/feels/ - Advice & Venting

getting punched in the face by my crackhead uncle

My dad stalked my mom and I after a messy violent divorce, we had to move several times and I had to constantly switch schools. Restraining orders didn't work, begging my court-ordered therapist to tell the courts not to give him custody didn't work, and I was becoming somebody that I really disliked.

getting thrown into sea as a toddler to learn how to swim. I did actually learned how to swim that way, but I almost drowned and didn't go deeper than waist until I was 14

Something so traumatic that I can't remember.

>>34232
Same. All I know is it was a really invasive medical exam when I was 3. I have no memory of it and I am a-ok with that.

Discovered I'm the spawn of my mum cucking my dad with my oldest brother's best friend when he was like 12.

It completely tore the family apart, and even though he says he loves me and nothing would change that, every time my dad looks at me, I can see the pain all over his face.

>>34438
There's no waking up from this nightmare.

>>34206
In sophomore year of hs, a college counselor told my crush my grades and standardized test scores while in a private meeting with him. The implication was that I wasn't smart enough to get into (insert prestigious school here). She also claimed I could never be a programmer because I got Bs in French class, because spoken languages and programming languages are the same thing.

Painful vivid memory of saying goodbye to my dad for the last time when my parents got divorced and me and my mom moved away. I spent the morning drawing with chalk on the sidewalk before we left so he would see the drawings later and remember me.

>>34472
What happened to him after that?

>>34452
Are you in some society where programming courses are really prestigious

>>34206
>traumatic experiences
Dad beating the shit out of me
>most traumatic experience
That time he beat the shit out of me really hard

>>34437
How did you even discover that?

>>34504
I became really close with him (let's just go with J) because he was so close to my brother and, since J's a geneticist, I asked him to organise a DNA test because I distrust 23andMe. He was really hesitant, and when some things just didn't add up, my mother became really defensive and I arranged a paternity test. When I confronted her with the results, all hell broke loose and the whole lie unfolded. J came clean and revealed he'd known since he was 13 or 14, and been in constant tension with my mother over it, wanting to tell me since I was little. My dad organised paternity tests for my brothers and that was it, family detonated.

I decided to look back at photos and found one of all of us in a big picture from school with J standing right behind me, same eyes, same hair, same skin and same ears…right next to my brown eyed, brown haired, tanned brothers.

>>34546
I am sorry to hear that. are you still in contact with J ? how is he coping with being assaulted at 12 ??

>>34547
We still see each other, and he's still friends with my brother, while my other brothers despise him and hold him accountable for destroying the family. He's always been very fatherly and protective of me, but now he's just more open about it. He says he forgave my mother years ago, but the vitriol between them is proof enough he still rightfully harbors resentment and I think it shows my mother really doesn't believe she did anything wrong.

>>34548
thanks for this story. this is very sad and I wish you both the best.

>>34206
i guess what truly marked me was one of the many bad things mom said to me even though i cant remember any specific thing
but what i can remember best is having trash thrown at me and later on being made to apologize for it

Seeing a decapitated head. I cried on the bus ride to uni.

When I was in middle school, we went on a big family vacation, and apparently I took too long to get ready or something because my father screamed at me like he had never screamed before. He called went on about how much I was wasting his time and money he had spent on taking us somewhere nice and called me an ungrateful, entitled little bitch. I know that sounds mild compared to what some girls go through at the hands of their fathers, but I was a sheltered and sensitive only child who basically derived her self worth from doing well in school and making her parents happy, and it shattered my world. Not all at once, but the cracks started to become canyons later, when I started burying my emotions as best I could around my parents, or found it hard to believe my dad whenever he said he was proud of me, or with self-esteem issues I still struggle with in my 20s. I think he bottles up his emotions until they explode, like a lot of men with low emotional intelligence. I'm sure he regrets it, but frankly I don't really care.

>>47010
jesus christ, where do you live??

>>34206
ice tea is very nice wink

I was walking home from my first job when I was 16 and stopped on a street corner to take my jumper off and put it in my bag. These three aboriginal guys, stinking of glue, immediately surrounded me and took my bag, then my phone and wallet. When they realised I only had about $5, one of them just grabbed me by the hair and stuck his fingers down my throat before dragging me into an overgrown vacant block. They started stripping me as I started vomiting and choking on it. I was so panicked for air that I couldn't do anything but struggle to get the vomit past his fingers and out of my throat. Suddenly he pulls his fingers out and scratches me across the eye. I sat bolt upright to see a huge guy in a black hoodie proceed to physically lift the man off me and slam him head first into a pile of concrete chunks. He kicked another guy and sent him spilling out onto the road before just knocking out the third with a punch to the side of the head. He called an ambulance for me, gave me some water, looked after me and just kind of awkwardly looked around, then shuffled off while apologising as the flashing lights got closer. In the end he inflicted permanent spinal and skull injures on #1, a broken sternum and ribs on #2 and permanent brain damage on #3.

It was traumatic, and really wrecked me emotionally for years, but now I can think about it and discuss it without any discomfort.

>>47157
Oh anon abos are notorious for this type of thing kek.
Even when you recover from PTSD stuff it still afflicts us.
Hope your life is going better now.

>>47010
vives en ecatepec o cerca de el?

>>47228
vivo en el norte, amiga.

>>47157 damn what a hero

>>47280
Yo tambien. En Sonora. Ten cuidado nomas no hagas nada estupido nunca y jamas va a haber problemas.

>>47016
>>47148
It's more uncommon that you think but it can happen I guess. The only irl gore I have ever saw was in a transit accident in a highway, it was a dumb driver that got over confident and wanted to possibly overtake the front of the car he was behind and didnt see the bus in the other lane so he ended up crashing against the bus, that's it. His head was pulp thankfully his car was red so the blood spill was hard to see. But that was an accident and the driver's own fault. Seeing a legit crime is another thing…

>>47302
>Seeing a legit crime is another thing…
That's why it freaked me out so much - it was pretty obvious the man had been killed and his head dumped. The city where I live is violent and full of crime, but it tends to be somewhat peaceful in my neighbor. It was pretty shocking to leave my house and discover a decapitated head just a couple of meters(yards for the burgers)away from my house.

>>34206
Waiting at my school until 10PM when my mom could then pick me up. I was too afraid to take the bus with all my acne.

When I was 10 the factory my dad worked for realized they'd make more money closing and moving production to China. In the following 6 months we lost our house, my parents split, I got to be homeless for a minute with my mom living in our car, then I had to go into foster care. 6 months after that we were all back together with my dad working at a new factory on the other side of the country and everyone acting like none of it ever happened.

The only justice was that the Chinese factory realized they could just stick a different company logo on what they were already producing and sell it for half the price of the American company and they put them out of business in about 5 years.

These posts are all so sad I feel so bad for all of you, I don't think anything worse happened to me besides my family dog passing away when I was like 14 and being pretty poor.

>>34206
When i was in 2nd grade i used to have 2 guy friends among all the other girl friends i used to play with. One day after school they asked me if i wanted to play chess with them and we went to a nearby cafe where we played for a hour or so. Nothing happened with them, but after a few games my mom came in all angry and screaming. She grabbed me by my hair, slapped me and bashed my head against the table. A teacher had told her she saw me leaving with two guys and she had been searching for me since.

I don't know if i should blame her for it since she was worried about me, or if i should be angry about it since she was excessively violent.

>>64998
>She grabbed me by my hair, slapped me and bashed my head against the table. A teacher had told her she saw me leaving with two guys and she had been searching for me since.
How old were these two guy friends??

>I don't know if i should blame her for it since she was worried about me, or if i should be angry about it since she was excessively violent.
Blame the teacher AND your mother, but mostly the teacher because he or she probably made the situation worse by calling them guys instead of boys (I'm assuming they were the same age as you), your mother was obviously worried thinking you were kidnapped by some 20 or 30 year old guys, but she's still a mental basket case for doing that to you.

>>64999
One was 8, the other 9. I wat also 8 myself.

Actual trigger warning.
a ton of family dying, seeing my dogs back get broken, a French girl trying to drown me, two girls trying to get me to drink bleach and flea powder mixed together, getting sexually abused, getting raped, a terrorist failing to detonate.
Worse stuff happened post 20s. I have had horrendous luck growing up. Idk if this helps anyone but focusing on healing from trauma is super important and PLEASE stick with it and don’t give up, it really will get better.

>>65000
>8 and 9
Yeah, it's a big part your teacher's fault, they probably made your mom think some late teens or adult druggies were taking you to do crack or get fucking raped. That being said your mom is a fucking bitch for reacting that way upon seeing you safe and sound.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

>>65001
That's awful anon, you're a stronger person than me and it's good that you have a positive and "push through the hard shit" attitude on life. I hope your life is much better now and you get the happiness you deserve.

>>65001
MENA?

Terrorist attacks. Attacks in distant cities are common news but there was a time where terrorism was a huge problem even in safe cities like mine. There was even a suicide bomber in my school area (I heard the explosion but didn't see). Luckily it isn't insane like that anymore.

>>47015
I have much of the same experience as this anon though on a long-term dismissal basis rather than a shorter and direct outburst. My dad thought I was uppity because I didn't really care in a few of my classes in grade 7 so he perpetually yelled at me and any time I would speak up and he yelled longer and harder. I still can't express myself without feeling guilty of taking up space. I know for a fact he didn't do this with my younger brother which makes me question how much of it was genuine distaste for having a daughter.

>>64998
What the actual fuck was wrong with your mother

>>65002
Thanks, I try not to think about it often. It takes me back to that moment and I feel the fear and powerlessness despite being in my 20s now. Reading the other posts here kind of makes me feel pathetic for being upset over something like this but those feelings never went away.

>>65005
Holy shit, are you based in Israel by any chance?

>>65036
Nope, I'm in ME but not Israel. This was happening when ISIS was becoming a huge concern but since then it has calmed down

I was in foster care for awhile. It was fucking shitty

>Foster dad was a pastor, meaning up to 14 hour mandatory days at church
>"Dancing is a sin" "a wife is her husband's helpmate" kinda church
>Kept food locked in cabinets away from us
>Up to 9 foster kids in a 3 bedroom house on the weekends
>Girls in charge of 100% of chores
>Got punished for needing to go to the doctor
>Foster parents 450+lb grandson was prone to violence
>Once grabbed a pole and chased one of the boys down the street threatening to beat him to death
>Also slid love letters to my roommate under our door at night
>Finally removed when I broke down crying in court bc the neglect got to me

This thread makes me see how good I have it so I am somewhat embarrassed to have PTSD, I must just be fragile. Anyways it is mostly being bullied in elementary school. They threatened me with a lot of violence and I was afraid to go to school each day. The teachers didn't do anything about it so I had nowhere to turn. The kids would frame me for things and no one would ever take my side and I was punished for shit I didn't even do. And every time they talked to me it was a pretext for getting material to mock me with. Honestly to this day I can't believe people are being honest with me when they show kindness to me. They ruined my life

>>65346
I'm glad you got out, Anonette. Hopefully you ended up someplace better and more loving. I've always thought it was strange how some of the worst people become foster parents. Are there really no checks and balances?

>>65379

I'm sure it depends on where you are, but my foster parents always got a heads-up before the social workers came. Just enough time to remove the locks and pretend everything was fine. Even after my courtroom breakdown (I didn't have medications, vision correction, wasn't eating, etc) all I got for my trouble was being moved 200+ miles away from everything I knew to a town in the middle of nowhere.

Thankfully I'm in a much better place now, and I have a lovely little family I built myself.

>>65375
I don't think you're being fair to yourself when you say you're fragile. What you describe sounds like absolute hell, especially at such a young age. It's understandable that damaged your ability to trust people when they're kind to you. That's an insane level of manipulation to go through. Don't be embarrassed, you have nothing to be ashamed of

>>65379
>Hopefully you ended up someplace better
Poor innocent soul, foster care is a business. My creep moid math teacher was a foster parent of two girl my age. When he realized the money the government gives to foster parents was barely enough to break even, he send one of the sisters away. Somehow the government allowed it, and a girl lost her sister. Afterwards he realized he could not make enough of a profit and asked for her to be taken away.

>>65423

Unfortunately the only way to make money as a foster parent is to refuse to take care of your foster children. And (especially in more rural places) the more you complain, the worse it gets. A girl got sent away from my second foster home and she was placed several hundred miles away with a farm family that openly only had foster kids for cheap farm labor. They were homeschooled and spent all their free time doing farm work and they never got to leave the farm.

