handholding.gif Dating General Anonymous 09/01/19 (Sun) 10:42:47 PM 29416
I didn't know if there was one or if you ladies care. So I made one anyway.
Dating General is for asking questions and or advice, sharing experiences, telling stories and so on Anonymous 09/02/19 (Mon) 12:04:51 AM 29449
How do you meet people to date in irl?
The internet give them a chance to get creep too fast. What happen to getting to know someone? Anonymous 09/03/19 (Tue) 11:01:29 PM 29546 >>29449 >How do you meet people to date in irl?
You meet people irl via school, work, clubs and generally places of activities of your interests.
Sometimes it's also via meeting people via social activities like friends' birthdays etc. so you meet acquaintances of your friends. You can also talk to any strangers like in a bookstore or when in a queue.
Anonymous 09/04/19 (Wed) 03:37:34 PM 29561
What gift should i give my bf for his bday? How much should i spend? Is it rude to spend little money even when youre poor? I received gifts twice in my life so i dont have much experience. Should it be smth useful? Pretty? Money doesnt fit btw
Anonymous 09/04/19 (Wed) 03:49:55 PM 29562 >>29561
In my experience with guys, how much the gifts cost are not really important. What's most important is the thought. IDK your bf, but you should trust your instincts on what to get him as you know his hobbies and tastes best.
In my experience, my ex loved to read and once complained of being unable to sleep. So I regularly gifted books and a very comfortable pillow with a little bit of my perfume on it. That's just an example from me. I also used to like to make DIY gifts, but my recent ex whom I gifted to made me feel really bad about it.
Anonymous 09/04/19 (Wed) 03:51:24 PM 29563 >>29561
I like to go for useful gifts, personally. Something that you could see them using often.
Are you crafty? Search online for cheap homemade gifts and see if that sparks any creativity. Draw a cute little comic and frame it.
Does he like to cook? Get him a cool kitchen gadget, like a nice silicon whisk or spatula. If there's a particular dish he likes to cook often, there's probably a tool that would make it easier for him. For example, if he cooks stews or soups, a ladle is really nice to have.
Does he like manual labor? A really nice water bottle is something that would last him for years, and you can find a nice one for about >$20. Bonus points if you get him stickers for it. Same goes for coffee thermoses: a nice one will run you about $25-30 but they last a lifetime if taken care of.
Does he use his computer a lot? Does he need a mousepad? What about a desk fan?
A cute picture of you both is a cheesy gift in my opinion, but some people really like getting those. Or a nice picture of his family, if that matters to him.
If you're super broke and can't afford to spend money at all, take him out on a nice day to the park. Go to a museum. Plan a picnic. Beach trip, mountain drives. If he likes hiking, go for a hike.
Gifts don't have to cost money, they can be small and thoughtful.
Anonymous 09/04/19 (Wed) 08:39:10 PM 29566 >>29561
Get him a perfume that you think smells good. Benefits both you and him
Anonymous 09/06/19 (Fri) 01:51:03 AM 29581 >>29561
Gifts shouldnt be expensive,and if he gets upset by the pricetag then you are lucky enough to get that red flag early on.
Sexy underwear are cheap by the way.
Anonymous 09/06/19 (Fri) 01:37:06 PM 29588 >>29581 >sexy underwear
idk what you mean by this. You will probably have to post some pics. Preferably being used for reference :3
Anonymous 09/06/19 (Fri) 10:14:45 PM 29605
Screenshot_2019090… >>29562 >>29563 >>29566 >>29581
Thanks for the answers guys. He has chronic back pain so i decided to buy him pic related. Will update once he starts using it
Anonymous 09/08/19 (Sun) 06:43:11 PM 29697
Does anyone else not have anything to talk about with guys? All of my interests are really female-oriented, so I usually run out of things to say with guys and end up with awkward silences.
Anonymous 09/08/19 (Sun) 07:30:43 PM 29701 >>29566 >>29581
getting gifts for yourselves and pretending its for your boyfriend? lol
what would you say if your boyfriend bought expensive shoes for himself as a gift to you under the logic "well she'll like the shoes on me"
you should get your SO a real gift
Anonymous 09/08/19 (Sun) 11:08:46 PM 29709 >>29697
Make him talk about his interest, let him carry the conversation. People on general love talking about themselves and what they like. And don't be afraid to do the same.
Anonymous 09/09/19 (Mon) 07:43:54 AM 29733 >>29697
I think you've misunderstood this part of dating. People with "boring" and/or "obscure" interests fall into the same trap. Talking about this stuff is actually (most of the time) just an activity in trying to get to know each other.
They're trying to understand you and you're trying to understand them. They're not trying to be interested
in the same things as you
- so explain to them what your interests mean to you, what you like about it, why you like it, what you get out of it, how rewarding it is etc. Encourage the same sort of response out of him when he talks about his own interests.
Remember, you're not trying to sell him your interests, you're not trying to make him also interested in the whatever you like. You're seeing if he's interested in you as a person (and vice versa). What someone likes in itself tells you very little of their personality; it's
they like what they do; it's what it means to them; it's what things they get out of it; and all this extra stuff surrounding someone's interests that really tells you about a person.
Anonymous 09/22/19 (Sun) 10:28:41 PM 30115
Spoiler >>29701 >>29588
Stop assuming stuff, anon asked for gift ideas FOR her boyfriend.
Anonymous 09/22/19 (Sun) 11:25:45 PM 30121 >>30118 /adv/ on 4chins exists you know. It has lots of female posters too. Anonymous 09/22/19 (Sun) 11:43:11 PM 30124 >>30122 message her asking if she wants to hang out. now fuck off and delete your post Anonymous 12/07/19 (Sat) 05:41:22 PM 31798
How often do you like a guy to text between first and second dates? This guy I went on a first date with is sending me daily good morning and good night texts. Am I weird for finding this to be too much? We’ve only met each other once and aren’t in a relationship yet, so it’s kind of clingy and overeager for him to act like we’re so close. Even though we had a good first date, this type of texting behavior is honestly turning me off.
Anonymous 12/07/19 (Sat) 08:28:56 PM 31800 >>31798
That is such a non-issue. If you think it's clingy for someone to show basic interest in you you should find someone else. There are plenty of low-effort guys that would be more to your liking.
Anonymous 12/07/19 (Sat) 09:01:03 PM 31802 >>31800
I see. Maybe it’s just me then (I’m pretty inexperienced with dating). I’m a very introverted/private person who doesn’t let people into my life easily, but maybe I should try to be more open to guys that show interest like this.
Anonymous 12/07/19 (Sat) 09:39:16 PM 31804 >>31802
Break those walls down, anon.
Anonymous 12/19/19 (Thu) 11:37:33 PM 32142
Only ugly guys are attracted to me (i.e. like me on dating apps). The guys who I find hot enough to be attractive are not attracted to me at all. This probably means I don’t look that great myself. What can I do about it? Glow up? Honestly, if I can’t find a guy I’m attracted to to date, I might just stay a volcel.
Anonymous 12/20/19 (Fri) 03:26:18 AM 32145
Is it normal to be annoyed by things your boyfriend is doing/saying when before when you started dating him you liked and found those things interesting that you now hate? Like I used to think my boyfriend always questioning things and finding random things peculiar that I wouldn't think twice about to be a fascinating and a likable trait of his but now I get very annoyed by it and think things like "it's not even that deep. Why is he so weirded out by such normal and simple things? Can he stop questioning everything I say like every little thing has meaning." of course I never say those things to him because that's rude and hurtful but I am starting to get fed up. Does this just mean I don't really like him anymore and I need to end the relationship? I'm normally not a nitpicky person but maybe I'm starting to turn into one?
Anonymous 12/20/19 (Fri) 06:17:45 PM 32149 >>32145
I would say that's pretty normal, I've heard it referred to as the "honeymoon being over" in terms of the relationship. The novelty of his quirks has worn off and you've probably been overexposed to them if anything. He might be encountering the same sort of feeling from your little idiosyncrasies too, although in my experience men tend to fetishise the personality quirks in their partners and see them as cute or "part of the package" - whatever that's supposed to mean.
I wouldn't say it's something to break up about but do talk to him about it. If you leave these feelings for too long they could turn to resentment and poison the relationship. I've found that guys will usually react in one of a few ways when approached directly about their flawed personalities, they are all just balls of ego after all, but eventually they come around after a bit of self-reflection if they are mature enough. Either that or just learn to live with it and accept it as "part of the package". I hope you manage to fix this!
Anonymous 12/21/19 (Sat) 04:16:39 AM 32156 >>32142
Fitness, fashion, and skincare are three things entirely in your control that can help tremendously.
Anonymous 12/21/19 (Sat) 04:53:06 AM 32158 >>32145
I don't think it's normal. It's understandable that you no longer find that sort of thing endearing, but I don't think it's normal for it to turn into something you dislike. It's still part of who he is, and as long as it's not something that causes you harm, you should be able to simply accept it.
The same thing happened with my bf. I no longer find his autistic personality traits endearing, but I'm not annoyed by it.
But I don't think this necessarily means that you don't like him. From what I've seen, people in general just like to control others and tell them what to do/what they think they should do. They think they know better and feel the need to fix others, or just want them to do things their way. And maybe you do know better, maybe your way is the right one, but nobody likes to be told what to do. The best you can do is accept others how they are.
That said, you can and should offer advice. Just be sensitive about it, and don't get upset if he doesn't want to listen.
Anonymous 12/26/19 (Thu) 05:28:50 PM 32280
This is my first time dating. What's a realistic expectation? I always thought that men were going to do things to try to charm a woman, but this guy just sort of shows up and talks to me. I'm confused and wondering if I should keep seeing him.
Anonymous 12/26/19 (Thu) 05:45:06 PM 32281 >>32280
You don't actually like him then.
Yes, you should stop seeing him.
Anonymous 12/26/19 (Thu) 07:25:24 PM 32286 >>32280
Liking someone doesn't just come naturally. You have to consciously like them. Chances are he likes you, but you don't like him. Find something to like about him, and not just carnal lust either, but stuff about his personality you crave. What do you talk about?
Anonymous 12/26/19 (Thu) 08:57:54 PM 32290 >>32280
You should let him know that you like romantic gestures (if you expect/want them).
Anonymous 12/26/19 (Thu) 10:53:10 PM 32292 >>32286
He's around my age and we can relate to each other and we share some important values. I'm actually very lucky to have found another virgin my age who is a decent person, so if it works it it'll be quite neat. Biggest point of contention is that he just wants to live the rest of his life in peace while I want to do something with my life. I think gemini/scorpio really captures the dynamic we have.
We talk about politics, anime, videogames etc. We have different taste in all but appreciate our differences. Last time we were out I showed him where I went to school and we talked a bit about that.
I've tried to communicate this with him (we were friends before he asked me out so it's not too hard). But I get the feeling that I'm asking too much of him and that it's just not in his personality to act like a romance novel hero. He can do small things like say I'm cute, though.
Anonymous 12/27/19 (Fri) 05:38:27 AM 32293 >>32292
Maybe give it some time? It took my bf 1 year to start giving me verbal compliments regularly, and getting comfortable with physical affection in public places also took him a while.
I don't think you should expect any guy to act like a romance novel hero tbh.
Anonymous 12/27/19 (Fri) 10:21:01 AM 32296 >>32292
I think guys worry we might think it's silly when they try do something romantic. Do you ever rebuff his attempts to show affection?
Anonymous 12/27/19 (Fri) 07:02:01 PM 32299
Screenshot_2019122… >pictures posing with 10/10 whores on their bio Why do men fucking do this Anonymous 12/27/19 (Fri) 07:55:43 PM 32301 >>32299
It's to show they can "get" such women to either 1) if you are on their level, demonstrate that he is too or 2) if you are less conventionally attractive, make you think he is blessing you with his attention.
