even existed.
Actually, you know what? I never loved you. I had a crush on you for a few days, you fucked that up really quickly.
You twisted me into something horrible, something i’ve been working so hard to reverse. You are a complete waste of space, the world would be better off without you in it.
I hope me breaking your heart hurt. I hope you never find another woman again, i hope you think about me and cry yourself to sleep each night.
I hope you never recover from me. Nobody will ever love you, you ugly fucking moid.
I hope one day one of your supposed "benders" you have over me is your last.
Fuck you for torturing me every single day for months, i will never forgive you.
I hope you continue to sabotage your life, cause god knows i couldn't fucking stop you.
I pray for your end, or for you to finally fuck off out of my life every god. damn. day.
Go to hell. I fucking hate you.
And the second,
I have a billion things to tell you, but the foremost thing that comes to my head is. I'm so sorry, and i love you.
I wish it didn't turn out this way, i still think about you a lot. I hate the fact that i had to leave, i was literally given no choice.
I miss you, i miss your friends. I miss how happy i was to be in love with someone that vocally expressed their love for me. I miss talking to you for hours about anything and everything.
You were my first heartbreak. You were perfect, you were everything i ever wanted.
I still think about everything you said, i miss you and love you. I was kicking and screaming in the end, i didn't want to go.
But inevitably you would regret loving me, you'd regret it in the long run, we were both lonely and heartbroken, we were looking for something to take comfort in.
I'd give anything to see it work out nonetheless, but our time has passed, we will be better off with other people.
I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for making that short time so magical. You’re a wonderful person, i’m so sorry i hurt you the way i did.
And to the third person,
Yet again we've found our stars and paths crossing once more. I always knew we'd be together in the end. but.. i worry about the future. And the past.
We spent three years in a really difficult spot, but i know you can change. I've known you long enough that I've seen you become a wonderful person. That’s why i stuck around, you’re the most important person in my life.
I love you, and yet, i worry.
I don’t want to have children, but you do. I want a room of my own in the house we’ll eventually share, but i don’t feel your enthusiasm about that decision.
And that worries me, i want to make this work, i want us to work, more than anything.
We have been through so much together, I’ve loved you since the day we met.
I feel immense guilt for resenting you when you took me away from him. That feeling has passed, so please don’t worry. Maybe it was the right choice in the end.
At least i hope so. I still can’t look past what you’ve done, and what i’ve done too. And it’s gonna be in the back of my head for a long time. I’m sure we can work this out, Let’s make it count.
I hope things get better, I love you so much. I always have, always will.
P.S, I can’t wait to get married down the line. I’d love to be your wife. I think about it a lot.
And the last person,
I am going to fucking strangle you if i ever see you again.
Fuck you for hurting him, fuck you for the web you spun and trapped him in. Whenever i see him hurt over you, i want to rip your eyes out.
I hope you understand that i never was your friend. You’re an idiot, you have the social skills of a fucking pebble.
I was raised by a narcissist, i know how to play the game too.
You’re a loser, you didn’t even do a good job of swaying me to like you. You’re too autistic to be charismatic, you’re boring, you’re nasty and unhinged. I had to lie through my teeth to pretend to like you.
i hope your chronic pain drives you to ending your own life or immobilises you.
You’re a disgusting, ugly, little pick-me narcissist. It was so cringey watching you racefake all the time.
You’re not Japanese, but you’re a dogshit liar at best.
You are responsible for the worst year of my life, i will fucking straight up spit on you if i see you in public.
I don’t care anymore, you’re disgustingly ugly and worthless.
Fuck you for breaking his heart and torturing him like you did.
Oddly I thought I left more in this thread for you because you haunted my head for years, but it wasn't the case.
Now that we are no longer friends I've had a chance to reflect on what we had going on. The love, the repulsion, the pity, the anger, and the comfort. The worst thing is that I will always feel as if destiny brought us together and I was meant to know you. Loving you helped me grow so much as a person even if you never returned it or had unclear intentions.
To this day I have no idea what you wanted or how you felt, assuming you had any idea either. Even at the end you seemed hurt that I realized what a bad match we were and seemed to be hinting that you wanted something someday. Of course you would deny this as you always did with obvious things. I don't know what the point was in manipulating me in this way since I would have stuck around anyway. Maybe it was real internal conflict you had, especially regarding my inexperience when compared to you.
When I think of our relationship overall it's so mixed. You were pretty awful sometimes. When you were late to my birthday, or when you forgot it the next year, the time that you drank before coming to see me, avoiding introducing me to your friends, and the thoughtless way you treated me some days…it was shitty of you. It has left me conditioned to act a certain way in anticipation of behaviour like yours. In general the actions you take in life are selfish and shifty, even just the cryptic way that you communicate. It pissed me off some days. But I also know we bonded and near the end there was something earnest there, like a real platonic love. That's why I felt as if I'd abandoned you when we last messaged each other. I'd just achieved the closeness I wanted with you from the start and you were in such a rough place…but I'm better off for leaving. I should have done it sooner.
I do wonder if I impacted you even half as much as you did mine, not that it matters. It felt as if your life was intertwined with mine even during our gaps in communication. Now that we're done for good I notice all the things that remind me of you and the times we had together, both good and bad. For a minute I also mourned the activities we will never do together and the memories I will never get to have. But knowing you and the way you are going, it would likely be like this anyway. You're the opposite of a fair weather friend. You like me most when you're falling apart.
I also miss you knowing me, which is the comfort part. We had grown so familiar over time and the references we had with each other scratched a certain itch. Despite the assholery in which you partook, I know you saw me more truly than most people have without projecting your desires onto me. I was your weird girl pal and you were my tragic stoner buddy. What a fun dynamic it was while it lasted.
The boy I have now is so nice. It's odd to not have you to report to about my romantic antics, which I hope provided mild entertainment for you. I remember telling you that you would be the last man I'd love…very cringe looking back. He's everything I wanted and he treats me well. He likes spending time with me, he's so open, he's goofy, and he isn't afraid to show me off. The way he acts is so fucking endearing too, I can't get enough of him. Above all else he also wants to be healthy and happy, which is refreshing after I had loved someone like you. Talking with him fills me with joy and warmth, not a sense of dread. It would still be interesting if we all ran into each other some time, but I don't feel the urge to rub him in your face anymore like I initially wanted to. This is how I knew I'd finally moved on, partially with his help. Vocalizing how you treated me to a healthy man who actually likes me made me see the totality of the friendship (not great).
By the way, you were fucking right. I really did need someone with no experience like me. It's such a beautiful a precious thing I have with him and I wake up each day wondering how it's real. The fanfiction you had for me sadly was not the narrative, sorry to say.
If there is another life perhaps we'll meet again and work it out, but for now I guess this was it. It was a good run. Thanks for letting me work out my daddy issues in a safe environment, and thanks for accepting me as I am. I hope you can get over your substance issues and follow the best path to deal with your family and religion. At the end of the day I'll always hope you'll be out there being happy for once.
May we meet to go caving in the afterlife. See you in the funny papers, little man.
Sometimes I find myself really angry at what you said and did to me, even if it is in the past. I will never forgive you for suicide baiting and traumadumping me when I was in an especially sensitive place. you never had to be by my side (even though you said you wanted to), but you could have at the very least respected my wishes to stop talking about dark topics when I was having suicidal thoughts every day. I credit that suicide attempt last June to you– it sounds manipulative finally writing it out but it's the truth. you were always talking about cutting and having nightmares about being raped (even though you never were, you just wanted me to pity you). You were saying all sorts of things that stoked that flame in my head that was overtaking everything, leaving me feeling completely sullen and overwhelmed by my mental illness. I desperately needed to take care of my mind but you never let me. every day was an episode with you; there was always something i had to take care of that had to do with you, despite half of them being completely made up in hindsight. the weight of your life on my shoulders while I was fighting an uphill battle of my own. it was too much to take.
When I wanted to stop being friends with you, you malfunctioned and put on a completely different personality. I gave you a second chance, then all of a sudden one day you stop talking to me, looking at me, etc. I felt confused and scared, as if i did something wrong. you carved "I hate M" into one of the cash registers at our workplace. What did I do? Well, I did nothing. I did everything to look out for my own mental health and you felt offended that I was putting my wellbeing before your need for female attention. You just wanted a woman to be your faux-girlfriend. Well, here's what I think. I think there's a reason why you're 24 and still a kissless, friendless virgin. I think you holding a grudge about some random girl in high school going out with another guy was the biggest red flag I dodged, along side you not wanting to look at or speak to my boyfriend. I think you throwing a pity party at me until I would give you a shred of affection was like literally blinking red lights and neon signs saying "THIS SCROTE IS PSYCHOTIC!!". I'm the fool for looking past them, but you're the asshole who knew how to exploit my naïveté so you could stroke your ego a little more.
Were you even real lol? Feels like a dream.
But actually, were you?
You are fucking insane. Quit trying to pity bait me into dating you again or something, whenever you contact me on an alt account telling me how you're ACTUALLY gonna do it tonight I don't feel anything. I already feel very little empathy to begin with and I hate your guts, I'd be pleased if you died. You're either psychotic, a master manipulator or BPD as fuck. Either way you hold no value, you just rot in your own stink in your parents house all day, so you should just end it.
And don't think I don't realize when its you, I play along sometimes but in the end I keep my distance. I have the upper hand now.
I remember when I was still obsessed with you I wrote a letter in this same thread, I remember it clearly but it looks like its been deleted, probably due to the actions of some ban happy mod one of those times.
It feels a little strange coming back here to articulate just how much I've grown to hate you. I was obsessed with you almost immediately after meeting you, I loved you more than anything and every day all I could think about and all I wanted to think about was you. You knew this, and for a while you used it to mess with my head, insulting me seeing how much I would take. Maybe you didn't know the depth of my limerance and the consequences your actions had on my mind, but its still pretty fucking sadistic and evil given the other circumstances of our situation-I never thought I'd play that card.
For a year and a half I was in constamt turmoil because of you, because I wanted you but you were just a friend fucking with my head, because you dated me and ignored me like I was some pet of yours, or because you left and every morning I would wake up with an aching pain in my chest waiting for you to come back, compulsively checking my email every hour for the 1/100 chance you'd remember I existed and throw me a bone.
I finally got fed up- you know I'm a spiteful and angry person, and when I was angry (but still in love) with you I finally told you to fuck off and never come back. Sure, I hadn't meant it at the time but I am glad I stuck to it purely out of spite because I have no idea where I would be if I were still obsessed with you. And I can't believe you would even dare try and contact me again after how you treated me. Truely part of me wants to catch up with you, to rub in your face how well I am doing with my new boyfriend, to show I have grown into my own person and that your claws are no longer in me, but I tell myself it would hurt you the most if I ignored you.I know thay isn't true though, because I know you didn't love me a fraction of how much I loved you. You'll never see how bad you hurt me and the massive impact you had on my life that won't ever be undone even if I am free from my obsession. That angers me a little, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Go fuck off and die you shitbag.
I know someone that shares this username and I stopped messaging her. I wonder if you're talking about her. The only main info I can say is that the person I am referring to is an FtM.
No, he's not trans. Although he did ponder mtf thoughts to me once, oddly. Mothman is also a personal nickname.
Alright, thanks for telling me!
I'm guessing not and she is the grown woman in the picture and those are her kids with her?
But the meth girl looks like she’s in her 20s or 30s and the woman in the picture has gray hair.
I'm sorry I couldn't be your person and you couldn't be mine.
Telling you these things in person was impossible because I'd start sobbing. We'll never see each other again, so I need to get it out while it's fresh.
You were the world for these months and you'll haunt me as much as I will you. I hope the idea of me will become pleasant sooner rather than later.
This isn't your fault at all. You tried your best and you'll be someone's special and lovely man, but I can't even tell if I like men. You need someone who can love you the same way you feel love. I tried my best and gave all that I could, which may be something you reflect on with comfort at a later time.
I meant everything I ever said to you. You're handsome and sweet and I do adore you, but it could never work. Some day you'll agree. With time and age I really, really hope your insecurities fade and you can grow into the best A possible.
Seeing you in pain was like a knife in my stomach and a hand around my neck. You don't deserve to feel pain but it's what you need to feel happy in the future. I'm glad we got to hug that final time at least.
You were the Perfect Boy.
Dear [redacted] and [redacted],
I genuinely fucking hate the both of you two disgusting fat fucks. I wouldn’t be surprised if you two got exposed for the disgusting shit you two fucking pull. Vile and disgusting you two don’t deserve to breathe air. I hope your reputations of being “femmists” gets destroyed and everyone shuns you from their lives. I wouldn’be sad if you two died. Fucking rapist’s KYS FAGS!!!!!!!!
sorry to necro but i remembered this thread and wanted to post here.