Unfortunately separating siblings is common. I only knew one pair of sisters who stayed together, and even then they were just in the same town, not the same foster house. My heart breaks for the sisters in your story, and I hope they were able to reunite as adults

>>34479
is it a bad sign that this made me laugh

mine feels silly, but i guess when my dad slammed his fist on me for spilling juice on him. he would yell at me a lot, and I remember he would throw things at me (probably only 3 times) but the only time he hit me/made me feel physical pain was when I was a kid and to get that as a 17 year old scared the crap out of me. I thought he was going to kill me I was so scared and angry. I then called CPS, and nothing really happened. I think the main reason why this traumatized me so much is when I realized how most kids are going through actual shit and here I am shaking and crying over my dad hitting me. I honestly dont know what to feel, if it was my fault or his. In the end I had to apologize, while my dad only said sorry when he was intoxicated or when he was very emotional which was rare. This all happened 6 years ago and I still cry about it because I feel so guilty and mad for endangering my family via CPS and for feeling so hurt over my dad berating all the time and calling me names and then hitting me. I am still working through my issues and I plan on getting better. I dont want to stay like this forever sorry for the vent I just started crying while typing this out and now all of these crappy feelings are flooding back dang

>>65375
>This thread makes me see how good I have it so I am somewhat embarrassed to have PTSD, I must just be fragile. Anyways it is mostly being bullied in elementary school. They threatened me with a lot of violence and I was afraid to go to school each day. The teachers didn't do anything about it so I had nowhere to turn. The kids would frame me for things and no one would ever take my side and I was punished for shit I didn't even do. And every time they talked to me it was a pretext for getting material to mock me with. Honestly to this day I can't believe people are being honest with me when they show kindness to me. They ruined my life
Reading this has made me do some reflection and I wonder if I have PTSD myself. I went through a similar bit of bullying as you did and I cannot take compliments or believe at first if someone is being honest or not when they're speaking to me. The fear I have of social situations is unreal and the way I deal with people is so rigid.

Got slapped and punched around and antagonized by my 30 year old “brother” for no reason at ages 16 and 17 he even tried crushing my skull in and threw his whole fat body on it and i started hiding from him… i think the antagonizing and throwing hurtful words at me stopped at 18 when my dad got him a job (i think the reason was because he invited me to draw on his pc and when he saw it he got triggered that a girl is better than him, even tho i think it was shitty from my current 21 year old perspective) then i sought refuge in my sister who was like 16 years older than me and she manipulated me and suddenly got ape shit crazy when i realized it and started the same cycle for 2 years banging on my door and calling me names slapping me around. It made me feel worthless for a long time and i just don’t trust anyone anymore. Of course this didn’t all suddenly happened at 16, there were little moments since i was a child leading up to all of it…

Getting bullied and verbally abused at home. I would get laughed at and called names at school, just to go home and get called "retarded" and "stupid" at home. It's no wonder then why now I continue to deeply question my intelligence, even after making the Honor Roll in my college three semesters in a row and majoring in something like Computer Science.

Having my best and basically only friend tell me that she didn't care about me anymore because of her mental disorders making her unable to feel empathy

>>67562
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
At least now you're past all those abusive people (hopefully) and I deeply hope you can recover from these experiences soon.

I'd hate if horrible people kept a hold on anyone forever

This is definitely not as heavy as some of the other responses but I would say my dad traumatized me early and often. He’s a very troubled man with a difficult past and he would lose his temper and go crazy on my sister and I at the drop of a hat.

Once, I went outside without shoes to throw something in the trash. He saw me and made me stand barefoot in the snow for 30 minutes. I was 10. Other times he wasn’t so creative; sometimes he would just lose it and start hitting me and screaming over nothing. My mother would then make me comfort him, as he sometimes would feel guilty afterwards.

>>67568

Thanks. I'm not exactly - I still speak with my mom because I have alot of emotional attacment to her (And she's one of the only people I have to talk to, since I still have almost no friends and don't know how to make any.) She's mellowed out, especially now that I keep more physical distance from her. If I ever had to move in with her again, she'd probably start constantly verbally abusing the shit out of me all over again though.

As for my bullies, no worries about that because I can barely remember most of their faces or even their names. And I'm a whole state and country away from most of them now, so I'll probably never even run the risk of running into them ever again. (Not going to lie, I have fantasized the scenario though, so that I can spit on them)

>>67588
>My mother would then make me comfort him, as he sometimes would feel guilty afterwards.
Ergh, that's just gross. I'm sorry anon. Do you find that this had an impact on your current self?

>>67605
Yes, it has impacted me a lot; I was diagnosed with bpd a couple of years ago and I think a lot of my fear/confusion about relationships stems from my bizarre childhood experiences with my dad. I don’t trust men especially, which might not be a bad thing, but I do wish I could form real trusting connections with others. Thank I you for asking though, how are you holding up?

Watching my mom kill my pet because she was mad at me (11)
Watching my dad set himself on fire (12)
Being pulled out of school so that I could just be my mom's emotional support maid, being isolated from the outside world (13)
Constant physical and mental abuse (12-now)
Getting tortured (17)

I have nothing inspiring to say about how it all gets better or how happy I am now. I briefly was the poster-child for a better life after trauma, but so many things fell back through when I was about 20. I hate people more than I can express in words because they are monsters who will do the most fucked up shit in the world the second you let them. I have no friends and I cannot make friends because the second they do something seedy I never speak to them again. I am at least in therapy now and in college and maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and I got an official diagnosis for PTSD which kind of helps.

>>67654
Seconding misanthropy. What kind of pet was it and what was the story

>be me, born into mentally ill, abusive and unstable family
>witness my dad beat all my siblings and mum
>gets molested by cousin at age of 5
>parents abandon me and younger sister in another
country for four years to be looked after by abusive auntie
>get groomed/molested in those 4 years
>auntie beat, tortured and bullied us. she would tie as up or stab us with forks
>gets physically hit in school by teachers bc shitty third world country
>move back to be homeless for a year
>start going to predominately school white school, is bullied nearly everyday for four years for ethnic features and being fat lol
>has witnessed every sibling suicide attempt and always supported brother during schizo breakdown
>both my cats been through traumatic experience with result of one of them dying

it doesnt end. i am legally homeless and have to reside with abusive family member. i just feel like ill never make it and find being alive not worth it. when does it get better.

>>67657
It was a gerbil. When I was that age I really loved gerbils so that was the main pet I usually had. The story was me and my mom got into some kind of argument. I don't even remember what it was over so it had to have been something insignificant. She then picked up my gerbil's cage and threw it as hard as she could. Salt (my gerbil) was laying on the ground and convulsing and blood was coming out of his mouth. I picked him up and ran outside and down the street. He died very slowly and was losing clumps of hair and blood kept coming out of his mouth and nostrils. He finally died 12 hours later in my hands. I don't think my mom ever apologized.

>>67665
>>67666
When You MOVE OUT And sever ties from these people things will get better. Just being ALONE is honestly better. A lot of people tend to kind of want something from you and suck you dry to get what they want. Its weird how people constantly do what other people expect them to, and never break away from a mould for the illusion that something good will come of it. Honestly Living by yourself is SO peaceful and so uncomplicated. You grow in a million ways when you have time to think in silence. You should really both try it. Even if it means taking a job for 10$ and having to get a room mate. Anything is better than that. If you're already living alone and don't enjoy it, its because you're listening to old lies you were forced to believe when you were young. For example that you need to be in a relationship or have children. Actually anything that complicates your life can make it unstable!

>>67739
It's easy to say but very hard to do. I'm not saying it's not true, just that it's really really hard
I left my parents when I was seventeen and it took years for me to finally go no contact and stop talking with anyone in my abusive family. It's truly amazing to finally be free, not having to worries and start healing yourself, but the journey is so hard.

And then after that, I see my sister, who again and again go talk to our parents, want to be the nice little girl and get burned, insulted, humiliated shamed, even compared to me because I'm the "good child" now when I was the bad one when we were kids! They even make up email, texts or phonecall to say to her that I said that, I do that and she does not, fucked up things like that. Yet, the only person I communicate with is my sister, very unfrequently and by email, because I know if I did more she would just crash and destroy what I builded up

These kind of abusive environments are just shitty situations, there's no winning, you just have to accept that it's fucked up and go away, leave. Being an voluntary orphan with no family is better than this.

>>67752
I agree it is. You have to figure out what you can do and you can't do. If you grew up with a lot of anxiety and it bombards you at you job and makes you screw up a lot of the first year, then you have to deal with that. If you have no friends then you have to deal with that. (My anxiety used to be HORRENDOUS it used to interfere with me at school and at my job. Even if I did well in school, I hated interacting with people)

But its like the only way to get revenge, is to do well. It doesn't matter how. I used to feel like I was clawing at everything in existence to get rid of my anxiety it was horrid. And therapists didn't really help me at all. The only thing that really took the edge off was zoloft which I really recommend. Also you know? The health insurance market place offers really great plans for people who don't have money. I pay 12$ a month now (It used to be 33$) for really awesome insurance that offers $1k max out of pocket for a year. It really saved me when I broke my ankle during an ice storm and had to have surgery, and when I needed zoloft. I don't know if this will be helpful of course, but just in case anyone needs it.. There it is

>>67739
Dead gerbil anon here (lol). I'm currently trying to get out on my own. I thankfully did not fall for the lie that I have to have a husband and children and ties with my family to be happy. I spend a lot of time alone and meditating. I have a fiance, but he's drunk 24/7 and is usually an overbearing nuisance, so I spend a lot of time away from him. I don't know if this could be considered related or not, but with trauma people always expect you to be this inspiration story and spread love and light. I tried for a long time to be that, but it just wasn't working and was making me really hate myself. People expect so much out of people who already have the short end of the stick and I don't know why. I'm in a phase of my life of a lot of acceptance work and really looking at my life for what it is NOW rather than what it could be one day. I'm looking inward rather than desperately looking outwards to fix myself through nurturing. Trauma is hard. It's made me introspective, but it hasn't made me some wonderful beacon of light for others like people tend to hope for.

>>67793
For me people never expect anything. Never communicate anything… never talk about anything… so I feel the opposite like I must escape the tendency to neglect myself and neglect order. Like at least if I'm thinking something positive I'm not a giant gaping rapidly deteriorating black hole.. if I think one negative thing .. I think it will be like a domino effect. My mind used to be so self destructive and I had no idea why. Then I fixed it through a lot of work. But who knows?

But I get how people expect way too damn much. They're never satisfied no matter what you do or with anything so you shouldn't care anyway.

I'm afraid of relationships with mmen also because I don't want to be emotionally reliant on one. It's probably stupid and irrational now but I became so careful about what I let into my life.. My minds like this intricately wound machine and I got it this way through a lot of work. I swear to fucking God if it ever blows apart again I'll murder. I'll end up in jail because I'll murder the guy that screws with my head again

>>67795
If your trauma stems around being forgotten about, then it could be helpful for you to be mindful of yourself and others.
A lot of mine stemmed from having to BE the order for a bunch of dysfunctional morons, so for me excessive concern with order and whether everything is good and happy just makes me go back to my old loops and patterns of blaming myself for the sun setting at night and birds shitting on people's cars (metaphorically). I too often feel like if one more big thing happens I'm going to snap. Abuse awoke something really dark in me when I was 14 or so, and it hasn't really ever gone away.

Serenity is absolutely blissful. It's the only thing that isn't a lie. I know what you mean, but I dont get half of what you're saying. I feel like I've had nothing but chaos around me, and that people are soul sucking and exhausting save for a tiny handful of people I like. on't really care about others or getting deeply involved with them because it's not ever gotten me anything but more stress. People are absolute hell. Honestly sticking to your own serenity is key or people will bulldoze it. In like any way they can.. It sounds like you were taken for a ride early. Like a massively pointless ride.

Not one experience but my mom and brother getting in angry screaming matches too many times to count. It started when I was around 12 and I thought there was something wrong with me because every time I'd cry to my mom and beg her to stop she would reassure me by telling me I was overreacting and it was none of my business. I feel so sorry for her because she couldn't stop my brothers outbursts(he's bipolar) and she was just doing what she could for both of us, but it really fucked me up. I was just a kid and I wanted a peaceful home to sleep at night but the yelling was so loud and pervasive and they wouldn't fucking stop, once it got to the point where I had a very visceral panic attack at 2 am while listening to their fighting get worse and worse and I started screaming at the top of my lungs, my brother ran to his room and my mom came and yelled at me that she had enough shit to deal with without me "crying like a fucking little baby". My friends didn't want to talk about it, I had no one to go to, no where else to stay. I couldn't even scream or cry about it because my feelings were an inconvenience to everyone else. I had to comfort my mom when she was sobbing from frustration so many times. It was such torture and even if it couldn't be avoided I'm now so fucking angry it happened, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, all the bottled up emotions caught up with me in my late teens and it derailed my entire life. My mom is sympathetic and I know she didn't mean to take out her anger on me, even if I resented her for it a bit. I still don't like to show my emotions until I get to a breaking point, and I always find myself being irrationally angry at people for showing too much emotion. I don't trust people and I don't want their problems. It's hard for me to connect with people.

probably attempting suicide in 4th grade and the fallout that ensued

I'm nowhere near some of the metal shit posted itt, but I think my mom is a narcissist or has heavy narcissistic tendencies at the very least. I spent my childhood arguing with her or listening to her arguing with my step dad, which I hated and truly damaged me. The constant fighting in the house was very fucked up, but I normalised it, it was just normal coexistence in my head. I didn't experience the bliss of living with a normal person who loved me in a healthy way until I got out of my mom's and went to live with a boyfriend of mine. We argued like 3 times in 5 years, I couldn't fucking believe it. Even now we remain friends.