Anonymous 12/28/19 (Sat) 12:11:19 AM 32313 >>32299
Men do this because they think being popular among women will attract more women to them. They talk about this on dating forums and call it the female herd mentality.
I'm sure there are women out there who act according to it but imo, the average woman is turned off by this "manslut-ish-seeming" behaviour. Although that type of man is probably not looking for average women anyway…
Anonymous 12/28/19 (Sat) 01:58:35 AM 32317 >>32299
Lmao looks like it’s his relatives. Usually on dating profiles less than attractive men posing with attractive women confess its their sisters or cousins which adds even more to the creepy factor
Anonymous 12/28/19 (Sat) 03:03:41 AM 32318 >>32313
It's not even herd mentality, it's golddiggers. If you see an average or ugly guy with hot women the logical assumption is that he's loaded. Women only respond to this because he basically has a sign that says "I will give you luxury for your pussy".
Anonymous 12/28/19 (Sat) 02:03:19 PM 32327
I've got a date tonight ladies! Wish me luck.
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 03:59:52 PM 32337 >>32334
Odd. Some things happened and I'm not sure how I feel about them.
It was at a bar and like, when I drink I go to get fucked up. So I did. Talking was awkward and slow at first but got much easier as time went on. He told me he had Crohns disease and therefore wasnt able to drink much. Then there were some interactions that in retrospect were odd but I didnt notice because I was in drunk mode.
He asked me to go back to his place and I was like "no haha that's like, far from here". He dropped it shortly after and we (I) got a few more drinks.
At the end of the night he offered to take me home and I was like yea ok fine. We got home and I'm almost certain I invited him in. I showed him around my place. I was sufficiently fucked up but i was still pretty mobile. At one point we made out a little bit and he slipped my dress and my bra off like, really fucking quickly. I was like "no I dont want to do this" and he backed off, and didnt try anything for the rest of the night. That kind of left a weird taste in my mouth that's been bothering me all morning, especially considering that I was like, too fucked up to even put my bra back on and just left it on the floor and slipped my dress back on, and he wasnt really drunk at all.
I havent told this story to any if my irls yet because nobodys up so I havent been able to bounce this story off anyone. He was pretty sweet and kind for the other parts of the night. Am I overreacting? I just feel… kinda dumb honestly.
TL;DR got drunk and maybe almost got taken advantage of? Not sure how to feel. Thanks for coming to my blogpost.
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 06:56:29 PM 32342 >>32337
Why does it matter if the guy is drunk or not?
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 07:09:49 PM 32344 >>32342
Because I was fucked up and he wasn't.
I could see it as a misread of the situation/low inhibitions if we were both messed up. But it just feels weird since I was messed up and he wasnt at all.
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 07:18:05 PM 32345 >>32344
Nta but yeah that was a douche move if he tried to take advantage. I’d avoid him because that’s fucking gross and creepy. A nice man wouldn’t have done that to a drunk woman
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 08:03:35 PM 32346
Do you guys think its normal for a super hot guy to go out of his way to be nicer to a uglier girl?
Ive never been treated nicely by men before or noticed; but I happened to go on a trip with one of the most attractive guys in my school and he was very kind (and borderline flirted with me I think). Ive never in my life felt like a girl before until that day, and now unfortunately im really smitten by him. Hes super charming and a great conversationalist, and we talked for a long time and seem to have similar tastes and interests. I dont care that hes attractive and i just really miss talking with him because hes such a interesting person honestly. Ive spoken to a few times and hes polite but doesnt seem too interested. Thats cool and i completely understand, but Im befuddled by his kindness. Most guys literally are rude to me if they dont find me attractive. Was it just pity? Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 08:48:32 PM 32348 >>32344
Forgive me if I sound rude but why is you being fucked up and him not being fucked up a problem? I'm seriously curious.
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 08:52:25 PM 32349 >>32342 >>32348
Are you moids? It's fucked up because if you are far less drunk or not at all, you are pushing a person who is far less coherent than you into having sex with you. How is that not creepy in the least? You are using the situation to fuck a drunk, that's low.
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 08:54:55 PM 32350 >>32349
Not everyone is obsessed with consent as defined by university programs
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 08:55:47 PM 32351 >>32349
No I'm a slut that constantly takes sober guys home, I'm just trying to understand why she would let the get in her house if she had no intention of doing anything?
Anonymous 12/29/19 (Sun) 09:54:36 PM 32355 >>32351
Because she was under the influence and had impaired thinking. Which is why people who are sober should be responsible and not try to take advantage of obviously drunk people.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 04:05:12 AM 32359 >>32355
You're still responsible for the decisions you make while drunk, or else we couldn't prosecute drunk drivers.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 04:12:37 AM 32360 >>32355
Do you really expect a random guy to know all the decisions you would've made had you been sober? That's a very unrealistic expectation.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 04:58:16 AM 32362 >>32337
So, knowing that you are drunk, you invite a guy into your place, start making out with him, and then act surprised when he tried to take it further? I get that he wasn't drunk, but what would you expect the logical outcome to be? Just keep making out and then say "ok you can go now"? He's not a mind reader, and he must have thought you wanted to fuck him seeing how he stopped when you said no.
You're really both to blame. You got lucky that he was just a horny autist this time, but this type of behavior is way too irresponsible.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:08:20 AM 32364 >>32362
let's be real she let the guy in and made out with him, she wanted to get laid. I can almost guarantee she had a lil mini panic and said "no" as a jerk-reaction and then instantly regretted it and at that point there was no way that guy was gonna touch her because the golden word "no" had been uttered
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 03:33:41 PM 32371
Screenshot_2019123… >>32351 >>32355 >>32359 >>32360
Girl that posted the story here with some updates and explanations.
When I invited him in, I didnt have any intentions of having sex. I honestly just wanted to show him around my place and watch family guy. I was having a fun time so I wanted to "keep the party going" i guess.
Secondly, my issue wasnt really that he tried to take things further, it's that he went straight from kissing me to slipping my clothes off. Drunk time moves differently but it felt like he slipped my dress and bra off crazy fast. It was just weird being fully clothed one moment and feeling super vulnerable the next. I am definitely in the camp of "you're responsible for what you do while drunk" and had extra precautions in place in case he got more forceful.
Now for the update, I talked to him about it yesterday morning, and his response was really disheartening. All i really wanted was a "I'm sorry, I didnt consider your feelings and it won't happen again" but the way he said this just seemed like he was mad I remembered. Theres more to this conversation if anyone is interested in hearing it.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 06:13:21 PM 32372 >>32371
More context would be appreciated, because what you've said in your message to him doesn't fully match with what you've said here.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 06:27:53 PM 32373 >>32372
Can I ask what you're talking about specifically so I can adress it directly?
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 06:48:52 PM 32374 >>32371
That doesn't sound angry to me. But you can't know if he was a genuinely socially inept horny autist or if he's lying. If you like him you could try again, just don't get drunk, don't kiss him, and don't invite him over.
In my experience it's better to flat out say what you want to do. If you want to hang out, make it clear and let him know that's all that's going to happen.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 06:56:14 PM 32375 >>32371
Angry? That looks more like he's scared to me. Imagine how terrifying this must be for him considering everything you hear about rape accusations.
I think you need to explain to him in detail how you felt, why, and what you expect of him.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:08:31 PM 32376 >>32374 >>32375
Oof. The "told you I was socially inept" hit me more like "well it's your fault for talking to me". Shit. Now I'm starting to think I may have overreacted. I bounced this story off 4 irls (two guys two girls) and they all told me to not talk to him/that I was right to be mad so I'm not sure what to think right now.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:12:52 PM 32377 >>32376
To me it sounds like "I really fucked this up and I don't know why"
The "I told you I was socially inept" says to me that he thinks he was doing the right thing and was surprised that he wasn't. Obviously I can't say anything definitive since I've never met him.
Clearly you have a big issue with doing anything sexual after drinking. Tell him this.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:25:45 PM 32378 >>32371
He sounds alot like the fuckboy Bumble dates I've been on where they get mad I don't put out. He deflected and didn't apologize. He immediately went for pity and hoped his wounded bird ploy would absolve what he did. You're kinda a dumbass for inviting someone to your place after a date and being upset they made moves on you but he's a fuckwit for how he's acting about it too. Talk to other boys.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:37:14 PM 32380 >>32379
That should have been the first thing he said. Not the last.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 07:39:09 PM 32381 >>32380
Are you aware of how crazy you sound right now?
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 09:13:33 PM 32384 >>32376
Look. What he did was wrong and if he needs you to tell him that it was wrong, then he isn’t worth talking to. It isn’t a matter of getting an apology, it’s a matter of him not understanding basic boundaries. Block and move on, unless you want to be manipulated by his “pity me I’m socially inept” card.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 09:21:02 PM 32385 >>32384 >What he did was wrong
They were making out, he tried to take it further, she said no, he stopped.
What did he do that was 'wrong'?
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 09:54:04 PM 32386 >>32385
He took off her clothes after she said no. Learn to read.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 10:45:31 PM 32387 >>32386
Here's what she said;
>At one point we made out a little bit and he slipped my dress and my bra off like, really fucking quickly. I was like "no I dont want to do this" and he backed off, and didnt try anything for the rest of the night.
Where did your version come from? Because it's nothing she said.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 11:11:00 PM 32388 >>32387
He initially asked her to “go back to his place” and she said no. She then had more to drink. She clearly did not want to have sex with him and he took advantage of the fact that she was drunk and quickly tried to have sex with her. This was deliberate and this is where he was wrong.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 11:17:36 PM 32390 >>32388
She invited him into her place and made out with him. How on earth could that be taken definitively as not wanting to have sex? As soon as she was definitive he stopped.
There is nothing to suggest he was doing anything wrong, deliberate or not.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 11:22:08 PM 32392 >>32390
Having sex with an impaired person alone is illegal. The way he pushed it was harmful and you sound like a male defending this.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 11:26:58 PM 32393 >>32392
They didn't have sex.
He didn't push it, as soon as he was told to stop he did and did not try again.
You sound like you have some sort of moid phobia since you're inventing things to accuse some moid you've never met.
Anonymous 12/30/19 (Mon) 11:40:45 PM 32394
I didn't used to believe that a bedroom could get boring. After all, if both people are interested,sex should happen naturally. I now know that was a retarded way to think. The idea of being with my boyfriend actually seems to turn me off. I don't think he's actively done anything to make me
want to do anything, and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me either. It's just so strange because I absolutely adore sex, and always thought I'd be having a ton with the guy I care about. I don't really need advice. I'm sure we'll have to break up or resolve this or whatever. Probably the former. Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 12:05:10 AM 32395 >>32376
I too am a socially inept autist and I would have worded it in the exact same way. I wouldn't be saying it to blame you, but to make a joke at my expense.
But like I said before you can't know for sure if he's lying or not. Just don't have drunk make out sessions on the first date in the future.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 12:45:26 AM 32396
Is it hard to get a bf?
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 12:59:02 AM 32398 >>32396
Depends on how much you're willing to lower your standards.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:01:27 AM 32399 >>32398
I don't know what you mean by that.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:05:08 AM 32400 >>32399
If you're willing to take someone who is ugly/ a mid 20s+ virgin/other undesirable traits it's trivially easy. But then you'd have to deal with having a man with those traits.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:14:23 AM 32402 >>32400
Maybe I should refine my question
How hard is it to get a bf in person and not online?
A normal human not some moid on a imageboard or a random hook up from tinder. What your talking about is easily found on /soc or /r9k, that sounds like where you came from.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:26:24 AM 32404 >>32402
How hard is for you to visit a pub, party or any sort of gathering?