I don’t know if I’m being too harsh on my past self or if my motivations were always shortsighted and selfish like they are now. I’ve changed a lot from the person I was when I first met you, or more accurately I met you when I was just beginning to change and I still had some innocence and likeability. Maybe if things worked out you could’ve helped to save me from this fate but I don’t blame you or believe that you were my only chance, clearly not but it would’ve been nice. It was really nice in the beginning. I’m really hopeless now and I don’t really want to be seen or spoken to or interacted with. The word pathetic seems to characterise everything I do- it seems to have followed me since my birth. But I do miss you and the way you made me feel- but even if you did come back, it would be a shameless jaded idiot trying to recreate the unique sensations of hope and youth which I don’t have anymore. I know I’m still young but it’s not the same, I killed my youth. A lot of my thinking is projection. You surely didn’t feel as strongly as me, your position was too different. I know I acted very very crazy and you want nothing to do with me and I don’t want anything to do with myself either but I still find myself waiting for you though there’s no sign of you coming back. I’m not sure if it’s delusion or if you still care. Either way I hope you’re doing better and have escaped those patterns, that’s if you were telling me the truth. I hope you’re happy, even if that means i’ll never speak to you again or that you have a new girl, an actually functional one. I never want to meet or know about her though. I don’t think you’d ever want to tell me anyway.
I still like you but things will never be the same again. When we spoke yesterday, I surprised myself with how easy it was to put up a barrier and fake laugh around you. And I didn't feel bad about it, and I didn't feel the need to let you know that I hurt, because for the first time in five years I don't feel like sharing everything with you. I think you will see through my bullshit soon enough, and I apologize in advance. I know you said I'm not special, but you will always be special to me.
I love you and know you love me, but you suicide baiting me my whole life hurt me so much. The time you did it 8 years ago was the worst when you then told me to not come to your funeral. It broke me. I have PTSD and am still terrified everytime I am forced to open my email. You were mad at me not answering the one-way room phone I had when you wanted but I was in class and you didn't exactly give me a cell phone to call you with so it was only natural I'd miss some calls as I couldn't be in my room 24/7. Ironically my depression from the event resulted in my becoming a hermit in my room never leaving until I failed out. Every time you ask me what happened I want to burst into tears and tell you but it sounds so dumb to me at the same time to let your usual behaviour break me, to you this was just normal and natural reactions to me "hurting you". I made you feel that way would be your excuse, it's been your excuse always yet my suicide attempts are all my failings with no reflection on your part (not that I blame you but fuck me).
I think what hurts most is that for all your desperation to have me around to talk with anytime, your calls were never mutual conversations, just your rants about life and if I told you how class was going you'd barely acknowledge it beyond approval or disapproval of my grades then promptly move on to your thing. Why did you even need me for those conversations? I might as well have been anyone. I think I could handle clinginess if at least a conversation with us could be about more than just you. Hell, if you spent less time bragging about what you knew and more time teaching me what you knew I would love listening to you for hours. But instead as your daughter my job was to be your "best friend" and listen to all your rants. You honestly make a shit friend. Also mom, you don't reveal your darkest secrets to your child starting at age 4 (at minimum, I have no earlier memories). My first memory of a conversation with you is you describing how you were raped. I feel like I was created to be a friend for you and not because you wanted a daughter. And by friend I mean exclusive shoulder to cry on.
I wish you could have been more of a mother to me
PS I hate your excuses for not mothering R when I know you didn't intend for her to be a friend and wanted her as a daughter. you flustering for bullshit reasons why you didn't teach her to do shit then trying to put the responsibility on me everytime makes me see red. I even joyfully suggested you teach her how to pray "now that she's interested" to even ensure you had an out for not teaching her before (even if her lack of interest lies solely on the person who didn't bother teaching her a damn thing about her culture and religion) but instead you muttered away and tried to place the responsibilities on me again to do it now. Well tough shit I was never taught by you either so I can't pass anything to her. and you're not a good religious woman due to your failings as a mother no matter how much you pray yourself and talk up your religiousness. It's mortifying for her now that's she's becoming old enough to realize her mom didn't teach her shit before trying to toss her at life and it hurts me to watch her confusion and realisation at the lack of true care our so called loving mother gave us
Adding this to my letter:
Next time you suicide bait me I'm fucking stabbing myself again but this time you won't be lied to and told it was a kitchen accident to spare your feelings. You do your fucking show and dance throwing pills at me asking if this is what I want, what I want in those moments is to fucking die and not be around a mother like you. All I feel is hurt and hatred for what you do
There's a reason why I have dropped you, tranny chasing "incel". It's not my fault you can't accept the fact you're bisexual. I have grown absolutely sick and tired of hearing you bitch about your life and your tfwnogf! Especially since you have the gall to talk down to me about my beliefs. Thank fucking god I never told you the real reason why I hate trannies.
PS I really don't appreciate having had to impress upon you the platonic FRIENDSHIP we had, even though you insisted on trying to force more onto me.
Kill yourself you tranny freak. You ruined my life! I can never know peace thanks to you; I have a painful awareness of just how easy it is for me to be taken advantage of and violated in the subtlest of ways! I will never know freedom from having to watch for fucking mtfs like you (and they are ALL like you). Death is too kind of a punishment for you, but death will make sure you never fucking hurt anyone again with your tranny narcissist shit.
PS I hope you're in more debt from playing Magic: The Gathering than I am from successfully getting my bachelor's degree (an experience you RUINED) you worthless tranny scrote.
You truly were the most important person on my life. Nobody has made such a huge impact on me like you did. I trusted you like I wouldn't with anyone else, and I know I won't trust anyone else like I did with you. I used to feel like I could tell you my biggest trauma and you wouldn't judge me or take advantage of me. Of course, I didn't because you don't need to know such a horrifying story, but that's not the point.
But lately we have been strangers. I'm honestly scared to even ask you how are you feeling, because I know I won't get an honest answer or you'll answer in a cold way,and that hurts me. I know you also had trust on me, but I don't know what happened. I'm sorry if I did anything that ruined that trust you had on me, I honestly don't know what was the reason.
Anyway, I had to stay away from you, because you were hurting me. Yes, leaving you also hurts me like you wouldn't believe, but at least I have hope of healing if I stay away from you. If I keep talking to you I know I'll crave you every single day of my life.
It breaks my heart. I thought that when things were better for me, we could go out more, try new things and have fun in general. Now things are way better for me and we don't have each other.
I should feel happy for me, but the truth is that I feel miserable. Now having money doesn't help, because I realize I don't feel happiness from buying things that I wanted and going out feels like a nightmare because I don't trust anyone. I've been drugging myself to forget I'm surrounded by strangers, but every time I'm at home I feel so lonely. Being able to afford therapy doesn't help either, I don't think it's useful for me, like how can I feel better knowing that I have nobody in this world that cares about me? I'm so fucking lonely that I've started to see my boss as a mom only because she told me I reminded her of her daughter, who's on another country. That's how lonely I am, I live in constant delusions to cope with reality.
I have no family, no friends, nobody. I only had you, and you knew this. I wonder what happened for us to become strangers.
I miss you, I'll miss you forever.
I regret telling you I don't want to talk you anymore.
If you are the person I’m thinking of, and my intuition tells me you are, then I will say that reading this has pained me deeply. It hurts me to picture you trapped in such a situation, but what hurts the most is to think that I caused it, that you are only in such a situation because it was preferable to my company. But you never told me precisely what I did that hurt you so much. The fact that I don’t know for certain where exactly I went wrong with you eats away at my heart daily, and, in truth, I haven’t much heart left.
What you wrote on trust pains me as well, but for different reasons. You may think I’m a fool for not understanding why you left me – and that may very well be true –, but I think you’re either blind or heartless for your supposed cluelessness regarding why I can never trust you again. Do you not realize that the bulk of what you spoke to me from the second we met was a lie? Do you lie without realizing you do so, or without realizing that, once the other person learns they’ve been deceived, their trust is indelibly scarred? Either way, the months of tearful labor I spent trying to disentwine the truths and falsities of our relationship has broken my trust in you beyond repair.
If I truly am the only person you can trust, why did you lie to my face so often?
I’m sorry if, in reading this, you feel more hurt or alone than before. That isn’t my intention at all. I still care for you, and after reading of your struggles I felt a deep ache in my heart, and I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to be healthy and safe. I want to know how it is I hurt you, as I never want to make this mistake again. But we cannot be together. My heart has been broken once, and if it is to break a second time, I will die. I mean this in a literal sense.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you.
When you said you wished you could go back to before my accident it really hurt. I know you blame my condition on my own fucked up behavior at the time but I was sick and I didn't realize it. And the doctors said it didn't have to do with that. I hate how I know you resent me every day and you still stay.
It wouldn’t surprise me to see the person I’m talking about lurking here, but I don’t think you are that person. Mainly because this makes no sense for my situation>Do you not realize that the bulk of what you spoke to me from the second we met was a lie?
Dear A and B,
You're literally the only support network I have and I know I've asked more than enough from you already but I really can't emphasize enough how much I'm counting on the help you've promised me will happen right now because I may dig myself in a pretty deep hole without it. I tend to blindly trust everyone around me which has left me getting bamboozled back and forth ad infinitum by anyone and everyone for years now. I know it's pathetic but I can prove myself in that I've visibly been working extremely hard and determinedly for the past few years. If you really support me in this dream then please, please help me. I can't really talk to you anymore about this because I'm embarrassed and will feel like even more of a leech so I'm keeping it to myself but I'm very scared. I've already cried twice about this. Now I can't even anymore because I'm exhausted.
People say you have to work hard to achieve your dreams, but no one tells you probably have to risk everything you have to achieve them. I've been trying to live life very safely and risk-free as possible for the past several years. Oh well, I know that was dumb in and of itself. But I am freaking out because I genuinely feel like I have no one. It feels like you're silently quitting on me while telling me it'll be okay at the same time. You've done it before when I was facing literal food insecurity. I don't think you realize how much I'm drowning, when you tell me "It'll be okay."
Dear A, you are a total nutcase but I really miss how fun you could be and how close we were at one point. I didn't talk shit or do any of the stuff you were telling other people I did, but you obviously know that. I see now that you didn't like me as much as I liked you, which hurts but I accept it. I feel like I did a lot for you and you kind of took me for granted, or just saw me as the friend you could get stuff from while mocking me behind my back. But I really cared about you and still do. I hope your circumstances improve and that you aren't going through it as much anymore. Sometimes I wish you would contact me and apologize, and if that happened I like to imagine I would tell you that you hurt me, but in reality most likely I would tell you it's totally okay and go back to letting you walk all over me. It will never happen though, since you cut me off that easily like I meant nothing to you as soon as I stepped out of line and challenged one thing you did. Probably it's for the best that we aren't friends anymore.
Dear W, sorry for being such an ass. I still think you're really cool and I hope everything is going well for you.
Dear K, you are a cunt fuck you
You meant so much to me and you still do, but you made it so so hard for me to get your affection. Ever since we met a over a year ago you have been on my mind and I have obsessed over you to an unhealthy degree. You used to be so kind and cheerful when talking to me, so assuring and calming, that I knew that if i did something wrong you would help me make it right. You made me feel special and in turn I helped you out as much as I could, and that little dynamic that we had made me feel welcome for the first time in years. I used to imagine one day marrying you, one day living together, have children and grow old, all while looking back and smiling at the memories we had made.
You really hurt me when you couldn't remember my birthday but could remember those of our co-workers, even those that joined much later. When I try to talk to you now I get a feeling of overwhelming insecurity that I haven't felt since elementary. The more we stay close, the more distant we become. Why can't you just tell me already what I'm doing wrong? Why do I have to start every conversation with you like a battle? What have I done to be scorned like this? I try and try and try to get into your good graces but you'd rather spend time with a much older, engaged woman who constantly belittles you and hurts you? Why are you so callous to me now, when I only want to be kind to you, but eagerly jump at any chance to spend time with someone who couldn't care about you at all?
if this isn't proof you can't get me out of your mind.
it's useless to try to escape, we both know we can't be apart. there is no way to sever this cord, we are the Devil.
why not become the Lovers?
it's terrifying, but tell me what enormous, larger than life, thing - isn't.
I wish we could catch up every once and a while even if you don't want to be real friends any more. I get that our lives have kind of gone in different directions. But I miss you.