I resent my mom for her shitty personality and I don't think I can ever be 100% nice and friendly to her because I'm literally fed up with her. Every tiny little manipulation, diva complex attitude or bad word from her and I'm instantly over the edge.

If you are living like I was, yelling and getting yelled at, getting judged, telling and getting told hurtful things just because you're angry and lash out, made feel like there's something wrong with you for being introverted/timid/whatever, or being babied into oblivion only for later getting criticized for being incompetent, I want you to be aware that that shit is NOT NORMAL and you shouldn't tolerate it.

Healthy people that love one another are kind and polite among themselves and refrain from telling each other gratuitous hurtful shit. Healthy people don't start crying and drawing attention because they didn't like your Christmas gift. Healthy people don't yell at you like crazy for trivial things. It doesn't matter if they live, that's no excuse.

>>67396
The fuck is wrong with your siblings? Are they autistic? Not that that’s an excuse but fuck…

>>65449
Oh, what you describe is very similar to me. Sorry for replying to you two months late. I think it would be worth it for you to talk to a therapist about it, these are things my therapist helped me discover about myself after years of not knowing why I just had such a wall between myself and others. The other thing about PTSD is it's not always like on TV where they have hallucinations and all that, if you find yourself in a situation where something reminds you of your trauma and suddenly you feel strongly scared or anxious then that could be a flashback.

>>65405
>I don't think you're being fair to yourself when you say you're fragile. What you describe sounds like absolute hell, especially at such a young age. It's understandable that damaged your ability to trust people when they're kind to you. That's an insane level of manipulation to go through. Don't be embarrassed, you have nothing to be ashamed of
Thank you for your kind words. Reading through this thread again I'm reminded to count my blessings. Thank you everyone for sharing.

My father tried to murder me and my mother when I was a toddler. There are other really traumatic experiences I had as a kid, but that's probably the worst because of how much it fucked up the rest of my life and was the catalyst for a lot of other traumatic experiences I've had since then.

My father being in and out of prison my entire childhood, it's left me so empty. A life spent on the run as a child has made me so paranoid, it's not right to be raised in that environment.
With that are the constant times I was kept up till 4-6am whilst my mother (and sometimes father if he wasnt in prison) would be partying downstairs. It would always end in screaming and/or violence, and I would be crying all night just wanting it to stop. I felt so sick all the time as I knew how the night would end.

>>70653
Even if that were true you wouldn't have remembered it lmao

Mine is a bit nuanced. I have an illness called misophonia that developed sometime in middle school. It's a neurophysiological disorder related to sound processing and basically, it causes me to have a fight/flight/freeze response to certain sounds. Hearing these sounds is scary, feels physically painful, and gives me urges to kill the person making the noise or run away. Even now, describing my illness sounds like a joke and I hate telling people about it. The sounds that trigger this response in me are related to chewing sounds, swallowing, etc.

I told my parents around age 13 and they refused to get me professional help because they didn't believe me. As a child with no guidance on my illness and no control over my situation, I was always afraid. Misophonia affects your thoughts, feelings, and physiology. It makes you believe that anyone who makes the trigger sound near you is out to get you. I didn't know any better and was afraid of my parents. To this day, I believe that my dad sometimes ate or drank near me to test me and see my reaction.

Through the years without a diagnosis and experiencing daily what I can only describe as mental torture, I became increasingly anxious and depressed. I was constantly on edge and exhausted. I isolated myself out of fear even though I was desperate for any kind of emotional support. I self harmed and started to consider suicide around age 16. I was truly alone in any effort to better my situation, and nothing helped.

That year (16), my parents got me a psychologist and I agreed to exposure therapy. This is one of the most difficult and painful ways to try to treat misophonia and generally isn't advised as it can traumatize you further. It didn't traumatize me, but all I really gained from those months of "therapy" was general info on my condition and a diagnosis which I used for accommodations at school.

Now that I've moved out, it's easier to deal with it day by day. I still sometimes grieve the child that went through these things.

Something that deeply bothers me is that everything I suffered was in my head and therefore not real. I have friends who suffered physical abuse; my heart aches for them and it makes me feel shitty for complaining about my experience. I was the cause of all my family problems and my own loneliness. I think my dad blamed me partially and sometimes expressed true anger toward me, and I blamed myself fully the whole time.

Thank you for reading. As you can tell from the length, I don't often talk about it and it feels nice to unload.

>>70667
I have misophonia too anon and I had similar experiences. In my middle school math class, for whatever fucking reason, a different student would literally sniffle every few seconds. I’m not exaggerating. Being in that classroom was just a constant trigger. I cringe because I would literally turn my head at the people who did it every time they sniffled like a weirdo. I couldn’t tolerate it and eventually started refusing to go to class. Holy shit why couldn’t they just blow their noses in a tissue and be done with the sniffling?
>To this day, I believe that my dad sometimes ate or drank near me to test me and see my reaction.
I still believe that my parents do this. It isn’t a delusion. Some people are assholes and genuinely think it’s entertaining to trigger you. My dad liked to eat food in front of me and my mom liked to talk with her mouth full in front of me.
>everything I suffered was in my head and therefore not real.
Would you tell a schizophrenic that their suffering “wasn’t real”?

>>70725
Thank you for replying. It feels good to be reminded that I'm not alone and some people truly understand and relate.

>I would literally turn my head
lol I always glared at people in class when they triggered me. I think you sometimes feel more in control when you're keeping an eye on them. And the sniffles thing, I think some people have a tic.

I had one class in high school where I sat next to a girl who drank from her water bottle every few minutes. I was too scared to do anything about it except secretly listen to music with ear buds and just not hear anything that was going on for most of the class. I think that this one class contributed greatly to my becoming suicidal. My life improved considerably when I started skipping.

Sorry about your parents. It's really hard to be understood when you have this illness, but parents have a responsibility to be nice to their kids and show them respect.

>Would you tell a schizophrenic that their suffering “wasn’t real”?
You're right. I think I have a habit of adopting what I believe to be other people's views on myself (which is basically "you seem fine to me") so that I can better navigate social interactions, but in reality, expressing my own perspective is much more important.

kidnapped from school lol

>>70816
Story?

"playing doctor" with a guy who babysitted me and this girl when we were visiting with my parents at her uncle's house,
i don't know who he was, i think it was a family friend or something, he did it while my parents were talking to said uncle downstairs, i was like 5-7 years old, i don't remember exactly
i repressed it for years and had a massive mental breakdown at 14 when i realized what happened, i don't rememeber what triggered it
i've never told my parents and never will, it would break their hearts to know that something like that happened right under their noses, it really fucked me up, even though i was lucky that it wasn't violent
i have a lot of survival guilt because many of my friends are also csa victims but have gone through much worse and here i am, comparing myself to them
oftentimes i wish more fucked up things had happened to me to justify why i'm so mentally ill now since i always feel like my trauma isn't traumatic enough and i'm exaggerating (i know it's a disgusting thing to wish for and i don't actually want it to happen, it's some weird cope ig)

Found out both my dad and order brother (who I’m extremely close with) are both p3d0s. Makes you re-evaluate everything. Makes me worry it’s genetic.

I wish I could make the school administrators who caused me so much childhood trauma fucking suffer. Fuck them.

my mom being severely depressed all my life fucked me up. we had a few years of normalcy (happy family, celebrated holidays, ate meals together, went on trips/outings, etc.) when I was still young and cute and useful to her. then I got older and started becoming my own person and it all went to shit. but as for specific things, in order

walking in on my mother letting my childhood dog lick her through her underwear. I was too young to understand exactly what was happening but even then i knew it was something wrong. as soon as she noticed i was standing there she pushed him off and acted like nothing happened

never having boundaries respected.
I used to kiss my parents on the lips when I was a little kid, then started kissing their cheeks when I got a bit older. my dad understood that this was just me growing up and tried to get my mother to understand, but she was personally hurt by it and would grab me and forcibly kiss me on the lips. I still recoil from her touch and have never felt comfort from her hugs since then.
she'd go through my things and say it was fine because she owned me.
she still baby talks me as an adult knowing I don't like it, it makes me feel like a bratty teenager but hearing her voice in that cadence instantly fills me with rage. it's just a reminder that she has never seen me as a human being, just a doll she can use as she pleases to make herself happy

being asked several times growing up if I wanted to die with her, my sister, and the dogs. this ties in to the next thing.

getting into a car accident with her and my sister. the actual crash wasn't bad and didn't bother me at the time. but later on she told me that it was intentional, and that she was trying to kill us because of how depressed she was. it gave me a bad fear of cars. looking back on it, I think that if it were an actual murder-suicide attempt the crash would have been much worse. my theory is that she was manipulating me (she didn't tell my sister this, only me, and I was always the more emotional one) into getting upset and telling my father about this. the idea is that he would realize how unhappy he made her and divorce her for my sake. the realization that it was most likely mind games has fucked me up even further

tldr anon has mommy issues

>>71091
Sorry to hear that anon. Hope you’ve managed to put some distance between you.

>>71092
thank you. unfortunately I still live with her

>>34206
Got molested and groomed daily between the ages of 3-5 by a neighbour who was also at the time my brothers close friend. I still live in the same house he raped me in, sometimes I wonder if that’s why I’m so dissociated and numb all the time? I never feel truely real. It feels like time is warped inside this house sometimes, I don’t know?
I miss my childhood rapist sometimes, he cared about me, he hugged me and kissed me and snuggled me. When he raped me and if I was in pain he would soothe me with cuddles, he was affectionate to me, but he also hurt me in many ways, so it’s hard. I’ve never wanted to live since then, everything is hard

>>71112
This sounds like PTSD anon. You should work on getting out of there. As for him being nice to you, that was grooming so that you would let him and not run away and tell someone.

>>71118
The housing market and rental prices where I live is out of this world, I’m in Canada and I live in one of the most expensive shittiest cities to exist. I don’t think there’s much hope for me, I can picture myself dying inside this house

I had drug addict parents, my mom worked and my dad was on heroin all the time. Lots of sex abuse and neglect. I was homeless and drug addled myself for awhile and a lot of bad shit happened there too. I'm finally getting myself in a better place but damn it was hell.

>>71112
My dad molested me at a similar age and it was v confusing because he wasn't a violent or sadistic pedo he was kind and loving towards me and treated me like a princess, he would always buy me stuff or take me places to get me to shut up but also violated me in the worst ways imaginable, i think it messed up my brain and gave me a really weird attitude to men and romantic relationships. You should probably get out of that house asap, sorry that happened to you, the fact it was your brother's good friend is even worse

My dad committing suicide when I was 7 years old

Sorry I know this is a dead thread but i need to vent, but my step dad sexually abused me, he never raped me, but i knew him half my life. I dont trust anything or anyone anymore. I told the police and no one believed me, i lost half my family until he got caught in a sting two years later.

A year later i was drugged with heroin and raped by another man. Then i got put in care because of it and i got groomed twice in care. I hate the world, I hate myself, I dont want to be perceived and i dont know what to do.

>>72156
I’m sorry to hear that, it’s sad and tragic the ways they groomed us. I really do miss my rapist, he treated me better than anyone I’ve ever known

okay i know nobody has posted here in the last week and idk if i’m supposed to sage or whatever because i just discovered that this site exists a few hours ago, but i feel like talking even if nobody reads this.

so, my dad overdosed when i was five and my sister had just turned one. i’m glad he’s dead now because he ruined my mother’s life. also he was a nazi. after he died i spent a year living with my mom and my sister. my mother became extremely depressed and psychotic. she would leave the house at night to go drink or take pills with random men. i didn’t even graduate kindergarten because she wouldn’t drive me to school. sometimes i would have to climb up onto the kitchen counter to get cereal so that my sister and i didn’t starve. she did some really scary and bizarre things that have impacted my ability to form attachments with others. after a year of this, my grandma got custody of us. i came home one day and the dogs were gone, started staying with random people like my teacher and some friends, and then moved to live with my grandma. i forget where my mom was when all this happened. it’s kinda just a blur, but at the same time, there’s parts of it i’ll never forget.

i feel bad for my mom because my dad was like ten years older than her when she gave birth to me at twenty years old. he abused her and got her hooked on hard drugs. but she still manipulated us for the rest of her life, even when she was in prison. i said some pretty horrible shit to her because she gave me a lot of trauma and i resented her for that. but six months ago, she hanged herself in one of the prison showers. i don’t know how to feel now. she suffered so much her entire life, and she made the lives of everyone around her miserable. but i was hoping that we could have at least been friends someday. maybe it’s for the best, but i feel so guilty for not keeping in touch with her.