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:33:54 AM 32405 >>32404
Too poor to go out drinking and last party I went to was Halloween, I got high and sat quietly in the corner.
But my biggest issue is that I don't know when people flirt with me and it goes over my head. I'm just autistic and don't understand when people are interested so I indirectly turn down a flirt.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:55:25 AM 32407 >>32394 >>32397
Um, no… You communicate with your s/o and see what you two can do to light that spark again. If that doesn’t work out then I guess it’s time for you two to part ways.
Anonymous 12/31/19 (Tue) 01:56:37 AM 32409 >>32405 >But my biggest issue is that I don't know when people flirt with me and it goes over my head.
You should really consider dating sites/hookup apps and go for a straightforward approach then. You cant miss the cues if there are none to be given.
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 06:31:00 AM 32489
My bf and I just broke up after over five years together. It was an amicable split, but I definitely ignited it by having a breakdown over all of our pent-up issues. At first everything felt right– the split was definitely necessary– but now that we're both visiting home for the holidays (we come from around the same area, moved away together) everything feels like shit.
Everything in my room, my town, and all around me reminds me of him and all the plans we made together. He is such a positive, sweet soul, but now he talks to me clinically and callously… which I understand, but still, it makes me sad. Being alone with my family also gives me MASSIVE anxiety, which he always helped with. Without him, I'm a mess. Plus I'm freaking out over finding a new apartment for myself. It's so weird because right after we broke up, everything felt great. Now that I'm in my hometown, it just hurts. I think I'm just sad over the fact that I no longer have a "safe" person to lean on, but idk. Tl;dr if anyone has had an amicable split with their partner I'd love to hear some words of encouragement bc right now everything sucks. Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 07:39:16 AM 32496 >>32371
This guy sounds like a real self-involved asshole. He's blaming his behaviour on "[losing his] head" and immediately after his faux-understanding remark "if you don't want to see [him] anymore" he tries to guilt you into giving a fuck about HIS feelings. Drop him. Dating someone with Crohn's is already an inconvenience and this guy doesn't seem worth it. you owe nobody an explanation
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 10:40:22 AM 32502 >>29416
Idk if I should try dating apps again. It’s like flipping through so much trash to get some treasure. It feels like a waste of time. I have to spend at least an hour of my day swiping to see if I like anyone and then comes the long process of messaging deals/no deal things like watching porn, possibility of having kids, what their education level is, personal values, if they’re a religious nut etc. Plus I get too emotional when I’m rejected or if I find someone who is my standards but then find out later they withheld info or have one “no deal” trait of mine. Thus I feel like I waste my time bothering with dating in general cuz sometimes on the first date I don’t ever feel a spark or chemistry after texting them for about a week. Ugh I don’t think I’m ever going to find love
Maybe I should just dress up nicely and hopefully someone approaches me at a coffee shop or somewhere else. I can know for sure if I’m attracted to them as opposed to judging their carefully angled photo. What are other ways I can meet guys? I’m hoping my sister in med school can hook me up with a classmate but she’s on the hunt for a man herself so that ain’t ever gonna happen. I have no friends to set me up
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 12:30:36 PM 32510 >>32502
Why not approach men in real life yourself?
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 01:05:04 PM 32511 >>32502 >but then find out later they withheld info or have one “no deal” trait of mine.
I don't think dating is for you. Best way to deal with this problem would be to post a checklist alongside your face on some campus notification board and ask for applicantions.
Seriously, even if you meet someone in real life don't expect them not to have some of the "no deal" traits. What are you going to do? Ask them directly on every issue?
PS. Doctors are some of the biggest dregs of humanity so good luck to you.
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 09:45:17 PM 32535
Anyone else wish their boyfriend would call/text and ask to see you more? I know without a doubt he loves me, but I hate how often I find myself sending the "whats up" text first or asking to see him. If I don't text him he'll text me first/ask me to do things but it's not the frequency that I want or need. Like if I don't text first at all he may initiate meeting up once a week. He's really not that busy at all right now.
I hate playing the "don't text first" game, we've been dating for 2 years now and that's so juvenile. I asked him to call me first more and told him I don't feel like he puts in enough effort but they were never super serious discussions and change is minimal. Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 10:22:00 PM 32536 >>32535
well maybe you need to have a super serious discussion about it with him. Some men are really hopeless bone heads. You can tell them that
>hey i wish you texted me more you know
and they won't even register it as something you really want, it's just small talk to them. You really need to hammer in the point sometimes and be really serious about it
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 10:33:09 PM 32537 >>32346
Maybe he saw you as an interesting person and treated you as such instead of someone he wanted to fuck?
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:15:14 PM 32538
So it really doesn't matter now since I broke up with him, but I guess I want a second opinion on it.
>tfw I have really bad anxiety >date guy for 3 years >During time I had to deal with his very extroverted friends >Tried my best >BF tells me his friends think im weird >Feel awful >Meet his family >BF tells me his parents thought I was weird >feel awful >BF himself is nice to me though, bought me Animal CrossingNL when it came out >Had fun looking at 4chan and watching stupid Youtube vids >Got along well enough and thought he would marry me >We move in together >He talks about how "we" should lose weight and I agree >after that I get policed on anything I eat >he tells me my arms are the ugliest part of me >eventually gets a really bad job and kinda breaks >tells me hes not sure he loves me anymore so I leave 3 years later >start talking to him again >tell him my tubes are tied >he tells me I crippled myself and made a mistake >I tell him we cant date if thats really going to bother him >somehow we end up together again >things seem much better than before, but I spend more time abroad than with him >I wear full lolita a lot of days and he told me many times I needed to "grow up" and wear "real clothes" >Told me to hide my power level >Every time I brought up how this made me feel he told me he was just being honest and its objectively true that normal people dont dress like I do >I tell him I dont feel accepted >He tells me how hes never told me I couldnt do what i liked >thats true >He tells me he doesnt understand why my dresses mean so much >I try to explain >He doesnt get it >Tells me I need to see a therapist >Tells me he doesnt think I should leave >Tells me he takes care of me and doesnt mind it >But I just couldnt do it anymore >He also got angry at me talking at 2 in the morning to a friend who just went through a devastating death >He also called my childhood friend a "random guy" It seems so clear if I right it out, but when we talk he made me feel like I was insane to be angry! Was I being insane? Are these normal things? Am I asking for too much? Was I the bitch? Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:29:54 PM 32540 >>32538 >I wear full lolita a lot of days and he told me many times I needed to "grow up" and wear "real clothes"
he was right
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:37:31 PM 32542 >>32541
If he wore a Shrek costume every other day with body paint and all, trying to mimic the scottish accent, how would you feel?
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:39:24 PM 32543 >>32542
lol ok, thats quite a bit different than a frilly dress with no body paint or accent change.
But nice try.
When I say full lolita I mean dress, socks, shoes, head piece. I didnt wear like dresses to go see the Queen.
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:44:04 PM 32544 >>32542 >>32543
However if he wanted to dress in similar fancy clothing or a suit every day or something then I wouldnt care at all.
Theres a difference between a costume and fancy attire; you cant compare a halloween costume to it.
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:44:46 PM 32545 >>32543
Why? He wouldn't be hurting anyone. I'm asking this because the answer is simple; you'd find it ridiculous and embarrassing because it differs from our social norms so heavily. It doesn't need to
Walking around with an adult woman dressed up as a pretty princess is embarrassing because it's not socially acceptable. If you really want to do it, you're free to do so, but feigning ignorance and not understanding why people might not want to be associated with you when you do so is just naive
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:48:33 PM 32546 >>32545
But I didnt dress up like a princess. I dont wear sweet lolita…
And I never said I didnt understand why he didnt. I said I didnt feel accepted, and I don't think I was.
I also dont think its right to tell someone they need to "grow up" just because you dont like their clothes.
I really dont care much for socially acceptable, but theres just no way to compare body paint and a fake accent to a set of clothes.
If he wanted to wear shreks clothes every single day without the paint or fake accent, I would find it a little funny sure, mainly because it just isnt attractive to me, but I wouldnt tell him to grow up. I wouldnt care about going out in public.
Anonymous 01/02/20 (Thu) 11:58:10 PM 32547 >>32546
but by not accepting Shrek, don't you see how you're drawing an arbitrary line somewhere in the sand? His line is more strict than yours, there's really not much more to it than that. Also I really doubt him telling you to grow up is solely thanks to the lolita costume, it's probably just a culmination of everything going on with you. You probably are weird anon, like everyone around you has said, and he thinks you should "grow up" as in stop being so weird. I can't really even try to give any meaningful response here because I don't know either of you or your situation. But there's nothing wrong with being weird and I really do find you endearing, but not a lot of people can deal with it in day-to-day life. Maybe you should have a talk with him, tell him that you're unlikely to ever change because there's nothing wrong with who you are, and if he can't deal with that then maybe it's better you guys break up
Anonymous 01/03/20 (Fri) 12:02:44 AM 32548 >>32547
Well this was some years ago so its all good now, I just sometimes feel the nag because I really dont have anyone to get second opinions on it
Anonymous 01/03/20 (Fri) 02:39:06 AM 32554 >>32536
it feels shitty, like im begging someone to be more involved. i've always been a "shitty texter" and super introverted but now I just always want to talk to him.
Anonymous 01/03/20 (Fri) 03:16:25 AM 32556 >>32510
I’m too shy ._. I am also stunted. In high school I was homeschooled so i suck at social interaction let alone flirting and scouting out men. All the cute boys in my college classes are taken too
I don’t have high standards and my list isn’t long and detailed. Just be hygienic, have some chemistry, have hair and teeth, educated, and not be pervy. I love prude men but so many are the opposite nowadays
Anonymous 01/03/20 (Fri) 04:55:46 AM 32561 >>32556 > Just be hygienic, have some chemistry, have hair and teeth, educated, and not be pervy. I love prude men but so many are the opposite nowadays
Maybe date some Asian guys. I’m Asian and find a lot of Asian guys fall into these criteria.
It sounds like you and that guy are just not compatible honestly. As you say, you don’t really care much about what’s socially acceptable. He clearly cares about what his friends, family, and other outsiders think. Don’t try to force a relationship that’s not gonna work.
I don’t really know the answer to your question, but can really relate to what you wrote, because I’m kind of an ugly girl and had something similar happen to me recently. Especially this > Ive never in my life felt like a girl before until that day
I’m completely smitten by that guy too because of this.
Anonymous 01/03/20 (Fri) 03:24:40 PM 32568
1488753577296.jpg >>32281 >>32286 >>32290 >>32293 >>32296
So I met up with him again soon after my post.
It turns out that he has been holding back the entire time because he isn't sure if we'll be able to be together. He knows that I want to save myself and he agrees with it. He had told me something like this in the past but I guess it just didn't register for me that it was the reason he behaved the way he did.
But then he suddenly leans in, gets me to lie down on my back, and then kisses me repeatedly. He said he did it because he thought he was making me impatient, which he did and I showed it, but I thought that he just didn't like me and it made me insecure. What a mess of misunderstandings.
Anonymous 01/04/20 (Sat) 05:41:03 AM 32584 >>32538
idk anon reading this kind of makes me mad too so i think you're in the right. i wouldn't really expect anything less than support and understanding from my partner about hobbies i enjoyed much less being.. borderline berated for it. but i also don't have really any dating experience and might have high expectations in comparison to what's actually out there. still, it doesn't sound that unreasonable to ask for a partner to understand a hobby that makes me happy considering that hobby isn't hurting anyone. it kind of sounds like he wants you to change into a version of you he wants you to be in his mind.