I will never forgive you for what you did to me as a teenager, you get off on being envied and you projected that onto me. Did you think that was an excuse to scare a kid for 4 years? I wish the car that hit you did more than dislocate your jaw, i wish it actually killed you. I might not have to go through that much emotional pain. You are a selfish predator, you couldnt even contain it from your own little sister
I hope you also die. You’re a retard.
i was deeply in love with you for a time, but there was always something in our relationship that wasn't quite right. even when we were just friends, you had little to no respect for me. i see now that you were just with me because you thought i was attractive, and after the honeymoon period receded, your abuse thoroughly mindbroke me.
i'm not angry with you, and i'm not in love with you anymore. i don't really miss you at all anymore, either. i see that you've started to go to therapy (which you defensively scoffed at me for suggesting), and i hope you're happy with your new person. i think you have the potential to be a good person, and i understand that your upbringing wasn't good, but that's not an excuse for hurting others. you hurt me really badly, in ways i don't think you'll ever understand. i suppose i don't really want you to understand.
i do think it was a bit (read: a lot) shitty for you to offer to be friends and proceed to block me and not respond to my email reaching out to you. you could have just broken up with me without lying to me like that.
i'm sure you've told everyone you know that i'm your "abusive ex" to garner sympathy points, and you know i'd never tell them you hit me.
so…we're over forever, i guess. now that i think about it, i don't think i'd talk to you if you tried. maybe i'm wising up.
I don't know how to start this. This might seem a little irrelevant since It took place a couple of years ago but that is not the point. What you said to me, and I know you remember, really stuck with me. In addition to all of the micro-aggressions you would throw my way. You're really shady, passive-aggressive, and display catty behavior, especially for a man.
I still have a lot of anger for you that I have still yet to process. I need to feel my feelings and allow space for myself to be angry and I know that the moment I will will be glorious. I'm gonna get stronger and go to a rage room to unleash all of my anger. No, I don't forgive you.
Dear N, M, & J,
I don't want to be your friend ever again. Growing up as a black girl in pwis all my life, you guys would make racist jokes and I would just be your token black friend because you didn't treat me too bad. I don't want to be your friend ever again and I don't want apologies.
This is my setting boundaries, which is my year-long goal for the year 2023.
I was your emotional tampon for three years. I knew it. You maybe knew it. I see you for the naive girl you showed yourself to be. You will be 30 soon. The red pill / Andrw Tte shit was the final straw. I hope you enjoy Carlos. You deserve each other. You are vapid and surface level and I am embarrassed I felt how I did about you. I will miss your softness but I will not take your disrespect.
Be well. Away from me.
I am so very sorry.
I am extremely ashamed and disappointed in myself for writing this, but i fear that i couldn't live with myself if i didn't. Ever since you broke free of the nightmare i put you in, i have felt this compulsion to, to the best of my abilities, apologise and ask you for forgiveness i do not deserve.
I have been alone all my life, alienated from my peers and detached from the surrounding world, never fitting in. Despite all the assurances that i've gotten from family and acquittances, i have always felt like a burden to others, a drain on my parents, a parasite fundamentally unworthy of life. Everything i did was a sign of profound, unchanging weakness and unworthiness. All those assurances, hugs, pats in the back and kind words echoed hollow in my mind. Of course they were going to say and do those things, for i was family. What else would you do with an insecure, pampered teenager? It all felt so artificial, so blatantly fabricated. I feared i would never find anyone who would tolerate my broken mess of an existence, to be with, let alone genuinely love. For the majority of my conscious life i thought i would be cursed to live and die alone in solitary misery free of any intimacy and companionship. This thought lasted until i first met you on that beautiful, lush lawn in front of the ancient castle on that breezy spring day.
Back then, you immediately struck me as a weak, emasculated pathetic husk of a man who couldn't stand up for himself. A shy, pale, lanky loser without any conviction to better his predicament or social standing. Seeing you being mocked, ridiculed and shamed by your peers during that day convinced me beyond any doubts that you were the most feeble and defenceless person in existence. Yet you also appeared so kind, so forgiving and soft-hearted in how took all that unjustifiable abuse without vindication, how you lent your time and effort despite all that was said and done to you, how you were so willing to forgive and forget. For the first time i encountered someone who i felt like was below me, worse than me on the societal ladder of worth. Someone who i could confidently engage with. Yet your gentle nature and unfeigned kindness also told me that you were a good person at heart, someone who could be ultimately saved from himself. That was the precise moment when i started inquiring into you, and planning to make you mine.
The whole premise of us two was built around my sick need to feel superior, more worthy and dependable. I desperately craved an ego boost. I kept telling you and myself that i merely wanted to help you grow into a better, more confident person capable of standing for himself in this world, although knowing deep down that i intended to make you my personal pet project.
During those 9 months i committed the most heinous, awful actions in the entirety of my miserable existence against the only person i have ever genuinely loved. Through manipulation, gaslighting, thinly-veiled coercion and straight up abuse i managed to, piece by piece, dismantle, corrode and destroy your life. Soon after i first met you, i started feeling increasingly possessive and jealous of you. Every time i saw you converse with another person,a jealous rage would light up inside me. Every time you spent time with your family away from me, i felt brutally betrayed. Every time spent the weekend on your own, i felt abandoned.
And it is because of my green-eyed envy and extreme fear of abandonment, that i made you stop talking to strangers. Guilt-tripped you on spending all your available time with me. Sowed the seeds of distrust and distance between you and your family. Ripped out any semblance of confidence or self-worth you ever might have had. I wanted you all for myself, exclusively. Blatantly ignored your comfort zone and privacy. And for me to truly believe you wouldn't run away, i had to take everything else out of your life.
In October, on that late night, i committed the most inexcusably evil and reprehensible, awful act in my life. During that frenzy of complete immoral ardour i saw an opportunity to satisfy a selfish desire that i had wished to complete for so long, an opportunity to do a thing which i had desperately craved for. What i did to you destroyed you. I saw your spirit crumble and shatter, yet i carried on. It was the only time then that you ever tried to resist an injustice committed by me, only for me violently suppress your pleas for me to stop. I knew what i was doing was wrong, but i didn't stop. By the end, you were utterly broken by what i did. The pain and anguish were evident for all to observe, nobody who had ever known you could have missed it. For over a month, you behaved as if you were in a coma; completely silent, passive and free of any and all will. You appeared to silently float through places, spaces and situations like an apparition, only being able to be observed, but not interacted with. In my head, i made blatantly absurd, desperate justifications for my sins. I tried my hardest to convince myself what i had done was actually beneficial to you, something to gladly embrace. An act of charity.
On the 2nd of December, the inevitable happened. I was utterly devastated. After finally having someone, i was all alone once more. I lost the only thing i held any real value in, in just a mere blink of an eye. For two straight weeks i was in denial over what had happened. I kept reassuring myself that you would come back, that i hadn't just fatally poisoned the seed of the life i so hoped to live. I refused to accept what i had done not just then, but during these past 9 months. But eventually i had to come to terms with reality; i was the sole and exclusive cause of it all. I had personally poisoned my own well in my despair, ruined the one person i loved, and scarred him for all eternity.
When you walked off, you could have (and still can) righteously destroyed me for all the things i did to you. By reporting my crimes to the authorities with all the evidence to be seen, it would have been the end of me. At that stage, my life would have been officially over, without the slightest hope of improvement, a literal dead end. Yet, you never did any of such. For some indecipherable reason i simply am not able to comprehend, you simply left without a word. I have often pondered whether it is an act of undeserved mercy, or a well deserved punishment on my conscience. Whatever it may be, i deserve no sympathy whatsoever, and the worst punishment imaginable. I am terrified that the suffering i have caused might very well irremediable, and will follow you until the end of time.
I can't succinctly express how regretful and guilt-ridden i am over my actions, nor can i ever hope to be forgiven for my sins, let alone be absolved of them. There is nothing that i can do that i believe would suffice to compensate and remediate my cruelty towards you. Whatever i do, it will never suffice. It is very likely that you have no intentions of ever seeing or talking to me again, which i completely understand. But if you ever need, wish or want anything, i will give it to you to the best of my ability, regardless of the cost. There's nothing less i can do. I am truly sorry for all the things i've done.
Wherever you are, i hope you the very best.
I am the scum of the earth.
you…you you you.
it's been two years.
and i guess a happy two years to you and my backstabbing ex-friend. i didn't expect you guys to make such a happy couple. what was the point of reaching out. now i think about you constantly again and it sucks. when i smoke with my boyfriend nd get anxious from the weed i pretend its you that im with and i feel safe again. its all fucked hahahahah you love the chaos i just wanted something pure. i think if i ran into you somewhere i would start to cry. you rly were my world. raahg forget it.
>>98032>when i smoke with my boyfriend nd get anxious from the weed i pretend its you that im with and i feel safe again>i think if i ran into you somewhere i would start to cry. you rly were my world. raahg forget it.
I felt these lines. I hope you can move on
>>97964>In October, on that late night, i committed the most inexcusably evil and reprehensible, awful act in my life
What the hell did you do?
It sure does sound like rape..
I've been experiencing what I think is bad karma. Over the past two years, I've lost almost everything one can lose in their lives. My life has gone completely downhill. I thought the universe was making a turnaround as compensation for my shitty childhood but it slowly went downhill. I believe it all started in high school. I'm sorry to that boy whose suicide I used to get back at you. At the same time, I never realized how much you impacted me. My therapist said you gave me PTSD, haha. And she's right. I run to hide in public when I think I've seen you. You were right, I was in too far over my head and I was just a big fish in a small pond. Life humbled me. I've learned my lessons. Now, I need the universe to let go.
sailor moon backgr…
You're a freak. That might include sexually too. I believe you and your girlfriend secretly get down to do BDSM and all kinds of freaky things, although I can not prove it. Proper Dom/sub life incorporated into your real lives. I've had many other suspicions of you confirmed, so why not this one?
Dear Prof T,
I think you secretly had a thing for me in college, which is strange. I certainly should not have passed your class, considering I failed everything. It's about time I, as a woman, started taking charge of my sexuality and making the patriarchy work for me. Thanks for inspiring me and starting my journey to ho'dom. It's only natural and probably was always the expected path for me as a child victim of SA.
You've left me with serious trauma. I hope I left you with trauma too.
I'm so secretly in love with you. I wonder if you even notice. I love you so I'm not going to push you. I actually respect your privacy and choose to not stalk you, which is a first for me! This must be serious. I want to get to know you naturally. I've really fallen for you. I've thought about converting because of you. You've even made me more serious in my religion. Perhaps, God brought you into my life for that purpose alone. Maybe he knew the only way to get me to get anything done was to put you in my life. Your personality is so addictive to me. You're so genuine and authentic that it's sickening. You made me a bit competitive, which made me like you even more. I got an A in that class because of you. To end, "I always thought I might be bad. Now I'm sure that it's true. 'Cause I think you're so good and I'm nothing like youuuuu." I hope we get married.
Thanks for being my only friend in high school. I wish I had made more of an effort to keep in touch. I appreciate that you've reached out a few times when we're in the same area. I hope you're doing well.
I want you to know that you were one of my best friends. I genuinely loved and cared for you, but I just don't think my platonic love was enough and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you like that. What I needed from you was your friendship, not a relationship. I really wanted so badly to meet you in real life.
Now this can't happen, because we've parted on such negative terms and I acknowledge my fault for this but I am not the only one who fucked up here.
I should have not been so eccentric and cringe and I realize this now and have learned from my mistakes, but I don't understand why it was so hard to just communicate with me in the first place. Why did you have to tell your male friends (B) about my personal sex life and send them my intimate pictures? I made a promise to myself that I would never bring up the situation to other people but when S sent me those screenshots it changed everything.
I know that the real reason you did all this stuff is that you were hurt by me and I understand, I felt hurt by you, and that's why I blocked you. I was hurt that you kept mocking me and playing psychological games with me.
I don't know if we'll ever be friends again, I kind of want to and my door is always open to you but this can only happen if you actually take accountability for what you've done to me. I unblocked you on Whatsapp if by the grace of god you use this site. I know you most likely won't message as you tend to feel attacked easily, but I promise if you do reach out there will be no anger or resentment. <3
I'm sorry for everything,
I still feel guilt over how things ended. I never meant to lead you on, I just ended up liking someone more at the time. That person ended up not being that great, so I hope you find solace in that. You never did anything wrong. It still breaks my heart when I think about how you asked me if you did. You are a great person and will have a great life. I wish nothing but the best for you.
You are fucking idiot and messed up badly and I know you know it. We could have had a great relationship but your threw it away. Getting the last laugh was satisfying because I knew it would end it disaster for you. You broke my heart, we were so close. I considered you one of my closes friends. I have a feeling you wont come crawling back because you aren't a complete dunce, but if you did I would reject you. I'm totally over it now but I will never forget how painful it was to lose you.
I am sorry things ended up how they did and that we never got a chance to set things right. I made some of the best memories with you. You were so funny. I still think back fondly at those times. Thank you for putting up with my insanity. I am grateful to have known you. My heart hurts thinking about how you are gone.
I'm sorry. In my darkest times, I'll weep in your name. In the best of my times, I'll imagine you're next to me rooting for me.
But this is just stupid childish delusions.
It annoys me. I want you to live a happy life, but in my worst moments, I wish you were here. So I'm not too sure what I even want anymore.
