/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>2798
My ex and I were in an open, semi-ldr (hour and a half away) relationship. He was really into NTR (cucking) so it started out as that, but after a while he just stopped caring if I was fucking other people. It was a difficult time in our relationship; he felt very emotionally distant and just never seemed to really give a crap about seeing me or being affectionate with me. There was one girl from high school who entered his radar again who lived about as far away from him as I did, and he wanted to fuck her one weekend so I was like "yeah go ahead" since I was getting with so many guys, myself. He visited me in college about… maybe once a semester, so I was a little weirded out by this and told him I didn't want him doing it again, but he basically said he'd do it anyway. He did, we grew more and more apart and broke up, and a month later he was dating her and went on a trip across the country with her.

I hated him for the longest time. I screamed at him and blocked him and unblocked him to scream at him some more and then reblocked him. I would get so insanely jealous if my other friends spent time with other girls, and started self-harming again. I turned into an attention whore and cried all the time. On top of that, my grades were sinking below the c's they were before and I just wanted out. I got therapy and that helped so much, but my grades never quite got out of the shitter and I'm still suffering for that.

I would never cheat on my significant other, but I've been the girl other people cheated on their significant other with. I always took care to make sure it was never emotional, but I would be there for my friends if they were sexually unsatisfied. I would never seduce them, but if they wanted to flirt I was willing to take it as far as they were comfortable doing; I figured that their problems with their relationship was their business and since they were all friends, I could trust that they knew what they were doing. Saying that, I was never romantically attracted to any of them and would have been appalled if they left their SO's for me. Maybe it's the masochist in me, but I love feeling used and they were almost always just using me to take care of their urges while their SO was being sexually distant.

>>2799
you help guys cheat on their SOs? you're disgusting tbh, I hope you get cheated on

My ex cheated on me several times, online and offline, with several women, even one who was a long distance "friend" I had. He was very good looking and charming, so finding women was very easy.

I don't feel bad about it anymore because I know the problem was him, not me. He was very mentally unstable and did lots of angry, crazy, selfish stuff during that period of time, including death threats to me and my family members after our breakup. It's a loooong story, so I'll end it here.

But I'll tell you something that someone told me and really changed the way I see cheating: "when a person cheats, the problem is them. Not the person who got cheated on". I know this sounds simplistic, and cheaters will say anything to justify their actions (loneliness, attention, etc), but in the end that's really it.

If you're cheating on your partner or being with someone who has one instead of leaving them, or finding yourself someone, you're the problem.

>>2799
Work on your self-esteem and self-love instead of fucking men who have girlfriends, jfc

I had an ex a couple of years ago who cheated on me with another man behind my back multiple times.

>What were the warning signs?
He would be extremely distant with me and didn't really wanna have sex anymore. It got so weird to the point one day we were suppose to have a date and he ditched me.

>How did you find out?
A girl I had mutual friends with was friends with the guy that my ex was sleeping with. She showed me screenshots and pictures they sent each other. Im still super thankful for her telling me still and we still talk time to time.

>Have they tried to deny it?
For the longest time even when I told him I saw the screenshots and proof he denied it still.

>How did it end?
I tried moving on but couldn't so we just went off doing our own things and into other relationships. I think he says he is fully gay now though but asks me for sex time to time

>Do you hate them?
I did at first but just gave up after. I checked myself out that relationship quick after that ordeal.

>How did you get over it?
Spent alot of time with friends, got into cosplay more wiith other hobbies. Met other guys and just kept myself open. I was devestated at first and took me a couple of months till I healed and was able to consider dating again.


I never wish cheating upon anybody especially when you find out it's the opposite sex, it feels like I never gave them what they wanted y'know?

I cheat once on every new boyfriend, soon after we become official, just as insurance. I figure that since cheating is unfortunately so common, and since men cheat a more than women, I might as well be the cucker rather than the cuckold. I also take pictures so that if I ever discover that I've been cheated on I can print them out with the date taken on them and leave them as a nasty little surprise when I clear out my stuff. So far I've only done it once per relationship, and one time I didn't do it at all because through some friend group drama I knew the guy wouldn't cheat even when given the opportunity. If cheating weren't so prominent I wouldn't do it at all, but at the same time I'm not consumed by guilt or anything. The world's a hard place and I have too much pride to be someone's sucker.

>>2799
>>2806
Same robot?

>>2807

No? I'm sure some robot will get a little reee boner because omg I'm a women who cheats on every boyfriend and I prove all women are whores, while ignoring that I do it because MEN are the ones who are the biggest whores.

>>2803
>>2801
Wow j-u-d-g-y

You know nothing about these situations, lol. Why is it my responsibility to make sure that the guy is faithful? Why am I the one who gets lanced?

In one of the situations, the guy was my dom (we had done a ton of stuff before with the girlfriend's tentative approval) and his girlfriend were on and off again and one day before it was over forever he invited me over and said "I want to cheat on her" and he knew exactly what he was doing. It would have been someone else if not me and I was already there.

The other one this guy was about ready to end his relationship over the lack of sex she was giving him. I feel almost like cheating on her reinforced how much he actually cared about her in the end. It was purely physical, and they're going to get married soon.

The last time was pretty freaking weird. The girl told me her boyfriend was okay with it and i kept saying "no no this isn't right" and the next thing I knew i was climaxing. It was like something out of a porno. That one doesn't really count though, because she kind of lied to me and said her bf would be okay with it when she had no idea.

This raises an interesting ethical question that I think is analogous. A company sells one product, product X. The main reason people buy product X is to use it for something bad and illegal. The company knows that this is why people buy X, but also knows that if they didn't sell X or restricted it then they would go out of business. Is it unethical for X to sell the product?

The cheating thing applies in a similar way. More generally, is it immoral to partake in an act you know will result in someone else doing something immoral, or is it not your ethical responsibility to police other people's actions? Think, tor, or people who sell lockpicking kits, or selling alcohol to someone you know is an alcoholic.

>>2809
Different Anon but nah, you're full of shit. I feel for the woman marrying her cheater bf.

>>2809
TFW people are giving the girl other people cheated on their significant other with more shit than the girl who actually cheated on her SO.

Ive never cheated on someone, but apparently having sex with someone in a relationship is worse>>2810

>>2812

It's actually worse you've never cheated. You're still hurting people, only rewarding shitty males and hurting women. You're a gender traitor and absolutely pathetic.