Anonymous 01/08/20 (Wed) 03:01:21 PM 32718
Is it a red flag if all of your boyfriend’s friends are terrible people? I’ve hung out with them before and don’t like a single one of them. They talk shit about each other behind each other’s backs, act incredibly entitled, are rude to waiters, and are kind of unfaithful to their partners even when in committed relationships (i.e. texting other people flirty texts late at night). My boyfriend hasn’t shown any signs of that, but is there truth to the saying that birds of the same feather flock together? Should I be careful?
Anonymous 01/08/20 (Wed) 04:03:34 PM 32719 >>32718
Not necessarily. Maybe their friendships are based around shared interests rather than shared values, for instance. You'll have to ask why he's friends with these people.
Anonymous 01/08/20 (Wed) 11:03:54 PM 32727 >always hear guys complain that women don't date nice guys >finally have the chance to prove them wrong >choose a guy that treats me like shit, even though I had the chance to go for a nice dude I think there is seriously something wrong with me Anonymous 01/08/20 (Wed) 11:10:59 PM 32728 >>32568
at least you guys have some guts to clear the misunderstandings, usually guys act like they don't give a fuck about your feelings, and you are too embarrassed to mention directly what's making you insecure
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:22:50 AM 32730
Is it possible for a person to truly change drastically for the better and sustain it? There's this guy who I've known for 3 years who used to be kind of an asshole to me and we had a falling out a year ago which resulted in me telling him off about how he needed to work on himself and stop being shitty, etc.
Fast forward a few months ago, he comes back into my life and he is a completely different person. Sweet, considerate, patient, kind, motivated, empathetic, the total opposite to how he used to be. Well I am starting to fall in love and he also confessed feelings for me and basically attributes his whole change and wanting to be a better person to me. I'm just worried that this change is going to be short lived though I've been given no indication otherwise. I don't want to get hurt is all I guess but I also don't want to miss out on an opportunity to date someone that I actually feel genuine love for and greatly proud of him for his progress. So I guess I would like input on this, thanks. Oh and some of the things that he did back when he was an asshole was pick on me for my weight despite being fully aware I've suffered from anorexia and that it was triggering to me. Also telling me something along the lines that I deserve to be alone forever because he confessed feelings to me a year ago but I rejected. He seems very regretful about it though and has apologized unprompted many times but I don't hold a grudge and thinking about that past doesnt bother me anymore Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:30:18 AM 32731 >>32730
Depends what age. Almost every single person I knew in high school at 18 changed drastically by the time I saw them again at 23.
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:40:34 AM 32732 >>32731
I met them when they were 19 so they're 22 now.
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:46:56 AM 32734 >>32730 >Triggering to me
Have you considered that you may be the crazy one?
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:52:30 AM 32735 >>32734
I had only recently got to a healthy weight for my height after being severely underweight for a long time. I don't think its unreasonable that having someone constantly telling me that I got fat and pointing out parts of my body that they thought were especially pudgy would upset me and make me regret gaining weight even though I medically needed to.
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 12:58:02 AM 32737 >>32735
have you ever had stomach issues like ulcers and digestion problems or was it just weight? If not… I know someone who had similar problems but that was the only way i knew it was really serious..
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 01:00:32 AM 32738 >>32730
What were his issues specifically.. I cannot make a perfect recommendation because i just don't know enough details, but what did he do to you besides this? Did he ever physically harm you?
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 01:13:12 AM 32740 >>32738
I actually think I figured out the answer myself based on what
mentioned. Especially because I remembered I've changed too.
I know I'm slow. Realizing now my question was a bit silly to even ask.
Also no, it never got physical.
Anonymous 01/09/20 (Thu) 01:21:22 AM 32741 >>32732 >>32740
Another important thing I have found is age difference, how many years are you two apart?
Anonymous 01/10/20 (Fri) 03:58:17 AM 32758 >>32730 >>32740
What was your decision Anon? I am curious because I am going through a similar situation recently, but it is the opposite. There Is someone who I loved, but they said that they could not be with me until I got more mature, and last week I talked to them. Did you decide to give them a chance, or have you found others and left him? Your last reply makes me think you accept that maybe he is better.
Anonymous 01/10/20 (Fri) 09:15:07 AM 32759 >>32758
I decided that I would give him a chance but I told him we need to take things slow which he absolutely agreed with. I hope things work out for you.
Anonymous 01/10/20 (Fri) 08:49:19 PM 32770
328ce132b390d4e416… >>32730 >Well I am starting to fall in love >>32759 >I decided that I would give him a chance
So which one is it anon? Are you philandering around or are you in a fully polyamorous relationship?
From my experience letting the past get in the way of present relationships always ends bad.
Anonymous 01/10/20 (Fri) 09:11:38 PM 32771 >>32730
Sounds like you fucked him up pretty bad and now he cant stop thinking about you. Hes definitely the same guy for the most part, and the only way for his wounds to heal would be to stay away from you. It might not bother you anymore, but he probably can't go a day without feeling shitty about his interactions with you, or wondering what you would think of him now.
Anonymous 01/12/20 (Sun) 08:31:14 PM 32816 >>32730
I changed from being bitter and mean to being kind and positive. But it was a gradual process over the course of some years. It was a result of both becoming a more balanced (and happier) person, and from going out of my way to learn how to do nice gestures. (I was raised in a rather frigid household so never knew how to express the good feelings that I did have.)
I wouldn't believe it if someone's actual personality changed over the course of nine months but if his mood improved and that made him nicer then yeah. He may be able to keep it up but expect him to fall back into old habits from time to time.
Anonymous 01/15/20 (Wed) 09:48:56 AM 32901
I messaged my boyfriend saying that we needed to talk about our relationship about a week ago because it's been feeling like we've grown apart. I never got a response and upon investigating further I found out he's blocked on social media so that probably means my numbers blocked too then. Does this just mean it's over? I guess it does. I just wish he had the decency to just tell me especially since he complained about his last ex basically doing this very same thing to him before
Anonymous 01/25/20 (Sat) 09:26:13 PM 33299
There's this guy I met. I didn't expect to meet anyone. I am too busy finishing my post-grad, I live in a different country, but it happened.
When we met, the sparks were flying, we clicked so well, it was a while that I would feel that way about anyone, ever since my ex and I broke up a year ago. I was actually seeing someone, but it wasn't working out, so I ended it. Anyway, this new guy and I end up talking every day, all day, for a month and a half. We have so much in common, and I feel like he gets me. We say goodnight to each other. We call. We like each other. We flirt. And we decide to go on an "actual" date, a small trip just the two of us, a city break away. We spend three days together, and it is lovely. But the first day I learn that actually, he went through a pretty bad breakup with a girl he was in a relationship with for over five years, only about two months before meeting me. And they still live together. Turns out he's a little bit in denial about the effects of the breakup, and it starts sinking in once he moves out. And he's sad. And realises he's not ready for a relationship. Which I get, breakups suck, even if you're the one instigating it, and it takes a while to get over it. So I try to give him time, and space. The distance is both a blessing and a curse - on one hand, he can have as much time and space as he wants, on the other I wish we could just date like normal people, get to know each other at a casual pace without pressure. I really would like to give it a go… Because I truly believe we could be great together. But I know he's not ready, and that's ok. I just wish I knew what he wants. If he wants… Me. But maybe in also scared to find out the truth - it won't be easy, either way. Time will tell. I'm just gonna concentrate on finishing my degree. Ugh. I really know how to choose'em. Anonymous 01/26/20 (Sun) 08:59:48 PM 33311 >>32901
Wow, that was real fucking rude of him. Definitely not relationship material. Sorry that he did that to you though, it really sucks, speaking from experience.
Anonymous 01/27/20 (Mon) 01:24:01 PM 33329
I'm virtually uninterested in sex unless I'm dating. Then I'm kind of obsessed with it mostly cheating on them. I wish I could stop doing it.
I tried everything but soon as soon as I start meeting up I do it. I hit on others right in front of them blatantly and don't bother to try and hide it. I just don't care if it hurts them I just have this compulsion to try flirting with men. I feel dizzy and light headed, kind of like the opposite of fainting like my fucking head will explode or my heart will burst out of my chest like the chest bursters in aliens if I don't hit on other men when I'm dating one. Anonymous 01/27/20 (Mon) 02:40:14 PM 33330 >>33329
It sounds like an open relationship could solve your dilemma. It's not cheating if both parties agreed to it as a condition of their relationship. Have you considered that? Or is it aspect of cheating itself what gets you going?
Anonymous 01/27/20 (Mon) 06:49:24 PM 33334 >>33329
Sounds like genuine mental disease.
Anonymous 01/29/20 (Wed) 04:00:21 AM 33380
I've dated my bf for a year and 3 months and have never had an actual fight. Is this normal?
Anonymous 01/29/20 (Wed) 10:13:20 AM 33389 >>33380
I would say its common for some people to not expierence fights and you should feel lucky that you guys dont. It probably means you guys are good at handling your feelings towards each other before it gets heated and thats a good thing. On the other hand if you ever do expierence one eventually just make sure you both realize its not the end of you relationship and somethings things happen. Its only really bad if you're pushing things under the rug and letting any negative feelings you have fester and being kept to yourself then one day one of you is just gonna flip out if thats the case.Its good to let some things slide because it can lead to nitpicking if you bring it up often but if you're letting major things that upset you and that keep bothering you slide then thats a problem that you need to address.
Anonymous 01/29/20 (Wed) 01:57:27 PM 33391 >>33389
Yeah I'm not sweeping stuff under the rug, I just don't have anything to be angry about and neither does he I think. But my automatic response to confrontations is avoiding them at all cost so I'm afraid that no fights could be a bad thing. We've had small disagreements and arguments but no big fights. I'm afraid it could be a lack of communication too.
Anonymous 02/01/20 (Sat) 09:09:41 PM 33455 >>33391
do you have common goals? have you talked about long-term plans (where and how to live, how many kids and how to raise them)? it would be perfectly normal if you have NOT after just one year. but maybe those kinds of things are what you're starting to worry about now. otherwise, not sure what you would mean by "lack of communication".
Anonymous 02/02/20 (Sun) 08:56:54 AM 33465
someone ask me a question in the context of this thread and I'll try to answer it based on my own unique experience
Anonymous 02/03/20 (Mon) 07:06:19 PM 33497
Trying to understand what happened with my ex. I tended to see only the good in him–desireable qualities, what we had in common, good parts about him, times he was kind, etc. Once in a while he'd do something
off but I ignored it, like I was blindfolded. He broke up with me because he "couldn't see himself marrying me, and he had this ex 5 years ago he did feel that way for so he knows what it feels like." It wasn't a super long relationship so I'm fine with it. However, some things are still bothering me. He used to insult me a lot. He'd disguise it as a joke, but it wasn't, it was really venomous. And his insults never even made sense. One time I got a bag of salad for my dinner (he was eating his own special food) and he said, "that's rare, you never eat vegetables." I eat vegetables all the time…My diet is really healthy and full of vegetables and lean protein. I almost never eat junk food. He is actually overweight and does have a horrible diet, though, and never eats vegetables. So when he said that I wasn't even upset, just confused and gave him a look. But I'm an adult so I just carried on. He would say mean things about his exes all the time and it bothered me, but I just ignored it. Another time, whenever I went to his place I'd put my things in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed, because he didn't have an open shelf for me or anything. He said something like, I can just imagine what your apartment must look like, implying it was super messy, and he said it in a mean way. My place is actually spotlessly clean, and besides, where else am I going to put my stuff, you don't care enough about me to leave me a shelf and it's full of decorative items, despite my going to his place 2x a week. I had some things I would leave at his place (sweatpants and a blanket) and instead of giving me a place to put them he just shoved them in the closet against the dust-rag, and they started smelling like closet. Another time he was like, "Why do you always lean on me?" You know how a woman will rest her head on her man's shoulder when they're sitting on the couch? I'm not fat, I'm 120 lbs. Then he said that in a nasty voice one day and started leaning all his bodyweight on me, and it actually hurt and he wouldn't stop. These are probably warning flags of an abuser. I'm over it. The problem is, I don't understand why I put up with that shit for so long. A lot of the guys I date start doing abusive things, and my parents were abusive too. Usually I'm pretty good at recognizing signs, but they're everywhere, it's like the universe put an "abuse me" sign on my back and every asshole in 50 miles just flocks to me. So I start second guessing myself like, is literally every guy I date abusive or at what point is it normal and I'm just overreacting? It's like the planet is gaslighting me. So I'm upset at myself for being blind to it for 6 months. A guy on tinder insulted me 3 texts in and I unmatched him instantly. Idk, is it possible to find a guy who isn't abusive, or should I just give up and buy a dakimakura? Anonymous 02/03/20 (Mon) 07:15:37 PM 33499 >>32538 >he tells me I crippled myself and made a mistake
I mean. Sounds like a fundamental difference in lifestyle choices right there. There's more than one guy in the world, just find a new one.
