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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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Difficult Room-mates, Feels plus Advice Anonymous 37804

Has anyone lived with or currently live with someone, a room-mate, a friend, a relative, that they didn't get along with or that was mean to them?

Feels, I guess, plus advice?
How did you survive? (Did you?) What advice do you have? What would you do different? What do you suggest others do?

Anonymous 37805

>>37804
>Difficult Room-mates
Leave. they probably stole your shit

Anonymous 37806

>>37805
Thank you at least for assuming my shit has value (It doesn't, no one but me would be interested in my lame interests).

I try to keep track of all my things though, at least the ones I value, but I think it's the intangible things that are most problematic?

That and food. My food does disappear. Like as if rodents ate it sneakily in the night.

Anonymous 37807

Put laxatives in your food and stuff.

Anonymous 37812

>>37807
You're funny.

I would, but the laxatives would probably only cheer him up. (In that case, I should possibly be lacing his food with laxatives, it might make him less of a tightass shitwad)

Sabotaging the food is a good idea though, thank you. What else would you do?

Anonymous 37813

>>37805
Sorry for double-reply, but I'm galactically incapable of conversing like a sane human.

Leaving isn't really an easy option for personal reasons, health reasons, financial reasons. Plus I don't really have anywhere else to go. (Or nowhere that I can guarantee for sure)

Anonymous 37816

>>37812
I saw a girl who would do the laxative thing and just tamper with everything the roomate would steal. She would also steal her detergent, so she put bleach in it so all the clothes would be ruined.
I would also just keep all my shit in my room. Buy a mini fridge and keep my food there. Put locks in cabinets, drawers, etc if I can't keep the stuff in my room.

Anonymous 37855

>>37804

I let a childhood friend of mine move in with me and my female friends and it was a terrible mistake. He was a complete drug-addicted neet who stole our food, lied to us, was ungrateful and ignorant of all our kind gestures, and eventually snuck into my room and stole from me.I had been away for a holiday when I realised what he'd done and was determined to get it back. I was a mess of anxiety before confronting him because I'm not very confrontational and didnt have any solid proof but it was so so so worth it. This guy was a great liar and manipulator and getting to tell him he's a piece of shit in person will be one of the most satisfying memories

>arrive with a male accomplice (just in case)

>start aggressively, he was still asleep/refusing to open so I banged and yelled through the door including some empty threats of breaking it down
>caught offguard, he denies
>leave the confrontation calm, but still firm that you do not believe him
>go and gather yourself, let him go and start doing something else
>come to him again in a caring, concerned tone. Imply that you're having second thoughts that it was him
>"I know you're having a hard time… I know you've been stealing food but I never mentioned it because I know you need it! I dont care about the little bit of weed you stole I just want you to be okay!"
>He lets his guard down, plays into the "woe is me, I would never steal, I just WISH there was some way I could prove to you!"
>"Well, would you let me check in your bedroom for (stolen items) ugh, I don't wannna have to do that, I'm sorry I just, it'd put me at ease"
>at this point he's backed himself into a corner with his own lies
>hesitate for a moment, act like you wont go through with it, then do it.
>find the stolen shit and curse him out for being a pathetic bitch who needs to get his life together
>tell him to get the fuck out your house

I searched his room for like 5 seconds before I found the shit he stole. He'd constantly lie to my face with no shame because he'd been getting away with it his whole life. Turns out his mum kicked him out for stealing too, and he'd stolen a bank card that was mistakenly sent to our address. Men like him are victims of thier own egos sometimes so you can use it against them.

