I know this will be another verbose reply, so I apologise in advance, but I just want to know what someone outside my own mind thinks, I want to hear someone say something
and to hear some advice.
the relationship is over, it was over as soon as it started, never officialized, I think he preferred it that way.
He controlled everything so much, I just wanted a friend, I still want a friend. He used to almost be my friend, between his mood swings and his hostility, flipping out, throwing things, breaking my stuff.
But it was all I had, between him and my parents.
I held on because he was literally my only friend. But I think that's over too.
I shouldn't say it out loud, but he cornered me when I was sad and upset and almost panicking, and he told me my boyfriend would never really love me, that he never had loved me, that he'd just end up cheating on me like everyone else. That if I thought he wouldn't I was delusional.
He knows how my anxiety works, he knows what a drop of poison in my ear would do, he's watched my mother do it to wind me up and destroy my self confidence. He's done it to me himself, telling me I was ugly, that I was a boring nerd who could never fit in with pretty girls.
And then he said I needed to break up with my boyfriend. And when I hung up on him he killed my houseplant.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't say it all out loud like this, but I'm so upset. Is he right? Should I trust my boyfriend? Am I just being delusional?
I just want to hear someone else say something, provide some clarity, some words, some advice, something that comes from outside my own mind, something outside of my own anxiety.
And he fucking KNEW saying that would cause this. He's done similar so many times. I've given up on so many opportunities because he pulled shit like this. This, or throwing a tantrum when this attempt failed.
I'm sorry, but I just need to hear something from outside of my own mind, my thoughts are whirling so badly tonight.