>>2813
No fuck you, if anyone is hurting anyone the cheater is. I am not some succubus temptress. That's sexist and outdated. I'm not responsible for his sexual urges

>>2814

The majority of blame is on him, sure, but you're still a part and still a pathetic gender traitor. Nothing sexist about holding you responsible for your choices.

>>2814
Oh nevermind, I get it. It's because the person who was the "victim" is a woman, right? When the "victim" is a man (as in >>2806 who cheats on every person she dates), it's "women's empowerment" but because i identify as a woman suddenly now I have to automatically watch out for all girls everywhere? F U C K T H A T I M C U M M I N F O R Y O U R M A N N E X T

>>2816

Reee harder little robot, reeee with all your might

>>2809
holy fuck, there's no denying that those men are disgusting. I don't believe either myself nor the other anon has said that only you are to blame. but you are knowingly enabling an action that hurts another human. It's also wrong to sell alcohol to an alcoholic.

you are a sick excuse for a person, or you're just very good at making people upset. either way, I hope you get hurt in the exact same way that you've knowingly hurt those women.

>>2806
is this board actually full of human garbage?

>>2813
What even is a gender traitor tho

>>2819

A "woman" who "would never cheat on [their] significant other" but enables men to cheat.

>>2818 here again, just want to say that "gender traitor" is probably one of the most blatantly stupid things I've ever heard lol

>>2809
things like tor have some good purpose along with all the bad shit they're used for, I don't think that anything about consciously knowing for infidelity to happen serves a "good purpose".

>>2809
Yes, it's very "judgy" of people to assume you have problems when you said you basically enjoy being treated like a cum rag for men with girlfriends. Just reread the last lines of your own post.

You're just as shitty as the cheaters, honestly. Your mental gymnastics still don't justify your lack of decency. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but if you're willingly help men cheat (from your post you basically said you've fucked not only but some guys with gfs) then people will obviously assume there's something wrong with you.

Sorry if being called out by a bunch of anons hurts your feelings so much. Maybe it will help you think it other people's feelings before you do dumb shit.

>>2818
Well first of all, the girlfriend broke up with my dom for a guy she lived with other the summer, so I don't think she was hurt all that much.

Also they aren't "disgusting". Oversimplifying people to a one-word phrase is Trumpian. I'm not a bad person because I've done these things. This is literally the only thing you know about me and saying I'm a "sick excuse for a person" is a bit out there considering.

Also did you not read the first 2 paragraphs of my initial post? I've been burned before. More times than that, actually.

>>2823

oh don't give me that self-righteous garbage. Just by owning a computer and wearing clothing and living in a first world country you are hurting someone somewhere in the world. You have no control over it, and you never stop to think twice about "oh maybe this super cute sun dress that looks so good on me is contributing to a system that actively oppresses women in other countries". Guess what? I DO think about that. I don't buy clothes from forever 21 or get shit from Walmart or any of those shitty stores. I don't buy meat because of the harm it's doing to the environment and the animal cruelty that goes into the meat industry. I buy locally roasted and fair trade coffee beans. Everything I get, I get used with very few exceptions. If you are guilty of any of these things, then you are a "gender traitor" who is hurting women SOMEWHERE in the world in a more real way than a broken heart from a POS bf.

You don't give a shit about that because it's so far removed from you you have no real connection to the women are hurt by it. Just because it's fewer degrees of separation from me, doesn't mean I'm suddenly the most horrible person in the world, worse than you. I had sex and it was pleasurable to me. A woman might have been hurt because of it. You buy an article of clothing because it's pleasurable to you. Women/children/people might be hurt because of it. What's the fucking difference?

BEFORE YOU POINT THE FINGER YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IM THE MAN AND IF IM THE MAN AND YOURE THE MAN THEN HES THE MAN AS WELL SO YOU CAN POINT THAT FUCKING FINGER UP YOUR ASS etc

>>2812
I think that what really got people upset is the fact anon thinks it's all good as long as she's not cheating on her SO, but helping other people cheat on theirs is absolutely fine because, according to herself, she can't control their sexual urges. Can't you see the irony here? She's a cheater too if she's done it several times. It's even worse if you stop to think she doesn't see anything wrong with it lol.

>>2824
does this bitch really buy fair-trade and not eat meat but knowingly helps men cheat on their girlfriends

you are not a real person I refuse to believe it

>>2824
Maybe you have a different view of what a "bad person" is, which I don't find surprising considering all of the things you excuse yourself for.

>I've been burned before.
I don't care. Lots of people have been burned before, they don't turn into what you have become.

>>2824
This dom/sub shit should have been explained in your first post and now that's your excuse for everything. You didn't say anything about consenting girlfriends, etc. Either you're full of shit or that was bait.

Now you're literally talking about owning computers and third world countries to try to prove your point lol. That's not related to your shitty behavior. At all.

I'll choose the option "bait" because if that's really who you are that's just sad. And I'm not the person who brought up the gender traitor thing. Trust me, I'm not the only person "judging" you in this thread. I suggest you to take a break from the computer since you're CAPSLOCKING all your shit.

also
>>2824
>Trumpian
I'm calling troll on this one.

>>2824
I mean, people NEED clothing, and it costs money, and often the cheaper stuff can only come from companies that aren't ethically sound. People NEED food, and often it's cheaper to buy a hamburger than buy enough vegan food, and spare enough time to prepare it.

You don't need sex. That's the big difference here. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, sure, but you're making a false equivalency.

>>2830

Yeah, it's pretty obvious it's a trigger robot. Which makes the whole cucking thing he randomly threw in his first post very interesting. It looks like our resident rodeo clown has a cuck fetish. Top kek.

>>2831
Nah, consumerism goes far beyond what is needed.

>disagree with you
>is called a piece of trash
>defends herself
>"ope she must be a dude"

good job girls. Want me to post a timestamped picture of my pussy so you know im legit?

>>2834

Nah, we don't need some random snapchat thots pussy pic. Go beat your pencil dick to some cuck porn you fucking cuck.

>>2830
>>2827
Me too, anon. If that's a real person trying to justify and explain her behavior as not being shitty and low she failed. I can respect >>2806 more than possible-bait-anon, even though I personally don't think what she does is correct. At least she owns up to what she's done.