Anonymous 37865

oh boy do i have stories. and yes, i swear i am NOT the problem. on my own i'm extremely clean, quiet, and never cause trouble. swear it.
>childhood, dad was fucking around with this literal crack whore bitch who was a mean old cunt to me all the time
>dad knew she bullied me but didn't mention it because he valued drug addict used up pussy more than his own child
>eventually grew enough that by 14 I could intimidate her and get her to leave me alone
>pinned her against a wall, screamed at her, and threatened to throw her down the stairs
>was still passive aggressive but never got in my face again

>college, rented a room in a house for a summer

>crazy bitch, single mom on welfare with a bf
>she was fat and lazy, let the dog shit on the floor, let the tv raise the kid, just sat on the couch all day
>would tell me i couldn't come through the living room (the only exit door) at certain times, told me i couldn't use the wifi downstairs (had to deal with slow crap connection upstairs), made me clean the bathtub the second day i was living there because it was clogged and she blamed me
>my room was in the attic…in summer. she didn't want me to run the a/c and would scream and rant if i turned it on. it got to literally 110 F in there. i brought a friend once and he was dying as soon as we walked up
>all the furniture was shoddy and broken
>(why was i renting it? i was out of state with a broken phone when i had to arrange it, she was the only one who would rent me a room sight unseen by email alone)
>was just trying to focus on my summer course, but no
>she thought her bf liked me so she decided to be a catty bitch to me, would bitch at me over stupid shit every time she saw me
>escalated, she got in a screaming argument with me over something stupid (she wanted me to dry out the sink with a paper towel after i washed a dish or whatever…yes, dry the sink. same crazy bitch who put lysol on the floor, but let a dog shit inside daily.)
>i saw her toddler watching us and wanted to stop the argument so he wouldn't see, because he was starting to imitate us, then she screams, "don't glare at my fucking kid!" and gets even more aggressive
>threatened to throw all my shit on the lawn the next time i left
>snapped, called the police and did an emergency moveout under their supervision
>her bf showed up and she screamed at him too and he left
>blackmailed her to get my fucking money back for the month (she was cheating welfare, unreported income)
actually reminds me, i should drop a tip to the IRS about that cunt. because I am still angry.

Anonymous 37867

>>37865
>also college, got a house share with some randoms
>one is a scrote
>the scrote is dirty like you wouldn't believe, lives in filth and stinks
>he essentially takes over the downstairs toilet because it's so dirty from his use that no one else will use it
>constantly being loud as shit at night, blasting music until 3am or until one of us forces him to shut up
>alcoholic, always drunk, actually fails out of all his courses due to it
>was an incel because he was a creep and girls wouldn't talk to him, told me he hadn't had sex in 3 years, his life was booze, cigs, and shitty EDM
>gets drunk while cooking, i wake up at 2 am to the fire alarm and smoke everywhere, horrible stench, he's dead asleep through it all
>i have to get his pan of burnt shit and toss it out the back door onto the pavement, then try to kick him awake
>happens multiple times
>he leaves pans of food out for days at a time until it's moldy and rancid, he still eats it
>i come downstairs once, turn on kitchen light
>entire kitchen floor is maggots, a living carpet of maggots
>not kidding (posted on /ck/ before about it)
>imagine you look at the floor and it's wall to wall solid maggots, tens of thousands of maggots
>the maggots start to flee into vents and crevices, try to get someone to help me but no one will wake up
>have to pick up all the maggots by myself with paper towels, dry heave several times
>found flies in house for months afterwards
>would try to sexually harass me. if i walked past he would try to grab me
>pulled me onto his lap a few times
>tried to finger me or touch my boobs, commented on seeing my panties in the laundry, or saying he heard me masturbating the other night
>if he pushed the line too far i would beat him up. if he took me from behind i elbowed him just below the ribcage, from the front i would smack him, smack his arm away, twist his wrist, or kick him in the nuts (that one was fun. unfortunately not even kidding)
>had to threaten him with a knife a few times as a last resort. he'd crawl back to his own room after that
>he would try to get out of paying his share of bills, me and other housemates had to rough him up to get the money, threatened to take his collateral (a watch we took from him) and sell it to cover his share of the bills
fuck i sound like a thug. i dont know why my life is like this. anyway finally i graduated and got out of there. that fucking bastard. he'd down an entire 12 pack by himself in one night, and would constantly try to bum booze off us or get us to sell him some (he was at the point going to the store was beyond him). he also had a DUI and had to bike like 20 miles to the classroom for the mandatory course. i dont think he completed it. idk what happened after i left, but he failed all of his courses and probably got kicked out of school.

i was in charge of cleaning the house before moveout (everyone else was busy) and somehow that bastard got oil from his cooking on the CEILING. just random shit like ketchup on the ceiling and upper cabinets, everywhere, he exploded a ketchup bottle once and never bothered cleaning it. just a walking disaster.