>>74431
anoo i read this and i think 1) im sorry that you went through so much at such a young age and 2) im sorry to say that you staying in touch with her wouldn’t have changed much, if anything. as much as it seems like you blame your dad, it was ultimately your mom’s choice to remain in misery with him. a choice she continued to make again and again. you can’t make miserable people less miserable and nothing you did or didn’t do would have pulled her out of the pit.


my traumatic event isnt much compared to most here but when i was a teenager i made friends with a man online, you know how it goes, anyways i was in love with him but also saw him as kind of a father figure and i told him about everything in my life for the next 2 years. one night i told him that id had my first sexual encounter with a boy and he flipped the fuck out on me, calling me an evil whore, slut, etc. asking how could i do that to him if i loved him so much, meanwhile he was soliciting nudes from preteens. he blocked me on everything and it completely destroyed me for several months i cant even remember what the fuck i did in that time period i thought wed never talk again. all i remember is deciding to become an actual slut. it was like my best friend and older brother and first love all rejected me at the same time and im over it by now but ill never forget how raw and painful and alone i felt for a while

>>67666
>666
Numbers check out. What sort of sick fuck would sit there and stare at that for half a day? Even at 11 years old I'd know to put it out of its misery.

my father was pretty neglectful, so the internet mostly raised me
my mother was pretty much out of the picture after 2 years old, i visited her occasionally and it was meh.
my father's girlfriend who I lived with was an un-diagnosed narcissist, but bipolar disorder was used as an excuse for everything

i can think of a lot of situations that were repetitively shitty among these three that formed me into what i am today, but i have no extreme event that speaks above all others.

i will probably try and kill a lot of people from my past if im ever unfortunate enough to meet them again and they rub me the wrong way though

I've got a few that I'll rattle off
>got called "the ugliest girl in after school activity I was in"
>caught my crush kissing another girl
>got bullied mercilessly in front of a different crush on a daily basis, he never spoke up or cared
>in middle school some boys snuck up behind me at lunch and tried to shove chicken nuggets in my mouth
>got called fat ugly and unlovable on a daily basis for a year. Teachers never really gave a fuck and retaliation of any kind was actively punished
>girls would steal my shit from my locked in gym class
>"nice guy" creep moid wore me down until I agreed to date him in highschool, was a complete deviant and we broke up because he allegedly molested his sister. I hate him so much it's unreal.
>every year middle/high school did the thing around valentines day where you can anonymously send a rose to someone else. I was so hopeful every year but it never happened to me. This is one of the dumber things on the list but people are always surprised when they hear it.
And that's just school.
I had a shitty step-dad and two punk step brothers who would push me around for a while. My mom also thought it was a brilliant idea to raise me in the fucking woods with next to nobody so I was unsocialized and "that weird kid".

When I was 5 I was molested by my two cousins in like this old shed. Then that same summer I went to go jump up and down on my grandpa to wake him up in the morning (he was my best friend) turns out he was dead. Then at 8 those same cousins came to stay with us and after about 4 months of them getting drunk and flashing me and grabbing me and other stuff like that. I told my mom what happened and she believed me but said I needed to learn how to forgive. That was the year I first tried to kill myself.

don’t know if this belongs here but it was quite traumatic to me lol. It’s not about my trauma directly but when i was going through a traumatic period in my life as a teen (psychosis suddenly hit at 16, i was vulnerable so i started to get beaten in the home, lost a few family members etc) i had this friend who treated me like a personal lolcow. She would listen to me talk about these issues, try to convince me that my parents are good people and that i’m just imagining it even though i showed up with noticeable bruises that she could see and comment on from time to time. I was treated like i was crazy and once i saw my name in her phone called “pennywise” and i laughed it off because i didn’t wanna seem crazy. After my mental health cleared for a bit i gained the courage to ghost the cunt, and she still stalks and mimics my online movement to this day a couple of years later. I deleted all of my accounts but there’s still some important accounts she follows i won’t delete like spotify and she still checks it and acts accordingly.

uh either my dad threatening to beat me up so bad i end up in hospital and chasing me (he did actually beat me later on but the threatening was more terrifying i think) or my mom getting drunk, telling me how much she hated me before passing out on the floor

I'm always shocked when I hear about teenage minors (or even adults) getting spanked by their parents or school. Growing up in a sane household, you wouldn't think that was possible. Yet, it is mostly legal. How common is that? What sort of effects does it have?

>>79449
>got called "the ugliest girl in after school activity I was in"
>caught my crush kissing another girl
>every year middle/high school did the thing around valentines day where you can anonymously send a rose to someone else. I was so hopeful every year but it never happened to me. This is one of the dumber things on the list but people are always surprised when they hear it.
How are these traumatic? You sound soft. Those are just normal bad things.

My father asking me for a handjob when I was 4. My parents had just seperated for the first time and my mum had dropped me off at his place to paint. I still remember the pencils on the black desk and my tiny hand on his skin. This became a regular thing. My parents reconciled, moved back into a shared flat and had another kid. While my mum was pregnant, the abuse got worse: My father started molesting my friends. They told their parents and my mum kicked him out. I was 8 when they divorced. Mum took me out of dancing class, so the other kids affected wouldn't have to be around me anymore. Got diagnosed with autism later on, but I think it was the abuse that made me stop talking, being squeamish about bodily functions and overly tidy. My mum made me see my dad every other week until I was 13. I moved out and sued my parents as soon as I could. I'm doing better now.

I was a major lolcow to everyone in my life an was bullied by pretty much everyone. my brother and my cousin used to lock me for hours in my grandparents smoking room(the room they use primarily for smoking) because they didn't want me around them while they hung out. It would explain why i'm so retarded.

>>81123
people are fucking disgusting i stg. I don't think i even remember when i was 4. Im so sorry that happened to you.

>>81077
This type of stuff can hurt a teenager’s self esteem a lot. Must be why she considers those events “traumatic”.

trying again bc i was too stupid to figure it out the first time round

>abusive mom constantly invaded my privacy to the point where im paranoid to this day
>been taking care of her due to her disability since before i learned to read
>she dies in her sleep one night when i was 17 + in high school
>was talking to moid in his 20s, unaware i was being groomed lol bc all i wanted was to not be alone as i grieved
>his friends joked about him being a nonce, at the time i didnt know what this meant and stupidly asked
>he pressured me into doing things i didnt want to (kept asking even after i said no countless, COUNTLESS times)
2-in-1 combo

>>81123
I have friends from Christian families that had their fathers do similar.

How the fuck does this keep on happening?

>>81123
Im so sorry. I hope they rot

my mom trying to kill me and my brother several times, my dad threatening to harm us, and sexual assault by a male classmate. When mom died. Yep life sucks balls

being forced to lose my viriginity at 13 to someone much older than me

Basically post-puberty I started to slip into being a husk of my former cheery and kind childhood self. I lost a great deal of emotion and empathy, and the ability to love romantically. I barely felt like a person, but being aware of feeling broken didn't stop me from callously hurting those I cared about. It eventually brought my world crashing down, with little chance of fixing things with quarantine starting shortly afterwards.
I took that time to force myself to change for the better, begin atoning for my mistakes and get properly medicated even if navigating the medical and psychiatric system seemed almost hopeless sometimes.
And I think I've found my way onto the right path. A lot of amazing things have happened for me this year, I hold dear people who I care about and who care about me, and I'm so happy I brighten their lives as they do mine. But it's going to take a long time for me to fully forgive myself, and knowing I was capable of doing awful things still haunts me.

>>70667
Ah, apologies for how late I am but my situation is unfortunately strikingly similar to yours. I was diagnosed with misophonia a few years back.
It developed when I was 13, I assume due to my fathers work always involving phone calls. He would constantly have phone calls whenever he was home, and I guess it affected my psyche because of how much it began to affect me, which snowballed into having regular full on (intense) breakdowns. The specific pain came from how his voice sounds, some voices I really just can't cope with, whilst others I have no issue with, though depending on the amount of psychological strain put onto me even voices and sounds which would normally bug me less would be amplified to the max in stressful moments. Though the people around me never even cared to accomodate for me until I got to the point where I was crying and screaming on the daily from the amount of pain it gave me, something that took over a year (And honestly I would consider a form of child neglect even if the law might not).

At my most stressed and strained by misophonia time of my life age 14, the inexpressable pain I felt was at it's worst with no accomodation to help me. It truly did feel like a real invisible pain I felt, to the point where I considered whether the disorder I was experiencing was instead Hyperacusis (A disorder in where most sounds are amplified and are painful to experience) because it really was so bad that all sounds put me on edge and gave me a pain that felt like a mix of physical and psychological, but not a pain from any specific part of the body, making it a very difficult thing to explain to counsellors, teachers, medical professionals, etc. Most people just dont get it. Just like you, This made me consider suicide many a time, self harm, generally have a miserable existance.

This also carried into my school life, where there were classrooms I would enter and due to the voice of the teacher I would end up crying and shaking minutes into the lesson and have to be sent out. I can recall scratching my wrist with a compass both during lessons and after being sent out to calm myself down and give some form of minor catharsis for myself. Though it took an unreasonable amount of time to get everything in place, I eventually got out of all of those classes and my academic progress was finally able to at least stabilize to some extent, even if I never really had the capacity since then to do homework nor have anything above below average grades after what I went through.

I never eat with my family besides occasions like birthdays where I try to strain myself to sit through all of the chewing and gulping noise. On the usual occasion where I don't go out of my way to sit with my family I've been bombarded with guilting, particularly from my dad, who is very fond of making sure I'm aware of just how sad he is about me being standoffish to him, as if he wasnt the one to cause such a huge chunk of my suffering in the first place, and as if I have an expectancy from others to cater their feelings over the agony they cause me. I can't stand how ignorant it sounds every time they hold these strange standards above me or treat me as a burden or that I have to go out of my way to show my humanity by working harder to be less socially distanced from them. I don't want to do any of it.

I haven't reached my 20s yet, so I'm not able to move out yet, and despite how over I am with all of this after all of these years I'm still stuck here struggling with my father's phone calls and failing to cope with any of it. As a point of reference, just today I broke down crying again after a long day of trying to pretend that my father's hours apon hours of phone calls don't bring the physical strain apon me that they do. My mental health always heightens ten-fold whenever he goes on weeks - months long trips from home, so I'm not sure why he expects to recieve any affection from me if I can dearly avoid having to give it. Though, even as it improves for the short blissful moments I spend with peace, I do always feel a certain emptiness knowing that in the end, its all fleeting as he'll always come back again.

Though, hearing your words about moving out making your life easier after moving out really gives me some hope. I worry a lot about whether or not in this economy I'll even be able to find myself housing with neighbors or other external obstacles not loud enough to be a bother and as few roomates as I can manage unless theyre as quiet and withdrawn as I can be when I'm not being strained by everyday noise (at least every day for my current life).

>Something that deeply bothers me is that everything I suffered was in my head and therefore not real.
Anon, I know as misophonia is a far from understood disorder from the masses and is something so detached from the reality of others around you, you might find yourself putting yourself and your suffering down. But please know the pain you've been through is real pain, real wounds no matter how much of it only manifests within your mind. At the end of the day, whether your pain was internal or external, it was still traumatic for you, and that can't be detracted from. You deserve peace of mind just as much as anyone without this disorder does, please don't let any self centered assholes tell you otherwise.

Had to deal with somebody crying wolf about suicide
guy I hardly know (second/third time ever speaking on discord dm) decides to pull that stunt on me out of all his friends who have played games with him for years
it was so annoying, he actually said made him "feel awkward lol" for police showing up to his place

doesn't take responsibility for his actions about crying wolf about a serious act, doesn't care how it affects anybody else. his retard friends don't blame him at all and let him go scott free and I take the flak for having raising the alarms and grabbing their attention when I posted in the server about it then leaving after having to take on the unwanted, unwarranted stress. One even said it seemed like I was blaming them for not helping enough and leaving because of it? Had to tell the stupid bitch in detail how I dealt with a real suicide situation that went wrong because I didn't act and left again after stupidly apologizing to her because her feelings were hurt.


I want to go back, take back my apology and absolutely disrespect her and leave her in the dust and never return there again unless they make that guy apologize for crying wolf.