>>2834
You don't have to, I'm sure no one here wants to see that. Seriously tho, if you're not a robot, then don't get so triggered when people call you out on the disgusting things you do. Maybe someday one of those guys girlfriends will come up to you. What will you do? Talk about fair trade and Chinese products? Grow a thicker skin if you want to be a serial cheater.

Everyone here has been responding to the shitty people in the thread so i'll respond to the others

>>2802
Whoever that person was is completely correct. If you're faithful then you deserve a faithful partner. I hope you take better care of yourself now, and learn to love being alone :)

>>2804
Sounds like he was just confused or in denial, I'm sure there was nothing wrong with you

>>2836
>>2838
you guys are seriously ridiculous. Tell you i want to slit my wrists open and you're all "omggggg you're wonderful we're all here for you just have to get through itttttt <3 <3 <3"

tell them you fucked some guys with girlfriends and suddenly you're a disgusting excuse for a person and a gender traitor.

Two faced cunts tbh im out

>>2839

Tbh if we had known about you being a disgusting gender traitor first we would have encouraged the wrist slitting

>>2840
I wouldn't even wish that even, but I slapped my hand over my mouth out of amusement anyway

>>2839
Robot or not, did you really think no one would object to your behavior? I believe that homewreckers don't truly exist, but the thing is that you made it seem in your original post that you WANTED to get with people who are in relationships. No shit what happened to you.

>>2839
Yeah, I'm def calling this one bait after this triggered asf post, lol. Seriously, I'm not joking or being mean: if it's night in your country, try to get some rest and forget about this thread for a while if it upset you that much.

People on here usually avoid being shitty to others just for the sake of being shitty. That's not being two faced. If you say you do this or that stupid shit on purpose, then ofc people will call you out on your actions. Again, I'm not the person who brought up the gender traitor thing lol. I don't really even believe that's a real thing, but if there's a definition of gender traitor, your behavior could probably used as an example.

>>2839
im taking the b8 desu
it sounds like your early relationship messed up your perceptions a bit. healthy relationships and society itself operates on trust and respect. when you knowingly partake in cheating you are breaking those moral codes by screwing over the third party and no one deseves that. the majority of people want to be able to trust others freely but can't because of individuals who behave without reason.

your behaviour is a symptom for a bigger issue and you won't be any happier/less empty if you keep trying to escape and distracting yourself
pick yourself up v v

>What are the warning signs?
He stopped wanting to have sex with me, started to tell me I wasn't good enough, kept a tight hold of his phone, kept me at home and wouldn't take me to social events or meet his friends.
>How did you find out?
He got with his co-worker right after dumping me, like, a relationship so obviously something was going on before. I'd had my suspicions for a while when we were together, he'd lock himself in the spare room while on the phone to someone.
>Have they tried to deny it?
yes, but it was too obvious.
> How did it end?
He left me for her
>Do you hate them?
YES. To break up with me, he took me to the place we first got together, fucking weird creep
>How did you get over it?
Self-improvement. I started running, going to the gym, reading more, learning more - and then got into a relationship with an old university boyfriend who treats me like an absolute QUEEN.
So it all worked out for the better.

>>2847
>YES. To break up with me, he took me to the place we first got together, fucking weird creep

Lol wtf. I guess that in his end it would be like closing a chapter if he was in the same place. Idk. That's weird.

>>2838
Thank you, that's kind of you! I do feel a lot better now, and I think that person was completely right too.

My abusive ex cheated on me with his ex. The full story is too big and complex, but to make things short, he did it out of jealousy because I was close to a male friend at the time. The thing is, that was a long distance friendship and I never even saw the guy IRL. I never really knew what he did exactly to his ex, all I know it was at a party that he wouldn't shut up about weeks prior to it, in hindsight I realise how obvious it was ( "Me and exgf are going to THIS open bar party! She's so crazy! The party is called tekiller, it's going to be so wild, man, I don't even like parties, but.." ), but I am not the controlling type and legit thought he just wanted to go to a party and trusted him. As I said, I don't really know what happened, but one friend of ours at the time (which was actually a snake, tbqh) said he thought we were in an open relationship because my ex told him all the sex details that went down and he said it was pretty "heavy stuff". Also once at a fight, my ex said shit like "You have no idea what I did to her at that party. You want me to tell you, yeah?". It hurts even to this day to think about it, not because I have feelings for him or some shit like that, but it really triggers my memory into remembering the trauma and pain at the time.

Also, at the time he cheated on me, I've found out that my dad was cheating on my mom as well. I think he doesn't do it anymore, and she actually asked me before that if I thought my dad was cheating on her (I didn't know at the time she asked it, and just brushed it off as absurd), so she probably talked to him and maybe they set the record straight. Anyway, my world really was shaken when I discovered that, and went to my ex for solace. All he said was "What if I was cheating on you?…. Jk I am not, just wanted to put things in perspective". Man, I remember being so sad/stressed that when he said that I almost puked. Those were really dark times, yet I fell for the abuse cycle that he would pull off for way more months to come. Also, even after being "sorry" for cheating on me with his ex, he went to a trip to London with her and wanted me to react like nothing ever happened before. Worst part is that I think that, if he didn't break up with me, I'd probably still be with him. That's a really fucking scary thought. I was legit miserable to the point of isolating myself in my room at times because of our relationship.

So, I guess that the warning signs would be:

>Sudden friendship with one's ex
>"I don't even like parties but she insisted for me to go, and it'll be open bar"
>Saying that don't find you attractive and/or won't fuck you anymore without a concrete reason
>Taking calls at the middle of the night, or even more suspect, seeing who's calling at the middle of the night and rejecting it while in front of you
>Hiding computer/phone when you enter the room
>Subtle hints at cheating in a "jokingly" matter
>Being defensive for no reason at all
>Accusing you of cheating out of the blue and really being unreasanable about it
>Saying how they wish you looked more like x
>Saying shit like "I know you wouldn't leave even if I cheated on you/treated you badly"
>Implying or directly saying that your sexual life is bad because of you
>Being a mysoginistic piece of rotten shit in general

Please, if any girl here checked more than 4 items on that, please please run away from that prolapsed leaking anus of a guy.

And sorry for the venty nature of my post. I guess I needed it, though.