Anonymous 37868

I read everything in this thread lol

Anonymous 37869

>>37867
Disgusting I'm glad you don't have to live there anymore, what a waste of human life

Anonymous 37870

>>37867
>other college housing, 6 girls including myself
>had one girl accuse me of stealing her tampons (wtf), would constantly get in my face and try to accuse me of stupid shit
>i dont' think i ever said 2 words to her, can't even recall her name, but she had it out for me
>she found someone ELSE'S dirty dishes in the sink (sat there a few days), and brought them and set them in front of MY door, without even asking me or anything
>i never leave dirty dishes, ever, so she had no reason to think that, other than she hated me
>lost my shit, took the pots and everything and threw them at her door
>many of them just were loud all the time, imagine having a class at 8 AM and these pieces of crap want to stay up until 3 am carrying on, every single night
>got in more than a few arguments. despite having written rules on my side, no one enforced them or wanted to help me
>they would steal my food constantly and not even apologize or ask me, everything was dirty and chaotic and no accountability, since they decided they didn't like me because i wasn't buddy buddy with them and just wanted to be left alone, i usually got blamed for anything that occurred
>another time everyone else left for spring break or whatever, i didn't go because no money for that shit since my daddy isn't wealthy, they had left all their dirty dishes in the sink that i would have to look at and smell for all of break
>took their shit and smashed it all against a wall, threw it all outside
>one of them left an alarm clock going off inside her room, after several hours i got a RM to come supervise the alarm's removal so no one would accuse me of stealing their shit
>they liked to leave passive aggressive notes everywhere
>went grocery shopping, bought bananas, next morning i go down and they're all gone
>leave a note of my own saying "don't steal my fucking bananas you cunt" on the table
>they scream and cry and get the RM invovled, i steel eyes and they dont do shit to me despite all 5 doing crocodile tears, and even though they were theifs they got away with it all
>they didn't even have food worth stealing, all they ate was unhealthy junk
>they all had gold plated cafeteria plans and i had to subsist on potatoes eggs and rice, cooking all my own meals
>probably because i always had to cook for myself (since poor) they had carte blanche to blame anything wrong with the kitchen on me, so one girl would leave a filthy mess and say i did it, everyone else would believe her
>that probably accounts for the kitchen related incidents
as far as retaliation advice there really isn't much to tell you. i've done petty things. i spat in the iced tea of my dad's gf and wiped some fun liquids on her possessions. it's fun but doesnt really solve anything. physical intimidation seems to be the best method from my experience. someone will say i sound like a bitch and i swear, i've lived in apartments and my landlords LOVE me, i'm quiet and clean and never break the rules, always pay on time, never bother anyone. but when people think they can fuck with you, they do. it's like i'm a magnet for shitbags to try and abuse, so i had to learn to stand up for myself, which usually involves being civil and upstanding until they start trouble, and then responding firmly and swiftly in kind that they will not be able to push me around. in my experience the police, landlords, and legal system are all utterly useless. i tried to get the landlord to kick that scrote out and he gave me long winded excuses as to why he couldn't, even though it was literally sexual harassment, ultimately never did anything about it. hence why we got so rough with the poor stupid bastard. now, all that is behind me. i have no roommates and can live in peace. i've lived in apartments for 3 years and not a single time has anyone had any qualm about me. my apartment is spotlessly clean and i've never been in any kind of trouble with anyone. roommates are just hell on earth.