But the clearest one would be, to get out of this fucking nightmare.
I made a complete fool out of myself the first time we met. I was so tense and so young and I know you sensed my nervousness. I ended up engaging in some proverbial dick-measuring contest with you. Sorry about that. Knowing how the universe works, I'll probably end up running into you again even though we don't live anywhere close to each other.
I remember what you said about a great humbling in life and I've since felt that. I take full accountability but there were certain things you did to me that got in my brain. I idolized you for a while before you became my enemy. I think you felt some remorse for what you did/said to me and that you were indirectly trying to apologize to me without being too on the nose. I thought it was simply the ptsd I had from some of our last moments shared together that fucked my up but I heard that other people were also fucked up because of you so I now believe it is some sort of karma or that a higher power is involved. The funny part is, I can't think what I deserve negative karma for but I know that you are definitely a karmic soul connection in this lifetime.
I have so many complicated feelings towards you. You were at the scene for some of the best moments of my life and childhood but you also fucked me really badly and gave me these awful insecurities that I can't shake years later. I've had hundreds of therapy sessions and I still feel like shit because of what you did to me. I wish I could return to a point in time when I never met you. If I could erase my memory, I would erase having ever met you. The word isn't even "hate". I'm just upset over the power your actions still hold over me. I don't hold many grudges against you since I can clearly see now that you had your own problems too but I don't/didn't appreciate your projection. And to do it in such an indirect way? You really made me hate myself more than any other person. I'm not sure why I gave your (in particular) words and actions so much power. It's like the tree and axe analogy. My therapist refers to it as ptsd. I don't agree that you should let guilt eat you up for eternity but for me to suffer alone doesn't seem fair to me. I know you've forgotten about me but I can't forget about you. I've tried to make new friends/acquaintances, but I can't even loosen up around them because every time I spend some time with someone I think of you.
Again, I doubt you even remember any of this. I don't really see a point in bringing it up with you. Make it would be therapeutic to speak to you so I could move on with my life.
I hope your love life crushes like you crushed mine, I will never be the same.
If I'm miserable, you deserve to be miserable too. I wish we were on the same boat, you don't deserve to get out of it scot-free.
The agony I feel is all because of you, it's all connected to you, you're the reason for my misery and failure for 3 years now.
At least I ended it before it could get any worse, if it could get any worse which I doubt.
I wish I never met you, asshole.
I will never be able to fully forgive you, even though I know it wasn't in your control to be there, as much as I want to forgive you I will never be able to. I still love you so much though and you're the best dad ever, I could never wish for a better dad, I just with you could be there for me more often, and I wish you made better life decisions. I will be just like you because you're the best person and dad I could wish for at the end of the day.
I wish we didn't split paths, but it was unavoidable. I was a terrible friend, I wasn't there for you sometimes, and we didn't understand each-other fully but we were still best friends for 7 years, you're the reason school was slightly better. I miss when we had sleepovers and wrote in out diaries and I miss the times when I looked up to you because you were always better than me at everything. I'm sorry that my mom came across as rude sometimes. and I'm sorry for being weird, it must've been difficult to deal with me at times, I was a brat sometimes and I wasn't too sympathetic. you were a great friend and I'm glad to see on your Instagram stories sometimes, it's nice seeing you having fun with your friends on field trips, I only wish the best upon you and your future endeavors, I know you'll be something amazing in a few years.
Sorry for disappearing, I know you liked me, I didn't feel the same way, it was strange. I hope you're doing better now, I would reach out but I don't feel like vanishing again. you were kinda weird sometimes though.
You're a creep, you're disgusting. I hope you fucking die. I hope you vanish you piece of shit, you made my life so much worse. I would say that to you but I don't feel like unblocking you, and you'll mock me like always with your friends, like you always do.
Sorry for ghosting you, the age gap is strange, I know you like me and I don't want this to keep going. I just don't want to tell you that because it'll just upset you even more, sorry.
I forgot your actual name lol, anyway, I regret ever sending you nudes and feet pics you fucking pedo, just need to pray you never saved them. you looked handsome, but you're a disgusting pedo. why would you ever think it's a good idea to ask 15 year old me for pics?? also, I don't appreciate the strange remarks, why would you ever think it's a good idea to tell me your strange fantasies of marrying me and moving in with me when I was a child.
I love you but kinda hate you at the same time, I wouldn't wish my childhood upon anybody, why did you think that getting pregnant right after graduating was a good idea, I just fucked all of your hopes and dreams and made you miserable, and you made me miserable too.
I really don’t know what my life would be if I had never met you. It’s kind of scary how much you mean to me and it drives me insane sometimes. I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through because I was mentally fucked. I’m getting better now though but it still hurts every time I think about the things I’ve done. Sometimes it feels like you don’t like me anymore but it’s just in my head because you are still very sweet to me. I just want things to be okay from now on
Fuck you. Also fuck every one of your friends who saw what you were doing to me and laughed. You are a disgusting person and it honestly kills me to know that nothing is being done about it. I should have never had to meet you and although it’s been years and I’m much older now it still hurts. My life would be so much better if I never met you. I hope your life goes to shit
I would say a bunch of terrible things about you but you’re already a loser and you got what you deserved lool
I miss being your friend. I have no friends at all right now and you were the only somewhat real friend I ever had. I don’t even think you felt the same way about me but it’s ok lol. Thank you for being so nice to me back then and I wish we never lost contact. Also you were the only girl I’ve ever had a crush on before but I didn’t tell you because you started dating that guy. I really hope you’re doing well and you were so cool! I miss talking about our weird interests together
you used to drive me crazy. I miss your friendship but the drama is not worth it. I wish you the best though. You were literally like the male version of me and you brought out the worst in me so it’s better off that I stopped talking to you. I should have never gotten feelings involved but you were so fking nosey and I had an over sharing problem lol. It was hard at first to block you and never talk again because you were my only friend, but I have just become a better person since then, and I hope you have as well.
Dear -old internet friends-
You all were a bunch of gross incels and I feel gross that I was ever friends with you. The way you would talk to me and about other girls was gross and you are all just gross. It’s been a while since I stopped speaking to any of you so I hope you’re better people now I guess
For a long time you were the most important person in my life, I couldn't imagine a reality where I didn't marry you and we didn't grow old together. Your last name paired with mine sounded natural.
I have wanted to marry other men before but in a childish way, and deep down I never really believed any of the stupid ebfs I had would actually stick. It was always a fantasy but with you it felt completely real.
But eventually after some time, after we fell apart, started abusing eachother, and our relationship grew more toxic and I began asking myself "is there even a way out of this?"
I know I treated you bad, worse than you realize and worse than you treated me. Right now, because the breakup is fresh and all you can remember is the good things, the sense of comfort that you are now without. You don't notice how better it will feel when you don't have to deal with a girlfriend "as volatile as liquid nitrogen". Maybe I don't have a right to complain but at some point the sense of certainty I had that we would be together forever was less about the comfort and bond I felt for you, and I started wondering "is there going to be a way out, or am I trapped forever?"
So when someone else came along, even though I still loved you deeply, and never wanted to admit it to myself, I guess I took him as an exit ticket. You are right. I gaslit you and I gaslit myself. I'm sorry I couldn't be honest with you, it hurt to badly to admit I was running away from the person who met so much to me.
It hurts right now. It hurts finally recognizing our relationship for what it was, how we never stood a chance and everything I did wrong and knew I was doing wrong for months. In the start of this abuse you reassured me my behavior wasn't that bad and you were ok, and I wish you hadn't because I flew more out of control until everything we had was ruined.
In the very beginning, before we started this abusive cycle, things were wrong then too. When we got together I was in an awful mindset, probably one of the closest points I had ever been to suicide. For a long time I regarded you as my reason for living, but in hindsight I know I probably could have came up with a different reason like I always do. In reality, our relationship was born in a really bad place, for both of us, and in the beginning I wasn't very interested in you at all. Eventually because of the time I spent with you, because of the bond we shared and because you knew me better than anyone I loved you. That's why I always say time will make you love anyone.
I didn't want to have sex with you when we first met either. I was too spineless to say "no" when you climbed on me and started kissing me, and deep down I was a little scared that if I resisted you'd rape me. I know now you wouldnt do that but I didn't know you well at the time, and I was scared.
I lied to myself a lot after we had sex and met the first time, I told myself it was OK and that I liked it and nothing about you bothered me, when a lot bothered me. And I was in such a low mindset.
But in the beginning I never spoke my mind. I didn't speak my mind about how uncomfortable the sex made me and when I felt like I wanted to kill myself i didn't tell you because I figured you had it worse than I did. When something small bothered me I didn't say anything, like you playing videogames instead of talking to me. I deliberately made a martyr of myself, I always had the option to talk to you about these things but I made a martyr of myself. Maybe I liked feeling noble or something. I don't know.
I always thought if I could redo parts of our relationship I would redo the bad ones starting almost 8 months ago to stop myself from becoming abusive. But now I realize after penting up things that bothered me is what caused me to lose it on you eventually. And then I got used to acting entitled and angry, it was over from there.
What hurts the most isn't realizing how we never even had a chance or seeing what our relationship for what it was, its seeing who you really are for the first time.
You aren't someone I would have considered before. Sometimes your mannerisms bothered me. You aren't responsible or capable of independance, your emotions are out of control and you are high maintenance. You are a manchild. I always could recognize your were immature but after the bullshit you pulled, I realize you are a manchild. And you are at the point in your life where your immature behavior isn't understandable anymore like when we met, its off-putting seeing a man in his mid twenties behave like you do.
I'm afraid, afraid you will never be happy and get it together mostly. I guess when we were together I thought things would just happen for both of us when we moved in together, but neither of us have been putting in any effort to grow up. Especially you. And now that I see our relationship for what it is I am scared you won't ever be happy.
I'm scared of being without you, because every day for the last 1.5 years I spoke to you, you know me better than anyone and I don't know if I will ever have that again. I don't know if I have the energy and social competancy to get that kind of special bond with anyone else again.
I am afraid of what my future will look like. For the past 1.5 years I assumed I would be with you soon, and everything would work out, but now we are apart and I dont have anymore clear plans. My life is coming up fast on me and I need to do something or else life may just never happen for me.
For a while I just assumed life would hit me at the right moment, that all the things I needed to do I would do eventually, but I never put force effort of my own and my complacency was enabled by you. Now I am running out of time and I am afraid of how things will turn out. I have lived in depression for the last few years, even if not in extremes its always been there, I have been low energy and I don't think I will ever get relief. I won't get the energy to do the things I need. Sorry for being blunt but I am afraid I will turn out like you did.
I still miss you, and I love you very much. You were a key person in my life, I will feel your impact forever. I might never not love you a little bit. Sometimes I think about being together again, I still fantasize about sex with you. All this change hurts and losing you hurts, I find some comfort in my thoughts, but they are just fantasies. I have abandoned the idea of us ever working it out.
I hope your life goes well, more than anything. Maybe one day when things aren't so raw we can talk again, because the idea of never hearing from you again, someone so important just dropping out of my life is scary. It still hurts thinking about people I knew before who I will never ever hear from again.
I guess this is the next phase of my life.
I love you, goodbye.
I don’t think you believe in spirituality or that you believe in God, but if the current state of your life doesn’t convince you, then I don’t think anything will. And I thought I was experiencing some nasty karma but you truly are. Oh, the irony of it all. It’s kind of funny but not at the same time. I will continue to use your situation to remind me just how quick tables can turn and your life can crumble and to redirect me to the right path. Please don’t mention my name in conversation. I wasn’t considering talking to you ever again or befriending you. Why do you even want to be friends again? Do you not remember how you treated me? I was always a second choice to you and now we’re supposed to go back to being best buddies? I’m afraid being around you will trigger old bad habits so I’ll stay away from you. Additionally, many people have been reaching out to me. You told them about me? This is how I know you can not be trusted!! Please don’t ever mention me again. Let’s never be friends again. Don’t text me again. Don’t talk to me ever again. At least not for some years, after I’ve established myself.
I don't know why you found it so funny. Did you see it like some kind of comeuppance, for being annoying, or spoiled, or destructive? Did I just look so pathetic you had to laugh? It can't have been because it was an unreasonable question. I wanted to know when I was allowed clothes again, I wanted to know when I could leave the seclusion room. I phrased it as "my room", I don't really know why, all you actally said to me was "it's good you've accepted this as your room". In fact, I don't know why you were allowed to not answer my questions much less make fun of me for it. You babbled in babytalk, to imply I was being a baby, I suppose?
Maybe you had something worse going on in your life that justified it. Maybe you went through horrific child abuse and found it darkly hilarious that I was so distraught by a situation where I had plenty of legal protection. You all pinned me down so many times and for so long, I felt so powerless and desperate, but any bruises I ever had went away within a week or so. You let me keep my underwear. You usually gave me the option to take your sedatives and psychotropics orally, and most of the time I chose to resist because it seemed like a more meaningful choice. That I was concerned with such matters only goes to show.