>>65429
I also laughed. Had a similar experience so maybe it’s a “haha how relatable”

>>34206

Mine's definitely not as bad as many of the other stories…I feel so bad for you all…

When I was 14 I had an internal hemorrhoid and it was taking a long time to clear up. I had to apply a cream internally but I really didn't like doing it so I would skip sometimes and my mom found out and was lecturing me about it when my dad comes in. They had been arguing earlier and he was pissed off. He walks out of the room, gets the cream, and comes back and tells me to take off my clothes. When I refused he physically pinned me to the floor and stripped me naked in front of my mom while I'm yelling and crying for him to stop. He then bends me over on the kitchen table and sticks like 3 or 4 fingers up my ass a bunch of times applying the cream. My ass hurt for a few days after way more from being basically fisted then it did from the hemorrhoids.

Never been sure what to make of the whole thing since it was for a medical reason but it was super invasive. Was pissed off at my Mom for standing there more than my Dad at the time. My Dad never did something like that before or after…Have never brought it up with them…

>>85159
I relate to this so much anon. I was so constipated once that one of my family members had to help me get an enema. This was after I went to the emergency room thinking I had appendicitis when really it was because I held in my crap too long. Back then I was a no life who was too busy playing minecraft to take care of myself- I couldn’t even pause the game to go relieve myself because I was that addicted. I was 15 at the time, right when you’re embarrassed about your body and things like that

Some groomer, meth addicted scrote beating my mom cos she dropped a bag of meth on the ground. I picked the crystals out of the carpet and gave them to him so he'd stop beating on her.

>>85159
Idk if my dad did that I wouldn't want to see him ever again.

>>85159
>since it was for a medical reason
Reminder: rape is a matter of control rather than sex. Forcefully fisting your teenage daughter is not "care" even if he used cream.
>>85203
>>85143
You both mean a cultural issue.

>>85243
The greater issue is a sex issue yes, considering men commit nearly all violent crime, it doesn't matter the race because its nearly almost always men.
But within the sex issue its also obviously a race issue, if one race commits more violent crime than another then it is a race issue, for the same reason it is also a sex issue, and I don't know why you thought pointing out one race being more violent than another supports your point of it not being a race issue.
Sure, the race issue is often used by moids to distract from the fact that overall its a sex issue, but there is still a race issue.

>>85191
I was exactly the same way…would play minecraft and fucking dragonfable nonstop. I was so constipated not only because I wouldn't get off but because I ate at the computer and would only eat the bread and leave the vegetables for the dog and my mom wouldn't know lol

>>85204
>>85206
yea its pretty horrible. My dad has been great in all other aspects of my life-emotional support, financial support-never done anything else remotely like that. I never thought about the whole thing for like 6 years until recently and idk whether to bring it up to get some catharsis or whatever just to let sleeping dogs lie

>>85242
I won't argue with you that it was completely inappropriate and had a definite control aspect but for additional context I had ended up in the hospital for a sore on my inner thigh that I had let fester the year earlier–in his mind it was probably either like deal with the hemorrhoid here or have the doctor do the same later on

Parents divorcing.
Grandfather violently throwing me against the couch in a drunken rage and looking at me murderously (twice), while my grandma just watched.
Brother assaulting me several times. Threw glass table that landed inches away from my face one time and has jumped on me several times, trying to strangle me once.

Dad looking me dead in the eyes, shaking me by the shoulders and saying "I'm going to kill that woman!" when I had told my dad about some of the verbal abuse I used to endure under my mom. When I was only about 13.

Brother flying into another rage and saying he's going to kill me and my mom, and then himself.

Various things I endured from living with my mother. Chasing me around the house in a rage as I would run away from her and lock myself in the bathroom. I also started using a portable door lock to keep her out of my room, since she would always come in several times a day to check on me. She started going apeshit and slamming herself against the door. Several times she body-slammed against it so hard she broke the lock. After that I tried a door jammer and she managed to break even through that.

Weird this is I carry (at least a semi-normal) relationship with my family now. It used to be unbelievably dysfunctional though.

>>85287

It's called "editing". Now gtfo.

>>85289

How the hell does it affect you when the original is deleted? Just stop refreshing the page schizo.

>>85290
holy shit im retarded it wasn't working like normal on my end–it showed even the same edits as duplicates. now its working. my apologies

>>85243
>>85247
>>85242
We're both (thrice?) right. It's womanhate first, then there is cultural tweaks (see Middle East). I say cultural because I'm European; American prefer to use the word racial, but the realities are somewhat the same.

>>85282
>in his mind
Try and stay in yours (a word of advice).
>>85286
Beware of the semi-normal. I maintained it for a long time after leaving; only now I realize no contact is a necessity, even if the violence has stopped a long time ago.

>>83514
Hey anon,
I think I massively understated how much better my life is now that I moved out. The more you hear a certain trigger (like your dad's voice) the more it will affect you, digging you into a deeper and deeper hole. Getting into a new situation with different sounds will help you a lot.

From my experience, the longer you go without seeing whatever family you've been living with, the more your scars will heal, and the time away from them will give you the strength to face them when you visit. I now live a 6 hour flight away from them and I actually enjoy seeing them occasionally for 1-2 weeks at a time.

I've also found that the older I am, the more they respect my needs, like always having music playing when we're in a car together.

Your fears about the future very much remind me of the ones I used to have. I consider it to be the "hopelessness" symptom of depression. You have to trust that no matter what, getting away from your current triggers will have a positive impact on your life.

Reading your post very much reminded me of how shitty life used to be. I used to be afraid to fall asleep because once I'm asleep, I can't prevent tomorrow from coming and having to go to school and deal with my home life.

Anyway, I'm rooting for you. Believe in your own power to fight for your happiness.

Personally, getting a diagnosis was extremely helpful because I could apply for my own accommodations for college board tests like the SATs. I also spent time finding a good college that I liked that was far away and making sure I fulfilled all their admission criteria. I've found that living in a small town with a lot of space to walk is a very good environment for me.

>>85314

Thanks nona. I'm low-contact by living away from home and rarely calling my dad. I also feel like >>67797 in that abuse awoke something dark in me. It's made me scream obsceneities back at my mother, that she would start screaming at me, that I didn't think I was capable of. (I'm usually a very outwardly unexpressive person. Although maybe that is also a result of the abuse.) It's contributed to making me very easily annoyed, disliking/resentful of, and avoidant of other people. I'm now pretty misanthropic as a result. I do get along decently with some people, but it still tends to feel like a performance and I am distrusting of their true intentions so I try to keep a distance. I have been hurt too many times by egotistic narcissism.

>>83514
I can relate so hard to this except the one making the phone calls that drag on for hours upon hours is my mother. She speaks in her native language and she always talks extremely loudly so it amplifies everything and makes my misophonia feel worse. I want to buy some noise-cancelling headphones to see if it’ll help (right now I just listen to music) but they’re too expensive. I hope when I move out I won’t have to deal with this anymore. When I’m alone in my home I feel relieved for a moment but it doesn’t last long since I know someone will inevitably come back along with their own brand of noise pollution (if that makes sense).

>>85159
That's so fucked up, especially that he just did it as an outlet for his anger towards someone else. Do you think it was inherently sexual in his mind or was he actually just generally mad and that was how it came out?

Probably a tie between realizing my older brother was sexually abused and I got to see it (I was too young to understand what was really going on) and the physycal abuse from my mom, who used to beat me really bad since I was child, sometimes I didn't go to school because I had visible bruises.

>>34206
TW: SA / rant / sorry I had to get this out
being sexually abused by my female cousin (who was 6 years older than me) from age 6 up to 11. I was prepubescent she wasn’t. it was confusing bc my mum had educated me on “bad men” because obviously men are more likely to commit SA. so i never knew that what she was doing was abuse due to her gender.
to add to the confusion, she wasn’t doing this to me because of any attraction, but mostly because her parents were so incredibly strict with her, she had no friends, no ability to experiment with boys and no life. she was a competitive dancer & her parents put so much pressure on her to win / train / etc. as I say, she has no life. so she would make me do things to her, she would try them on me first to “show me” what to do despite telling her I didn’t like it / to stop / etc. sometimes I wouldn’t say stop bc I knew that my refusal fo do something would go ignored. sometimes I actually wanted to do it, which is even more nuanced and complex - not because I liked the abuse (obviously) but because pleasing her and seeking her validation and more, became so important to me. bc she would make me feel so special. playing games w me. giving me her cool clothes, doing makeovers on me. sneaking me out cool places. treating me like a princess. if I didn’t comply which was only very rarely, it would be so bad. I would be snitched on. she would cause trouble for me. treat me so poorly and bully me. so my brain computed very quickly at a young age that I should just give in & so as she asks, to make life easier for myself. plus if I didn’t want to do it to her, she would find ways to make me participate by just gaslighting or manipulating (I mean it’s pretty easy to trick a 6 year old). & she would be moody with me the whole day as she knew I involuntarily consented. it felt better on her conscious (I guess) when I just gave her what she wanted w no questions asked. it became routine. I didn’t hate her for it. I still don’t. she thinks I’ve forgotten about & I’ve never known how to bring it up to her without causing a whole family meltdown. abuse is nuanced. it was like 90% of the time I had the most perfect older cousin / sister type role model who would take me shopping, play games, do makeovers etc - but 10% of the time I had to do these things that I knew were wrong, but she was tricking me into thinking they were normalised between cousins. she was older. she knew best. so I told myself that any negative instinctual feelings I was having, were miscalculated. doing that to yourself repeatedly, messes you up. it makes you distrust your own safety system. around age 12 I finally told my mum what was happening. she believed me. but surprise, the scrotes of the family (my dad and brother) didn’t. they said to my mum it couldn’t be abuse & it was just “experimenting” and if it was SA or rape, I wouldn’t have actively participated. I was devastated. I think that impact me just as much as the SA itself. 7 years later my brother asked me about it again, now that I can verbalise / understand it better, he seemed to get it. but he sat there saying “that’s so disgusting” & “eugh that makes me feel so so sick” and “I literally can’t even look at her again that’s so disgusting wtf” he just concentrated on how it made him feel & his own disgust. he didn’t even care about my feelings or the shame I still have, or the fact he had made me feel disbelieved for years & finally when he believes me, hardly even validates me in that moment. not that I need his validation now anyway but i could never be as cruel. this whole ordeal was so unique that I never felt connected to other child SA victims & I felt like I was never a real victim. & having my father take pics with her & still talk to her with so much friendliness & care; really makes me upset. because I know if it was a man, then he would’ve approached it differently but he’s a retard at the end of the day. I still talk to her from time to time on instagram. I don’t know why. I think its partially because I know she was young & would likely never abuse a child as an adult. my brain has separated her into 2 diff people. it messed me up for a long time. childhood SA can open victims up to further SA later in life due to mental health problems it can cause & not seeing appropriate red flags. I was SA’d twice later in life. I developed quiet bpd which may be related, not sure. & I also had (and still have) really horrific night terrors when I sleep alone without my mum or my bf or a friend with me. sometimes I’m lucid & im still shit scared around 2-3am because I feel like demons/ ghosts / or bad people are coming to get me. I still go around and check the doors in the house 3-4 times per night. idk why that is, it started around 6-7yrs old & I guess bc my little brain couldn’t understand the situation, the issues resurfaced in some other variation / way. I’ve been warded multiple times. self harmed a lot & had an ed. but I’ve been in intense therapy past few years & I passed my degree & im doing my masters & things are looking up for me. after seeing a regular clinical psychologist, my life significantly improved. I have better coping skills now. a good self care tool kit. ways to manage triggers etc. it does get better. sorry for the rant nonas, I’ve never spoken about this before so it feels cathartic. hope it’s ok to dump this here.

>>70667
I have this but not as severe, mine is specially with chewing & my mothers chewing is the worse it triggers me so much.

>>94739
>I still talk to her from time to time on instagram.
I am glad you are doing better in life and survived this abuse, but you should cut her out. You are assuming she would not abuse a child as an adult, but assumptions are dangerous, nona. Often, abusers start young and never stop. You did a good thing telling people about it, even if you weren't believed. Once she goes back to her old habits, they're going to realize they enabled a sick pervert.

tw for body horror/surgical stuff
I don't know if this counts as trauma, but I had multiple surgeries as a child to repair a hole in my spine/tethered spinal cord. When I think of myself, I view myself as normal in my head, but then I remember that rarely do people have to have 5 major surgeries before the age of 10. I was pulled out of school for weeks on end and had to undergo uncomfortable/painful stuff just to be put back into school and expected to act normal. But I fell behind on many of my classworks and was treated as stupid by many of the teachers. Also, I cannot use the bathroom. I have to plug into a machine at the end of the day/every night to drain everything in my stomach. One of the surgeries I got was to cut a hole into my stomach and have a tube inserted into my abdomen. So I have to live with a tube jammed close to my navel. When I was a kid, sometimes when I was on the playground, it would yank out and spill yellowish/red fluid all over the inside of my shirt. Like blood mixed with bile or something. I had to go back to the doctor to reinsert it. It just stays in my body and I'll get infections or die if I don't flush out at the end of every day. This has happened since I was a kid, so the reason I'm not sure it counts as a trauma is because I'm still living this life. I started to have to use the machine when I was about four. Before then, I didn't have control of my bodily functions due to my spinal cord problems and would just wet myself. One of my earliest memories of my dad is him screaming at me (I don't remember what he said because I must have been about four) because of the amount of times my preschool called him to pick me up for pissing myself as a kid. He was just screaming, and now that I know it wasn't even my fault, it hurts my feelings to think about. He has been a good dad overall, but it still haunts me I guess. Every time he raises his voice, I just get transported back to that time :( He used to yell at me about all my school work as well, but it didn't make me do any better and now as an adult, I just have anxiety. But I also missed out on a bunch of stuff… I couldn't have sleepovers for this reason or go to summer camps with my friends and couldn't explain why. I never even had a boyfriend and am still afraid to date because he will see me as a disgusting Frankenstein monster basically. I just had nobody to relate these problems to either because it's embarrassing to say out loud to where I will honestly cry.