As long as you aren't being super autistic and crawling under the tables, that's pretty scummy. It sounds like the woman he wants isn't the type of person you are. Do yourself a favor and move on. If you have to change yourself to fit his ideal then that's neither a favor to yourself nor him.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 01:13:45 AM 33548
Am I crazy? My boyfriend construes many of my criticisms of him as projection. It's pretty much his go-to response. I don't even know what's real anymore.
It's tough because I don't like to immediately assume the reasons why anyone does anything is necessarily projection, I think a person needs more information before they can definitively claim that. He sometimes appears to project a good amount himself, but I don't assume and I don't accuse him of that because I think it'd be unfair of me. Is there some helpful way to handle this situation? Am I just too cautious in making assumptions about what people are thinking? Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 02:06:56 AM 33550 >>33548
Using "projecting" as a argument only works in anonymous imageboards because you don't know the other person. If you know them in real life it's obvious if they're projecting or not. If the flaws you're criticizing don't exist you're projecting, if they do exist you're not.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 03:02:08 AM 33551 >>33550
Well, he is often condescending and this has been confirmed by a friend of his that he comes off that way. Him being condescending to me makes me think he views me as inferior to him or weaker. He claims the fact I get the idea he view me that way is only projection on my part. I am trying to gauge whether that is true or not - I haven't felt that my past partners viewed me that way, and I don't consciously think I am inferior or weaker than him, and even to an extent I know he doesn't at least consciously think that, but I do think he may feel that way about me due to his actions.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 03:03:58 AM 33552 >>33551
But maybe this is all an elaborate ploy of mine to justify my projection?
I appreciate outside opinions.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 03:27:01 PM 33563 >>33548 >>33551 >>33552
Honestly it sounds like he is gaslighting you and trying to get you to believe that how you feel is invalid and make you seem crazy for it. You don't seem to be crazy, I think he's just an asshole and doesn't want to accept that anything could be wrong with him. You shouldn't put up with that kind of behavior honestly, it'll take a huge toll on you.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 04:11:48 PM 33564 >>33551
You might be projecting, but it doesn't matter. The point is that you feel this way, so you two should try to solve the problem together. Being condescending is not a good thing, that alone is enough to make you feel bad without you thinking about the other stuff. Forget about the whole weak and inferior thing, just explain that the way he talks to you makes you feel bad and that you would like him to stop.
If he does see you as someone inferior there's nothing you can do anyway (except change his mind through your actions) so just live with what you have and try to make things work. He might not understand or even disagree, but that doesn't mean he should brush off the problem.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 05:44:49 PM 33566
Should I follow a guy's social media that I found? We aren't dating yet (or maybe ever) but figured my query should go itt.
Surrounding circumstances: >he asked me to coffee today and we talked a lot >he paid for mine >didn't exchange social media despite almost doing it several times >we have a group project coming up >his instagram is just his first name, not like I had to go digging far >his profile is public I could also just wait until Monday to ask but I'm an impatient baby. Truth is I found it before even talking to him, but back then it was clear I shouldn't follow. Now? Weh. Mostly I just want him to see my art so he knows he can 100% go ahead and pursue me if he wants. I draw guys who look kind of like him lmao. I just also don't want to be too creepy. Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 06:14:17 PM 33567 >>33566 >Mostly I just want him to see my art so he knows he can 100% go ahead and pursue me if he wants. I draw guys who look kind of like him
Lmao. This will not occur to him at all.
Anonymous 02/05/20 (Wed) 06:22:44 PM 33568 >>33567
What if it's a very clear feature? He's really small and I draw a lot of short guys. He even brought up his size a couple of times today.
He also makes art and, surprisingly, listens to what I have to say. Would that make it more likely?
Anonymous 02/06/20 (Thu) 07:55:24 AM 33583
I feel like I owe getting my current bf due to the law of attraction. I was so frustrated with the lack of progression in my relationship with my ex and how stagnant he was in his personal and work life. I broke up with him but I wished him all the best. However that inspired me create a mental list and manifest what I wanted in my next relationship. The list had 4 traits my ex did not have; I quickly made it up out of frustration and jest.
A month later, I met a guy irl that was everything on the list. From the first day we met, the chemistry and attraction between us was nothing like I had ever experienced. Our relationship works because we understand each other on a deep personal level even though we grew up differently and had life experiences. And also this is the very first guy that has actively pursued me and talked about our future. I think that has made a difference too. Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you. Anonymous 02/07/20 (Fri) 05:36:36 PM 33621 >>33583 >Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you. >implying all men and women are the same and like the same things Anonymous 02/07/20 (Fri) 07:10:17 PM 33622 >>33568
follow him already, why not, if you're looking for a sign this is it
Anonymous 02/08/20 (Sat) 06:51:22 PM 33648 >>33583 >lol just wait for a guy to chase you down it's that easy bee urself lmao what you are actually trying to get a boyfriend? great way to get a shitty one
Fucking Stacies out REEEE
Anonymous 02/09/20 (Sun) 05:00:23 AM 33657 >>33583 >Never chase after a man, ladies. If he wants you, he will make sure no one else gets you.
This is such retarded advice. Obviously don't "chase" anyone, but if you want to date someone then ultimately it's on you to make a move.
Anonymous 02/09/20 (Sun) 08:20:24 AM 33662
Alright anonymous ladies dismiss my advice and do whatever you want.
But look at sexual dimorphism and how in the reproductive system the sperm goes to the EGG.
Oh yeah, dudes are horrible at taking hints so be direct/ obvious as possible when showing interest.
Anonymous 02/09/20 (Sun) 04:38:01 PM 33668 >>33662 >the sperm goes to the EGG
This sounds just as retarded as the key-lock comparison where key = dick and lock = pussy.
Anonymous 02/09/20 (Sun) 11:45:29 PM 33683
Boyfriend said he’s afraid he’ll do something dumb and lose me. I reassure him and tell him I won’t be leaving him.
Something I didn’t think about until now is… Why did he randomly say that? Anonymous 02/09/20 (Sun) 11:57:56 PM 33684 >>33683
He can be feeling insecure about his:
personality, appearance, status.
Maybe you are less affectionate to him than he is used to, or he's about to take a big risk, maybe he got into or is planning some shit that he doesn't want you to know about yet.
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 12:06:34 AM 33685 >>33683
I think it's safe to assume that he jerks off to loli.
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 06:10:03 PM 33695
So the only date I ever went on wound up under a bridge during a rainstorm with the guy I liked complaining non stop about his nice shoes getting wet until he called a taxi and went home. I have no experience. I've just met a guy at uni, he's kind of weird, but intensely smart, extremely funny, generous and he likes me. I asked him out and I can't tell if his suggestion of going to a shooting range was a joke or not. Is this kind of thing a big red flag?
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 06:29:40 PM 33696 >>33695
Ummm that doesn’t sound like a very good date unless you’re into shooting as well. He kind of seems like a hick… But try and make a suggestion and see if he’s open to it.
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 06:39:19 PM 33697 >>33696
I've never shot a gun before, so I have no idea.
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 07:00:53 PM 33698 >>33622
Thank you for this, anon.
I vented the bad stuff in the other thread, but this worked out in the end.
I might have something here and it's partially thanks to you hehehe.
Anonymous 02/10/20 (Mon) 07:54:32 PM 33699 >>33695
I don't think so, but depends on the guy. Lol I think
is right, shooting seems like a hick hobby. When I was living in a college town, I attracted townies (country guys) that would be into that sort of thing. The guys that were students (mostly suburban) never looked at me twice, REEEE
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 02:01:58 AM 33704 >>33695
It sounds like he wants to share his hobby with you/show off his skills and possibly sneak in some light body touching. I'd go!!
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 02:24:05 AM 33705 >>33695
He's probably testing the waters with you. I'm assuming you live in the US or Canada, and even though recreational shooting is much more common in these countries, there are still many people who view it as "weird" or "scary." Like
said, he probably wants to make sure you won't judge him because of his hobby.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 02:45:30 AM 33706 >>33697 >>33699
proposing a shooting range isn't necessarily a hick thing, it can also just be a "ah you've never shot a gun before? it's not crazy, and it's worth a try"
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 03:59:32 AM 33708 >meet guy >super nice and respectful >good conversations >compliments me a lot for my personality and skills but also for my looks (which is super rare for me) >has 3 kids and an ex-wife (dealbreaker) Sigh. Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 06:51:47 AM 33710 >>33708
He probably just wants you to take care of his kids. Harsh but true.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 08:18:09 AM 33713 >>33712 obviously you're supposed to reply "b-baka!!" But tbh I know what you mean I think I am one too, but I'm becoming more normal I hope Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 06:09:36 PM 33718 >>33713
This will actually set him off and make him feel unloved. Reality does not imitate art. Just reciprocate his affection until your inevitable breakdown from finally being touched. Hopefully his love is genuine.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 06:47:21 PM 33721
Is it wrong to date a guy just because he's handy? I met a guy and he's not really my type, more masculine than I like, very opinionated and with a "broad" AKA edgy sense of humour, but after we went out together with friends, he noticed my car's starter was kind of struggling and fixed it on the spot, which I found out would have cost me like $400. He came to a party at a friend's place and fixed a leaky tap, then came back and fixed their plumbing.
I have a bunch of shit that needs fixing an no money to do it. How morally wrong would it be for me to date him until he fixes it? Sure I'm misleading him, but I'm not abusing him and he seems to enjoy helping people, so I'm just repaying him with companionship and intimacy rather than cash. Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 06:58:59 PM 33723 >>33721
Very. He could be with the one he loves, and you're occupying his mind. At least try to love him.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 07:05:39 PM 33724 >>33721
That's really fucked up. Stop giving the incels lurking on here ammunition.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 07:19:29 PM 33726 >>33721
lmfao anon you heartless bitch what the fuck
How about you treat him well as a human being and as a friend
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 07:24:38 PM 33727 >>33721
Give him to me, I would actually appreciate him.
Anonymous 02/11/20 (Tue) 07:31:34 PM 33728 >>33721
Go for it. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out, he has no right to complain about it.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 04:09:54 AM 33802 >>33721
So I went for it, we had lunch and he just fixed the malfunctioning lights in my room that would have cost soothe $400 or so. I'm also kind of softening up to the whole overt masculinity thing, even if he does make jokes at the expense of the worst and most obscure tragedies in human history.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 01:54:58 PM 33807 >>33802
I dislike both of you.
So you probably belong together.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 03:36:49 PM 33809 >>33802
He's probably the type of /pol/ tier men who complain precisely about women like you. Thanks for proving him right and contributing to the incel problem.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 04:17:00 PM 33810 >>33802
>>33803 >>33807 >>33809
I don't get these replies. Anon said she was having money problems and you act all and mighty lol. It's a white lie.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 04:27:58 PM 33811 >>33810
And then she's gonna dump the guy when there's nothing left for him to fix. How would you feel if someone used you like that?