But even so…
>>99388>don't talk to me ever again>unless I'm successful then talk to me so you can feel bad
there are so many personality disorders on this board it's unreal
It has nothing to do with success. Being established, to me, means having a job. I meant for them not talk to me again until a couple of years have passed.
It has nothing to do with them feeling bad, lmao. I mean I might be over it by then but don’t talk to me now.
Seeing what happened to you, the innocent beginnings to full blown physical destruction makes me feel guilty in a way. You were just a young guy who didn't know how to talk to women and only was comfortable talking to me cuz I was more masculine. The sexual abuse you were a victim of back when you were 15 by an older person was horrible and it seems it shaped your inability to really communicate with women. I should've seen it coming when you started buying cheap female clothes on Wish during the pandemic that it would devolve into this. I hate that I never said how I felt, how awful your fashion sense was, how awful your aggressive personality was around everyone, how awful your sexist remarks were while you tried to paint yourself as a left leaning progressive man like saying you wished you were a girl cuz they have an easier life. I was too much of a pickme back then to truly say how it was, the point of no return was when you got so mad at me when I told you to buy male clothes for a change cuz the new dress you got looked terrible on you. It showed me you were not worth it anymore, so I wouldn't care anymore to what happened to you. You're not a woman V and you will never be one, wasting £200 for DIY HRT is not gonna solve your deep emotional trauma, it's just gonna make it worse. Despite my harsh wording against you, I still consider you someone that I called a good friend, I enjoyed exchanging art, talking to you and watching shows and playing games together. It was simple fun, you were a man that had potential of healing and become the best version of yourself, which is why it hurts me that you went the trooning out route. Finding the Reddit account you kept away from me and other friends just shows me you're doing this out of a sick escapism fetish, what I've read there has made me very uncomfortable to continue being around you even if it's not the worst out there.
I just wish I said how I felt before this happened, I can't help but feel like it could've been avoided but I know you're your own person so you're not my responsibility, the feelings of guilt is just an annoying voice in my head. Regardless now it's too late, I can't focus on the past, I would tell you all of this but I know you would just call me a TERF and get very angry at me again. You never cared for women no matter how much you said you do.
So V, while you live in a lie, flirting with other TIMs on Reddit, just know there won't be a happy ending to this unless you wake up now. I can only hope you'll realise you're a traumatised male with unresolved deep issues and that you'll stop injecting yourself with bathtub estrogen, but I'm not optimistic. Your unresolved mental issues might just be your demise.
The guy I met all those years ago is dead, only an excuse of a man who lives as a mockery of a woman is left.
stop calling me, stop texting me, stop emailing me
you're just as manipulative as your parents
i can now see why you're so good at it
i hope you don't start looking for me at the places i usually go
you should really leave me alone just like you did when i needed you the most
I don’t know why you had the most hatred for me. What did you gain from treating me that way. Why pick on someone who did nothing to you. Why me specifically? All I want is an answer. What is it that I did to deserve such treatment from you? You’re now a trigger for me. You probably have things in your life that trigger you so why give that to me?
the day u tried to kill yourself has traumatized me and it pains me that you dont even care. i was so scared i thought i lost you. and now that youre gone im left here feeling so confused. we were best friends and i resent you for not even saying goodbye.
Checked up on you recently. Still hate you. I see you got a promotion on work.
sorry its taken me so long
i thought it was going to be forever, i thought that in some way it was going to work.
i just wish that your lies weren't lies the moment they left your lips.
even if many years will bury it, this is one of those things that will make me cry.
and despite everything, thank you.
I am so sick of you. You scrape and squander for attention and will step on just about anyone to get it, especially me. You flirt with my husband in front of me and I have to keep my cool. You are a backstabbing bully who will find any way to twist my words and make me look insane or braindead. I don't know how you do it and I don't want you in my life anymore. I just want you to leave me alone. One of these days I'm going to lose it and disappear for good, then you can have my friends, my husband, and everything else you've wanted.
fuck you dude, what you did is a rape and you can't change that fact no matter how hard you convince yourself that you are a "good guy, who wouldn’t even hurt a fly"
the fact that i was letting you do anything you want doesn't change the fact that this was rape, i was pressured, i cried every time, i wanted to kms after you took my virginity
the fact that i didn't understand why do i feel so bad and the fact that i loved you doesn't change the fact that this was rape
the reason i started questioning everything only when you broke up with me is that i stopped being afraid to think that you might be a bad partner
and also the fact that you said you want to beat the shit out of me for no reason when we've been on good terms
I'm so sorry.
I fucked everything up.
I love you.
I can't even put it into words. But I laugh so hard every time. I'm grinning like an idiot just writing this and thinking about it.
When you posted a picture of it on facebook I laughed so hard I had streams of tears down my cheeks and almost passed out from lack of oxygen.
You've made so many enemies over the years all you can do is impotently screech into the void and vow revenge on an enemy you can't even see. I hope the others got as much a laugh from it as I do.
Right!!! Like, don’t leave us hanging, nona!
i am sorry i stopped being emotionally intimate and trusting of you. i realize after a certain point i started being emotionally unkind, outright abusive at times. i would assume the worst of you even when you weren't doing anything. and maybe that pushed you to start doing unkind things yourself. i stopped giving you the benefit of the doubt and maybe you were hurt by that deep down.
i know we are too hurtful towards each other to ever be like we were when we first met. i know you're a good person deep down and you were just reacting to your environment, same as me. i hope we can both be better one day.
I was an atrocious girlfriend. I'm so sorry. We were both so unhealthy but I really did go off the deep end.
We'd have never worked out in the long run, I don't think, but I was such a wreck back then that I just made the inevitable collapse so much worse.
N, C and S,
God I was awful to you all as well wasn't I.
I wasn't trying to be, I really wasn't.
If L was an incredibly unhealthy and mutually destructive rebound relationship, all three of you were rebounds off the rebound and my god I was terrible. I tried to be good, I tried to be kind and caring, and I tried to love you all and I just couldn't do it.
I ghosted all three of you. S, you went full fruitloop and threatened violence so I don't feel bad for leaving, but N, C? You two were both better than I deserved.
I'm happy now, I've been in therapy and a great relationship for the last few years and it's going okay, but there's not a month goes by where I don't get crippled by guilt for being such a bitch when we were all in such bad places.
You all needed something I just wasn't able to be.
The worst part is that I think I grew because of that guilt. It feels like I'm some sort of fucking vampire, building myself up on the ruins of relationships that I destroyed with my own hangups and fuckups. Making myself better by making others' lives worse.
I accidentally stumbled across old chat histories whilst cleaning out an old laptop, and god. It killed me looking over the ashes of all these old friendships and relationships.
I'd like to think I'm better now? A better person, a healthier person. A kinder person?
But then I'm writing this anonymously rather than working up the courage to say anything to you all. So maybe fucking not.
I hope you're all doing well.
I hope you never ever think of me.
You came into my life when I was really weak and honestly very vulnerable. And I was so glad I met you. You were kind, interesting and so smart. You felt safe - I loved sharing my hobbies and eventually myself with you. It felt like you really understood me, like we had a meaningful bond. I remember how we'd talk about getting old and being old lady friends together - telling each other stories in the old folks home. But things got complicated. And you didn't want to deal with that, I guess. So you ghosted. I get it, but jesus. Ouch. It hurts to be abandoned by people I love. I still wait for you to message me again. I hear cars go by that sound like yours and I'll find myself checking out the window incase you came over. I think I'd still drop everything for you right now and it terrifies me how obsessed I was and still am. I don't think I want you in my life anymore really either. But god do I miss you, you cruel bitch.
I'm sorry for friendzoning you when we were 16. I had never come close to having a bf or gf before and I got so nervous that I didn't know what to do. I've liked you since we first met and I still like you now. I've thought about you almost every day and I can't stop. I love you so much as a friend but I wish we could be more
i look back on what we had in complete and utter confusion. you and i were undoubtedly intensely attracted each other for a long time, and you hid that you were still seeing and speaking to your ex girlfriend from me. you told me you loved me so many times. you wanted to get married a week into seeing me, and you were so incredibly clingy, passionate, and obsessive. it was so overwhelming, but i liked you as a person. but you wanted me on the side for all of your selfish gratifications, convincing me that you were hopelessly in love with me, wanting to spend every second with me. i don’t regret cutting you off. you are obviously extremely childish, and sick. you were exhausting, and you never gave me time to do stuff i love, like art or my homework. it’s a shame because you made me feel butterflies. after leaving a physically abusive relationship you made me feel like i was capable of love. but you faked every second of it. i shared my music and art with you. i shared my experiences, my favorite places. i gave you my all and you gave me lies on top of lies. and you had the audacity to come back one final time to insult me after i had cut you off. to tell me i never meant anything, and that i repulsed you, and you don’t care if i hurt myself or if i’m suicidal, after all the emotional support i provided to you.
i am confused as to how someone could be so cruel and oblivious to their actions. i’m confused as to why i was so oblivious to the person you are, and why i wanted to please you. i don’t even hate you. i feel nothing. i just feel confused as to why you even exist and were born into this world, and why you came into mine. you were a waste.
I cringed away from you in the hallways of our dorms because you seemed clingy. And to be fair, at the time you didn't seem like good people. Or at least the people I would leech onto. That's just to say you weren't someone who impressed me. But isn't that how all my friendships are born? People at my level. But you've outgrown me. It baffled me, back then. Your penchant for withdrawing in within yourself. Shutting the drapes when the day was particualrly arduous. I had never slept in the middle of the day before. But, impressionable little monkey-ish moi saw and imitated. Before long we were all stuck performing the habitual rites of superficial depressives. SLeeping more than working. Neglecing work more than not. That's when you started isolating yourself away from us. You (I had failed to recognize this at the time because I would never admit my rampant sentimentality even to myself) were pragmatic enough to realize we weren't the work sort of mates. Just the mates you shoot the shit with after a long day. I wasn't as pragmatic. Was I ever? I'm stumbling from one high chase to the next. The pleasurable pain of achievement long rendered a stranger.
But A. I wanted to believe in the lofty ideals of friendship. In the unorthodoxy of unutilitarian, platonic philia. I'm a surface-level cynic, so beyond my initial prudence, I attached myself. To the image of our friendship, and to your image. It embarrasses me to admit that the gradual fraying of our dynamic affected me profoundly. It's turned me skittish. It embarrasses me even more when I remember how flawed my perspective of the world is, and how it may be, groundless.
I miss you? Or maybe I just miss the days when I was young. Or maybe I miss the uncouth arrogance and self-assuredness with which I navigated the world back then. Or I miss the dynamism. The possibilities. I hate and envy you A. There is nothing about your life that genuienly appeals to me, but for the constant movement. I'm dead. I don't know when I died but I'm dead. I hate that I confided my ultimate moment of vulnerability with you. I hate that I was that weak. I hate that I am that weak.
I honestly don't know what to say to you.
When we broke up, beyond the vague allusions I'd made to a No contact pact which you'd so defly swerved past and I had not had the heart to insist upon, I considered our association over. Anything else was the sporadic, pitiful sputtering of a dying engine. So you call every once in a while to shoot the shit. And I feel so ashamed of verbalizing what I was truly feeling. That I was a small person underneath. I could muster up the tact and act happy for your good fortune. But really, all your apparent happiness just served to highlight how subpar my life was by contrast. And why? How did I consistently manage to seep through each crack until I settled here in the core of the earth? inaction. Inaction. B, you and I share nothing but memories and an unspoken propensity for suicideation. You thought I would kill myself over something you'd said? Really?
a part of me is still pissed off that you created random drama between me and other real people or people you would larp as. why? to make yourself feel more important? that's low and pathetic and you never apologized. yet you act cowardly at the thought of me doing the same thing, which i never did.
and honestly it really fucking bothers me. you didn't apologize. you acted like it's not a big deal and never admitted to doing anything wrong, even though i know you did. i just feel annoyed that your coping mechanism for being insecure is turning people against others and refusing to own up to your actions. that's morally wrong and deliberately hurtful.
i know you were sick of me but why do you continuously choose to ruin my reputation? when you cut me off it hurt but i learned to let it go with time, and i never spoke a word about you to anyone. so why do you insist on telling everyone we know to cut me off and drop me as a friend? people who do not even know me personally and only listen to what you have to hear. you don't know what happened to me last year yet you're out there running your mouth. i'm literally begging that you follow your own advice and let me go completely. this means not speaking a word about me, as if i don't exist. that's all i want.
what you did was wrong. you always deflect, just admit it. i question your moral compass and the quality of your character after you did those things, turning me against a girl i didn't know and larping as a friend to harass me when we first met. i admit that i acted badly towards you at times of anger by insulting you. that doesn't change that you shouldn't treat people that way.
i get what it is that bothers me. you deliberately tried to hurt me and still do. i can't stand people who behave like that. i don't understand why i gravitated towards you in the first place because i thought you'd get it, you'd get what it's like feeling like an outsider, but you turned out to be the exact type of person i disdain. i keep expecting you to just get it and why it's hurtful but it's like you refuse to.
i just have never met someone before that was that skilled at hiding their sadism. you were a harmless sperg in the beginning that i actually liked as a person. i don't get it, was that not who you really were? how is it that you were completely nice to me and had these full blown conversations with me about animals and insects and nature, then act like a drama obsessed egomaniac everywhere else? why is it that you compartmentalize those sadistic aspects of you into an entirely different persona? i just don't get it.
you pretend to be someone else and i can't be anything else except angry at you for that. i wish you would've just saved me the effort of getting to know you by never having spoken to me in the first place.