>>2798
>>Share your cheating experiences
I dated a married man for 1 year without knowing he had a wife in his home country. We actually lived together and would go on dates a few times per week. It never occurred to me at the time that someone could have a spouse living in another country. He gave me a key to his house, we went out in public together at all hours, and he had no issue with me playing with his phone (no passcode)

>>What are the warning signs?
Looking back there were definitely warning signs that I chose to ignore. I'll list a few off the top of my head here:

-Asked a girl who said she met him what she thought of him and she said "Ehhhhh…" and then said "He's ok"

-Mutual friend wanted to talk to me in private after finding out we were dating. Didn't meet up with the mutual friend because bf (the married cheater) convinced me that the mutual friend had a bad "past" of trying to cheat on his wife (ironic, I know)

-Told me he thought it was better we didn't date after 2 weeks, but didn't give reason why. I convinced him to keep dating (thought he was just shy)

-After our second date I asked how many girlfriends he had before, and he said "I have a wife". When I was like "huh?" he corrected himself to "ex wife" and when I asked why they divorced he said he had cheated on her. English was his 4th or 5th languages, so I stupidly assumed he made a language error (wife vs ex wife), but looking back on it he was trying to confess.

-Ran into one of his coworkers on the street and didn't introduce me

-Found a woman's underwear and bra in his house (claimed it was from his ex gf)

-Didn't introduce me to his coworkers or friends. Claimed I had to sneak into his office when I went to visit him at work because I wasn't supposed to be there (science lab)

-Frequently accused me of cheating. Started asking for me to send photos proving my location (this is when I ended it)

>>How did you find out?

1 year after I broke up with him I received an email from his wife who found our messages/photos together on his computer. She contacted me about it.

>>Have they tried to deny it?

Yes. I didn't contact him after his wife contacted me, but apparently even when she showed our photos together in their house, holding hands etc he refused to acknowledge he cheated. Apparently he had a breakdown and ran away to his parents.

>>How did it end?

I ended it before the cheating because he started accusing me of cheating if I didn't call him every few hours or was late replying to texts. When he started asking for photo evidence of my location, I got pissed and dumped him.

>>Do you hate them?

I don't like him, but realize he is mentally ill. I don't want to be too specific, but it's ironic considering the field he works in (and is pretty well known in).

>>How did you get over it?

First time when I dumped him:
I cried a lot and started playing games on my phone to distract myself. I then started dating around 2 months later.

Second time when I found out he had been married:
Took STD tests. Apparently I caught chlamydia from him but didn't show symptoms. I got treated for that and then vowed to never ignore gut feelings or red flags ever again.

>>2861

>Also, at the time he cheated on me, I've found out that my dad was cheating on my mom as well. I think he doesn't do it anymore, and she actually asked me before that if I thought my dad was cheating on her (I didn't know at the time she asked it, and just brushed it off as absurd), so she probably talked to him and maybe they set the record straight.

Wtf you didn't tell your mom and cut your dad out of your life?

>>2864

It really isn't that simple, anon. Not everything is so black and white. Even though my dad cheated on my mom, he was always supportive, be it emotionally and money wise, it isn't like he's an alcoholic, wife beater, abusive dad. Also, for most of me and my siblings childhoods, he was a stay at home father and my mom was (and still mostly is tbh) the breadwinner. It really fucking sucks that he cheated on my mom, she really doesn't deserve that, but as I said, they probably set that stuff straight because my mom had her suspicions and isn't dumb (like, at all, she has a pHD). Also, I don't see any of the other signs he had when cheating (coming home later, taking calls at night and having a separate account to talk to the person he was cheating with -that's how I've found out, btw). It's also up to my mom, maybe they talked and decided to open up the relationship to sex, or they made ammends on that regard, or they now just live together in friendly terms (unlikely tbh, they always seem loving)
As I said, I was really shocked and anxious, probably because he was such a great father and well, my childhood hero, as lame and cheesy as it sounds. But he's just another flawed human, silly me.

And to answer your other question you asked, I didn't tell my mom at the time cause 1- I was depressed, shocked and wanted to die (because of my ex), I didn't want to interect with my family at all 2- Being shocked, I also wasn't thinking straight and didn't know what to do 3- I am not that close with my mom. I mean, we are friends, but I don't have the balls to tell her a lot of things going on in my life. I know that is a character fault of mine not to tell her though, but I get anxious just thinking about it, not very good for my mental health. I feel really pathetic about it, I know.

>>2866

Just wanted to add as well that my mom is not a passive housewife. She's super progressive and hate to leave shit out in the open unresolved, so I am almost sure that they talked. And if she really thought my dad was a bad guy, she would've left him because 1- she makes 3 times more money than him 2- She doesn't take any shit, but she's pretty levelheaded and logical 3- She was married before, left and moved states all by herself, while having a 1 year old baby, and while being 20 years old herself.
There wouldn't be a reason at all to divorce my dad considering all their children are adults if she really wanted to.

>What are the warning signs?
He was abusive. There were lots of typical signs that I didn't see because I thought this was normal. They have been mentioned in the thread already.

>How did you find out?
He told me on the phone. Propably as a means to hurt/manipulate me. I was in a really bad place due to the relationship and had a very good day after months of sadness. I think he just didn't like it when I had those days.

>How did it end?
The whole thing resulted in a huge disaster. I'd rather not go into details. The day after this drama was over we reconciled. Right after that he told me he would be going out with friends that evening but couldn't promise to stay faithful. Finally I saw that this would never get good again.

>Do you hate them?
I just hope he didn't treat other women the same way and that I never have to interact with a guy like him again.

>How did you get over it?
After we ended the relationship I felt relieved. Getting over it took a long time though. I surrounded myself with better people and focused on my hobbies more.

>>2866

You really did do your mom dirty. Even if you weren't as close, she absolutely deserved to know and your dad was 100% in the wrong. As for it not being black and white, yeah, life mostly is shades of grey, but some things are that simple. Decent people don't tolerate cheaters, even if they're family, even if they're you're favorite patent. Sorry but I don't respect what you did and I hope you are consumed by guilt, especially because you had it happen to you and apparently it taught you no type of compassion or empathy.

>>2871

You really are choosing to ignore everything else I said, and still is thinking without any nuance, so there isn't anything else I can say. I don't have a favorite parent btw, both have great qualities and flaws. I also have no guilty at all, even though I aknowledge that I am a stupid anxious person, so maybe you got your wish? I hope you can learn to deal with things without being so black and white and improve your relationship with other without judging so much.