This isn't even about being male or female or romantically involved. She's being a bad person.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 04:45:34 PM 33812 >>33811
Not everyone has the choice to be good. Did you even watch Parasite?
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 05:17:26 PM 33813
How should I escalate with a guy I'm doing a uni project with?
We get along very well and he seems to enjoy my company, I just don't want to ruin it or make the project awkward since it's just the two of us. How do I drop hints? Or should I just wait until after exams to bluntly confess? We have a break soon, also. Should I ask to hang out if we've known each other for two weeks? Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 05:43:46 PM 33814 >>33813
what subject are you doing anon? Im having a very similar situation I posted about in a vent thread lmao
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 06:29:48 PM 33815 >>33812
Those people should just kill themselves desu.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 06:46:00 PM 33816 >>33812 >not everyone has the choice to be good
Obviously, yet their choice in being criminals as opposed to revolutionary is retarded.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 06:59:38 PM 33818 >>33814
It's a business course.
Are you the anon who keeps updating? If so, I always wish you the best.
Or…are you him? Kek I did hint that I post on a tiny imageboard.
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 07:05:16 PM 33819 >>33818
yeah Im the anon who post updates lol. I doubt your guy knows about this place
Id say two weeks is enough time to ask him to hang out. maybe ask him if he wants to go see parasite. it p popular
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 07:22:29 PM 33822 >>33819
Thank you, anon. I'll try to build up to it this weekend.
The last push from this board has brought us closer so hopefully this also works. It gives me confidence to know some gal out there supports me, haha.
And for you: do you think knowing him is what makes him less exciting now, as well? Or do you even think his personality contributes (since you mentioned he's a bit odd)?
Anonymous 02/13/20 (Thu) 07:35:11 PM 33823 >>33822
I think its a mixture of the fact its hard to have a "flowing" conversation with him and also the fact that the group project is forcing me to talk to people basically every day so my desire for socialising is pretty depleted
hes also someone who shows genuine enthusiasm for things, but Im more sarcastic. I think he took some of what I intended to be jokes the wrong way, which has put some distance between us
good luck tho. I hope things go well for you!
Anonymous 02/14/20 (Fri) 08:01:54 AM 33834 >>32901 >guy is hurt because his ex didn't break up with him in person >send him a message about wanting to break up with him >shocked that he blocked you
Yes, i know it's a little different but not THAT much, you know? with his ex he just noticed he was blocked one day, with you he just got a message about "needing to talk" AKA i'm breaking up with you.
Anonymous 02/20/20 (Thu) 05:08:36 PM 33956
Is it a bad idea to stay friends with someone who rejected you? i had a guy recently who i really clicked and we were flirting together reject me because his ex who he loves came back into his life. i feel very disappointed to say the least and a little hurt but i'm not devastated because its not like we had been talking for THAT long. i just worry if we continue to stay friends that i will just be hurt in the long run. does anyone have expierence with this?
Anonymous 02/20/20 (Thu) 09:48:23 PM 33970 >>33956
Cut it. Unless he's really good with conversation, I wouldn't stick around for the fallout.
Anonymous 02/21/20 (Fri) 06:29:10 AM 33974
He ended up telling me that he wants to continue talking to me incase things with his ex (now gf again) doesn't work out. To have me around as a second option. So I guess I got my answer
Anonymous 02/21/20 (Fri) 03:16:01 PM 33984
If he rarely messages first does it mean he doesn't like me?
He replies quickly (and often in detail) and always interacts with my social media posts. We have met up twice outside of convenient times (meaning right after class). He seems to enjoy interacting with me in person and always like to extend our time together. It's just this. We aren't dating so I'm worried he actually doesn't feel the same because of it. Anonymous 02/21/20 (Fri) 03:18:19 PM 33986 >>33984
maybe he feels like hes bothering you if hes messaging you often
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 12:22:24 AM 33995 >>33984 >>33986
Nope, don't make excuses for this. Chances are he forgets you when you aren't in his immediate vision. Some people only go for things when they are convenient and don't have to do any work. If you really want to be sure, hold off on messaging him first for a while and see if he even bothers to reach out. If he doesn't, you have your answer.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 02:36:30 AM 34003 >>33995 >lol just ghost him
Do you try to ruin relationships on purpose, or is it just subconscious?
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 02:56:21 AM 34006 >>33986
Maybe, idk. He has expressed insecurity about being boring before but he's not a shy boy. Kind of passive, but not shy.
See, I was doing this but then caved and messaged him today since I simply love talking to the man. Eh, it might be easier to do when I'm not on holiday. But by then I'll be seeing him almost every day so neither of us would need to anyway!
He does remember details about me if that means anything. A friend of his also followed me out of the blue at some point, which could indicate talking about me.
…if I messaged him then ghosted over a weekend it probably would cause intrigue. But it's also manipulative and bad.
I only ghost when my mental health demands alone time. Honest ghosting.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:08:40 AM 34007 >>34003
It isn't ghosting. It's simply taking a step the fuck back so she can actually gauge his interest and willingness to put in the effort and talk to her. Why would you want a relationship where the other party puts in no effort for you and is completely passive? That can be detrimental later on, when you realize you were supporting the relationship the entire time and they were just along for the ride. I've observed this many times with friends, and it's almost always the woman who is putting in the most effort. If someone wants to talk to you they would make it very clear, like that Anon is doing by initiating. This is coming from someone who loves to initiate and is very proactive too. But conversation and communication takes effort from both parties. From what we've seen, he talks and meets with her mostly when it's convenient instead of making her a priority.
Basically, if you want a serious relationship, you should be gauging if he puts in the effort to talk to you, and actually arranges to meet up outside of convenient times. It's good that he remembers things you say, but keep in mind that is the bare minimum.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:21:47 AM 34011 >>34006
I know he's a mouse. There's no doubt about it, but he could just be putting up a façade. Simply reaching out to him about it, or just telling him you'd like to be messaged by him. Prepare for cling.
Remember that he could he thinking that if he so much as sends two texts in a row, that he'll be ghosted. The key is to diffuse the social faux pas, rather than shake the tree until it comes down.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:35:00 AM 34012 >>34011
I'm under the assumption that she's actively texting him (multiple times in a row) and trying to have conversations. She can correct me if I'm wrong. If she's reaching out that much, then I'm having a hard time believing that he thinks he can't sent her multiple or longer messages and also initiate more.
But yeah, I guess she can just straight up ask him if they could talk more. Hopefully it doesn't turn into her having to ask for everything, though. Usually having to ask guys to do basic shit like this can be indicative of a bigger problem (laziness, low effort, bad compatibility)
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:36:40 AM 34013 >>33984
It doesn't mean that at all.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:48:21 AM 34015 >>34012 >I'm having a hard time believing that he thinks he can't sent her multiple or longer messages and also initiate more
You'd be surprised. He could be scared to death of rejection. Maybe he's been through it before, or more likely he hasn't. He's probably not lazy, just a nervous wreck.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:53:41 AM 34017 >>34015
I guess OP will find out eventually. It's just annoying when men are portrayed as little innocent babby bois when in reality they are simply being apathetic or inconsiderate.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 04:02:20 AM 34018 >>34007 >convenient times
tbf we haven't known each other very long, only a few weeks. 2/6 times have been outside of our regular lunch meets. He also always pays for my food unless I intervene.
It's just bizarre since he is chatty and nice irl, and even during messaging he never lets me be the last one to send a message. He simply also rarely starts them.
What exactly constitutes multiple texts, anyway? I'm sometimes longwinded and often split up messages to avoid wall of text.
Like I said, he usually replies similarly. Even his few starters have been a couple messages long.
I'll try to cool off, though. I've moved a
past initial infatuation so it should be easier to stop thinking of him 24/7.
>>34013 >>34015 >>34017
My ego likes the narrative that he's intimidated and afraid to bug me, but who knows. I guess I'm more "together" than he is, too, and he has said things that imply he feels this to be the case. I think he's more socially adjusted than me though…
For now I'll just be nice but also stop bothering him.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 04:11:26 AM 34020 >>34018
Ah, that's not a long time at all. I apologize for being nitpicky. You are fine then. If he is still doing this months in then he probably is not interested. It's ok to be enthusiastic but he should also be matching your effort as well. Give it more time.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 04:26:55 AM 34021 >>34018 >he also always pays for my food unless I intervene
All of what you're saying just tells me he's really polite. It'd be a shame if his affection was met with coldness. He might think you're bored of him. Don't waste an opportunity, anon.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 05:16:24 AM 34022 >>34021
Paying for her food is not mere politeness. That's a clear sign he's interested in her.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:40:53 PM 34029 >>34020 >>34021
Nvm, pretty sure he hates me now.
I replied to his message after he went to sleep last night and he hasn't even read it this morning despite being online. I made a good joke and everything.
I thought it was too good to be true. Oh well. I'll probably feel bad for a week and then wait for the next boy to come along.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 03:54:56 PM 34030 >>34029
I think you are being too sensitive. What could he possibly hate you for? And even if he did, that would be completely irrational and I say you dodged a bullet.
Anonymous 02/22/20 (Sat) 06:39:40 PM 34032 >>34022
Going out of his way every time unless she orders him not to? That's ridiculously gentle. He must be trying
hard to make a good impression. I wonder if he'll put his coat down on puddles, too.
Anonymous 02/23/20 (Sun) 02:36:20 AM 34039
…you were right. He revealed that he apparently listens to a playlist I made him everyday. And he's been throwing (a long!) one together for me, which may have been taking up his free time. FFFFuck.
He's too uwu for this world. Maybe he doesn't like me romantically, but he is very sweet and at least a good friend.
I'll learn to be less paranoid.
Anonymous 02/23/20 (Sun) 03:24:16 AM 34040 >>34039 >maybe he doesn't like me romantically
I'm pretty sure he
likes you romantically.
No, no, no. You take him and you run! This is seriously a rare find. Don't give me that "too good for me" talk. You need to take advantage of the situation first and foremost!
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 07:08:50 PM 34068 >>33984
Some men are just retarded on how to use texting, they don't understand them or something
My longterm BF of 2 years almost never messages me first but in person he is the most loving, warm individual I've ever met.
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 08:55:02 PM 34070
my kinda cereal.jp…
there's this guy I like but I can't figure out if he likes me back wtf do I do
>used to have Italian classes together last semester >saw him every other day at school, didn't talk much back then though >now we're taking Japanese together >see him once a week >we're both introverts >don't talk much but we have a lot of things in common >I'm the only one he talks to in class >one day we're both in his car just talking about school and stuff >he asks me if I want to try taking a drag on his cigarette >itsanindirectkiss.jpg >asked him out on a date on valentine's day >he accepted >met at a bar/coffee shop thing and had a good time, overall it was pretty chill >he dropped me off at my house >gave him a tiny cactus as a present >he says thanks and hugs me >we message each other all the time >i send him heart emojis and stickers but he never reciprocates/leaves me on read when i do >notice he's never been directly romantic with me >didn't go to class this week so haven't seen him in a while is he just really shy or does he put up with me because i'm his only friend? i feel so dumb for being so openly and obviously into him when i'm not even sure he sees me that way, he's like a solid 8/10 and i'm a 6 at best i really like him but this is all just too confusing Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 09:05:59 PM 34072 >>34068
maybe there right…..
that some times internet
DOES CAUSE loneliness
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 09:08:50 PM 34073
Who Dat Boy.jpg
A guy I met at a cafe recently posted pic related.