I used to look up to you so much, at one point you were kind, intelligent, and open when having a discussion regardless of whether you agreed or not. You seemed to see the best in me, and even though I was already involved in the hobby, your help and encouragement encouraged me to improve.
When he came to me and showed me what you honestly thought about me behind my back, and the fact that you allowed her to spew my private and most intimate secrets it broke me. If you hated me so much, why were you such a pussy that you couldn't make it clear?
You're now an evil hateful person. All you care about is yourself and your fragile ego. I hope one day it comes crashing down on you and your career is ended so no one else is manipulating you into trusting you ever again.
You and your pet deserve each other,
b, at the end of the day i just pity you. the way you act, who you are, is fundamentally unloveable and everything about you is just trying to escape that truth instead of trying to make things better. i'm angry at you because you refuse to own up to your actions.
because yes, you are fundamentally unloveable. people refuse to be emotionally intimate with you for a reason. i am not even trying to be an asshole, because you're so concerned with trying to knock me down a peg all the time - they refuse to be emotionally intimate for a reason. it's not in your head.
and you wanna know the funny thing? everyone, and i mean everyone you likely have ever met, fucking sees through it. trying to constantly start drama between people, constantly seeking attention and validation from others by being an insufferable, manipulative asshole, trying to position yourself as the head honcho of whatever group or person you try to wrangle and manipulate into getting your hands on. it's not that they really thought you were that important and that you really were superior to them. they just didn't fucking care enough to tell you.
im sorry but thats just the fucking truth.
i still think about you and how i could've gotten seriously hurt. she was just a kid and so was i. the more i think the more it hurts and i don't see the people from the place you made as good anymore after many years, but i'm not much better. i hate you but i miss having someone who'd talk and care about me, especially at my lowest, or just really someone to talk about anything to and not feel obliged to censor myself or uphold an image. i took the shit you did all day. a few people did. now i am a master retard typer haha. anyways i don't know. i wish i had someone safe to go to, and didn't waste all these years.
you are the most wonderful person i've ever met. i don't know what it is, but i'm always excited and joyful like a dumb golden retriever when you're around. i enjoy our chats, and you are just a really sweet and interesting person. you care, and it means alot for someone like you to care, because i know anyone else would toss me out. i don't know if we'll ever talk again after life moves on but i'd be the happiest girl ever if we could be proper friends.
fuck you. fuck you. it’s been a long time but i hope you know that from your friends accounts who try to stalk me on social media you still think about me. fuck you and your oblivious friends who have no clue the kind of vile person you are. i trusted you, i thought you were my best friend. you and i did everything together, and i thought you were such a caring and funny girl. how fucking stupid i was. i comforted you about your failing situationships with random men while i was hopelessly in love with the guy who took my virginity, and you went behind my back to go after him, suck his dick behind my back multiple times? you’d call me to tell me about the encounters, always ecstatic. and you’d just switch his name to an exs name. you’re a fucking worthless narcissistic whore. you had zero remorse for your actions. i made you matching bracelets with me because i thought we were best friends from how often we hung out and we talked daily. and i saw you began to distance yourself from me through your dry responses and here i was feeling sorry for you. i thought it was because of family issues because that’s what you would vent to me about, and i wanted to support you so i tried, and all you told me was “no thanks”. you were only sad because he cut things off with you and told you about how much he liked me and that he felt sorry. you couldn’t stand being jealous of me, when i had no clue what you were doing, you are fucking pathetic. but pathetic doesn’t even cut it, because you’ve done this same thing to other girls too, making yourself a victim in every failed friendship story. never have i met a person who would disrespect other women and themselves so much. your entire friendship with me was a fucking lie and i hate myself for being stupid enough to trust you but i hate you even more for being such a good liar. i hope you’re miserable and i hope you kill yourself. i hope your mom continues to abuse you and i hope more men continue to pump and dump you because that’s all you know how to do other girls, lie and use them for emotional support to compensate for your low self esteem. and then hate them when they’re prettier or better off. i mean this from the bottom of my heart, kill yourself. the world would be a better place without you.
Someone mails something to this person that comes out of an arse and puts glitter in the box. They also switch up the packaging quite often and goes to great creative lengths with the sealing to make sure that the unpackaging is messy.
Not me though. I'd never do that. Makes me laugh when they flip out on social media about it though.
Oh, it’s just that? I assumed it was anthrax
you just aren't a good person nor are you trying to be. i just feel bad because you don't at least try and it's wasted potential. i don't know what people did to you to make you that way but i really hope you snap out of it one day.
emphasis on trying to be
what did i ever do to you that was as bad as accessing my personal accounts with private information on them and trying to intimidate me with that data, mocking me whenever i tried expressing my feelings, and larping as or using other people to harass me because you felt like it? everything i did was reactive and i don't know why you just felt randomly compelled to harass me one day when i never did anything to you. because i said edgy/racist/"""pedo""" shit required you to completely destroy our relationship when i was always open to communication? i'm not a good person but i valued our friendship and i genuinely don't understand why you felt the need to deliberately hurt me.
To my entitled boomer boss
Fuck you I quit
I appreciate you trying to work with me despite declining mental health but you pay like shit and demand the world of me and then bitch when I can't give it to you
So now you get to load your fucking truck yourself or get that moid to help you that you replaced me with
Don't fuckin call me spoiled in turn though, you've been the most entitled cunt I've met and think I'm not good enough
to be honest, i just don't like you as a person. i think we just have very incompatible personalities and i just find myself incredibly annoyed at you when i do interact with you. i'm not sure what feelings you would have that would alleviate this feeling. i only dislike feeling this way because i think our life experiences are so similar.
even more honestly why are you such a shit person. how are you intelligent but you're a druggie pseudo narcissistic fuck in your middle 20s? why the fuck aren't you better? what a fucking waste.
also i hope you realize either your ex girlfriend was a mega bitch or you're just a mega bitch on your own, i don't know how you ended up this way. at least the guy im trying to get over was a legitimately nice and accomplished person.
why are you so passive aggressive you can't speak to me directly? i was drunk. i'm sick of having read your retarded ass larps.
and doesn't it fucking bother you? how many other people have you done this with? plus with you plastering your face and identity all around 4chan, it's just you trying to impose the same trauma onto other people.
>>102935>i said edgy/racist/"""pedo""" shit
I've been on the other side of this. You're not a victim.
Everything is life in full circle o whatever happens to you or me, we had coming.
that sounds like something he would say. i don't think anything i said warranted any of the stuff he did.
and very few people are perfect victims.
I enjoyed the brief time we had working together. I didn't get to say goodbye to you on my last day and I am sorry for that. I think you're one of a kind and I have no doubt in my mind a nice girl will notice that one day. I knew there was mutual attraction between us. I think you felt it too. But neither of us could ever act on these feelings. I still think about you sometimes and feel bad that I probably left an emptiness inside of you. One day though, you won't think of me and you'll even forget what I look like
It's been a few years. Sometimes I still think about you and wonder what you and G are up to. It's taken me a long time to come to peace with how our friendship ended, and there was never any closure for me. It ended on a miscommunication, with no way to contact you to try and set things straight. I had stopped talking to you, and to everyone, because my father had finally passed away after his long battle with cancer. I just didn't have it in me to talk to anyone. It was wrong of me to ghost you still, and I'm sorry for that.
It was very surprising to receive that note from you out of the blue and how you blocked me immediately after. I didn't really have any clue what you were accusing me of. I still don't. For a long time I felt pretty betrayed and suspicious; it felt like a lot of people set this up and targeted you through me when all that stupid drama was going down. But I have no way to contact you to ask, even now - our friendship was just… over. We were friends for only a few months, but I felt like we had a lot in common. I was so excited to talk to you about those Robin Hobb books I read on your recommendation. I liked them, btw.
We met online during a time in my life that I was going through a lot; I was caring for my dad, I was sick and needed several surgeries that I'm finally on the other side of, I got an asperger's diagnosis, and I was juggling this with school and homelife. You had your faults, but I thought you were a good, caring person, I loved the fun little art and character things we did together, watching you and g play games, listening to your worldbuilding or your latest DnD experiences. I'm sure you've moved on but I'll always enjoy those memories whenever I revisit them.
i hope you and g are doing well.
I'm so fucking glad you finally learned to take a damned hint. Thank you for leaving me alone. I don't know why I put up with you for all those years. I should've cut you out no questions asked the first time you fucked up.
i don't think i'm good enough for you and i can't keep feeling this way anymore. thank you for staying with me even when i was hysterical but i can't put either of us through endless conflict anymore. i don't want to fight anymore - i'm not good enough for you and it's apparent when i listen to the things you say and the things you're frustrated about. i hope you can find someone who is and sorry i kept clinging even when i sensed this. -j
you still can't admit wrongdoing. if i had to say anything on my behalf, it's that i shouldn't have used slurs to insult you. i shouldn't have gone on a smear campaign. but i genuinely do think you do have npd if you can't admit anything bad you did. i am never gonna be enough for someone with npd and i think i realized that a long time ago. a part of me is still hoping you can admit wrongful behavior and i'm not right about you. but if that doesn't happen i guess we both understand why we had to drift apart. i'm sorry i clung so long without saying this stuff sooner.
im not gonna stop monitoring boards. i'm not gone even if we don't contact each other anymore.
I didn't realise how much of a great friend you are until we finished school and you moved away. I don't know how I would have coped without you during those last years of high school. Whether it was intentional or not, you encouraged me to do my best and you told me I was smart when I felt stupid. I will always be grateful for you and I'm convinced that our meeting was divine timing.
I miss when we used to have such long conversations. I wish that we talked more nowadays. There's so much that I want to tell you but I feel like I can't at the moment. I hope that I can see you in person soon, and I hope that I will get to see you more in the future.
first of all, you don't even deserve that I type your name letter.
How dare you. How dare you?
How dare you? There were multiple times that I could've left with at least some dignity left, and you were very aware of that. But you HAD to destroy me, otherwise you would've been in doubt of what to do still. It's easier to choose once one of your options has hit the lowest of lowest I guess.
But how dare you play with me like that until I collapsed under my nerves? Was it really that hard to at least let me sleep at night?
i dont forgive you
i dont hate you or wish any harm i just want you to leave me alone and be happy i dont care if forgiveness will make you happy i honestly dont care. maybe i suck for not caring. but i dont believe "love" is some force to fix everything. im sorry you got dealt a shit hand but i dont forgive you for doing what you did for ages and i dont care that you didnt realise. ill forgive you when i heal and unlearn the shit you did to me. tell me "what if i die tomorrow" 1000 times i dont care. "family is always there" yeah nah you wanted to leave, some degenerate online was there for me though. i dont like you as a person. i feel like i should just be like whatever i love you i forgive you he heehehe lets do some awesome mother daughter things but im tired of lying, i dont want to be around you, your way of dealing with everything isn't mine, youre not getting forgiveness and i want to be left alone
I'm going to be very earnest right now. Don't do this anymore, it is bad for your soul. I do not know if you are just taking a piss and trying to fuck with me or you are just a very awkward but good person, either way this is not good for you. You need to get some real companionship. Any sort, like friends, you don't have to be butt buddies but you just need someone to have your back. I'm saying this because I think you are a very lonely person. You don't even know me in any substantial way and you can't read me. That's why what you think of me is a baseless projection and why you can't convincingly larp as me. I'm sorry if I ever did or said anything in the past to piss you off for whatever reason, but truthfully it's just called being dumb online shitposting to random strangers. Right now is the most honest and true to me you have ever see, no bullshit or theatrics or anything whimsical. I'm speaking to you from human to human. Sorry for being a normalfag and moralfag (which I am), but really it is the best for you. Don't do this to your soul anymore, parasocial relationships are dehumanizing and you are wearing yourself out. I am not saying this as self-preservation because I know you can't hurt me, you are the one who is hurt the most and at the very least bothering bystanders. When I see you I feel very sad, I do not know why. I just have very mixed and confused feelings. I only said those identifiers to confirm whether you are still there or not to know if I should should address this because this has been stirring in my mind for quite some time. You may think I'm bullshitting when I say I feel compassion for you in spite of being strangers, but truthfully I really do feel some bit of compassion. Peace.