>>34206
Interesting thread

I was dragged off into a mental hospital when I was 12 because I have aspergers and my parents didn't know how to deal with my sensory problems at the time. The staff had to pry me from the front door, and then I was restrained and carried off as I watched my parents walk out from the building. Then I was freaking out and they threw me in a square room and locked the door. It wasn't padded, it was just cladded in plywood because it was actually a temporary one while the actual hospital was being built. A shithole. The first night there was fucking awful, it was basically a prison. So anyways, some fat pedo looking cunt brought me in a room and wanted to weigh me and he asked me to take off all my clothes. I started to cry. Luckily he didn't make me strip and I kept my underwear and my top on

Also the rest of the children were fucking weird. Some of them seemed creepy, and some were retarded, and some were cheeky violent brats. When we were herded to our cells, we were locked in and every single night this asshole boy would hammer the wall from the next room chanting for I don't know, an hour or so before he would get tired and sleep


The staff were cunts too. I think they hated me. I didn't eat in there, and I didn't sleep much. I wanted to escape but all the windows were barred and the doors locked. They were always watching. All in all, just a terrible experience. -10/10 would not go again

Really, my entire childhood was traumatic and I was in constant flight or fight mode throughout. But the state I already was in when I went to that hospital really made it stand out. I was terrified, confused, isolated, angry, sad, agitated, stressed and just a a disorientating mix of every bad feeling you could think of. Just a mess

My cousin took me along to his friend's bonfire party when I was 16 or so and while there a mutual acquaintance tried to force me to take my top off. My cousin stepped in and once it escalated, I watched him nearly beat that man to death. He pummelled him senseless and when his flailing accidentally clipped my cousin in the balls, he literally picked the guy up and swung him head first into the concrete. The pervert suffered broken bones and a TBI that left him with neurological damage, ataxia and an IQ around 70. My cousin basically raised me, and from time to time would be the only adult in my life. I always knew him as an incredibly loving and gentle figure of stoic inner calm; so non-violent as to cringe away in shame if he so much as accidentally stepped on my foot. Watching him nearly murder someone with his bare hands, as people screamed and begged him to stop, really fucked me up. I went through many years after that doubting every character assessment of every single person I knew, always assuming the absolute worst and isolating myself because of it.

>>94747
It doesn't sound like your cousin acted out of character. Honestly, more men out to face consequences for harassing teenage girls. It's like they think they can get away with it and nobody will do anything. Sounds like he fucked around and found out.

You said your cousin was very loving and love can drive people to do insane shit. He saw that you were in trouble and just acted without thinking probably, but I understand the horror of having to see that in front of you. X2 trauma of being sexually assaulted and witnessing a near-murder. Sorry you had to see that in one night.

>>34206
My dad dying really quicky do to brain cancer.. id never wish that death on my worst enemies

>>34437
uhhhh how old was the friend

>>94741
thank you. it is a dangerous assumption to make, you’re right but for some reason my brain has split her into two people if that makes sense. I know for certain she made me do those things to her out of curiosity & bc she had no life & was inexperienced (wasn’t allowed to speak with any boys etc). now that she’s older, has a social life, distanced herself from the family & has had bfs - I don’t see why she would still continue to do it, but I shouldn’t make the assumption that she wouldn’t. I guess I’m just coping. I don’t know how to cut her off without my entire extended family making a huge deal. they are very Italian catholic; really involved in each others lives. If I cut her off they would want to know why, they would call or contact me; make it a big deal. I’m also worried that she would anticipate that I might finally expose her, so make countermoves against me or say things to my family or start trouble. she may find a way to ask me why I cut her off because it’s kinda random after talking with her normally for years & I honestly don’t know how to start that discussion. Something that I do find odd is that her boyfriend told my mum that the relationship between them has been “hard” as she has many ghosts from her past haunting her. He also just randomly left her like 3 months ago with no explanation (they were together for like 7 years), just out of the blue. It made me think that he had maybe discovered a part of her he didn’t like, I’m not sure. It’s not common knowledge in the family that she abused me, only my mum, dad & brother know. Some family members on my mums side; but none on my fathers side know (which is the side she’s on). I’m just scared of the chaos it may cause.

when i was 13 my mom was (and still is kek) an alcoholic. she woke up once after taking new meds and didnt know where she was or anything like that. she was throwing her phone, dropping plates, thought it was 1980, etc. i locked myself in my sisters room and called the police. it was like once they came she was… fine. it was so weird. and she remembered nothing that happened. i sobbed so hard and i just remember the paramedic staring at me cry in the driveway. once we got in, my mom screamed at me for "Calling the cops on her" and "ruining the career". i sobbed all night in my sisters room about how bad i hated myself and wanted to die. i had to go to my ninth grade orientation the next day.

also my mom used to have huge fights with her bfs who'd she'd move in after a month. they would get in huge arguments where id have to call the police (from around 6-12) and everyone would be waving guns around. then they'd get 'kicked out' and come back the next day and just start another fight. im the youngest in the family so every time she would try to make one of them be my 'stepdad' and they would try to convince me that it was my moms fault and not theirs every time they'd fight.

im still not sure if any of these are traumatic but i still cry about it. ive felt dramatic for years for being so upset about everything

I was molested by my neighbor's daughters when I was little. I didn't even know what were they doing to me, I was a little girl, they were almost teenagers. We were supposed to have girly sleepovers and they made me touch them as they did the same with me
I didn't knew how hard it would be to overcome this, I think it fucked me up in the brain because now I feel my sexuality is broken, especially because we were all girls. I just hate when people talks as if only men can be rapists and degenerates.

>>34437
Do you live in a greek myth? Sounds so horrible

>>34551
>>95897
Actually, things have improved since I posted that. My dad opened up to me about being betrayed and while our relationship is irreparably damaged, we've come to the understanding that he raised me, still loves me and I both love and idolise him. He can even give me a hug without cringing. My brothers have grown up and realised our mum is a horrible predator, not the victim in some kind of seduction scheme. My mum has spent these years constantly trying to worm her way back into our good graces, but every so often old arguments surface and we realise she's an unrepentant pedophile who'll never be punished legally.

My biological dad has a more active role in my life and I recently started going to his gigantic family functions as his daughter, which has been awkward but everyone's incredibly welcoming. His girlfriend is considering talking him into having kids and I've agreed to present a united front with her about overcoming his trauma and hesitancy to ever have another kid. My new great grandmother is offering me an interest-free, multi-hundred-thousand dollar loan I can pay back over decades which I can use to just buy my own house nearer to them.

>>95905
I’m glad anon, that all sounds terrible. You’re incredibly strong and i’m glad your dad is a good enough person to not take it out on you

>>95887
holy shit your life is fucking terrible

>>95887
Jesus Christ, where do you live?

>>95953
Paris

>>95961
I hope you are at least safe today and in trauma therapy

>>94739
I would say most 11 year olds are momitered and forbidden from "experimenting" sexually with other children. Sure its not uncommon for children to experiment, but lacking that experience is not something that drives a TWEEN to molest someone else. It was not ok, don't make excuses for her. Its like adult moids to prey on pubescent girls because they can not get women their own age, lacking ak experience isn't a reason to victimize someone like that.
Honestly it is more likely she was actually being molested herself. If her parents were being weird about her being around boys, maybe it was because she was being sexually abused by them herself and her dad oe whoever was possesive about it. I am sorry that happened to you. Children who are abused or have abused other children are likely to do it in adulthood because it is so normalized so keep an eye on her if she ever has custody of a child and bring up the abuse at signs of redflags.

>>70662
You don't know anything about child development clearly

>>95961
that explains a lot

>>34206
My bf says I have PTSD from things that went on in my house but tbh I don't think so, I know I used to but now they're just bad memories that leave a bad taste in my mouth.

The biggest thing is when I was 12 my mom, my dad, and me had a giant blowout which ended in my mom attacking my dad, my dad defending himself, but I thought my mom was in danger (and a lot of family tensions just blowing up, I just wanted to feel in power tbh and like I didn't automatically lose every fight with him because I was a 12 yo girl and he was a grown man that could beat my ass) so I stabbed him in the back causing his lung to collapse. I remember my brother was 7 years old and he chased me around with a baseball bat for stabbing our dad and I watched from the backyard my dad standing outside calling the cops to tell them he needed an ambulance, my mom did not want him to call one but he might have died if he didn't.

Everyone felt worse for me after that than my dad I think which makes me feel a little guilty. My aunts felt bad because I was only 12 and they knew my parents were violent at times, but what I did was a lot worse than anything they did to me. I don't think anyone pitied my dad as much as they did me. I moved out for a month and a half and went to a day program for kids with problems, then moved back in and we were required to do family therapy for a couple years.

I remember when I went back to school everyone knew I stabbed him because my house was on the news and kids gave me a lot of shit for it, I would get stressed when people mentioned stabbing in even unrelated contexts because I all I could think about was being ashamed of myself, like everyone was watching me and were thinking about it like I was, but I guess that idea is kinda self centered now that I think about it.

>>95965
Yeah I moved out 3 years ago, thanks for the concern

>>34206
Oh this will be fun cos I don't even know which is worse and I don't tell anyone anything.
>Dad almost killed mom with his car because she is a useless person and an alcoholic. Thought my siblings and I would be better off with her dead and him in prison. One of my first memories. I will never tell a soul outside of anonymous internet spaces.
>Mom punched me in the head between ages of 3-6 for crying. My eyesight and hearing never recovered on that side.mom manipulated me for years to try and forget, change the narrative but it's deeply ingrained I remember it perfectly.
>My only friend my pet was eaten by the neighbourhood dog because my mom is a retard and let it loose.
>My mom's friend tries to kill me by strangulation when I walk into school because I told the school about them doing cocaine. I was 9.
>My mom starts dating heroin addicts. They steal all her money we go hungry every day. She binge drinks and puts herself in life threatening situations every week.
>Retard mom gets terminal cancer and I am happy secretly. Live with Dad and new Stepmom finallyhappy.jpg
>Nah just kidding retard mom makes a full recovery thanks to medical science and free healthcare
>Stepmom and mom argue both of them abuse me to get back at each other and make my sister their golden child.
>Retard mom gets worse but now being forced to live back with her out of pity and become her full time carer on top of school and work (age 16)
>Meet my future rapist and on off abuser on 4chsn ignoring all the red flags cos I thing a moid will ~save me~ just like in my animes. Moid and I exchange letters every day. Pages of letters. I would obsessively refresh my email waiting for another.
>Started slacking on work and lost my job backtopoverty.png
>Ruin my grades
>My mother goes missing for days at a time and I stop caring
>Lean into moid for support which is a terrible idea
>Moid freaks out and ghosts me
>Go out with my friends for a day at the beach maybe the happiest day of my life cut short by abusive phone call from mom and moid yells at me over irc chat all night.
>Miss important exams and am constantly late because mom and moid running me around in circles and keeping me up all night
>Dad still doesn't understand why I am trying to help mom begs me to come home and eventually stops talking to me much cos it's too painful to acknowledge anything
>Moid takes my virginity and ghosts me but comes back over and over again breaking my heart once a week for 8 months. turns out he was dating another girl on 4chan the whole time. He is 18 I am 16 and the other girl is 21. I reach out to her (foolish and naïve) to let her know this man sucks but now I'm a "jilted ex". She and him start bulling me together along with a whole 4chan friend circle until I am 23. I decide enough is enough and fight back, get doxed and now a spectacle for strangers too. Psycho moid and his psycho girlfriend know he is having sex with me and stringing me along. Says he will break up with her and lovebombs me so that he can sexually assault me.
>Still in love and denial after the assault. Just try to find another moid to scare this one away. Other moid uses and abuses me much the same. 2nd moid is a wall hole puncher and a virgin at 21.
>Flunk out of school entirely and spend two years single to find myself
>End up talking to first moid again because I hate myself. Everything that can be taken from me is taken. Any personal information I give him he laughs about with his friends. I ultimately grow a backbone and cut him off but I never told a soul.
>No education gotta work
>Make my first real friends and one of them dies in an accident 1yr on.
>Work my way up thru the corporate ranks
>Out of nowhere abusive emails, calls and Facebook messages
>Have to leave work to care for my retard mom after a DV incident leaves her with brain damage. I feel like a psycho about it because she's been nicer.
>Got myself a man that doesn't browse 4chan and have a much more normal relationship but the assault never leaves my mind. Never feel safe about sex or consent.
>Non stop getting sick myself since 2019. Kind of relieved that nature will just take me out.
It's hard to even get upset about anything. Everything has always been shit. One good week feels like heaven. Everyday is a flashback but my affect is flat. Sometimes I joke and laugh about it all in the mirror. I'm actually a very happy person I think. It's been a tough life and I'll take it or leave it.