He is pretty cool and lovely, and I want to ask him out. The thing is, he's the vocalist of a relatively well known local band, and I am so freaking paranoid because I think "famous" guys tend to be such fuckboy cunts when they have a girl. Should I do it if I want him for more than a mere date? Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 09:12:12 PM 34074 >>34073
Unless he's an idol, you shouldn't worry about being chased away. It's just a Hollywood stereotype, but if he wants to go big and not just make music, then I'd say your suspicions are correct.
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 09:19:12 PM 34075 >>34040 >>34068
Just an update, although my problem is essentially solved.
That anon was right about him having a bad experience in the past. Apparently, a girl he liked for most of his youth lead him along on social media before breaking his heart. He didn't blame her (because he's a sweetie) but it's given him doubt/low confidence. We also talked deeply about feels and stuff today…I don't want to leap into anything too soon, but I can see myself falling in love with him.
Thanks for supporting me, gals. Both in this thread and others.
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 10:13:41 PM 34078 >>34075
You are so blessed to have this opportunity. Please, anon. Help him feel loved. Hope the best for both of you.
Anonymous 02/24/20 (Mon) 10:18:36 PM 34079 >>34074
Their music is pretty good tho, and he said the whole concept came from him. But he mentioned something about
and leaving the shithole he lives in.
Seems pretty genuine but I don't know how to see this (ToT)
Anonymous 02/27/20 (Thu) 01:26:04 AM 34108 >>34068
More then that, some of you need to learn to understand that not everyone is as enthusiastic as you are when it comes to talking for its own sake. Especially for introverted people, simple things like tezting6/talking on the phone can be an emotionally draining experience, and a lot of people like that only talk when they specifically feel that they have something they need to say. I used to think that my brother hated the family or something because whenever we text him memes or jokes it takes hours or even DAYS for him to respond. But then when you approach him in person he will talk your ear off, especially when on a subject that he's passionate about.
I think for boys especially a lot of them do not get mental stimulation from talking and sharing ideas purely for its own sake. If bring in constant communication with your SO is a personal line in the Sand for you then sure, move on, but I think it's a grave mistake to jump straight to "this person doesn't care about me/love me because I keep sending them dank memes but they never send me anything!"!
Anonymous 02/27/20 (Thu) 03:25:52 PM 34124 >>34108
Anon with the original issue here. What's funny is that I AM one of those introverts. I've ruined many friendships because I just start ghosting people for months when we don't see each other daily. Even my best friend. At one point I didn't reply to him for a year.
But it's just different when I want to date someone. I want to interact every day; it doesn't tire me out if we get along and I like them so much. The magic of love…or infatuation. Whatever. So I guess I assumed it would be similar for others.
I think the issue here with this guy (which has become clear) is that we're both generally listeners. I talk a bit more, but neither of us are used to leading the conversation. It's kind of great though since we can really share ideas and opinions without either party being too pushy. I'd rather this than someone super outgoing who never hears me out.
He does like talking to me though, and has started a couple conversations now too. I was simply criticizing him for being how I am lmao. Imagine!
Anonymous 02/29/20 (Sat) 10:36:53 AM 34151
Has anyone tried any of the fancier sites like eharmony? I tried Match but it was just a long line of low quality normies.
Anonymous 02/29/20 (Sat) 12:41:39 PM 34152 >>34151
eharmony is great for guys because the gender ratio is reversed, most dating sites are 60+ men but eharmony is 66% women, that means there are two women for every man on the site
Anonymous 03/01/20 (Sun) 10:57:17 PM 34167 >>34151 >>34152
Apparently I read you have to answer 100 or more questions, explains why it chases away more men
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 06:40:14 PM 34245
I've been single since high school, but I've met a really great guy. We've been together for a while now and while he is smart, funny, strong-willed and warm, there's something I just can't ignore and I don't know if it's a genuine red flag or me imagining it. He seems to be overly cold and logical, able and willing to completely ignore his and other's feelings about anything and everything. He's a scientist, so I knew he'd be very rational, but this is kind of on another level.
It started with small things, like dismissing mass international tragedies without a hint of compassion or surprise. It started to worry me when we witnessed a car crash and instead of helping the kids in the back seat, ran to turn the ignition off. What's concerning me more than that is the fact his uncle, who he was apparently very close to, died weeks ago and he hasn't showed a hint of sadness or grief. Lots of these events have been cropping up and I don't know if I'm right to worry or just overreacting. Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 06:42:06 PM 34246 >>34245
That sounds very normal for guys. What about it concerns you?
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 06:55:17 PM 34249 >>34246
It's normal for some guys, and some women are into that.
But if anon wants an emotional boy she should perhaps reconsider. If you're an empathetic/sympathetic person it makes sense to wish for a partner who is similar. I know since I've been seeking even moderately soft boys myself (and have found several, they're not even that rare tbh).
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 06:56:33 PM 34250 >>34246
I guess I just don't have the experience. It seems like worrying sociopath behaviour and it's not something I see in my male friends.
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 07:03:18 PM 34251 >>34249
He's soft, warm and loving when it comes to me, but it seems like he can just switch it all off as soon as he needs to.
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 07:03:36 PM 34252 >>34250
Why not just date your friends?
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 07:09:05 PM 34253 >>34252
They're great friends, just not boyfriend material.
Anonymous 03/05/20 (Thu) 07:18:01 PM 34254 >>34253
What makes them not boyfriend material?
Anonymous 03/06/20 (Fri) 02:49:09 AM 34276 >>34251
This sounds like every boy ever.
Anonymous 03/06/20 (Fri) 10:35:03 PM 34313
posting ITT because I don't want to make a separate thread for this.
I'm often catching myself wanting a BF from 4chan, maybe it's something to do with having someone you don't need to hide your so called power level from and maybe it also has something to do with being too much of an emotional idiot to imagine attracting someone outside of the internet. While I'm sure there are plenty of guys who'd like that, I can't imagine where to look and how to contact them, specifically, those that are one of the nicer ones instead of the mouth breathing idiots the site is infested with. Only thing that comes to mind is /soc/, which is a board meant for people to come in contact with one another, but the whole place is just so… sleazy? downright pornographic? I can barely stomach going there without feeling weird and I can't imagine anyone half decent being there. Does anyone have or has ever had a BF from 4chan? how did you meet him? is it a reasonable idea or a moronic thought stemming from loneliness? Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 12:27:50 AM 34315 >>34313
4chan is really diverse in the type of people who post there, so it's kinda hard to know what you mean by, "wanting a BF from 4chan." Like, there's /pol/tards, /v/edditors, /k/ommandos, /jp/sies, /a/ weebs, the mentally disturbed of /r9k/, /g/entoomen, and on, and on, and on…
Pretty much the only places you can find people are /r9k/ (wouldn't recommend it, though. Even the "normal" ones are often just time bombs waiting to go off. There's also
of underaged there.) and /soc/. If you're committed, /soc/ can be worth it, but your mileage may vary. If you're going to use /soc/, I'd recommend lurking the discord threads and adding anyone who catches your interest;
do not post your own account
you'll just get spammed to death by like 30+ horny dudes. Generally, avoid people who put one sentence answers to stuff; if they're not going to put in any effort, they're probably just horny dudes looking for a fling and nothing serious. /soc/ is pretty gross, but occasionally there are a few diamonds in the rough.
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 01:36:03 AM 34316 >>34313
Avoid the social boards /b/soc/r9k/cgl/fit/ they are full of narcissistic sociopaths and also are often underage.
Avoid the politics related boards /pol/int/his/ unless youunironically want to find a racist
Avoid /a/v/tv/ because they're manchildren who rabidly hate women
Go to one of the hobbyist boards like /diy/o/out/an/p/
Avoid /k/ it's /pol/-lite
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 01:39:52 AM 34317 >>34316
Can I add onto this?
I would put avoid /ic. That board is full of man children. Or treat it how
mentions /soc. Add people but don't post your info.
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 02:55:26 AM 34320
Really need some advice guys. A year ago I nearly kissed another guy when very drunk at a club. To this day I’m still wrecked by guilt and I could never tell him, I don’t think I could cope with hurting him like that. Our relationship is beautiful and I love him so much, I don’t even understand what made me nearly do such a thing. I quit drinking for a year until I felt I could trust myself and know I’d never do anything like that again. I just don’t know how to deal with this pain
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 04:16:37 AM 34323 >>34320
Nearly kissing means you didn't kiss, which prompts the question of what, exactly, did you do that you now feel guilty about?
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 04:29:50 AM 34324 >>34320
Just promise yourself you won't do it again. Don't shame yourself over it.
Intent to kiss is an intent to kiss. Also being drunk is kind of bad.
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 08:03:13 AM 34328 >>34324 >Intent to kiss is an intent to kiss.
Sure, but she never said anything about having the intent.
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 12:28:30 PM 34332 >>34315 >>34316
so basically just give /soc/'s discord threads a shot anyway and hope to strike gold?
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 01:08:50 PM 34333 >>34323 >>34324 >>34328
I leaned in to kiss him but he kind of moved away so I quickly got the hint and we acted like it never happened. It honestly scares the fuck out of me to think what could have happened if he didn’t move away
Anonymous 03/07/20 (Sat) 01:38:53 PM 34336 >>34333
It's okay, anon. Just never get intoxicated. It's bad for you, and this proves it.
Anonymous 03/08/20 (Sun) 10:32:50 PM 34392 >>32371
Post the rest of the context.
He probably misunderstood what you wanted, usually when you "go back to my/your place" it means that you want to have sex, not watch Family Guy.
It's not a problem that you wanted to stop, but try to make it clear to him why you did, that you were drunk etc.
Anonymous 03/09/20 (Mon) 10:56:50 PM 34404 >>32901
I mean you were going to break up with him anyway right? Are you just mad he beat you to the punch?
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 09:10:07 AM 34410 >>34320
When you say that you tried to kiss him,you mean like a litle innocent kiss?or a passionate k i s s ?you know,with your tongue and that stuff
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 09:26:34 AM 34411 >>34410
What difference does it make? Either would be cheating.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 11:18:50 AM 34414 >>32381 >>34413
And you are dense. If someone is truly sorry, they apologize immediately instead of trying to deflect. It's a subtle thing you don't really notice. Trust me. He was trying to push boundaries and see where it went. It was good in the end he backed off, but a guy who does shit to women in the first place when they're drunk isn't a good dude. Pass.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 11:41:13 AM 34415 >>34320
Tell your SO you nearly made a mistake, recognized you nearly made a mistake, made corrections to avoid it, and how much it's been racking you with guilt. Simple as.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 02:47:50 PM 34417 >>34415 >you nearly made a mistake, recognized you nearly made a mistake, made corrections to avoid it, and how much it's been racking you with guilt.
This comes off like a conceited attempt at asking for forgiveness for actually cheating. Don't do this.
In my opinion, it'd be better to try and tie it into a question, like, "Have you ever done something stupid while you were drunk?" and then talk about yourself and why you feel so guilty about what happened.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 04:10:01 PM 34418 >>34417
No. Hundred times no to this. Just come forward blunt and honest. Beg for him to forgive you.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 07:22:44 PM 34430 >>34418 >Just come forward blunt and honest.
This is fine.
>Beg for him to forgive you. This is not.
Asking someone to forgive you for something you
did almost always comes across as if you really did do it.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 07:29:35 PM 34431 >>34430
Being shameless and prideful over what you
didn't do is very, very bad for your partner's trust. If he forgives you, don't do it again, and if he doesn't, you still shouldn't do it again.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 07:34:53 PM 34432 >>34431
I'm not saying to be prideful or even shameless, I'm saying that going in the opposite direction and outright
for forgiveness sends the wrong message too.