Why don't you actually send this to them? Might help them move on, whatever the situation is.
I already did, it's over. Funny thing is he is a schizo stalker. We never really talked and I never hurt anyone personally or of serious consequences beyond annoying internet strangers which honestly I do feel bad about, being an annoying and dumb fuck that is. That's really all it took for him to want to fuck with me, which is funny because I left wherever he found me some time ago, never cared about staying there or talking to anyone there either. But I didn't think anyone would want to bother some nobody's ass. The person never cared about me either he just needed someone to target to fill his own emptiness and sadness, he has nothing to move on in regards to me but rather is fundamentally damaged and needs to look inward. I don't know shit about him either and I have no part in it because I'm just a nobody. I think he's just a sad guy from observing his actions.
It's kind of you to sympathize with his being unhinged. If you have a passionate personality, there'll always be people who fixate on you, whether due to jealousy or fascination, and even though it's sad, it's not your responsibility. Just live your best life and keep doing what makes you happy, nona.
Not so much passionate or kind, but honest. He only latched onto me because I said some whimsical over-the-top shit. Most likely a serial stalker. I also think he is a projecting npd, he projected quite a lot of criminal offenses such as drug use and soliciting underage girls' nudes, creating a projection as a scapegoat for his sins. A vile pedo scrote discord groomer. And don't worry, it is no skin off my back, because I know he cannot get in touch with me as I do not contact anyone on the internet outside of anonymous postings, I have no reputation to protect, I am an ordinary loser nobody. I know he is reading this too. To him, I will say god has you in his palm. We are his audience, the spectators of his dream. We are nothing before him. He watches you like an ant, and when he has had enough of you he will crush you into his fist. You are chained, most of your ilk are, and you all can't resist to chain all the brokenhearted and the downtrodden together into misery. Keep reveling in that degeneracy and your looming shadow will consume you whole. But you will probably never unplug and continue to bully and hurt mentally ill girls until they destroy themselves. I have learned quite a lot just from observing you, I didn't even know what personality disorders are so thanks for that. You are like a school bully, a pitiful one. I wonder if people like you will ever understand true freedom and complacence. Sorry for spamming btw, I'm done for good. That's it bye bye stalker kun I will never acknowledge you again.
youre not a mastermind autist. crusty fucking deadeyed loser. youre a druggie nobody. kys.
stop larping as me. i dont want anything to do with you anymore. leave me alone.
please leave me alone. im not interested in you romantically or platonically. the inability to talk about wrongful behavior is a dealbreaker to me. i regret sharing boards with you. if you recognize my posts ignore them. forget my writing style. leave me alone. do not purposefully try to use boards to communicate to me.
stop taking my posts personally. i post what interests me. i dont think of you. dont respond if you recognize my posts. i dont want to recognize you on boards. leave me alone.
stop starting shit. stop disrupting my life. i dont enjoy your drama. leave me alone.
Are you here? lol
Please take me outside sometimes, I need green grass and fresh air and mountains and water, I know you like video games on the weekends and I like them too but I really need time outdoors
Tomboy in relationship with man in IT
I think I figured it out, you were a woman obsessed with me. Yes, there is a guy but he's your friend or maybe ex or lover who was helping you out. The narc stalker was actually a woman who wanted to somehow be involved with me for whatever reason only god knows. It's okay, I'm not angry at you or anyone, water under the bridge. I was only upset because of what you have done to hurt others in your life but You did nothing wrong to me personally. The only person you have to apologize is to yourself. Thank you, truly, I'm not being passive aggressive at all. I know you have gone through a lot of pain in your past, and there is something that is killing you inside. You can smear the me you made, that's okay. I want you to get creative, say some crazy shit she did and be sure you really let it all out. Pin it all on her, everything you have done wrong, and maybe then you can move on and forgive yourself for what you have done in the past. I'm sure you are a very beautiful woman, I can feel it. You are very pretty lady, aren't you? Thank you for loving me. Please kill me with all your heart and soul so you can be reborn. I've never had someone love me so much, thank you. Thank you for remembering me but please forget me. I hope you erase me from your mind. In a weird way, I love you too, you crazy woman, even if you have committed many wrongs. But we will never meet again, it's for the best it's time I have to go somewhere else. I can't help but think that you are trapped in a time loop, the snake that cannibalizes its own tail. Time should be ephemeral yet for you it has frozen. I don't know if the passage of time will ever flow back to normal for you, but I really hope it does eventually. Thank you for teaching me so much, and thank you for killing me. Now I'm really going back to no contact. Sorry to the anons on this imageboard who have to deal with this. Farewell.
you have taught me so much, humbled me quite a lot. Thank you. I have been killed and reborn. Even if you have done horrible things, somehow, I know you are still human. You can't be a devil, it doesn't suit you. I'm really going to leave forever now.
P.S. I also think maybe you were just making fun of me the whole time though, if that's the case it's ok. I don't care either, makes a funny memory right? Laugh it off, laugh at me whenever you need a fixer upper. If it makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone, it makes you happy. You laughing and mocking me doesn't really hurt me so I'm fine with it, it's cool.
okay. move on with your life.
i left you 8 years ago but i still love you
This isn’t real, but it brings me closure
like 2 days later
like 7 days later
Me: Sorry for saying “hey” three times
like two weeks later
Me: why aren’t you responding
Her: theres a reason im ignoring you. my girlfriend caught you looking at her tiktok. care to explain that.
Me: I found her instagram profile on my alt account out of curiosity, then she changed the name to “name” and I saw her in the search bar. Then I found her tiktok.
Her: “out of curiosity” is an odd way to put it
Her: i get that youre probably dealing with a lot of difficult feelings (i know i did) but you viewed it like 20 times.
Me: my bad
Me: wdym “i know i did”
Her: anon, i have to be honest here, im tired of acting all warm around you and i dont want to be your friend. i know we got off to a good start but it seems as if your behavior hasnt changed all that much. as much as this may hurt you, youve done some pretty iffy things like fighting with my friend, cyberstalking my girlfriend and even straight up insulting people. you dont seem to get along with my friends and frankly, we dont have that much in common. not to say that we havent had good times, but you only seem to be holding on because you have a crush on me. im sorry, but its never happening.
Me: i was honestly thinking about leaving too, but didnt. talking to you makes me feel desperate, but i still had hope we could still be friends somehow. i dont know how i thought that.
Her: goodbye. its been nice besides everything
I really did care about you. I don’t know what happened, I hope maybe one day you’ll reach out to me but maybe that just me being naive. You are the first person in awhile I was this vulnerable with. I wish you trusted me with your feelings. I really hope you can heal one day, I know loving someone can only do so much
I like you a whole lot. I hope I can see you soon. I wish things were different but it's okay, I'll figure something out.
I hope you're doing okay (and I'm still into you)
I'm not sure if you're playing some kind of a cruel joke on me again.
Remember why you messaged me? Because I was venting about everyone leaving me, being afraid of constant loneliness, never having anyone to be there for me and not knowing what to do to fix it.
Not a week has passed of us talking and you hit me with "sorry but I don't want to talk to you anymore" bullshit. I explain the cruel irony of it all to your dumb little brain and tell you how you hurt me feelings and you backpedal immediately
>I regret saying it I just didn't know how to process what has been on my mind
>you don't know how fucking sorry I am
This is the moment I wish I would just accept it and wipe our chat and ignore your attempts to talk to me. But I didn't, I continued to talk to you, we even poured our hearts out for each other at some point.
>Anon I wish you knew how much i wanna meet you and hug you
Some time later, you ask if it's (us talking) over. I ask why is it over?
>Well, you only respond when I text first. And when I wanted you to be there for me (he was drunk) you weren't
>I apologize and I promise I'll fix it
>Start texting him first
>Everything goes well for some time and he texts me too
And now it has been almost a month since we last talked. I know you say you have uni and stuff that made you text people less but something tells me you still keep in contact with the 14 year old who confessed to have feelings for you, but you said you want to "just be friends". Something tells me you have an urge to be with her, because you both behave like overemotional narcissists who would blame their suicide on their friends for not being there enough for them.
You said if it ends it should end on a good note? Seems like you played me again, and it was never in your intention to leave in good terms.
I wish I stopped talking to you back then, so you'd feel regret for saying dumb shit without thinking beforehand. I wish I would delete whatever messages we had on telegram and see your attempts at contacting me on the website we first met, ignore them, and laugh.
You're immature, a hypocrite, overemotional, egoistical, and you can't control your drinking habits. I sincerely hope you never make it and I hope everyone who you love leaves you, just so you could feel what it's like. It's the least that you deserve.
kek. yup, i still feel resentment towards you.
Why are you feeling anything but disgust over a pedo?
who even are you? definitely not the moid I was talking to, so just a moid trying to instigate feelings in me?
Just to be clear I don't feel attachment to him, never had any romantic feelings for him either. At first he felt like a friend, than an annoyance, now another ill-minded moid.
I don't have proof of him being attracted to the 14 year old but him talking to someone 6 years younger than him is already suspicious. Tbh, if he does text me someday I'm willing to jeopardize our "friendship" and ask if he's been keeping up with his 14 year old 'friend" but not with the 21 year old.
i just want you to piss off. how hard is it? you seriously just annoy and disgust me. if youre the friend, youre a shitty fucking friend. if youre the person i know, im literally just gonna keep ruining your life if you dont stop trying to communicate with me.
Then I'm definitely not the person you know because I have stopped communicating a while ago, unless you think a month is too short of a time span to be considered that. You're either mistaking me for someone else or you're baiting because my post caught your interest.
On a side note for anyone reading this: he's not ruining my life, while I did have situations where being left has broken me a little, this isn't one of them. It's mostly disappointment, regret (of not cutting him off at the first opportunity & wasting time on him) and mild disgust.
shut the fuck up i recognize your fucking writing style. youre a shit fucking person just fuck off already??? stop roping me in your bullshit i seriously just feel irritated every time i read your posts. i resent you, stop talking to me and find other people to waste time with. you already revealed yourself by larping as me cunt, so just piss off. no one likes you, find other people and waste their time. why the fuck do you still try to fuck with me. get a fucking hint - i resent you and your shitty social circle, piss the fuck off.
And I don't recognize yours, which just tells me you have unmedicated schizophrenia
stop fucking trying to communicate with me and ill stop acknowledging you on the boards. im not even fucking intentionally trying to communicate with you. i dont give a shit anymore about your random drama i just feel annoyed and disgusted at this point.
I don't have a problem with you acknowledging me at all, and I know you know you can just stop replying, so you're definitely trying to bait lol. And if not, meds.
Get a discord room and stop spamming this board please.
You need to leave that Satanic cult you're in, it's not just memes at the higher levels.
this bitch just messaged me. should I?
leave me alone you ugly cunt. im not interested in you.
You'd always act all mighty and perfect, as if you weren't just as broken on the inside. It just all felt so hypocritical. It wouldn't have been that bad if you also didn't partake in shaming people for being vulnerable, just because you were too scared to show your own weaknesses, and instead always brag about all your achievements. In doing so you'd sometimes lie too, but I'm not sure you even realized. I don't know how I was supposed to trust you and believe you wouldn't have hurt me.
I hope you'll get better at empathizing with people and stop bragging all the time because it's not doing you any favors. I wonder how you can even manage to have friends still. Must be pretty privilege
For probably the last year, though you've stayed concerned for me and worried for my well being and health, your continued pestering on my health has made my situation worse overall.
After mentioning several times that people worrying about me is a source of serious discomfort, your continuous efforts to force me fully into your life and under your care are in vain. I do not need the help of someone who in the long run will be completely inconsequential to my life, which will end in due time. I don't want anyone worrying for my declining health, nor do I want to be reminded of it 24/7 by people like you who persist on me focusing solely on appeasing your savior complex. I don't care for you as much as you want me to, and I care even less for you trying to "fix" me. My issues are beyond what you can fix, unless you can become a surgeon over night. Otherwise, I will not be meeting you irl, I will not be living in whatever squalor you call a home, and I will not simply uproot my life to be with someone I barely know.
I'll never be honest with you, but when you tell me my disability is fake, that I'm useless and a complete failure at life, it does get to me. A lot.
you make my life so fucking difficult. i've wanted to die because of you so many times. im not sure if you even know how much you affect me. i keep these feelings inside because i don't want to make you feel bad. you should feel lucky i give you so many chances. you've hurt me too many times. i know you are good in your heart. i know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. but if you had thought longer than you did, everything would be normal right now. but you had to go and be impulsive. you make me so sick, you make me so happy, you give me purpose, you make me wish i was dead. you make me so fucking crazy. i do all of this for you. every fucking thing. think about it. i go through all of this for you. it doesnt benefit me at all, but it does you, so i go through with whatever it may be…please understand, i've given my entire self to you.