Anonymous 37871

>>37855
big brain tactics there. i never trust drug addicts. i had relatives take in a family friend of theirs who was an addict, because they were taken in by a sob story. then the druggie does nothing but steal from them, leave a mess. would accumulate dirty dishes in their room (the dishes of my relative) until the rest of the house had nothing to eat off of. bugs everywhere. eventually had to kick them out when they stole too much cash/items to tolerate.
>>37869
i refuse to ever have a roommate ever again. i'd sooner live in a van.
>>37870
also had another roommate at a different place. we had nothing in common but were civil and calm with each other, and neither of us stole or left a mess or ditched bills. just for proof that it really isn't me who is the problem. the biggest argument i ever got in with her, i wanted to put up a trump sign and she got offended, so i removed it from the living room and put it in my personal room instead. resolved, just a few calm words and a polite request, that's all it takes. i wish more people were decent and civil.

upon relfection, i think a 1 on 1 arrangement where things are equal is better than a situation where there are like 6 people in one place and things get chaotic, or where your roommate is also the homeowner and they have carte blanche to do whatever they want to you. power balance is important. if you're going to rent a shared place, follow equality principles. much better time. if you are in a situation where someone can screw with you, they probably will.

Anonymous 37873

I was bullied by a weirdo flatmate in college.

>Suggested we move into together only the second time I ever saw her even though both times were really brief.

>I had just broken up with my bf and stupidly agreed.
>Bit weird, she got scared when she cooked chicken and it turned white (like had never seen a cooked chicken before, wtf?).
>Kept tv remote in a sealed plastic bag.
>Muslim but regularly loudly hooked up with guys.
>Talked way too much and got pissy if I didn't immediately open my door anytime she knocked.
>One time in the kitchen she wanted to brag about some exchange she was going on.
>Didn't care and just went "oh" and tried to ignore her.
>Few days later went out with some friends and forgot my phone.
>She went through my room then called the police and my parents saying she thought I had committed suicide or something because I didn't care about her exchange trip and had left my phone(?).
>Put up a jokey note saying that I wasn't dead and she threw it away then lied about doing it (I asked everyone about it) and got upset when I pointed out it was her.
>Avoided her after that.
>Sent me a long hateful text message out of nowhere saying I acted like a "queen" and then called me a "sociopath" when I repeatedly asked her to just delete my number.
>Confronted her about it and she started shouting at me.
>Covered my ears and left and she screamed that I was "such a child".
>Began to have loud phone conversations slagging me off knowing I could hear her.
>Tried to drag me saying I was studying "only chemistry".
>Put a note under my door apologising saying she had "never really" had something like this before.
>Had told me she had to move there because her cousin couldn't stand her.
>Ignored the note and her for the rest of rest of the year.
>Accidentally viewed her LinkedIn profile with the private off a while ago and she sent me a friend request.
>Deleted my account.

I swear she was BPD or something. Half the time seemed desperate to be my friend, the other half couldn't stand my guts.

Anonymous 37874

>>37873
Forgot the time I went out with for pizza with her:

>Drinks alcohol even though Muslim.

>Decides she wants sun dried tomatoes on her pizza.
>Waitress tells her they don't do that.
>Makes her check with the chef.
>Chef says they will burn if put on the pizza.
>Flatmate says she wants it anyway.
>Pizza arrives.
>Flatmate calls over waitress to complain it tastes burnt.
>Gets upset when the waitress won't take it off the bill.
>Asks to see the manager.
>Manager takes it off the bill.

Never seen anyone treat staff so badly. She claimed she used to work in her family's restaurant as a waitress as well.

Anonymous 37875

I'm really lucky that my roommate is my friend from highschool and we never have any problems but I remembered a bizarre story my friend told me:
They live in a dormitory (it's cheap but you have to win a spot) and his roommate doesn't even go to college in the city the dormitory is in. He goes to college in another city but he lives here for tutoring. Instead of going to college to actually learn for free he pays to stay in another city to pay even more for tutoring. He's a third year student but still hasn't passed courses from first year. (I know it's not really horrible like your stories, I'm just bitter because that loser somehow got a spot at the dormitory and I didn't kek)

Anonymous 37884

>>37873
idk where people find the energy to be so crazy

Anonymous 38050

>>37874
>>37873
Remembered her giving me a birthday present:

>Went home for the weekend to celebrate with friends from hometown

>Roommate makes a big show of giving me a present when I return
>It's a coin purse from the shop she works at (50% discount for employees) and a plastic novelty key.
>Looks like she spent a total of £2.
>Tells me "I got you this since you won't be getting anything from anyone else".
>Ignores the reason that the other flatmates don't like me because of her talking about me behind my back.