Anonymous 03/10/20 (Tue) 08:13:33 PM 34434 >>34433
What does send the wrong message is both extremes. Seeming too remorseful makes it seem as if
that thing you didn't do,
that you're really torn up about, you actually did do. And not caring at all, makes it seem as if you think it's fine to kiss strangers. Either one of those things makes it sound as if she has cheated or would cheat in the future.
I'm really not sure there's any avenue for going about this that doesn't send some kind of wrong message. To most people, feeling bad about something you
do only really "makes sense" if you could have prevented someone from getting hurt or similar.
Obviously, it makes sense that she would feel distraught about nearly kissing some random guy while drunk, but this whole situation just owes itself to misinterpretation no matter how you present it is the thing. After all, you can't forgive someone for
doing something wrong, which is why asking for forgiveness sounds wrong in the first place.
Anonymous 03/12/20 (Thu) 03:58:29 PM 34440 >>34434 >To most people, feeling bad about something you didn't do only really "makes sense" if you could have prevented someone from getting hurt or similar.
Why? Most people don't care if they fail to help someone.
Anonymous 03/20/20 (Fri) 03:50:06 AM 34723
Bi-anons in mono relationships with men, how do you deal with potentially never touching women (again if applicable)?
I may finally have a chance with my dream guy, but now am suddenly being hit with more intense gay thoughts than usual. Is this decision right? Should I search for a wife instead? Will I regret it? Anonymous 03/20/20 (Fri) 06:01:02 AM 34726 >>34723 >mono relationships
Get this cuckold language outta here.
Anonymous 03/20/20 (Fri) 08:19:55 AM 34728 >>34723
I'm in the same situation, I've always liked women a bit more than men but there's no available bi/lesbians where I live and ldr's are a real pain
recently I met a really cute guy and we might start dating soon
I thought about hooking up with a random girl just to see what it's like before I'm taken but I'm scared of liking it so much I'll lose interest in the guy I'm seeing lol
internalized homophobia is fun
Anonymous 03/20/20 (Fri) 06:03:04 PM 34754 >>34726
I was just trying to avoid anyone suggesting "just open the relationship, sis" because that's not what I want, either.
Same, although I consider myself a 50/50 bisexual currently. I also fear I'd lose interest in men, even to the point of restricting masturbation to women off and on for years in order to encourage my attraction to men.
God. That sounds awful now that I've written it out.
At this point I'm just going with "if it doesn't work out, I'll only date women afterwards." But what if I'm blessed and it does work out? I feel like I can never dedicate myself like I thought I could. What a curse.
I hope you can work your issue out, too, anon.
Anonymous 03/23/20 (Mon) 12:52:19 AM 34838 >>34410
Passionate kiss, I was just horny. I’m scared I could have gone even further than that and the thought of it makes me want to throw up. It’s been well over a year now and I still feel fucking awful about it
Anonymous 03/23/20 (Mon) 12:57:57 AM 34839 >>34440 >>34434
I think he’ll believe what I tell him and know I’m truly sorry so that really isn’t an issue. This is a long term relationship and we live together, so he knows me well enough. I don’t know how the fuck I’ll gather the courage to even tell him this though, he’s highly sensitive and seeing him hurt would be the end of me. I feel sick and horrible just thinking about it
Anonymous 03/23/20 (Mon) 04:38:47 AM 34840 >>34723
A good guy won't care if you have a girlfriend as well even if he doesn't get any threesome action.
Anonymous 03/23/20 (Mon) 11:41:21 AM 34843 >>34839
Just confess, anon.
Most people aren't perfect, anon. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Anonymous 03/24/20 (Tue) 09:17:48 PM 34893
Bi girl in a straight relationship here. I was heavily in the closet for years (only experience was hooking up with a girl at overnight camp as a teen but never told anyone) but I started to come out to online friends in my early 20's. A few years later I found a boyfriend but the lesbian urges did not go away (so much for straight relationship = straight for life).
So far I just get off to lesbian bdsm and cuckquean porn while I do straight stuff with my bf which is good enough for me. Pretty much halted any plans of coming out though since it will just confuse people. My bf doesn't know the extent of it since I was never fully out, but I recommend telling yours once you are comfortable with each other. You'll be the cool gf who "lets" her man have threesomes.
Anonymous 03/26/20 (Thu) 12:32:06 AM 34936 >>34840 >>34893
I appreciate your responses, but I'm really not into the idea of have two partners or threesomes. My ideal is to dedicate myself to one person for life, I guess I just have an extra bump in the road to doing it.
That said, if you guys are functioning well then all the power to you.
Anonymous 04/11/20 (Sat) 09:28:02 PM 35407 >>33984
He probably just doesn't want to appear clingy or is too shy.
Anonymous 04/14/20 (Tue) 03:59:23 AM 35512 >>35407
Thank you for replying to an old post, anon.
He actually does like me, it turns out. But we aren't dating for complicated reasons.
Anonymous 04/25/20 (Sat) 12:38:05 AM 35852
There's a guy I'm seeing, and he's super nerdy and submissive. But my problem is that I've only dated girls before and, despite his very sub nature, I'm still terrified of males and their different body.
I know what's wrong with me, but I can't figure out how to fix it. It's not as easy as "just let him touch you", that's not how it works. Advice? Anonymous 04/25/20 (Sat) 01:46:14 AM 35853 >>35852
Talk to him about how you feel. Tell him you would feel more comfortable if you could lead all touching, kissing, etc.
Anonymous 04/25/20 (Sat) 03:05:43 AM 35855 >>35853
But that's the problem.
I'm not sexually attracted to him as much as I am mentally attracted to him. I crave his attention but I'm worried he's gonna leave if I don't give him that back.
And the reason I can't is because I'm still very uncomfortable with the idea of a man touching me.
Anonymous 04/25/20 (Sat) 12:47:36 PM 35861 >>35855
Maybe you’re just better as friends?
Anonymous 04/25/20 (Sat) 03:09:47 PM 35865 >>35853
No, he's made it crystal clear he wants more. And I didn't turn him down either, because to be brutally honest… I want more too.
I just can't stand how my body and mind are two separate things over this. I don't want to let my issue be a dealbreaker, but it's definitely getting in the way, and for once I don't want to give up.
How do people do it?? I just don't understand how it can look so comfortable to you, when I can't even begin to imagine the idea of being touched.
Anonymous 05/01/20 (Fri) 05:09:31 AM 35997
This is my first time posting on this board, and I hope that someone can help me with my problems when it comes to dating and such.
I'm a girl who has a genetic disease called Muscular Dystrophy although the subtype of my illness is still unknown, and I also use a wheelchair. I live in a SEA country with my strict parents. I've never dated anyone IRL, but I've been into 3 online relationships before, which sadly didn't last long, and most of the guys I loved were from foreign countries. I still want to that a person with marriage in mind, but I have way too many imperfections that I feel so insecure and inferior. All I want is to be with a guy who I can share my interests and hobbies with, who can accept me for who I am, and to be with them until I die. I have no choice but to rely on others due to my physical limitations, and I'm scared that anyone would be turned off by it and think that I'm useless or inadequate. My inferiority complex has gone pretty bad that I even developed social anxiety, and it makes it even harder for me to speak to people. I'm not even interested in dating people who live in my country because I hardly have anything in common with them, and the ones I end up liking are always from the other side of the world. I don't want to give up, but it's getting really hard. Even if I found someone who I like, I always have to pull myself away because I feel like they deserve someone better. I want to help my family and focus on them, but I really want to be loved and accepted by someone else. How should I go on about it and what can I do to find someone who won't ever mind spending his life with a disabled person? Anonymous 05/01/20 (Fri) 06:51:19 AM 36001 >>35997
Speaking from personal experience - there really are some guys who have a nurturing personality and actually will enjoy being caregivers while in a relationship. Some of them take if too far and it can seem patronising or like they see you as a child. But there are others who will find it fulfilling to cherish and take care of you. That said, in many Western countries it has been shown in research that men are not socialised to value caring, and when wives become ill e.g. with cancer, the husbands will often leave them. So it is less common to find these people.
As to how you can find someone, I'm not sure I can give advice as I don't know your living situation. But I would say that for all relationships you have to build some sense of self - not just think of yourself as a burden, but someone worthwhile who is unique and charming. Even if you aren't perfect. And when you do find someone that you develop feelings for, let them know that you think they are worthwhile and charming too! Best of luck anon.
Anonymous 05/01/20 (Fri) 04:57:26 PM 36008 >>35997
It's less important to share hobbies and interests with your significant other than you might think, anon.
I've had 3 long term relationships and technically the first relationship was the one where I shared the most interests with my partner. But our personalities weren't compatible at all. I don't like loud displays of affection, I don't like silly, harmless childish antics (like they weren't harmful, but it bugged me), I am not a social butterfly like he was, and we came from very different families.
My next relationship lasted a long time. I didn't share a fuckload of interests with this guy, but it was alright; we were accommodating of our different interests. We would also do things together than "leaned" towards the other's interest. For example, he really liked certain movies so we'd watch them together, and although I didn't like them on a certain "natural" level, I learned to appreciate them in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. I really cherished them, as a result. He would do the same for me. What was important in that relationship is we were both joined at the hip, so to speak. We were constantly talking and making each other feel understood. I knew I could tell him anything and it was the same for him. Our personalities gelled together despite the fact we didn't share interests, and in fact, I would argue that us not sharing interests strengthened our bond.
However, he bypassed some serious boundaries, and even though they were mistakes, I knew I could not ever stay with him.
My current boyfriend I fell in love with and he's the first person I've felt that way with That's it. Our relationship kind of sucks, but I blame it on my BPD. We share some interests, not many, and our personalities are so similar that we butt heads a lot.
The point is, interests and hobbies are not the most important thing, I'd argue personality compatibility is (which again, for some people could be an opposite personality, but for some, it's a person with a similar personality to their own), and as for
>be with them until I die
Who knows. Every relationship is a bit of a gamble in that regard. I accept it, even in the times where I'd really like that to be true.
sorry. It turns out I was venting myself. But I hope my experiences have been of use to you.
Anonymous 05/01/20 (Fri) 07:15:37 PM 36012 >>36008 >he bypassed some serious boundaries
sorry, I don't mean to be nosey, but I wondered what exactly you mean by this?
Anonymous 05/06/20 (Wed) 06:38:08 AM 36091
Any tips on how to get over a guy I never dated?
We flirted with each other for a few months but he made the right call because we would be a horrible match lmao. Our lifestyles and the morals we live by are quite different. Yet I just can't stop being sentimental about the good, hours long chats and how kind and sentimental he was. It's awful. We're already no longer talking (at my request), any other advice is welcome. Anonymous 05/06/20 (Wed) 05:50:02 PM 36097 >>36091
This sounds like limerence anon.
Anonymous 05/06/20 (Wed) 10:09:26 PM 36100 >>36097
Oh, definitely. Still can't get the lil bugger out of my head though.
Anonymous 05/07/20 (Thu) 12:47:16 AM 36103
My boyfriend is coming over tomorrow (we haven't seen each other in person since the beginning of quarantine) to sit down and have a conversation about our relationship. He's been acting weird recently, and I suspect he'll break up with me tomorrow. I kind of agree that it might be the right choice to make, and I've thought about it a lot before now. It still makes me very sad though, and I can't help but be afraid that I'm making the wrong choice, and that if I tried harder or something it would work. There wasn't a huge incident or argument or anything to trigger this. What if he's the one and I can't do better? What if I can't find another person like him? At the moment he's my best friend, and I'd be extremely lonely, which isnt great considering quarantine going on. Does anyone have advice? I've gathered up his things, deleted pictures, etc. So I'm prepared in terms of that. I'm just scared, I haven't been in a ton of relationships so I don't have a lot of experience with how to handle this. Feelsbadman :,^(