I hope you suffer for the rest of your life.
I miss you, but not what made me tell you to leave. I looked up to you. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. I think you turned me into your FP. I thought you were more mature than that. I think you wanted me to date you even though I told you several times I'm not attracted to you. I think that you put too much pressure on me to regulate your mood. I hope you actually do the work
You’re very funny & smart. It bothers me that you are looking around on dating apps, because I don’t think anyone on those apps could appreciate you as much as you deserve. I fear that you will settle in your future relationships & never be appreciated for who you are. What you said a few weeks back was so sweet, I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that sharing your emotions and being vulnerable with people will get easier for you. I wish I could help you.
Im sorry guys, I tried, I really did. You guys are the best group of friends I’ve ever met in my entire life. You gave me a place to feel safe and comfortable. You gave me community. You gave me the whole world and I love you guys for it. But this depression is killing me. I can’t sleep, eat, shower, I can’t even talk to you, even though it’s the thing I love most in the world. I can’t tell you how deeply I care for you, how I care for all of you. But I can’t fight this anymore. I know if I tell you this, you’ll try ti help, but I won’t. I don’t want you to have a tainted view of me. I don’t want to be the person who sucks the life out of a room. I don’t want to be a burden.
I’m sure you’re gonna realize something’s up when I’m not here anymore. Maybe one day of no contact isn’t fishy, but two? I wish I could tell you what happened to me, but doing that would just hurt you. I’d rather you just think I moved on. That I stopped going online, maybe I’m busy with a job ir new, irl friends. Sometimes it’s better not to know where that person went. I’m already hurting a lot of people by doing this, I don’t need to add more. I’ve taken all the meds, and I’m drinking too. Either I’m gonna have the worst hangover ever, or I won’t come back. That’s why you’ll never read this. Because the embarrassment of failing is more important than if I actually succeed.
I love you guys, more than anything
you made the wrong enemy.
love and rainbows, T
Why won't you just leave me?
Why are you asking me to leave if you hate being a burden to me?
It's because that way, you can tell to yourself that you aren't the one that ruined everything right?
You're a loser with zero boundaries. All you can do is complain and victimize yourself.
You taught me how to experience romance and then you broke my heart. Over five years later, you still haunt me in my dreams. I wish I could run away from my current life and back into your arms, at least the "you" I had before you stopped caring about me.
I’ll always remember you as you were. I still check your media sometimes and you’re still so beautiful. I wish you’d tell me why you stopped talking to me. So often I see a girl on the street and think it’s you. I miss you so much and they say it gets better with time but it doesn’t seem to.
You dumb girl!
Why are you helping that scrotal asshole who can't even understand how to treat women and keeps taking advantage of their poor boundaries!?
I'm really sorry for hurting you but just why the fuck are you doing this to me? It's very painful to just be around you and trying to talk to you. I understand that you're depressed and suicidal but why are you so fucking insecure? Can't you understand that I'm trying my best to be around you despite how emotionally draining you are? Why are you constantly trying to question me and ask me if I'm going to leave you? That's what I'm thinking about all the time. You're pulling me down with you. I'm drowning with you. You're making me feel really guilty for even thinking these things. It hurts so much. Just fucking stop making me feel guilty. Just fucking stop being so depressed and making me waste my time and life. I just want to fucking leave you because of how self-destructive you are and you're destroying me with you. Fuck you for being depressed and draining me emotionally. I want to choke you and slap you so hard to snap you out of it. Stop being so self-absorbed and think about the people who exist around you. Just fucking consider their feelings for one time. Not everything has to be only about your depressed and sorry ass. I hate you.
Getting off this vomit from my chest isn't helping at all. Fuck.
That sucks so badly, but it is very sweet of you to stick around and help them through their depression. Just remember: self-care is important too. You put on your oxygen mask first during an airplane emergency. If helping them isn't sustainable, take a break.
For a very long while now, I've suffered from a sort of existential vacuum. I wasn't depressed. But I did find myself just drifting by the currents of life, so to speak. Viktor Frankl said that a man's meaning in life is entirely personalised from person to person. Well, I am a hundred percent convinced that I have found my purpose in life: it's you. I'm sorry if this sounds pathetic but allow me to be selfish for once in my life: I'm in love with you. I bear this selfish wish for us to get married and retire together to a cabin in the woods.
Thanks, and yeah… an oxygen break could help. It's suffocating being around depressed people.
I hate feeling sorry for you but I can't help it. I feel very bad looking at you. You're young but you've already become very toxic. It's very sad to see you destroy your own life just by associating with other toxic people who pull you down with them. They probably have a brighter future because they're more talented than you but you got nothing. I wish I could say to you that I hope you'll have a better future and you'll move on from all this but I don't know.
why did you have to do that? I mean, I get it, life's shit and all. but now I'm the age you were when you offed yourself. it's hard, really, envisioning a future for myself. I mean, it's not your fault, my life's shit. there's nothing that brings me joy, and when the psychiatrist asked me what would bring me happiness, I genuinely didn't have an answer, because I've been offered everything, I have everything I could possibly need, yet I'm still deeply unhappy.
I've been toying with the idea for so many years now. and now I feel like I'm running out of time - because how could I possibly outlive you? that'd be like, leaving you behind. I just cannot let you go. I know all about, moving on, and not dwell on the what ifs, but I can't. I just fucking can't. why has it been so many years and I still cannot move on?
then I finally visited you. I told you, how hard it was to see your name marked on a piece of stone. it's just not fair for anyone.
I really miss you you know. if that's even possible.
I honestly hate dealing with your bullshit.
You think you're having a conversation with me but you're just talking to yourself lmfao. All I have to do is just say yeah and okay and modulate it to make sure I don't sound repetitive. It's very sad that this is what you expect from me because you get mad all the time and accuse me that I'm trying to lecture you when I'm just giving my opinions and responding with my genuine thoughts. You can't handle even a single difference of opinion. Yeah, right, okay, and, alright. Keep talking to yourself. I'll put no effort in this. Fuck you.
There's a boy I went to high school with for a year before he switched classes. Autistically, I used to stare at him pretty regularly during class. I was fantasizing about what it would be like if he was my older brother (we looked kind of similar and had a hobby in common). Sometimes I also wondered if he and his best friend were gay for each other.
At the end of the year, one of our teachers made us write each other cards with some meaningful sentence on them. He wrote something like "thanks for staring at me ;)". I was a loser and social outcast in my class, so he was obviously trying to embarrass/bully me and thought I had a crush on him.
Nothing would give me more relief than telling his worthless ass that I actually thought he was ugly and wasn't attracted to a single person in that class.
dealing with suicide is hard. Dealing with loved ones is harder. Feels like its stopped forever. Its part of acceptance that you have done the best what you would've done, that eases the pain. One step at a time. There no better or worse way, just a way.
Just shut up. God, you're talking too much. Stop talking. I can't follow you at all. Please! Stop talking too fast! God damn it.
God, please! Almost an hour and you're still talking. I can't take it anymore!
I feel very miserable simply being around you. You're not the scrote that I fell in love with anymore. You never were. You were a lie through and through, and you can't lie to me anymore. You're a certified asshole who cares about nobody else but yourself. You act like you care, but you always put yourselves first over others. You'll never accept that you are wrong, and if I try to reason with you that you did something wrong, you blame me for thinking so and expect me to assume something to make sure that you aren't wrong. You were a source of comfort to me but I'll never come to someone as miserable as you for emotional comfort ever again, even if things got better for you. You are very rude to me by ignoring that I exist, you can't empathize with my problems, and then you even get violent at times. Every single thing that I say these days to you hurts your sensitive ego. The only way I can avoid saying anything hurtful is to just make you talk to yourself. The only replies that you are going to get from me now are "okay" and "yeah" while I waste my precious time indulging you with your pseudointellectual brainvomit which makes you think that you're actually being of some use to me but I'm just bored and talking with you is a waste of time. I'm digging my own grave by being around you. I feel nothing when we do something together. I used to be happy when we spent time together but now I feel nothing. I put absolutely no effort to make sure we have a good time. I'm just there and I feel completely dead inside when I'm with you. I know that you're only with me because you're a lonely miserable loser and you don't have anyone else. You don't like me either. You lie that you like talking to me because I'm baffled that you can't even notice that my replies are just one word for most of the time. I hope I get the strength to leave you one day because I'm honestly done with your shit and I don't think I can even respect you like I used to again. You're just one big fat mass of regret to me.
You have typed every single word I want to say to my bf. Sending love to you nona
i miss the levity you brought into my life
it’s not easy connecting with other people that way. it’s hard meeting people who understand me and my feelings. did you? or did I just teach you how to pretend you did?
you seemed to love so freely and easily and it made me suspicious - why? I don’t know which of these conjuncts I’m asking that question to.
what do you think of me? what do you think I’m thinking? what do you think I feel about you?
there’s this bizarre, effortless, spontaneous quality to humor, affection, and being able to spin off little songs in the exact style I loved. idk how you embodied that quality so thoroughly as a person. I’ve never met anyone like that
talk to him about this. This is lack of communication and yeah you'll scream at each other and even break up, but its better than suffering in silence.
Too scared and also 80% of time is good… :(
don't break up - being disgruntled in a relationship is infinitely better than being alone and missing them
>>105806>being disgruntled in a relationship is infinitely better than being alone and missing them
…Or learn to live alone rather than settle for misery because you can't bear your own company?
golden cup flower.…
I hope you've come to realize how you've deceived yourself into believing anything good can come from the path you've been on, when we both know what's in store for those that seek to gain power only at the expense of another.
I thought there must be a way to help you out of the living hell you've found yourself in, yet by the way you spat on my trust repeatedly, it seems you don't believe you're worth any better. Now, I can only offer a silent prayer for your inner peace and healing.
It feels so unfair that I should miss you as badly as I do. For most of our relationship I was not present.
When we got together I wasn't particularly interested, I liked you as a person but didnt feel much of a spark. I guess I was chasing the novelty of something new, of being desired, and wanted away from my boyfriend. Overall I was very numb inside, I don't think I have felt healthy love in a long time.
So why, months later, cant I forget our nothingburger of a relationship, when you have surely forgotten me?
I suppose its what I deserve, I did terrible things you don't know about. Maybe I am supposed to suffer for it.
It hurts. I never meant to be bad, but my relationship with my boyfriend was very sick and I hadn't healed from that, I still haven't. The night you asked me out I cried for hours and tried to get the courage to hang myself. I had a lot of nights like that when we were together.
I am just so tired, I haven't had a healthy relationship aside from ours before. I've been so isolated I dont understand others anymore, and trying to be normal for you made me feel so disgusting, sometimes it felt like my face was literally melting off like gelatin because my facial muscles would be so sore from trying to be expressive.
Every day I dwell over small and big things I did wrong,how I humiliated myself by even trying, how my boyfriend schizoed out on you. I replay it in my head and it feels like a knife stabbing me every time and I want to vomit.
Sometimes I think so much you dont even feel real, like something in my head, even though I still see you every day.
I dream about you a lot. It comes in waves. Sometimes I wont for weeks, then sometimes I will for multiple days in a row. Recently I dreamt I broke into your house and slept on your couch, I guess because I missed you. I panicked remembering you had a camera at your door and could see me when I came in.
I left before you or your dad woke up. The rest of the dream is fuzzy but I saw you working at a pizza place, I think we started talking again. In a lot of the dreams we feel almost close to dating again but we don't and its frustrating.
I feel happy when I wake up, but I also hate being reminded. Its bittersweet I guess.
Another thing that hurts is how easily you threw me out. I know your real reason for breaking up was probably more complex, but still, it kills me thinking how long you were interested before we dated, and how once you got to know me it didn't take long for you to lose interest so quickly.
I feel like an idiot every time I think about how I tried to talk to you after we broke up when I knew being friends was stupid.
I don't know whats wrong with me.
I guess I miss you. I focus mostly on what an idiot I was, and I wish that I could erase that part of my life completely. Howrver, when I remember the good things, sometimes I really wish for a 2nd chance in some insame way.
I don't truely want one though, I could never go through thay again. I could never try and be normal again. I could never leave my boyfriend again. Its too much.
I dont know.
I miss you.
I miss you
I know you're busy and have hard time keeping online communication and I understand this. But still I wish could talk to you. You're the person whom I trust the most and the one who always understands me. I wish I could tell you all about the stuff that happened or that I want to do but not sure how and I know if you were here you would listen and help and support me and explain all the confusing things to me. I miss you so much.