>>95981
I relate to the everyday is a flashback thing, i’m pretty sure you’re a highly creative and peaceful person. These are the ones that get shit all the time

How can i know if i've gone through CSA? My friend indicated to me that it might have happened to me, and i want to know for sure, but at the same time i feel like i'm totally blowing things out of proportion, and it would be horrible to claim that i went through CSA if i really hadn't.

>>96451
You'd have to be more specific. What experience did you have that you think was sexual abuse?

My aunt paid a bunch of men to come to my house and beat me senselessly, this happened after my parents abandoned me in a third world shithole. Not to mention that while I was there I was also subjected to FGM and I was forced to attend a bordering school where I endured extreme physical abuse.

All of this happened before I even turned 14, I was only there for three years and that experience ruined to me such a point that I still can’t fully shake it almost a decade later.

>>96461
>My aunt paid a bunch of men to come to my house and beat me senselessly
But why?

>>96462
They thought I was possessed because I was depressed, any sensible person would know that it makes sense for a child to be depressed after their parents abandoned them in a foreign country.

>>96461
Is this an east african and/or muslim country? Mine left me for an extra month on a trip to their home country without telling me with my sadistic grandmother and it was one of the worst, most defining experiences of my life. I used to think I was overreacting (I didnt experience FGM but other things happened and the country was experiencing terrorism in the area where I was left). I was 13.

>>96480
Yeah, you’re spot on with your guess when it comes to the location. It’s so sickening how common this shit is, I hope more government officials intervene because these parents are throwing away their parental obligations onto complete strangers who don’t seem to have much regard for the child’s well-being.
People tried to gaslight me aswell, they tried to downplay how much of a negative impact this crap had on my psyche and would tell me I had no reason to be depressed. Cutting those people out of my life and just focusing on my mental well-being is why I’m in a better place today.

>>96496
Really? You just had to go there huh? I don’t get people who feel the need to use someones trauma as a way to champion their political talking points. I actually work as a software engineer and positively contribute to my country which isn’t in Europe FYI, not sure why you act like I’m sort of menace because I’m not white. The reason they took me there was actually because they wanted me to become a better Muslim, it didn’t work because I’m an atheist now! Oh well

>>96497
Don't bother engaging with an anon who didn't read your post and jumped straight to racism. FGM/those boarding schools are abuse and it's vastly different than visiting their home and having gratitude. Sorry again about what you went through.

God damn I'm so sheltered. Why the hell's my brain all fucked then? Reading all your stories make me feel better about my situation (and infinitely more shitty for being a sad sack of depressed flesh for literally NO FUCKING REASON)

>>96496
>Imagine the worst thing that can happen to you is being forced to live with people of your own race.
Its more about how unsafe and unstable those countries are, if a white majority were to be torn apart by wars, rape, corrupted governments that starve and neglect as well as whole dictatorships literally waging war on its own people the effects of all of this will show on the people’s attitude. Europeans were burning witches and throwing shit and cats out of their windows once upon a time. I know your type, you think being racist makes you sound so smart. Moids rotted your brain and sold you a lie

>>95966

I had something only slightly similar to me happen as >>94739, but nowhere near as bad and I had never thought of myself as not consenting, because my perverted 10-13 year old brain thought it was enjoying it. There was a girl that was the daugher of some family friends who I was playing with, while they were staying over at our house at the time. At one point she wanted us to pretend we were strippers or something. Being so young, I didn't even know what that was at the time but she would start dancing and go down on me. It felt good and I asked her to keep doing it, but after awhile she got moody and didn't want to anymore. It never escalated (Wasn't any kind of full-blown molestation) and I didn't pressure her back either, but with your reply, it does disturb me to think whether or not the girl that did that to me could have been getting molested herself. She had to have learnt that from somewhere. She was at least 3 or 4 years older than me, if I remember correctly.

There was another time that I've also blocked out quite a bit from my memory and that I will take with me to my grave, because I feel it is the one of the most humiliating and stupid things I've been roped into but I've long suspected if it's not been something CSA-ish either since I was a (naive and stupid) minor. I was on a field trip with my class and sharing a room with some "friends" (Quotes because they weren't really. They were fake, manipulative and talked alot of shit about me. I just tagged along with them because everyone else in my class treated me even worse.) The boys were all staying in different rooms and there was a rumor that they were watching porn in theirs. One of these "friends" then suggested we all pretend to act as if we're in some lesbian porno. We literally took all our clothes off, dry humped eachother and made shitty fake moans. It was the stupidest shit ever but I came across some CSA criteria online and quite literally ticked off almost every single box for it. It was very disturbing, which lead me to think whether or not the first experience and/or this one didn't affect me without realizing.

To be honest I don't want to consider either one CSA, because it was just "pretend sex" and I wasn't feeling raped/molested at all while doing it. I've thought it was just kids doing stupid shit and being weird. I do remember sharing the second experience with a girl I liked and she had said she had done the same thing with her friends (Is "pretend lesbian sex" a thing alot of girls do with eachother then? wtf) Other that, no one else because it's peak embarrassing for me.

>>96507
The way I see it, if you were and still are okay with something, it's nothing to worry about.
I've been CSA'd technically but still cherish the memories even though the law says the person who did it to me must go to jail. Am I traumatized? No. Therefore it wasn't abuse.

>>96508

I guess, because even now as an adult I just see it as having messed around. Like how kids do the "Show me yours and I'll show you mine" shit. Nothing to go all #MeToo over, that's for sure.

>Am I traumatized? No. Therefore it wasn't abuse.

Some people can unconsciously experience abuse and not even realize it until someone points it out to them, though. Even if it's without serious trauma, it's important to identify so you keep it from happening to other people.

>>96507
Don't blame yourself, you weren't stupid or perverted. You wouldn't have placed yourself in those situations, it was all someone else pushed you to do. Those girls too were either victims of abuse themselves, or got those ideas from watching porn. Neither of those things should have happened to you or to those girls.

>>96543

Thank you, I don't. (Although I'd be lying if it doesn't make me feel at least somewhat slutty for having done things like that. I'm a virgin but these are the kinds of things that made me feel like I'm not as virginal as I would have been.)

>Those girls too were either victims of abuse themselves, or got those ideas from watching porn.

One of them, who was who first suggested it, I wouldn't have been surprised if she was closeted bi/lesbian and it was her way to expirement.

>Neither of those things should have happened to you or to those girls.

It was hilariously awkward and weird. I don't really care if they did it but I probably shouldn't have. Especially considering they had talked shit and were spreading lies about me and my family (Like that my mom was having sex with the hotel manager of where we were staying). They could have taken pictures of me while we were doing what were doing and used it to bully me more. Terrifying thought.

>>96498
Thank you, I’m doing way better now.

>>34206
my mum finding out my dad was cheating when i was 6. He left the house for two weeks and i was left with my baby sister while she pretty much stayed in her room all day sobbing. The neighbor would bring us to school and my grandmas would feed us but the long nights of sitting on her door's room hearing the faint cries were the worst.

>>94786
My parents are stable non-drinkers who have been married their entire lives and are super financially responsible and hard working. Why is it that every single guy I've dated came from a background like yours? Is this kind of trauma just super common amongst white people?

>>95981
yep - never date a guy who browses 4chan. I dated one for 6 years, we bought a house together, we were engaged, and then he dumped and ghosted me after revealing he was a secret alcoholic. I'm dating one who barely knows what 4chan is and thinks it's just where weird alt-righters go and he's so much more emotionally stable and sane.

>>98839
I tried dating a 4chan guy too. He completely tore down my self esteem and I considered offing myself because of it. It was terrible.

>>98839
i feel like I hear you tell this story a lot

got ntr'd
to this day, i think the only way i could hold a relationship, is if i make someone feel like utter shit, breaking their trust on the other person
sometimes i make advances on men that are with someone else just to make the other person suffer, it sadly feels exciting

>>98975
Thing is, you'll always be suffering. It might feel good home wrecking in the moment. Though, most likely, those wives/gfs of the men you are cheating with will move on and be happy but you'll continue to be miserable. I hope you get help

>>98975

… what kind of cognitive dissonance do u have to reason this? there is no need, you like the thrill and are taking pleasure out of hurting the spouse. i disagree that the wives/gfs will move on and be happy. stop whoring, you'll inevitably dig yourself in a hole you wont be able to climb out of

Shit, where to start? I had a lot of trauma but people have always insisted I have an easy life because I'm unable to take basic care of myself or do most basic tasks, but I think I have a few ideas. Saged because it's long.
>Showing signs of GID since I was 3 and forced to be hyper feminine because tomboy = lesbian and it was very clear it wasn't being a tomboy that was happening, but them becoming in denial of my already failing mental health
>My grandmother forcing me to pee outside as a young kid/toddler and hiding me in almost one room for all of my early years so her MLM dealer didn't know there was a child in the house. Because of this, I wasn't potty trained until I was 5
>Moving at 3, my grandma gave me a bowlcut before doing so, so kids were already terrible to me
>Getting molested at 6~8 by a 12 year old boy who was also getting hurt and thought it was a sign of platonic affection, was later diagnosed with bipolar and childhood schizophrenia, and sent to a child delinquent boot camp/school abuse program in Utah
>My grandma sending my sister home with an inchworm infested boquet of flowers. Them shaking without wind or A/C combined with the bugs going ever made me develop severe OCD at age 8, ripping & washing my skin off and having full on panic attacks near plant life. I was diagnosed with autism the same day.
>Precocious Puberty, GID quickly becomes severe
>Trying to self harm due to GID and OCD, either by attempting to cut or rip off my breasts or washing my hands until they bled, and attacking other children in violent manners due to them being "too loud," getting medicated due to this.
>Getting groomed into having a BBW/WG fetish by significantly older men on Deviantart due to my interest in learning to draw various body types and yearning to make my breasts look smaller and my vagina/vulva unviewable by any and all means, them getting CP out of me via manipulation and threats of violence against my family and I, and my family blaming me for it.
>Getting a GID diagnosis at 16, then promptly losing my home of 14 years and possible access to HRT to treat my severe GID two months later, at 17
>My grandmother forcing me to stay in one room when we moved back for 1 and a half years, forbidding me from eating, developing BED as a result, and getting kicked out for not being OSA
>got sexually harassed because the meth addict BIL mom & I were forced to live with learned I never learned how to masturbate and he demanded I rub a plug against my clit/underwear, locking the car doors and watching me to "make sure" I did it.
>Going 7 months without any form of medical due to moving states, getting rushed to the ER with a severe UTI
>Going through several doctors, all being cruel and not understanding me once mom, my younger sister, and I got everything set up. I'm turning 20 next month and no HRT or even non-troon support for my GID because every doctor nearby refuses to treat or tolerate trannies, TIF or otherwise, and due to this I relapsed into self harm in 2022
I think if the flower situation never happened I'd be mostly normal and able to take basic care of myself beyond that of an 8-year old.

>>98978
spending too much time on imageboards has completely destroyed my moral compass. there were so many times i have been naive and altruistic, and it just didn't pay off in the end, I was used like nothing. the people who damaged DON'T EVEN KNOW what they've done.
to this day, i believe doing things properly won't lead to anything, and if i am someone horrible, maybe things will go for the better.
not having sane friends to understand things as they are makes it much worse
what is the point in being kind and innocent if almost everything showed me that it's just gonna get shat on

so many horrible people out there, narcissistic pieces of shit, that get off scot free

it just pisses me off so much, all I wanted was to have a nice relationship with someone who I could care for and it's all gone.
i can't trust anyone anymore, someone please come to my house and stab me, make me bleed out, i have to get out of these thoughts but, i'll never be able to fix myself

:spoiler:my dad used to rape me when i was a toddler and bring me to pedophile sex parties with other kids and men. he dosed me with the drugs that anesthesiologists use to make you forget surgery.:spoiler:
didn't find out until delving into court documents later in my life, but I had what I later learned were flashbacks whenever I tried to have sex with a boyfriend as well as telltale signs during childhood. Struggled for a long time with self harm, codependency, identity issues, and alcoholism; but I'm sober now and have a career and a place of my own. It gets better, i guess, but it takes effort and meaningful work.