>>2872
I'm a different anon and I'm sorry about everything that happened to your mom. I do think she deserves to hear the truth too. Plus by not talking to your mom and telling her the truth you're exposing her to risks, one of them being the risk of getting a STD if your dad got something. I know it may seem like a stretch and no one wants to hear that about their parents, but it's just plain reality. I've met a lady who was friends with my mom and she got a STD from her husband. You just never know.

>>2874
I meant to say "everything that happened to YOU", not your mom, and then say something else before talking about your mom. Idk what I did there that deleted a couple lines. Huh, my head is in the clouds. Anyway, sorry about what happened to you, anon!

>>2875
>>2874

Thank you so much for your support, anon. I know it's silly, but I really appreciate it since it's such a delicate topic for me and it can trigger really bad anxiety.

I didn't think about the STDs, though, I must admit it. I do think that my father would probably be cautious (especially because at the time I did find condoms in his bag)
But I will say that if that was the case, they would already know, all I said actually happened 6 years ago; my mom asking, my ex and my dad cheating (it was the worst year of my life btw). That's also why I think it's all solved by now.
My ex used to hide our relationship because abusive asshole and all, and still my mom was smart enough to catch up to it, notice when we broke up and ask me all about it after that. Like I said, she doesn't like to just "wonder" things and like to have stuff cleared up, so I really think her and my dad already cleared that up.
Again, I really feel pathetic for not having the courage to talk to my mom about some stuff (she asked me about my relationship with my ex multiple times but I just can't talk about it with her though), but she's a strong woman. Way stronger than me. Probably my number one role model. Maybe when I am older and better myself enough?

Also I'd like to say that since them things did get a lot better. Even though I am growing to have more anxiety and depressive thoughts now than before the abuse, I am now in a actually good and healthy relationship of more than three years, and this year I finally overcame my big art block that was caused by my ex (he actually made me stop doing art because it "made him feel bad about himself". And me, the idiot, actually did it). I still struggle sometimes, but I finally feel like I can "control" it again.

Sorry again for such a lenghty post. Saged.

>>2876
It's ok, anon. Glad you could get things off your chest. I know how depressing that type of situation can be, and how it's hard to get over things sometimes (I'm >>2802).
I'm glad you're in a better place in your life now. Part of my life revolves around art too, so I'm glad you could get past the block. I've had my fair share of art blocks too, those are awful. Hopefully your current relationship will make you happy for years to come.

Concerning STDs: the risk of getting one is very, veryyyy small if the the man wears a condom, and I'm sure you know it, but it's still something to think about under the circumstances. The fact it's unlikely to happen doesn't mean it can't happen.
It really wouldn't be fair on your mom (or anyone), to not only deal with getting cheated on, but also getting a disease. Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid about that because of what happened to the lady I mentioned, but it's still a possibility in anyone's life if they're getting cheated on. Still, I understand not wanting to talk to your mom about it, especially after so many years, but I hope you do someday. Wishing your family the best.

How do people get into these relationships in the first place?
Sorry you guys got cheated on.

>>4492
Which ones you're talking about? Like the ones they get cheated on? Most people don't see it coming I guess

>>9661
Why don't you try to clear things up and explain it to him asap? It might fix things!

>>10939
That sucks, anon. Let's just hope that can happen someday.

>>10939
>>10935
I also wouldn't recommend getting back into this relationship. If things are fine the way they are now, and you had issues with trust earlier, idk better off keeping out of it.

>>11000
Pic related is one of the things I wish I could work on now that I'm in a new relationship. I'm very jealous and I know it's a consequence of getting cheated on by my ex (for years). I believe everything my partner says because I trust them, but I'm feel jealous thinking about other people trying to get with them or take advantage of them somehow. There's no reason to be jealous, but I am.

>>11005
How do you get cheated on for years? Wouldn't it have slipped eventually? Did you just choose to believe him despite your gut telling you otherwise? Genuinely curious, not trying to antagonise anyone.


If I ever found out I wouldn't talk to them again, I'd just up and leave and block them on everything, tell our mutual friends if we have them, and not do anything around them if I can help it. I've been cheated on before and it sucks, but I also had one good, loving relationship too. The cheater wasn't right in the head and had lots of issues to work on. I'm also sort of friends with a girl who's cheated on a bunch of guys, slept around a lot and even had my long-term ex eat her out a night after she'd let some other guy cum in her, without showering ofc. That was after the two of us had broken up and she regretted it and told me, then friendzoned him hard. I don't even feel bad, I just feel sad for her because she's obviously messed up.

Over time I've just made peace with the fact that I can't control what others do, but I can pick who I date and befriend. I don't tolerate bullshit like "it was an accident" or "I was drunk", and I don't think snooping around their phone is a bad thing if you have strong suspicions - mostly because it'll give you a piece of mind and at that point you're likely right. I also don't think the cheater deserves to be broken up with civilly, they lose that privilege when they break your trust and their promise to you.

Ultimately though I don't think cheaters are worth getting angry at or vilified, or thought about in any greater capacity. It doesn't matter what they do or why, it usually stems from personal issues.

>>11021
I stayed with him because I wanted to help him and be there for him. I don't think the relationship was actually romantic anymore after the 2nd or 3rd time he cheated on me.

>>11021
It happened to me too anon, it was because my SO didn't consider a really severe porn addiction to be cheating. He said he never watched cam shows but i dont believe him. He fell in love with somebody else irl too.
He hid al that from me though so I know how he really felt. I felt fucked up and ugly for a long time after that.

if you feel like there is something wrong, you are probably right.. atleast i was the last 3 times lol

Ohhh my thread


>Has your SO flirted with other people,
All the time
>had an emotional affair
Two
>or have they done something physical?
Not that I know of, sigh

>Do you suspect they might be cheating on you?
I would be stupid to not assume that at this point, but well, I hope not

Tell us
>- What are the warning signs?
Utter disrespect as well as being very busy all the time at the messengers
>- How did you find out?
One I knew from the start. And one, he left open their erotic poems and plans to meet up before he went away to meet up, on the computer where we show the kids their video each evening
>- Have they tried to deny it?
No, but denied the gravity.
>- How did it end?
For the first, he continued so much that her husband realized and approached him, it really made waves in the whole community,but he went out unfazed because the husband is an idiot. Two, "he blocked her" but really I don't know because the only thing I do know is that he takes great care on logging out of his Facebook ever since.
>- Do you hate them?
It's more like resenting. I really hate that stupid fucking whore No. 2. For no 1, I sorta see where she's coming from, yet she was incredibly disrespectful to me in the process.
>- How did you get over it?
Did I? I wrote some angry poems to that pretentious poetry whore and the husband suggested I should apologize to her. Man,never in m life did I flip shit like that.