I would have preferred nothing over a cheap pity present.

Anonymous 38062

It's not terrible, it's just bad. She doesn't clean, she just leaves her shit everywhere. Also we don't really connect, she's just into consuming video games and Youtube all day every day, I prefer to play music or read some old books. I'm in a bad mood all the time because of it.

The plus side is that it's motivating me to finish my degree. It should take nine more months or so and then I have my masters. First day I have a real job I'm moving out.

Anonymous 38063

>>38050
Lol rekt because true

Anonymous 38064

>First day I have a real job I'm moving out

Lol good luck with that

Anonymous 38069

>>38063
>Lol rekt because true
I got gifts from all my highschool friends. I had only been in the flat for a month and a half then and didn't know the others before I moved in. I really didn't expect anything from anyone.

Anonymous 38110

>>37816
>Bleach in detergent
That's absolutely nefarious, you devious thing.
It'd be an awesome way to break up with someone if you were leaving first. After you're gone everything they touch is literally fucked up beyond belief.

>Keep everything in room

I wish it was an option, but there's still a lot of control over what I'm allowed to do. It's insidious, you don't even realize it until suddenly you look around and you've not been allowed to even have friends or walk outside without permission in years.

I do a lot of overt/covert medical testing on him though. Fascinating data, absolutely fascinating. Really testing the limits of his claims that he's lactose intolerant, and "allergic to two-day old food."

I want to start charting and graphing some of his responses to things if I have the time. You don't get opportunities for research like this that often.

It'd be a dream to chart/graph his tantrums and explosions and abuse and then just lay a copy of the data down in front of him as I walk out the door for good.

Cocksucker. You say you're not abusive? Here's the data. Suck it and cry about it. Toodles.

Anonymous 38116

>>38110
>you've not been allowed to even have friends or walk outside without permission in years

Lol now this is mental illness

Anonymous 38126

>>38116
Mental illness on his part, or mine?

Because I know I have issues, I don't need him reminding me how I've ruined his life with them, but it's so strange to me now to look and see how controlling he's become. At what point exactly did he transcend from average human arsewad to the eath-born Golden Buddha he's become? When did his every whim become law? Because I honestly didn't see it happening, it progressed so slow and so silent. Now I can't even step out to breathe the night air on the doorstep without him throwing a tantrum, screaming that I'm disrupting his gaming, hurling guilt at me for needing to exist in a manner that's inconvenient to him.

Is the insanity on my part or his?
Because I wonder myself. I wonder when I lost my spine, and I wonder when he destroyed my soul.

(Sorry, verbose. Exhaustion, wine)

Anonymous 38135

>>38126
You can't even call it a relationship anymore, it's long dead and nothing will ever come of it

Quit wasting each others time

Anonymous 38408

>>38135
>Relationship's over
I know this will be another verbose reply, so I apologise in advance, but I just want to know what someone outside my own mind thinks, I want to hear someone say something and to hear some advice.

I KNOW the relationship is over, it was over as soon as it started, never officialized, I think he preferred it that way.

He controlled everything so much, I just wanted a friend, I still want a friend. He used to almost be my friend, between his mood swings and his hostility, flipping out, throwing things, breaking my stuff.
But it was all I had, between him and my parents.

I held on because he was literally my only friend. But I think that's over too.

I shouldn't say it out loud, but he cornered me when I was sad and upset and almost panicking, and he told me my boyfriend would never really love me, that he never had loved me, that he'd just end up cheating on me like everyone else. That if I thought he wouldn't I was delusional.

He knows how my anxiety works, he knows what a drop of poison in my ear would do, he's watched my mother do it to wind me up and destroy my self confidence. He's done it to me himself, telling me I was ugly, that I was a boring nerd who could never fit in with pretty girls.