>>98988
>people have always insisted I have an easy life

They always say that to relieve the burden on themselves. By they I mean insecure men and their never ending hydra of flying baboons

>>99379
Well done lass. Keep going

>>34206
I want to gave a lil bit of context, I hope it isn't that much of a text wall. Also hi, I'm new here.
I grew in a psychological unstable household, both of my parents never resolved some stuff they got in the past and they were really wacky when raising me. Mostly my father that was always invalidating any illusions or asking why I didn't do shit perfectly, my mother rarely speak out in those moments. Took me years to understand that I'm not that stupid or retarded to do things like he used to make me feel.
When they got separated and therapy was kinda working on me, I went to a school trip to another state where we went to spend time to the coast because of elementary graduation. I remember we went to a waterpark, I was pretty marginalized by my classmates because I didn't fit their clique because I wasn't 13 yet and I used to dress tomboyish so I used to try the very same things they did for trying to get their sympathy.
When they started to go up a water slide I followed them. Everybody could leave the small but deep pool by themselfs, I was the only one that couldn't and almost died that day because one of the teachers there thought I was joking when I was struggling to leave the pool. I don't remember if someone hugged me or comfort me afterwards, kids are kids kind of mindset during those times.
I think this was the most horrible that could ever happened to me, even I blocked it out of my mind for decades and when I was trying another therapist during 2022 and she asked me to do an auto biography the memories came back.
Discovering this memory made me realized a lot of struggles I have in my mind, never affected me in a neurological level but made me difficult to build trust in others and kept friends until my adulthood.

when i was 7, my older brother molested me.
i told my dad about it. he believes brother over me.
i try to tell my other brothers, none of them believe me either.

now, years later, my older brother is now a "leftist" whos "pansexual" and says acab and all that shit. he acts like he's a totally reformed person…
so why the fuck didn't i get an apology?

>>104575
Male feminist, Acab, and far left men are snakes hiding in the grass. They may have even tricked themselves into thinking they actually believe in these things but when push comes to shove they are far more predatory than the average male.

Also he might think hes redeemed himself by doing other shit. Its from a strange psychological phenomena where people who think they do good feel justified in doing evil because of their "good actions".

Its like how you would justify eating icecream after a salad.

Except with these guys its their predatory and degenerate behaviour balanced out by their #blm #feminist work.

being bullied by my much older half sister when I was a toddler/small child. It never stopped but it affected me a lot
My first partner being an out of control possessive stalker and law enforcements refusal to help
My mother being needy and BPD
My fathers explosive rage issues

>>104623
how is he an abusive stalker

>my dad's explosive anger, my mom repeatedly saying to just laugh it off
>going to a strict french catholic school because my parents are immigrants and didn't know what they were doing (I'm an anglophone jew) and being singled out by other kids/teachers for being a freak
>being groomed by a boy in my grade in high school who sexually abused me routinely and then got me into drugs, took my virginity on acid against my will in my own bed while all my "friends" were home
>going from the gifted smart kid to a druggie burnout and facing the shame that comes with that
>getting pregnant at 15, having an abortion and getting an IUD inserted at the same time whilst hiding it from my parents
>being in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic for 2 years
>attempting suicide at least twenty times before turning 20
>At 19, slitting my own throat to commit suicide, only to get a ct scan for it and find out I had thyroid cancer
>getting a total thyroidectomy and depending on medication, having an extrememly sensitive body that will betray me and make me suicidal and fat if I don't treat it properly.

I'm 21 now and genuinely happy at this point in my life though.

>>34206
My dad would yell at me and was always extremely unreasonable when he was angry. One time I felt brave and yelled back, I looked into his eyes and felt the most visceral fear of my life, his anger shot to 10,000% and he attacked me, it was a raw emotional experience, something that made me feel inhuman, it was just pure adrenaline and awareness of my body, I think it might have been shock. I got picked up by and stayed with my sister for about 4 days. Afterwards, her husband drove me back home and I felt shaken up. I hate my parents so so so much, even the sound of their footsteps make me feel homicidal rage

(Background explanation: my family owns place in a small island in the countryside, no electricity or anything modern it's very old house)

I was 8 years old alone with my father. He was drinking lot of alcohol. He hurt himself everywhere for example fall off from balcony (not that high but still) and went to cut trees despite all this and the tree hit his shoulder. Everywhere in the house was blood. But there was obviously no way for me to tell for anyone.

I don't remember fully what happened that day or night but I have image of these situations. What I remember is that my grandmother come there and she made me clean the indoors and I cried during it.

>>107111
Jesus fucking christ. Do you have a job? Leave, move away and if he is really the evil person you think he is, send him the nastiest ugliest letter you can summon and put him in a grave with words after you've dissapeared.

My big sister used to lock me in a dark closet. When I would cry begging to be let out, she would laugh at me. She also used to hit me.

my mother tried to kill me or almost let me die several times before the age of 17, I couldn't drive, I lost most of my friends and I was ultimately stuck with someone who I was terrified of. She was mentally unwell and deeply narcisstic with several medical incidents. abused me and my sibling and even called the cops on us to try and intimidate us, and the cops refused to believe us, even when our father backed and attested to our mothers behavior. she also brought dangerous men around us after divorcing my dad… criminals, stalkers, scammers. we're lucky none of those men molested us but I had a very bad time in addtn to being an immature teen. my father was a workaholic and didn't intervene enough or try for custody which he seems to regret now

I got away from her after an unfortunate combined hospitalization for sickness and mental breakdown but it spiraled out into me fearing and having abusive relationships and being quite dysfunctional as an adult. I tried to reconcile w her and cut her off recently after doing so many times, I don't see it as worth it. she lovebmbs and then will snap randomly and frequently in ways that leave you in tatters

if she were more conniving would have poisoned her kids like the mom in sharp objects. deep down all I really wanted was for her to get better, but I can't handle it. the last time I cut her off she harassed people in my life including my own therapist and fucking wonders why her daughter in her mid late 20s can't handle a relationship and is a stunted woman child, I never should've talked to her after I was 18. my mistake ig

bump

>>34206
I was sexually assoulted by most of my guy friends. We still hang out like nothing ever happened.

I don’t know how some women can do that. I’m still afraid of seeing my high school friend who assaulted me.

just wanna vent a bit..
i experienced a shitty childhood and pretty shit formative years as well.
starting with the loss of my father at age 8. following this, my mother struggled with alcoholism, resulting in me being cared for by my aunt who moved in to provide stability. despite this support, i routinely cried hours on end and would spam call my mom while she was out drinking and would stay up most nights waiting for her to come home so i could sleep in her bed w her. i continued to sleep with my mother until age 11. my academic life was fucked.
my mother briefly remarried during my middle school years to a rando who she apparently lied to ab her financial situation, and so did he. so when they realized that they were both broke and living a lie they got divorced. they were married for 5 months lmao.
i then moved in w my 30 something year old sister and her husband for my last year or so of middle school bc my moms drinking was bad again and my aunt didn't live at our place anymore.
at age 15, we relocated to a new city due to another remarriage, placing me in a small Christian school were i was judged harshly by the boys & girls most of which had attended since pre-k. my step dad did not like me and still doesn't. he's the fox news type of white man.

i had really bad jealousy issues in elementary and high school.
i was also really gay towards girls in elementary and honestly quite creepy now that i look back. i had my first kiss in elementary and then got a boyfriend at 12. obv i had no basis of what a healthy or even functioning relationship looked like so i was pretty awful to him. during this time i would sneak out with a friend of mine whose mother didn't really give a shit ab what she did. so we'd smoke weed and walk the streets until around 3 am. this was ages 12-14.

i graduated hs and immediately moved back in w my sister and her husband and their son who was about 6 years old at this point. this living arrangement only lasted about 3 months bc i found a camera in the bathroom i used that my sisters husband put in there without me knowing.. feels worse when i've known him since i was 9 years old. and he did this right when i turned 18 lmao.

then i was living in my boyfriends dorm secretly. after like 6 months of that we got an apartment and had an awful codependent relationship and ended after i found a massive amount loli, blacked porn, and cuckhold shit on his phone…


also ever since the bathroom cam situation w my brother in law, my sister nd him have had a weird relationship (no shit) and she fucks other guys and goes out a lot and it makes me feel bad. i know its not my fault but UUUGFEHFBEHJ idfk. i know its not my fault at all. i just feel bad for my nephew.
so uh yeah hehehe i hate my stupid life but its fine idk

>>113937
DUDE my mom did the exact same thing when I was the same age. It was the summer before 6th grade, my brothers birthday, and me and my mom got in a fight. I dont remember why. I do remember it escalated into a physical thing, she was slamming me against the wall and I hit my head and I was trying to fight back calling her mentally ill etc. Anyway she was a fat woman and sat on my head with my face down in the couch so I couldnt breathe. I think afterward I ran out of the house crying and my dad picked me up on the side of the road on his way home from work.

my older brother dying in my arms because of me

>>114426
oh my god, I am so sorry nona. How did that happen, if I may ask?

My father physically and emotionally abused my mother. And I guess me too, to an extent.

One night he was uber drunk, when my mom asked him to help out, he pushed her down and twisted her ankles in opposite directions.

He frequently flicked beer bottle caps at her head. One time he did it while my friend was over.

When I was much younger, he was drunk and smashed my tricycle right in front of me.

He's a narcassist but still very insecure about himself. He would take it out on me by poking my belly and saying "what's that?" because I was slightly chubby as a kid. Nothing near his beer belly though.

>>114865
That's what being a narcissist is. It's a front because deep down they are terribly insecure. That's the point of it.

>>114473
im not this anon but this happened to me also and its because of drugs

Probably being molested for two years, I'm lucky enough to have a family that believes me for the most part. But the hardest part of it all was the trial, having to be on the stand for almost 4 hours in front of my entire family including my young siblings, a room full of strangers, and the man himself. When his lawyer cross-examined me he made comments about how he "didn't want to be too vulgar" and would censor words but I was forced to go into detail about what happened and describe exactly what happened over the span of the two years. My own grandmother testified against me and blatantly lied to our extended family about what happened (the man was her husband) and couldn't even remember what year it happened. I still have family reach out to me to guilt-trip me for not talking to my grandmother after having to sit through her calling my mother such horrible names simply for sticking up for me. The trail ended almost two years ago but I still get flashbacks, I still see him glaring at me while I testify and seeing the horrified look on my mom and dads face when I described it all. The worst part is sometimes I still feel guilty, like if I didn't tell anyone then maybe it would've just stopped and I wouldn't have had to go through the 9 year trial. I would not wish what I went through on anyone and sometimes I make myself sick thinking about when I will have to inevitably protect my future children from experiencing the same things.

>>114877
Sorry, I'm retarded.

>>114885
I'm proud of you, nona and I'm sure that what you'll pass on to your children won't be trauma but your strength and empathy.

Not nearly as bad as some other's experiences but…
1. Decades ago when I was <5 years old, Christmas break - I woke up to the sounds of D attacking Mom, trying to push her down stairs. Despite Mom phoning for help, no one arrived (small town, D was friends with someone on p force, moid solidarity)
2. Kindergarten, everyone was assigned hooks to hang up clothes/backpacks. Someone took mine, I was in a hurry, so I put my stuff on the next hook. End of class, moid who's hook I took (lol) raged at me, strangling me, wouldnt stop. Teacher was distracted talking to someone else, no one in my family did anything about it. Said moid is now an award-winning nurse. Im still scared to go out alone in case a guy attacks me and have no life, probably because of stuff like this and 1.
3. High school, sorting out family photos. Mom casually laughs and says older brother trashed my room/crib, when he found out the new sibling he had was a sister, not a brother like he hoped. Between that and Mom telling me grandpa/Mom's dad "joked" that brother and I are "mutts" for being half-south Italian (not full NW European heritage like his side of the family), it feels like Im an abomination that shouldve never been born. I feel like all my ancestors hate me because Im only "half" of their heritage. Unwelcome from the start, unwelcomed by my own brother. Many years later, my highly introverted self was stupid enough to try Facebook, and brother panicked/didnt want me to add him since he'd have to introduce me to his friends (I dont post anything outlandish or embarrassing, I hardly post anything, even Mom didnt know why he reacted that way). Feels like he tells everyone hes an only child.

probably my mom framing me domestic violence charges after slicing her own hand and calling the police to get me out of the house in my teens. she dropped the charges but i hate that my mugshot is so easily accessible and on the internet forever. i hate my mom and i hate my dad for willingly getting cucked by this woman and giving her access to his retirement funds and savings that were meant for us. i don’t talk to either of them and i’ve built my own little family since then

best friend shot himself, posted note on facebook, i called him mom and got no answer, his younger brother was out, i rushed over and saw him dead. screamed at his older brother who was home until i could only cough and gag. his dad killed himself 3 months later same spot