No, I just hate people in general now.

Why does my husband have to be such a literal fucking womanizer.

>>2799
Sounds like you just enabled him to do it. Either way you kind of sound disgusting

>What are the warning signs?
I was playing with his phone while we were in bed together one day and he said I wouldn’t want to go into his text messages since “he never deletes his messages, has old texts from girlfriends and doesn’t want me to see something that would hurt me.” I assume he was presumably texting other girls. At the beginning of our relationship, he told me his girlfriend’s best friend hated him because her friend “thought” he cheated on her. Right before I found out about his cheating, he was acting distant and weird, but kept denying for a long time saying nothing was wrong.

>How did you find out?
I told him he was acting weird and needed to just tell me what was up. He told me there was a girl in his class that was “kind of cute” and he had a crush on her. He then had a meltdown and said that “he does this to all of his girlfriends.” I later spoke to the ex girlfriend mentioned above and asked if he’d ever cheated on her. She said yes — with multiple girls. First flirting on tinder (where we met) then escalating to trying to kiss his female friends.

>Have they tried to deny it?
After talking to his ex, she confronted him and told him what he did was fucked up and he can’t keep treating women like this. He proceeded to lie and say we were “just friends” and that “he only went to dinner with me because he needed footage of me eating for a film project” (bullshit) and that he said we shouldn’t date but asked me out because he “felt bad” and that I just “need someone to like me.” What really happened is after we had been dating for a few months, he wanted to use my disease for his film project subject. We had gone on several dates before that. He would always try to force me to have sex with him even though I was a virgin and not ready. My body would be sore for days. I told him I didn’t feel right being physically intimate with someone I wasn’t in a committed relationship with, so he asked me to be his girlfriend only to have sex with me. I didn’t know this at the time but he admitted it later. He would also tell his friends I was his “girlfriend” so that he wouldn’t have to explain he was just using my body. The worst part was, even knowing how he was, his ex seemed to believe him over me. He manipulated everything by taking real events that happened in our relationship and skewing them as if I begged him to be with me and that we were just friends with benefits the whole time. I didn’t even want to meet him right away originally when we met on tinder, but he kept asking.

>How did it end?
He told me he’d stop talking to or thinking about the girl in his class. One morning when he was supposed to come over I woke up and he told me “she likes me back, I’m not coming over and I’m going to the beach with her today. Sorry, can we still be friends?” obviously I said “fuck no.” He’s been dating her since then, for about three years, and has even tried to come back and sext me, to try and cheat on her with me

>Do you hate them?
I think he’s a scumbag but I don’t have many directed feelings of rage at him anymore. He obviously has a severe character flaw that has nothing to do with me.

>How did you get over it?
To be honest I’m still dealing with some issues from it even though I’ve had two relationships since then. The girl he cheated on me with was definitely nowhere near as attractive as me. All the guys I’ve ever dated until my current boyfriend have only seemed to be into me due to my appearance, and when this douchebag cheated on me, I felt like my personality would never be good enough for someone to consider me legitimate girlfriend material. He just left me in the dust and literally used me as a fleshlight.

>>12129
With 'my husband have to be' do you mean you're still with him?
Please say no.

>>12328
:[
I actually packed the kids and left at some point. That shook some sense into him and now he actually changed a lot of things.

He is actually an objectively great person, just lacking in the department of "respecting your spouse". I mean I'm a turboautist myself. But maybe we'll work on that at some point, tbh I wouldn't even care if he fucked Staceys left and right as long as it was the established agreement (and didn't cause child support).

>>12329
I'd say 'respecting your spouse' is one of THE main things you should have in a relationship/marriage. As long as you're with him, the things he did will never seize to pop up in the back of your mind from time to time (since you're seeing him every day). Can you objectively say you still love him and would do anything for him, even after all that he did ?

>>12328
You MUST be the same anon that posted the thread about envy the other day right? And literally talk about her husband every other thread, always complaining. Holy shit woman, wake the FUCK UP. You said he cheated "emotionally" twice, and you wouldnt be surprised if he did already? Then why the fuck are you still with him? Don't tell me for the kids please cause that's not a good excuse. You like to tout all the time how smart you are, how you could make more money than he does etc etc, so why the hell dont you DO IT? I'll tell you why: You've gotten used to that housewife life and gotten lazy. You won't admit this but you know it's true.

>>12335
Yeah I am lazy. In fact I'm a pretty shit person myself and did my fair share of shittyness. It would be just fair to provide him with the same chance of improvement. And, on the other hand, even if we separated, it would be advisable to part amicably because of the kids. Then it would mess up the kids if they switched house so often, so we might as well live together, just not as connected. In fact this is pretty much what we do. Now what's left is for me to not be emotionally dependent on him, what I try to be (hence the vents instead of dwelling on it). All that's left to fulfill your proposition is a fuccboi for me, and I really do not want to evaluate my life on base of whether I have a fuccboi or not.

>>12330
Love, yeah. We're called to love everyone in fact. Doing everything? That's not what love is about, that would be serfdom.

>>12351
Your situation is very…. yikes. Not only do you demonize the women your husband cheated on you with(calling them whores, angry poetry honestly directed at the wrong people imo) but also you turn around and say you're a shitty person too and thats why your cheating husband "deserves another chance"(but those nasty whores dont, right anon?) I really hope you know what you're doing with your kids, because as a kid who grew up in a household where the parents refused to split because it was "easier" and it was "for the kids!!", I wished every night for them to leave eachother. The very clear resentment and hatred in that household was toxic and a child can pick up on these little things, no matter how "secret" you make them. Staying together can really mess up a kid too, you know.

>>12351
You're messing up your kids even more forcing them to stay in that toxic environment. Jfc why do idiots like you have kids? Leave him if you resent him so damn much and think whats BEST for THEM not what's easier for YOU. File for child support and leave you fucking degenerate.

>>12351
>Now what's left is for me to not be emotionally dependent on him
AND not to be financially dependent. You haven't worked since you had kids right? You're fucked, and you know it. Thats the real reason why you stay with him. That and you loving the facade of having a "happy family" and saving face in front of your friends.