And then he said I needed to break up with my boyfriend. And when I hung up on him he killed my houseplant.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't say it all out loud like this, but I'm so upset. Is he right? Should I trust my boyfriend? Am I just being delusional?

I just want to hear someone else say something, provide some clarity, some words, some advice, something that comes from outside my own mind, something outside of my own anxiety.

And he fucking KNEW saying that would cause this. He's done similar so many times. I've given up on so many opportunities because he pulled shit like this. This, or throwing a tantrum when this attempt failed.

I'm sorry, but I just need to hear something from outside of my own mind, my thoughts are whirling so badly tonight.

Anonymous 38409

>>38408
>I've given up on so many opportunities because he pulled shit like this.
You want to hear the truth? You're acting like a fucking retard. Stop it. You know what the answer is and you still pretend to need someone to hold your hand while you romantize something awful and feel bad for yourself.
Are you legit retarded? Because you'd have to be sub 100 iq to not know when someone is being abusive. So ask yourself, am I mentally retarded? If I am not, then what would be the logical thing to do?

Anonymous 38410

>>38409
Thank you for calling me a retard.
It helped a lot.

However, I'm feeling a bit better, and gained a bit of clarity.
I see your point, but you also have the vantage point of being outside the situation, it's different inside the dynamic.

You have someone telling you every day for years that the colour orange doesn't exist.
Every. Single. Day.
Repeatedly, they tell you you're wrong and it does not exist. They set up that they're the only person you can trust, the only person you can listen to, they only person who isn't going to fuck you over.
And they repeatedly tell you that the colour orange doesn't exist.

Sometimes you think you see orange, you think you perceive a shade between red and yellow, and you ask them, do they see it? Do they see that shade there?

And your questions are met with the rage of ten thousand hellfires.
How dare you question them? How dare you try to perceive something that they said not to. That you even would try to is obviously a sign that you're less than they are, obviously a sign that every criticism about you was legitimate.
Obviously a sign that you're retarded.

How dare you question their perception. Obviously you don't appreciate them. Obviously you don't deserve their love.
And they remind you that everyone else will fuck you over. You're not good enough for anyone else. No one else will put up with your stupidity, your ugliness, only they're kind enough to. No one else would be.

And you believe them.
Because they're your only friend. They're the nicest person in your life. You've always been told you were stupid, ugly, retarded. So they're probably right.
So you stay.

Fuck it, I can't write anymore. You either get my point or you don't.

Anonymous 38426

>>38410
Girl, if someone told me the color orange was fake I would call them a tard and go on with my day.

Anonymous 38471

>>38409
>>38426
(I'm guessing you're the same person?)

I don't really care about him anymore, at this point, I'm barely keeping from axe-murdering him. He's told me he thinks my boyfriend's cheating on me with a young girl.

What I want to know is whether I can actually trust my boyfriend?
Do I trust the psychological observations of someone I don't trust? Do I take it as pure data, or is biased, due to him being untrustworthy?
Are his behavioural observations and criteria compromised?

Do I trust the person I love most in the entire existence of eternity when it's damn near impossible for me to trust anyone anymore?

Anonymous 38474

>>38471
Yes you can trust your bf.
No you shouldn't trust your roommate.
Super biased, give his claims about your bf negative weight.

Have you talked with your bf about him?

Anonymous 38491

>>37855
you were pretty dumb to let a guy like that into your home, and quite irresponsible to expose him to your friends, has to be said anon…..

Anonymous 38492

>>38126
>Is the insanity on my part or his?
Both, your relationship is codependent. You both sound like broken people, albeit we're only hearing one side.
>>38471
To experience intimacy is to make yourself vulnerable. I wouldn't take the advice of a scumbag. The only way to truly know is to confront your boyfriend though. If you can't trust him enough to confront him with your feelings, do you even trust him?

Anonymous 38494

>>38471
literally what. it's obvious he's telling you that because he wants to take advantage of you. trust your boyfriend, cut the other guy out of your life.



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