>>12359
I think you on to something Anon. I didn't even think of that. She's mostly still with him for the financial support lol. Maybe wanna dust off that resume anon.

>>12351
>Love, yeah. We're called to love everyone in fact. Doing everything? That's not what love is about, that would be serfdom.

You're saying serfdom cause you're not 100% in love with your husband, girl. If it's true love it'll conquer everything (even infidelity), but it's not. It now borders on resentment for one another and it'll just go into the 'we just live together' mode and you'll be dead inside and unhappy with your life cause you won't accept it and move on, you'll start getting frustrated with even the smallest things he'll do and you'll hate yourself and him for it. It's the most shitty environment for the kids to grow up - in a wannabe 'family' facade that deep down YOU KNOW doesn't exist.

>>12366

…
my mom forgave infidelity in her husband and still ended up doing everything for him.
dude can't even do his fucking laundry these days. it's pathetic. he's over 60 years old and has never had to fend for himself because he's just married his maid/chef.
tbh i never noticed the environment was this unequal until i was in my late teens or early twenties. my mom always just sucked it up and hid it from us.

>>12376
btw she does resent him nowadays because of the way he's treated her for over forty years. so that
>f it's true love it'll conquer everything (even infidelity)
approach sounds really idealistic and like grade-A bullshit to me

>>12366
Sorry but this is bullshit. Every single relationship will come across differences that aren't resolved by ~sitting down and having a honest talk~. Every one. And the belief that one should not tolerate those is the reason for the skyrocketing divorce rate.

It's shit, but every alternative is shittier. Yes it is possible that I am the one who just goes for groceries and never comes back, and then I have to live the rest of my life knowing I left the kids with someone who cares for them excellently but fails in every other area of everyday life (oh, and also imprintthem with the knowledge that their mother left them).

Or, yes, I could leave with the kids. Going To my parents who are deranged and malicious? Maybe force my husband to pay child support what,concerning his income is fuck all and would suffice for a one room apartment in a bad part of town? Not even considering the fact that the kids development will be severly disturbed if they don't see him regularly (since he treats them excellently) and we still have to meet regularly on an amicable basis while I took all efforts to have him harbor even more resentment against me?

Or yeah,maybe I can "just look for a new man", one of the vast pool of people who 1) are not taken yet at this age, 2) doesn't have a problem with fathering four kids that aren't his, 3) also doesn't have a problem with me priorizing said kids over him (everything else would be even more terrible). Maybe another seperate guy with children , huh?

And in order to find and date this guy, I then must, additionally to placing the kids in daycare/school in this shitty part of town, find other babysitters in order to date in the first place and then give the dude his due alonetime, what makes everyone involved feel like a burden.

I'd rather live 10 years in misery and raise well adjusted, taken-care-for, valued and educated kids than throwing four lives in a gutter just because I think I need a better fuck.

I can guarantee you that even the happiest family you know has really deep and substantial issues making them suffer heavily. Of course I agree that my situation is objectively shitty, but I chose this myself and the expected rewards are reality.

Yeh I'm probably burned out at 40 or 50, and then I'm going to tour the world in cozy senior tours. That's all I want anyway.

>>12379
>eh I'm probably burned out at 40 or 50, and then I'm going to tour the world in cozy senior tour
With what money tho? I like how for you it's all about "if I divorce him" but what if he divorces YOU? You marry him knowing how he was, you had kids with him knowing about his job , and about you being a stay at home mother and yet all you do is complain about him, complain about your life ,and then defend why "you are still with him" with bullshit excuses. Why do you keep doing it? Face it, you don't have the courage to leave him so you'll be stuck until HE decides to dispose of you, or just cheats on you-again- and then you'll live the rest of your life miserably.

>>12380
My mom was a clever woman and insisted the house in which we live was only on my name.

Other than that - in our country men get fucked from all directions if they leave a woman with kids.

>>12385
Ok so you stay with him knowing that if he leaves you he'll get "fucked from all directions". Very nice, I wish you a long and happy marriage

>>12379
>four kids
Jesus christ. Poor fucking kids. I wish you the best, anon, but ignoring that this is going to crash and burn and dealing with it by telling yourself "everyone has problems!!" is dangerous. It's also hard for me to believe your husband is that great of a dad. If he was so great, he'd consider how his cheating could affect his FOUR children.

>>12379
Lmao you sure he doesn't have other kids too anon considering he cheats on you all the time apparently. If paying child support would get you next to nothing how is he supporting a family by himself? Since you're a stay at home mom? Your story doesn't make sense. It sounds like you're finding reasons to stay so you don't have to actually get a job and raise your family yourself.

>>12407
The state pays parents with our amount of children 2000€ a month.

>>12408
You are disgusting. I thought your husband was the only piece of shit in your relationship but you are one too.
You'll never be happy.

>>12419
Anon, are you a libertarian or a retard? Trick question, I know.

>>12379
You and your husband just life a lie and you two are unhappy.The children will know that this family is just not really a family. Children are not that stupid. They will blame themselves, they always do.

That is depressing…
I should pity you because I see, that what you did and still do was your only way to find a 'not-as-bad' place as you were. To make you life a better one, but I can't I just feel sad for the children, and that you see the world like that.

>>12423
Yeah well. "There's no point crying over spilt milk". It might be a shitty family, but you shouldn't neglect the fact that it literally is the only family they'll ever have. I am their mom, he is their dad. No matter how good the replacement man would be, he would not be their dad. So every other "Family" they could live in would be a "lie" as well. Whereas we are a family, just a crappy one.

(I'd like to say that both of us actually put great care into raising the kids right. We just resent each other for good reasons, rooting in our deliberate wrongdoings, which we committed because both of us were not raised very well, what we want to avoid with our kids and, come the time,we will explain to them. I can guarantee you they feel loved and cared for and would have their heart broken if told that one of usnow doesn't live here anymore. )

Also, we actively work on our issues, but we fucked up so royally that the road is long and rocky. But I think working on the issue is a good role model at least.

>>12425
>No matter how good the replacement man would be, he would not be their dad.
There's more to 'being a dad' than just cumming inside a woman and having a kid, ya'know. A lot of biological dads are bigger assholes than non-biological ones. Judging by your stance on this - a woman should never ever divorce her first and only husband since 'every other family would be a lie' - its not like you could just tell the kids that 'me and your father met and had you and everything was fine and dandy, and then he started cheating on me and treating me like garbage, so I decided to leave him because I couldn't stand living with him'. That would be 100% more courageous than some bs story about 'every family has issues, kids'.

>But I think working on the issue is a good role model at least.

Yes it is and that's a good way of thinking about it, but something tells me you guys are too far gone in that regard and that you're just hating him daily and not even 'working on it'.

>>12425
You are working on it, that is very good an I am glad.

I hope you can do it.

>>12429
My dad cheated on my mom before I was born and she stayed with him. I do respect her for it. He ended up working out his infidelity/alcohol issues and they've been together for decades.
Admittedly I wish that he respected her as much as I do for her commitment, but my dad is kind of an autist in that regard.

>>2798
Cheated two times.
Both on the same person and both times on vacation.
Didn't even feel bad/horrobile afterwards.
Somehow it felt nice to see that I am/was happened almost 10 years ago still attractive.

>>12444
I hope he's not with you and is happy with someone else.

>>12445
No, we broke up around three years ago.
It became apparent that what we wanted in our future was just too different to support staying together.

My case is kind of weird, so sorry if I come off as a troll or bait.
I usually "Naturally" tell any partner of mine about any potential infidelity, and I expect my partners to do the same, well, something happened that made me realize my now ex was more desirable, and can actually enjoy sex and people unconditionally unlike me.

I was more upset by the realization than him actually cheating, since social interaction is completely normal and every day.

He did break up with me, I'm more upset of the loss of a partner and not having someone to depend on mutually, I definitely know he has no problems replacing me and is already laughing and having a greater time without me.

I did the questions wrong, sorry



- Do you hate them?
-No, I humanize people because I actually hate raw anger. Its his life, none of my business.
- How did you get over it?
-I didn't I guess? I was upset by it for different reasons.

-How did you find out?
>He told me himself,

What are the warning signs?
-Like any other situation, he's actually well-adjusted and has no problem talking to people, so it was natural cheating. people approach him. I guess the warning sign was him being desirable and being able to cheat on me unconditionally.

-Have they tried to deny it?
-I think? its their own life. I don't really remember. I felt trusted when he told me.

- How did it end?
-We broke up, I'm still single, he has already replaced me, we had a imbalance, I'm asocial and can't enjoy people unconditionally.
He has his own life and self-agency, the only reason I care is weird, because I'm vulnerable and people will and can target me, so in a way he left me to fend for myself.

>>12679
Oh I gotta clarify
I actually cared in a non-mean way, if that makes sense? he did tell me what happened but.. he was kind of aggressive.

I mean I was insecure and actually "worried" but I feel like that's self-victimizing and maybe bs, even though even I know people can have feelings and not be Evil Goblins,

sorry for the rambling, w/e I guess, its over now

>>2806
ur a pos nona, ur just as worthless as the scrotes u criticize

Does cheating on an eboyfriend count? I don’t think I have ever gotten cheated on

>>109358
It depends, did you e-cheat on him?

>>109358
cheating on e boyfriend counts because you called him boyfriend

>>109365
Nah, irl. That was the end of my edating legacy though.
>>109395
I see. Then I did it once. I do feel pretty bad about it. I definitely should have handled things differently. But in the end, it worked out for me. I‘m still together with the guy I cheated on my ex with. I know it’s bad and ugly and horrible though.

>>109465
>But in the end, it worked out for me
>I know it’s bad and ugly and horrible though.
0.0

I have bpd and I cheated on my ex bf a lot, unfortunately. I feel pretty guilty about it and it doesn’t even feel like the same person. We still talk and everything. It’s nice that he doesn’t think I’m this awful evil person and can still forgive me. I genuinely don’t know how. I have been dating my new bf for 7 months and I haven’t cheated on him at all. I’m medicated now, so that plays a big part. I hope my ex can find someone to love him and treat him better than I could.

>>109531
But I have never been cheated on so I would have no idea what it feels like.

>>109531
Would you say your new bf treats you better than your ex? Some people act like women with BPD universally make for bad partners, but from my experience it's a matter of being with the right person.

>>109536
That’s a really hard question. My ex wasn’t a bad bf or anything like that he tried his very best. It just wasn’t enough for me. He had his own problems but he had an actual hard life. I genuinely want to always be there for him but I don’t think we worked well together. My new bf is much more attentive. He loves giving me affection and attention.

>>109537
I Undestand. I would say that with BPD we need a partner who is stable and supportive, so we don't absorb and reflect back trauma and toxic traits because y'know, emotional codependency as a result of deeply seeded abandonment issues. Would you say you and your ex would have worked out if you sought medication sooner? It's interesting to hear other people's experiences.

>>109539
I don’t know..I don’t really think so tbh. Like you said we reflect back negative emotions. He was a very angry person well not angry as in he was a rage monster towards me. He was just angry at the world and was always close to losing his shit. Again not a bad person just had a bad life and a lot of things to deal with because of that. With the meds I probably wouldn’t have cheated on him but I would have been miserable. Plus the biggest thing about my new bf is he is a 26 year old virgin. Which in my BPD brain is a big win.

>>2798
My boyfriend would compliment women he has liked before on the internet or used to simp. I went into his DMs and saw that several months after we became serious, he was still dming some girls. He told one of them that she shouldn't be sad bc she has "face card" and "body card." He has made other comments to other women like that. Also last year when I was looking through his photos on his phone, I accidently found a screen recording he made when he went on vacation with his boys. He was apparently making matches on tinder while he was there. When I confronted him about this, he told me one of his friends was using his account but it's one of those obvious bullshit answers. I doubt he met with these women because of his awkward and paranoia nature. The screen record was his match's profile because she's a conventionally attractive, athletic, and 'super liked' him or whatever (I never used dating apps before but I guess it's one of those features) and out of his league.

I haven't ended it yet because I am stuck living with him but I can't wait to leave. I do resent him over a lot of these things of course. I am not over it. Plenty of red flags I ignored, but I guess I was desperate to find someone to live with so I had an excuse to leave my family and old town.

I cheated on my second boyfriend that I had for a few weeks. I didn't want to continue the relationship but I was 17 and nonconfrontational so I was afraid to break up. I hooked up with a coworker and broke up with my bf the next day. He never found out about it, but I decided not to see the other guy either. A few months after that I left for college and never saw either of them again. I'm much older now and I've never cheated again because it's wrong and it's better to break up anyway. As a result I'm much more assertive about what I want from relationships and knowing when to end them